FAQ/Walkthrough - Guide for Conker's Bad Fur Day

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An FAQ/Walkthrough by CyricZ
Version 1.1
E-mail: cyricz42@hotmail.com
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1. Introduction
2. FAQ
3. Menus
4. Level Walkthroughs
   A. Hungover
   B. Windy
   C. Barn Boys
   D. Windy, Part II
   E. Bats Tower
   F. Sloprano
   G. Uga Buga
   H. Windy, Part III
   I. Spooky
   J. It's War
   K. Heist
5. Multiplayer
   A. Settings
   B. Weapons
   C. Special Scenarios
   D. Deathmatches
6. Miscellany
   A. Money Locations
   B. Tail Locations
   C. Cheat Codes
7. Legal
8. Credits
9. Version Updates
10. The Final Word

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1. Introduction

Hi!  Welcome to my fourth FAQ!  This FAQ is for Conker's Bad Fur Day,
Rare's irreverent, twisted, potty-mouthed platform game.  Yes.  This
game is NOT for children.  I repeat, this game is NOT FOR CHILDREN!
Not only should you be mature to play this game, but it helps if you
also have a South Park-y sense of humor.

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2. FAQ

Q: What is Conker's Bad Fur Day?

A: Conker's Bad Fur Day (BFD) is a platform game created by Rare.  It's
not like any other game Nintendo has ever sponsored.  It has bad
language, sexual references, and graphic violence (Well, as graphic as
violence can get for a cartoon).

Q: I'm under 17.  How can I convince my parents to let me buy this game?

A: You can't.  They see all and know all...  I only help with getting
through the game, not with getting the game...

Q: So, why does this game deserve it's M rating?

A: Well...

Language: Everything but the f-word and major anatomy references are in
full audibility.

Sexual references: Um... Well, let's just leave it with a big
resounding "yes"...

Violence: Pieces of animals fly everywhere. Blood, gore, bones, aaallll
over the place.

Anything else? Feces, putting out fires with one's one liquid waste,
and lots of other stuff.

Q: Could you please just specifically tell me everything in the game
that's bad?

A: Okay, but *SPOILERS!!!*

Language: hell, damn, ass, bastard, bitch, shit, twat, and I'm probably
forgetting others...

Sexual references: References to oral sex involving a cog being placed
on a peg.  References to anal sex in the same manner, and references to
homosexuality.  A boiler has large brass testicles.  A sunflower has
large breasts.  A bee pollinates a flower, and off-screen, one can
hear orgasm.  Scantily clad female rock creatures and cavewomen.

Violence: Insects, mice, cavemen, squirrels, bears, dinosaurs, catfish,
bats, cows, weasels, panthers, zombies, all killed in violent manners.
Decapitations, exposed brain, and exposed bone.  Damage to crotch
sensitive areas.

Bodily Excretions: Vomit, urine, and feces all play a role.  Feces
comprises a large portion of some areas, including watching cows
excrete, swimming through feces, and fighting an enemy made of feces.

Mature Themes: Drugs, war, suicide, bittersweet ending...

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3. Menus

---

Main Menu

The main menu looks suspiciously like Conker's favorite pub: The Cock
and Plucker.  You can view your choices by pressing left or right on the
Control Stick.

Game 1, Game 2, Game 3: These opened up your saved game files.  Games
are automatically saved at convenient places.  Once selected, you'll
have the option to Play or Erase.

Multi: Enters the storage room in the back of the pub, where you can
access the Multiplayer Menu.

Chapters: Enters the cloak room of the pub, where you can access any
section of any chapter you have already completed.  Nice for replaying
your favorite scenes...  To switch chapters, just press left or right
on the Stick.

Options: Allows you to adjust the Sound (Stereo, Mono, Dolby Surround
Sound) or talk to the Fire Imp about Cheats (Type in naughty words to
get a reaction).

---

Multiplayer Menu:

You can choose from one of the seven games (from left to right): Beach,
Raptor, Heist, Deathmatch, War, Tank, or Race.  The multiplayer options
are further explained in the Multiplayer section.

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4. Level Walkthroughs

Since the developers were nice enough to divide the game into chapters,
I figure I'd do the honor of dividing my walkthroughs up as such...

Well, enjoy the cinematic opening...  Fans of A Clockwork Orange should
pick up the parody immediately.  Long story short, Conker stumbles out
into the rain after a rough night of hittin' the pub.  He wakes up, and
has no clue as to where he is.  We also learn about the Panther King,
who has a problem with the milk on his table...

***********************************************************************

A. Hungover

This is your intro level.  You'll learn basic manuevers here.  Use them
well, and enjoy your temporary invincibility...

---

Scaredy Birdy

Control over Conker at this point is sluggish at best, him being
hungover and all...  Steer him as best as you can around the back side
of the fenced enclosure before you.  You'll have a little chit-chat
with Birdy the Scarecrow.  He'll tell you to go to the other side of
him.  Do so, walking onto the podium, and he'll (to the best of his
drunken ability) explain "context-sensitive" buttons to ya, whereby you
press B and stuff happens...

So, press B, like he says, and you'll hand him a bottle of brew, which
he'll greatfully accept, and he'll point you towards the other one you
just walked by.  Head towards the other one, or you can press B on the
same one again, where you'll give him a tank of helium (?) and another
bottle of ale.

Anyway, step on the other B Pad, and Conker will pop some Alka-Seltzer
for ya.  In this crazy world, it sobers you right up.  Remember that...

Conker will then explain context-sensitive a bit more clearly and you'll
be sobered up and on your way!  NOTE: You can only use B Pads when the
lightbulb appears above Conker's head...

---

Pan-Handled

Thankfully, you're now in full, standard control of Conker:

Stick: Run
A: Jump
B: Swing
Z: Crouch
L: Skip Cutscene (Must have watched it once)
R: Hold to look around with Stick
Up C: Shift camera from close to long
Down C: Centers camera behind Conker
Left/Right C: Rotate Camera in that direction.
START: Pause the game.  You can do this at just about any time (even
  during cutscenes)

(You actually have all this from the get-go, but jumping etc. doesn't
really work when hammered)

So, hop in the water and swim to the island near the edge of the
waterfall.  Don't worry about falling off, you'll land safely at the
bottom.  Note the wad of bills behind the grating.  Don't worry about it
though, you'll get it MUCH later...  You can swim into the cave at the
end, and you'll reappear at the top next to Beard... eh, Birdy...

Once you reach the island, Conker will remember his High Jump and his
Helicoptery Tail Thing:

Hold Z, then press A: High Jump
Jump, then press and hold A in midair: Helicoptery Tail Thing

So, it's your mission to jump and hover clockwise around the wall of
this open area.  Good place to practice, really.  Ignore the door as
you pass it, and continue jumping until you reach the bridge at the
top.  There's a gargoyle sitting in the middle.  Have a chat if you
wish.  Don't try to push or hit him, though, as he'll grab you and toss
you down the falls (Again, you won't get hurt).  Note the lever just in
front of the bridge, however.  High Jump up and you'll automatically
grab it.

Will wonders never cease; it opens the door you passed!  Hop down the
way you came to the door.  Once you enter, it'll slam shut behind you
and lock.  Fortunately, the key is right in front of you (so, why did
we enter again?)  Oddly enough, this key seems quite active, and afraid
of you.  Chase the key and Conker will remember he had something.
Press B...

B: Swing Frying Pan

Oh, a frying pan!  Of course!  I can see how he forgot that...

Anyway, dash towards the key, and bash him with the utensil, and it'll
collapse on the ground.  Walk towards it, and you'll automatically pick
it up.  Walk towards the door, and you're free!

---

Gargoyle

Now, how 'bout that lump of stone blocking the way?  Make your way up
to our friend here (you'll chat with him if you haven't already).  Get
close and quickly whap him with the pan.  He'll be amused at your
attempts to uproot him.  He'll be so amused that he'll lose his footing
and land hard at the bottom of the falls.  Whatever...

D'oh!  The tremor of the impact jarred loose a boulder, and you've got
ANOTHER lump of stone blocking your way!  Look off to the right of the
boulder, and you'll notice a wooden platform.  High Jump onto the rock,
and take a running leap over to the platform.  Convenient place for a
B Pad...

Bada-BOOM!  No more rock...  Proceed through the passageway, and you'll
be treated to a cutscene over at Panther King land, and you'll learn
the reason why Conker will become such a wanted man in the future...

***********************************************************************

B. Windy

This is technically the main hub area for the game.  You'll be
returning here many times, and not everything can be done in one trip
here, so it's all split up.  I'll be making separate sections for each
of the three big trips to Windy.

NOTE: In the last cutscene, you learned about Anti-Gravity Chocolate.
This is the stuff your life bar's made of.  You have a maximum of six
available.

NOTE: If, at any time, you run out of chocolate (health), you'll visit
Gregg, the Grim Reaper (don't laugh).  He'll explain (rather
begrudgingly) that Tails are your lives.  Once you grab the Tail, you'll
return to life.  Tails will then appear around the world in certain
locations.  For instance, there'll be one right on the signpost in this
area.

---

Mrs. Bee

Walk down the slope, picking up the chocolate, and head in the direction
of "Nice".  You'll meet up with Mrs. Bee who'll lament to you about the
loss of her hive.  Natch, it's your duty to get it back.  Head back to
the signpost, and go towards "Nasty".  Walk up to big honeycombed area
and pick up the hive in front of it.  Once you do, three nasty wasps 
(Wayne and the Wankas Gang) will pop out and try to sting yer tail...  
Hightail it out of there as fast as possible.  Don't get hit, or you'll 
drop the hive, and you'll have to start over.  Fortunately, if you run 
at top speed, the stingers will just miss you.  So, run like heck, and 
watch out when you get to the area with a green circle surrounded by a 
yellow circle.  That yellow ground is sticky honey and will slow you 
down, so run around it, all the way down, past the signpost, and back 
to Mrs. Bee.  She'll be so pleased, she'll give you a reward of 100 
smackers.

Now, cross the bridge, and walk up to the B pad area.  Some dung
beetles will notice you, but they won't attack unless you get close, so
don't get close.  Walk onto the B Pad, and charming old Birdy will give
you info about the "manual".  He wants money for it, so that's why you
did the little favor for Mrs. Bee.  Cough up the change, and he'll
cough up the manual (note the Full Metal Jacket reference).  Your cash
is very loyal, so it'll hop out of Birdy's pocket and right back to
you.  Fair enough.

Now, step on the B Pad, and you'll learn about the catapult (slingshot
here in the States):

Stick: Aim
Z: Fire
B: Exit

Simple enough.  Now, time to take care of those dung beetles who have
some kind of thing against you.  Hit one with the slingshot and it'll
fly up to charge and attack.  Hit it again to turn it into a gooey
mess.  Do this for all four and you'll be able to proceed.  A door will
open up in the odd wheat-like structure.

You can explore the rest of this area, if you wish, but you can't do
anything.  You can go to the poo area, and you'll find a cabin that
says "Back at 10".  No can do there...  Past it, you'll notice a ladder
leading up to a hole.  Entering it will take you to a rickety bridge,
across which lies the Feral Reserve Bank...  Attempting to cross it will
leave you down in the mud, so you're not going that way, either.  Only
way to go is through the entrance opened up when you beat the dung
beetles.

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Barn Boys

This area is full of nice little farm-related surprises, and some that
are not-quite-so farm related...

---

Marvin

Head to the right of the barn in front of you, and you'll run across a
very stinky mouse (so stinky, that Conker has trouble keeping his
lunch down) and a metal block with a bigger one on his back.  The block
wants you to get rid of the rat.  To do this, head around the left side
of the barn, up the slope, timing your movements so you avoid the
blocks trying to crush you, and run up to the block in front of the
fence, who'll introduce himself as Burt.  You'll tell him Jack sent
you, and he'll open the fence leading to the cheese bouncing around.

To grab the cheese, hit one with your frying pan and run into it.  Run
back to the mouse, and he'll happily eat the cheese.  Do this twice
more, and Marvin the mouse will get a REALLY bad case of gas...

BIG TIP!  Start jumping around on the walls behind the cheese enclosure.
When you have some good height above the wall that has the least height,
you'll see the "bulb".  Press B, and you'll anvil smash the rock.
Sitting there will be a tail.  Pick it up, and you'll have an extra TEN
tails to your name!  Pretty sweet.

Now that the big block's off Jack, hop up onto the blocks, then onto
the pipe lining the barn, then onto the roof.  Snag the wad of cash
sitting up there, and Conker will note that it's ten o' clock.  You can
go back and go inside the cabin in Poo Land, but, since I'm trying to
keep everything together here, we'll finish this area...

---

Mad Pitchfork

While on top of the barn, step on the big button, and you'll open the
main door.  Hop down carefully, and enter.  You'll find a bunch of
haystacks hopping around, and at the far end are Franky the Pitchfork, 
Reg the Brush, and Ron the Paint Pot.  Ron will mention it's the 
Franky's turn to do thebutt-kicking, so trot on over there and oblige 
him.

Franky the Fork will start chasing you around, and when he gets close,
he'll go for a dashing poke attack.  The way to win this fight is to
lead him near the haystacks, and get behind them.  When he sticks the
stacks, they blow.  Once you've busted up all the stacks, he'll give
up, and decide, since he's no good at butt-kicking that he'll kill
himself.  Unfortunately, he has no neck, so hanging himself has just
put him in a position in which he can't move...  D'oh...

Anyhoo, there's a lever on the wall opposite the door.  Pull on it, and
the King Bee will tumble out from his perch high above outside.  Push
on the main door, and go outside.

---

Sunny Days

The King Bee will be sitting outside.  Talk to him, and he'll mention
the sunflower, and how he wants to "pollinate" her...  Uh...huh...

So, have a chat with her, and you'll learn that she's ticklish...  Go
back to the wooden platform near the King Bee, and you'll see a small
swarm of Tickly Bees (just what you needed).  They'll follow you to her,
where they'll stay while she giggles.

