Grand Theft Auto: Vice City FAQ/Walkthrough - Guide for Grand Theft Auto: Vice City
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(Thanks to Asc2377 and THAguyINgta3)
Game: Grand Theft Auto: Vice City
Platform: Playstation 2
Genre: Action/Adventure
Creator: Rockstar
Developer: Rockstar North
Author of this FAQ: Little_Jewell
E-mail: arminjewell(at)yahoo(dot)com
Version of the FAQ: 3.8
==================
TABLE OF CONTENTS
==================
1. Revision History
2. Copyright Information
3. Introduction
4. Basic Controls and Strategies
a. Controls
b. Police
c. Asset Properties
d. Non-Asset Properties/Save Houses
e. Robbing Shops
f. Clothes/Outfits
g. Requirements for 100%
5. Story
6. Characters
a. Characters
b. Gangs
7. Missions Walkthrough
a. Ken Rosenburg
i. AN OLD FRIEND
ii. THE PARTY
iii. BACK ALLEY BRAWL
iv. JURY FURY
v. RIOT
b. Colonel Cortez
vi. TREACHEROUS SWINE
vii. MALL SHOOTOUT
viii. GUARDIAN ANGELS
ix. SIR, YES SIR!
x. ALL HANDS ON DECK
c. Ricardo Diaz
xi. THE CHASE
xii. PHNOM PENH '86
xiii. THE FASTEST BOAT
ivx. SUPPLY & DEMAND
d. Tommy Vercetti
xv. DEATH ROW
xvi. RUB OUT
xvii. SHAKEDOWN
xviii. BAR BRAWL
xix. COPLAND
e. Final Missions
xx. CAP THE COLLECTOR
xxi. KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE...
f. Extra Missions
i. Avery Carrington
a. FOUR IRON
b. DEMOLITION MAN
c. TWO BIT HIT
ii. Rock Band: Love Fist
d. LOVE JUICE
e. PSYCHO KILLER
f. PUBLICITY TOUR
iii. Bikers: "Big" Mitch Baker
g. ALLOY WHEELS OF STEEL
h. MESSING WITH THE MAN
i. HOG TIED
iv. Assassinations (Phone Missions)
j. ROAD KILL
k. WASTE THE WIFE
l. AUTOCIDE
m. CHECK OUT AT THE CHECK-IN
n. LOOSE ENDS
v. Cubans: Umberto
o. STUNT BOAT CHALLENGE
p. CANNON FODDER
q. NAVAL ENGAGEMENT
r. TROJAN VOODOO
vi. Haitians: Auntie Poulet
s. JUJU SCRAMBLE
t. BOMBS AWAY!
u. DIRTY LICKIN"S
g. Asset Missions
viii. Porn Empire: Steve Scott
a. RECRUITMENT DRIVE
b. DILDO DODO
c. MARTHA"S MUG SHOT
d. G-SPOTLIGHT
ix. Boatyard: Checkpoint Race
e. CHECKPOINT CHARLIE
x. Kaufman Cab
f. V.I.P.
g. FRIENDLY RIVALRY
h. CABMAGEDDON
xi. The Malibu: Bank Heist
i. NO ESCAPE?
j. THE SHOOTIST
k. THE DRIVER
l. THE JOB
xii. Phil Cassidy: Gun Warehouse
m. GUN RUNNER
n. BOOMSHINE SAIGON
xiii. Print Works: Counterfeiting
o. SPILLING THE BEANS
p. HIT THE COURIER
h. Game Script
8. Odd Jobs
a. "R3 Missions"
b. The Arena
c. Cone Crazy
d. RC Missions
e. Shooting Range
f. Street Races and Stolen Cars
g. PCJ Playground
h. Chopper Missions
i. Test Track/Trial By Dirt
j. Beach Ball Game
9. Vehicles
a. Cars/Trucks
b. Motorcycles
c. Planes
d. Boats
e. Vehicle Statistics
f. Rare Cars
10. Weapons and Items
a. Slot 1
b. Slot 2
c. Slot 3
d. Slot 4
e. Slot 5
f. Slot 6
g. Slot 7
h. Slot 8
i. Slot 9
j. Slot 10
k. Items
l. Weapon Statistics
11. Hidden Packages
a. Locations
b. Directions
12. Unique Jumps
13. Rampages
14. Locations
15. Radio Stations
16. Miscellaneous
a. Made Up Missions
b. Fun Things To Do
c. Challenges
d. Glitches
17. Cheat Codes
a. Push-Button Cheats
b. GameShark Codes
c. Miscellaneous Codes
18. Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
19. Credits
===================
1. Version History
===================
3.8 March 13, 2003 I added the K-Chat script, and a couple more contributions.
3.7 March 4, 2003 I added the game script.
3.6 March 2, 2003 I added the script for Flash FM and contributions.
3.5 March 1, 2003 I added a script for Emotion 98.3, and I am looking to get all
of them soon. I also added many contributions, thanks guys keep them coming.
3.4 February 14, 2003 Happy Valentines Day! I updated the rampages section
because so many people e-mailed me on how to get there, so I did that. Oh yeah,
could I forget contributions?
3.3 February 10, 2003 Added some more contributions.
3.2 February 6, 2003 Added a whole new section on the statistics of weapons,
pretty cool, all thanks to Psy.
3.1 February 4, 2003 Updated some more stuff in the Rampages section, and added
some stuff in Unique Jumps. Also added a couple more contributions.
3.0 February 2, 2003 I realized that there will not be a final version to this
FAQ for a LOOONNNG time. Added some new stuff thanks to THAguyINgta3. I created a
new section on my own, I need LOTS of contributions for this one, please, contribute
fun things to do or challenges.
2.9 February 1, 2003 More contributions, they are still coming.
2.8 January 24, 2003 I added the last thing my FAQ needed, information on the
rare cars, a new FAQ section, and some last minute contributions.
2.7 January 22, 2003 This should be the last version, and after you see this, I
will not accept any more e-mails. I added the rest of the vehicle locations.
2.6 January 20, 2003 I added some new information in vehicles and locations. I
also got directions for the packages. I will update a couple more times for
contributions and I also need to get the rest of the locations, maybe some rare cars
too.
2.5 January 17, 2003 I added information for the Arena, and a new mini-game is
added. Hidden Packages on the to-do list.
2.4 January 14, 2003 Added a couple more contributions, I will work on the
Hidden Packages next, specifically the directions to each one. I also added as many
GameShark codes as I could find, due to some demand.
2.35 - January 2, 2003 - Added some more contributions.
2.3 - January 1, 2003 - Happy New Year! I finished the Hidden
Packages, and now all that I have to do is give you the directions. I am thinking
of putting in car locations soon.
2.2 - December 21, 2002 - Did the Hidden Packages section numbers 1-50.
I won't be updating cause it is the holidays, so don't except any fast updates past
this one.
2.1 - December 19, 2002 - Finished the Locations section, added the Health, Armor,
and Police Bribes in it. Pretty much done with the FAQ, just need the hidden
packages.
2.0 - December 18, 2002 - Finished the neglected characters section that I forgot
about for so long, and I added a glitches section, and finished that, except that
I'm taking contributions for it. I'm having second thoughts about the map, it would
be too complicated and it would just confuse people. I will try my best to describe
its location anyway.
1.9 - December 16, 2002 - Finished the unique jumps, added some more contributions,
thanks guys. I also did some more stuff in the Locations section. More stuff
coming soon, including those maps I promised.
1.8 - December 13, 2002 - Did the vehicle stats for the rest of the vehicles. Also
I added a really cool ASCII art at the top, check it out. Also changed the TBC, made
it more elaborate. I started a new section called Locations, kind of general.
1.7 - December 10, 2002 - Did the vehicle stats for the cars/trucks.
Whew! Still got to do the other vehicles, coming soon. Again, more contributions,
thanks guys keep them coming.
1.6 - November 30, 2002 - Finished the extra missions and almost all the odd jobs, I
still need to add some stuff about the Arena. I forgot to mention I added the
rampages the last update. My next big task is to sort out the vehicle stats. Oh, I
almost forgot, I got many contributions again.
1.5 - November 24, 2002 - Finished some more side missions. Changed the TPC a
little. Added a lot of the vehicle locations, thanks to
Jamie Ivany. Now I'll focus on the extra stuff.
1.4 - November 11, 2002 - Added some ASCII art, did some more extra missions and
many contributions, thank you very much for those.
1.3 - November 9, 2002 - Contributions again, got a HUGE contribution from Gaius in
the vehicles section. Check it out its pretty cool. It will be put into better
understandable information once I understand it. :) Got through all of the Biker
missions.
1.2 - November 6, 2002 - More corrections and contributions, finished the main
missions, and some of the side missions.
1.1 - November 4, 2002 - Added some corrections, added a section in the basics, and
finished the items. New ASCII art. A big update coming soon.
1.0 - November 2, 2002 - First version of the FAQ, created mostly all parts, started
the vehicles, weapons, cheat codes, characters, gangs, story, controls and
introduction, part of the walkthrough, and the cheats. I will update the
walkthrough as I go through the game. Did the ASCII art also.
=========================
2. Copyright Information
=========================
This document is protected by US Copyright Law, and the Berne Copyright Convention
of 1976. It is for private and personal use only--it cannot be reprinted in part or
in whole, or reproduced in any way or in any form (written or otherwise). It is a
free document that cannot be used in any sort of commercial transaction, including
selling it or giving it away as a gift. This FAQ cannot be referenced, altered, or
used by anybody (including webmasters, publishers, and magazine staff) without my
expressed written permission. This FAQ was created and is owned by me, Armin Jewell
. All copyrights and trademarks are acknowledged
and respected that are not specifically mentioned herein. This document is
copyrighted 2002-2003 by Armin Jewell.
================
3. Introduction
================
This is an awesome game. Now I think this game had WAY too much hype about it, it
only has one city! There aren't as many missions and things to do. It is sort of a
mini-version of GTA3, but it is expanded. You can now fly helicopters; there are
more cars, weapons, characters, and better graphics. While it doesn't have the
amount of gameplay that GTA3 does and it isn't as groundbreaking, it is still a
Grand Theft Auto game and that means it is awesome. Okay, a little information
about e-mail. I'm sorry if I can't answer all of your questions because I have a
busy schedule and I still will try my best to update this FAQ as much as possible.
I probably won't know much more then my FAQ says, but you are welcome to ask. If I
don't know, I will respond, but I will simply say that I don't know. NO HATE
MAILS! PLEASE READ THE GUIDE BEFORE ASKING QUESTIONS! I will simply delete any e-
mail that is answered in the FAQ. Just don't do it and we will be all peachy. Also,
DON'T SEND ME SPAM. Please, just don't do it. NOTE: *This FAQ contains spoilers,
so read at your own risk!!*
=================================
4. Basic Controls and Strategies
=================================
This is pretty much all said in the manual, but I will say it here for the sake of
my guide. They are just some common sense tips about the game.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
a. Controls
~~~~~~~~~~~~
-----------------
Controls on Foot
-----------------
D-Pad or Left Analog Stick - Move around
Right Control Stick - Look in first person mode
Start - Pause
Select - Toggle camera view
X button - Hold to sprint
Square button- Jump
Circle button- Fire/Use current weapon
Triangle button - Enter/steal vehicle
L1 - Center camera
L2 - Change weapon
L3 - Crouch
R1 - Target lock-on
R2 - Change weapon
R3 - Look back
----------------
Controls in Car
----------------
D-Pad/Left and Right Control Stick - Turn vehicle
Start - Pause
Select - Toggle camera view
X button - Accelerate
Square button - Reverse/Stop if moving
Circle button - Drive-by
Triangle button - Exit vehicle/Bail
L1 - Change radio station
L2 - Look left/Stick gun out the window
L3 - Horn
R1 - Handbrake
R2 - Look right/Stick gun out the window
R3 - Side missions (if applicable)
--------------------------------
Controls in Helicopter or Plane
--------------------------------
Control Stick/D-Pad Up - Move forward
Control Stick/D-Pad Down - Move backward
X button - Accelerate/Gain height
Square button - Decrease altitude
Circle button - Fire attached gun (if applicable)
Triangle button - Suicide bail
L2 - Turn right, hold to spin
R2 - Turn left, hold to spin
~~~~~~~~~~
b. Police
~~~~~~~~~~
Many people consider them as regular police. Well, I am here to prove you wrong.
They are their own gang against you in this game. If you don't piss them off they
don't do anything. But if you do piss them off, their whole army, literally, will
come after you.
-One Star * - This means you have pissed them off slightly. This occurs if you run
into them, kill a person walking on the street; steal a car right in front of them,
nothing big. Get rid of it by hiding, or just driving around.
-Two Stars ** - This means you either got in trouble and pushed your luck with the
cops, or you ran one over. Running over a cop, and killing it mind you, will
automatically give you 2 stars! Not good, don't do it unless you want cops on your
tail. To get rid of it, get to the Pay n' Spray or find a police bribe to get it
down to one star, and see above for information on that.
-Three Stars *** - Uh oh. You better start running. Helicopters will come after
you; countless cop cars will fly at you, even roadblocks will be set up. This is a
compilation of things and it only happens unless you either want it to or for some
reason like to run over a lot of people including cops. GET to a PAY N' SPRAY!
-Four Stars **** - I got just one simple word. Run. In a car though. Now you will
have the SWAT team on your butt and helicopters all around and cars and
enforcers...it is not pretty. Usually you get this if you shoot a helicopter down.
Pay N' Spray anybody?
-Five Stars ***** - Now you are asking for it. Getting this far is tough anyway,
now try to survive. Good luck! Everything except a tank will after you for
whatever horrendous things you have done. You must get to a Pay N' Spray or you are
going to die my friend!
-Six Stars ****** - This is suicide. Now tanks will come after you, shooting you
and trying to run over you. If you know from GTA 3, if the tank touches you, you
will explode! Obviously the missiles will make you explode also. I highly doubt
you will survive. Pay N' Spray right away. (That rhymed!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
c. Asset Properties
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You can purchase Asset Properties after Tommy's "Shakedown" mission.
These are places in Vice City you can purchase and gain revenue. There are many
other benefits of this, as well as the fact of getting 100% in the game. Here are
the properties. I have had SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many e-mails about this so I
will address it here since that's where people look I guess. To get the final
missions, you need to buy 5 out of these 8 assets. Then you need to complete all of
their missions. I hope this is clear.
-Boatyard
Cost: $10,000
Location: Viceport
Revenue: Revenue is gained after you complete the mission "Checkpoint
Charlie." Generates a maximum of $2,000 a day.
Benefits: Free boats
-Cherry Popper Ice Cream Factory
Cost: $20,000
Location: Little Haiti
Revenue: Complete "Distribution" to get maximum revenue of $3,000.
Benefits: Ice Cream Delivery Missions
-Kaufman Cabs
Cost: $40,000
Location: Little Haiti
Revenue: $5,000 max per day
Benefits: 3 extra Kaufman taxi missions
-Car Showroom
Cost: $50,000
Location: Little Havana
Revenue: $9,000 max per day
Benefits: Pay N' Spray (not free thanks to JRCbase), Save House, 4 garages, and VC
racer missions.
