Multiplayer FAQ - Guide for Conker's Bad Fur Day

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| Conker's Bad Fur Day Multi FAQ for Nintendo 64 |
| Author: Icy Guy ([email protected])    |¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
| Size: 32 KB                            |
| Version 0.1                            |
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| Table of Contents |
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 1. Intro and Disclaimer

 2. Revision Information and Stuff

 3. Legal Miscellany

 4. Your Mode Choices and Setup Options...and Weaponry, Too

 5. Beach

 6. Raptor

 7. Heist

 8. Deathmatch

 9. War
  A. Total War
  B. Colors

10. Tank

11. Race

12. Cutscene Transcription
 A. Beach
  a. Frenchies and the Sergeant
  b. The Tediz
 B. Raptor
  a. Ugas
  b. Raptors
 C. Heist
 D. War
  a. Total War: Squirrels
  b. Total War: Tediz
  c. Colors: Squirrels
  d. Colors: Tediz
 E. Tank
 F. Miscellaneous

13. Cheats

14. Gameshark Stuff

15. Contact Intro/Outro

16. Major L33t Props, D00d


 1. Intro and Disclaimer

     Hello and welcome to my FAQ on Conker's Bad Fur Day's Multi mode!  (I 
sound typically sickeningly overenthusiastic there, don't I?)  As one of the 
last Nintendo 64 games, this was sort of foreshadowed by the upcoming release 
of the Gamecube, which, in my opinion will NEVER EVER be as good as the 
Nintendo 64.  This game is downright funny, with it's...er..."mature" antics 
and parodies, and it's also fun.  Although the main game may not keep you 
busy for a while, the Multi mode may be just the thing to take care of your 
woefully short attention span.  This FAQ's goal is to cover the Multi mode as 
best as I can, providing all the things you can find in the Table of Contents 
up there, if you scroll up a bit.  Now on to the disclaimer...

READ THIS AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!  BY SCROLLING ANY FURTHER PAST THIS LINE, YOU 
HEREBY AGREE THAT YOU WILL NOT SEND ME ANY E-MAILS OF COMPLAINT ABOUT THE 
CONTENT OF THIS GAME AND/OR THAT COVERED BY THIS FAQ.  THIS GAME HAS AN 
ADVISORY ON THE FRONT OF IT FOR A REASON, SO PARENTS, DON'T COME WHINING TO 
ME IF YOUR DEAREST LITTLE CHILD HAS GOTTEN THEIR HANDS ON THIS GAME BECAUSE 
THEY'VE SEEN THIS FAQ.  IT'S YOUR JOB TO USE YOUR JUDGEMENT TO DECIDE IF 
THEY'RE FIT TO PLAY IT, NOT MINE.  ALSO, IF YOU'RE A READER WHO IS NOT A 
PARENT, YOU AGREE NOT TO COMPLAIN TO ME ABOUT THE CONTENT OF THIS GAME AND/OR 
FAQ.  I'M SERIOUS.  ANY E-MAIL ALONG THOSE LINES WILL BE IMMEDIATELY DELETED 
OR IGNORED.  BY SCROLLING ANY FURTHER DOWN, YOU...oh wait...

BY SCROLLING ANY FURTHER DOWN, YOU AGREE THAT YOU WILL NOT SEND ME ANY 
FANBOYISH E-MAIL ABOUT ANY COMMENTS I MAKE THAT MAY PERTAIN TO THE 
SUPERIORITY OF THE NINTENDO 64 OVER THE GAMECUBE!

And also...

YOU ALSO AGREE NOT TO USE ANY MESSENGER PROGRAMS (AOL Instant Messenger, ICQ, 
Yahoo! Messenger, MSN Messenger, or any other messaging program not mentioned 
here) AS A SUBSTITUE FOR E-MAIL PERTAINING TO THE ABOVE TERMS!

By scrolling any further down, you agree to the terms set above.  Should you 
not agree to them, then I suggest you close the window with this FAQ in it 
IMMEDIATELY.



So you're still here, then?  I take you agreed to the preceding terms, then.  
With that in mind, it's time to boogie over to the legal stuff, and then 
after that, the rest of this FAQ, in which I shall impart my knowledge of the 
game's Multi mode.

Wait...no...it's the revision stuff first.  THEN it's the legal stuff.  My 
mistake.  ;)


 2. Revision Information and Stuff

Version 0.1-- Finished 10/5/02 (5551 words, 24525 characters, 13 pages)
             -Added everything.


