FAQ/Walkthough - Guide for Conker's Bad Fur Day

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                          ASCII Art is over *BLEEP*-ing rated...

       C O N K E R ' S   B A D   F U R   D A Y   F A Q / W A L K T H R O U G H
       c o n k e r ' s   b a d   f u r   d a y   f a q / w a l k t h r o u g h

Conker's Bad Fur Day™
Platform: Nintendo 64™
Version 0.60
Brett "Nemesis" Franklin & Steven "Pyro Vesten" Ryan
E-Mail Nemesis: [email protected]
E-Mail Pyro: [email protected]
Nemesis's website: http://nemmysresource.cjb.net


i.   Introduction
01.  Walkthrough
     = Chapter 1: Hungover
         - Scaredy Birdy
         - Pan Handeled
         - Gargoyal
     = Chapter 2: Windy
         - Mrs. Bee
         - Poo Cabin
         - Pruned
	 - Yee Haa!
         - Great Balls of Poo
         - Wasp's Revenge
     = Chapter 3: Barn Boys
         - Marvin
         - Mad Pitchfork
         - Sunny Days
         - Barry & Co.
         - Buff You
         - Haybot Wars
         - Frying Tonight
     = Chapter 4: Bat's Tower
         - Mrs. Catfish
         - Barry's Mate
         - Cog's Revenge
         - The Combination
         - Blast Doors
         - Clang's Lair
         - Pisstastic
         - Brass Monkeys
         - Bullfish's Revenge
     = Chapter 5: Sloprano
         - Corn on the Cob
         - Sweet Melody
         - U-Bend Blues
         - The Bluff
     = Chapter 6: Uga Buga
         - Drunken Gits
         - Sacrifice
         - Phlegm
         - Worship
         - Rock Solid
         - Bomb Run
         - Mugged
         - Raptor Food
         - Buga the Knut
     = Chapter 7: Spooky
         - Mr. Death
         - Count Batula
         - Zombies
     = Chapter 8: It's War
         - It's War
         - Powers Off
         - TNT
         - The Assault
         - Sole Survivor
         - Casualty Dept.
         - Saving Private Rodent
         - Chemical Warfare
         - The Tower
         - Little Girl
         - The Experiment
         - Countdown
      = Chapter 9: Heist
         - The Windmill's Dead
         - Enter the Vertex
         - The Vault

02. Money Locations
03. Tail-Thingy Locations
04. Weapons and Items




*BLEEP* off. You came here for the walkthrough and basic FAQ, correct? So why
the hell are you reading this? This section won't help your sorry ass with
this awesome game now will it? Will it? Didn't think so. Go on and take your
sorry *BLEEP*-ing ass down the page and read the *BLEEP*-ing walkthrough you
came to see.

What's that you say? You want a Story and Controls section? Well *BLEEP* you.
If you really want to read the *BLEEP*-ing Story, then go off and read another
FAQ for this game, or, better yet, go find your Instruction Manual that came
with the game, and read it from there. It'll be easier that way; there are
pictures and pretty colors with that version. You want a Controls Section?
What are you, a *BLEEP*-ing retard? You don't know how to play the game? Well,
if that's the case, then I feel sorry for your pathetic ass.

You're still here? I said *BLEEP* off.


ii. Legal Stuff

 This FAQ can only appear on the following sites (w/out having to ask Nemesis):

• GameFAQS 
• Cheat Code Central 
• GameSages 
• Vgstrategies.com 
• GameShark.com 
• FAQ Domain 
• Happy Puppy 
• ZDNet/Videogames.com 

___________________________NOT WWW.FRESHBAKEDGAMES.COM_________________________

If anyone finds it on any other site or MegaGames.com, please inform us ASAP.

E-Mail Address(Nemesis): [email protected]
E-Mail Address(Pyro): [email protected]

© Copyright 2000-2001 Brett "Nemesis" Franklin & Steven "Pyro Vesten" 
Ryan. This FAQ and everything included  within  this  file  cannot be 
reproduced in any way, shape or form  (physical, electronical, or 
otherwise) aside from being placed ona freely-accessible, 
non-commercial web page in it's original, unedited and  unaltered  
format. This FAQ cannot be used for profitable purposes (even  if  no
money  would  be  made  from  selling it) or promotional purposes. It
cannot be used in any sort of commercial transaction. It cannot be 
given away as some sort of bonus, gift, etc., with a purchase as this
creates incentive to buy and is therefore prohibited.




Version 0.60 (07/27/01)   - 82kb
• I (Pyro Vesten) just added my name in the copywrite and contact sections of
  the FAQ. That's pretty much all.

Version 0.55 (07/24/01)   - 82kb
• (FAQ was finished up by Pyro Vesten here :)
  Finished Chapter 7 (Spooky), Chapter 8 (It's  War) and Chapter 9 (Heist).
  I also finished the weapons/items, the Tail-thingy section and the Money 
  Locations section. I really can't think of anything else that needs to be 
  done. I hope that you don't find the bits I've done too bad compared to what
  Nemesis has done :P

Version 0.50 (03/16/01)   - 53kb
• Completed the Chapter 2 (Windy) Walkthrough by adding the last few quests,
  added the first 2 parts of Chapter 7 (Spooky), and updated the other 
  sections of the guide.

Version 0.45 (03/14/01)
• Added and completed the Chapter 6 walkthrough (Uga Buga), and updated the
  other sections of the guide.

Version 0.40 (03/13/01)
• Added and completed the Chapter 4 and Chapter 5 walkthroughs. Also updated
  the other sections in the guide.

Version 0.30 (03/12/01)
• Added a few more sections to Chapter 3, and therefore completing the Chapter
  3 walkthrough, and updated the "Tail-Thingy Locations" and "Money Locations"
  sections. I also added the Weapons and Items section. I apologize for the
  lack of updates, but I'm playing this, The Bouncer, and Phantasy Star Online
  at once, as well as school and other offline-things (like work), so it gets
  tough to find time to update, but I'll do my best to keep the current flow
  of updates as high as possible.

Version 0.25 (03/11/01)
• Added a few more sections to Chapter 3, and added the "Tail-Thingy Locations"
  and "Money Locations" sections.

Version 0.20 (03/08/01)
• Added a few more sections to Chapter 2.

Version 0.01 (03/07/01)
• Everything. Uh...that's all I have to say here. Go away. Now.


01. Walkthrough


Here we go, the section you came to see. Does it excite you? Does the fact that
I'll be holding your *BLEEP*-ing wussy-ass hand throughout the game make you
randy? Well, it sure as hell makes me feel all tingley and warm all over.
Especially in my pockets. That's where the penguins live...uh...ahem. Onto the


Scaredy Birdy:
Run around to the left and around the fence perimeter, until you reach the
garden and the scarecrow, Birdy. Speak to him, and do as he says. He'll teach
you about the Context Sensitive pads, where you stand on them and press B. Do
as he says, and try it out once, then run over to the other pad and press B
again on it to cure Conker's hangover. You should have noticed that he was
drunk and had a hangover before, but now he doesn't. Nifty.

Hop into the water, and swim to the green island, and Conker will tell you
to press Z to crouch, then press A once to jump, and A again to do that
funny helicopter tail thing to get across the gap. Do this and fly over to
the log. Now once across the chasm, run past the door, and across the next
two bridges. Continue past these and onto another log. Fly across the next
chasm, and follow the path until you reach a large switch on the side of
the mountain. Jump up and pull it down, and a door will open. Walk up to the
giant gargoyal, and he'll talk to you. Don't approach him unless you want
him to tear you a new asshole. Instead, run back and return to the door you
passed earlier, since it's open.

Pan Handled:
Upon entering, you'll find a key running around, so chase it, and press B
to knock it down. Take the key back to the door to unlock it again. Now
that you've learned the frying pan attack, return to the gargoyal. 

Hit him with the frying pan to send him to a rocky death...but a rock covers 
up the entrance, so you can't enter. D'oh. Hop onto the rock, and turn to the 
right to find a ledge with a Context Sensitive pad. Use it to get some TNT and 
blow the boulder out of your way, then run and enter the hole.


Mrs. Bee:
Watch the cut-scenes, then enter the new area. Go right after collecting
the chocolate pieces for health, and speak to the crying bee. She'll tell
you her hive was stolen, so Conker accepts to retreive them. Head back
to the sign that reads "Naughty" and "Nice", and head the "Naughty" way.
Run up the side of the hill, and past the barbed-wire fences, and you will
reach a golden bee-hive. Grab it, and the wasps will come after you, so make
a run for it back to the sobbing bee. You have to keep running at all costs,
or else they'll hit you, you'll drop the hive, and they'll take it back, and
you'll have to start again. Once back at the crying bee, she'll "dispose" of
the wasps, and give you $100 cash.

