Kingdom O' Magic

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Walkthrough

This document contains a step by step walk-thru for the 3 quests of the Kingdom O' 
Magic for those users who are at the point of confusion or insanity. These quests 
are : 
1) The Good Old Fashioned Traditional Quest. 
2) The Magnificent 7-11 Quest. 
3) The Bizarre & Slightly Twisted Quest. 
Be sure to read very carefully. Depending on which character you select (Thidney or 
Shah-Ron) the action maybe different for a particular situation. It is not 
neccessary to follow each step in the order it is listed but it is improtant to 
perform each step. To ensure a smooth completion of each quest it is recomended that 
you follow each step as listed. 
1) The Good Old Fashioned Traditional Quest. 
There are TWO main things that need to be done: 
1) Gain entrance to the Dwarvish Halls where the Dragon doth reside. 
2) Find a way to kill the Dragon.

For all thou Standard Questors here be the way to enter the Dragon's Domain. If you 
are Shah-Ron, you doth start this wondrous adventure in the Flake Town Square If you 
are Thidney, you doth start this wondrous adventure in the Flake Town Tavern Move to 
the 70's Costume Hire Shop You must choose the correct costume for the character you 
have assumed. Now you are correctly attired move to the 70's Disco as soon as it 
opens (nightfall). The correct costume allows you past the Bouncer and into the 
Disco In the Disco is a dancing competition. You must win this competition to gain 
the Golden Platform Shoes. To win the Competition you will need help. The ideal help 
here is the Talisman O' Dancing. The only problem being that last weeks winner the 
Disco King has possession of this wondrous item. To gain the Talisman O' Dancing you 
must pummel the Disco King's head in. This violent act must take place outside 
because you don't want to annoy the Bouncer! Each character has its own subtle, nay 
wily, process of relieving the Disco King of his prized possession: Shah-Ron - 
Dressed as she is, Shaz is clearly gagging for it. She speaks to the Disco King, and 
asks him to come outside for a Slipadichtomy and he unwisely follows her. Once 
outside, Shah-Ron can beat him to death and gain the super talisman o' dancing.

Thidney - This is where Thidney's grotesque appearance is a definite plus. Thidney 
slides his slimy way over to the Disco King. Before Thidney can even sit down and 
engage the Disco King in a friendly conversation about how he would like to the 
borrow the Talisman for a princely wad O' cash the Disco King runs screaming and 
gibbering out of the Disco, dropping the Talisman in his hurry to escape the putrid 
figure that approaches him. Now you have the magical Talisman O' Dancing. Use the 
Talisman and all goes blank. You feel the presence of another being enter your head, 
it speaks to you: I am Joh-n Revolter, let your mind go free and your body will 
follow. You let go and sink into a spiraling hole in your mind. You eventually gain 
consciousness, you have won the dancing competition and have the Golden Platform 
shoes. Tales of your dancing prowess becomes stuff of bards tales and legends. The 
Golden Platform shoes need to be given to Goliath the dwarf. Once he has the shoes 
he will disappear and go off to war. After about 10 minutes he will reappear . He 
will then show you how to get into the Dwarvish halls through the 'Secret Entrance'. 
He then tells you whether the dragon is in or not. (He is always in). If you enter 
the Halls whilst the Dragon is still there your character will immediately run 
outside. Go in for a second time and you will be incinerated. Now we need to kill 
the dragon. Go to Flake town Enter the Hair Salon At the Salon get the Brochure O' 
Sun, Sea & Tomfoolery from the table. Go and speak to the Granny in Flake Town. Get 
her to leave then take the Child-in-a-Cage. Move to the Ferry in Flake Town and pay 
the ferryman to take you across to Baker's Island. Enter the Baker's Hall. You are 
then attacked by Gingerbread Men. Release the Child-in-a-Cage, he will then consume 
all the Gingerbread Men and then leap into a chest. Enter the hall, locate the 
donuts and take them. Leave Baker's Isle and return to Flake Town proper. On the 
structurally insecure pier, give the donuts to the 70's policeman. The Policeman 
will greedily consume all the donuts, whilst gaining incredible amounts of weight. 
The Pier will break underneath his excessive weight and he will fall to a grisly rip-
tide death. His sunglasses will fall onto the Pier. Pick up the Sunglasses. You now 
have the Trendai Glasses (mirrored). Now move from Flake Town to the Gorgon's 
Valley. At the start of the Valley is a statue of a Guy looking through a pair of 
binoculars at the Gorgon's Cave. If you are playing Thidney, then next to him is the 
Big Book O' Spells, take this. At the entrance to the Cave there are various statues 
of previous heroes attempting to enter the Gorgon's Cave. If you are playing Shah-
Ron, on the ground next to one is the Dirty Great Axe, take this. There is a sword 
here. Take this too. Enter the Gorgon's Cave. When you go into the Gorgon's cave, 
your character will automatically wear the Trendai Glasses. The Gorgon will appear 
and stare at you with intent of turning you into stone. Your trusty Trendai Glasses 
will reflect the Gorgon's stare straight back at her and she will turn to stone. 
Your character removes the sunglasses. You now have full access to the Gorgon's 
Cave. In the cave is a Cooker. Use the Cooker and you will discover that it contains 
a small KOM action figure that looks just like the High Steward. You take this. Also 
in the cave is a bed with a statue of a man lying down with a cigarette in his hand. 
Next to him, on the floor is a paper bag. - Pick up the paper bag. Leave the 
Gorgon's Valley and move to Backwoods. Find a smoking pair of spats. Look at the 
spats to get the security card. Also take the mobile phone and list of instructions 
from nearby. Move through De Lorean then Eastwood to Minar Tragedy. Go to the Inn 
and play Maze of frustration , Play to win. When you complete the Maze game you will 
get the little Yellow Fellow himself.