More Information: To get more maximum income, you can keep on getting cars on the
list and you also get a new car everytime you complete a list. (Thanks to Kevin)
-Print Works
Cost: $70,000
Location: Little Haiti
Revenue: $8,000 after missions completed
Benefits: Missions (VERY IMPORTANT! Completing these will allow your revenue of
this place and to complete the main story missions)
-Film Studio
Cost: $60,000
Location: Prawn Island
Revenue: $7,000 max after missions are completed
Benefits: You gain access to the seaplane only when you have had the studios for
more than a week. (Thanks to ACJPaton)
-The Malibu
Cost: $120,000
Location: Vice Point
Revenue: $10,000 max per day
Benefits: Extra Missions. Thanks to Tony Antora for verification.
-Pole Position
Cost: $30,000 ($600 dollars more to gain max revenue)
Location: Ocean Beach
Revenue: After you spend an additional $600 (You have to stay in the room with the
stripper for about 6 minutes because it takes 5 dollars every 3 seconds remember you
have to spend 600, thanks to Brenden Edwards) $4,000 max per day. If you
consistently go in and out of the first room, the dancers will cycle through
multiple dancers, including the white hat chick, and some girl in red lace
(Contributed by Cory
Brown)
Benefits: ...I think you know what the benefits are of a strip club.
More Information: If you spend another 1000 bucks there, you will yet again increase
your income there. (Thanks to Kevin)
Some additional tips from nick
------------------------------
Heres a tip you might want to put in your guide, is you own property like the
Vercetti estate or the strip club or anything else that will make you money, save
several times then check the places that will make you money, itll have like 10,000
dollars there or more depending how many times you saved.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
d. Non-Asset Properties/Save Houses
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
These are also properties you can buy, but they aren't profitable.
They are used as save points. I think it is pretty cool to have multiple save
points. I will list their price, location, number of garages/helipads and name.
-Elswanko Casa
Location: Vice Point, south of the North Point mall and east of the
Leaf Links North Island.
Features: 1 garage
Price: $8,000
-Links View Apartments
Location: East of Leaf Links Island and west of the police station
Features: 1 garage
Price: $6,000
-Ocean Heights
Location: Farthest south in Ocean Beach
Features: 1 garage
Price: $7,000
-Hyman Condo
Location: One block east of Hyman Memorial Stadium.
Features: 3 garages and one helipad
Price: $14,000
-1102 Washington Street
Location: Across Ken Rosenberg's office in Washington Beach
Features: None
Price: $3,000
-3321 Vice Point
Location: Shoreline north of North Point mall.
Features: None
Price: $2,500
-Skumole Shack
Location: On the rooftop of a building down the street and around the corner from
the Biker Bar.
Features: None
Price: $1,000
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
e. Robbing Shops
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This I think is awesome. You can rob stores for a little extra cash, but more
importantly, to get closer to that goal of 100% completion. Watch out though,
robbing a store sounds the alarm, and the police. To rob the store, simply target,
don't shoot, the cashier and he will fork over the dough. The longer you do it, the
more cash you get. Shoot him afterwards to prevent him from sounding the alarm, but
the police will be on the way anyway. There are 15 stores you can knock off, and I
will list their locations.
-Corner Store - Vice Point
-Dispensary Plus - Vice Point
-Jewelry Store #1 - Vice Point
-Gash - North Point Mall
-Music Store - North Point Mall
-Jewelry Store #2 - North Point Mall
-Hardware Store - North Point Mall
-Bunch of Tools - Washington Beach
-Ryton Aide Pharmacy - Little Haiti
-Pharmacy - Downtown
-Jewelry Store #3 - Downtown
-Cafe Robina - Little Havana (Thanks to [email protected])
-Doughnut Shop - Little Havana
-Laundromat - Little Havana
-Screw This - Little Havana
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
f. Clothes/Outfits
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are 10 outfits in the game, and they are needed to beat parts of the game.
You usually get them from completing a mission, but there are other ways. I will
give you the outfit, where you can get it, and how to get it.
-Street Outfit
Location: Every save house
How To Get It: Complete "Rub Out" mission
-Soiree Outfit
Location: Rafael's
How To Get It: Complete "The Party" mission
-Coveralls
Location: Tooled Up
How To Get It: Complete "Riot" mission
-Country Club Outfit
Location: Golf Course
How To Get It: Complete "Four Iron" mission
-Havana Outfit
Location: Little Havana Streetwear
How To Get It: Complete "Two Bit Hit" mission
-Cop Outfit
Location: Police Station (Washington Beach)
How To Get It: Complete "Cop Land" mission
-Banker Outfit
Location: Malibu Club
How To Get It: Complete "The Job" mission
-Casual Outfit
Location: The Gash
How To Get It: Complete "Treacherous Swine" mission
-Mr. Vercetti Outfit
Location: Collar and Cuffs
How To Get It: Buy "Pole Position" property
-Tracksuit Outfit (Blue and Black)
Location: Jocksport
How To Get It: Complete "Supply and Demand" mission
-Tracksuit Outfit (Crimson)
Location: Laundromat in Little Havana (location of package #72, thanks to Scott W)
How To Get It: Available from the get-go (thanks to JeremyCPA, thanks for
verification by Ted Milker, Killigrew, Brian.J)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
g. Requirements For Getting 100%
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Complete - All Story Missions
- All Extra Missions
- All Odd Jobs
- All 100 Hidden Packages
- All Rampages
- All Unique Jumps
- All Properties Purchased
- All Stores Robbed
Rewards for getting 100% (Contributed by [email protected]): I just completed 100%,
useful bit of info - in other guides it doesn't say this...when u complete 100% u
get 3 limos parked outside your mansion, plus 200 health and armor and 3 body
guards, they await in the room to your left when u come down the stairs from your
save point. (Contributed by Bilbo70000) Vehicles get double health as well.
=========
5. Story
=========
Having just made it back onto the streets of Liberty City after a long stretch in
maximum security, Tommy Vercetti is sent to Vice City by his old boss, Sonny
Forelli. They were understandably nervous about his re-appearance in Liberty City,
so a trip down south seemed like a good idea. But all does not go smoothly upon his
arrival in the glamorous, hedonistic metropolis of Vice City. He's set up and is
left with no money and no merchandise. Sonny wants his money back, but the biker
gangs, Cuban gangsters, and corrupt politicians stand in his way. Most of Vice City
seems to want Tommy dead. His only answer is to fight back and take over the city
himself.
As a major gateway to South America and the Caribbean and attracting migrants, Vice
City is brimming with driverse characters, so there's a friend for everyone. It is a
sociable place and the new guy in town is sure to meet all manner of friendly people
in the sunshine capital of America. Athletes, pop stars, real estate developers,
politicians, trailer trash, everyone is moving to Vice City to find out what makes
it the number one growth city in America. But, as Tommy quickly finds out, trust is
still the rarest of commodities.
GTA: Vice City is not a sequel to GTA3. It's not a prequel either. Vice City is it's
own game and story. It takes place in Miami, Florida (nicknamed Vice City) in the
1980s. You play as Tommy Vercetti, a former low-level mobster for the Forelli
brothers, who has recently been released from an extended sentence in prison. He was
busted during a drug operation and got a 15-year sentence. For not ratting out the
Forellis, Sonny Forelli has rewarded Tommy by sending him to Vice City to expand the
Forelli criminal empire. Tommy's first big deal goes terribly wrong, and he quickly
discovers that he has lost the cash that the Forellis had entrusted to him for their
Vice City crime operations. Sonny Forelli is not at all happy by this news, and
demands that Tommy get the money back. Through his relationship with Ken Rosenberg,
a shady lawyer with huge connections in the Vice City underworld, Tommy finds
himself a bit of luck. Rosenberg aids Tommy by outfitting him with a sweet pastel
suit and giving him an invitation to a boat party - one that many big bosses of the
Vice City criminal community will be attending. What happens next has not yet been
revealed. It's safe to say that you will face betrayals and double-crosses as you
earn back the money.
==============
6. Characters
==============
There are whole new sets of characters in this game. Forget the GTA3 ones, they
will not help. I will go over who you are, and your costumes, and then your bosses
and then the gangs. Well, here we go. If you know any more information about any
of the characters, especially the gangs, please e-mail me!!
--------------
a. Characters
--------------
Alex Shrub
-Gender: Male
-Build: Average
-Facts:
- Extreme Right Wing congressman.
- Happily married.
- Known philanderer.
- Will do anything for votes.
- Power obsessed. Usual politician.
- Expected to go very far.
Auntie Poulet
-Voice: Miss Cleo, actual name: Youree Cleomill Harris (Thanks to Tim E Erbele)
Avery Carrington
-Voice: Burt Reynolds (thanks to Rick Chandler)
-Gender: Male
-Build: Average
-Facts:
- Texan property magnate and real estate developer.
- Likes to talk about his father. The good ol' days.
- Extreme Capitalist.
- Suspected of doing anything to manipulate property prices and
land value, including, but not limited to, arson, rioting,
bribery, intimidation, murder.
- Always wears a cowboy hat.
- Believed to be involved in several developments and slum-
clearance programs.
- Known guest of Cortez.
- Uses Ken Rosenberg for legal advice - possibly weak link?
- Hair suspected to be fake.
Buddy
BJ Jone's Loan Shark
-Voice: Lawrence Taylor
-Gender: Male
-Build: Big/Muscular
-Facts: - Former star Tight End for the Vice City Mambas.
- Very successful career in pro football, but haunted
problems off the field.
- Famous for hunting opponents. Now runs a celebrity
endorsed used car lot, which is believed to be a front.
- Thought to sell stolen vehicles.
- Believed to be heavily in debt with loan sharks and is now
doing anything for money.
Cam Jones
-Facts: -Claims to be an expert safe cracker
-Confirmed kleptomaniac
-Believed to be working with Cassidy
Candy Suxx (Candice Shrand)
-Voice: Jenna Jameson (Thanks to Tim E Erbele)
-Facts: -Woman of extremely ill repute.
-Possible involvement in blackmailing politicians
-Never seems to get cold.
Capo
Colonel Cortez
-Build: Average
-Gender: Male
-Facts: - Cultural Attache.
- Has diplomatic immunity - bear this in mind when bugging
his house.
- Has somehow survived up to 30 coups in his native country.
- Likes to eat endangered species. Considers this to be
fine living.
- Lives with his daughter. Widower.
- Long term dislike for French secret service.
- Believed to facilitate trade with all areas of criminal
activity, including, but not limited to, narcotics,
firearms, weapons, and military secrets.
- In own county, has been sentenced to death 9 times, but
always survives and gets promoted.
Eugene
-Facts: -Possible way to Leo Teal.
- Leo Teal's other lover.
- Interior designer and restaurant owner.
- Likes knives.
- Likes Thailand.
- Likes the beach.
Georgio Forelli
-Facts: -Italian-American criminal.
-Current case is going to trial, thought to be certain.
-Related to Liberty City organized crime family.
-Cross dresser.
Gonzales
-Build: Heavy/Stocky
-Gender: Male
-Facts: - Works for Colonel Juan Garcia Cortez in various
capacities.
- Diplomatic immunity - part if cultural affairs division of
San Dominican consulate, where Cortez in Cultural Attache.
Believed Gonzales' visa what issued as Health and Fitness
Commission.
- Greedy - known to take bribes; could try bribing to find
out more about Cortez' operation.
- Has been seen leaving property of Diaz without Cortez.
Possible weakness in organization.
- More information needed on Cortez. Gonzales has problems
with his weight.
- Formerly very active in Vice City under world. Now spends
a lot of time in his penthouse, away from Cortez.
Hilary King
-Gender: Male
-Build: Heavy
-Facts: - Expert driver believed to have worked with Cam Jones and
Phil Cassidy.
- Neurotic.
- Compulsive eater.
- Psychological profiling reveals obsession with abandonment
issues.
- Ginger.
- Hilary King comes from a stable family background.
Ice Cream Lady
-Facts: - Psychiotic distributor of soft ice cream.
- Business known to be a front.
- We are as yet unable to determine what it is fronting.
- Maude Hanson runs company.
- Believed to be a sociopath who once ran a children's home.
Jack Howitzer
Ken Roseburg
-Voice: David Paymer
-Gender: Male
-Build: Small/Weak
-Facts: - Partner at Rosenberg & Associates legal firm.
- Suspected problem with narcotics and egomania.
- Believed to be developing contacts with Liberty City mob.
- Suspected of cheating in Law school exams.
- Believed to have employed heavies on numerous occasions to
intimidate and corrupt juries.
- Very poor success rate in trials.
- "Blue Chip" clients include Georgio Forreli. Cousin of
Liberty City crime boss, Sonny.
- Always desperate for money.
Lance Vance
-Voice: Phillip Michael Tomas (Thanks to Tim E Erbele)
-Gender: Male
-Build: Muscular
-Facts: - Works with you in Vice City.
- Recently arrived in town with his brother.
- Asks a lot of questions.
- Trained helicopter pilot.
- Believed to be in narcotics trade.
- Heard mouthing off in a lot of nightclubs.
- Believed to get aggressive or needy when he drinks.
- Possibly emotionally insecure.
Love Fist
Paul from Kent
-Gender: Male
-Build: Small
-Facts: - "Kent Paul" is believed to be an assumed name. Real name
unknown.
- Also known as "KP", "Paulo" and "Kent".
- English Youth.
- Claims to work in music business. No known employment.
- Claims to be a criminal mastermind.
- No criminal record found yet.
- Known to have made contact with biker gangs, but believed
to have fallen out with Biker's gang.
- Pathological liar.
- Nasty clothes.
- Suspected narcotics addiction.
- Seems to have contacts in certain SWAT divisions.
Pastor Richards
-Gender: Male
-Build: Average
-Facts: - Possible Polygamist.
- Hates people who help others.
- Fervent anti-communist.
- Obsessed with nuclear winter.
- Hateful human being, but menace to society uncertain at
present.
- Maniac firebrand preacher, obsessed with money.
- Has written several awful books. All completely
fabricated. Most given away.
- Obsessed with degenerates.
- Has been campaigning to build a large statue in his own
image.
- Has been attempting to bribe officials at NASA for rocky
technology.
- Believed to be embezzling money from the fund for a
private mansion in Hawaii.
Leo Teal
-Facts: - Possible connection with Mr.
Black.
- Very complicated personal life.
- Works in restaurant business.
- Communications expert.
- Haven't been able to get a working tap on his phones.
- Believed to be working as a hitman in Vice City.
- Possible involvement in narcotics trade.
Mercedes Cortez
-Voice: Fairuza Balk (Thanks to Tim E Erbele)
-Facts: - Daughter of Colonel Cortez.
- Likes to party.
"Big" Mitch Baker
-Voice: Lee Majors (Thanks to Tim E Erbele)
-Gender: Male
-Build: Tall
-Facts:
- Vietnam veteran, turned motorbike enthusiast. Won Purple Heart
for killing a village full of Vietcong and being injured.
Extreme bitterness at trement of veterans has led to violent
clashes with authority.
- Jailed on 13 occasions.
- Lawless degenerate sociopath.
- Loves bar sports, fighting, pinball, pool, eating live animals,
hard rock music, wrestling, racing motorbikes, urinating in
public places, scaring police.
- Believed to have implicated in several civil disturbances.
- Runs local gang of bikers. Believed to be implicated in
Narcotics distribution.
- Extreme loyalty within gang.
- Initiation rituals preclude getting man on inside.
- Known loathing for soft rock, communists, and wigs.