Run across the stone bridge near her to find a Context Sensitive pad, but
this one is different. It's for an Instruction Booklet, and you'll have to
dish out $10 to Birdy to use it and learn some more moves. You will learn
The Catapult, a move where you can use a slingshot to hit various items or
things. Use it now to kill the red beetles on the hill (4 of them), and a
door at the top will unlock. Run through the door that was unlocked at
the top, and enter the new area [See: Chapter 3: Big Barn Boys - Marvin].

__It is recommended that you scroll down and complete as much of Chapter 3 as 
you can, to earn more cash, and to get the chapter out of the way.__

Once you get $200 (you can get the other $100 from Chapter 3: Big Barn Boys),
take it, and it'll turn 10 o'clock. Run back to where you shot the dung
beetles with your slingshot, and enter the area to the left, the area that 
is "smelly".

Poo Cabin:
In this area, enter the house that is now open near the entrance. Talk to
the Dung Beetle, and he'll tell you to make the cows crap, and he'll give
you a big ball of poo. Wow. Hope into the hole he makes for you to start
the fun.

Once inside of the poo sewers, head out to the ledge where there are a lot
of ropes hanging from the ceiling. Hop onto the first one in front of you,
then hop to the right of the rope to find another one you can grab onto
with your tail-spin action. Make your way to the right side of the room,
where there is a series of ropes next to each other, with each one going
up higher than the one before it, all with a piece of chocolate between
them. Use these ropes to make your way to a large hole in the wall, where
a drain is. Hop into the drain, and head left and up the ramp to go outside.

From the entrance to where you find the bull, go left and near the wooden
plank area. There is a grassy ramp near the back of the wooded area, so
use that to hop onto the wood shed, and make your way up the side of the
wood sheds, avoiding the poo-balls, until you reach the top of a large
steel faucet with an arrow pointing in a clockwise direction. Stand on
this saucer, and run in the direction the arrow points. This will cause
the saucer to spin, so do this until some prune juice comes out of the
faucet and fills up the bull's trough. Return the way you came, and back
down where the bull is.

Yee Haa!:
Stand near the target which came out of the wall, and wait for the bull
to charge you. When he gets close enough, do a super jump out of the way,
or just fly away with your tail. Either way, just dodge his attack. If
done right, the bull will hit the target. This is very easy, and should
only take 1, maybe 2 tries. A door comes down, and out comes a female

Now another target will come out, so run near it, and let the bull hit
the target. It will get it's horns stuck in it, so while he's stuck
there, hop on top of the bull. Time to bull ride. Press B to activate
the bull ride, then ram the cow. She'll get annoyed and go over to
the prune juice and drink it. Now she has the screaming shits. Darn.
Watch as she squirts it everywhere and runs to shit in the inner-grate.
After you're done watching, you take over with the bull again, so line
up your aim with the cow once more, and ram her again to kill her off.

Once the bull throws you off his back, run near the purple prune juice
sign, and make the bull ram the target there, and watch as another cow
comes out. You probably won't notice, but another cow comes out, and
so does another large target. Make the bull hit this large target so
he gets stuck, and ride him again. Hit the cow 2 times to make her
go and drink up the prune juice like before, then ram her as she's
shitting again. You may have to wait for her to begin to shit, so just
run around until she is in the central "shitter". Now one more target
will appear.

Make the bull hit this target, and another cow will come out. Do the
same thing as you did before with the other 2 cows, but this time, you
have to ram this cow 3 times before she drinks. If you miss her and
go towards the outer watery area, the bull will throw you off, and you'll
have to mount him once more. Kill the last cow, and the bull will fall
into the poo-hole where the cows took their shits. 

Sewage Stinks:
Go back through the door where you came into this area from, and the
area is now filled to the brim with watery shit. Swim to the Context 
Sensitive pad to learn how to swim underwater. Swim back into the center
area, and find the wooden beam at the top where a piece of chocolate
lies. Hop on, and you can find a tail-thingy at the end of the beam. Swim
back to the entrance where you first entered THIS area, where you can
find a wad of cash screaming for you. Swim to the surface of where the
cash is screaming to find it, $100. Take it, then swim back into the
central area, and swim to the very bottom of the area, and into the
black hole to exit.

Great Balls of Poo:
Once outside of the cabin, you'll find that the dung beetle made you a
giant ball of poo just for you. Push this one up the side of the large pile of
poo near the cabin. There are attacking dung beetles here, so wait for
them to fly into the side holes before they attack you. Push the ball of
poo up the side of the mountain until you reach the "king" Dung Beetle.
Push the ball of poo off the ledge and onto the king, blowing him up because
Conker added some TNT to the ball. Return to your next ball of poo.

Push the poo-ball past the ladder near the cabin, and around the perimeter, 
and push it off the ledge, and onto a armored guy below. Jump down to where 
he is, and find the switch behind him (the green switch), and jump on it 
and hit B to smash the switch, and to drain the lake. This opens up the 
entrance to Chapter 4.
Return to your ball of poo (they regenerate after using one), and push this 
one back up the winding ramp on poo-mountain, and to the top where a hole 
awaits. Push the ball into the hole, and it'll drop down through the mountain, 
and out of the boarded up entrance that now leads to Chapter 5. Hop onto the
top of the mountain with a super jump, and grab the wad of cash yelling
for you. $100 cold, hard cash.

Wasp's Revenge:
After defeating Uga Buga (Chapter 6), return to Windy, and talk to Mrs. Bee
again to learn that her hive has been stolen once more. Go back to the
wasp's nest, but this time, enter the nest. Once inside, follow the honey
path to the hive, and hop into the machine gun hive. Now you'll be forced
to fend off many wasps who come at you from all angles and from different
honeycombs. Use your center radar to see them coming (they're the blue dots),
and pick them off as they exit the honeycombs. They're pretty slow, and you
shouldn't get attacked if you have some skill, so just take your time and
blow 'em all to pieces. Once this has been accomplished, take the hive once
more, and, like before, run like hell with it back to Mrs. Bee, and she'll
take care of the wasps again. This time, you'll get $400 for doing this deed!

Mr. Barrel:
You should now have $2110, so go up the windmill path, past the killer worms,
and to the top, and pay Mr. Barrel the cash. He'll ask you for a ride, so
hop on him afterwards, and roll him down the mountain, successfully killing
every worm as you go, and at the bottom, the barrel will roll past Mrs. Bee,
and break through the boarded up path in the water behind Mrs. Bee. Conker
wakes up at night...time for Chapter 7!


Head to the right and forward to find a rodent and 2 blocks: The one on the
bottom wants that "fat-ass bitch" off him, and if you can get rid of that
rodent, he'll help you.

Run back the other way (to the left of the entrance), and find the area
where some large blocks are hopping up and down, and you'll find a corral of
sorts with cheese in it. Approach the block named Burt, and he'll open the
gate for you. Enter it and take a piece of cheese, and take it back to the
rodent. Do this a total of 3 times, and the rodent will explode, and the
fat bitch of a block will jump off the other one. Use these guys to hop
onto the pipes behind them, and make your way to the roof, where another $100

Mad Pitchfork:
After taking the cash from the Marvin side-quest, the door to the inside of
the barn will open, so enter it. You'll meet a paint brush, paint can, a
pitchfork, and some jumping piles of hay. The pitchfork wants to kick your
ass, so talk to him to get him all riled up, then he'll attack you. You
can't really hurt him, so make him attack the haystacks instead by waiting
in front or near the haystacks, then hopping out of the way then the pitchfork
jumps at you. Do this for every haystack, and the his friends will make fun
of him to the point where he wants to kill himself...so that's what he does.
Or _tries_ to do, I should say. Run over to the wall switch near the entrance
to the barn and pull it down. A fat bee will fall out of the barn, and the
door will be unlocked again. Exit the barn.

Sunny Days:
Once outside of the barn, go left and talk to the king bee, and he'll talk
to you about his wife the queen bee, and a big-breasted sunflower. He'll
point her out to you, and ask for your help. After talking with the bee, run
over to the sunflower and speak with her. Now head back towards the king
bee, and talk to the swarm of bees near the jumping box. They're ticklish
bees, and they'll follow you wherever you go. Run back to the sunflower to
drop them off, and now you need to find more swarms. 4 more to be exact.