Go to the Bakers (in Minar Tragedy). Place your sword o' normalness in the Vat O' 
Dough. Wait a little and then take the weapon shaped French stick. Go on up to the 
palace, surrendering all your weapons to the guards. Go into the Throne room and 
break bread with the High Steward, thus revealing your weapon. Use this weapon to 
kill the Steward!! (The reason for killing the Steward was to clear reception on the 
Palantire later on - all will become clear). Clean up the remains of the steward 
with the paper bag. Place the Kingdom O' Magic Action Figure of the Steward on to 
the Throne, then leave. There are two ways to get to the wes side of the map: From 
Minar Tragedy move back to De Lorean. From De Lorean move to the east side of 
Kalibre Pass. Go through Kalibre Pass - HA! lost some of your Health. Move to the 
Trolls' Cave and use the Brochure O' Sun, Sea & Tomfoolery on the Trolls. - This 
turns them to stone. Get the Wedding List / Invitation List. Continue along the 
Great Western Road until you find an abandoned car. On the car is a Crank Handle. 
Take the Crank Handle. Go on to the Ferry and use the Crank Handle to move the Ferry 
across the River. Move to the Entrance of the Barrow Downs. Speak to Timmy the Dog. 
Leave when it becomes clear he will not let you pass. One day later, returning to 
the ferry, you see a poster that tells of a robbery on the Barrow Downs. When you 
get back to the downs, Timmy has been drugged. Take the drugged beef from his bowl. 
Move to the Entrance of Edam. Throw the Drugged Beef over the outer wall of Edam. 
This allows you to Enter the Town of Edam. Move to the Inn in Edam. Take a room out 
for the night. In doing so, you may see the register. Sign this and take it with 
you. The overnight stay will replenish your health. Once in the Inn move to the 
Airing cupboard. In the Airing Cupboard is a Big Orange Cat - It is 'kin'ard! Defeat 
the Cat (all 9 lives) and take the White Sheet. Go to the Bedroom and look at the 
bed, then take the Hand Mirror. Go back to the reception of the Inn and take the 
Visitor's Book if you haven't already got it. Exit Edam and wear the white sheet. 
This disguises you as a Barrow Wight!!! Move inside the burial chamber. Dressed as a 
Wight, the Wight who's barrow this is will give you the wedding gift in a neighborly 
gesture. After receiving this item (The Wedding Gift) move to the Entrance of 
Rivendull. At the Entrance of Rivendull the Wedding Gift and Invitation are checked 
by the Guard - This allows you in. Go and see Don Elrondo. He thanks you for the 
Wedding Gift for his Daughter and, after a brief chat, gives you the Hamster. But: 
If you happen to choose the wrong conversation option with Don Elrondo you will 
chucked out of his office. A new character called the Annoying Italian will appear. 
You will have to kill him(You will enjoy it) to regain access to Don Elrondo. Leave 
Rivendull Go back through Kalibre Pass - HA! lost some more of your health AGAIN. On 
this return trip remember to pick up the Ice. Return to De Lorean and go to the Hut 
Throne room. In De Lorean, blackmail the Queen about her reckless infidelity by 
mentioning the register and the hand-mirror. The Queen will then give you the bleach 
or a weapon or a spell (take the bleach).