Moweesha
-Facts: - Involved in dubious practice with Teal and several other
men.
- Thought to be paid company.
- Involved in bizarre practices with Leo Teal and a manatee.
Mr. Black
-Facts: - Nothing is known about this man.
- Eager to find out more.
- Believed to be involved in running hitman business.
- No further info.
Pedro Garcia
-Facts: - Involved in violent gun-running.
- Buying weapons from out of state and selling them on the
streets.
- Believed to be a rival of Phil Cassidy.
Phil Cassidy
-Voice: Gary Busey
-Gender: Male
-Build: Average
-Facts: - Linked to "Cam" Jones. Jones and Cassidy believed to have
worked together numerous times although Cassidy has avoided
conviction.
- Degenerate.
- Patriot.
- Cassidy claims to have served in various divisions although
Army records show he was repeatedly rejected for service
because of drunkenness and an unsuitable temperament for
combat.
- Redneck arms dealer.
- Believed to be involved in weapons trade.
- Gun enthusiast. Member in various second amendment
organizations and various Vice City gun clubs.
- Sources suggest he also distills boomshine in own stills.
- Fighting war with Mexican gun-running gangs.
- Phil Cassidy shot his arm off some how. You also said that
he went to his personal physician. He actually went to an
old army surgeon and he was going to blow something up
because he was drunk on boomshine, but the batteries were
dead and he had some on what he was going to blow up. When
he replaced the batteries he accidentally pulled the
trigger and blew his arm off. The mission was "Boomshine
Saigon" (Thanks to Mike)
Ricardo Diaz
-Voice: Luis Guzman
-Gender: Male
-Build: Heavy/Stocky
-Facts: - Extremely dangerous.
- Bribed INS for Green Card in 1978. Entered the country
from Columbia.
- Contacts in Columbia believe he is a major player in
narcotics industry and anti-government activity.
- Extremely popular philanthropist. Gives various Ricardo
Diaz foundations across Vice City and Central and South
America. All are believe to be a front.
- Extremely short and is believed to suffer from Napoleon
complex.
- Medical records show he has over-active glands and sweats
more than is socially acceptable.
- Gun collector. Always armed.
- Has private army/militia and is heavily guarded at all
times.
- Has been involved in long running battle for control of
narcotics business in Vice City.
- Known to have bribed police and officials within the town.
- Feared due to reputation for unpredictable behavior.
- Thought to be responsible for 18 murders.
Sonny Forelli
-Voice: Tom Sizemore (Thanks to Tim E Erbele)
-Gender: Male
-Build: Average
-Facts: - Head of the Forreli crime family.
- Major crime family in Liberty City.
- Believed to have major influence in racketeering,
gambling, union trouble, corruption and prostitution.
- Came to power young.
- Thought to have ordered several mob killings, including
Harewood incident.
- Only minor charges have ever struck. Thought to be
interested in entering narcotics trade, traditionally a no
go area for Liberty City mob.
-Phone records reveal calls to home address of Ken
Rosenberg.
- Notoriously poor taste in clothes.
Steve Scott
-Voice: Dennis Hopper (Thanks to Tim E Erbele)
-Gender: Male
-Build: Average
-Facts: A film director with an unnatural obsession with sharks and
mountains of mashed potatoes, Steve Scott has been spotted at various
parties with organized crime. Rumors say he's seeking any money he can
get to finance his next big film. (Thanks to Brady Games)
Tommy Vercetti
-Voice: Ray Liotta
-Gender: Male
-Build: Average
-Facts:
-Tommy is the main character who you play as.
- Works for Sonny Forreli.
- Worked in Liberty City after long stretch in maximum security.
- Understandably nervous about a reappearance in Liberty City so
a trip down south seemed like a good idea.
- Tommy is left in Vice City with no money or merchandise.
- Tommy wants his money back but Cuban gangsters, biker gangs,
and corrupt politicians stand in his way.
- Most of Vice City seems to want Tommy dead.
- His only solution is to fight back and take over the city
himself.
Umberto Robina
-Voice: Danny Trejo
-Gender: Male
-Build: Heavy
-Facts: - Cuban warlord.
- Long term feud with Haitian criminals. Wants control turf.
- Extreme macho man.
- Wants to wage full scale war with Haitians.
- Never implicated in a crime personally.
- Bravery has been questioned with Cuban circles.
---------
b. Gangs
---------
-Cubans
Nationality: Cuban
Leader: Umberto Robina
Turf: Little Havana
Vehicle: Cuban Hermes
Clothes: White-T-shirts with blue caps
Weapons: Pistols, Fists.
-Haitians
Nationality: Haitian
Leader: Auntie Poulet
Turf: Little Haiti
Vehicle: Voodoo
Clothes: Blue T-Shirt, or Lilac T-Shirt
Weapons: Pistols, Fists.
-Sharks
Nationality: American
Leader: ?
Turf: North Point Mall, Prawn Island
Vehicle: Gang Burrito
Clothes: Leather Jacket with picture of Shark on the back
Weapons: Colt 45, Fists.
-Bikers
Nationality: American
Leader: "Big" Mitch Baker
Turf: By the biker bar, which is also known as the Greasy Chopper
Vehicle: Freeway
Clothes: Leather jackets, jeans, always on motorcycles, never walking around.
Weapons: Colt 45
(Thanks to [email protected] for some of this information)
========================
7. Missions Walkthrough
========================
This is what the majority of the FAQ will be about. I will TRY to update ASAP, but
I can't guarantee anything, but I will take questions about the game. I will know
more about the missions and such then it appears on the FAQ. They are all pretty
straight forward, if you have an alternate way, e-mail it to me and I will post it
ASAP.
----------------
a. Ken Robinson
----------------
Mission 1: "AN OLD FRIEND"
Reward: $0
Just take this time to explore if you want and when you're ready, go to your hotel
safe house and talk to Sonny. Then a (L) blip will come on your radar, follow your
way to that to Ken Rosenberg's office and the first mission, that you do for money
anyway.
Mission 2: "THE PARTY"
Reward: $100
All you have to do here is talk to Rosenberg and go get on your new clothes at
Rafael's. Then make your way to the Colonel's yacht. After a lengthy cut scene you
will need to take Cortez's daughter, Mercedes to "Pole Position", the strip club.
After dropping her off you complete the mission. Oh, and the Soiree Suit is now
available as a clothes change.
Mission 3: "BACK ALLEY BRAWL"
Reward: $200
First go see Kent Paul at the Malibu Club, he will inform you about a chef. Go meet
that chef in an alleyway and slaughter him up. Doing this is rather easy. Then take
his downed Cell-Phone. After that, you will confront Lance, after a scene, some
chef's are chasing you around, don't bother killing them, just run towards Lance's
car and hop in, wait for Lance to hop in and take off towards AmmuNation. Then
return to your Hotel safe house to complete the mission.
Mission 4: "JURY FURY"
Reward: $400
After you get out of his office, a car will speed past you and hit a guy, and he
drops a hammer. Take the hammer and the car and head towards one of the yellow
blips on you radar.
For the first one, go to the triangle blip and you will see a Sentinel, but no
juror. Use the hammer to smash up the car, and the juror will come out, see the car
and flee. One down.
For the next one, follow the blip to the Ocean Beach Restaurant. Hit him to make
him go into his vehicle, and he will crash into a truck. Open his door, take him
out, and beat him into submission. You can also just beat up his car and that will
do the trick. There is 400 dollars in your pocket. Head back to Rosenberg for his
last mission.
Mission 5: "RIOT"
Reward: $1000, Coveralls available at Tooled Up, and Avery Carrington's missions are
available
This is a difficult mission. First head over to Rafael's to change into overalls.
Not much of a strategy can be said, just skill. The easiest way I found out to do
was, drive a car into the gates running over most the workers, then drive into the
back of the lot and hop in one of the vans on the LEFT and rapidly ram it back and
forth into the other van. One will start flaming and park them next to each other.
That will take 2 of the vans out and now head for the third van and drive it out of
the compound area and ram it into walls till it flames. Let it blow and there, you
have it.
Here is an additional strategy from Zany
----------------------------------------
Of course get the overalls and then go to where they are rioting. See those big box
trucks. Well steal one of those that are out on the street and then drive it into
where the riot is. They open the gates and just let you in. Drive over a lot but not
all of the workers. Once the gates are open the workers will rush the guards. Now
get all of the trucks to the right side. There is a barrel over there u can shoot.
Then run what workers are left won't like u and what guards are left wont like u but
they will be to busy hitting each other to hit you.
Alternate Strategy from Ben Bird
--------------------------------
An easier way to do the 'Riot' mission is as follows: (this is using the weapon
cheat so if you don't want to use it, that's understandable. First, use one of the
three weapons cheats (r1, r2, l1, r2, left, down, right, up, left, down, down, left
is the best in this case). Next go to the fight scene, kill a few people with a
weapon, then blow up the trucks with the rocket launcher and hey presto, there you
have it.
Alternate Strategy from Robert Brown
------------------------------------
I was just reading your guide. It's pretty good. I have an alternate strategy to the
Riot Mission. Very simple. No cheating. All you need is a pistol and a bat or
nightstick. Get your coverall out fit. Go to the scene. You have to take out 3 of
the workers to start the riot. Just pick a guy in the back and kill him with the
bat. Move on to the next guy etc until the riot starts. AS long as you are in the
back you won't be attacked as the riot rushes forward. You can walk into the gate
untouched once the fighting begins. Target the armed guard when prompted to do so
and take him out. Drive the truck that is on the left into the empty spot beside the
other two. Walk back across the lot and turn and you can auto target the red barrel.
Shoot it. It explodes. All three trucks explode. At this time most of the workers
and guards have killed one another and you get some easy money a gun pick-ups before
leaving. This is not a difficult mission.
------------------
b. Colonel Cortez
------------------
Mission 1: "TREACHEROUS SWINE"
Reward: $250, Casual Outfit delivered to Gash
This is a fairly easy mission. Cortez has found the person who set you up. Go to
Gonzalez's abode and confront him. Kill his 2 guards first, and then chase Gonzalez
on foot. Once you kill him you will have 2 wanted level stars. Hurry up and get in
the Cheetah from the hotel's parking lot and drive to the Pay 'n' Spray North of you
in Vice Point. After painting the car you complete the mission.
Mission 2:"MALL SHOOTOUT"
Reward: $500
Head to AmmuNation and pick up some body armor and a gun. Then head to the
Washington Mall. When you confront the courier, the SWAT bursts in. Simply follow
the courier out of the mall, avoiding the cops and SWAT. You will get a Level 2
Wanted Level, so they will be after you. He will get a vehicle, most likely a
motorcycle, and take off. Hop in a car and ram into him until he wipes out. Then
kill the bastard if not dead and take the chips from him. Before you head back to
Cortez, get to a Pay N' Spray to rid yourself of your wanted level. Get the chips
back to Colonel and get $500.
Alternate Strategy from Brian McElwain
--------------------------------------
In the mission where you have to smash all the windows in the north point mall the
best way to speed things up is to steal the Infernus in display and go for a joy
ride and smashing all ground floor windows in the process...then shoot out the upper
level windows since you cannot drive up the escalators.
Mission 3:"GUARDIAN ANGELS"
Reward: $1000
This is a difficult mission. First go get the Ruger at the car pack and meet Lance.
You two will go meet Ricardo Diaz and make sure a drug deal doesn't go bad. When it
does, the Haiti will take out Diaz's 2 guards and start attacking him. Simply pick
them off one by one. If you look behind you, cars and vans will drop more gang
members off; try to pick them off when they are being dropped off. Lance will also
yell for help, just disregard this; the gang never gets him, rarely. If you are
lucky enough, Diaz will survive. After those thugs are dead, 2 Cuban gang members on
Sanchez's will swipe the money. Lance kills one of them and knocks him off his bike.
Run over and grab the bike and follow the other Cuban through the alleys. Be careful
and use you drive by skills to shoot at him in front of you. Once you knock him off
the bike and kill him, grab the money and take it back to Diaz. Now you have him as
an ally and get your $1000 reward.
----------------
c. Ricardo Diaz
----------------
Mission 1: "THE CHASE"
Reward: $1000
This is another fairly easy mission if you play it safe. Make your way to the thug's
house and look through his window, he will see you. Chase him to the rooftop and be
quick about it. He will fire at you in a cut scene and that's all. Do not shoot at
him. Make your way across the rooftops and don't fall off the narrow planks. Once he
hops in his getaway vehicle, grab the nearby Faggio. Trail the BF Injection to the
thug's house safely and don't worry about the thug firing at you though. Just don't
get too close. Once you see the thug's hideout the mission is over and you get $1000.
Mission 2: "PHNOM PEHN '86"
Reward: $2000
In this mission, you need to go back to the hideout that you saw at the end of the
last mission. You get a ride from a helicopter with the pilot being "Quintin",
really an alias for Lance. You will have an M60 (Hell yeah!) and he will stop in
mid air by the hideout so you can kill people. Shoot all the guys in one area, and
the driver will move to the next. Move quickly, the helicopter doesn't have
unlimited health and if the helicopter's health is empty, then you fail the
mission. A very easy way is to ALWAYS shoot the explosive barrels if there are any
because it will help. After you killed all of the guys around the building, you
will be able to enter the building as the helicopter sets you down by the door.
Enter in and shoot right away at those guys. They can kill you pretty easily and
you don't want to mess around with them. After you killed the guys on both levels,
head up the stairs, kill the guard at the door, and proceed to the rooftop. There
you will find the cash in a briefcase. When you get it, the helicopter will pick
you up again and you will be taken back to the mansion, for a nice price of $2000
dollars. You can proceed with his missions, but let's finish Cortez's missions
first.
---------------------------
Colonel Cortez (Continued)
---------------------------
Mission 1: "SIR, YES SIR!"
Reward: $2000
Ooh, this is actually really easy. You have to retrieve a tank and bring it back.
So follow the red blip. Once you catch up to it, you need to block the convoy that
is blocking it and snipe out everyone that you can. Make sure you snipe the
turret! After you do that, do to the driver's side of the Tank, smash it open with
a melee weapon, and man the Tank. The military will then activate the self-destruct
mechanism. That is your queue to get the hell out of there and fast. Quickly take
the tank back to the storage facility to complete the mission. Time for the last
mission for Cortez.
Kobus de Villiers had an alternate way
--------------------------------------
"There is a much easier way to do this. Once you catch up with the convoy, just jog
along on the left side. The convoy will halt at the doughnut shop for
refreshments. The driver goes out, so the tank is open. Just get in and drive
away, it's very close to the garage, so no problem getting there in time and
completing it without a problem."
Here is another method by Justin Miller
---------------------------------------
"Simply drive a vehicle in front of the tank from the left side. The procession will
stop. You get out of your vehicle, jack the tank like any other vehicle, and drive
the tank to the drop spot. There is really no need to shoot anyone or wait for the
army to get doughnuts.
I realize that this is just another way of attaining the same result but jacking the
tank just like any other vehicle in GTAVC seems to me like the way to go. In
keeping with the spirit of GTAVC, I do not believe that you should ever advise
players to wait for someone to abandon a vehicle in order to steal it ;o) It's
yours. Just take it.
Thanks for your time."