- This swarm is on the roof where you got the $100 cash after the Marvin
  side-quest...sorta. Head to the roof, where you found the cash, and you
  will find a swarm of bees. Take these back to the sunflower.

- Return to the roof once more, and back to where you found the last swarm
  of bees. Now, from where the cash is, face the barn itself, and you
  will see that you can jump onto the straw roof, so do so, then face
  right to see a ladder. Carefully make your way to the ladder without
  falling off the roof, and you should end up on top of the water tower.
  The bees are to your right, so be careful when getting them. Take them
  back to the sunflower the same way you came.

- Head back to the entrance of the area, and face the barn. Turn left and
  face the wall to the right of the tunnel, and jump up to find some bees
  hiding. Take them back to the sunflower.

- Go to the cheese-corral near the jumping blocks, and hop up the sides of
  the cliffs to find the last set of bees. Take them back to the sunflower.

After watching (or hearing) the "pollination" commencing, the sunflower will
ask Conker if he would like a "bounce". Do so by hopping onto her breasts, and
she'll bounce you high into the air. When you get enough air, hop into the
alcolve above her to snatch some cash.

Barry & Co.:
After taking the cash, run to the bouncing hollow block near the sunflower, and
wait for him to stop bouncing underneath a ledge. Hop on him, then jump onto
the ledge, and enter the barn. You'll meet 2 bats in here, and they want to
beat you up. Hop across the rafters with the chocolate pieces on them, and
avoid the bats. This is pretty simple, but if they get too close, the light
blub will appear, so hit B to use a flamethrower on them. Once across the
platforms, you'll find a Context Sensitive pad, so use it and throw the knives.
Find the pitchfork who is hanging from the rafters near the pad, and throw
the knives at him to knock him down. Hop down to the ground.

Buff You:
You'll meet the pitchfork on the ground, and he'll want to help you out. So
hop on his back to ride the pitchfork. Attack the giant pile of hay 2 times
with the B button while on the pitchfork, then after he turns into a semi-robot,
attack him once more (from behind) to cause him to fall through the floor,
and you fall with him.

Haybot Wars:
Welcome to the Terminator 2 part of the game. The pile of hay turns into a
robot sent to kill you, along with 9mm missiles and a oddly-familiar accent
we all remember from the Terminator films...

Hop onto the pitchfork again, and find the giant pipes scattered in the room
(there are 3, along with chocolate pieces behind them), and stand behind
one. The Haybot will shoot it, and steam will come out. Try not to get hit
by his arms, or else you lose 2 chocolate pieces and have to get on the
pitchfork again. Lure him to the steam (or water, whatever it is), and he'll
run away and start to freak out. When you are facing his back, you will
see a large red button that says DO NOT PUSH. Push it, and one of his arms
will blow up. Now, run to the nearest pipe, and stay behind it, and let
him shoot both missiles, then lure him again, then attack his button (jump
near the button, and when the light blub appears, press B). Do this once more,
and he'll be toast.

Frying Tonight:
After the fight, Frankie will ditch you, and the room will begin to flood. Swim
over to the large EXIT signs, and climb the ladder as fast as you can. Now
go to the Context Sensitive pad, and use the knives to cut down the 3 nearest
wires (the music will stop momentarily or just quiet down if you cut down
the right wires), then hop into the water, and swim to the next ladder, and use
the next pad to do the same with the last 3 wires. If done right, the water
level will rise again, leading to the exit. Swim to the exit, and meet a
monkey reading. Hop onto his book, and he'll throw you up really high, so
do a tail-spin and glide to the ledge with the $100 and the pieces of chocolate.
Exit the barn through the open door near the cash.

Slam Dunk:
Once outside, climb up the ladder, and avoid the first wasp, then at the top,
go left and climb the second ladder, and avoid the second wasp, then the
last wasp towards the top. At the top, you'll find a spring board, so jump
off it, and when the light blub appears above his head, press B to make
Conker turn into an anvil, and crash land into the pool below, and onto
a context sensitive pad. The causes a gate to open inside of the river
below. Climb up the ladder, then find the ladder leading back down to the
ground, and make your way back to solid land. Hop into the river, near the
sunflower, and enter the gate. You'll find a Tail-Thingy and $100 cash inside
of the gate.


Mrs. Catfish:
You'll stumble upon this quest right when you enter Bat's Tower. The catfish
want you to get rid of the bully dog-fish in the water, and they will reward
you with cash, so Conker agrees. Hop into the water, and swim to the right,
and into the green water, where you'll find the dog-fish swimming. Avoid
his attacks, and swim into the hole underwater. Now swim to the surface.

Barry's Mate:
Once at the surface, talk to the deaf Cog, and learn that you need to find
his missing friends...3 missing Cogs. Head to the rising platform near the
cogs, and ride it to the top to meet your bat-friends again. Run off the
platform, and around the ledge, then onto the center beam. If a bat comes
at you, and you hear it's sqeak, flame it with your flamethrower. Once across
the beam, hop to the left and onto the next ledge, then jump to the rope,
and climb up it. Walk slowy across the next beam to the other side, then
to the ledge to the left, and onto the next rope. Continue these actions
until you reach the last rope that leads to a ledge that stops suddenly,
where you can hear some money calling your name. You should see a switch
on the wall across from you, so run and jump across the gap to grab onto
the switch to pull it down. Return to the ground alive.

Cog's Revenge:
Swim back into the water near the cogs, and you should find that the gate
below is now open. Swim inside, and avoid the two armored thugs swimming
inside of the tunnel, and swim to the surface. You will find 3 female cogs
running around in this area, and in the next room, so find one, and knock
it out with your frying pan, pick it up, then quickly take it back to the
main cog room. Do this for each cog, then hop onto the center stone, and
run on it in a clockwise direction to make it spin. Do this, and the water
level will rise where the dog-fish is, and the cogs will get their revenge.
Now exit the cog area, and swim back into the dog-fish waters.

The Combination:
Swim around the dog-fish, and swim back to the lady catfish. They'll open the
safe for you where the dog-fish is, but you have to lead them to it. Swim
back to the dog-fish area, and around him and the floating mines, and to
the safe. They'll open the safe for you, allowing you to enter the door. Enter

Blast Doors:
Once inside, the money you are looking for runs off, and a Context Sensitive
Pad appears. Use it, and you'll get your slingshot. Ahead of you is a rotating
wheel with letters in it. You need to spell out "OPEN" with your slingshot
by hitting the letters in the wheel in the correct order to spell OPEN. Once
you spell it, the central floor will open, allowing you to enter and dive
into the water.

Clang's Lair:
Hop into the water, and onto the floating Context Sensitive Pad, and use it
to get a miner's hat with the flashlight. Dive into the water, and to the
very bottom, using the side air-vents for air as you go down. At the bottom,
enter the green-lit tube, and into the next area. Swim to the surface and
use the context sensitive pad here to recharge your light's battery, then
re-enter the water, and enter the blue-lit tube, and into the next area. At
the surface of the water is a large wall lever, so hop on it and pull it down
to open a gate underwater. Enter the green-lit tube closest to the surface
of the water, and enter the next area with the yellow tubes. Use the pad
at the surface to once more recharge your battery, then enter the yellow
tube(s). Now you are in another area with side-air vents, and a long
path to the surface, so make your way to the surface, while making pit-stops
in the air-vents to survive. At the top, you should reach a red-area, with
a giant hole. Hop into it.

You'll find some firey-imps down here, so you need to put them out. How so?
With piss, of course. Run to the context sensitive pad near the tab, and he'll
get drunk. Now just find the imps, and press B to piss all over them and to
extinguish them. Put out enough of them (I think it's 7 Imps, but I could be
wrong), two of them will jump into the giant boiler and use it to attack you.
The boiler has balls of...brass.

Brass Monkeys:
This is another boss. Duh. Load up on chocolate pieces, then find one of the
levers hanging from above one of the corners in the room. Lure the boiler
to you near the lever, then use a super-jump to hop into the air and to
grab the lever, which in turn releases crap from the pipe above the boiler.
The boiler should run to the center of the room, dazed and confused. Run to him
in the center of the room, and run to his balls, and when the light blub appears,
hit B, and Conker will attack his balls. Do this 4 times, once for each corner
of the room, until the balls fall off, and the boiler destroys itself.

Find the floor switch that is to the right of the beer keg if you face it,
and push one of the brass balls onto it to open a door. Avoid the fire
imps as you do this, because 2 of them are running around like crazy. Push
the other brass ball into the tunnel you just opened to get rid of the imp
inside, then enter the tunnel yourself. Upon exiting the tunnel, you'll
find some cash. Take it, then exit the safe, and back into the water.