If you happen to have messed up the conversation previously with the Queen the 
bleach will have relocated(that's magic for you) to the shop in Minar Tragedy . This 
is true for all the items that can be lost due stupid conversational option 
choosing. Mind you this is only true for items of questing importence. If the item 
is not essential to the completion of the quest then, tough luck buckaroo you can 
never get it. Hahahahahahahahahaha. Talk to the King O' De Lorean and discover his 
hot beverage problem. Give him the Ice. The King will be most pleased and present 
you with the Big Wrench. Find Terrence (He could be anywhere) and give him the 
Yellow Fellow and he will give you the Magic Microphone. Return to Flake Town and 
give the Microphone to Elfis. He will now be able to speak and through the 
conversation he will gratefully give you tickets to a show. From the show, you will 
be given the plunger. From now on you need not use Kalibre Pass to access the west 
side of the map. Use the plunger on the blocked toilet at the back of the Moronica 
Tavern in Moronica Caves. Use the bleach in the toilet - this clears the Sewer Lake. 
Move through Moronica and out the other side, then past the clear Sewer Lake. You 
now have access to all the west side of the map. This process also works on the very 
public toilet in Road with Toilet. The eastbound trip requires you to use the access 
card on the crack in the door of the western entrance to Moronica. Move to the 
Backwoods and then to the Big Dark Tower O' Backwoods. Use the Hamster on the 
letterbox to clear the Junk Mail from the Door. Go upstairs and retrieve the 
Palantire. Place the Palantire in the Empty Box - you know, the one you had the 
donuts in. Outside the tower there is a For Sale sign. Look at the sign and discover 
a phone number. Use the Mobile phone to call this number - it is the Estate Agents. 
They will give you some details that contain clues as to the Plumbing of the Tower 
of Rhitegard. Leave the Tower. Move to Rhitegard. Enter Rhitegard and stand on the 
Stone Tile - this makes a stairway open up to the upper floors. Stand by the Valve 
Control and use the Palantire (Notice the clear Reception - If the Steward was still 
alive there would be loads of interference and you would see nothing through the 
Palantire) Through the Palantire you can see Marshghast When he moves to the toilet 
use the Big Spanner on the Valve Control. This will project Marshghast into the 
Upper Reaches of the Atmosphere and as such kill him removing him from the game. 
Move up the stairs to the First Floor. Take the saber o' light. Move up to the 
Helipad on top of Rhitegard. On the Helipad is a Sheep. Take the Sheep. Move to the 
Salon in Flake Town. Get the Hair stylist to give the Sheep a Short back and sides. 
Take the Wool and leave the Salon. Find Granny and give her the Wool. She will then 
knit you a Woolen Underthings set.

If , perchance, you happened to have messed up the conversation with the Granny 
previously she will have left the game and the Woolem Underthings would have 
relocated to the shop in Minar Tragedy . This is true for all the items that can be 
lost due stupid conversational option choosing. Mind you this is only true for items 
of questing importence. If the item is not essential to the completion of the quest 
then, tough luck buckaroo you can never get it. Hahahahahahahahahaha. Take the 
Woolen Underthings Set and give it to one of the Random Elves in either Backwoods or 
the De Lorean side of the River. The Random Elf will give you the Elven Gift 
Voucher. Move through Kalibre Pass or Moronica and back to Rivendull. Give the Elven 
Gift Voucher to one of the Elven Guards. This is payment to take out the contract on 
the Dragon. The Dragon will now be brutally gunned down by the Elven Mafia. You get 
all the treasure and live happily ever after.