So, that's one, and now you need to find four more swarms and bring them
to her.  Here are the locations of all five:

1: Wooden platform near the King
2: Near the entrance to this area.
3: Roof with the switch to open the barn.
4: On the walls behind the cheese enclosure.
5: Up high in the big bucket.  Climb onto the roof, then High Jump to
the top of the thatch, then climb the rest of the way up.

You can grab them all in a bunch.  They'll follow you slowly.

Once all five are there, her magnificent stigmas will be exposed in all
their glory (Calm yourselves, gents...)  Conker's expression during
this cutscene is priceless, really...  Now, the sunflower will ask you
if you fancy a bounce.  Yes, you do...

High Jump onto her stigmas, and you'll be launched into the air, near
an opening that has a wad of sponduli (money).  You need to launch high,
though, and it's rather tough to do.  You need to press A just before
you launch.  If you flip in the air, you're doing it wrong.  You need
to launch straight up so you can hover over to the opening and snag the
money.

---

Barry + Co

All right.  Now, High Jump onto the wooden crate bouncing around the
wooden platform, and enter the barn.  Some bats hanging in the rafters
will notice you.  Once you cross the thin beams, they'll try to swoop
down and attack you.  Note that while you're on the beams, you'll get a
lightbulb.  Wait until you hear the bat squeak, then press B.  Conker
will whip out his trusty flamethrower and torch the offending rodent.
Heh...

Continue along the beams torching bats, and hit the B Pad.  Conker will
pull out his ginsu knives (aren't cartoons great?) and you can throw
them at Franky.  Aim for the rope he's hanging from, and throw five 
knives at him.  After the fifth one, you'll sever the rope, dropping 
him to the ground.

---

Buff You

Drop to the ground, yourself, and you'll talk to Franky.  He'll offer
you a ride:

A: Jump
B: Stab

Head for Mr. Big Haystack with Arms.  Stab him, while trying to avoid
his slaps, and he'll catch fire.  Stab him again, and he'll partially
burn away, revealing a Terminator-like eye.  Stab him once more, and
he'll bust up the floor, tumbling the three of you down into the
basement.

---

Haybot Wars

It's time for a match with the nasty Haybot.  Conker's at a bit of a
disadvantage, since he hurt his leg in the fall, so you can be the most
mobile on Franky.

The Haybot first attacks by launching Suzie 9mm missiles when you're far
away, and slaps you when you're near.  If you're in range of either of
these attacks, jump to avoid them.  Run behind one of the three pipes
surrounding the area and the missiles will bust it open.  Haybot will
then chase after you.  Lure him into the water gushing from the pipe,
and he'll be electrocuted by the wires, causing him to spin around
slowly...

Note the button on his back that says "Do Not Push".  Hmm...  Hop up
next to him, jump towards his back, and you'll get the "bulb".  Press B,
and Conker will jam the button down, blowing his arm.

You need to do this twice more, with the two other pipes in the area.
Once you jam the button down for the third time, Haybot will be scrap
metal.

---

Frying Tonight

Don't start celebrating yet.  You've got to get out of here, and the
water level's rising, getting really close to those hanging wires...

Swim over to the big pipe with the Exit signs.  Climb up the ladder,
and hurry to the B Pad.  You'll pull out your knives again.  Hurl them
at the wires nearest you.  If you face towards the center of the
basement, there's one above and to the left, one behind and below you,
partially submerged in the water, and a third to your right and above
you.  Slice all three of these at the contact point to the pipes and
they'll drop off.  Swim across to the next ladder, and climb it.  At
the top, you'll do it again, although this time the three wires you
have to hit are further away.  One to your left, one's across the
center, and the third's above and to the right.  Once all three of those
wires are gone.  The water will rise up to its top height.  You'll have
an opening you can climb out.

Once through the opening, you'll notice a little guy with a tablet
(remember him from the beginning?)  Step on his tablet and he'll fling
you up.  Land on the upper platform, and grab the money there.  Phew...

---

Slam Dunk

All right.  You're on the top of the barn now.  Climb the ladder next to
you and scale to dizzying heights.  Be careful of the wasp patrolling
the ladder.  Timing is everything here.  Move past him just as he goes
past the ladder.  Keep climbing, dodging the wasps, until you reach the
top.  You'll notice a chocolate at the end of the board, and another in
thin air.  Jump out to the chocolate in thin air, and the "bulb" will
pop up.  Quickly hit B and you'll turn into an anvil, and super slam
all the way down to the bottom of the bucket.  Hitting the button at the
bottom of the bucket will open the grating down in the little stream
area.  Inside, you'll find a tail and some more money.  You should have
$500 at this point.

***********************************************************************

Windy, Part II

You'll be doing a lot more here, now.  This time around, you'll enter an
all-new part of Windy that could be seen as part of Barn Boys, what with
the cows...

---

Poo Cabin

Run back to Windy, then head to the cabin in the pooey area.  You'll see
a cutscene where you'll get an idea on the relative intelligence of the
Panther King and his lackeys...

Anyway, you'll enter the cabin, and Conker will speak to a dung beetle,
who'll tell him that he'll make him a ball of poo if he fills up the
hole beneath the nearby trapdoor with poo, using cows....

Folks, now I suggest you not continue if you've eaten in the last
hour or so... ~_^

So, hop onto the trapdoor and press B to anvil smash it.  You'll hear
the cry of money, but you can't do anything about it now, so just ignore
it.

Anyway, you'll be in a big cylindrical pit here...  (If you fall,
you'll return to the cabin)  Jump on the ropes and use them to climb
up to an opening in the wall with poo flowing out of it.  Run up the
slope and you'll soon come to an opening which will lead you to an
outside area.

---

Pruned

Actually, this "verse", if you will, is pretty short.  You'll meet up
with a bull here (you had to be a RED squirrel, didn't you?)  If you
enter his little arena, he'll try to charge you.  Avoid him for now,
and head off to the left where there's a shack structure labelled
"Prune Juice".

The climb to the top of the structure can get a bit dicey, because
there are balls of poo rolling down the slopes.  Just try to avoid them
the best you can scale the top to the faucet.  Run clockwise around the
spigot to open it, and dump prune juice into the trough below.

If you didn't know, prune juice is a good natural laxative...

So, a target just popped up, and there's a bull several feet from it.
Getting the picture yet?

---

Yee Haa!

All right.  Time to find out what this bull's good for...  First, get
him to chase you (not a hard thing to do).  If he's just about to ram
you and there's no way you can use that ram, just jump straight up into
the air, and he should miss you.

Anyway, stand in front of the target, and jump at the last second.  The
bull will smash into the target, and a door will pop open, revealing a
cow.  The cow will start muching on the grass.  She needs a little
help from you.

Here's where things get interesting.  Another target has appeared, but
this one's part of a wall.  Lead the bull here, and he'll get stuck,
monetarily.  Run up to him, and you'll hop on his back.  He's VERY
unwieldy:

Stick: Move around (it's rather tough to get him where you want to go,
though)
B: Charge (Don't miss, or he'll toss you and you'll lose health)

So, line yourself up in front of the cow and press B.  He'll charge into
her, and she'll walk over to the prune juice.  I think you can guess
what happens here... (Ugh...)

Anyway, you need more cows, so the first order of business is to move
this one out of the way.  Charge into her again, and she'll be moved
out of the way, rather messily...

Now, the whole thing will have to be repeated twice more with the
target hitting, the bull riding, and the hitting of cows.  The only
difference is that now the cows require more than one hit to get them
to the prune juice.  The second requires two, and the third requires
three.

Once you've splattered all three cows, you'll get tossed clear, and the
bull will be left standing on the grate, which, unfortunately, can't
support his weight...  Down he goes...

And down you should go after him...

---

Sewage Sucks

Hold your nose folks...  We're going for a swim...

Drop into the hole and you'll land in the "brown water".  Swim over to
the tail, then to the opening in the wall.  In this area, there'll be a
B Pad just onshore.  Hop onto it, and Conker will take his "Confidence
Pill".  He'll get rid of his cute, little floaties at this point, and
you'll be able to swim underwater:

B (in water): Dive
Stick (underwater): Steer
B (underwater): Swim

Note Conker's face as you dive underwater, as his cheeks get bigger, and
his eyes bulge, he'll have less and less air.  When he's reached maximum
bulgage, you'll start losing health.  Restore your air by going to the
surface, or finding air bubbles in certain places.

Anyway, return to the first area and swim down.  Find the opening, and
swim to the surface, where you'll be able to collect some money.  Dive
down again, and swim the remainder of the way back, into the cabin.
Exit the cabin, and it's time for some poo-rollin'...

---

Great Balls of Poo

Okay...  Using these balls of poo, you can open up two new areas.  In
this walkthrough, we'll open both of them up right now for simplicity
sake.

Okay.  Get behind the ball, and push it around.  Get the feel for how
pushing something is.  Run the ball up the slope to the right of the
cabin (if you're facing the door) and roll it up the side of Poo Hill.
Note the beetles along the way.  They won't actively attack you, but
will hurt you if you get too close, and they can also push your ball of
poo as they move.  Wait until they pop inside their little holes in the
wall, and keep moving.  Soon, you'll be above a really big dung beetle.
Conker will add a stick of TNT to the ball, and push it over the edge.
The dung beetle swallows it, and the rest is history.  Don't worry if
you fall through all this.  If you land on the hill, you'll land safely
(head-first) in the poo...

Now, take the next ball of poo, and roll it up the slope next to the
barricaded door.  Using the same methods of avoiding the beetles, roll
it all the way to the hole at the top.  You're too small to fit in the
hole, but the poo ball will roll down and burst out the barricaded door,
opening the way to the chapter "Sloprano".  You can go there now, or
just finish here.  While you're up here, High Jump to the top of the
mountain and pick up the cash there.

You can also take this time to pick up another wad of cash.  Head over
to the wasp's nest, and High Jump to the opening in the nest, on the
left, you'll reappear on the right side, and you can jump again to the
opening at the top.  Go in there, and you'll snag some more dough.

Take the third ball of poo, and roll it down past the ladder that leads
to the Feral Reserve Bank.  Note the sign that says "No Pooballs!"
Sounds like an invitation to me...  Roll it off the edge, and you'll
hit one of the armored guards down there.  Hop down next to him, and
you'll see a button.  Press B when you step on it, and you'll anvil
smash it, opening the plug, and the two armored guards swimming around
inside will be sucked down the vortex.  Now, the pool never drains, but
you have to stay clear of the vortex, or it'll cost you a life.  Now,
just swim through the door on the far end of the pool, and you'll enter
a new chapter...

***********************************************************************

E. Bats Tower

This area's rather varied.  It's a mix of water and fire.  You have to
be a fast runner, a fast swimmer, and have good aim (for more things
than one).

---

Mrs. Catfish

Enter the area and you'll be immediately greeted by several lady
catfish, who sound a lot like stuffy old British dowagers.  They'll
offer you some change if you help them with the problem of the Bullfish
near their safe at the end of the river.

Swim downstream, and under a waterfall, there's a small cave where you
can pick up some chocolate and a tail.  Swim further down near the safe,
and you'll see the Bullfish snapping from his chain.  Look below you,
and you'll see a hole at the bottom of the pool.  Swim into it, and
you'll be taken to a new area.

---

Barry's Mate

Remember Barry?  He's the bat you torched back in the barn.  His friends
are in this area to make your life miserable (or more enjoyable if you
have a thing for torching bats).

Anyway, swim to the surface of this area, and waltz over to the guys on
the wall.  The rather rude cog (or amicable, whatever side of his is on
top) will tell you to get his other cogs.  You'll do that in a moment,
but first, you need to open the gateway there.  To do that, step on the
nearby platform with ropes attached to ride up to the next level of the
tower.  There'll be a series of thin rafters (for balancing acts) and
climbing ropes on your way up the tower.  There's a bat for every
rafter, so remember to listen for the squeaks and fire up your torch
by pressing B.

Once you reach the top of the tower, you'll see a platform sticking out
towards the other side.  The lever's over there.  Before you go for it,
you may have heard the shouts of money nearby.  Hop onto the wall of the
tower, then float across from high stone to high stone clockwise around
the wall.  Do this to avoid the armored guards in the area.  Once you
snag the cash, fly clockwise to get back to your starting spot.  Drop
back down to the platform, then leap out and grab the lever.  A grate
way down back in the water will open.

---

Cogs' Revenge

Make your way down to the bottom of the tower, jump into the water, and
swim into the previously grated area.  Avoid the swimming armored guards
(they won't actively chase you) and swim to the surface, where you'll
find a female cog running around.  Whack it with your pan and grab it,
and return the same way to the mean cog.  Walk up the steps to put the
cog on the peg.  Parents...  This may be a good time to put the kids to
bed...

Anyway, head back in the water, and go back to the area where you found
the female cog.  You'll see a pipe leading into a new area.  This place
has two female cogs bouncing around.  They're not that easy to catch,
because they're faster than you and run when they see you.  Best way to
get them is to keep jumping and swing the pan as soon as you land next
to them.  It's tough, but not impossible.

Return the two cogs individually to their spots, and run clockwise on
the circular platform in the center.  You have to get up some good speed
to get going.  Once you've finished, the Bullfish's chain will be much
shorter, effectively removing the threat.  Also, the nasty cog will get
what he deserves, although the "charming" side of him rather enjoys
it...

---

The Combination

A relatively short stanza.  Head back out to the main area, and to where
the catfishes are waiting.  They'll ask you to lead them to the safe.
Note that as you speak, the two armored guards from the tunnel come out.
Now is the point where they'll actively give chase...  As they get
close, just hop into the air and hover further upstream to the safe.
Once you get there, the catfish in charge will open up the safe, and you
can just hop right in.

---

Blast Doors

Well, apparently this money doesn't want to live in your pocket.  He
hops out and steals down the shaft in the middle, and the doors slam
shut behind him.  Your mission now, should you choose to accept it, is
to open that hatch, using naught but your trusty slingshot.  How?
Simple.  On the far wall, opposite the B Pad, is a rotating wheel that
exposes letters as it rotates.  All you have to do is spell "OPEN" and
voila!