Mission 2: "ALL HANDS ON DECK"
Reward: $5000
Lots of money for this one. It is an escort mission, and those are never easy. But
it is by boat, and you will be ambushed on all sides of the boat. They are the
French military trying to get their chips back. You won't let them will you? You
need to kill everyone who tries to attack the boat. After you kill the boats to the
side of you, there will be a bunch of ships blocking you from the front. Unload on
them also. When the helicopters arrive, you MUST destroy them. If you don't guys
will board the boat FOREVER, until you destroy the helicopters. Finally, an Apache
shows up. Uh oh. This helicopter will start unloading bullets at the ship. Just
keep firing at the ship and eventually it will come down. There are health and
bullets icons on the upper deck, just in case. If you haven't destroyed all of the
ships blocking the yacht, do that now. Then the colonel will sail away. $5000
dollars! Yay! That was your last mission for Cortez, I would suggest doing some
side missions and getting some property. But,
I will continue on with the missions.
-------------------------
Ricardo Diaz (Continued)
-------------------------
Mission 1: "THE FASTEST BOAT"
Reward: $4000
In this mission, he wants you to raid a dock to get a new boat that is supposedly
the fastest of all the boats. I wonder why we wants it so bad...you will see in the
next mission. Follow the red blip to the docks in the far south part of Viceport.
The boat is in the air because of a small crane holding it up. You need to get to
the controls and lower it. Shoot your way in and kill all the guys, and trigger the
switch to lower the boat. There will be more guys on the way to the boat, and as
soon as you enter it, you are greeted with a three star wanted level. Drive, with
your boat, back to Diaz's mansion, and try to avoid fire from the helicopters and
avoid the police boats. It isn't too difficult. Head into the pink circle to
finish the mission. One more mission for the rich bastard.
I have gotten several e-mails about the door to the boathouse with the switches for
the crane being locked. I don't remember the doors being locked, so I can't help
you guys out. I looked through other people's walkthroughs and they have the same
thing. I don't know what is wrong, but I will try to find out. If anyone has any
idea what I'm talking about and has the solution PLEASE E-MAIL ME so I can answer
these people's questions.
Contributed by Thomas Finney
----------------------------
FYI I got past it thanks for the reply from looking around it appears to be a glitch
in the scripting.... (maybe it is caused by cheats) I restarted the game no
problem... just you just have to start over.
Here is a good solution from [email protected]
-----------------------------------------------
This is about the "fastest boat mission", my game also had the problem of the
boatyard doors being locked, but I found a resourceful solution. I don't know why
they are locked in the first place, but they were. Get a helicopter from the place
with the garages you buy in downtown (I don't remember the name) and take the
helicopter to the location of the boat. Land the helicopter on top of the boat and
exit the helicopter. Then you enter the boat and it falls, without the switch being
hit. Problem solved. Hopefully this helps.
Another good solution from [email protected]
--------------------------------------------
This is for the "fastest boat mission." I have a better way to get into the boat. I
don't know why but in my game the garage is also locked. What I did was get behind
the cage where the boat is. I got as close as possible. Then I pressed triangle (to
get in car, helicopter, boat, etc. When I did this it automatically put me in the
boat and lowered it. All I did then was leave.
Mission 2: "SUPPLY & DEMAND"
Reward: $10,000!
Wow! 10,000 bucks! That is awesome. But it is not an easy mission.
You have to go to a coke dealer and the first boat there gets the deals. That's why
you have the fastest boat! This mission is pretty tricky so be prepared.
Get into the new boat and Lance will join you again. You will race the others to
the point to get the coke. Take the LEFT path, not the right; the right side has
too many narrow passageways. Carefully navigate through the channels, but go fast
enough so you don't lose your lead. You are faster, so you will have the lead most
of the time.
When you reach the coke dealer, you get to use the nice machine gun.
Yes! Immediately shoot at the other boats behind you, or hopefully not in front of
you. After you kill them, or before, Lance will tell you to shoot the guys on the
jetty. Kill them first; they can do some pretty serious damage to your boat. After
that, a helicopter will come. Shoot that down right away as well, because there is
an armed thug on the 'copter. There is one more boat ahead of to victory! I don't
recommend blowing this one up because it could damage your boat too. Just kill the
guys on the boat. Lance will then drive you back to the mansion for your $10,000
reward. That's the last of Diaz, now off to someone new, Tommy Vercetti. Wait you
are gonna work for yourself? Yes, you are.
------------------
d. Tommy Vercetti
------------------
(A note on this section, it will be started by Tommy, then you will be working under
Tommy in Diaz's mansion after the first and second mission, so you will go to the V
in the mansion. They are missions created by you to take control of Vice City)
Mission 1: "DEATH ROW"
Reward: $0
What??? No money!! BTW, this is Kent Paul for the first mission, and
Kent Paul was an alias so you will see a K on the map for Tommy's missions. We need
to rescue Lance now, Diaz kidnapped him, that bastard. Be prepared to kick some ass
when you get to the alley where the green blip tells you to go. Kill all the guys
to avoid them when coming back through the alley. Make sure you do that!!! Make
sure you killed the guy on the crane also. Once you leave with Lance, take the
Sentinel because if you don't that same Sentinel will be after you when you are
going to the hospital. There will still be pursuers however in the form of three
Comets filled with enemies, so take the shortest route the hospital possible to
avoid excessive damage from the very dangerous pursuers. The mission will be
complete when you drop Lance off. This allows you to do the next mission.
Alternate Strategy from Michiel van Heuvelen
--------------------------------------------
After getting my car blown up time after time by Diaz' men from ramming me, I
decided to take the dump truck that is also on the junkyard. Now you can slowly
drive to the hospital en let them ram you. This makes the end much more easy. The
only thing is that you have to drive slowly, or the truck will be tipped over in the
corners.
Mission 2: "RUB OUT
Reward: 50,000 bucks!!!!
Well, if you do this mission, the reward pretty much pays for the last 2 missions.
Your mission is basically to "rub out" Diaz as payback for kidnapping Lance. It
starts outside Diaz's mansion on a pink marker. Lance will drive up and show you
his weapons in his trunk. Cool. Make sure you have full armor and health because
you will need it. Use your M-16 in first person to target and shoot the guards at
the entrance. But it is locked! No fear, head around the west side and enter
there. Head through the maze in the bushes, killing everyone in your way and
entering the mansion.
Climb up the stairs to get to the second floor and to reach Diaz's lair. You will
have to fight Diaz along with several other guards. Be careful and watch your
health, and eventually you will prevail. Diaz isn't that tough. After you kill him
you will have control of this huge mansion! Sweeeeeeeetttt! Oh, did I mention you
also get $50,000 dollars?
Mission 3: "SHAKEDOWN"
Reward: $2,000, and all assets are now purchasable
Now that you have Diaz's mansion, it is time to start taking over Vice
City. These next few for Tommy will be self-started, and going to the roof will
start them. For this mission, you are going to go to a mall and send a message to
some shops by busting all of their windows. Sounds easy? Well, you will have to
deal with the cops as well, so it isn't as easy as it sounds. After you enter the
mall, the purple blips will indicate the stores you need to destroy. Only when the
purple blips go away, you know that you have completed it. A good strategy is if
the cops are on your trail, go into the store that needs to be destroyed, and the
cops will start shooting the glass, doing the work for you. Once you destroy all of
the glass windows, you will have completed the mission, but you will have a wanted
level of 5. Good luck getting out, but if you get caught or die, you the mission
will still be complete.
Alternate Strategy from Jonathan Plaster
----------------------------------------
I have a different strategy for "the shakedown" mission. It takes a little more
preparation but I think that its much easier during the mission. Before the
mission go and get a motorcycle, (I used the PCJ 600 but anyone would probably do)
and put it in your garage at your mansion. Also stock up on a gun that you can use
while on the motorcycle and get plenty of ammo for it. Now start your mission and
get your motorcycle out of your garage drive to the mall and drive through the front
doors. Once inside you can drive around to the blips and while on the motorcycle use
the L2 or R2 button along with the O button to shoot out the windows while riding.
This way you can get from area to area quicker and you dont sustain a lot of damage
to your health this way, and it also makes it easier for you to escape after the
mission.
Mission 4: "BAR BRAWL"
Reward: $4000
Once you go to the marker, take the men that you get for this mission to the yellow
blip on the map and you will see some guys out in front. Take care of them easily
by running the over or doing drive-bys. BTW, the point of the mission is to get
into the Front Page bar and find out who is supplying their guards. After you kill
the guards outside, go inside to the pink marker and the owner will tell you where
they come from. Then a timer starts, don't you just love timers? It will give you
5 minutes to kill all of the targets, and it is not an easy task. You have to go to
the security headquarters in Washington Beach to kill the rest. I would suggest the
alley next to it. It has some stairs so you can snipe them all, or throw some bombs
at them. Once you kill all of the guys in the parking lot, the last two guys will
flee on their motorcycles. Follow them and use the nearby police bribe if needed.
Hit them off of their bikes and run them over in the time limit to complete the
mission. Pretty hard eh? Only one more mission for...you.
Alternate strategy from Jake Tomlin
-----------------------------------
In return I've got another strategy for the Bar Brawl mission. Before you go to
kill the guys outside the bar go and get your car rigged with a bomb by 8 Ball (his
shop is down near the port, it's marked on the map.) Then go and kill the guards by
the bar, speak to the manger, and drive your car to the security firm. You've got
two choices, either aim the car for the entrance and bail out, or just drive it in,
get out and run away. When you're a safe distance then blow the bomb. All those
baddies with the assault rifles are smudges on the ground. Admittedly, so are your
two thugs, but, hey, they knew the risks, right?
Mission 5: "COPLAND"
Reward: $10,000, then $5,000 forever, see the bottom of this mission for details.
Haha, this is a tough mission. At least there is no timer right? But it is
definitely hard anyway. One of your men has screwed up a bombing and you need to
cover it up. So you think up an intricate plan and that involves changing into a
cop's uniform. To do that, do anything to get a wanted level. The easiest would be
to run into their car or run over a lot of people. Then, head towards your garage,
marked by a yellow blip on your radar, and have the cops follow you into the
garage. You need at least 2 cops for you and Lance to change into. Once you get 2
cops in the garage with you, the door will close, and then open with you and Lance
in police uniforms. Cool. Now head over to the mall in the police car parked
outside which is behind the short wall, and follow the pink marker to find it in the
Tarbrush cafe. That is where you will plant the bomb. As soon as you enter the
pink marker, dash out as fast as you can. The bomb detonates after 5 seconds, and
appropriately your wanted level reaches a small level 5. Level 5?!?! Holy crap!
Get out of there as fast as possible and get in your car and drive like you never
drove before. The small, speedy, and deadly Vice cop cars will be after you, and
try to get to your mansion as fast as possible. If your car catches on fire, bail
out but don't go towards the cops and don't run in the middle of a street where a
high speed FBI car can kill you. Just a little advice to help you out. Once you
reach the mansion, the mission will be complete. The cool part about this is that
you will find a $5,000 icon on the front porch of your mansion. It regenerates once
every day. That's pretty cool huh. (thanks to [email protected] for a correction)
[email protected] had a way of escaping easier and it really works well.
"When you are leaving the mall, there is a lower area just outside the doors of the
coffee place. Down there is a cop bribe that u can get fairly easily. Thus, you
avoid the FBI and have a relatively easy time escaping just 4 stars then you would
5."
Another method by Lucas
-----------------------
Okay, now. After getting the cop uniforms, there are two things that can be done.
If you already have all packages, simply go to the Baxter airbase and either steal
the tank or the Hunter, fly back to the mall, park it near the police bribe and
(this is important) Leave the Door open to the chopper / tank (I have found that any
chopper will do) then enter the mall, set the bomb and then run for the bribe, grab
it and jump into the chopper. make sure you don't leave Vance behind because the
police choppers show up and the cops start rappelling down from the choppers (pretty
cool).
Then simply fly to the front steps of the mansion and that's it. Easy as pie. Or in
the tank, pretty much the same thing, just drive to the hideout by driving over
anything in your path, I have found the road spikes that cops throw across the road
do not affect the tank's performance....I may have just been lucky though.
Additional Strategy from Doug
-----------------------------
Here is a near sure-fire way to beat copland easily. As soon as you start the
mission at your mansion, go up to the roof and get the helicopter. Fly it down in
front of the mansion. If Lance didn't follow you up to the roof, or he's not in
front of the mansion when you land, then go inside the mansion to get him. Once
Lance is outside, get inside the helicopter and make sure Lance gets in as well.
Then, fly over to the mall. There is an entrance on the side of the mall (it's the
one that's closest to the store you need to plant the bomb
in). To the side of this entrance there is an area where you can land the
helicopter (it's the area where you can get the police star). Once you've
successfully landed your helicopter down there, go about the mission as usual: get a
car, get 2 stars, get in the garage, get the cops uniforms, get the police car
that's next to the garage and drive over to the mall. Before you go in the mall,
park your car on that side entrance (the one which is closest to where you need to
plant the bomb) make sure your car is in facing down the ramp so that you can easily
drive down the ramp to get to the helicopter once the bomb has blown. Once you've
gone in the mall and planted the bomb, run outside, get in your car, drive down to
the helicopter, get inside and get back to your mansion (you can land in front of
the mansion, or if there's cops at the mansion when you arrive, land on the roof and
then make your way downstairs and to the front). I suppose, in theory, your
Helicopter could be shot up to the point of exploding by cops (as you're leaving the
mall), or that you could be shot down by the police helicopter; but I did the
mission twice using this method and was successful both times.
Another method by Jungo Fett
----------------------------
I did it easy, I got the maverick off the roof and started the stage picked up lance
then I parked the maverick in between the shopping center doors on the grass I want
stole a car and got the police car drive to the shops and I went and planted the
bomb BOOM i ran out and jumped in the maverick and up and a way done.
Some tips from Sensa
--------------------
When you have planted the bomb go further down the road and look for a little
alleyway. There should be a sparrow in the grassy bit to your left so get in that
and fly back to your mansion
------------------
e. Final Missions
------------------
The reason these are classified as final missions are because they relate to the
story, but they aren't in your mansion anymore. Also, there are some requirements
for even getting these missions to show up.
Thanks to Craig Kostelecky, I know now that the requirements are having the Print
Works and completing all of its missions, and having 5 other assets and completing
their missions.
Mission 1: "CAP THE COLLECTOR"
Reward: $30,000
Ooh! We are getting close to the end and they will keep on getting harder. If you
think this is hard, wait till the next mission. That one took me a LONG time.
Anyway, the point of this mission is to kill 6 collectors, and they travel in
pairs. The Forelli's are behind these collections after they hear about what you
have been doing to take over Vice City. The pink blips mark your properties, and
the more properties you have, the easier this mission will be, you will see why in a
second. You have to follow the red dot, which marks the first pair of collectors
and they head first for the boathouse. You won't be able to stop them from doing
that, but you should be able to see them on the way to the next property, Sunshine
Autos. You need to knock them off of their bikes and kill them. Once you kill them
they get replaced. You need to kill three pairs to complete the mission. You fail
the mission if they tax all of your properties, so if you have a lot of properties,
then you have more time to kill them all. I would not suggest killing them at the
assets because they have big guns and can kill you fast that way. So after you kill
them all, you get $30,000 and the final mission of the main story is available!
Yay!!!