End of Quest 1

2) The Magnificent 7-11 Quest 
The objective is to recruit a bunch o' hard lads & defend Flake Town against an 
invasion. The characters to recruit are: 
1) Super Gingerbread Hero 
2) Balrog 
3) Elvis Golem 
4) Small Caged Beastie 
5) Conrad The Barbarian 6) Goliath 
7) Three Bloke

We start this portentous & prophetic quest in Flake Town; Shah-Ron in Flake Town 
Square 1, Thidney in Flake Town Square 2 Move to the Toilet in the Flake Town 
Tavern. In the toilet is Conrad the Barbarian. He has just been caught short & has 
no toilet paper. Talk to Conrad and tell him you will get some toilet paper for him. 
Go and speak to Granny. Persuade Granny to leave, then steal the child-in-a-cage. Go 
to the Ally behind the Disco and pick up the Sack. Go to the Inn in Flake Town and 
place the sack over the parrot and take it. Move to the Ferry in Flake Town and give 
the parrot to the ferryman, he turns into a Pirate. He will now take you across to 
Baker's Isle. On the Baker Side of the Jetty there is a Water Elemental. Talk to the 
Water Elemental and get him to turn the Water Wheel - This powers the Baker's Ovens. 
Enter the Baker's House. You are then attacked by the Gingerbread Men. Release the 
Child-in-a-Cage, he will consume all the Gingerbread Men and then leap into a chest. 
Go into the Baker's Central room, this is where the Mad Baker is. How you get the 
Donut depends on which character you are: Shah-Ron: If you are Shah-Ron the Baker 
will engage you in friendly but inane conversation and then give you the Donuts for 
free. Thidney: If you are Thidney then the Baker will run screaming and hide under 
the stairs. The donuts will be conveniently left behind on a crate or in a cupboard. 
Take the Rope from the wall. In the cupboard there are plans for a Super Gingerbread 
Man. (This is a clue, meant to inspire you to thinking - 'Hmmm, some plans for how 
to create a SUPER Gingerbread Man, I bet he would be really hard. I wouldn't mind 
him on my side........Hey why don't I try and make one!!) Talk to the ferryman and 
return to Flake Town. Go to the 70's Policeman on the Structurally Insecure Pier. 
Talk to the Policeman and give him the donuts. He will greedily consume them, whilst 
gaining incredible amounts of weight. The Pier will break underneath his excessive 
weight and he will fall to a grisly rip-tide death. When he does drop to his death 
his sunglasses will fall onto the Pier. Pick up the Sunglasses. You now have the 
Trendai Glasses(mirrored). Move to the 70's Costume Hire Shop. You must the choose 
the correct costume for the character you have assumed. Now you are correctly 
attired move to the 70's Disco. The correct costume allows you past the Bouncer and 
into the Disco. In the Disco is a dancing competition. You must win this competition 
to gain the Golden Platform Shoes. To win the Competition you will need help. The 
ideal help here is the Talisman O' Dancing, currently in the possession of the Disco 
King. To gain the Talisman O' Dancing you must pummel the Disco King's head in. This 
violent act must take place outside, beyond the watchful gaze of the Bouncer.

Each character has its own subtle, nay wily, process of relieving the Disco King of 
his prized possession: Shah-Ron: Shah-Ron talks to the Disco King, suggesting that 
they nip outside for a quickie. The Disco King follows her out, where she beats him 
to death and takes the talisman. Thidney: This is where Thidney's grotesque 
appearance is a definite plus. Thidney slides his slimy way over to the Disco King. 
Before Thidney can even sit down and engage the Disco King in a friendly 
conversation about how he would like to the borrow the Talisman for a princely wad 
O' cash the Disco King runs screaming and gibbering out of the Disco, dropping the 
Talisman in his hurry to escape the putrid figure that approaches him. Now you have 
the magical Talisman O' Dancing. On the dancefloor, use the Talisman and all goes 
blank. You let go and sink into a spiralling hole in your mind. You eventually gain 
consciousness, you have won the dancing competition and have the Golden Platform 
shoes. Tales of your dancing prowess becomes stuff of bards tales and legends. The 
Golden Platform Shoes are for recruiting Goliath. Now move from Flake Town to the 
Gorgon's Valley. At the start of the Valley is a statue of a Guy looking through a 
pair of binoculars at the Gorgon's Cave. If you are Thidney, then next to him is the 
Big Book O' Spells; take this. At the entrance to the Cave there are various statues 
of previous heroes attempting to enter the Gorgon's Cave.If you are playing Shah-
Ron, on the ground next to one is the Dirty Great Axe, take this. There is the sword 
o' normalness here. Take it! Enter the Gorgon's Cave. You will automatically wear 
the Trendai Glasses. The Gorgon will stare at you with intent of turning you into 
stone. Your trusty Trendai Glasses will reflect the Gorgon's stare straight back at 
her and she will turn to stone. You now have full access to the Gorgon's Cave. In 
the cave is a Cooker. Look at the cooker to find a High Steward Action Figure! You 
take the Action Figure. Also in the cave is a bed with a statue of a man lying down 
with a cigarette in his hand. Next to him, on the floor is a paper bag. - Pick up 
the paper bag. Wander now to Backwoods, where you will find a mobile phone hanging 
from a tree. Take this. Nearby you will find a pair of spats (which you should look 
at to obtain a security card) and a list of instructions (which you can take). Now 
to Recruit Balrog! Move through Backwoods and then De Lorean and then to the back 
entrance of Moronica. Find the cave with the big chasm. Tie the rope to the rock. 
When Balrog arrives, use the rope'n'rock, thus tying the rope to Balrog's tooth. The 
boulder will then plummet to the bottom of the Chasm and take Balrog's bad tooth out 
with it. He is now a grateful fellow and available for recruitment.