Hey!  I said it was simple!  I didn't say it was easy!

Honestly, getting the accuracy down on the slingshot is tough, and to
make matters worse, everytime you miss three times, or hit a wrong
letter, one of the armored guards nearby jumps up and rushes you.  You
have to wing him to knock him back so you can try again without taking
damage.

So, spell OPEN, and hop in.  On the B Pad down here, you'll whip on a
miner's helmet, and snap in a battery.  Good for seeing down there...

---

Clang's Lair

This area's not easy...  Largely, it's because Conker's not a fast
swimmer, so you'll spend a while getting mad at Conker for not getting
to air fast enough...

Anyway, you can think of this area has four big vertical pipes.  One is
in the center, and three are around it like a triangle.  Each of the
outer pipes is connected to the center one by two small pipes.

The pipes are guarded by guys called Clangs.  A Clang is basically a
submerged metal eyeball that bites you if you get close.  There's one
in the entrance pipe, one in each of the connecting pipes, and one in
the exit pipe.

Now, the purpose of the miner's helmet is to blind the Clangs.  It's not
all that necessary, nor is it terribly useful, though, and the battery
doesn't last long at all.

Okay, you're in the entrance pipe.  Make your way down, ducking into
side chambers with air bubbles if Clang gets close.  Heck, duck into
side chambers anyway to replenish your air.  If Conker starts turning
blue, you're in trouble.  Once at the bottom, watch the Clang patrolling
the connecting pipes (flashing green).  Follow the Clang into the one
he goes into, not the one he comes out of, to be safest.  You'll reach
the center pipe.  Swim up and grab some air.  You can also snap in a new
battery if you wish for your headlamp.

Dive back down and head to the blue flashing pipes, again watching for
the Clang.  Swim through, then surface as soon as possible, and grab the
lever in this area.  Swim back to the main pipe, then swim to the pipes
with yellow flashing lights.  You'll be in the exit pipe, which is
similar to the entrance pipe, in that there is a Clang patrolling it,
and there are side chambers with air all along the way.  Use those
air chambers, and surface.  In this new area, drop down the hole in the
floor.

---

Pisstastic

Sounds good from the title, eh?

When you enter this place, you'll find two Fire Imps stoned out of their
skulls.  They'll notice you, and notice that you're flammable.  That
could spell trouble.  If you get near the boiler (where they hide)
they'll pop out and attack you.

Since they're made of fire, you'll need some kind of water-like
substance to put it out, but you can't use the beer in the keg, 'cause
it's alcohol...  Wonder what you can use, hmm?

Aw, who'm I kidding?  You know it.  I know it.  You gotta pee on 'em.

Okay.  The way to do this is to head to the keg and press B to load up.
Conker will be a little tipsy after consuming so much, so he'll be a
little tougher to control.  Anyway, pick a spot that feels good to you
(I suggest near that first aid kit to the left of the keg area) and
press B to start the fun!

Stick: Aim
B: Unzip/Zip Up
Z: Extend Stream

I love the music when he lets loose.  Anyway, the stream's not that hard
to control.  Just hold Z the whole time and you'll have a nice big
stream to play with.  To put out a Fire Imp, you'll have to hit it with
a pretty constant stream.  There are four in play at once, and every
time you put out one, another appears.  You need to douse eight Fire
Imps before you can continue.

If, by the way, you run out of "juice", you'll be hungover (Conker will
stop every several seconds to let out a technicolor yawn) and you'll
have to make your way over to the first aid kit, where you'll pop some
Alka-Seltzer, and he'll be as good as new.

---

Brass Monkeys

Just when you thought this scene couldn't get more tasteless...

The Fire Imps will realize they can't beat you, so they hop in the
Boiler to let him take over.  They push a special button, and SPROING...

Brass balls...

Don't try to rationalize...  Just fight...

Well, the object here is to lure the Boiler into one of the four
corners.  Once he's there (under a drain), High Jump to the chain above
your head.  You'll dump a ton of poo on him, and he'll stagger back and
wobble back and forth, exposing his batch.  Run up to him and press B.

Now, I gotta give props to Rare for this.  They could have just stuck
with the frying pan.  No no no...  They have high standards...  Instead
of using the pan, Conker takes out two big bricks and slams them
together...  Ow...

So, all you have to do is do the same thing for each of the four
corners (lure to the drain, poo dump, brick smash).  Eventually, you'll
knock the balls off, putting the Boiler out of commission.  Go you!

So, there are still Fire Imps in the area, and you can't douse them,
just avoid them.  You have to push the brass balls around now.  One
has to go on a little depression near a door opposite the first aid
kit, and the other gets rolled down the slope that's behind the door to
take out the armored guard behind.

Finally, you're back in the safe.  Grab the cash and step outside.

---

Bullfish's Revenge

Yep...  You did all this for a measly ten bucks...

Anyway, naturally the Bullfish is a little irked about all this, and
he's starting to break his chain.  That's bad news.  Make a break for
it, and he'll snap the chain and give chase.  Lure him near the catfish
and he'll tear into them, buying you a few seconds to get moving.  Don't
swim here, just keep jumping in the water.  You'll move faster.

Anyway, swim to the dock, and you'll do a nice little Jaws-style finale,
which ends with the Bullfish slamming into the wall.  You can now hop
on him and into the alcove above to pick up your real reward for all
this: 300 smackers!

Now, it's time to return to Poo Mountain, and enter the formerly
barricaded door at it's base.  If it's still barricaded (we did this
earlier in the walkthrough), roll balls of poo up the side of Poo
Mountain; one up the slope to the right of the cabin, and the other up
the slope by the barricade.

***********************************************************************

F. Sloprano

For once, I think I'll let this chapter speak for itself.  Just try not
to be eating...

---

Corn Off the Cob

Try to imagine it as mud, 'kay?  Whatever's in that mess wants sweet
corn.  On the first circle path, you'll find a kernel, and periodically
a hand will pop up.  Don't be around when the hand is.  Smack the corn
with your pan, pick it up, and trot it over to the path sticking out
into the center of the chamber.  You'll toss it in.

If, at any time, you fall into the lower muck, you can make it out,
just keep jumping, and aiming for relatively solid land.

Proceed around the path.  You'll need to make a running jump to cross
the gap.  Watch out for shadows that appear on the path.  That's the
signal for globs to drop from the ceiling, which hurt.  At the next
circle path, there are two kernels.  Toss them in to the center one at
a time.  Proceed down the path, avoiding drops to the third circle
path, where there are three kernels.  Toss them in, avoiding the hand,
and prepare for the musical number.

---

Sweet Melody

Like the guy said, he's the Great Mightypoo.  What more is there to say?

Well, he'll be picking off pieces of himself to fling at you.  I haven't
quite figured out a pattern to it, yet.  He sometimes leads you (throws
it where you'll end up), and he sometimes throws at your exact spot.
Just do your best to avoid the tosses.  You can now use the B Pads
strewn about in the area.  Using one will pull out the solution to this
great mighty problem: toilet paper!  Press Z to throw...

The only time you can hit him, though, is when he opens his mouth to
sing a few notes...  This requires you to listen to the music a bit and
figure out when he'll come in.  If you watch him, he'll rock back and
forth to the music.  That means he's about to hit his notes.  That's
when you toss the Charmin in...

Just like your other battles, this is a lather, rinse, repeat.  Once you
hit him once with the paper, he'll cover up the B Pad you were using and
you'll have to move to the next location where you'll have to hit him
twice and you'll have a smaller window to toss the paper in.  Then to
the final B Pad where you have to hit him thrice, and you'll have an
even smaller window to toss.  Good luck to you...

---

U-Bend Blues

Once you've hit him with the last toilet paper roll, he'll hit a high
and complex note that'll shatter the glass on the wall between the
second and third circle paths.  Run your tail over there and yank the
chain.  Fluuuushh...  Oh, what a world...

Phew...  Snag the cash, and let's get out of this place.  Head to the
big hole in the center and out the exit at the bottom.  Don't fall out
the bottom.  You won't get hurt, but you'll end up in the Poo Cabin and
have to come back here and try to reach the doorway again.

You'll see a cutscene here, where poor Berri gets kidnapped by a rock
thing...  Shyeah, like she's had it half as bad as Conker has...

In this area, you'll have to do some more swimming, and, to complicate
matters, you've got three spinning blades to contend with.  The first
one's not that hard to get through, the second one's a bit of a
challenge, and the last is nuts.  You're gonna have to rely on some good
timing to get through here...

Once you make it through the fans, climb up and out, and you'll have
to make a bit of a dash around this vertical pipe, to avoid the small
blades poking out the sides.  Run for the ladder and climb up.

---

The Bluff

Now, you'll see across the path the weasel guards for the Panther King.
They'll need $1000 before they'll let you cross.  If you've followed
my walkthrough up to this point, you should have more than enough.  If
not, just go back and hunt through for it.  I'll have a Money List up
here eventually...

Okay, in this new, lava-filled area, you'll be standing in front of a
three-tiered stone structure.  Around the first and second tiers are
little red raptor guys running around.  Stepping in front of them will
ensure getting chomped on, so I suggest you avoid them.  You can jump
over them and odds are you'll be fine, though.

Make your way to the other side of the first tier of the structure, and
enter a little doorway inside that'll take you to the second tier.  Work
your way around the opposite side of that tier, and you'll end up on the
top tier, where you'll see, in addition to a wad of cash (grab it, duh),
you'll see an odd face-like statue.  Hop on top of the structure and
anvil smash it down three times to enter the next chapter.

***********************************************************************

G. Uga Buga

This chapter is the classic dino-themed world with cavemen, rock
monsters, and a weasel mob boss running the show.  Y'know, the kind of
dino-themed world in every game...

---

Drunken Gits

The aforementioned "gits" (pronounced "gits") are the rock monsters
lying around outside the Rock Solid club.  Getting within sight of them
will cause them to get all surly at you and try to pound you.  Don't
bother trying to get past the bouncer, yet.  Note the rock guy by the
entranced who's curled up unconscious...

First thing to do is pound on the statue one more time.  This will open
a passageway underneath it, effectively connecting caveman territory and
rock guy territory.  Run over to the unconscious rock monster and start
pushing.  Push him through the hole under the statue, further down the
slope and you'll have an opening to the inner area of Caveman Land...

Once you enter, Conker will ask for a music change (the lovable scamp),
and you'll enjoy a nice upbeat track as you search this place.

Okay.  Here's the basic layout.  You're on a slope in front of Big
Dino Idol Guy.  There's a platform in front of the idol.  That platform
is covered by a lid suspended by a rope.  Behind the platform is a B
Pad that allows you to pull out your slingshot.  On the wall to your
left and right are two big buttons that can be hit with your slingshot.
The one on the right raises the lid, the one on the left smashes it
down.  There are four cavemen worshipping in front of the idol.  If you
get close, they'll attack, but you'll be fine on the B Pad.

To the left and right of the Idol's neck on the back wall are doors.
The one on the right is the only one you can go through, so do so.

---

Sacrifice

This new area has a big and rather obvious egg in the center.  There's
also a rather obvious monk near it with a tablet.  Hop on his tablet
and catapult yourself to the top of the egg.  Press B on top of it, and
Conker will make like a Breegull and try to hatch it.

Congratulations, Conker.  You're a mom...

This little baby dino will follow you just about anywhere, but you have
to keep rather close, 'cause his eyesight's not that great.  If he gets
near a caveman, he'll eagerly chomp him up, so you've got that going for
ya...

Anyway, you can't go back the way you came in, so lead the dino around
the outside path (move slowly, it's pretty thin) and you'll reach
another door.  This is the door you couldn't enter from the first area.
Enter it, and sure enough, you'll be back in the Idol area.  Lead the
little guy to the center, hop on the B Pad, and pull out your slingshot.
Using the button on the wall to the right of the main entrance, raise
the lid on the platform.  Note the dino prints on the platform.  Once
your dino has filled sufficiently on the nearby cavemen, lead him onto
the platform and quickly run back to the B Pad (before more cavemen
appear and he wanders off to eat them).  Slingshot the button to the
left of the main entrance, and you'll make your sacrifice to the idol.

Poor little guy...

---

Phlegm

Sure.  You've opened the way to get inside, but you can't climb up the
slippery mucus-y tongue.  Of course, another monk has popped up to
provide you with a lift.  Hop on his tablet and take a ride to the top
of the idol (you'll probably take some damage in this fall).  First,
hop over the top of his head and pick up the tail and the money on his
neck.  Hop back over and get near his nostrils.  Wait for them to smoke
(it hurts) and hop onto one of his nostrils and press B to pull out your
trusty pepper shaker.  Do this for both nostrils and, if you ever
watched cartoons, you'll know what happens next.

After his tongue is cleared, climb up it.  Watch out for the uvula, and
run inside.  Run past the horizontally swinging uvula inside, then the
path splits.  To the left are two back-and-forth swinging uvulas.  To
the right are, simply, two minor jumps.  The right way's arguably the
safer way, but you'll eventually have to go the left way, so get some
practice if you feel you need it.

Run past the last uvula once the paths join, and Conker will pick up a
headdress that an unconscious caveman dropped.  Go back through the
idol's gullet and out his mouth.

---

Worship

The lovely disguise Conker is sporting will now make the cavemen see
him as their leader, or god, or whatever.  The four that were
worshipping the idol are now worshipping Conker.  They'll follow you
anywhere, even to Rock Solid.  They're not very bright, though, so
you'll have to stick close to them so they'll follow you all the way
up the slope without falling off.

Lead at least three up to the surface and head for the rock guys.  Hit
one with your frying pan, and your followers will run up and bash the
rock guy to bits with their clubs.  Keep doing this to bust up all the
rock monsters in the area, and speak to the bouncer of the club.  He'll
begrudgingly let you in.