Bullfish's Revenge:
The catfish will argue with you, then swim away. As you head towards the
catfish, the dogfish will escape, so swim as fast as you can, making sure
to get the catfish in it's way so it won't attack you. Swim back to the wooden
ledge, and watch the Jaws-like cutscene. The dogfish crashes, leaving you
to use it as a spring to reach the alcolve above it containing $300 cash.


Corn off the Cob:
After entering Sloprano from Poo Mountain, you'll meet up with a Dung Beetle
who tells you his story, then flys off. Run straight ahead, and you'll meet
a kernel of corn. A large voice demands some sweet corn, so let the giant
hand in the center of the room hit the corn, then grab it, and toss it off
the edge of a ledge that hangs over the poo in the room, and Conker will
toss it off and into the poo. Run past the hand, and past the context
sensitive pad that isn't working, and hop off the ledge and fly across the
gap to the other side. You'll find 2 more pieces of sweet corn here, so
knock them down with your frying pan, then toss them off the nearby ledge.
Be sure to watch out for the hand in the center, again.

Now run up the next path that is near the ledge you threw the corn off of,
and take the right path when it forks off (the left-hand path leads to some
money you can't access yet). Follow it to one more area with 3 more pieces
of corn, and repeat the process of tossing the corn into the central area,
and the Great Mighty Poo will come out.

Sweet Melody:
Once he's done singing, run to the Context Sensitive pad, and you'll use
some toilet paper as weapons. Toss some in his mouth when he goes to sing, and
dodge his shit balls when he throws them at you. After you hit him once, he'll
move, so do it again. Do it one time, and he'll make your pad unreach-
able, since he covers it with poo. Run back to the previous Context Sensitive
pad, and use more toilet paper on him again when he sings. Be sure to dodge
his shit balls when he throws them. Throw 2 rolls of T.P. into his mouth
this time, and he'll sing some more, cracking the glass where some cash lies.

He'll cover your pad again with shit, so fly back over the gap, and back to
the third pad, and launch 3 rolls of T.P. into his mouth, all while avoiding
his shit balls. Once you've done this, the glass will fully shatter, so
run over the gap again, and to the glass area that shattered. Run past the
cash for now, and pull the rope down to flush the Mighty Poo down the drain.
Take the cash for your efforts.

U-Bend Blues:
After taking the cash, head for the center of the room where the Poo was
flushed away. There are some decending platforms, so fly to the closest
one to you, and make your way down to the bottom, and enter the door. After
the cutscene with Berry is over with, you regain control of Conker. Fly down
to the outer part of the water, and take some chocolate pieces if needed,
and the Tail-Thingy hanging up. Hop into the water, and head past the spinning
blades. If you touch a blade, then you will die no matter what. If you do die,
just grab the Tail-Thingy again before going back into the water. This is
very hard to do, and it will take you more than a few tries to complete. There
are 3 blades, and there is a air vent near each one. Stay as low to the ground
as you can when passing, so you have more room and time to stay away from the
blades. Once through the blade tunnel, get some air at the end, then surface.

Go through the next tunnel, and into another area with blades and some ropes.
Hop onto the rope in front of you, then look for the ladder. Time your
jump so you don't land on a spinning blade, then jump off of the rope, over
the blades, and climb up the ladder.

The Bluff:
Hop up to the ledge to Conker's left, then go across the bridge to meet up
with some weasels. They demand $1000 cash to pass, so Conker will give it
to them (you should have over $1000 cash anyways). But the one weasel will
try to take you for a squirrel, but Conker will convince him that he's not
a squirrel...he's an elephant. The weasel believes him, and lets Conker pass.
Before Conker leaves, he whistles, and you get your money back and exit the


Drunken Gits:
Upon entering the area, you'll see a large tower ahead of you. Avoid the dinos
running in circles around it, and run to the back of the tower and enter
the door to get on the second floor. Now avoid the dinos again, and run around
to the other side of the second floor to find another doorway leading to the
roof. At the top is $100 cash yelling your name. Near the money is a statue.
Hop onto it, and when the light blub appears above Conker's head, press B to
turn into an anvil, and smash it down. Do this twice, and the statue should
fall through the roof. If not, then keep smashing it until it does. When it
crashes, go back onto the statue, and hammer it down again to open up a path
below it leading to a tunnel. Run to the club entrance where all the drunk
rock-men are, avoid them, and push the rock that is to the left of the club
bouncer through the new doorway path, and down the tunnel. This will take out
2 cavemen and open a new path. Enter the tunnel and go through the newly opened
path. Run into the lava room, and head to Conker's right, down the ramp,
past the fire pits, and through the door that is to the giant dragon head.

In this area, you should see a giant purple egg in the center of the room.
The path you are on leads to it, so jump over the guards on the path, and
run to the egg. Stand on top of the monkey near the egg and he'll launch
you high into the air. Stand on top of the egg, and press B when the light
blub appears to hatch the egg. A baby dinosaur will come out and call you its
mummy. From the egg, follow the path to the right, leading the dino into
the cavemen, whom he will eat if he gets close enough to them. Follow the
ledge while letting your dino eat the cavemen, and when you get to the door,
let him follow you through it.

In this area, go left near the fire pit, and to the Context Sensitive pad. Use
it while the dino is eating the cavemen, and turn and face the main entrance
across from the giant dragon head, and find the button on the wall to the
right of the entrace, with an arrow on it. Hit it, and a platform will rise
up. Now lead the dinosaur onto the alter behind the Context Sensitive Pad, and
then hop off the ledge, and run around it back to the pad. While the dino is
on the alter, use the slingshot to hit the button on the wall to the left
of the entrance, and the ledge of rock will fall onto him, therefore pleasing
the Dragon God. He'll open his mouth, allowing you to enter.

Use the monkey's book again, and he'll launch you to the top of the Dragon
God's head. Now slide down his back to find some chocolate, some cash, and
another Tail-Thingy. Go back to the front of his head, where you can see
his green nostrals. Now when he stops breathing, hop into one. Press B to
shake some pepper in it, then exit the nostral, and do the same to the other
one, and the Dragon God will sneeze, allowing you to enter his throat. Do so, 
and avoid the swinging drop of snot, then go right, and over the next 2 gaps,
then past the swinging snot once more, and exit the area. Out here, Conker
will take the hat off the dead caveman. Now go back through the throat of
the Dragon God, and exit back out to where you started.

Once you exit the throat, the cavemen will worship you, and begin to follow
you around. Now walk slowly to the ramp that leads to the main entrance to
this place, allowing all 4 of them to follow you up the ramp, and out through
the exit, back to where the dance club is where the drunken rocks are. Find
one, and begin to attack it, and the other cavemen will help. Do this for
every rock-man out here, then approach the rock-bouncer. Conker will give him
the password, and he'll let you in.

Rock Solid:
As you enter the club, you'll find a floor switch near the bouncer and the
entrance. Run around to the bar area, and behind the bar is a rock. Push
this rock back up the ramp, and onto the floor switch near the entrance, and
the door beneath the cage where Berri is dancing in will open. Enter the
door. To the right, past the 2 dancing rocks is another floor switch. Run
back to the bar, and get drunk. Find the dancing lone rock near the door
you opened, and piss on him to push him into the hole, then make him go past
the 2 dancers, and onto the floor switch on the other end of the balcony. Be
sure to get sober again before pushing the rock onto the floor switch by
using the medicine cabinet near the center of the room, on the table with
the pieces of chocolate on it.

Return to the bottom floor, and get drunk again. Now go to the dancing man 
(he's with a chick) near the right-hand doorway that just opened, and piss 
on him to make him roll into this door. Once he crashes, sober up, then get
drunk once more, and find the last dancing man near the left-most doorway,
and piss on him and push him into the left door. This frees Berri, but she
doesn't recognize Conker with his hat, and runs off. Enter the right-hand
doorway to drop right into where some cash lies, so take it, then exit the

Bomb Run:
After watching the club boss take care of some business, you'll be forced to
carry a bomb back through the dragon god's throat, and toss it off the ledge
where you found the dead Uga and took his hat. You don't have much time to
do this, so I suggest you hurry up and do it. Avoid the Ugas and the snot
tonsels inside of the dragon god's throat, take 2 lefts, and avoid the dead 
Uga on the ledge, then toss the bomb off the ledge and into the area where
the giant egg used to be. It'll blow up, rising the lava level to extreme
heights. Now use the floating rocks in the lava, and enter the hole in the
wall across from where you are.