Move to Minar Tragedy, enter the Inn and play the Maze of Frustration game - play to 
win. When you have won the Maze game you get a little yellow fellow as a prize. Go 
to the House of the Rising Bun in Minar Tragedy. Place the sword o' normalness in 
the Vat O' Dough. Wait a little and then take the weapon shaped French stick. Go in 
to the Throne room, surrendering all obvious weapons, then use the bread-sheathed 
weapon to kill the tiny High Steward. (The reason for killing the Steward is that it 
will clear the reception of the Palantire). Clean up the remains of the steward with 
the paper bag from the Gorgon's cave. Place the Kingdom O' Magic Action Figure of 
the Steward on to the Throne, then leave. You now have to find Terrence. He starts 
of in the Kalibre Pass - but he can wander everywhere - so he could be anywhere now! 
Once you find Terrence give him the Yellow Fellow. He will then give you the Magic 
Microphone (which you need for recruiting Elfis). From Minar Tragedy move back to De 
Lorean. From De Lorean move to the east side of Kalibre Pass. Go through Kalibre 
Pass - HA! lost some Health. Move to the Trolls' Cave and during the day (watch out 
for Trolls(Use the spell O' Incontinence or spell O' Left the gas on to turn the 
evil Trolls aside). Get the Wedding List / Invitation. Go to the abandoned car and 
take the crank handle. Go on to the Ferry and use the Crank Handle to move the Ferry 
across the River. Move to the Entrance of the Barrow Downs. Speak to Timmy the Dog. 
He will not let you through. Head on back to the ferry. The next day, you will see a 
poster by the ferry telling of a robbery at the Barrow Downs. Return to there and 
take the drugged beef from Timmy's bowl.

Move to the Entrance of Edam. Throw the Drugged Beef over the outer wall of Edam. 
This puts the guards to sleep and allows you to Enter the Town of Edam. Move to the 
Inn in Edam. Take a room out for the night, remembering to sign and take the 
register. The overnight stay will replenish your health. Once in the Inn, locate the 
Airing cupboard. In the Airing Cupboard is a Big Orange Cat - It is 'ard as nails. 
Defeat the Cat (all 9 lives) and take the White Sheet and the Duvet. Go to the 
Bedroom and look at the bed to find the Hand Mirror Move down to the Wine cellar and 
take the Large Cork. Exit Edam and wear the White Sheet. This disguises you as a 
Barrow Wight. Move to the Bearing Downs. Enter the burial chamber. The Barrow Wight 
who owns the burial chamber will give you the wedding gift. Once you have this item 
move to the Entrance of Rivendull. At the Entrance of Rivendull present the 
Invitation and Wedding Gift to the Guard - This allows you in. Go and see Don 
Elrondo.He thanks you for the Wedding Gift for his Daughter and, after a little 
conversation, gives you the Hamster. Leave Rivendull. Go back through Kalibre Pass - 
HA! lost more health. On this return trip remember to pick up the Ice. Return to De 
Lorean.