---

Rock Solid

Nice music, eh?  If you've ever been clubbing, you know this is standard
fare.  Take a look around and you'll notice several rock folk on the
floor gettin' down.  You'll see a keg down below, Berri dancing in
a cage, a few cavemen at the b...

BERRI??

Huh...  There she is...

Well, the idea is to spring her from her prison, no matter how much it
looks like she's enjoying herself.  First, note the button right in
front of the entrance.  This opens up a door down under her cage, but
it requires constant pressure.  There's a rock guy passed out behind the
bar.  Roll him around the floor of the club, up the slope and onto the
button.  Now, that open door leads to the top balcony, where there are
two rock babes dancing, and another button.  This button opens up the
other two doors on the ground floor.  Once again, it needs constant
pressure, but how to get a rock through that door, so you can get it up
there?

The answer, as is the answer to most problems, is your bodily fluids...

Head over to the keg and load yourself up.  Waddle over to the rock guy
nearest the center door, line yourself up so that he's between you and
the door, and let 'er rip.  Be sure to make use of the Z button to
extend your stream.  You need to push him into the hole, and it may
take a couple of tries before you get it right, so don't get discouraged
if you screw up once or twice.  All it'll cost you is one health piece
when the guy gets back up and pounds you if you mess up.

So, once he's through (and you're sobered up, using the first aid kit
in the middle of the room on the little plateau), hop up to the balcony
using the platforms near the left door (don't go through the center
door, unless you feel like losing health), and push the rock guy along
the balcony.  Watch out for the rock girls dancing up here.  They'll
push the rock guy back to the ground given half a chance (and you'll
have to do it all over again).  Wait until they're making their way back
into their little alcoves, then push as hard as possible.  Push him
onto the button, and the other two doors will open.

Tank up once again and push the other rock guys through their respective
doors the same way (By the way, you can't push the girls, they'll just
shriek and duck).  They'll each land on top of Berri's cage, and the
second one will smash the cage open.  Berri will take off (she doesn't
recognize you) and you can enter where her cage was and pick up the
wad of dough there.  Try to leave, but the bouncer will stop you and
take you to see the Boss...

---

Bomb Run

The Boss (basically a weasel mafia-type guy), will give youse a little
job.  You have to take a bomb into the cavemen's place and drop it in
the place where you found the dino egg.

This is kinda tough, because you have just about enough time to get the
bomb to the place where it needs to be dropped, so you'll need to book,
and it'll probably take you more than one try.

So, run as fast as your little legs will carry you down to the temple.
Run down most of the slope, but drop off when the drop is about one and
a half the height of Conker, so you don't get hurt, which will set off
the bomb.  Head straight for the tongue of the idol and run inside its
throat the moment you've got an opening in the uvula.

Inside the throat, you'll have to take the left path, since you can't
jump with the bomb.  Move as soon as you get openings and run your tail
off all the way to the end.  Once you're out, move all the way to the
far edge of the platform, and you'll drop the bomb.

The aftermath of the explosion basically filled the whole place up with
lava.  Hop along the rather obvious path of stones and exit by the
rather obvious door at the end.

---

Mugged

Exiting to fresh air, Conker will meet up with some rough-looking cave
guys who'll immediately bonk him and swipe his money.  When he comes
to, he'll see the four baddies with his money on their hoverboards.
During the taunting, one falls off his board, so the remaining three
challenge Conker to a race to get his money back.

Run up the path to the opening and you'll appear in an alcove above the
board.  Hop on:

Stick Up: Speed up
Stick Down: Slow down
Stick Left/Right: Turn
A: Jump
B: Frying Pan

This is probably the first place you'll lose a lot of lives, and you'll
probably get some Game Overs, too.  The biggest pain you'll find here
is the brontosaur that walks back and forth at a couple of points along
the track.  He'll turn you into hamburger in no time if you run into
him at full speed.  Minor bumps will only cost you one chocolate bar,
but major crashes will blow you to pieces.  Take care when riding, and
don't hesitate to hit the brakes if it means you'll live for a while
longer.

So, the basic idea of this race is to catch up with the cavemen and whap
'em with the pan.  You'll get a portion of your money back each time.
Knock all three out and a gate near the entrance will open up, and
you'll need to make a flying leap from a stone jump into the cave,
grabbing the wad of cash along the way.

Note that after you knock out the first two guys, the map will change
slightly.  The gate early on has moved, and now you have to bear right
when you reach the gate.  Just a heads up.

---

Raptor Food

You'll lose control of the board, crash into the side of a platform, and
tumble headlong into an arena, where you'll see a huge crowd in the
stands, and a couple of huge people at the head chairs: Buga the Knut
and his girlfriend, Jugga.  Yep...

Anyway, head towards the drawbridge to start the party.

Buga will send out "Fangy" to deal with you.  Fangy has a taste for
just about anything that wanders into his path.  Several cavemen will
also be released into the area.

You have one of two options here, and the second is far more useful.

The first option is to lead Fangy around towards the cavemen and he'll
gobble them up when he catches sight of them.  This is risky, because,
if Fangy gets you, you'll lose two chocolate bars, one in the bite, the
second in the throw.

The second, and far better, option, is to go towards the B Pad in the
middle of the arena, and press B when Fangy's close.  You'll pull out
your watch, and hypnotize the guy, and climb on for some caveman-
munching fun:

Stick: Move
A: Jump
B: Bite (Swallow if something's in his mouth)
Z: Headbutt
B while running: Dashing Headbutt

Run around with Fangy to get a feel for his movement.  Run into any
caveman, and he'll automatically pick it up in his mouth, where you can
press B to swallow him.

Eat up all the cavemen in the area, and Buga will call in the infantry.
Specifically, six guys with clubs.  If the guys with clubs hit you
while you're on Fangy, you'll be knocked off, and you'll have to do the
hypnosis thing again.  (This time it won't be automatic, so stop when
you hear the *boing* and Fangy lowers his head)

The way to beat these guys is to run into a caveman to pick him up, then
run away from the pack.  When you're a good distance, then you can
swallow him.  If you stay in the pack to swallow, you'll be hit.

Eat all the infantry guys, and Buga will send out the next wave.  These
guys have throwing spears.  Attack them in the same way.  Just be
mindful of flying spears

Once you finish off the spear-throwers, you'll fight a combined wave of
three clubbers and three spear-throwers.  Gobble them up, and Buga
himself will challenge you.

---

Buga the Knut

Buga's pretty big, so unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your
point of view), you'll only be able to attack him in two places: his
crotch, and his rear.

When he jumps, be prepared to jump yourself, as he'll send out a
shockwave.  When he rears back his bone, he'll bring it down on your
head.  If any of these attacks hit you, you'll be knocked from Fangy.
Fortunately, Fangy has recognized you as his friend now, and he'll
automatically run to you so you can hop back on.

So, just as Buga rears up his bone, or after he jumps, bite him in the
crotch.  His loincloth will drop and he'll cover himself.  This is the
time to run around the back.  A lightbulb will pop up.  Press B, and
Fangy will take a nice big hunk out of his keister.  After which, Buga
will pull his cloth up and you can do it again.  Bite him in the butt
three times, and you'll win, and Buga's horrible secret will be exposed.

After Buga takes off and you lose Fangy, hop into the opening that the
soldiers came out of.  You'll speak to Jugga, and you'll be able to
leave.  Chase after the cash that runs off.

In the next room, you'll be above the very first temple that got you
entry to this whole mess.  Move on to the next area.

Now, you're in the area with the two guard weasels.  Note the tail
across the way.  Hop up on the left side of the gate you just exited
from and make your way across the platforms over there.  It's a
five-tail!  A fitting reward for making you go a bit out of your way.

Anyway, proceed along the ledge you're on, and hop off when you reach
the end.  You'll land in the sewage river that has the spinning blades.
Hop out of the muck and leave and you'll be back in the Great
Mightypoo's lair.  Hop down into the hole and you'll be back in Poo
Cabin.

***********************************************************************

H. Windy III

Conker's bad day is almost half over at this point.  These are the last
tasks you'll have to perform in Windy.

---

Wasps' Revenge

As soon as you exit Poo Cabin, you'll notice the wasps carrying off the
hive again.  Talk to Mrs. Bee, and Conker will haggle over the price of
getting back the hive this time.  Make your way into the wasps' nest.

Once you reach the hive, you'll hop in.  Time for some wasp whackin':

Stick: Aim
A: Jump in or out of Turret
B: Manually Reload
Z: Fire
Up C/Down C: Zoom in and out

The machine gun has about sixty or seventy rounds per belt, so don't
worry too much about having to reload.

Note that you have a radar here.  Use it.  The blue dots are wasps and
the top highlighted quadrant of the circle is the way you're facing.
When a blue dot turns red, that means a wasp is getting ready to
attack you.  Turn as quickly as you can and nail him, or you'll get
hurt.

A wave will come out of each of the three sets of holes around the nest,
then you'll get a combined wave out of all three.  Shoot them all down,
and Mrs. Bee will tell you to move your tail.  Jump out and grab the
hive.  Your old friends, the three wasps, will come out at this point
and try to sting you again.  Same strategy as oh so long ago: Run, avoid
the sticky honey part, and don't stop for anything.

Once you drop the hive, Mrs. Bee will reward you with $400.  Nice...

---

Mr. Barrel

Now, it's finally time to scale the hill leading to the windmill.  All
along the way, you'll run into these nasty worm-types.  Jump over them
as they pop out and you won't be hurt.  Just take it slow and you'll be
fine.

Once you reach the top, Mr. Barrel will ask for money, but he won't say
how much.  Being the nice guy I am, I'll tell you that you need at least
$2110.  If you have all the money up to this point, you should have
$2210.  Once you have enough, he'll offer you a ride.  Hop on, and use
the Control Stick to steer your way down the hill.  Be careful, it's
not easy.  Once you reach the bottom of the hill, Mr. Barrel will crash
through the blocked passage at the end of the stream, and you'll be
knocked out, to awaken when it's dark out.  Time for some nighttime
action.

***********************************************************************

I. Spooky

Time for the game to stop playing around with you.  This is where it
gets tough, not to mention pretty darn scary.  My compliments to Rare
on their excellent job on the scare factor, here...

---

Mr. Death

Your return to the stream will be blocked off as you enter here.  Oh
well...  Proceed down the stream and you'll reach a lake.  To your far
left is the exit out of this whole place.  Naturally, you won't be
able to reach it yet...  Across from you is Gregg, swatting at the
catfish in the water. (He hates cats...)  Up the dock path, you'll find
a closed door.  Downstream to the right is a passageway.  Enter it, and
you'll see a lever.  Jump on the lever, and you'll open the big closed
door.  Swim back to Gregg, and he'll tell you about the undead up
there. (He hates undead, too...)  He'll give you a Shotgun and tell you
you need to shoot them in the head to kill them.

B: Take out/Put away the Shotgun
A: No function (You can't jump while it's out)
Z: Fire
R: Aiming Mode
C Buttons: Strafe

(Hold Z while in aiming mode and you'll get a laser sight.  Release Z
to fire.)

Right, now that you're armed, those zombies don't stand a chance.  Enter
the graveyard, and you'll quickly be set upon by zombies.  They move
pretty fast when they want to, so quickly try to hop onto one of the
tombstones.  From there, it's easy to snipe at them with the shotgun.

Move through the graveyard slowly, and hop onto a stone when zombies
appear.  Once twelve have been re-killed, Gregg will pop up and open the
door at the end of the graveyard for you.  Make a beeline to the door,
ignoring the remainder of the zombies and you can make your way to the
next area.

This area is a curving thin path up to the mansion on the hill.  Along
this path are bony worms, much like the worms back and Windy when you
tried to get to the barrel.  Just like with the worms before, take it
slow, and jump over them so they'll miss you.  Once you reach the top
of the hill, you can enter the mansion.  Yippee...

---

Count Batula

Okay, the chapter is Count Batula, but the tomb out in the garden says
Count Conkula.  Oh, well...  I'll just call him the Count...

The Count, doing the best Gary Oldman impersonation ever, welcomes you
to his mansion and gives you some food.  Long story short, he's a
vampire and bites Conker, but he needs your help.  Villagers have
assaulted the mansion and you need to help the Count get rid of them.

Oddly enough, you've been turned into a bat, and you'll need to use your
bat powers to help your ancestor:

Stick: Crawl on the ground/Aim your flight path
A: Flap upwards
B: Flap forwards
Z: Drop guano

Controlling Conker in the air is much like flying anywhere else.  Back
pulls you up.  Forward makes you dive.

Here's the layout of the mansion.  You start in the grinding room.  The
main hall is in front of you.  The dining room is to the left of you.
The library is to the right of you.  The garden is behind you.  There
are doors connecting most every room to one another, but not all are in
a good state, but, since you're in the air, you'll be fine for now.

There are three villagers in the main hall, three in the library, and
two in the garden.  You know you're getting close when your sonar
flashes.  The villager you're closest to will flash red, and you can
press Z to release your guano.  A direct hit will knock the villager
out, and you can dive down and pick him up.  Naturally, flying will
be somewhat hindered while carrying a villager, so be careful, because
the villagers will attack with flying stakes, and they hurt.

Carry a villager back to the grinding room and you'll drop it in.  The
Count will fill up with the blood produced.  Keep grabbing villagers in
the same way, and the Count will continue to fill up.  After seven
villagers, the Count will get so heavy that the rope he's hanging from
will break, and he'll drop into the grinders himself...  Dang...

---

Zombies

Well.  The good news is, you're not a bat, and the villagers are not a
threat.  The bad news is, you're locked in here, and zombies have taken
the place over.

Want more bad news?  There are three separate keys to open the lock to
get out of here.  Still more?  There's a very limited supply of
chocolate.

All right.  Don't panic.  Best strategy for survival is to clean out the
zombies in an area before you grab the key, because while you hold a
key, you're slower, you can't jump, and you can't defend yourself.
Also, if you get hit or fall from a height, you'll drop the key and have
to start all over again.  One thing that's kind of a pain is that there
will almost always be at least one zombie that will respawn when you
return to an area with a key, so dodging them will have to be a skill
you develop early on.