Conker will end up in a new area, where some Uga's have mugged your ass and
took your money. They fly away on their boards with your cash, so run up
the path and through the doorway, then hop onto the spare board below. Time
to race them and catch up with them individually and pan 'em with your frying
pan. Each time you hit one of them, you'll get more and more money back. But
beware: Once you reach the third and last Uga, the course changes, so watch
out for the new tunnel. Once you've gotten all of your cash back, the gate
where some money lies opens, so fly onto the stone ramp leading to it, press
A to jump, and fly into the money and land into an arena of some sort...

Raptor Food:
The arena is some kind of battle arena, it appears. A giant raptor comes out,
called a Fangy, so find the Context Sensitive Pad in the arena, and lure
the Fangy to it, and when he gets near, press B on the pad to hypnotize it.
Once it's dazed, hop on it's back, then focus your attacks on the Ugas running
around the arena. Ram them all off the edge of the arena and into the lava.
Or, you can stop and chomp on them and eat them. This is much faster than
ramming them into the lava. After taking care of the first wave of men, the
Infantry is called out, and they have spears, so take care of these guys too.
Once all of the Ugas are gone, Buga's girlfriend will tell him that Conker has
a bigger bone than he does, and so Buga will enter the arena to show her wrong.

Buga the Knut:
Time for an easy boss. Buga will stomp into the ground, making a shockwave
in the ground, so just jump into the air to dodge this, and when he gets
close enough, he'll raise his arms to hit you, so when he does this, attack
his crotch area with your dinosaur. His pants will fall down, and his bare
ass will be revealed. Run around to his ass, and when the light blub appears,
press B, and the dino will take a big bite out of his ass. Repeat this process
3 times, and everyone will see Buga's "big" boner. Heh.

Run over to where the babe is, and hop onto the rock near the babe, and use
it to access the wooden ledge, and enter the doorway to meet the Jugga, the
babe. She says it won't work out, then leaves. Exit through the door that
is right near Conker after the cutscene, then take the right-hand path, and
enter the light-door at the end of the path. Now grab the cash up here, then
follow the path to the edge, and jump off it and into the water from earlier.
Exit the water, and take the tail-thingy once more, then exit here to get
back to Sloprano, and hop into the dark hole to end up in the cabin in Poo


Mr. Death:
Swim through the water and out into the lake, where Death is swiping at the
catfish and cursing at them. Once he's done, swim into the other water entrance
to the right of Death, and once on the ledge, hop off and grab the lever in
the air, then press down to pull it and open the gates to the cemetary. Return
to the water, and swim back to Death at the dock. Once you've talked with him,
he'll curse at you too, and give you a shotgun to kill the undead. He says
the only way to kill them is with a shot to the head. Press B to take the
shotgun, and run up the ramp and enter the cemetary. As you enter, you'll meet
up with some rather unkind undead people...zombies. There are 12 that you will
need to kill before Death enters and opens the other door for you, so my
advice to you is to lure the zombies out of the graves, then run as far away
as you can from them, then just hold R and Z to keep the laser sighting on, then
snipe them in the head as they come towards you. They can surround you quickly,
and they will lose limbs but still come at you if you do not hit their heads,
so make your shots count. After 12 souls are given to Death (12 zombies killed),
he'll appear and open the door for you.

Follow the new path to the castle, being aware to avoid the worms that pop
out of the ground every so often, and enter the castle.

Count Batula:
As you enter, you meet up with the Count. He talks and talks about his family
and vine, and stuff like that, but then he drinks your blood, and turns you
into a bat, and tells you to take villagers for him and drop them into the
grinder. This is easy, just as long as you know where to find them. You can
find them in the main room with the stairs, and in the outside courtyard. The
courtyard is the easiest, because it's so close to the grinder, and will
make this quest go by faster. Each time you feed a person to the grinder,
the Count drinks their blood, and he gets fatter as he goes, therefore stretching
out the rope he's hanging by. You have to capture and feed the Count a total
of 7 villagers for him to fall into the grinder himself, and to turn Conker
back into a squirrel. To take the villagers, find one, fly over it, and hit
Z to shit onto it. If you hit one successfully, he'll fall over, so fly down
and Conker will automatically pick him up. Now just avoid the other villagers
(they have spears they can throw), and fly the villager back to the grinder.


In this section, you need to find three keys, one at a time and take them to the
castle's main door in order to open it, and get out.
Doesn't sound too hard right?

Well, think again....

A few quick tips for the area:
* Try to kill every Zombie in the area before you pick up the key, because once
you are holding a key you can't jump, or attack.

* Take your time because if you are hit by a zombie, or fall you will drop the

* Remember, the only thing that will kill a zombie is a medium to close range 
shot to the head with your trusty shottie.

--1st Key--
First up, from the main door that faces up towards the staricase go around to 
the left, taking your time, and putting a large hole square in the head of 
any Zombie you see along the way.
Go through the door and into the library, where you will find 3 Zombies.
Just to the left of the door you came in you will find a ramp, follow it up and
look to the centre of the room, you will see the tops of three bookcases.
The middle bookcase has a B pad on it. Hop over, and get read to think quick.
As soon as you stand on the B pad, hit B to take out your Crossbow, complete 
with green laser-sight 9the crossbow has the same controls as the shotgun). There
are bats in each of the four corners of the room.
They will attack you one at a time. Put an arrow in the first one, and then turn
left and get ready for the next. Do this twice more and then jump back off the
bookshelf and continue up the ramp until you find yourself in the grinder room.
From here, head left around the outside of the room watching your setp until you
reach a door. Get your shotgun back out and get ready for some more Zombie 
shooting fun, you will be greeted by one male, and one female zombie.
From here, go forward and head along the rafters until you reach another B pad.
Hop on, hit B and deal with the 3 bats at the back of the room, if you're quick
you can even shoot them as they hang upside down.
Make your way to the back of the room and grab the key, then go back the way you
came, watching out for the odd Zombie here and there and taking it very slowly, 
once in the first room (with the big door) run to the door and your key will be
Yay! you've got 1 of the 3 keys already. I just hope you didn't loose much or 
better still, any health, because it's likely you will need it for the next 2 

--2nd Key--
Once you have put the first key in the door you'll see a little sequence showing
a bridge raising outside, in the garden... This is where you go for the next key.
Head around the right side of the staircase this time, and turn right into the 
hallway, watch out for Zombies, and spiderwebs :P
This area can be a real pain in the ass, because there are 3 zombies lying right
around the first turn in the hallway.. Deal with them and move through to the end
of the hallway.
Run forward, and jump the hell onto the dining table. Here you will be safe from
the attacks of any zombies, because they can't attack you when you are on top of
the table. Take them all out from on the table (wisely using the cracks in the 
sides of the table to sneak in head shots).
Once you've dealth with all of the zombies in the dining room head up the ramp
in the door that leads out to the garden. 
Clear out all of the Zombies in the garden area (jump up onto the two different
hedges for protection). Now, grab the key which is in circled by the smallest 
hedge. Make your way back to the door, again keeping an eye out for the odd 
Zombie or two, run up to the door and stick the key in.
What's that??? DID I JUST SEE THREE PIECES OF CHOCOLATE in that movie that showed 
the ladder raising up? Yep.....you sure did.... and what a life saver those three
little brown blocks will be.....

--3rd Key--
Run up the staircase infront of you. Take the path on the right and head in the 
door. Now, make your way around the outside of the room carefully. And I mean 
carefully. Once you reach the ladder, climb up duh. Once at the top of it, jump 
off to the left and hover over to the platform, where you will be able to pick up
the three bits of chocolate, which will quite possibly be the difference between 
you getting the 3rd key or paying Gregg the Grim Reaper a visit.
Once you have chocolate, look behind you, you should see a platform. Jump over,
and then jump onto the next platform which has a bone shaped lever on it. Pull it
and you should see a video sequence now, showing two doors opening Go back to the
platform that had the chocolate on it. 
Walk around the other side of the room to where you just were until you come 
across a brass pipe.
Once you get to it jump and hover over onto the slightly greenish bit of metal 
(as opposed to the brown coppery metal, which will cause you to fall down) and 
then jump over and pick up the key.
Now walk across the thin wodden rafter to the door that just opened. Go in and 
you will be teleported to the second door that just opened, which is located on 
the right side of the staircase. There will be a few Zombies in this room, get
ready to run, dodge and make your way to the door to put the third and final key

Once the third key is insereted into the door you will see another in game movie.
For the slightly dim who are reading this :P, the idea, as hinted at by the 
movie, is to go and jump on the Mr. Barrel, and leave out the front door.