Go to the Throne room hut. In De Lorean blackmail the Queen with the register and 
the mirror. She will give you a weapon / spell / bottle of lavatory cleaner. If you 
happen to have messed up the conversation previously with the Queen the bleach will 
have relocated(that's magic for you) to the shop in Minar Tragedy . This is true for 
all the items that can be lost due stupid conversational option choosing. Mind you 
this is only true for items of questing importence. If the item is not essential to 
the completion of the quest then, tough luck buckaroo you can never get it. 
Hahahahahahahahahaha. Now talk to the King O' De Lorean and discover his hot 
beverage problem. Give him the Ice. The King will be most pleased and present you 
with the Big Wrench. Before leaving De Lorean, find the gnomes and stomp on them to 
get the Tubberware. Move to the Backwoods and then to the Big Dark Tower O' 
Backwoods. Use the Hamster to clear the Junk Mail from the Door. Go upstairs and 
retrieve the Palantire. Place the Palantire in the Empty Box left over from the 
donuts. Outside, check the number on the For-Sale Sign. Phone this number for some 
clues regarding the plumbing of Rhitegard.

Leave the Tower. Move to Rhitegard. Enter Rhitegard and stand on the Stone Tile. - 
this makes a stairway open up to the upper floors. Stand by the Valve Control and 
use the Palantire. Through the Palantire you can see Marshghast. When he moves to 
the toilet use the Big Wrench on the Valve Control. This will project Marshghast 
into the Upper Reaches of the Atmosphere and as such kill him removing him from the 
game. Move up the stairs to the First Floor.

Take the sabre o' light. Take the jar o' lightning. Move up to the Helipad on top of 
Rhitegard. On the Helipad is the Small Caged Beastie. Open the Cage through 
conversation with the Beastie and recruit the Beastie. Move back down the Tower and 
head for the Top O' the Falls. There will be a Barrel at the Top O' the Falls. Line 
the barrel with the Duvet. Seal it with the Big Cork, then get in. Go over the falls 
in the Barrel. Half way down the falls you will drop into a secret cave and you 
clamber out of the barrel. In the cave is the Potassium Grail. Encase the Grail with 
the Tupperware and take it. Get back in the Barrel and drop to the Bottom O' the 
Falls.

Move back up to Flake Town. Find Elfis and give the microphone to him. He will 
rediscover his voice and you can then recruit him. Go to King Afro's Pad and give 
him the Potassium Grail. He then gives you the Carte Blanche. Move back into the Inn 
and then to the Toilet. Give the Carte Blanche to Conrad and then Recruit him. If 
you make a mistake in the conversation (dur) Conrad will rush off to Moronica Caves 
where you can have another go at recruiting him (you can't fail twice). Talk to the 
ferryman and return to Baker's Island. On the baker's jetty, use the Jar O' 
Lightning - and watch with delight as the Lightning arcs upwards and hits the 
lightning rod. This charges the Capacitor. The Baker will show you the plans for the 
SuperGingerbread Hero and then leaves the rest for you to do. Use the Rolling Pin on 
the dough to create a flat bit of dough. Use the cutter on the flat dough to create 
an uncooked gingerbread man. Use the uncooked gingerbread man with the oven to 
create the cooked gingerbread man. Now, you will be ready to do the following: Pull 
the switch and electricity floods from the Capacitor and makes the gingerbread Man 
grow and come alive. We now have the Super Gingerbread Man. Recruit him. Again if 
you make ANOTHER mistake and select the wrong conversation option The Ginge Hero 
will run off to the bakers in Minar Tragedy where he is once again recruitable. He 
will then wander off in the direction of the Flake Town Inn. There a 2 other 
characters to recruit: Three Bloke Goliath These two are Mobile Characters, so if 
you see them before now and have satisfied the appropriate conditions then recruit 
them. The conditions for each character are: Tree Bloke - There are none just talk 
to him Goliath - must give him the Platform Shoes