 3. Legal Miscellany

This document © 2002 Icy Guy.  You may not engage in unauthorized 
distribution of any kind.  You *can*, however, do the following:

-Put it on your site if you ask me.
-Print out a copy for your own, PERSONAL use (i.e. No printing it out and
 giving it to a friend.)

You cannot put this on a disk with a collection of FAQs, sell this, or make 
any kind of profit off of this.

If you put it on your site, you must: (a) give me the URL so I can check it
out (it must be a legit site with nothing illegal on it), (b) give me 
_*complete*_ credit, and (c) put it up with no changes whatsoever.  And 
speaking of putting this on sites...

The following sites have permission to post this without having to consult me 
first:

http://www.gamefaqs.com
http://www.cheatcc.com
http://www.cheatcodes.com
http://www.gamewinners.com
http://sages.ign.com
http://www.neoseeker.com
http://www.dlh.net

I'm giving myself permission to post this on any of my personal sites.  Also, 
you might wanna check out http://www.pagerealm.com/igmidi, which is the 
collection of all the MIDIs I've ever sequenced, including several from this 
game, Conker's Bad Fur Day.  But that doesn't mean you can go there and steal 
them.  No.  If you wanna put them on your own site, or in a game, ask me 
first.  You'll do that, no?


 4. Your Mode Choices and Setup Options...and Weaponry, Too

     OK.  Now that you're through with the revision and legal sections, I've 
served up another section, which is part of the meat and/or potatoes of this 
FAQ.  This section details all the different options you can set for each 
different mode, like game length, number of lives, etc.  Here are your 
options, sorted by game type.

All: A.I. (in order of easiest to hardest): Inbred, Crap, Normal, Bastard, 
and Einstein

Beach - Time Limit: Unlimited, 3-10 minutes; Score: 1-40 points (the number 
of Frenchies you have to kill to win as the Tediz, and then number of times 
you must escape to win when playing as the Frenchies); maximum of 2 Tediz, 
minimum of 1; maximum of 8 Frenchies, minimum of 1

Raptor - Time Limit: Unlimited, 3-10 minutes; Radar: On or Off; Score: 1-40 
points (number of eggs you have to drop in the frying pan as an Uga or the 
number of Ugas you have to kill when you play as a raptor); Lives: 1-5, 
Infinite ("Infinite" only if you have a time limit); maximum of 2 raptors, 
minimum of 1; maximum of 8 Ugas, minimum of 1

Heist - Time Limit: Unlimited, 3-10 minutes; Score (Bags): 1-5; Radar: On or 
Off; max of 2 people per team

Deathmatch: Time Limit: Unlimited, 3-10 minutes; Radar: On or Off; Score 
(Kills): 1-10, Unlimited; Radar: On or Off

War - Total War and Colors - Time Limit: Unlimited, 3-10; Radar: On or Off; 
Score: 1-40; Lives: 1-5, Infinite; maximum of 8 per side, minimum of 1

Tank - Score (Kills): 1-10, Unlimited; Lives: 1-5 Infinite; Turret Control by 
a 2nd Player (Turret Icon): On or Off; Radar: On or Off

Race - Lives: 1-5, Infinite; Laps: 1-5

Weapons:

Beach - Chain Gun, Bazooka, Sniper Rifle

Raptor - Bombs, Bone Bat, Crossbow, Throwing Knives

Heist - Random Weapons, Baseball Bat

Deathmatch - Random Weapons in each level

War: Total War - Flamethrower, Assault Rifle, Submachine Guns, Magnum, 
Throwing Knives, Katana, Bazooka, Sniper Rifle, Grenades, Chainsaw

War: Colors - Sniper Rifle, Chain Gun, Grenades, Magnum, Submachine Guns, 
Bazooka, Katana, Throwing Knives, Chainsaw

Tank - Power Turret, Booster, Shield

Race - Booster, Rockets


 5. Beach

     Now I could repeat a (very old) joke involving the word "beach," but 
I'll save that for a later revision.  This is the first Multi reference to 
World Wars I and II.  (I'll explain more of this later.)  Here you have the 
usual choice of playing as the bad guys (Tediz) and the good guys (the 
Frenchies).  Now it's obvious that playing as the Tediz gives you an 
advantage, considering that you have weapons when the Frenchies don't (but in 
the future using a Gameshark may even out the odds, but don't get your hopes 
up).  As the Frenchies, you have to work your way up the beach, over the land 
in front of you ("majestic green hills, shining gravel paths, and silver 
bridges studded with stones" isn't quite the correct picture here) and into 
either of the large openings at the base of either side of the base.  You've 
got 90 seconds to get there from the time you assume control over one of the 
Frenchies.  As the Tediz, your goal is to stop the Frenchies, preferably by 
killing them.  It's not very nice, I know, but it's what you have to do.