Alternate Strategy from Sara Crisostomo
---------------------------------------
After going to the print works you have to go into a fast car and drive as fast as
you can to The Malibu because all of the 6 mafiosis have to go there anyways. After
a few seconds, there will come the first two, the best way to kill them is to blow
up their motorcycle with a rocket launcher, then you'll have to wait a little for
the next two and do the same thing. After that there are just 2 mafiosis left they
are supposed to be the most difficult but with your rocket launcher they aren't more
difficult then the other 4. After killing them all you'll get 30.000!! And you'll
only have to do one mission to complete the story missions.
Final Mission: "KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE..."
Reward: $30,000, and the completion of the main story missions
Are you ready? Cause this is most likely the hardest mission of them all, fittingly
the "last mission." I put that in quotations because the game isn't really over
yet, there are all the other things to do. Anyway, let us get started. It starts
with a pink marker outside of your Starfish Island mansion. Uh oh, the mob is
coming because you killed their people. Get ready to fight. You are sending Ken
the lawyer to make a deal with counterfeit money, and you send Lance to get the
men. But wait, Lance is a traitor! He informs the mob about the bad money and the
mob comes and assaults your mansion.
First things first. Guard your safe from the guys that come in. After killing a
LOT of them, like 15-20 of them, Lance will show up outside the office in the
upstairs hallway. Shoot him to get him running and follow him. Every time you
shoot him he will go higher, until you get to the roof. Go into the corner to find
an Adrenaline pill and that makes this MUCH easier. You will see Lance and the
thugs, and a bunch of explosives. Hmm, what to do? Lure Lance over to the barrels
and waste him. Ahh, the smell of sweet revenge. Not much time to celebrate, head
back to your safe where the mob is after it again. This time it is Sonny Forelli,
the big bastard with a Ruger, and many people with him. This is the hardest part of
the game, and the last part of the mission. Getting behind your desk to take cover
is the only advice I can give you because you are going to need some serious skill
to get past this part. Pick off all of his guys first since they take less damage
to kill, and deal with Sonny alone. It is much easier that way, but it is still
difficult. Once you kill everyone in that final surge of guys, you have completed
the mission. Congratulations! You now own Vice City and have completed the main
story missions! Of course there is still lots to do, but you have completed A LOT
of the game!
Additional Strategy from Scott Halvorson
----------------------------------------
This seems to work very well. You need MP-5, Spas-12, a sniper rifle, and an m-60
all with plenty of ammo. Start the mission and stand by the desk so that you can see
the office door. Use the spas 12 and kill each thug as they approach. Soon you get
the message to go kill lance. Switch to the mp-5 for its longer range and so you can
run. Head out into the hall and you get a cut scene. After the scene sprint up the
stairs but not towards lance, go the other way. When you reach the top level of the
entryway target each thug and shoot them about 6 times. Lance will be at the end of
the hall out of range so sprint towards him. When you enter the hall target Lance
and shoot him. Now is a good time to switch to the shotgun. As you move up the
stairs target each flight and if you pick anything up fire. Just before you get to
the roof select your MP-5 (you need to sprint). As soon as you get to the roof
sprint to the adrenaline but if you miss it keep going to the back (by the health).
If there is a helicopter on the pad kill it so it doesn't get blown up while you are
near it. Now select your sniper rifle and walk up towards the front of the landing
pad. The guys never go up on the heli-pad! Ease forward just enough to see the tops
of the explosive barrels and snipe them. Ease forward more until you can target each
individual thugs head. Pick them off one by one. Lance takes 3 shots. There is
usually one guy you can't get this way, he stands up against the wall near an
explosive barrel. You can use a weapon with auto target to see him from up top.
Select your mp-5 on go to the lower level, go around the corner, and then duck back
behind it. He charges you but auto target and shoot him.
Return to the stairs. If your health and armor is low go downstairs (as long as you
have above 20 health you can just jump down the middle of the stairway, you will
survive!). Grab the armor and health if you need it and head towards the office.
This triggers the final cut scene.
After this DO NOT go in the office, its a death trap! Instead sprint back to the
stairs and fight your way to the basement!
You should only have to fight about 4 guys and you have 2 opportunities to refresh
your armor. Head through the tunnel and go past the underground pool and then head
out to where the armor and chainsaw you earned from package hunting. Use auto target
to check for enemies around corners and you should be able to get them before they
get you.
When you get near the front of the estate you will notice 3 limousines with a steady
flow of reinforcements exiting them. Select your m-60 and blow up the limos.
BINGO!!!! No more reinforcements!! Now all you have to do is kill 3 guys on the
stairs outside (I prefer mp-5 for its long range and the speed it allows you to
move). After that select the m-60 (Tommy says "didn't think I'd use this did ya'")
Go up the stairs far enough that your shots clear them but not all the way, you need
cover. 3 guys left! Shoot the guy that you recognize as Sunny. The first round hits
him in the back, and he never gets a chance to retaliate. It takes about 6 rounds
(enough to blow up a car!) but he dies. It's a nice sneak attack. YOU WIN EASY!
Additional Strategy from Raul Acosta
------------------------------------
In the first part of the mission, when you're defending the safe, be sure to have
full armor and the minigun (with a lot of ammo). Stand near the entrance to the
office and simply start pumping the stairwell with a barrage of firepower. If you're
lucky you'll be able to cap most of the goons trying to burst in and your armor will
absorb most of the damage you'll receive. When you begin the second part of the
mission and run after Vance, run like a mother and try to avoid the shots coming at
you. I tried shooting him but I'm not sure if shooting him actually makes him begin
his run to the roof. Anyway, head to the stairway but instead of going straight to
the roof run down and reach the little room where there's armor, health and the
sniper rifle and Ruger. Recharge; rest a bit if you need to (or if you can), arm
yourself with the MP5 and then begin a mad dash to the roof access, taking out
whatever goombah's in the way. Now, when you reach the roof, run straight to the
ramp that leads to the helipad. You may take some damage or you may not; if you
don't all the better. You get a breather here since the bad guys DON'T follow you
into the helipad. Now, you can take the satisfaction of shooting Vance over the
helipad's railing (using the MP5 submachine gun, the best weapon to aim and shoot
with in this game other than the PSG-1) like I did the first time around, but you
can actually wipe him and his stooges out without taking a hit by lobbing some
grenades from a distance. You know you have inflicted some damage when Tommy says
the "Last Dance for Lance Vance" thing. Keep lobbing grenades and you'll know Vance
is dead when Tommy says "You picked the wrong side, Vance". Now the _HARD_ part
begins. Work your way down the stairs to the little room once more, recharge, and
then go up to your office's level. For some reason you are not attacked during this
time. When the little cut-scene with Sonny ends, don't go down the main stairwell.
Run to the right and try to take out some of his goombahs with the MP5. Don't try
sticking out for long because Sonny's Ruger is nasty and will mow you down in
seconds. Head to the roof's/basement's stairs and recharge in the little room once
more, then go up to the access way to the lobby. Arm yourself with the MP5 once more
and try to take out some of the random goons. You're likely to suffer some damage
here, so duck into the bar on the other end of the lobby and recharge with armor and
life before trying to take out Sonny. Be sure to try to take him out with a fresh
clip coz he'll be pumping into you as you fire on him (unless you're weaving and
running I guess :-P ). If you're lucky you'll take him out before you're taken out,
so start running WHEREVER to avoid the remaining goombahs' gunshots and wait out the
end of the mission.
Another strategy from Paul Schultz
----------------------------------
At the beginning protect your safe, go up and kill Lance in any way described in the
other strategies. After Lance and the rest of the goons on the roof have been
killed walk all the way to the ledge of the roof so you can see down. From here you
should see the three limos that all the reinforcements come from. Use some sort of
high powered weapon and blow up all three of them. Go back down the stairs (and
pick up health/armor if needed) and you'll get the cut scene where Sonny shows up.
Go back into your office and duck behind the desk. After taking out all of the
goons there should just be Sonny left. Stand right outside your office where you
can't see him and he can't see you. From the top throw grenades down the stairs to
where he's standing. After a few grenades Sonny will be dead and you won't take any
damage in the process.
Alternate Strategy from James Wyatt
-----------------------------------
I want to suggest to you an easy way to beat the game, in the final mission Keep
Your Friends Close. After starting in Tommy's office, I knelt slightly off to the
right side of the desk, facing the open door, with my Python selected. One guy came
in, and I killed him in one shot. After about 30 seconds, I got the message to go
get Lance! I died, but I tried that again and this time, NO-ONE came in! It was
easy! I rushed to the helipad and lobbed grenades over and made short work of
Lance. Re-entering the mansion, I ran back to the office to make Sunny enter. I
then ran out of the office and up the little flight of stairs to the left. In that
back corner, I could easily pick off everyone. I slowly approached the rail on the
right side (when facing the office, the rail on the right side) and picked off Sunny
with my laser sniper rifle. It was much easier than just rushing him!
Alternate Strategy from Mike Lauraine
-------------------------------------
Before you start the mission make sure to go and pick up a rocket launcher, you will
need it at the end.
You go through the usual with killing a few guys from the office and then run to the
top after Lance and kill him. On your way back to the office to engage with Sonny
go and get some armor or life fill up if needed. Once the talk is over with Sonny
take out you rocket launcher and fire it a 3-4 times (I lost count and just kept
killing) at the bottom of the stairs where Sonny and his men are. Well that's it!
It is over before you know it and you barely get hit and don't even have to run
anywhere, just stand at the top of the stairs by the office. Hope this helps
someone.
------------------
f. Extra Missions
------------------
These are missions not required to progress in the game, but are required to get
100% completion in the game. There are a lot of extra missions, more than story
missions so it might take a while.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i. Avery Carrington
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You can find him in his limo at the construction site in Vice Point.
You can find him pretty early in the game, after you complete the
"Riot" mission for Rosenberg. Here we go.
Mission 1: "FOUR IRON"
Reward: $500
Pretty good cash for the beginning missions. Not. What you have to do is take care
of a guy at the local golf course. First, follow the T-shirt to get some golfing
clothes...boy he looks like a nerd...and then head to Leaf Link gold course. When
you enter, all of your guns will be taken away, and they will leave you with your
melee weapon. If you don't have one, there is a golf club right after you go
through security. Go to yellow blip on the dot and hit one of his guards. This
cues a cut scene showing your target getting away in a Caddie. Follow him with a
Caddie of your own. The guards will also chase you, do your best to shrug them
off. Either take him out in the caddy, the easiest way, or follow him on the
streets. If you take too long, you will fail so make haste. Tip over whatever he
is driving, and then run him over to complete the mission. The only problem is if
he is using a caddy, and as you all know they don't flip over. So drive-by him and
set him on fire that way to finish him off.
Alternate Strategy from Sid Davis
---------------------------------
Basically show up at the driving range and then drive the other golf carts that are
there into the water. (Bailing out as you get close to edge)
I did this figuring that if bad guy didn't have a cart I could just run him over as
he ran away. Well Surprise, surprise... he jumps in a Caddy anyway... and it's one
of the ones in the water. Apparently he can't swim too well. Mission Over. ;)
Alternate Strategy from Ian Glick
---------------------------------
This is concerning Avery Carrington's mission Four
Iron. I found a really easy way of getting rid of the bodyguards that get in your
way and try to kill you in Leaf Links. Before you start the mission, go to Tarbrush
Cafe in North Point Mall in Vice Point. Go behind the counter and into the back room
and grab the
Katana. Now that you'll have this when you go to Leaf
Links, you don't have to use a golf club to beat the bodyguards. The katana assures
a quickly sliced & diced bodyguard and less interference on the road so you can pass
the mission.
Alternate Strategy from Robert Brown
------------------------------------
Here is an extremely easy way to do this. After you step on the pink marker to start
the mission, jump into the comet that is parked out front. Drive it straight into
the fence. Hop on the car. Hop over the fence. You are in with your weapons. Grab a
cart. Drive to the target. Keep a little distance. Get out of the cart. Auto target
anyone with the your best weapon. Use the L1 button to re-target until you are on
your man. Kill him. Once he's dead his bodyguards will go neutral. Very easy.
Mission 2: "DEMOLITION MAN"
Reward: $1,000
A lot of people had trouble with this one but I found it pretty easy. The hardest
part about this is obviously the flying of the helicopter, but once you master that,
this mission is easy. What you have to do is pick up and drop off four bombs in the
construction site. First, the blip on the map will point you to a Top Fun van,
where you can control a RC helicopter. Of course, it would be too easy unless there
was a time limit. After you drop off the first bomb you have 7:00 to drop off the
remaining three bombs. That is plenty of time to complete this mission. I
recommend going from the top to the bottom so you leave as much time as possible for
the hardest one. The thugs that will start shooting you can easily be killed be
running them over or chopping them up with your blades. After you drop off all 4
bombs, the mission is complete.
Alternate Strategy from C. DAngelo
-----------------------------------
For "Demolition Man", the 7 min. time limit won't start until you pick up your first
bomb. All you have to do is fly over and kill all the construction workers and
security guards with the blades first. After that, it's smooth sailing...just place
the bombs in 7 min. and you're all set.
Mission 3: "TWO BIT HIT"
Reward: $2,500, Havana Outfit delivered to Streetwear in Little Havana
Hey, Donald Love is back! Anyway, what you are supposed to do is start a gang war
between the Cubans and the Haitians. First you need to change into a Cuban gang
outfit by following the T-shirt again. After you change, drive by the Funeral
Parlor signified by a yellow blip. If you get the attention of the Haitians, go
after the Haitian Gang Lord. If you are lucky, you can kill him before he gets in
his Hearse, but if not it is okay, it is pretty hard to kill him before. Chase him
and kill him using drive by, and after either he dies or the car blows up, you will
have completed the mission after you leave Little Haiti.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ii. Rock Band: Love Fist
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
These missions can be located at the downtown V-Rock building, indicated by a red
circle on the radar. You can start doing his missions after the
mission "Shakedown." These missions are a sequel to one of the last of the main
story missions so these won't be a walk in the park. I think we should get more
money for these but whatever. Here we go.
Mission 1: "LOVE JUICE"
Reward: $2,000
Hmm, I wonder what Love Juice is. Well, frankly, it is a kind of drug. Love Fist
wants you to get some of it from a secret source. Get a very fast sports car, or a
motorcycle so you can shoot ahead of you. The best vehicle for this is a PCJ-600,
but those don't appear out of nowhere. But if you do have one use it here as it
will be much easier. Follow the pink blip on the radar to get a pink marker, and
make sure you are in your fast car or motorcycle. Honk the horn to signal the
dealer to come out and make a deal. He takes your money, and runs without giving
you the drugs. Chase him down! That's why you need a fast car or PCJ, he has a PCJ
himself. Try to destroy his bike without knocking him of his bike; he has a stubby
shotgun that can pack a mean punch. If you have a motorcycle follow him and shoot
him from behind until his bike explodes. If you have a car, you should drive-by
him. Collect the drugs and take them back to Love Fist for a mission completed and
$2,000.
Alternate Strategy from Lord_Zophar
-----------------------------------
The first part is okay and accurate (of course you can do the first part a lot
easier. Just park your car so that the front is facing the exit of the parking
lot. Now, honk the horn and then chase after him when he takes off. You will have
to follow him for a couple of turns, but you can quickly gain on him and then BOOM!
slam into him and then run him over. This is so much easier and more fun then the
other ways!)