End of Quest 2

3) The Bizarre and Slightly Twisted Quest 
The Objective? To find the Lost Lava Lamp Of The Ancients and Relight It! 
If you are Shah-Ron, you doth start this wondrous adventure on the Flake Town Bridge 
If you are Thidney, you doth start this wondrous adventure on the shore near Flake 
Town. Go to the Wig Shop and purchase a special-offer wig. Use this wig as 
protection for when you enter the salon. At the Salon get the Brochure O' Sun, Sea & 
Tomfoolery. Talk to the terribly camp hairdresser and you will receive a dreadful 
haircut, and some hairspray to maintain the fine style. Return to the Salon and take 
the spare hair. Return to the Wig shop and trade the spare hair for the sign. Go to 
the Ally behind the Disco and pick up the Sack. Go to the Inn in Flake Town and 
place the sack over the parrot and take it. Speak to the innkeeper and trade the 
sign for the lighter. Use the lighter with the hairspray to make the flame-thrower. 
Move to the Ferry in Flake Town and give the parrot to the ferryman, he turns into a 
Pirate. You can now ask him to take you across to Baker's Isle. Enter the Baker's 
Hall. You will find the donuts lying around inside. Take them. Leave Baker's Isle 
and return to Flake Town proper. On the structurally insecure pier, give the donuts 
to the 70's policeman. The Policeman will greedily consume all the donuts, whilst 
gaining incredible amounts of weight. The Pier will break underneath his excessive 
weight and he will fall to a grisly rip-tide death. His sunglasses will fall onto 
the Pier. Pick up the Sunglasses. You now have the Trendai Glasses (mirrored). There 
should also be a Book Of Knots here which you should take. Now move from Flake Town 
to the Gorgon's Valley. At the start of the Valley is a statue of a Guy looking 
through a pair of binoculars at the Gorgon's Cave. If you are playing Thidney, then 
next to him is the Big Book O' Spells, take this. At the entrance to the Cave there 
are various statues of previous heroes attempting to enter the Gorgon's Cave. If you 
are Shah-Ron, on the ground next to one is the Dirty Great Axe, take this. The sword 
o' normalness is here. Take this. Enter the Gorgon's Cave. When you go into the 
Gorgon's cave, your character will automatically wear the Trendai Glasses. The 
Gorgon will appear and stare at you with intent of turning you into stone. Your 
trusty Trendai Glasses will reflect the Gorgon's stare straight back at her and she 
will turn to stone. Your character removes the sunglasses. You now have full access 
to the Gorgon's Cave. In the cave is a Cooker. Use the Cooker and you will discover 
that it contains a small KOM action figure that looks just like the High Steward. 
You take this. Also in the cave is a bed with a statue of a man lying down with a 
cigarette in his hand. Next to him, on the floor is a paper bag. - Pick up the paper 
bag. Leave the Gorgon's Valley and move to Backwoods. Find a smoking pair of spats. 
Look at the spats to get the security card. Also take the mobile phone and list of 
instructions from nearby. Go to the location with the spiders. Use the flame-thrower 
on them to make the giant raisins. Take the giant raisins. Use the Book Of Knots on 
the knotted web to release the cow. Take the cow. We must now find Jack. He wanders 
about a bit, but is usually to be found somewhere in the vicinity of the Kalibre 
Pass. Once you find Jack, talk to him and trade your cow for his magic beans. Head 
for Moronica and explore the various caves to find a pile of hay. Take this hay with 
you and plot a course for Dimwit Dale. In Dimwit Dale, feed hay to the horse which 
will then provide a pile of manure. Plant the beans in this pile of manure and they 
will grow into a mighty beanstalk. Climb up the beanstalk and enter the giant's 
kitchen. Speak to the Giant and give her the giant raisins for her cake. She will 
give you the giant candle. Go to the Bakers (in Minar Tragedy). Place your sword o' 
normalness in the Vat O' Dough. Wait a little and then purchase the weapon shaped 
French stick. Go on up to the palace, surrendering all your weapons to the guards. 
Go into the Throne room and break bread with the High Steward, thus revealing your 
weapon. Use this weapon to kill the Steward!! (The reason for killing the Steward 
was to clear reception on the Palantire later on - all will become clear). In 
killing the High Steward you should gain his small key! Clean up the remains of the 
steward with the paper bag. Place the Kingdom O' Magic Action Figure of the Steward 
on to the Throne, then leave. From Minar Tragedy move back to De Lorean. From De 
Lorean move to the east side of Kalibre Pass. Go through Kalibre Pass - HA! lost 
some of your Health. Move to the Trolls' Cave and use the Brochure O' Sun, Sea & 
Tomfoolery on the Trolls. - This turns them to stone. Get the Wedding List / 
Invitation List. Continue along the Great Western Road until you find an abandoned 
car. On the car is a Crank Handle. Take the Crank Handle. Go on to the Ferry and use 
the Crank Handle to move the Ferry across the River. Move to the Entrance of the 
Barrow Downs. Speak to Timmy the Dog. Leave when it becomes clear he will not let 
you pass. One day later, returning to the ferry, you see a poster that tells of a 
robbery on the Bearing Downs. When you get back to the downs, Timmy has been 
drugged. Take the drugged beef from his bowl. Move to the Entrance of Edam. Throw 
the Drugged Beef over the outer wall of Edam. This allows you to Enter the Town of 
Edam. Move to the Inn in Edam. Take a room out for the night. In doing so, you may 
see the register. Sign this and take it with you. The overnight stay will replenish 
your health. Once in the Inn move to the Airing cupboard. In the Airing Cupboard is 
a white sheet. Take this. Go to the Bedroom and look at the bed, then take the Hand 
Mirror. Go back to the reception of the Inn and take the Visitor's Book if you 
haven't already got it. Exit Edam and wear the White sheet. This disguises you as a 
Barrow White. Move inside the burial chamber. Dressed as a Wight, the Wight who's 
barrow this is will give you the wedding gift in a neighborly gesture. Once you have 
this item (The Wedding Gift) move to the Entrance of Rivendull. At the Entrance of 
Rivendull the Wedding Gift and Invitation are checked by the Guard - This allows you 
in. Go and see Don Elrondo. He thanks you for the Wedding Gift for his Daughter and, 
after a brief chat, gives you the Hamster. But: If you happen to choose the wrong 
conversation option with Don Elrondo you will chucked out of his office. A new 
character called the Annoying Italian will appear. You will have to kill him(You 
will enjoy it) to regain access to Don Elrondo. Leave Rivendull Go back through 
Kalibre Pass - HA! lost some of your health AGAIN. On this return trip remember to 
pick up the Ice.