     If you're playing with the computer (as the Tediz), the computer player 
will immediately hop on the machine gun in front of you.  If you're playing 
with a human player (only 2 people can be on the Tediz side), then one of you 
should use the machine gun emplacement and the other person should grab the 
Sniper Rifle (go into the opening on your right behind you - you get it 
automatically) or go into the opening behind you and to the left to get the 
Bazooka (you automatically get the gun).  In the Sniper Rifle tower, when you 
stand at the very edge of it, you have a view of the beach, the bridge (you 
can actually see over part of the walls on it), the plunger, and a good bit 
of the ground below.  If you go to the Bazooka tower (my preference most of 
the time), you have a view of part of a...canyon, I'd call it, the bridge 
(but you can't see over the walls on it), the plunger, the far exit from the 
bridge, the place where you come out of the exit from the bridge, and part of 
the right side of the beach.  (It's nearly impossible to hit your target if 
they're on the beach, but I've done it about...twice, I'd say.)  The only 
thing you have to worry about as a way of being attacked by the Frenchies is 
that plunger I've mentioned - if one of them hops on it, you and your 
teammate blow up.  The best way to guard it is with the Bazooka, I've found.  
With the Bazooka, if you stand at the very edge of the tower and go into 
aiming mode, if you line the middle lines of the crosshairs up with the 
farthest part (top) of the bridge, whenever you fire, anyone crossing that 
part of the bridge will be hit, possibly killed.

     If, on the flip side, you happen to be playing as the Frenchies, you 
have to dodge gunfire instead of being able to take advantage of it.  Note 
that the more Frenchies you have with as your teammates, the less likely you 
are to be hit (although this is questionable).  Note that there's sometimes a 
little glitch.  You know how sometimes the computer players will duck when 
the Tediz are firing.  Well, on my cart, it seems that if you go to the left 
from the start, hop in the ditch, and then hop out and go near the rock, any 
Frenchies that go over there and crouch _won't stop crouching_.  It's 
annoying, but it may just be my cart.  (It may also be the fact that I was 
getting impatient with them, but I doubt that.)  Anyway, you have 3 different 
choices when you want to reach your goal.

After you take control of a character...

-Go to the left, around the small hill with the plunge atop it, and follow it 
around.  Once you've gone around it, if you keep going forwards under the 
bridge, you'll fall into a pit, but if you go the right, you can hop down 
onto the "main path," the "canyon" I mentioned earlier.  (It's actually a 
gulch, it seems, and that's what it will be called from here on out.)  You'd 
better start hopping around as you go forwards, because unless your foe is 
shooting at someone else or reloading, you'll find that you have more holes 
in your head than nature (or, rather, Rare) intended.  A couple of good 
headshots may even blow your head off or apart.  This is the medium-
difficulty route.

-Go straight and over the bridge.  You have 2 choices here: go to the left, 
into the gulch, and follow the path.  Take this if you have a death wish, 
because the only way you aren't going to be killed is by a sheer stroke of 
luck, luck with jumping as you move forwards, or hilarious inaccuracy/poor 
skill of the person with the machine gun.  Instead of this path, you can take 
the other one, which entails going up the hill on the right (from when you 
first had two choices) and running across this open ground.  Try and keep the 
lone bridge support in between you and the gunner, or you're cooked.  Once 
you reach the end, you can hop down to the end of the gulch and take either 
exit.  These are the hardest routes.