Anyway, this is not the end of the mission. Get out of your car and get the drugs,
and then you will get a cell phone call. Press L1 (default) to answer it and Kent
will say that the band members want a woman too. You then have to go pick up
Mercedes at her house. At this point you will have some stars and so you might try
losing them before you pick her up. When you are ready to pick her up, make sure
you have a FAST car because as soon as you get her, you have little over a minute to
get back to the studio. No major strategy here, just drive as fast as you can and
don't hit a thing or you won't make it (take the straightest route possible too).
Once you get there you will win the mission and get your reward.
Mission 2: "PSYCHO KILLER"
Reward: $4,000
This mission is where you have to get rid of a stalker, and you know what I mean by
get rid of him. But this stalker isn't stupid and he will put up a fight. I have
tried many different ways, but I still lose him because the limo is too slow. There
is a trick that worked for me in the Brady Games strategy guide. After you start
the mission, get a fast car, and put it by the signing area, or by where the stalker
takes off. When you get there, the killer will kill a few people, hop into his car
and flee the scene. As soon as you do that, get into your high-powered car and zoom
after him. Now, just destroy the car and kill him in the process to land the $4,000
dollars. For now, you are done with them, because you need to do some Biker
missions before you can proceed with him. After you complete all of the Biker
missions below, you can proceed with this last one.
Additional Strategy by Ed Novak
-------------------------------
Seems that not everyone likes the Devils of Rock Excess. Someone's been stalking
the Fists, making death threats and such. Kent Paul asks you to drive the Love Fist
limo down to the show, and lure out the psycho killer. First, head outside and jump
in the crimson stretch limo, and then drive down the road to the pink marker. Park
at the marker, and you'll see a couple of women go into the arena...followed by what
appears to be a guy in drag. The drag queen shoots one of the guards, then jumps in
his car and takes off. Once again, chase him down! You have two choices now: A)
chase him through the entire city until one of you dies, or B) memorize his route
and figure out the best place to smash him. The easiest way is to pin him against a
building after he makes his first left turn. He'll make a U-turn in the middle of
the road, which leaves a great opportunity to impale his car on a lamppost. Once he
bails out, shoot him a couple of times to complete the mission.
Alternate Strategy from Robert Brown
------------------------------------
I found the mission with the stalker to be quite difficult at first but I believe I
have found the simplest way to do it. You will need the rocket launcher. Before
getting into the limo select the Launcher as your weapon. Drive slowly to the pink
marker. AS you begin to get close to the marker start hitting the triangle button so
that you can exit the vehicle BEFORE the cut scene. It is tricky but keep trying
until you get it because it makes things easy. After the cut scene you will be
standing outside the limo with the launcher ready. Just aim and take him out. Easy.
It may take a couple of tries but it is easier and far less frustrating than chasing
him around.
Mission 3: "PUBLICITY TOUR"
Reward: $8,000
You get to be a chauffeur, but aren't you always? You have to go fast enough in the
limousine you are driving so the bomb doesn't detonate, kind of like the movie
Speed. Great movie. Anyway, it takes about 140 seconds to disarm the bomb, and my
advice is to find a wide freeway and drive along that until the mission is
complete. Slowing down enough will detonate the bomb, and slowing down will make
the meter rise very quickly. After the bomb is defused, follow the pink blip as
slow as you want to the gig and get your $8,000 and finish Love Fist's missions.
Additional Strategy by Ed Novak
-------------------------------
The psycho killer's dead, but his legacy lives on. When you and Love Fist hop in
the limo, one of the band members finds a tape and asks you to "stick it on." Turns
out that the dearly departed stalker left a parting gift: there's a bomb on the
limo, and if you slow down too much, you die. Take off immediately, and head towards
the freeway that runs along the east coast of the island. While you're driving, the
band members will yell at each other, scream, cry like babies, and finally defuse
the bomb. Somewhere along the line, you'll probably run out of freeway, so be
prepared to make a U-turn (and to panic as the Detonation meter nearly fills up).
After Love Fist defuses the bomb, take a leisurely drive over to their venue and
prepare to party.
Alternate Strategy from Craig Zuck
----------------------------------
I just finished this level, and after quite a few attempts, think I've found the
easiest way. I attempted both ideas already listed, but found it too hard and time
consuming to get to the freeway. Instead, from the start, backup a few feet and
turn left...from here, cruise straight over the bridge to Prawn Island and slow down
just a little bit to turn towards the movie studio (if you dont slow, you will flip
and blow up) from here, follow around back onto the main road and over the bridge
again...if you go fast enough, the boys should have the bomb defused just as you
approach the recording studio.
Additional Strategy from Mark McFarland
---------------------------------------
I think I have a bit easier way of doing this mission. No U-turns. Once you take
off make the left turn, then make the first right turn at the first intersection
past the gun shop. Keep at a pace as to keep the meter clear; you do not need to be
doing the top speed to keep the meter clear. Now continue straight till you get to
the last bridge that will take you over to Vice City, make the left on to it, if you
did this right they should have the bomb defused by the time you get to the first
over pass on the other island. Found it easier to do that than work on doing hard U-
turns, and tight Left and Right turns. Hope this will help others.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
iii. Biker: "Big" Mitch Baker
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mission 1: "ALLOY WHEELS OF STEEL"
Reward: $1,000
These missions occur after Love Fist's mission "Psycho Killer." They are located at
the Biker bar, surprise, with a spade icon on the radar. The first mission is a
checkpoint race to prove your worth to them. That shouldn't be too hard. They all
have Angels, and after you talk to the leader, you will see other Angels parked by
the bar. I suggest you don't use them, however get on the bike go driving around
looking for a Freeway (the motorcycle). This puts you at a HUGE advantage, I can't
stress it enough. Once you do that, go into the pink circle to start the race.
During the race, do not shoot at the guys or you will fail the mission
automatically. Just race. Pretty easy to win the race, just go for control over
speed, since it is easy to tip over. After you win, you will $1,000 and the next
mission.
Tips from Robert Brown
----------------------
Just one quick note about this race. If you walk around to the fron of the bikes and
hit triangle you will knock one of the racers from their bike and the race will
begin with you as the 3rd man instead of the fourth. Makes things a little easier.
Additional Strategy from Andeeroo1
----------------------------------
On Alloy Wheels of Steel as easy way to beat the mission is to have a Ruger (or a
sniper) on hand. Take the Angel right outside the bar and drive around the pink
mark (make sure not to hit any of the racers!). Drive right in front of the first
checkpoints get off of the bike, and get out your Ruger. Aim for one of the bikers
front wheel, shoot, and quickly get on the bike. The race will start and you will
have a head start, and one of the racers is practically out of the race! I beat
this mission on my second try with this strategy.
Mission 2: "MESSING WITH THE MAN"
Reward: $2,000
This next mission caused me a lot of problems, until I realized the secret of how to
do it easier. Anyway, you have to raise chaos in the cities, for fun basically.
Kind of difficult, the idea here is to raise your chaos meter until it is full. To
do that, you must kill people, blow up vehicles, etc. But what I didn't know until
recently is that the higher your wanted level is, the quicker your chaos level will
rise. Now you might say, why do you need to do it quickly? A 2-minute time limit
(it rhymed again!) My suggestion is to get up high, and use your rocket launcher.
It is fun and it works. BTW, every four or five people killed raises your meter,
and every 4 or 5 vehicles blown up raises your meter. The mission is completed when
you fill the chaos meter, and you get $2,000.
Additional Strategy form vicecitystalker
----------------------------------------
I got a better way to beat the "messing With The Man" mission from the biker gangs.
If you find a car, shoot the car up until it explodes. After it explodes, keep
shooting it. Your chaos meter will rise fairly quickly and in the alotted time.
You will get less of a wanted level, but it will take care of it fast. Every 5 or
six bullets raises the meter more.
Alternate Strategy from Jeff M
------------------------------
BEFORE you start this mission, go to Starfish Island, behind one of the houses,
there is a pool shaped like the Rockstar logo (an R with a star). Inside the pool,
there is a flamethrower, get it. After this, go to Mitch Baker and he gives you the
mission. Stand outside, pull out the flamethrower and start burning people cars and
everything that moves. The Chaos meter will fill up in less than a minute if you did
it correctly.
Mission 3: "HOG TIED"
Reward: $4,000
The local gang with the burritos, maybe Cubans?? Hmm... Anyway they stole Mitch's
bike. Bad idea. You have to get it back no matter what. It is hidden on top of
the Ammu-Nation building. A cool way to get there, BTW it also nets you a Unique
Jump, is to use the stairs across from the Ammu-Nation and land on top. Score!
Anyway, get the Adrenaline pill to make things a little easier. There are many
people on the roof and people will come up the stairs to the north. There is a
health icon just in case. After you kill all the guys, head down the stairs, and
follow the yellow blip on the radar to find his bike in a garage. You might have to
kill some guys on the way. :) What am I kidding, of course you will! To get out,
go to the left side of the place, and then turn right (north), and use the stairs as
a jump out onto the streets. It is not over yet!! They will chase you in Gang
Burritos, and it will be tough to get past them. Use the bikes speed and some good
driving to get back to the bar and get your $4,000. That was the last mission for
them. Now, you can finish mission 3 for Love Fist.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
iv. Assassination Missions
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I love this so much! It incorporates the game Hitman 2...sort of. Not as
challenging, but it's still cool. There are several missions. Don't get me wrong,
just because they are assassination, doesn't mean with a sniper. In fact, some of
them aren't with a sniper, it is in the middle of the road. Anyway, enough talk,
let's go. You get the first call early on in the game from your cell phone after
the mission "Riot", and you can find the actual phone in Ocean Beach, marked by a
phone icon.
Mission 1: "ROAD KILL"
Reward: $500
This is sooo easy. But you only get 500 dollars, so that should explain how easy it
is. You have to kill a guy on a Pizza Boy. Not hard. The only catch is that you
have to do it before he delivers his pizzas. He has 50 of them. Even then, you
shouldn't have a problem. Take him out for the easy 500 dollars.
Mission 2: "WASTE THE WIFE"
Reward: $2,000
This next phone is located in the east side of Vice Point. You have to kill a
jewelry shop owner. Except this time, they are in a car. Oh no! Don't worry it's
easy, sort of. Make her car burst into flames is the easiest way, but you can also
make her get out of her car and kill her that way. But make sure as soon as you
make her car set on fire you drive away quickly so no one suspects you. You will
get a message saying you need to split, because it is about to blow. Cha-Ching!
Mission 3: "AUTOCIDE"
Reward: $4,000
This phone is located in Washington, by the North Point Mall. You finally get to
snipe somebody! Yay!! But, they make it hard now that you get to use it. Oh well.
What you have to do is kill 5 groups of people in 9 minutes. That's tough! Oh
well, let's get started. You will find guns indicated by the blue blip on the map.
Now for the victims.
The first victim is Mark Griffon, and he is in Washington building an advertising
board. Easy enough stop where you can see him and snipe him. One down.
The second victim is Dick Tanner. He is in Washington Beach. You will have to take
him out on the road, and he is in a Securicar! That spells trouble. My advice is
to damage the car before it gets on the road to make it easier. After that, it
takes only a little more abuse to take the car down. This is one of the harder ones
to do, so if you do this one fast good job! If not, keep trudging along.
The third victim is actually a group of people, two to be exact, their names are
Marcus Hammond and Franco Carter. They are found by the Jewelry shop in Vice
Point. They also "run" off in their trucks, but to make it easier on you, the first
one jumps out and starts shooting you. Run him down. The second guy has a pickup
truck, take him off the road any way you can. Don't use bumping; it takes too long,
so I suggest drive-by the truck.
The fourth victim is a breather and a confidence builder after 2 harder victims. He
is located on a boat off the shore by Washington Beach. Don't use a boat and risk
it, just snipe him, saving time. That's easier huh?
The fifth victim raises the bar a little, but not a lot. You have to kill Charlie
Dilson in Washington, and he is riding a PCJ-600. Although it is fast, chase him in
a car and he will be down in no time. Wow! That's a complicated mission huh?
Well, next mission!
Alternate Strategy from Ffej
----------------------------
I completed the Autocide mission with NO problems using the following method. It may
be helpful to practice flying a helicopter first until you get half-decent at it.
Get a helicopter and fly it to the south end of the western island. Somewhere around
the airport and military base, you will see some industrial cooling towers with a
reddish Z-shaped hotel to the south of it This is almost perfectly west but a tiny
bit north from the first big container ship. Behind this hotel is a pool with a
rocket launcher in it. Land your helicopter somewhere safely on the lawn, and jump
in the pool to get the rocket launcher. In order to get out of the pool, be sure to
switch back to your "fist" and jump out from the shallow end. Get back in your
helicopter and fly to the J icon on your mini-map. There is a nice wide parking lot
next to the payphones that you can land in. I recommend landing in the end of the
parking lot farthest away from the payphones, closest to where the weapons will
spawn, this will save you a few seconds time later. Be careful with the aircraft, we
don't want to lose it halfway through. Answer the phone, then run with X held down
to the blue-blip to stock up on the weapons (this is actually faster than trying to
steal a car and driving there). Then, run to your helicopter and just before you get
in, arm your uzi. Then get in, and take off. As soon as you're airborne, land on the
roof right next to where you landed, but as close to the blip on your mini-map as
possible. Then, quickly do the following in rapid succession. Get out of the
helicopter (your uzi should still be armed from when you selected it on the ground),
run as close to the billboard as possible while still staying on the roof, hold down
R1 to autotarget the victim, squeeze off a second or two of fire, then get back in
the helicopter. If you did this fast enough and if you landed your helicopter close
enough, the helicopter should spin back up almost immediately, saving you time. Time
for victim number two! Fly your helicopter to the next blip on your map but be
careful not to fly over him because he'll be alerted and escape. You want to land on
the roof of the building directly across the street from the parked security van. If
he spots you and starts driving away, you didn't avoid him well enough when you were
in the air; so try the mission again. Once you land on the roof, get out of the
helicopter and arm your sniper rifle. If you stand directly opposite of the security
van but still up on the roof, you should be able to zoom in and pick him off through
the windshield before he even pulls away. You only get one shot before he panics and
escapes, so aim carefully and fire. Easy kill! If you don't mind failing the
mission, you can steal the security van now and store it in one of your garages
somewhere. Anyway, once you kill victim #2, hop back in the helicopter and fly to
victim #3 and his friend using the blip on your mini-map. Once again, you want to
land on the HUGE roof across the street from where they are parked. Same deal; don't
alert them while you are in the air, so you may have to circle around to the west a
tiny bit so that you aren't flying over them. Once you're on the roof, get out of
your helicopter, arm the rocket launcher you got and shoot the van. Bye-bye victim
#3 and friend! Time for victim #4. This one is even easier, but you still need to
avoid early detection. This guy is sitting in his boat not far off shore. You should
have no trouble landing the helicopter a little ways away, getting out, arming your
sniper rifle, and finishing him off. If you did this all smoothly enough, you should
have lots of time left on the clock for victim #5. This last victim is in a
motorcycle and you need only run him down with a half-decently fast vehicle, so you
can helicopter over to him until you are close and steal a car, or you can leave the
helicopter behind and simply drive away from the area where you killed victim #4.