Key 1:

Okay, the first key you need is in the dining room, in the rafters.  To
get to it, you need to start at the main hall, face the stairs.  Proceed
along the hallway that leads to the library, eliminating zombies along
the way.  The library has three zombies in it.  Once you clean them out,
climb up the stairs surrounding the bookcases, and jump on the middle
case.  Stand on the B Pad in the middle, press B, and you'll pull out a
crossbow:

Stick: Aim
B: Put away crossbow
Hold Z: Laser sight
Release Z: Fire

When you pull out the bow, there will be four bats that will attack you.
You need to kill them before you get the key, otherwise they'll make
life miserable for you.  There's a bat in each of the four corners, and
they'll swoop on you one at a time.  Shoot them as they flap around.
You can even shoot as they hang from their perches.  Once you drop all
four, proceed along the stairs, and you'll reach the grinding room at
the top.  Move around the broken floor around the edge of the room, and
you'll end up outside the dining room.  Plug the two zombies up here,
then proceed along the rafters.  Hit the B Pad, and crossbow the three
bats at the far end of the room.  Move to the end of the rafters and
grab the key.  Retrace your steps (Dining room, Grinding room, Library,
Main Hall) without falling or getting hit, and you'll put the key in the
door.

Key 2:

The second key is in the garden.  You could reach it before, but you
couldn't get it out, because of the hole leading out of the garden.
The good news?  That hole's now filled.  The bad news?  There were no
zombies in this area before, but surprise surprise, the path's full of
them now...

From the main hall, make your way to the path to the dining room,
shooting all the zombies.  The dining room has quite a few zombies, so
hop on the table to deal with them.  Once the place is clean, proceed
into the garden, keeping an eye out for the undead buggers.  Clean out
the garden, using the hedges as a perch if you feel so inclined, and
grab the second key.  Run back through the dining room to the main hall
and put the key in the door.

Key 3:

The third key is on the third floor of the grinding room.  A ladder
just appeared that can lead you from the second floor of the grinding
room up there.  Climb up the main hall's stairs, and enter the door on
the right.  Hop over to the ladder, and climb up.  You'll find three
life-saving chocolate bars up here, and if you look back in the
direction of the main hall, you'll see a lever up here.  Float across
the broken floor over there and grab it.  A secret passage will open,
with one end across the room near the key, and the other in the main
hall under the right side of the stairs.

Now, you can hover over to the key now, and make a break for it, but
the safer option is to go back to the main hall, clean it out, and use
the secret passage to proceed to the third floor.  Walk over to the key,
make your way back to the secret passage, and put it in the door, and
you're free!  Wasn't that easy?

---

Mr. Barrel (Revisited)

Conker will notice the bony worms again, and he'll also notice Mr.
Barrel's sitting next to the stairs (bet you were dyin' to use him).
Run over to him and roll out of the house and down the path, as
carefully as possible.  You'll pick up a lot of speed going down the
hill, so you'll have your work cut out for you.  Roll the barrel all
the way down the path, through the graveyard, down the dock, and out
into the lake.  Roll upstream towards the passage that you couldn't
reach because the current's too fast, and you'll make it this time.
Once you enter the passage, you'll be back in the Hungover area, and
you'll FINALLY be able to grab that last stack of cash.  Make your way
out of Hungover and back to Windy.

***********************************************************************

J. It's War

The hardest, and longest, chapter in the game.  This chapter tests your
mettle in the furnace heat of battle.  The good news is that Conker
finally gets decently armed.

---

It's War

The titular section for the chapter starts when you re-enter Windy, and
you get the old '40s newsreel about the war going on.  Since Conker
doesn't have anything better to do, he might as well sign on.  Head in
the direction of "Nasty" and you'll see a door with barbed wire in front
of it.  Finally, that door is open.  Hop over the barbed wire and enter.

---

Power's Off

The sergeant will try to explain to you the situation.  Basically, your
objective is to clear the way since a bomber plane just crashed into
the only way out of the harbor.  Hop down to the beach, and he'll
mention an electric eel down in the water.  Your objective is to lure
the eel through those hoops half-buried in the harbor bottom.  You only
need to lead him through the three hoops that are connected by wires
to the harbor.  Swim down and through the hoops, and the eel should
follow you.  Get him through all three, and the power will be restored,
and a B Pad will appear.

---

TNT

Hop out of the water and check out the ramp and the sign that says
"TNT".  At the top of the ramp, there's a men's room.  Press B to knock
on the door and a purple guy with a big TNT barrel strapped to his back
will wander out.  You need to push him to get him going.

Only problem is, if you push him down the ramp, he'll slide too far and
crash down into the harbor.  To prevent that, go to the bottom of the
ramp and note the steel box that's sitting in a groove.  Push the box
along the groove until it's between the ramp and the stairs to the
harbor.  Now, when you slide TNT Guy down the ramp, he'll stop there.

NOTE: If, by ill chance, you lose a TNT Guy in some manner, just go
back to the bathroom, and there'll be another one.

Okay, you need to bring a TNT Guy to each side of the bomber that's
crashed in the harbor exit.  You need to take him around the outer edge
to get there, and both ways are disaster areas, naturally...  You can
go either way, but, for the sake of argument, we'll assume that you go,
oh, say... left, if you're facing the harbor exit.  This way has
bouncing ammo boxes.

Get behind TNT Guy and push him close to the bouncing boxes.  Line
yourself up with the box that's bouncing away from you, and follow it
as it bounces, trying your best not to touch it.  Once you get past
that, you'll have to get past a crushing steel box.  Simply push him
past as the box rises.  Then, you have to deal with two more bouncing
boxes, and another crushing steel box, and you can deposit the TNT Guy
next to the plane.  Run back and step on the B Pad in the middle of the
harbor.  You'll pull out your slingshot, and you can try to hit him
with some kind of hot pellet thing to light the barrel.  Once it
explodes, half the plane is gone.

Go back to the bathroom, knock on the door, and grab another TNT Guy.
This time, lead him to the right side of the harbor, that looks rather
clear.  The problem with this side of the harbor, is that there are
mines that are hidden in the ground.  They surface when you draw near,
and when you touch them, they explode.  They don't move on their own,
though, so don't worry about them chasing you.

There is a pattern to where they are hidden.  They can be in one of two
places vertically.  They can be "up", which means closer to the harbor
wall, or they can be "down", which means closer to the water.  The
pattern is as follows: down, down, space, then up, up, down, space,
then down, up, down.  It's best to go through without the TNT barrel
first and get a feel for where the mines are hiding.  Once you've
pushed the TNT Guy through and left him next to the plane, run back to
the B Pad and set him off as you did the first one.  The plane will be
gone, and you can proceed to the troop transport down by the water,
where the Sarge is waiting.

---

The Assault

And the award for 2nd Best Movie Parody in a Video Game goes to...

If you can't tell the movie this scene is parodizing, you're too young
to play this game, shame on you...

Well, long story short, you're on a beach, and all hell has broken
loose.  Your mission is to stay alive.  In the murder holes above, the
Tediz are raining hot lead down upon you, and they're pretty accurate
with their shots.  To stay alive you'll have to jump from barrier to
barrier (those metal X-type things in the sand).  Once you reach a
barrier, just stay there until the hail of lead subsides, then make a
break as fast as possible for the next barrier, ignoring shots whizzing
around you (and puncturing holes in the camera lens ^_^).  Just make
your way from cover to cover as you head for the wall of the complex.

---

Sole Survivor

Will wonders never cease, you were the only one to make the run.  Your
fellow soldier here will explain the situation, before getting pegged,
himself.  It's up to you, soldier.  Press B and you'll pull out your
cigar, and your weapons:

Two 30-round, fully automatic, quick reload, 9mm machine pistols:

Stick: Move (slower than normal)
B: Take out/Put away guns
A: Manually reload
R: Aiming Mode (Stick Aims)
Z: Fire
C Buttons: Strafe

As with Spooky and the shotgun, there'll be times where you'll have to
put away your guns to be able to jump and move faster.  I suppose it
goes without saying that you have unlimited ammo, but be careful to
reload after every fight.

Shoot the lock on the door, grab any chocolate in the area, because
you'll need all the health you can get.

Okay, inside the corridors, there are a few tips to keep you alive:

1. Assume Tediz are hiding everywhere: behind every crate, around every
corner, above every hatch in the ceiling, because they probably are.
2. After every shootout, always reload.  Nothing worse than being
caught with empty guns.
3. Go for head shots.  Kills come quicker that way.
4. There are times when you'll have to put away your guns to jump over
laser trip-mines.  Do so, but as soon as your in the clear, pull out the
guns again, because the bad guys have a nasty habit of ambushing you as
soon clear trip-mines.

Once again, kudos to Rare on the music here.  Very suspenseful, with
orchestra hits whenever Tediz rush you.

Honestly, I could give you a diagram of this place and you probably
would do no better than if I just gave you the preceding tips and said
"Good luck".  It's that tough.  Because I'm a nice guy, though, here's
what you can expect inside the corridors.

First Room: There are four Tediz here.  One will hop up onto a box, one
will charge you, and the other two will try to flank you to the left
and right.  Shoot them all, starting with the one on the box.  Once
they're gone, the door will open.

First Corridor: Crawl under the first set of lasers.  Move slowly and
walk under the diagonal lasers.  Don't let the pipe scare you.  Make
a left turn, and you'll see a small box to your left and a couple of
boxes to your right further on.  A Tediz will run out from behind the
first box when you get close, and two will run out from behind the
stack.  Once you get close to the corner, another will run out.

Make a right turn, and get close to the lasers, still keeping your guns
out, because a Tediz will jump out on the box behind the lasers.  Jump
in the air, then hover for a couple of seconds.  Once you're under the
top laser, float through.  Immediately whip out your guns, because four
Tediz will rush you soon after you land.  Keep moving, and watch the
ceiling hatches.  When you get close to the first one, two Tediz will
tumble out of it.  Walk under the diagonal laser, and watch the box for
a Tediz to jump on it.  Two more will pop out of the hatch at the end
of this part.

Make a gradual left turn, and another two will drop from a hatch, and
a third will come from behind the nearby box.  Once they're gone, you'll
make your way to the elevator, barely avoiding a bunch of nasty mines.

Second Corridor: Once you exit the elevator, hop over the first two
lasers, then pull out your guns, because a Tediz will drop from a hatch
and another will come from behind the box.  Cross the last laser and
two more will dash from around the corner.

Make a right turn, and you'll notice a little guy that looks like the
TNT Guy, only he's got a flamethrower.  He sprays a constant stream of
flame at the wall opposite him, and he can't be harmed, so you can just
walk past him when he stops.  You have enough time to walk past with
the guns out, so keep them out, to be on the safe side.

Once you pass the Flame Guy, one Tediz will hop up on a box, and another
will charge you from behind it.  Pass two more Flame Guys and you'll
have four Tediz rushing at you from around the corner.

Make a left turn, then deal with the Tediz that comes out of the ceiling
hatch.  Walk past the vertical lasers (you have room), and take care of
the Tediz that drops from the next hatch.  After that, one charges from
behind the box, and the next one hops on the box.

Make a left turn.  In this part of the corridor, there are almost no
Tediz, but there are three Flame Guys and some lasers on the floor.
Make your way past all these, and take your guns out before you reach
the corner.  Five Tediz will charge around the corner one after the
other, so fill the corner with a constant stream of lead at head height
to get them all.

Make a right turn.  A Tediz will pop out of the ceiling hatch, and
one will pop out of the next hatch, as well...  When you reach the
lasers, jump carefully over the first low ones, then walk past the high
one, and you're done!

---

Casualty Dept.

You'll enter what seems to be one those "demented doctor" places you
see in some movies, or whatnot.  Two Tediz will be hear, casually
discussing the game, then they'll notice you and get back into
character, chattering as Tediz do.

I think the best strategy for this area is to just stay put and fire as
you get an opening.  The Tediz doctors will attack you three at a time,
and you'll fight nine in the area.  They dash and duck around the place,
behind the tables and boxes, and they'll throw knives, but not very
accurately...

Take out all the Tediz and walk up to the squirrel in the electric
chair.  He'll ask you to let him out.  Pull either of the two levers,
they both do the same thing, then pull the other one to open the door
to the next area.

The good news?  There's only one Tediz in this next room.  The bad news?
He's strapped behind a heavy caliber turret gun.  Dash behind the boxes
and wait until he stops to reload.  When he does so, dash to the next
set of boxes.  Keep doing this until you can get right next to him.  He
can't hit you if you're right next to him.  Note the rope nearby.  On
the next reload, dash for the pipe next to the rope for cover from the
next hail of lead, then scale the rope as fast as possible for the hail
of lead after that.  Run along the top of the crates and you'll end up
at a B Pad.  Face the gunman, and press B to pull out a lovely bazooka:

B: Put away
R: Aiming Mode (Stick aims)
Z: Fire

Make sure the Tediz isn't just starting a new hail of bullets, or you'll
get hit.  If you can hit him before he finishes his current clip, you'll
be fine.

Jump down and hop into the seat of the turret gun.  You'll now have to
fend off a bunch of Tediz that are pouring in from both doors in the
area.  The first eight or so come from the door on the right.  The next
wave comes from the door on the left.  After that, you'll get a combined
wave between the two doors.  It's tough, and you'll probably get hit at
least once.  Good luck.

Once you finish, you'll see a door open.  Jump out of the gun and head
for that open door.  In this room, look at that blueprint on the wall...
Looks pretty funky, doesn't it?  Head down the ramp to the right of the
diagram, and you'll head outside.

---

Saving Private Rodent

You'll be outside here.  You'll witness a firing squad about to execute
a squirrel.  They'll shoot, but he won't be hurt.  You have to help him,
of course.  You have the luxury of the first shot, so line them up so
you can hit more than one at once, because these guys are pretty smart,
and they have grenades.