-Hop in the ditch under the first bridge and follow it to the right.  Go 
under the rock arch and up this hill, being sure to move behind the walls for 
cover, should the need arise.  The Tediz (Is "Tedi" the singular?) will 
probably be shooting at you from the right tower with the Bazooka, so be 
ready to jump out of the way or hide behind the walls.  Now you'll be at the 
end of the bridge, so run behind one of the walls on the bridge.  From here, 
run to the next wall when the coast is clear.  Now you have 2 options: you 
can keep running forwards to the opening in the wall that takes you 1 level 
lower, or try and activate the plunger.  Should you want to activate the 
plunger, hop on that little narrow neck of land to the left of the bridge 
(look before you leap).  Follow it to the end and jump on the plunger, being 
wary of the enemy.  Once you hit it, they explode.  From here, you'd jump 
down to the ground and run to the tunnels.  Now if you chose to keep going 
forwards and into the hole in the wall, you'll appear directly below it, at 
the top of a ramp.  Take the ramp down, being careful not to fall in the pit, 
and go into the tunnels to finish your goal.  This is the easiest route.


 6. Raptor

     These raptors and Ugas (the cavemen) are hungry, and sticking your 
finger in their mouths and pressing on their tongues isn't going to satisfy 
them.  No.  No, "Yuuuuum...yummmmm...*burp*.  Euh!  Euh!" for you.  Instead, 
there's a different approach to that.  As a raptor, you must go out hunting 
and bring back as many Ugas as you can to the nest (or devour them on the 
spot: your choice) to feed the young raptor (who, I must say, has a mouth 
bigger than his body).  If you have an Uga in your mouth (grab one by hitting 
B when you're standing still near one), you can hit Z to swallow it or carry 
it back to the nest, which you should then hop in to feed the little guy.  
Once you're in the nest and you stand next to the baby raptor, the Uga is 
automatically thrown on one side of the nest, and then you get to watch the 
baby raptor dine elegantly (or not).  Note that you can headbutt your quarry 
by hitting Z while running at it.  This will knock it in the air, so you can 
then grab it in your jaws.  Notice the effect of dripping blood after you've 
grabbed an Uga and that the effect still stays there after you swallow it or 
bring it back home.

     Should you be playing as the Ugas, your goal is to steal the raptors' 
eggs and bring them back to your...erm...home and chuck them in the frying 
pan.  How easy or hard this will be depends on how many teammates you have 
and how many of them are helping you out.  The eggs can be found at the 
raptors' nest.  Just run into one and start running.  You may have to attack 
and maybe kill the raptors before you try to steal their eggs (you seem to 
get points for this).


 7. Heist

     If I wanted to, I could go off on a bunch of jokes here, but I won't.  
No.  Instead, I'll use these one-word "sentences" instead.  Yes.  Anyway, the 
level design is simple yet effective.  Each section of it is identical, so 
the only thing you can blame any mistakes on is blatant incompetence.  You 
have the main area, which is "not very well guarded," and you have the four 
quadrants, with the colors red, blue, yellow, and green, one for each side.  
In the main area, you have...*insert choir effect here*...the bag.  Run into 
it to grab it and then run back to your quadrant (the game calls it "door").  
Run all the way to the door at the end to score, keeping in mind the fact 
that there will be either 3 or 6 other players trying to stop (read: kill) 
you, thus preventing you from scoring.  Sound easy?  I think not.  To win, 
you have to score the most (duh).  You can also win if none of your opponents 
score, which is easier than winning outright.  If you see that someone else 
has the bag (indicated by the dollar sign in their counter flashing), 
immediately drop all that you're doing and charge off to their base (unless 
it's your own teammate).  When you reach the part of it where you'll have to 
go under a bridge, run up the ramp to the left (or right - whichever is 
nearest), and run onto the bridge.  Pull out your weapon (so long as it isn't 
the baseball bat) and take aim at the player fleeing to their door, if they 
haven't scored already.  The Bazooka works wickedly well here.


 8. Deathmatch

     The name says it all here.  It's a fight to the death.  That's it.  No 
fairplay.  Once down, that's the end of you.  And I'm going to stop changing 
the tense and abbreviation of quotes from The Call of the Wild.  You have 5 
arena choices here: the Total War (covered later) arena, the Temple (where 
you played Raptor), the Vault (where you played Heist), the Colors arena 
(covered later), and the Bunker, which is a new arena.  I'll give you a bit 
of rundown here:

Total War - It has 2 bases here.  In the central area is a raised area of 
land that has weapons on it, and acts as a bridge between the two bases.  A 
sewer system runs beneath it, and can be accessed by a large hole in each of 
the bases.  Each base also has a sniper tower, and you can actually see 
inside part of the opposite base from one angle.