Walk over to Mr. Barrel and jump on. Hopefully you will have left at least one 
Zombie living, because once on Mr. Barrel you can make some lovely roadkill out 
of them.
Once you've had your fun running over Zombies head out the front door and brace 

Once out the front door you have a tough run ahead of you. You will need to steer 
Mr. Barrel very carefully down a the twisting path you came to the mansion on 
which is the really hard part. Then you have to sear him back through the 
graveyard and then down the dock and into the water.

When you've made it into the water, head up to the small patch of land with the 
black doorway in it which you couldn't get to before because of the strong current
of the water.
Once you get to the land, Mr. Barrel will break, and you can head through.

(note: If you manage to break Mr. Barrel when in the lake, you can find another 
one up at thedoor that goes back into the graveyard.)

Enter the door and you will instantly hear one of your favourite sounds...... 
"Somebody GET ME". Grab the cash and then head back all the way up to the 
entrance of Windy (the same way you went all those hours ago, at the start of 
the game).


It's War:

Upon arrival in Windy, you will be shown another video seqence.
This sets the scene well, basically showing a 1950's style ad, calling out for 
everyone who can, to sign up.

Head up the left path until you see a door surrounded by barbwire and go in.
Walk forward and you'll see a sequence where a plane crashes, and then you 
will be introduced to the very "intellegent" sergent. And may I just take 
that time to say........ ahh $%@! that shit!

After you've watched the cutscene walk to the right and go down onto the 
beach, watch your step though (I'll leave it up to you to find out why). 
You'll see another movie where you find out the power is out, and you need to run
power through three rings underwater.... and there just happens to be an electric
eel swimming in the water...

Jump into the water, dive down and swim through the three rings under the water.
The eel should just follow you. When the final ring gets powered you will see 
another quick cutscene, which shows the power coming back on and a B pad rising.


Go back to the door you entered the area from is, and then take the ramp up to 
the mens room. Knock on the door, and a purple guy with a barrel of TNT on his 
back who needs some toilet paper will come out. 
Go down and move the steel crate to the left, leavning the purple guy where he 
was. Head back and push him down the ramp (he should hit the crate and not go
into the water this way). Now, puch him around the left, being carful that he 
doesn't get hit by and of the bouncing/falling crates.
Take him all the way around to where the plane crashed, and he will tell you 
he'll stop there, and that you can go on without him.

Leave him and head out to the platform that the B pad rose out of not too long
When on the pad hit B and you will pull out your slingshot. Aim for the barrel 
and fire you flaming nuts....*cough* at the purple guy, until you light the fuse
on the TNT barrel attached to his back.

Now, go back to the mens room and get another purple guy out. This time take him
down the right path. This path is ridden with spider mines. When you approach one
it will surface, but luckily, they can't actually move. My advice is simple, 
walk forward with conker carefully first, find where the mines are infront of 
you, and then walk with the barrel carefully past them. 
When you've got the second barrel where it has to be, go back to the B pada again
and shoot another flaming nut at it to light it's fuse.
When he exlodes it will blow the plane away, giving you somewhere to leave out of.

Turn back around and you will spot the sergent on the steps. Hop down, and enjoy
an excellent parodie from Saving Private Ryan, and one of the best damn in game
cut scenes you will see.

The Assault:

(I warn you..... the Tediz will be mumbling things.....including what is 
undoubtedly mother [email protected]!&er..., and uncensored too)

After the cut scene, you find yourself on a beach. Quickly take cover behind the 
closet X shaped thingy. Make your way up the beach, using the X's for cover, and 
making a break for it to the next X as fire breifly stops. 
Make your way up to a pit at the wall where the Tediz are firing from.

Sole Survivor:

After yet another cut scene you will find yourself equpied with all you 
need.........a Cigar and two machine guns.

Shoot the lock off the door you see and enter...

There are 4 Tediz in this room. One on top of a pile of crates, and the other
3 are on the ground, and move about the place.
Try for head shots, and don't loose too much health ^_^

After taking out the 4 tediz in the room, a door will open. 
Crawl under the first 3 lazer mines. Now, walk around the corner, in First Person
Mode, gun out ready to kill. As you near the first crate a one Tedi will jump out.
When you reach the second, two will jump out. When you get near the corner, 
another will come out of no where at you.
Keep your guns out an approach the lazer.... a bunch of Tediz will run out from 
the left side at the crate, take em out.
Jump through the lazer and as soon as you land take out your guns again.
Walk forward, and get ready for more Tediz to seemingly come from nowhere...
Walk under the lazers, still in First person mode, ready to shoot more of the evil
bastards as they appear.
Make your way to the door at the end of the passageway, again, taking care of the 
Tediz as they appear.

Now that you've been in the elevator you will be in another corridor. Hop over 
the first two lasers, take your guns out, kill Tediz, jump over next lazer, 
move forward, kill Tediz.

Now, watch out for the guys with flame throwers..... keep your guns out all 
the time, wait and as soon as they stop flaming, run for it past them and get 
ready for more Tediz.
When you get to the next corner prepare to be ambushed by Tediz. Take care of 
Turn the corner, more Tediz will come after you. Again, kill em and move on 
past the vertical lazers very carefully.
As usual, watch of for Tediz.
Turn the corner, be aware of the flame thrower guys, jump the lazers, keep a 
lookout for Tediz.
When you get to the next corner about 5 more Tediz will come running around, 
so again, put holes in them and move on.
You're not on the last stretch... Keep an eye out for tediz, and move up to the
lazers. Jump over the first two, then walk under the X shaped ones.
Now go through the door.
(as usual).

Casualty Dept.:

There are a bunch of Tediz in here, who look like they have been performing a 
few *ahem* "experiments".
They will attack you very innacurately by throwing knives at you. Stand still 
and when you see one coming for you just shoot him.

When you've cleared the room of Tediz wlk to the back right part of the room. 
You'll see a Squirrel in an eleectric chair. After a brief chat you will have 
two levers to pull, one supposidly will fry him, the other wil let him out.
Pull a lever, and then pull the other one to open a door in the back of the

Go in...

You will see a single Tedi.....controlling a huge turret gun. Make your way up to
him, using crates for cover, and only moving when he stops to reload.
Run and stand next to him (he can't hit you at this range) and you should see a 
rope to the right, and next to it a pipe. On the nxt reload dash behind the pipe.
Wait for the next reload and dump onto the rope and climb it as fast as you can.
If you are hit you will loose 2-3 blocks of chocolate.
As soon as you get to the top of the rope jump off to the left, use the pipe for
cover, and run along until you find a B pad (be very careful not to fall off 
though). Once on the B pad quickly hit B, and use the Bazooka that it just gave 
you to kill the guy in the turret.

Jump down in the turret, and prepare to have a bloody hard time..
The first wave of Tediz come from the right passageway, the second lot from the
left passageway, and then they come from both sides. This is going to be damn 
hard. And you'll most likely get your ass kicked quite a few times.....
If you are game enough you can jump out of the turret when you have taken a bit
of damage, and collect some of the chocolate around it...but be warned this can
be a dangerous move.
After you have gone through 10 ****ing controllers, screamed a bit and punched a 
few holes in the wall.. (you've killed all of the SOBs) a door will open.
Get out of the gun and head for the door.

Walk past the master plan blueprint, and take the ramp to the left.

Saving Private Rodent:

After another cut scene you will find yourself outside, behind a firing squad.
Run arund the left side and take out the three in a row, then turn left and pop
a cap in the remaining Tedi.
You'll now see a cut scene that tells you that what he is wearing is a new 
proto-type indestructable suit, and that you can pretty much use him as a sheild
Go left, shoot him once of twice for fun and then keep moving forward.
Soon after another tiny cut scene a bmomb will drop infront of you, then soon 
after Rodent will say "get behind my conker"..., do so because a spider mine is
coming straight for you.

Keep moving along, after every second bomb is dropped another spider mine will 
come after you, again, use Rodent as protection.

When you reach the end of the trench, Rodent will tell you too shoot the locks 
off the doors, and that he'll meet back up with you in a bit.

Head forward, and to the right. Walk out onto the dock and then jump onto the
purple B pad.
Aim your Bazooka at the four red/orange circles around the lock, shoot the one 
at a time. You may die, but it doesn't matter because the lock will stay 
Now....go into the small opening between the big doors.