Once you shoot them up, you'll talk to Rodent, who has a suit on that's
pretty much everything-proof.  He'll act as your shield for the next
area.  Sounds good to me...

So, proceed along this big trench area, and Conker will notice bombers
starting the air attack.  Move slowly along the trench, as bombs will
drop on certain areas as you get close.  After the first bomb drops,
Rodent will tell you to get behind him.  Do so, because a mine is
charging at you.  It'll explode when it touches Rodent, but you'll both
be fine.  Continue along.  More mines will attack after the third and
fifth bombs, so be sharp.

Once you reach the end of the trench, you'll come upon a huge door.  To
open it, first hop over to the raft floating in the river with the B
Pad on it.  You'll pull out your bazooka.  Fire at the four lights
surrounding the lock on the door.  Don't worry about getting hurt, or
shooting the Tediz who parachute in all over the place.  If you shoot
all four lights and die afterwards, when you come back, the door will
still be open.  Just get all four lights before you die...

Anyway, rush through the door, ignoring the Tediz...

---

Chemical Warfare

You'll enter a small area with a brand new Class 22 tank sitting gassed
up and ready to go.  You're not going on a big ride just yet.  You need
to open that massive door on the far wall, first.  To do that, hop in
the tank:

Stick Up/Down: Forward/Back
Stick Left/Right: Pivot Left/Right
A: Get out
Z: Fire
Left C and Right C: Rotate Turret independently of the tank
R: Aiming Mode (Stick aims)
Up C and Down C: Zoom in and out in Aiming Mode

It's a little unwieldy at first.  Drive around a bit to get the feel for
it.  Aim the turret at the small door with the radiation symbol on it
and blast it open.  Hop out and run inside.

In this small corridor, run until you see a pit of waste.  Jump over it,
then immediately jump back, because a mine on the other side will run at
you.  It'll explode when it hits the waste.  There are two more pits
after this, and a mine for each of them.  Once you deal with all of
them, pull the lever at the end.  The place will start to fill with
waste, so hightail it out of there.  It's kinda tricky, because you
won't be able to rotate the camera to see what's ahead of you.  Move
your tail to the door, and head back outside.

---

The Tower

Now, you get an extended ride in the tank, but you've got a problem in
the form of a nasty turret gun in a tower at the next area.  To dethrone
the gun, you need to blast the four supports on the tower with the tank.
There are several bridges that you'll need to lower to allow the tank to
access the areas from where you can blast the support, but you have two
problems.  If the gun catches sight of you and you're not in the tank,
you'll be shot to pieces.  The other problem is that there are several
Tediz hiding in the sand in this area.

First, start by lowering the first bridge right away, by standing on the
high end of it (out of the tank) and pressing B to anvil drop it.  Hop
back in the tank and roll over the Tediz nearby.  Wait until the gun
passes, then lower the next bridge, hop in the tank, run over the Tediz.
Do this all the way around the tower.  Once you've opened up all access
and killed all the Tediz, shoot out each of the supports with the Tank.
Once all four are gone, the tower will collapse and create a big hole in
the middle of the area.  Get out of the tank and hop into that hole.

---

Little Girl

You'll drop into an underground lake area.  You'll be on an entrance
platform, and the main platform will be surrounded by three piers with
B Pads on them.  Each of these piers also has a small covered area with
a chocolate piece.  Go towards the center of the area and you'll find a
little girl.  She'll warn you about ballistic missiles on the way.
These are coming from subs in the water, and you'll have to take them
out.  The ballistic missiles are dumb, fortunately, and fire at exactly
the spot you're standing when you hear them launch, so they're easily
avoided.

Head towards the pier to the right of the entrance platform (if you're
facing it from the center) and wait for the missile to launch, then
move towards the B Pad, and you'll pull out your bazooka.  Aim for the
sub in the water and fire.  If the sub fires before you can blow it,
move out of the way and let the missile land, then go back and try
again.  You have to destroy three subs at this pier, and they each come
out one at a time.

Alternatively, you can try to shoot down the missiles.  It's your call.
If you miss the missile, you're probably going to get hit, so that's the
risk you take.

Once the three are destroyed, head clockwise to the next pier.  There
are two subs firing at a time here, so wait for both to fire before you
step on the B Pad.  You have to destroy a total of five subs from this
pier.

Once they're all gone, go to the last pier, where, again, two subs fire
at once, and you have to destroy eight subs this time.  Once they're
all gone, head back to talk to the girl.

---

The Experiment

As you talk to the girl, Rodent will drop in with the tank.  At this
point, the girl will perform an Exorcist routine (complete with line)
and Conker will get a little wary.  The hatch she's sitting in will
open completely, and the Tediz experiment will come out.  It's basically
a robotic spidery lower body and legs, with a huge Tediz upper body and
head, with the little girl puppet on the thing's hand.

First thing to do is to make a beeline for the tank and hop in before
the Experiment can catch up to you.  Once you're inside, head
immediately for the nearest shelter (those rock formations with
chocolate under them) and swivel your turret to face the Experiment,
keeping your treads horizontal to it so you can move horizontally.

The Experiment will pull out its miniguns.  (I love the descriptions)
These high-rate weapons will fire in long bursts, with short pauses to
reload.  During those short pauses, slide the tank out and fire (without
aiming) in the general direction of the Experiment, hoping to hit one
of its guns.  Shoot them both off, and the Experiment will charge you.

At this point, get into Aiming Mode and shoot the little girl puppet of
the Experiment's hand.  The main body will chase after its brain, and
the very obvious hatch on its back will open.  As if I needed to tell
you, fire a shell into the beast's back, then get back under shelter.

Now, for the second round of weapons.  The Experiment will pull out its
Magneto Laser.  This doesn't let up, but it aims very slowly, so if you
have it aiming towards one side of your shelter, you can slide out the
other side and peg one of the guns.  Knock them both off, then shoot the
puppet, then the back once more.

For the final piece of weaponry, it'll deploy fur-seeking missile
launchers.  These are four missiles to each launcher, so count the
missiles as they fly out at you.  After four leave each launcher, slide
out and fire.  Wait for another volley, then slide out and fire again.
Once the launchers are gone, shoot the puppet, shoot the back, and
you're done.

The Experiment, in its defeat, will release mines to destroy the Tank.
Conker will make it out in time, but it looks bad for Rodent...

---

Countdown

That scamp, she rigged this place for self-destruct.  Hop into the hole
and you'll be back in the first corridor from back in Sole Survivor.
This time, however, the place is covered with lasers...  Good luck.  You
have 4 minutes and 30 seconds to get all the way out of here...

First Lasers:  Coast over the first two low lasers, but be careful not
to hit the high one.  Jump over the last low one.  On the diagonals,
jump up onto the box, and float over the first four, then walk under the
last one.  Alternatively, you can just crawl under the diagonal lasers.

Second Lasers: Simply jump into the air and float between the second and
third vertical lasers.

Third Lasers: Hop onto the box and land in between them all.  Jump into
the air, and float for two seconds.  When you get low enough (your butt
will pass the upper laser) float through.  Pull out your guns and take
out the two Tediz waiting just around the corner.

Fourth Lasers: I found a good way to get around this.  Two boxes are on
the left side.  Get on the first box, and crawl under the wires,
remaining on the box the whole time.  Drop off it when you're on the
other side.  A Tediz will rush you from around the corner.

Fifth Lasers: I've received a couple of ways to do this, but here's
what I think works best.  Thanks to Paul Bliss for this.  There's a hole
at the top on the left side.  Get as close as you can to the lasers,
then High Jump and float over.

Sixth Lasers: Simple.  Crawl under them.  In this last room, you'll be
set upon by Tediz as you try to leave.  Don't be sliced by the lasers
that suddenly appear in front of the exit.  It kinda stinks that you're
stuck with the bazooka, though, for this part.  Just shoot as straight
as you can and don't blow yourself up.

Okay, now you're outside on the beach.  Bullets will be whizzing all
around you.  Ignore them.  Your problem is actually Tediz on the beach
that have bazookas.  There are two ways to get through this.  Ignore the
Tediz and try to frantically jump your way to freedom, or try to pick
them off one at a time with your own bazooka.  Either way requires a
considerable measure of luck and skill.  Here's a map of the area...

|   --------------------------|
| 8    7               4      |   X = Crosshatch Barrier
|   X                   X     |   #'s = Tediz (Order you should shoot
|  6         5                |         them)
|--------------------         |
|                           3 |
|    X             X          |
|               1             |
|     ---------------------|2 |
|                          |__|
|   Start
|

If, at any time, you die during this, you'll restart at the beginning
here with 2:00 on the clock, which is plenty of time, even if you decide
to stay and shoot.

Okay.  First head along the fence towards 1, and pull out your bazooka
to shoot him.  Next move slowly along the fence and keep going until 2
is visible.  Shoot him, then pan left and shoot 3.  Head past the second
horizontal fence and 4 and 5 will appear.  4 is just to the left of the
barrier, so aim that way before you see him and shoot just when he shows
his face, then pan left and shoot 5.  Move along towards the spot where
6 will appear (to the left of the barrier).  6, 7, and 8 will all appear
at once.  Hit 6 ASAP, then pan to the right and immediately shoot 7.  8
is behind the barrier from where you're standing, so you have a small
reprieve.  Wait until his missile hits the barrier, then strafe until
you can see him and shoot.  Put away the bazooka and make your run for
freedom.

---

Peace at Last!

Nothin' to do here, really, except watch the cutscene and return to
Windy.

***********************************************************************

K. Heist

You're in the home stretch, now.  This chapter isn't long, but it can
get tough.  Good luck.

---

The Windmill's Dead

Well, just as the title says, as soon as you re-enter Windy, if you
look at where the windmill was, you'll see it's now in pieces all over
the ground.  Head up to the ruins, and you'll see Rodent survived
after all, the trooper.  Head inside the ruins, and head through the
hole at the bottom.

Well, how 'bout that?  You're standing in front of the Feral Reserve
Bank, the place you couldn't get to oh-so-long ago.  Walk in front of
the steps, and you'll meet your old pal, The Boss.  He'll offer you
another job, of knocking over the bank.  Hey!  Berri's back!  And she's
sporting a rather fetching black leather ensemble.  Conker will agree
to do the job, but only if he gets an outfit as cool as hers.  Once
Conker's changed, run up to the bank and through the revolving door.

---

Enter the Vertex

And the award for Absolute Best Movie Parody in a Video Game goes to...

Once again, if you don't recognize the movie parody, you're too young
to play this game.  Shame on thou...

All right, once you get control of Conker, head for the nearest pillar.
Note that each pillar has a B Pad in front of it.  Wait for the two
weasel guards to start shooting at you.  As soon as you hear the word
"Regroup!", press B.

Hee hee...  Aim using the Stick and fire while pressing Z.  One hit
will take out a weasel.

NOTE: You can shoot these guys normally, but they're very good shots and
they take a lot of normal hits to put down.  You're best off using the
B Pads, of course.

Also, a good time to use the B Pad is if the weasels start shooting at
Berri.  Her whole point here is to draw fire for you.  You CAN get shot
while in your little jump, so it's best to avoid that chance altogether.

Anyway, once you shoot the first two, another two will show up.  Once
you take those down, Berri will shut off the laser field and you can
proceed to the next set of pillars.  Two waves of three weasels will
attack here.  Deal with them in the same manner.  At the next set of
pillars, another two waves of three weasels will attack.  At the last
set of pillars, two waves of four weasels will attack.  This part's
hard, as they have enough concentrated shots to tear your hiding place
to shreds and nail you.  If they wear the pillar down, just take the
chance and jump.  You can always try again if you die, and replay this
incredibly fun scene again.

Anyway, once the weasels are all taken out, walk towards the elevator.

In the next area, you'll face a rather complicated network of laser
beams.  Fortunately, Berri has things in hand, so just proceed into the
Vault.

---

The Vault

There's a lot of cash running around here.  Basically, just whack them
with your pan to grab them.  Grab three wads and the game will continue
for you.

I won't spoil this next cutscene, so I'll just wait here until you're
done...

...

*whistles*

*checks watch*

Done?  Okay.  If you haven't noticed, things have gone to hell in a
handbasket.  It's you against a rather nasty (and familiar) looking
alien.  First, run over to the lever in the wall and pull it.  You'll
open the airlock, and a hatchway with a space suit.  This goes without
saying, but don't get too close to the vortex of sucking air, whether
or not you're in your space suit.

Anyway, hop into the space suit, and prepare to take down Heinrich the
Alien:

Stick: Move
A: Jump (using boosters)
B: Punch
Z: Block

The alien has two attacks: One is to rush up and bite you, and the other
is to spin its tail along the ground to try to trip you up.  It's tough,
but try your best to rush in when you get an opening and punch it
several times.  Once you give it an uppercut, it'll collapse on the
ground.  Walk around behind the alien and walk to where its tail
connects to the rest of its body to pick it up.  Don't walk to the end
of the tail, just where it connects to the body.

Here's where all that Super Mario 64 pays off.  Slowly rotate the stick
to swing the alien around.  It doesn't matter which way.  Slowly
increase your speed and eventually, the alien will be so that its
nails aren't scraping the floor.  When it's aimed at the airlock, hit
B and you'll toss it.  It'll jump back in, but that's one.  You need
to throw it at the door three times to win.

Be careful on the second and subsequent tries, because the alien will
wise up a bit and dodge your punches a little more effectively.  You'll
have to time your movements.  When it lunges to the side, immediately
jump, because it'll spin.  When it lunges back, press Z to block and
it'll be stunned.  You can then punch the crud out of it and throw it
out.

---

End Cutscene

Sit.

Watch.

Good boy.

Well, good work.  Conker has survived his Bad Fur Day.  Now, you can
relax with some Multiplayer and speculate on how bad Conker's next
day will be, which we will hopefully find out on the GameCube sequel.

***********************************************************************

5. Multiplayer

Although not as an extensive multiplayer experience as, say, Goldeneye,
or Perfect Dark, Conker's BFD offers a nice array of options to have fun
with your friends.