Temple - This is where you played Raptor, as was noted.  The eggs are gone, 
so there aren't any objectives here.  There are ledges above the entrances to 
the temple, and can be accessed by holes in the walls in the back of the 
caves where you'd find the eggs and frying pan.  Use them to your advantage.

Vault - Anything that applies in Heist applies here, except for the fact that 
there isn't a bag.  You can use the ledge running around the edge of the main 
area as a vantage point and lob grenades and bombs over the edge, or pick off 
your opponents.

Colors - 2 bases here, on opposite ends of the level.  This should look 
similar to the level in Beach.  Actually, it's nearly identical to the level 
in Beach, except the plunger's gone, as well as a couple other minor 
modifications, which are so slight they aren't even noticeable (and frankly, 
I don't even remember what they are now, even though I have a bunch of stuff 
written down).  Feel free to use either chain gun, although be aware that 
I've seen ducks in less vulnerable positions.

Bunker - Now here's an interesting one.  There's a nice little "trap" room, 
which has a switch on a ledge above it that will allow you to trigger the 
lightning bolts to shock your foes.  In halls that have "caution" stripes on 
the floor, you can step on the panels with a picture of a flame on them to 
trigger a firewall.  (These firewalls, however, won't lag you in online 
gaming.)  There's also a chain gun in one of the hallways, but you'll be 
pretty vulnerable.  (This hallway is similar to one in one of the "It's War!" 
sections.)  A very interesting section is the bathroom.  Just head through 
the doors to enter a special zone (context-sensitive, I'd say).  Whenever you 
hit the B button, you unzip and...start...peeing.  Yes, you read that right.  
Peeing.  Urinating, taking a leak, I don't care, but that's what you're 
doing.  Use the Control Stick to adjust your aim (you can rotate, but you 
can't move) and hold Z to make your urine stream shoot farther.  Very 
tasteful.  NOT.


 9. War

  A. Total War

     More WWI references.  Isn't it obvious that the gas canister is the 
poison gas used in WWI, as well as the fact that you have to have gas masks 
to survive?  No?  Then read my history book, which is...erm...I'm trying to 
remember...I think it was "Across the Centuries," but I think that's wrong.  
(I know it's written by Burt Beers and is published by Prentice Hall, 
though.)  Anyway, the goal here (aside from killing your enemies) is to take 
the enemies' canister and then take it into the sewers.  Of course, it's in 
the enemy's base, and you can get there easily by going into the large hole 
in your base and heading into the sewers.  Go to the other end to show up in 
the enemy's base.  Run up the ramps to the next level and grab the big green 
canister.  Now hurry back into the sewers and to the raised platform in the 
ground you charged over in the sewers.  As you near it (about 80 feet away 
from the room), you automatically send a radio transmission, indicating that 
anyone who doesn't have a gas mask and is not in that room better get a gas 
mask.  Once you've gotten to the platform and dropped the canister in there, 
DO NOT LEAVE THE ROOM!  An alarm will sound and a timer will show up, 
indicating that in 5 seconds the gas from the canister will be released in 
the air, killing anyone who doesn't have a gas mask on (which is only 
available during the 5-second countdown) or anyone who isn't in that room 
with you.  (On higher difficulties, your opponent will usually show up with 
your canister as you're running back to the insertion point.)  Simple enough, 
but it's made tricky by the fact that your computer teammates are usually too 
stupid to grab a gas mask.  You'll have the most success if you play with a 
human, because they'll know to grab a gas mask (and you might not have to 
tell you).  If you feel the need, you can head up into one of the sniper 
towers and pick off anyone running at your base.  Also, after each of your 
characters dies a certain time, that character is out of the game, and you 
control a different one.

  B. Colors

     Simple idea here.  You run to the enemy's base, through the base's 
tunnel, up the ramp in there, up the ramp behind the chain gun (which has 
probably turned to aim at you), up into the LEFT tower (the Bazooka one), run 
along this ledge, grab the flag, and then run back to your base and put the 
flag in the insertion point.  Simple?  No.  It's a bit hard, especially if 
you play as the Squirrels, because they don't go after the Tediz' flag.  At 
all.  Period.  The Tediz, on the other hand, will go after the Squirrels' 
flag, which means they have the advantage.  (This is actually true, because 
Rare said that "anyone who plays as the Squirrels has a severe problem," or 
something along those lines.)  As I said, this is almost a clone of the beach 
level, except for the fact that there's a base where the beach was.  This 
means that sometimes the cover on the bridges won't work.  Both sniper towers 
(and Bazooka towers) have good vantage points of the other base, and a 
skilled sniper can cause lots of mayhem.  Personally, no one's ever lasted 
longer than 20 seconds in the chain gun, because I headshot them almost 
immediately, and the other snipers don't last, either.  This brings me to 
another point: the computer's idiocy.  No matter what the difficulty, one of 
the snipers will stand behind the chain gun, and when they shoot, anyone in 
the chain gun seat will get killed.  I've also found that sometimes, when you 
jump down from the ledge with the katana on it (with the katana armed), you 
may not die.  Try it.  It's odd.