Chemical Warfare:

Oooooh a tank says Rodent........ wow, a class twenty-two.....I've never been in
one of those before.......I'll just hop in he says...and that's that...

Get up and jump into the tank. 
Drive up to the door, take aim and blast it open.
Jump out of the tank and run through.

Jump down and then jump over the pool of radioactive green waste. As soon as you
jump over turn back around and jump back over to aviod copping the blast of the
spider mine which will come after you.
Jump back over, jump the next pool after that and then come right back again.
Do the same for the final pit and then head across the bridge and pull the lever 
at the end.
Now, run back the way you came and out the door you blasted open to enter...
Be warend though, the camera is infront of you, so you can't really see what's 
ahead of you.

The Tower:

Go back to the tank and hop on in. Drive out to the first bridge and get out of
the tank. Watch your ass, because if you are spotted by a gunner you will be 
dead in a matter of seconds. Hover over to the other side, run up to the top of 
the raised bridge and hit B on the B pad. You'll transform into an Anvil (one 
of those big metal things that are always in cartoons) and push the bridge down.
Shoot the the tower leg in the yellow and black spot.
Keep progressing forward, and be very careful because apart from the gunner, 
Tediz will jump out of the ground at you a lot too, which is fine when your in 
the tank, but on foot they can be very dangerous.
Lower the next bridge and again shoot the second tower leg. A word of advice 
too, tanks can't swim....

Tip: When you get to shooting th final tower leg run over, or blow the 
stuffing out of the 3 ****ing grenade throwing Tediz, because they can kill you
in a matter of seconds (even in the tank).
Alternatly you could lower all of the bridges, and then come back and shoot the
four tower legs out in one run. It's up to you.

Once you've shot out the final leg of the tower walk across the thin log that
will take you too a hole in the ground... Jump in.

Little Girl:

Walk over the bridge and towards the little girl.
After a cut scene where a missle is fired at conker he decides to recsue her (her
parents are bound to have some cash).

You'll see a sheltered structure, and a pier going off from it. There are 3 
submarines infront of the end of the pier. Stand next to the shelter until you 
hear a missle launch, then run to the end of the pier onto the B pad, pull out 
your bazooka and shoot the submarine. Run back to the side of the shelter, face 
the pier, wait till you hear/see the next missle launch and repeat the process 
until you have destroyed the last of the subs.
Go back down the pier and head to the left until you come to the next pier.
There are more subs to destroy here (6 to be exact), and a respawning block of 
chocolate under the shelter.
The subs here fire in twos..... Wait until both have launched their missles and 
then do as before. 
Note: The final two subs shoot out of time....
When you've destroyed them all move to the next pier.
Again, there will be two subs, firing missles at you.... you should have the 
idea by now... so deal with them.

After they are all destroyed, go back to the little girl.

The Experiment:

After talking to the little girl, you will, shall we say come across a boss...
At first chance run to the tank and hop in.
Quickly back up under the shelter. Keep the tank tread this way = so you can 
move left and right, turn your turrt so it is facing the experiment.
Wait for the miniguns to stop firing, rush out, shoot, and rush back in.
You have to shoot off both of the miniguns (one at a time).
Now, ride out and fire a missle at the little girl puppet. Drive behind him 
quickly, but keep your distance, and fire a missle into the huge gaping hole 
in it's back.
Get back under shelter, and wait for it to pull out it's two lazers..
Drive out one side of the shelter until the lazers almost catch up to you, then 
zoom across to the other side and shoot off both of the lazers (they move/aim 
very slowly).
Again, shoot off the puppet, and put a rocket in it's back.
Head for shelter and get ready. Missles this time. Both of the launchers send 
them in lots of 4, when you get a break fire at one, duck back in and then do the
same for the other.
Again, off with the puppet and then put a missle in it's back.
And bam bam, as easy as that you're done.


The little girl will be kinda pissed now that you have crapped up her plans.
She'll start a self destruct sequence that will blow the place in 4 minutes, 
30 seconds. Find the hole in the ground and jump down.
Walk up the the lazers, hover over the first two, and jump normally over the 
third (or you can try your luck at hovering right through in one go). Now, crawl
(hold Z plus a direction on the control stick incase you forgot :P) under the 
four criss-crossed lazers. You'll see lazers that are verticle to the ground. 
Just hover through a gap (no need to turn while in the air). Pull out your guns,
turn the corner and kill the Tediz. 
Note, those ****ing Tediz can run through lazers and hunt you down, so it's 
essential that you do actually kill them.
Jump up onto the box, and crawl under the lazer. Hover through the next set of
Whip out the guns again, take the corner and kill the Tedi.
My advice for the next one.... Jump on the box to the right, crawl under the
lazer, then jump and hover over the top of the last one.
Crawl under the last lot of lazers.
Walk up to the exit, but be careful, because a set of blue lazers will activate
as you near.
Jump on the crate closets to the exit and take out your bazooka. Blow the crap 
out of all the tediz in the room. When you shoot the last one he'll fly onto
the lazers, and you can now go out the door.
Your Bazooka is your current weapon, if you want you can choose to kill the very
accurate Tediz with your Bazooka, or just run the hell away (tail-spining most 
of the way). Make your way to where you first came onto the beach alive........
when you make it, give yourself a pat on the back and watch the cut scene.

Peace at last!:

RODENT LIVES! Yep.... you find out that the 'lil tropper lives after all in the
cut scene. *dances* What a happy, happy moment.

Anyway, there is nothing to do here, so take one last look, and have a bit of a 
walk if you feel the need and then exit the way you first came in.


The Windmill's Dead:

Bet you can't guess what's been destroyed in this chapter, eh?
Yeah, the windmilld has been destroyed, and lies scattered about part of Windy.
Walk to where Ms. Bee's hive was.... check out her limp and bloody body, crushed 
under part of the windmill and take some time out to laugh :P

Now, head up to the top of the mountain that the windmill once was... catch up 
with Private Rodent and then walk into the hole that is where the windmill once 

You may have stumbled across this place, as I did towards the start of the game.

You will get to meet berri again here and you'll also be "offered" a job to 
do.... you gladly accept it, on one condition, that you get to wear a kewel 
outfit, just like the one berri has one (leather). In no time you'll be looking
quite a bit like Neo, of the Matrix, and you tail will be engulfed by your trench
coat, so no more tail spinning for you.

Walk up and enter the bank.

Enter the Vertex:

Watch the excellent cut scene and prepare to attempt on of the coolest levels in
any game :P

Run up behind a pillar, and wait for the weasels to start shooting at you.
When you hear them yell "regroup!" hit the B button for some bloody amazing
action. When in the air use take aim at a weasel and fire (with the Z button).
You only need to hit them once to kill them. When you are aimed for them the
cross-hair and weasel will turn read.
There are two lots of two weasels at the first lot of pillars, when all four are
dead Berri will de-activate the first set of lazers.
When she does, move up behind the next pillar. Here you will face two groups of
three weasels, again wait for them to yell "regroup!" and jump out (when 
regrouping the weasels won't fire at you). Take care of all six and move up to 
the next pillar (left or right, it's up to you, personally I like the left).
Be careful not to take too long to kill the weasels because their bullets will 
eat away at the pillars, removing your cover.
You will be greeted with another six weasles, that once more will come in two
groups of three. This time, be more careful, because the weasels can hit you 
even when you think you're covered by the pillars. Wait for them to aim their 
fire at Berri and jump out and attack.
When they are all dead approach the last pillar. These guys are getting hard, 
and intense. They will be able to pretty much completely disintegrate a pillar in
a matter of seconds. Good luck, and just do as before..... oh, and if they 
totally wipe out the pillar you are using for cover, jump out anyway and attack.
When you take out the last lot of weasels move on into the safe.

The Vault:

Here you will be greeted with almost a Million dollars...... just jumping around,
waiting to be taken. Get out that pan, knock one down and pocket it, repeat this
twice more and then you will see a "some time later........" screen, and Conker
will have collected $1 000 000!

After a little celebration Conker will turn around and see the Panther King.  

It's time to face the game's final boss. I won't try to spoil much here for you.

When you can, activate the switch near the Panther King's Chair. This, among a
few other things will open a door that has a special suit in it. Find the suit 
and jump in.