Alternate Strategy #2 from [email protected]
---------------------------------------------------
I did something different then what you have on the "Autocide" mission. I was able
to snipe the first 4 groups. The second guy in the Securicar is easily killed using
the sniper from the corner of the block. His head barely sticks out over the wooden
fence, but it's enough. The 2 guys in the truck I did something similar. I killed
the driver with my sniper rifle from the corner, and was able to kill the passenger
the same way right as he got out the truck. I did it all within 5-6 minutes and it
seems a lot easier then chasing them in the cars.
Mission 4: "CHECK OUT AT THE CHECK-IN"
Reward: $8,000
This phone is located in Escobar International Airport, and it is a payphone. This
one involves many steps, but really isn't that hard until you have to get away. You
must follow this woman close enough so you see her, and far away enough to keep her
from being suspicious. The distance meter cannot be filled or you will fail. She
will point out your real target, and then you can shoot him. DON'T SHOOT HER!
Shoot the guy she shows you. Once you do that run! You will get a 2 star warning
and the guy's crazy buddies after you. Make sure you get the briefcase! Then go!
You have to return the briefcase to the AmmuNation. There are 2 Pay N' Sprays on
the way to it, that will rid you of the cops, but as for the goons, just out run
them to complete the mission. One more assassination mission.
Alternate Strategy from Ffej
----------------------------
I like to fly a helicopter and park it on the apron behind the airport (close enough
that you can see it through the windows when you're inside the airport). Then, run
around and complete the mission. Once the heat is after you, steal a car (or have
one ready) and drive back around to your helicopter and escape by air. A LOT easier
than avoiding cop cars the whole way back.
Additional Tips from David Marshall
-----------------------------------
In the Checkout at the Check In Assassination mission I find it a lot easier to zoom
in on the woman you need to follow with the sniper rifle and follow her movement
this way. Once she meets the target you can blow his head off and then take out his
henchman almost immediately. Grab the briefcase and hotfoot it outta there.
Mission 5: "LOOSE ENDS"
Reward: $16,000
You have to do some things before you do this mission. You must have purchased the
Malibu and completed its mission called "The Shootist." Done that? Now let's get
started. This phone is located in Little Havana, right across from Starfish
Island. You have to head to the top of the Cherry Popper Ice Cream Company roof.
That's where you will do your dirty work. This is a difficult mission, so beware.
Go through the gate to get your weapons, then snipe all the people in suits, or with
guns. Make sure you get ALL of them; there is one hiding behind that car. Run
towards the stairs and fire with an Uzi at the explosive barrel to take out the
car/guards. Sweet. Anyway, you will then reach the ledge that you sniped people
from. Use that vantage point to kill more people, and try to hit as many explosive
boxes to kill multiple guards at the same time. Once they all die, head to the left
side to get body armor, then head to the right side to get to the roof. Kill all of
the guys on the roof, even on the billboard. Make sure you snipe them before they
can see you so they can't kill you. Once they all die, pick up he briefcase, get
into the helicopter and fly away! Land in the pink marker at Escobar
International Airport to complete the last mission. Yay!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
v. Cubans: Umberto
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This guy is pretty easy compared to some others you will do or have done. He is
located in Robina's Cafe in Little Havana. BTW, you can also rob this store. Let's
get started.
Mission 1: "STUNT BOAT CHALLENGE"
Reward: $1,000
Only a thousand bucks. That's dumb. Anyway, this is a checkpoint race, by boat.
There are 25 checkpoints and you have to get through them in 3 minutes. Sounds
difficult? It is sort of hard, but not too bad. Head out back and get in the
Speeder that's on the dock. When you go through the first checkpoint you will start
the clock. You will go in a big, narrow loop. After you get all of them, you will
get to do the next mission.
Mission 2: "CANNON FODDER"
Reward: $2,000
You are at war with the Haitians. Fun! Kind of like the Triads and Mafia in GTA3.
Anyway, you have to go wreak some havoc by driving many men into the heart of the
Haitians territory. Don't worry, the men are armed also. Make sure you have a 4-
door car so everyone can fit. Head for the pink blip. Now you have to help also.
If they all die you get a big F for the mission. So, help kill. My favorite way of
getting rid of the barricades are with the rocket launcher. Easy breezy. After
that, you will need to take out a sniper; luckily there is a PSG-1 close by to snipe
him with. A pink arrow marks the sniper, kill him. Then proceed and kill the rest
of the Haitians there. Eventually, you will get to a van, you need to hijack it and
drive it back to the cafe to complete the mission.
Alternate strategy from docta docta
-----------------------------------
In the Cubans' second mission, "Cannon Fodder," I was always having trouble jacking
the van before some Haitians could pull me out and kill me. Also, when I got in the
van, they'd shoot it to pieces before they pulled me out. If I was lucky enough to
escape, get health, and come back; hitting a feather would cause the van to explode.
I find it MUCH easier to wait awhile while the Cubans kill off the large mob of
Haitians. Of course, you can help them. Do NOT get in the van until it's safe.
Anyway, by this time, there might only be 3 or 4 Haitians left, and they'd be
nowhere near enough to give you any problems. Also, watch out for a few Haitians
back at the gate when you are making your escape.
Mission 3: "NAVAL ENGAGEMENT"
Reward: $4,000
You get to fight the Haitians again. This was a really annoying mission for me, but
it really isn't that hard; that is if you have a rocket launcher. After you take to
Umberto, meet Rico in the pink marker by the docks. He will give you a Ruger, but
with little ammo, so you might have to use your own. But I suggest using a Rocket
Launcher for more ease. You must destroy the boats before they destroy you, always
a good idea. A LOT easier with a rocket launcher. Get both of the briefcases that
you need to get, one is guarded HEAVILY, the other not at all. Use your ruger or
something to take out the guards and get those briefcases. After you get the second
one, and you are going back to the boat, KABOOM! His boat explodes. Oh no! What
are we going to do? Take a car and drive back to complete the mission. The next
mission is only available after you complete the Haitian's missions. Working for
the enemies at the same time? Cool.
Alternate Strategy from Robert Brown
------------------------------------
All I can say here is Colt Python. There is one that re-spawns in an alley in Little
Haiti. Go west as far as you can go. Watch your map for a bluish square right off a
sharp turn. It's in that Alley. I make it a point to go by each time I save/load to
stock up on ammo. Anyway this mission is quit easy with the Python. Just auto target
the guards on the boats and once you are dropped off run into the shed with the
first brief case. Now use the wall for cover. Duck. Pop up one shot one kill. Duck.
Pop up... etc. Once all the guards are dead walk to the brief case(I prefer to walk
instead of run because there is no longer anything to run from.) and then make your
escape.
Mission 4: "TROJAN VOODOO"
Reward: $10,000
In this mission, you will attempt to blow up the Haitian's last hope, and their
factory. You need to get a Voodoo, not too hard, located by Auntie Poulet. Once
you do, you will be under cover. Run over as many Haitians as you can when you have
your cover so you don't have to deal with as many later. Once you are in, plant the
bombs. You will have 20 seconds to get out of the factory so you don't die. You
can't get out using the Voodoo trick anymore, so turn right when facing the gate,
and use the stairs in the alley. Run across the rooftop into the street. Once you
get out, you will see an explosion an a 10,000 increase in your money.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
vii. Haitians: Auntie Poulet
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
These are the Haitian missions, find them Auntie Poulet's house in Little Haiti.
Mission 1: "JUJU SCRAMBLE"
Reward: $1,000
You have to get several briefcases before the cops get there, hence a time limit!
This mission is way too hard for a 1000-dollar reward. Also, when you pick them up,
each one will give you a 2-star rating. So, if you don't do anything and just get
all three briefcases, you will have a 6-star rating. Don't go there, it is not
fun. GO to the first one and get the first briefcase. No sweat, you should be able
to make it to the next briefcase with a 2-star rating. Get the second briefcase. 4-
stars now, that's not good. Get to a police bribe, there is one on the way to the
next briefcase. DON'T GO TO THE PAY N' SPRAY, you don't have enough time. Go there
after you pick up the third briefcase. It will be difficult, but take your time
since there is no time limit anymore. STAY IN YOUR CAR, getting out is very
dangerous. After you get the Pay N' Spray, drive peacefully back to get a measly
$1,000.
Mission 2: "BOMBS AWAY"
Reward: $2,000
This mission is kind of fun. You get to use RC Bi-planes to bomb people. Actually
you bomb boats, but same thing right? Anyway, drive to the Top Fun van so we can
get started. The plane is heavier than usual, so keep that in mind when taking
off. When you get to the yellow blip in your plane, bomb the three boats there and
the Cubans. One will try to get away in a vehicle, just follow him and try to
anticipate how to hit him and such. Before you follow him, make sure there is no
one else (no more green blips) for you to kill. After you blow up his car, its
mission complete.
Mission 3: "DIRTY LICKIN'S"
Reward: $4,000
There is a brawl going on between the Cubans and the Haitians. You have to use a
sniper rifle, to aide the Haitians in the fight. When you leave Auntie Poulet's,
you will see a group of people with arrows over their heads. Shoot them, not the
guys they fight. North of where they are fighting, there is a building with some
stairs, and go up them. Also, grab the Adrenaline pill to slow it down a little for
you. Once you are on top of the building, head into the pink marker and start
shooting. After you kill the first wave, don't leave because reinforcements will
come. After a while, after you kill all the Cubans, and at least one Haitian is
alive, you complete the mission and are finished with her.
------------------
g. Asset Missions
------------------
These are missions available after purchasing an asset. Some assets don't have
missions, but most of them do. Here we go. In the case of Phil Cassidy, you will
get an asset called Phil's Place when you beat his two missions.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
viii. Porn Empire: Steve Scott
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ah, only in a Grand Theft Auto game. Anyway, you will be able to do his missions
first from Prawn Island. These are missions gained after you purchase the asset
Film Studio.
Mission 1: "RECRUITMENT DRIVE"
Reward: $1,000
He needs you to recruit some more women for his video. They are Candy Suxx and
Mercedes. Getting Mercedes is easy, but Candy Suxx isn't a walk in the park. Head
to the pink blip to find Candy Suxx. When you get there, Candy's pimp gets out of a
car and gives you a present of many armed thugs! Mow them over then take off after
the pimp. As soon as you kill him by blowing him up or shooting him out of his car,
go back and get Candy. After you get her, go get Mercedes inside the restaurant.
Have them both come with you and take them back to the studio to get your money.
Mission 2: "DILDO DODO"
Reward: $2,000
Hmm, interesting name. It makes sense though. You need to use a skimmer to drop
flyers all over town. You have limited fuel, so that is kind of like a time limit.
It is basically checkpoints, and you have to go through all the 12 checkpoints. I
think it is easiest to start over the dirt ring. As soon as you pass through the
checkpoint, a continuous stream of flyers are going to fall out of your plane.
Once you get all 12 checkpoints you will have completed the mission.
Mission 3: "MARTHA"S MUG SHOT"
Reward: $4,000
This mission is scandalous! Congressman Alex Shrub is trying to take the studio out
of business for the inappropriate videos. You have to prove otherwise. You will
get a camera from Steve so you can take a picture of Shrub. Candy will get in a
limo to go to one of Alex Shrub's parties. You follow her in a helicopter and go
into the building across from where she goes in, where you go in is called WK
Chariot Hotel. Get to the roof of the hotel by using the side door, then zoom in on
Candy and Shrub talking in...very little clothes. Don't worry, they are just
talking. :) Anyway, once you take 3 of their pictures together, you will have to
get the evidence back to the studio. Easy? Not with a 5-star rating it isn't!
Now, the easiest way is to just hop back into your helicopter and fly back, or get
to a Pay N' Spray. Mission completed, and there is one mission left.
Alternate Strategy from Joe Mason
---------------------------------
Instead of actually entering the hotel opposite the pair, once you've flown there in
the Sparrow just land on the ledge directly in front of Shrub and Candy (on the
outside of the hotel opposite - level with their balcony), zoom the camera in, take
your 3 photos and whisk back to the film studio sans hassle. Simple.
Mission 4: "G-SPOTLIGHT"
Reward: $8,000, and $8,000 a day for completing the asset.
This is one of the most fun missions in the game. You have to set a spotlight of
Candy Suxx on a building, so everyone can see. Getting to the spotlight is the fun
part. You get to jump from building to building on a motorcycle. There is no time
limit so TAKE YOUR TIME. Find the longest strip of pavement to get maximum speed of
the jumps. If you fall of though, you have to start over. At one point, you can
start halfway over, but that's it. Once you reach the spotlight, get off the bike
and enter the pink marker to move the spotlight and complete the mission.
Alternate Strategy contributed by Eric Walden
---------------------------------------------
You need to own Hyman condo for this. Once you get to the top of the first building.
Jump off with the bike, then go to the condo and get the helicopter. Just land in
each of the pink markers until you get to the end. Land on the final building with
the spotlight, jump out and walk to the final pink marker. Once inside, he will
adjust the spotlight. Mission done, you now have access to the buildings so you can
do some of the unique jumps later and you will now earn money for the film studio.
Another strategy from Nick Corrie
---------------------------------
Once you get to the part where the first bridge pops down, your PCJ is most likely
to be in a bad way. Just get of, walk down the bridge, go across to the dirt track
and hop on the Sanchez. It is MUCH better at doing the jumps and is new, less likely
to blow up!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ix. Boatyard: Checkpoint Race
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mission: "CHECKPOINT CHARLIE"
Reward: $0, Boatyard asset is completed
You get no money, but you get the asset completed. Also, if you do this race again
and win, each time you get $1,000 more than the time before. But each time it gets
harder to see, so it is more difficult. When you go out to the docks, there are 2
boats to choose from. The Squallo and the Cuban Jetmax are available. The Squallo
is faster; the Cuban Jetmax is easier to control. Choose whatever boat fits your
style. Go through all of the checkpoints in the time limit to complete the asset.
Not too difficult right?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
x. Kaufman Cabs
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mission 1: "V.I.P"
Reward: $1,000
You have to pick up a V.I.P. and take him to a place for a fare. Get into the cab,
and drive over there as fast as possible. You only have a minute so get there
quickly. Once you get there sound the horn. He will come out as planned...but
wait! Another cab has picked him up. You can't have them stealing your fare, so go
after them and damage their car as much as possible. After enough damage, the guy
gets out of that car and into yours. Then drive peacefully to the airport and get
your grand.
Mission 2: "FRIENDLY RIVALRY"
Reward: $2,000
Hmm, I wouldn't call it friendly rivalry. VC cabs are stealing your fares, and you
have to teach them a lesson. You need to track down three of their cabs and destroy
them. I would not suggest ramming them, because when they get close to you they
start ramming you. That works to your advantage actually, as you can drive-by them
while they are trying to ram you. But make sure when they catch on fire that you
get away or you will blow up. Not too hard of a mission, and it's the prequel to
the last of the Kaufman Cabs missions.
Mission 3: "CABMAGEDDON"
Reward: $3,000, $5,000 a day for the asset, and a Zebra Cab
This is kinda tricky. You have to fight the VC Taxi Corporation and take them
down. At first, you are instructed to pick up Mercedes, but it's a trap as usual.
This at first is pretty easy, what you do is go to 8-Ball, the yellow marker, get a
bomb on your car, then set it and leave it. The cars will swarm around you, and
then the bomb will explode, destroying all of those stupid taxi drivers. You don't
have to do this, but it will get them off your tail. You have to stay alive for one
minute, and the boss comes in with his Zebra Cab. You will have to kill him
somehow. The easiest way I thought is to jump on top of the taxi when it tries to
run into you, and then press the triangle button. Tommy will fall down and get into
the taxi. Then drive around in it and kill him with his own taxi. Ah, the sweet
smell of victory. Anyway, that's the last mission for the taxi company.