10. Tank

     A variant of Total War.  You're in control of a Class-22 tank (I detect 
a parody of "Catch-22" here), and you try and grab the canister to take it 
back to your base.  Simple?  Yes.  Drive out of your base to the main area 
(straight ahead), grab the canister on the bridge, and then head back to your 
base.  Once you enter the base, the 5-second countdown starts (which, in 
reality, is 10 seconds) before anyone outside their base is killed, because 
there aren't any gas masks.  Of course, the computer is usually smart enough 
to head back to their base when you get the canister.  You can find power-ups 
on the ledges above the main area, and you can reach these by driving up the 
hills on one side of them.  And yes, that does say "4Play" on the back of the 
tank...figure it out if you don't know what that ("foreplay") means.


11. Race

     The easiest mode, but then again, I like racing games.  In this one, you 
ride your hoverboard around the track for anywhere from 1 to 5 times, with 
hopes of coming in first.  The difference between Race A and Race B is that 
Race B takes a slightly different course.  Hit B to swing your...I think it's 
an umbrella, Up on the Control Stick to accelerate, and A to jump.  Simple?  
Yes.  Hit Z to use any of the 2 power-ups that you may find on the track.  
Don't run into anything at a high speed unless you want to blow up.


12. Cutscene Transcription

 A. Beach

  a. Frenchies and the Sergeant

Opening -

Sarge: "This is the last push.  You're on your own from now on.  We got you 
this far.  You've gotta get up that beach.  And you'll be free and dry."

Frenchie: "Ah!  Ha!  No..no...you mean home and dry.  If you please."

Sarge: "Oh yeah!  Good point boy.  Well made.  Anyway!  Get your asses up 
that beach.  There'll be a truck waitin' for yers, and then you'll be able to 
have that chateau du plonk and that funny-shaped bread to your heart's 
content.  Oh yeh!  Just one more thing.  I wouldn't hang around for too long 
up on that beach.  'Cos those Tediz have got a new and secret weapon.  We 
ain't quite sure what it is.  But, well if you hang around, you're probably 
gonna find out.  Move it out."

  b. The Tediz

Opening -

Tediz: "You must not let the refugees past.  You should use the big machine 
gun.  Try to stop the civilians from getting to their precious Paris.  You 
have two more options.  The Bazooka and the Sniper Rifle.  Remember, protect 
the base."

 B. Raptor

  a. Ugas

Opening -

Uga 1: "I'm really hungry!  I'd really like some nice eggs."

Uga 3: "Yeah, they're delicious!"

Uga 1: "Why don't we steal some eggs from the nest?  Then we could run with 
them...back to safety...and fry them in the pan.  Oh!  But watch out for the 
big mother dino.  If she catches up, she'll eat us whole.  Right...let's go 
to work."

After you win -

Uga 1: "I'm stuffed.  That was very tasty."

The camera pans along, watching each Uga fart, until one does more than that.

Uga 2: "Ha, ha!  Look, Fred's crapped himself."

  b. Raptors

Opening -

Raptor: "I think the chick's hungry.  We'll have to bring back food.  But 
protect the eggs!"

After you win -

The camera zooms in a little bit on the baby and it lets out a nice 'ol burp.

Raptor: "I think he enjoyed that!"

 C. Heist

Opening -

Don Weaso: "OK, wise guys, here's the score.  Rule number one.  My way, or 
he's a dead mother **** way.  Take your pick.  There ain't no more rules.  
Right.  We are robbing the Feral Reserve Bank at 0830 hours, Eastern Standard 
Time.  Here's the joint.  You'll notice it's not very well guarded.  Take 
four of the doors, one each.  Here are your names.  Mr. Red...Mr. Blue...Mr. 
Yellow...Mr. Green...Once inside, it's every man for himself.  Get a weapon, 
get the money, preferably both, and then get your asses out of there, OK.  
Let's go to work."