Spacesuit controls:

B - Punch
A - Jump/hover for a little while
Z - Block

Now, for some boss strategy. He/it :P has two attacks. One is he will get close
to you and bite to crap out of you, and the other he will spin and try to whip 
you with his tail.When he swings his tail all you have to do is jump it.
When he bites, you just have to block. Your job is to find a break (when he 
backs off is good) and get in a combo of punches, finishing it off with an 
uppercut that will knock him back for a few seconds. When he's knocked back run
behind him, grab his tail and then think back to Super Mario 64. Pity it 
doesn't have the bowser music....but I'll get over it. Once you've picked it up
rotate the control stick slowly in circles, and speed up as you start to swing 
it faster.
Once you are swinging it fast (it will lift off the ground, and won't be 
scraping it anymore), aim it for the Air lock and let go of it (with B).
You just have to do this twice more and you've got him beat. But be warned, he 
will get harder each time.

Well, that's it from me, I'm not going to spoil the ending....

Conradulations on beating Conker's Bad Fur Day, one of the funniest and most
enjoyable games I've played in a very long time. And if you are reading this
before you've completed the game then you need a good talking too. Get your
lazy ass infront of a tv.....(wait a minute....that doesn't sound right) and
complete the damn thing!


02. Money Locations



- None in this chapter.


- While playing in the "Sewage Sucks" semi-quest, swim back the entrance of
  the area, where you will find a wad of cash screaming for you in an alcove.
  You can only access this money AFTER you've flooded the area with poo. ($100)

- Make your way to the top of Poo Mountain to find this cash. ($100)

- Help the Queen Bee get her hive back from the wasps, and she'll hook you up
  with some dough. ($100)

- This cash is tough to get. If you look off the side of Poo Mountain, you
  will see a colorful wasp's nest with honeycombs engraved into the sides
  of the nest. There is a wad of cash here, inside one of the enclosed
  honeycombs. ($100)


- This wad of cash lies on the roof above Marvin and his bitch (the two blocks).
  Just use them to hop onto the pipes near the barn, then jump onto the roof,
  where you will find the cash. ($100)

- After completing the "Sunny Days" quest with the king bee and the sexy sun-
  flower, use the sunflower's breasts to bounce up and down using her breasts, 
  and she'll bounce you high into the air. When you get enough air, hop into 
  the alcolve above her to snatch some cash. ($100)

- After beating the "Haybot Wars" quest and exiting the battle arena, you'll
  meet a monkey who is reading. Hop onto his book, and he'll launch you
  up high onto the rafters above, where there is money to be found. ($100)

- Once you've completed the "Slam Dunk" quest and opened up the gate in the
  green river near the sunflower, swim into the now open gate, and you will
  find the money. ($100)


- After completing the "Brass Monkeys" quest and exiting the safe, the catfish
  will give you this money. ($10)

- Once you've completed the "Brass Monkeys" quest and escaped the wrath of
  the Jaws-like dogfish, he'll create a springboard for you. Hop on his back
  and jump to the alcolve above him and take the load of cash in here. ($300)


- This money can be taken after defeating the Great Mighty Poo in "Sweet
  Melody". It's in the alcolve that you access after flushing the poo down
  the drain. ($100)


- This stack of cash is located on top of the first tower in "Drunken Gits",
  on the top floor near the dragon statue which you must stop into the ground
  with your anvil. ($100)

- This next stack of cash is located on the back of the Dragon God in "Phlegm"
  on his spine, with an extra Tail-Thingy and pieces of chocolate.

- You can get this cash after you free Berri in the Rock Solid Club, in the
  "Rock Solid" quest. It's where Berri was trapped. ($100)

- This cash is at the exit of Uga Buga, after fighting Buga himself in "Buga
  the Knut" quest. It's on the ledge outside of the exit, before you jump into
  the storm drain and exit to Sloprano, then back to Poo Mountain.


- Right at the end of spooky, when you have finished with the mansion and taken
  Mr. Barrel down the windy path, through the graveyard and to the end of the 
  lake onto the little bit of land. Just go through the opening and you will 
  find a wad of cash right there.
  This is up in the waterfall near the very start of the game. ($100)


 - There is no cash in Chapter 8, so don't bother looking :)


- In the vault you can collect a good $1 000 000.. This is just before the 
  final boss.


03. Tail-Thingy Locations



- None in this area that I am aware of.


- At the beginning, on the post near Mrs. Bee and her hive is where this tail
  is located.

- During the "Sewage Sucks" episode, swim into the central area, and to the
  top of the poo-water, where a wooden beam awaits. Hop onto the beam, and
  the tail-thingy lies on one end of the beam.

- Complete "Wasp's Revenge" quest after beating Chapter 6: Uga Buga, and Mrs.
  Bee will give you this cash. ($400)


- Inside of the cheese-corral, there is a large boulder in the rear-center.
  Make your way to this area, and hop across the center boulders until a
  light blub appears over Conker's head. When this happens (it'll happen when
  you are in mid-air), hit B, and Conker will "hammer" down the boulder,
  revealing a tail-thingy

- Head to the top of the barn, where there is a piece of chocolate and the
  $100 cash, but instead of going to where the chocolate is, use the 2 blocks
  below you to stand on the pipes, and hop over to the side-ledge that goes
  around the barn on the outside. On this ledge, if you follow it, you will
  find pieces of chocolate, but most importantly, a tail-thingy.

- Once you've completed the "Slam Dunk" quest and opened up the gate in the
  green river near the sunflower, swim into the now open gate, and you will
  find the extra Tail-Thingy hanging inside. This is the tunnel where you can
  also find $100 cash.


- Behind the waterfall in the central area of Bat's Tower, near where the lady
  catfish are swimming. It's inside of the cave behind the waterfall, near some
  chocolate pieces.


- This can be found near the storm-drain after defeating the Great Mighty Poo
  in "Sweet Melody". It's hanging on the wall near the water.


- This extra Tail-Thingy is located on the back of the Dragon God in "Phlegm"
  on his spine, with some money and pieces of chocolate.


- Spooky doesn't have a single tail for you to collect.


 - There are no Tails to be found in War either.


- There also aren't any tails in Heist.



04. Weapons and Items


Anvil: This isn't really a weapon as it is an item. Conker uses this on certain
       Context Sensitive pads when he needs to fall to safety or to crush
       something below (like to hit a pad or to find money somewhere hidden).

Confidence Pills: Conker takes these in Chapter 2, during the "Sewage Sucks"
                  Quest. Find the Context Sensitive pad in the water to take
                  the pills, and to learn how to swim underwater.

Flamethrower: Conker uses this in the "Barry & Co." quest in Chapter 3 to keep
              the bats away as he tries to hop from platform to platform. It
              only works when the light blub appears over his head.

Frankie the Pitchfork: I guess he can be considered a weapon, since you use
                       him in Chapter 3 to defeat the great Haybot in 2
                       quests. All he can do is stab at something with his
                       pointy-end, and all you do is press B to do so. He's
                       pretty weak.

Frying Pan: This is Conker's main weapon, but you can't get it right away. You
            must first complete the "Pan Handled" quest in Chapter 1 to get
            it, but this is fairly simple to do. You use this weapon as your
            default weapon when you are not using Context Sensitive pads and

Knives: These are used in certain Context Sensitive pads when he needs to cut
        certain things down (like live wires or a certain suicidal pitchfork
        in Chapter 3...).

Seltzer: Conker uses this in a variety of areas, but mostly after he's been
         drunk, and needs to cure his hangover. This is used in Chapter 1 and
         Chapter 4, respectively.

Shotgun: Conker uses this awesome weapon first in Chapter 7 (Spooky) against
         the zombies. Gregg (Death) gives it to him to replace his frying
         pan at the outstart of the Chapter.

Slingshot: You pay Birdy the Scarecrow to use this in Chapter 2, and it allows
           you to kill the wasps guarding the entrance to Poo Mountain and
           Chapter 3.

Toilet-Paper: Conker uses this as a weapon in Chapter 5, in the "Sweet Melody"
              quest. He uses it to defeat the Great Mighty Poo boss. It's really
              quiet big when compared to Conker, though.

Flaming Nuts: These are found in It's War in Chapter 8 (War). You fire them with
              your slingshot and use them to light the fuses of two TNT Barrels.

Double 9mm Machine Guns: This are first aquired in Sole Survivor in Chapter 8
                         (War). They have a fairly big clip, and are pretty 
                         damn powerful. They are also used in "Enter the Vertex"
                         in Chapter 8 (Heist). 

Bazooka: The Bazooka is first found in Chapter 8 (War). It is a "B-pad" weapon
         for a while, but in the last section of War it emporarily replaces your
         two machine guns.

This document Copyright © 2000-2001 Nemesis™ and Pyro Vesten. All rights reserved.


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