Return to De Lorean. In De Lorean, blackmail the Queen about her reckless infidelity 
by mentioning the register and the hand-mirror. The Queen will then give you the 
bleach or a weapon or a spell (take the bleach). If you happen to have messed up the 
conversation previously with the Queen the bleach will have relocated(that's magic 
for you) to the shop in Minar Tragedy . This is true for all the items that can be 
lost due stupid conversational option choosing. Mind you this is only true for items 
of questing importence. If the item is not essential to the completion of the quest 
then, tough luck buckaroo you can never get it. Hahahahahahahahahaha. Talk to the 
King O' De Lorean and discover his hot beverage problem. Give him the Ice. The King 
will be most pleased and present you with the Big Wrench. Move to the Backwoods and 
then to the Big Dark Tower O' Backwoods. Use the Hamster on the letterbox to clear 
the Junk Mail from the Door. Go upstairs and retrieve the Palantire. Place the 
Palantire in the Empty Box - you know, the one you had the donuts in. Outside the 
tower there is a For Sale sign. Look at the sign and discover a phone number. Use 
the Mobile phone to call this number - it is the Estate Agents. They will give you 
some details that contain clues as to the Plumbing of the Tower of Rhitegard. Leave 
the Tower. Move to Rhitegard. Enter Rhitegard and stand on the Stone Tile - this 
makes a stairway open up to the upper floors. Stand by the Valve Control and use the 
Palantire (Notice the clear Reception - If the Steward was still alive there would 
be loads of interference and you would see nothing through the Palantire). Through 
the Palantire you can see Marshghast When he moves to the toilet use the Big Spanner 
on the Valve Control. This will project Marshghast into the Upper Reaches of the 
Atmosphere and as such kill him removing him from the game. Move up the stairs to 
the First Floor. Take the saber o' light. Take the stilt plans. Go to the Dwarven 
Halls O' Stuff in Dwarf Mountain. Speak to the Head Dwarf and Give him the stilt 
plans. He will go away, leaving you to look after the dwarven riches. Pinch his 
asbestos suit and the Steam powered Chainsaw ,then head South with the birds! In the 
fields outside Minar Tragedy you will find an eye-on-a-stick. Take this. Go to the 
elevator. Use the small key to unlock all floors and select the middle floor. Once 
in Kori-Dor, use the side entrance to get into the watch-tower and use the eye-on-a-
stick with the retina-scanner. You can now proceed safely up to the 1st floor. On 
the 1st floor, take the orc disguise and wear it. You can now move through Kori-Dor 
unmolested. Move to the Dark Tower and ring the Dark Lord's doorbell three times. 
The orc guarding Mount Boom will be called to guard the front door. You can now 
enter Mount Boom without trouble. Use the Asbestos Armour and then the Giant candle, 
a Voila the lava- lamp is relit! Hurrah!

The End
                                                                ~CheatMan~

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