***********************************************************************

A. Settings

Each multiplayer game has it's own individual settings that can be 
tweaked to your own personal desires.  Here's the basic rundown of 
attributes you'll find in most areas...

AI: The computer's intelligence.  
Inbred - Crap - Normal - Bastard - Einstein
Dumbest<-------------------------->Smartest

Time: Naturally, the length of time the match carries on for.  Can be 
anywhere between 3 and 10 minutes.  Can sometimes be unlimited, but 
Lives have to be set in its place...

Lives: The number of lives you have before you're out of the game.  
This can be anywhere between 1 and 5, and can sometimes be set to 
unlimited, but you need to set a time in its place.

NOTE: One or the other of Time and Lives is always unlimited if both 
are present in a game.

Radar: On or Off.  Dots indicated other players.  A black line above 
the dot means the person is above you, and a black line below means the 
person is below you.

Score: Some games have their own method of scoring, which can be set.

Other games have individual settings.

---

Here's how each game uses the settings:

Beach

AI: Inbred - Einstein
Score: 1 - 40
Time: 3 - 10, Unlimited

Raptor

AI: Inbred - Einstein
Score: 1 - 40
Time: 3 - 10, Unlimited
Lives: 1 - 5, Infinite
Radar: On/Off

Heist

AI: Inbred - Einstein
Time: 3 - 10, Unlimited
Lives: 1 - 5, Infinite
Radar: On/Off
Money Bags: 1 - 5 (The # of money bags to retrieve)

War

AI: Inbred - Einstein
Time: 3 - 10, Unlimited
Lives: 1 - 5, Infinite
Radar: On/Off

Tank

AI: Inbred - Einstein
Kills: 1 - 10, Unlimited (# of Kills by one person before game is over)
Time: 3 - 10, Unlimited
Lives: 1 - 5, Infinite
Radar: On/Off
Turret: On/Off (2nd or 4th player has the option of controlling 1st 
       or 3rd player's turret)

Race

AI: Inbred - Einstein
Lives: 1 - 5
Laps: 1 - 20

Deathmatch

AI: Inbred - Einstein
Kills: 1 - 10, Unlimited (# of Kills by one person before game is over)
Time: 3 - 10, Unlimited
Lives: 1 - 5, Infinite
Radar: On/Off

---

Player/Computer Settings

You can modify the number of computer players differently for different 
games.  Team games can only give you a very small number of computer 
players, but in free-for-alls, with few humans, you can pack it on.

Heist

Pretty simple.  There are always four players.  Anyone not played by a 
human is a computer.

Deathmatch

1P: 9 Computers
2P: 8 Computers
3P: 1 Computer 
4P: No Computers

Tank (Turrets Controller don't count)

1P: 7 Computers
2P: 2 Computers
3P: 1 Computer
4P: No Computers

Race

1P: 7 Computers
2P: 2 Computers

War (Total War or Colors)

With the team games you can use the C Buttons on the Team Select to 
adjust the balance of the number of players.

1P: 1C vs C, 1 vs C, 1 vs CC

2P: 
1P vs 2P: 1C vs 2, 1 vs 2, 1 vs 2C
1P/2P vs C: 12CC vs C, 12C vs C, 12 vs CC, 12 vs CCC, 12 vs CCCC

3P: 12 vs 3C, 13 vs 2C, 23 vs 1C

4P: 13 vs 24

Beach/Raptor

Since one team has the advantage over another, you cannot adjust the 
scale too much in favor of the Tediz/Raptors.  For simplicity's sake, 
the left side of these setups are always the weaker, and the right side 
is the stronger.

Left vs. Right
Frenchies vs. Tediz
Uggas vs. Raptors

1P: 1C vs C, 1 vs C, CC vs 1

2P: 
1P vs 2P: 1C vs 2, 1 vs 2, 2 vs 1, 2C vs 1
1P/2P vs C: 12CC vs C, 12C vs C, 12 vs CC
C vs 1P/2P: C vs 12, CC vs 12, CCC vs 12, CCCC vs 12

3P: 13 vs 2C and any other combination thereof, as long as two are each 
side.

4P: 13 vs 24

***********************************************************************

B. Weapons

No multiplayer game involving blood and guts would be complete without
a lovely assortment of killing apparati, and Conker is no exception.
Note that picking up any weapon will drop the old one (with the
exception of bombs).  Take that into account as you battle.

---

Close-Combat

The nice thing about close-combat weapons is that you enjoy no loss in
mobility.  You can still jump and everything.  The bad news, naturally,
is that you have to get close...

---

Baseball Bat
Bone Bat

Stick: Move
B: Take out/Put away
A: Jump
Z: Swing
C Buttons: Camera Functions

Damage: 1

The only true advantage to these weapons is that you automatically
spawn with them, in the Heist and Temple arenas.  A Baseball Bat does 
make a good fail-safe weapon for knocking out a money-carrier, and if 
you can hit your enemy enough times in succession, it'll add up.

---

Chainsaw

Stick: Move
B: Take out/Put away
A: Jump
Z: Swing
C Buttons: Camera Functions

Damage: 6 (Instant Kill)

Rev up the Poulan and get your hockey mask.  This is a good weapon if
you're agile enough to get close, and the swing is relatively quick, so
your instant kill will come easily...

---

Katana

Stick: Move
B: Take out/Put away
A: Flip
Z: Swing
C Buttons: Camera Functions

Damage: Slash - 1
        Follow-up Slice - 6 (Instant Kill)

I love this weapon.  I've analyzed it, and it doesn't make you any
faster, or jump any higher, but it does have some nice perks.  To make
the kill, you need to hit the enemy with one slash, then hit the button
again to decapitate them, but the perks don't end there.  Your footfalls
are now silent.  You are invisible to radar, and you can survive falls
that would normally harm you.  Note, however, that you cannot survive
falls that would normally kill you...

---

Throwing Knives
Bone Knives

Stick: Move
B: Take out/Put away
A: Jump
Z: Throw
R: Aiming Mode
C Buttons: Strafe

Damage: 1 (Head Shot: Instant Kill)

Yeah, I know they're not close-combat, but they don't fit anywhere, so I
stuck 'em here.  Knives are okay, but they're probably on the bottom of
the weapons totem pole.  There's really always something stronger,
faster, or more convenient.  But, at the end of the day, you may find
that a well-placed knife can still save your bacon.

---

Automatics

Some automatics require you to reload every so often.  As is always the
case, the big advantage with automatics is you can lay down a spray of
fire and have a better chance of hitting someone.

---

Semi-Auto Rifle

Stick: Move
B: Take out/Put away
A: Reload Manually
Z: Fire
R: Aiming Mode
C Buttons: Strafe

Damage: 2 (Head Shot: Instant Kill)
Clip: 30
Mobility Loss: None

Not a bad weapon.  It gets decent points for causing damage, but being
semi-auto, you need to keep pressing Z to fire it.  The reload time is
pretty long, too...

---

Machine Guns

Stick: Move
B: Take out/Put away
A: Reload Manually
Z: Fire
R: Aiming Mode
C Buttons: Strafe

Damage: 1 (Head Shot: Instant Kill)
Clip: 30 X 2
Mobility Loss: None

A really good all-around weapon.  Probably the only thing bad about this
is the fact that, for some reason, it's tough to aim while moving, but,
that aside, it's an excellent piece of weaponry for putting down the
bad guys.

---

Tommy Gun

Stick: Move
B: Take out/Put away
Z: Fire
R: Aiming Mode
C Buttons: Strafe

Damage: 2 (Head Shot: Instant Kill)
Mobility Loss: None

At first, I thought there was something screwy with this gun, until I
realized the truth.  It's got a nasty kickback.  Fire it for more than
a couple of seconds, and you're stitching holes in the ceiling.  It's
got infinite ammo, so short controlled bursts are what work here.

---

Turret Gun

Stick: Aim
A: Jump in/Jump out
B: Reload Manually
Z: Fire
C Up/Down: Zoom

Damage: 2
Clip: 80 (?)
Mobility Loss: Full

Naturally, it's full mobility loss, 'cause you're not moving at all!
In the furnace heat of battle, you can usually find something better
than the Turret Gun to use, because you leave yourself wide open, and
it's really tough to handle.  Of course, if you can pin down an
opponent with this puppy, then, by all means, go for it!

---

Long-Range Weapons

Hope you're relatively safe, because these weapons are for campers
only...

---

Sniper Rifle

Stick: Move
B: Take out/Put away
Z: Fire (Hold for laser sight, release for shot)
R: Aiming Mode
C Left/Right: Strafe
C Up/Down: Zoom

Damage: 1 (Head Shot: Instant Kill)
Mobility Loss: Slight

The de facto sniper weapon.  Naturally, the advantage to this is that
you can strike from afar, which can be quite useful at times.  This
rifle has a very slow rate of fire, so beware, and don't shoot unless
you're sure you've got a hit.

---

Crossbow
Bone Crossbow

Stick: Move
B: Take out/Put away
Z: Fire (Hold for laser sight, release for shot)
R: Aiming Mode
C Left/Right: Strafe
C Up/Down: Zoom

Damage: 1 (Head Shot: Instant Kill)
Mobility Loss: Slight

What's the difference between this and the Sniper Rifle?  This has a
lesser zoom extent, and the bolts travel slower than a bullet, but, it
has a higher fire rate than the Rifle.  What's better?  That's a choice
I leave to you, the consumer...

---

Power Weapons

Good for one (or two) shot kills, and also for incapacitating enemies.
The big problem with these guys is either their fire rate, their range,
the loss to mobility, or any combination of those.

---

Hand Cannon (Magnum Pistol)

Stick: Move
B: Take out/Put away
A: Reload Manually
Z: Fire (Hold for laser sight, release for shot)
R: Aiming Mode
C Left/Right: Strafe
C Up/Down: Zoom

Damage: 6 (Instant Kill)
Clip: 6
Mobility Loss: Moderate

Yup.  No matter where you hit someone with a Cannon shot, it'll spell
instant doom (unless they're a Raptor).  You even have a limited zoom
with it.  Naturally, this power comes at a cost.  A slow rate of fire, a
need to reload after six shots, and the mobility loss are all the price
you pay for this.

---

Shotgun

Stick: Move
B: Take out/Put away
Z: Fire
R: Aiming Mode
C Buttons: Strafe

Damage: Far Shot - 3
        Close Shot - 6 (Instant Kill)
Mobility Loss: Slight

In a world of jumping around and fast guns, the shotgun had to improve
over it's single player incarnation.  The fact that you hit really hard
with a decent spread makes this a viable choice for weaponry in the
arena.

---

Flamethrower

Stick: Move
B: Take out/Put away
Z: Fire
R: Aiming Mode
C Buttons: Strafe

Damage: 1
Mobility Loss: Moderate

Not one of my favorites, but I suppose it could be useful in some
situations, or if nothing better comes to hand.  Hold down Z to release
a steady stream of flame.  Once your adversary catches fire, they'll
run around in panic for a couple of seconds, allowing you to set them
up for the next hit (which you can't do until they stop moving).  If
anyone (including you) touches someone on fire, they'll catch fire as
well, so be careful when using it.

---

Bazooka

Stick: Move
B: Take out/Put away
Z: Fire
R: Aiming Mode
C Buttons: Strafe

Damage: Near Miss - 2
        Direct Hit - Instant Kill
Mobility Loss: Major

Nice gun if you can get it.  These are usually put out of the way, or in
the most direct line of fire.  Like the damage count says, even if you
miss a bit, you'll hurt the enemy, and you'll also knock him for a loop.
Naturally, a big weapon slows you down a lot, so put it away when no
one's nearby, or if you come under considerable fire.

---

Grenades
Rock Bombs
Black Bombs
Pipe Bombs

Stick: Move
C Down: Hold to take out bomb.  Release to throw.

Damage: Near Miss - 2
        Direct Hit - Instant Kill
Mobility Loss: Major

The only true "second weapon" you can have.  You'll start every Heist,
War, Raptor (if you're an Ugga), or Deathmatch with three Bombs.
They're rather awkward to use.  The longer you hold C Down, the farther
you'll throw the bomb (which never ends up being very far).  If you
want the maximum benefit from Bombs, drop them off higher ledges onto
your enemies.  Each Bomb Box you collect will add three to your total,
for a max of six.

***********************************************************************

B. Special Scenarios

Besides the standard Deathmatch, Conker offers you six specialized
scenarios to take on.  Enjoy.

---

Beach

Omaha Beach...  June 5th...  I was early...

This is a team game.  One team is the Frenchies.  They're unarmed
squirrels whose job is to get to the bottom of the Tediz base and into
the truck to Paris.  The other team are the Tediz, who are confined to
their base above the beach, whose job it is to cut down the Frenchies
at all costs.

Frenchies: 

Each Frenchie you start with has ninety seconds to make its run.  After 
those ninety seconds, a laser zaps you.

Here's the basic layout.  You'll start on one of two docks.  Straight 
ahead is a trench running horizontally.  This trench is tough to jump 
out of, so take the bridge over it if you don't want to be in there.  
You'll be safe.  Unfortunately, this is pretty much the last place 
you're safe.

There are basically three pathways to make your run here.

Middle Path: Naturally, this is the shortest, and it's wide open.  It's 
a big narrow trench running straight to freedom.  You're a sitting duck 
here, but if you trust your dodging abilities, give it a ride...

Right Path: This area's covered in the beginning, but opens up 
relatively quick.  It's big, and there's a lot of room to run around.  
It starts in a area with foxholes and then you can drop down onto a 
large open platform.  On the corner of this platform (where it meets 
the wall) is a bottle of Power Pills that will give you a speed boost.  
Use them at your own risk...

Left Path: This is the most covered path, early on.  There's a big rock 
covering you as you hug the left wall, and you'll soon come across a 
bottle of Power Pills.  Don't celebrate too quickly, because the road 
to freedom is tricky.  The path is suspended over a pit.  A fall in 
will score one for the Tediz, and the path is narrow and zig-zags.  
You may be better off leaping from the center path from here and hot-
dogging to the exit.