(Shouldn't it be "My way, or he's a dead mother ****** way"?  Just something 
to think about, although I've noticed that some of the game's censors aren't 
totally accurate.)

If you win or prevent the other teams from scoring -

Don Weaso: "You are my new number one.  C'mon, tough guy, the drinks are on 
me."

If, on the other hand you lose -

Don Weaso: "You know, some people have been asking me, where's Frankie?  
Where's Chicho?  Where's Ali?  Where's Paulie?  I can say, I think they gone 
for a swim.  Well, if you're waiting for 'em, I wouldn't hold your breath, 
which is ironic, because I expect that's what they're doing right now.  
Right.  Where's the next job."

 D. War

  a. Total War: Squirrels

Opening -

Sarge: "OK, guys.  Atten...tion!  Right.  Find a weapon.  Get yourself either 
defending this base, attacking the other base, or get enemy canister.  Take 
enemy canister to sewer area where you will find a place to insert the 
canister.  Thereby, you want to make sure you find yourself either a gas 
mask, or that central area, because you don't want to be outside.  No, sir.  
Any questions, boys?  No!  Well, good luck.  Atten...tion!  Great guys, every 
one of 'em."

If you win -

Sarge: "You did a fine job, soldiers.  But do not forget about your brothers 
in arms that did not return today.  They were fine men."

  b. Total War: Tediz

Opening -

Tediz: "Find yourselves a weapon.  Then kill the enemy.  Retrieve the 
canister here, and insert below.  Show no mercy!"

If you win -

Tediz: "Once again the above-average bears are victorious!  We should be in 
Paris by the summer.  Supreme victory."

  c. Colors: Squirrels

Opening -

Sarge: "OK, listen up!  Intelligence has reported, that in order to achieve 
supreme victory against the evil Tediz bastards, we have got to demoralize 
them.  They suggest that we steal their colors from here, and take it back, 
running like a bat outta hell, to here!  Whoever goes for the flag, better 
make sure you have some cover.  OK, snipers, that goes for you guys too!  
Right.  Fall out!  And good luck!"

If you win -

Sarge: "Look at this scum.  Get these monsters outta my sight.  I don't wanna 
see their faces again.  It looks like Paris will be ours again before the end 
of the summer.  Good show."

  d. Colors: Tediz

Opening -

Tediz: "Listen up!  We need to steal the enemy flag from here and insert it 
here.  Shoot the evil squirrel on sight.  Fall out!  And good luck."

 E. Tank

Opening -

Sarge: "OK, boy, here's your mission.  You gotta get in that tank.  Make sure 
that any other of the enemy in sight are immediately evaporated.  Retrieve 
the chemical weapon from the central silo area.  Return, avoiding any enemy 
activity, to your own base.  Upon entering, automate the chemical warfare 
attack, thereby eliminating the enemy.  Oh!  One more thing.  Various pickups 
align the area.  Use them to your advantage.  If you don't, the enemy will.  
Move it out.  Good luck, soldier."

If you win -

Sarge: "Well done, soldier.  You have sustained limited collateral damage.  
Therefore you have achieved cost efficiency.  The government likes you for 
that.  You also killed a few of those bastards.  Well done, sonny.  Fall 
out!"

F. Miscellaneous

Coming in Version 0.2.


13. Cheats

Also coming in Version 0.2.


14. Gameshark Stuff

Version 0.2.  I'm pooped for now.  A bit tired and sore, at that, too.  Had 
to keep running up and down the stairs to do the transcriptions.


15. Contact Intro/Outro

     Well, that's all for now.  As you can see, a few things are going to be 
new in Version 0.2, so if you have any Gameshark or Action Replay codes 
(ORIGINAL CODES ONLY!) or corrections, feel free to send them off to me at 
[email protected].  And no fanboy-isms.


16. Major L33t Props, D00d

Rare - For being the brilliant gaming gods that they are.
Nintendo - For giving Rare a console to release their games.
Microsoft - For giving Rare a new place for their games, since Nintendo's 
dumped Rare.  Evil.
CJayC - For making GameFAQs.
The webmasters of their respective sites - For making them.

And I'd like to give a big thanks to...

CAFFIENE!!!!