There is also an Upper Path for your consideration.  It runs 
horizontally midway to the base.  There are two ways to get there.  You 
can follow the trench and you'll run around the right wall and onto the 
path, or you can take the left path.  Once you get to the twisting 
path there'll be a passage in the wall that will connect you to the 
Upper Path.  From here, you can jump onto the big rock.  On this rock 
is a TNT Plunger.  Jump on it, and the Tediz are history.

Tediz: You are confined to the three sections of the base.  The middle
section has the big Turret Gun for your pleasure.  You can also run to
the ramps on the right or left side of the gun to access the other two
sections.  Going up the right ramp automatically arms you with a Sniper
Rifle, and going up the left ramp automatically arms you with a Bazooka.
Use whatever you feel most comfortable with.

Scoring:

Frenchie Escapes: +1 Frenchie
Frenchie Killed (any means): +1 Tediz
Tediz Killed (any means): +1 Frenchie

---

Raptor

This scenario pits the Uggas against the Raptors in a food-snatching
showdown.  The Uggas want the Raptor's eggs for dinner, and the Raptors
want the Uggas for dinner.  This is another team game.

I really don't like this scenario, mainly because life is seriously
stacked against the Uggas, and you'll need to be a smart Ugga to win.

Uggas:

Weapons: Bone Bat, Bone Knives, Bone Crossbow, Rock Bombs

As previously stated, you're in for a rough ride.  Grabbing an egg will
give you a slight mobility loss, which is more than enough for any
Raptor to catch up to you and chow down.  The only real way to survive
this (unless you've got a bunch of Uggas against one Raptor) is to find
a perch and snipe at the Raptors with Knives or the Crossbow.  You get
points for killing Raptors as well as grabbing eggs, so concentrate on
the former.  Of course, if by any chance, you get an opening, and can 
grab an egg, you'll get 3 points.

Raptors:

Stick: Move
A: Jump
B/Z: Bite
C Buttons: Camera Functions

It's good to be a Raptor.  You can use your bite to eat any non-Raptor
adversary whole, and any attack that hits you, no matter what attack or
where, does only one damage.  The only disadvantage is that you have no
long range attack, so anyone that snipes on you has the upper hand.
Also, being the Raptor can tend to make you the target, because no one
wants to slug it out with the other guy when there's a hungry dino
charging him.  If you bite an Ugga, you can carry him to your baby back 
at the nest for an extra point.

Score:

Egg Fried: +3 Ugga
Raptor Killed by Ugga: +1 Ugga
Ugga Killed by Raptor: +1 Raptor
Baby Fed: +1 Raptor

---

Heist

All right youse mugs.  Time to hit the Feral Reserve Bank.  I like this
one, even though it can sometimes get drawn out.  This game is always
four-player, no matter how many humans you use.  There is always one
Red, one Blue, one Green, and one Yellow no matter how you slice it.
Your objective is to grab the Money Bag in the center of the bank and
bring it back to your safe.

Weapons: Baseball Bat, Black Bombs, Throwing Knives, Tommy Gun, 
   Crossbow, Bazooka

Strategies: Yellow and Green have a slight advantage in this game.  On
their way back to their vault, they make a turn in their zone, shielding
them from long-range attacks, whereas the Blue and Red are open the
entire run back.

Grabbing the Money Bag will give you a slight mobility loss, so if
you're in the central area, make sure no one is around when you make a
break for it, otherwise you'll be nailed.  You can sometimes avoid
long range weapons, but if anyone catches up to you with their bat,
expect to be hit and dropping the bag.

When dropped, the Money Bag will attempt to hop back to its spot in the
center.  Try to snag it before then to give yourself a headstart.

Scoring:

Money Bag Snagged: +1
(You can't score by getting Kills in this game.  However, if there's a
tie at the end.  The victory goes to the person with the most Kills.)

---

War

It's Squirrels versus Tediz, in all out combat.  This is a team game.  
You'll pick a side and choose one of the battles.

---

Total War

Like the title says, the way to glory is to shoot the other side.  You 
each have your own base, and each side is identical.  It's not just 
straight killing, though.  You also have the option of grabbing a 
chemical canister from your enemy's base, carrying it to the insertion 
point underground, and flooding the area with gas, killing anyone who's 
not in the insertion point or not wearing a mask.

Weapons: Chainsaw, Katana, Throwing Knives, Semi-Auto Rifle, Machine 
   Guns, Sniper Rifle, Hand Cannon, Flamethrower, Bazooka, Grenades, 
   Pipe Bombs

So, here's the setup.

Your Base: On the lower floor, there's a box of Bombs.  There's a room 
in the back that has Machine Guns and a Semi-Auto Rifle.  There's a 
ramp that runs around the back upper floor that has a Katana and 
Throwing Knives.  Up the ramp to the right of the door is a doorway 
that will take you to the sniper's roost, where you can find a Sniper 
Rifle.  Out the main door you'll reach the Trench Field.  Up the ramp 
to the left will be a passage that'll take you to the upper part of the 
Trench Field.  Down the passage on the lower floor will take you down 
to the sewers.  Partway down, you'll find a Hand Cannon, and further 
down a side passage with a Flamethrower.  In the middle is the canister 
insertion point.

Trench Field: An S-shaped trench runs the length of the field.  Along 
the trench, there's a hole that'll drop you into the sewers and onto 
the Flamethrower.  On the upper fields, you'll find a Chainsaw, and 
there's a bridge connecting the two upper fields that has the lone 
Bazooka on it.

The canisters are on the upper ramp of each base.  If someone places a 
canister in the insertion point, everyone will have five seconds to 
either duck into the insertion point chamber or grab one of the three 
gas masks in each base to survive.

Strategies: Pretty basic stuff applies here.  If someone grabs the 
canister, don't try to stop them unless you have a really good chance.  
Just go for a mask.

Score:

Tediz kills Squirrel: +1 Tediz
Squirrel kills Tediz: +1 Squirrel

(Suicides and kills by same team don't count against you)

---

Colors

This is a basic Capture the Flag scenario.  You have to reach the top 
of the enemy base and take their flag back to your base.  Pretty simple.

Weapons: Chainsaw, Katana, Throwing Knives, Semi-Auto Rifle, Machine 
   Guns, Turret Gun, Sniper Rifle, Hand Cannon, Flamethrower, Bazooka, 
   Grenades, Pipe Bombs

The layout of this place is a remake of the Beach.  What's changed is 
that there's a matching Squirrel base where the beach was, and each 
base battlements and entrances are now connected.

Each Base: There are two entrances that lead out to the main field, and 
the main lobby area has the flag insertion point (where you take the 
opposing flag).  On the floor there are Machine Guns.  Up the ramp 
you'll find a Hand Cannon and a box of Bombs.  Continue up the wooden 
ramp and you'll reach the Turret Gun.  To the left and right are ramps 
that lead up to nests.  To the right is the sniper's nest with a Sniper 
Rifle, and to the left is an empty area, but another path that leads to 
a Katana and the flag.

Middle Area: Identical to the Beach in just about every way.  There are 
Throwing Knives on the zigzag path outside the pathway, and under the 
bridge in the trench.  There's a Flamethrower in the foxhole area.  
There are two boxes of Bombs where the Power Pills are supposed to be.  
There's a Chainsaw on the upper path, and, where the TNT Plunger in 
Beach was, there's a Bazooka.

Strategies: Flag-bearers are vulnerable, but you can drop the flag by 
pressing B.  Standard killing tactics apply here, besides...

Scoring:

Squirrel Captures Tediz Flag: +1 Squirrel
Tediz Captures Squirrel Flag: +1 Tediz

If there's a tie, the win goes to who got the most kills.

***********************************************************************

6. Miscellany

---

A. Money Locations

There are a couple of points in the game where you have to have a
certain amount of money to pass.  If you're looking for extra cash,
here's where they all are, and where you can find details on picking
them up in the walkthrough.

$100 - Help Mrs. Bee the first time (Windy: Mrs. Bee)
$100 - Roof of Barn (Barn Boys: Marvin)
$100 - Alcove above the Sunflower (Barn Boys: Sunny Days)
$100 - After beating Haybot (Barn Boys: Frying Tonight)
$100 - The sewer tunnel near the barn (Barn Boys: Slam Dunk)
$100 - Sewers under Poo Cabin (Windy II: Sewage Sucks)
$100 - Through the wasp nest's holes (Windy II: Great Balls of Poo)
$100 - Top of Poo Mountain (Windy II: Great Balls of Poo)
$100 - Bats Tower (very top) (Bats Tower: Barry's Mate)
$10 - Catfish's Safe (Bats Tower: Brass Monkeys)
$300 - In the catfish area above the Bullfish's resting place (Bats
   Tower: Bullfish's Revenge)
$100 - In front of the flush handle in the Great Mightypoo's lair
   (Sloprano: U-Bend Blues)
$100 - Entry to Uga Buga (Sloprano: The Bluff)
$100 - On top of the big dino idol in Uga Buga (Uga Buga: Phlegm)
$100 - Rock Solid Club, in Berri's former cage (Uga Buga: Rock Solid)
$100 - At the end of the race with the muggers (Uga Buga: Mugged)
$100 - After beating Buga the Knut (Uga Buga: Buga the Knut)
$400 - Help Mrs. Bee a second time (Windy III: Wasps' Revenge)
$100 - Escape Spooky (Spooky: Mr. Barrel)

---

B. Tail Locations

Lives are pretty much a joke in Conker's BFD.  When you get a Game Over,
you start in exactly the same spot you would if you had lost a life,
but, if you're worried about staying alive.  Here are the Tail Locations
in the game.

Windy: On the Nasty/Nice signpost
   In the Sewage area after you've filled it with the cows
Barn Boys: In the sewer tunnel
   On the side of the barn, opposite the door switch
   Under a big part of the landscape behind the cheese enclosure (10)
Bats Tower: Behind a waterfall at the Bullfish's river
Sloprano: In the spinning blades area
Uga Buga: On the big idol's neck
   In the area after you beat Buga the Knut (5)

---

C. Cheat Codes

Here ya go.  These are the cheats that have been revealed so far, by
Conker Himself, XAnimal, and Parasyte.  All credit goes to them.

Chapter Opening Codes:

After these codes are entered, you can play the chapter indicated by
accessing the Chapters menu.  Of course, if you've beaten the game,
they're not worth much.

PRINCEALBERT - Barn Boys
CLAMPIRATE - Bats Tower
ANCHOVYBAY - Sloprano
MONKEYSCHIN - Uga Buga
SPANIELSEARS - Spooky
BEELZEBUBSBUM - It's War
CHOCOLATESTARFISH - Heist
WELDERSBENCH - All Chapters

Multiplayer Characters:

After these codes are entered, you can use the character or characters
indicated in Deathmatches and Races.

WELLYTOP - Conker
EASTEREGGSRUS - Neo Conker
BILLYMILLROUNDABOUT - Gregg, the Grim Reaper, both with and without robe
CHINDITVICTORY - Striped shirt weasel, and black suit weasel
RUSTYSHERIFFSBADGE - Squirrel Sergeant and Tediz Leader
BEEFCURTAINS - Male Zombie, Female Zombie, Male Frenchie/Villager,
   Female Frenchie/Villager
EATBOX - Normal Caveman and the four racing cavemen

Other Codes:

SPUNKJOCKEY - Try slicing someone in one player Deathmatches...
XFYHIJERPWAL IELWZS - Debug Mode
BOVRILBULLETHOLE - Start with 50 lives
DRACULASTEABAGS - Allows the use of the Baseball Bat in Race
DUTCHOVENS - Allows the use of the Frying Pan in Race
EASY - Opens Easy Mode (?)
VERYEASY - Opens Very Easy Mode (?)

About the Debug Mode: This is a classic "lift the cartridge corner"
thing, if you're familiar with messing around with your games.  I don't
recommend it, though, and assume no responsibility if you mess up your
game using this...

Are there more codes?  Possibly...

Also, if you type in naughty words, you'll get a reaction from the Fire
Imp... ^_^

***********************************************************************

7. Legal

This FAQ was made 100% by me, Scott "CyricZ" Zdankiewicz.  You may
not take it in whole or in part and claim it as your own.  You must
ask me before posting this on your site, and it must remain in its
original text format.  I spent a lot of time on this.  Give me some
credit.

Currently, the following sites have permission to post this FAQ.

www.gamefaqs.com
vgstrategies.about.com
www.gamespot.com
www.cheatcc.com

***********************************************************************

8. Credits

CJayC, Al Amaloo, and all the other webmasters, for putting this up on
their sites.

Paul Bliss, for a few tips on the Its War chapter.

Rare, for being gods among mortals once again.

Nintendo, for having the cojones to authorize this.

***********************************************************************

9. Version Updates

Version 1.1 - 3/23/2001 - Cleaned up some stuff in the walkthrough.  
Added my first batch of multiplayer stuff.  Enjoy yo'selves...

Version 1.0 - 3/13/2001 - Single player is finished.  Multiplayer will
be up in due course.

Version 0.8 - 3/12/2001 - Uga Buga, Windy III, and Spooky are up.  Also
put up the Miscellany section and updated the FAQ...

Version 0.7 - 3/11/2001 - Bats Tower, Windy II, and Sloprano are up.

Version 0.5 - 3/9/2001 - Hungover and Barn Boys are complete...  I'll
admit it.  This was a visibility update...

***********************************************************************

10. The Final Word

Well, there you have it.  Some people think of this game as a step
backward in quality of games, but I disagree.  This is an absolutely
hilarious jump in gaming quality, and I suggest you not knock it before
you try it.

If you're interested in looking at any of my other FAQs, I wrote FAQs
for Perfect Dark, Ogre Battle 64, and Star Wars: Battle for Naboo.
Check them out, won't you?

Take care, have fun, and don't be so stuck up! ~_^

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