Additional Strategy from Andrew Harper
--------------------------------------
BRING A ROCKERT LAUNCHER!
At the start of the last Taxi company mission just drive around the area (you will
get hit but its okay). When the Zebra taxi comes in just ram him but my taxi blew
up. I got out and moved out the way of the zebra taxi got a good distance and blew
him to pieces with the Rocket Launcher.
Additional Strategy from Andrew Cheung
--------------------------------------
Get the rocket launcher. Drive towards the back of the yard (there is a low wall
there) Wait until the cab is on fire and then get out and get onto the wall. Run
towards the big containers and wait for the explosion. All the cabs should be have
blown up as well but if not you will see them try and reach you but will be stopped
by the container.
If there are more cabs, select the rocket launcher, run past them (staying on the
wall) and then shoot them (one rocket should be enough).
When the boss in his zebra car appears use the rocket launcher to blow him up, I
think it took 2 rockets.
Another strategy from Tony Black
--------------------------------
I have a fun method for completing the Cabmageddon Mission in GTA:VC.
Enjoy!
Before attempting this method, you will need to have done the following
-
Delivered 100 passengers in Taxi R3 missions
Collected 90 hidden packages & stashed a tank in a garage (Vercetti mansion, Hyman
Condo, Sunshine Autos) - or have a rocket launcher handy.
When you sound the horn in the pink light, and the enemy taxis enter the area, drive
towards them, and jump of the gate in the taxi.
Don't worry if it tips over - just get out and get another vehicle.
Go and get your tank. If you don't have a tank, get a rocket launcher - if you have
not collected enough hidden packages for a rocket launcher, get one from a swimming
pool behind a building near between the airport and where this mission should be
played. By the time you return, the Zebra Cab will have entered the fray and will be
locked behind the gate, leaving you to blast it to bits. If the driver gets out
before the zebra cab blows, finish him of to complete the mission.
##Making this mission last even longer##
If you are too close to the area when the Zebra Cab enters and you are on the
outside of the gate, he will turn round and come after you - chasing you everywhere.
Have fun!
Additional Strategy from Frozen Death
-------------------------------------
I found a really easy way to beat it. Just out run all the other cabs, easy enough
if you stay in your cab and dodge them. Then, when the zebra cab comes out, simple
drive down to the area by the water, get out of your car (after he's hit you
and 'bounced back') when he's recovering. Then stand by the water. When he comes
driving at you, jump out of the way, and he will drive into the water.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
xi. The Malibu: Bank Heist
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I thought that the driver mission was one of the hardest in the game. It was really
challenging and I would appreciate other people's ways on how they beat it. In the
Malibu missions, you are organizing a bank heist and there are several people you
need to do this robbery. These next few missions, leading up to the last one, are
to get those people.
Mission 1: "NO ESCAPE?"
Reward: $1,000
You have to get the safecracker in this mission. You have to break him out of
jail. Get into a police uniform; there is one in the locker room in the police
station if you need it. Then go upstairs to find the keycard needed to bust Cam
Jones out. He is in the basement, so go into the pink marker there to get him out.
Now you have a 4-star wanted rating and you have to shrug it off. Get to the
nearest Pay N' Spray to get rid of the rating, and go back to the hotel to get your
grand and his services.
Mission 2: "THE SHOOTIST"
Reward: $2,000
This mission is cool I think. You need to get Phil Cassidy, the weapon specialist.
You need to go through a shooting range and beat his score to get him on your team.
So, go to the downtown AmmuNation and find the pink marker that leads to the back of
the store where Cassidy is waiting. There are three different rooms and you get two
minutes to get as many as you can in each one. The point systems are the closer
ones are one point, the middle ones are two, and the farthest ones are three
points. To get those, you have to shoot down all of the parts of that thing you are
trying to shoot down. If you beat 60, you get 2 grand, him, and the next mission.
Mission 3: "THE DRIVER"
Reward: $3,000
Wow, this is soooo hard. You have to race Hillary to get him for your driver in the
bank heist. Now it might sound easy, but you are driving a Sentinel, and he is
driving a very fast sports car. Sounds hard? Well, you will also have a 2 star
rating to go against. Sounds harder? Well it is hard so get ready. The only way
I've been able to beat it is to keep your foot on the petal at all times, use the
sidewalks often, and try to get him in a crash. Many people have e-mailed me saying
that making him crash will still let him win. Try to get him to crash towards the
end of the course, making it a breeze for you to drive to victory. Once you
complete this tough mission, you are now gonna rob the bank, finally. Also, after
this mission you can complete the Assassin Missions and finish the mission "LOOSE
ENDS."
Alternate Strategy from Chapel
------------------------------
I jumpstarted my wanted level early. When the race started Hillary had great
difficulty keeping up with me. I even checked back with rear viewing once in a
while. I hadn't seen him since Ocean Beach.
You need a three-star wanted level to ensure your success. Four is too much. If
you hit that level the Vice City Police Department will soundly run you into the
ground with their SWAT trucks. Simply walk into the Malibu Club, and use a sword or
a pistol to take out the cop inside and any club denizens in your way. I saw a
sword or pistol b/c it's easy to regulate. I tried the automatic weapons and
explosives and it got me to a four-star.
The police are random, as you know, so it's kind of a hit and miss to make it work.
But it's sure as hell a lot easier doing it this way then having to do it with the
two star (which I noted doesn't really call much to the cop's attention when you
race).
Alternate Strategy from Kyle Lawler
-----------------------------------
I was reading your strategy guide and I used a different method to bet the mission
the driver. I got a hotring racer before the mission and parked it after the first
curve. After the mission started I took off in the sentinel and when I got to the
hotring racer I got out of the sentinel and into the hotring racer. After that it
was just a game of catch-up and I easily beat him.
Additional Strategy from gac.c
------------------------------
I found this mission very, very hard but when I used the PCJ 600 it made it so much
easier. Just get a PCJ 600 and park it at the first turn during the race. Just
follow the instructions on where to park your car found in other strategies. After
you reach the corner just get out of the sentinel and hop on to the PCJ 600. This
will make the race alottttt easier. Just drive the bike carefully but fast making
sure that you dont hit the posts, trees, or other cars coz youll get thrown out of
the bike. I guarantee you youll beat Hillary with a lot of time to spare...
Mission 4: "THE JOB"
Reward: $30,000, and $10,000 a day revenue.
It's finally time to rob this bank, for your $30,000 dollar reward!! That's a lot
of money. But this is a hard mission, so be prepared. Before you leave in the cab,
make sure you got everyone, and then Hillary will take you to the bank, park outside
and wait for your return. Enter the pink marker to the right of the entrance, and
you will change clothes. Now you can go in. You will go upstairs with Cam to
unlock the safe. Guards will attack you so be ready to attack them. BTW, there is
armor in the security monitoring room on the second floor, and a health icon is
located in the manager's office. Then go up the elevator with Jones so he can crack
the safe. He says go back down cause it will take too long. So go back down and
get the manager in a second floor office. Take him upstairs with you and leave him
with Jones. Now an alarm will go off and you will have a 3 star wanted rating.
Hide behind a desk, preferable the one by the stairs so you can see everyone in
front of you. Pick off the SWAT team that comes in through the ventilation shafts
in the ceiling. Once everyone has stopped coming, your cue to leave is a pink
marker by the front doors. Get ready for more shootin'! Once you get outside,
Hillary pulls up...and gets shot. Oh well, what's a mission without driving right?
Shoot all of the people around the car and drive away. Get to a Pay N' Spray ASAP
and then drive back peacefully to the hotel. Mission Completed.
Additional information from Adrian Acuff
----------------------------------------
I noticed that you (among others) said that the reward for the mission "the job" is
$30,000 and other say its $50,000. I personally got $50,000 but when I finished the
mission Cam was dead. When I got back to the place, Tommy and Phil said "Too bad Cam
didn't make it back. Oh well. Hey, more for us!" or something like that. I think
that whether Cam survives or not may determine you reward (Phil has to survive).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
xii. Phil Cassidy: Gun Warehouse
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You get his phone call after the Malibu Missions are done. It is an asset because
after you complete his missions, you get the Gun Warehouse Asset. After he phones
you on the cell phone, you will see a "P" on the map. Go there to start the mission.
Mission 1: "GUN RUNNER"
Reward: $2,000
You have to take down some gunman on wheels and take their weapons. There are four
of them. Go into the Patriot and head towards two of the yellow blips. They are
close together; so they look like one blip, so don't despair. Once you get to them,
use drive-by to shoot the gunman off the trucks. Also, you should blow up the
trucks, otherwise they will chase you. After you do that, smash open the crates and
grab the weapon. Rinse and repeat. Then, go after the arms dealer and kill him in
his small truck. Then the mission will be completed.
Mission 2: "BOOMSHINE SAIGON"
Reward: $4,000, Phil's Place Asset, lots of cool weapons.
This mission is pretty hard. Doing isn't hard, but there is a pretty strict time
limit, and you have to steer very carefully. Somehow, Phil manages to shoot his arm
off, don't ask how. Anyway, you have to drive him to the hospital. Be very
careful, and watch Phil's health. Once you get to the hospital, he says there are
too many police and gang members here. So now you have to take him to his personal
physician. Once you do that, the mission is finally completed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
xiii. Print Works: Counterfeiting
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is the last asset and some of the last couple missions in the game. The Print
Works is 70,000 bucks, and it is worth it. There are two missions in this asset.
Mission 1: "SPILLING THE BEANS"
Reward: $2,000
You need to get some information from a Shipping Officer. Not too difficult. But
first, you need to talk to Kent Paul to see where this guy is. So take the Kaufman
Taxi to the Malibu hotel and talk to Kent Paul. He tells you about the shipping
officer and tells you where he is. Make sure you use the car for this one because
you will need it on the way back. He is located in the Chartered Libertine Lines
boat at the docks in Viceport. Once you go inside there will be some thugs, but
take care of them easily. Once you get to the pink marker at the north end of the
boat, you will get the information, and a 2 star wanted rating. Don't fret, there
is a Pay N' Spray just south of there, so make use of it and drive peacefully back
to Print Works. One more mission!!
Mission 2: "HIT THE COURIER"
Reward: $5,000, and $8,000 a day revenue for the Print Works
You need to intercept the courier and get the plates before anybody else. Go down
by the docks and wait for the courier to land. But before she gets there, eliminate
the lady assassins that are standing around, make sure you don't miss the one on the
roof. Also, to make this mission ten time easier, shoot the tires out from the
car. It will make it much easier to catch the car. Once she gets in take off after
her and destroy her car. The plates will be yellow blips on the map, retrieve them
and take them back to the Print Works. Yay, now you are all done with the side
missions.
---------------
h. Game Script
---------------
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
III. S T O R Y L I N E M I S S I O N S S C R I P T
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Character Key
SONNY = Sonny Forelli AUNTIE = Auntie Poulet
TOMMY = Tommy Vercetti BJ = B.J. Smith
KEN = Ken Rosenberg AVERY = Avery Carrington
BAKER = Mitch Baker DONALD = Donald Love
CORTEZ = Juan Garcia Cortez MERCEDES = Mercedes Cortez
DIAZ = Ricardo Diaz PHIL = Phil Cassidy
CAM = Cam Jones HILARY = Hilary King
STEVE = Steve Scott CANDY = Candy Suxxx
LANCE = Lance Vance UMBERTO = Umberto Robina
KELLY = Ernest Kelly PAUL = Kent Paul
SHRUB = Alex Shrub ALBERTO = Alberto Robina
=======================================================================
1. I N T R O
=======================================================================
Marco's Bistro, Liberty City 1986
SONNY: Tommy Vercetti...Huh! shit.
SONNY: Didn't think they'd ever let him out.
SONNY: He kept his head down, helps people forget.
SONNY: People will remember soon enough.
SONNY: When they see him walking down the streets of their neighborhoods.
SONNY: It will be bad for business.
MAN1: Well, what are we gonna do, Sonny?
SONNY: We treat him like an old friend and keep him busy out of town. OK?
SONNY: We been talking about expanding down South, right?
SONNY: Vice City is twenty-four carat gold these days.
SONNY: The Colombians, the Mexicans, hell,
SONNY: even those Cuban refugees are cutting themselves a piece
SONNY: of some nice action.
MAN2: But it's all drugs, Sonny,
MAN2: None of the families will touch that shit!
SONNY: Times are changing.
SONNY: The families can't keep their backs turned while our enemies
SONNY: reap the rewards.
SONNY: So, we send someone down to do the dirty work for us...
SONNY: and cut ourselves a nice quiet slice. OK?
SONNY: Who's our contact down there?
MAN1: Ken Rosenberg, schmuck of a lawyer.
MAN1: How's he gonna hold Vercetti's leash?
SONNY: We don't need him to.
SONNY: We just set him loose in Vice City,
SONNY: we give him a little cash to get started. OK?
SONNY: Give it a few months.
SONNY: Then we go down,
SONNY: pay him a little visit, right?
SONNY: see how he's doing.
Escobar International Airport, Vice City
KEN: Hey, hey, guys! It's, uh, Ken Rosenberg here! Hey!
KEN: Heh, heh, hey, great, hey!
KEN: Well, uh, I'm gonna drive you guys to the meet, okay?
KEN: Now, I've talked to the suppliers and they are very, huh-ha,
KEN: keen to start a business relationship, so, uh,
KEN: if all goes well, we should, uh,
KEN: be doing very nicely for ourselves, which is, y'know...
KEN: good..
KEN: Okay, so. They're brothers, okay.
KEN: One operates the uh, the business,
KEN: and the other one does the flying.
Vice City Docks
KEN: Ok, that's them in the chopper.
KEN: All right, here's the deal.
KEN: They want a straight exchange on open ground.
KEN: All right? Ok. Stay tight, let's go.
TOMMY: Got it?
MAN: 100% pure grade-A Colombian, my friend.
TOMMY: Let me see it.
MAN: The greens?
TOMMY: Tens and twenties...used.
MAN: I think we have a deal, my friend. HA HA!
TOMMY: Oh Shit!
TOMMY: Go on, get out of here! Drive!
Vice Beach, outside Ken's office
KEN: I poke my head out of the gutter for one freakin' second,
KEN: and fate shovels shit in my face!
TOMMY: Go get some sleep.
KEN: What are you gonna do?
TOMMY: I'll drop by your office tomorrow
TOMMY: and we can start sorting this mess out.
----------------
a. AN OLD FRIEND
----------------
TOMMY: Hello Sonny.
SONNY: Tommy! Tommy, it's been too long.
SONNY: I know, I know. You're just overwhelmed with emotion.
SONNY: Fifteen years - seems like only yesterday.
TOMMY: I guess that's a perspective thing.
SONNY: Hey, doing time for the family is no piece of cake,
SONNY: but the family looks after its own, ok?
SONNY: So, how'd the deal go down - you sitting on some white gold?
TOMMY: Look Sonny, we were set up. The deal was an ambush.
TOMMY: Harry and Lee are dead.
SONNY: You better be kidding me Tommy. Tell me you still got the money.
TOMMY: ...no Sonny...I don't have the money.
SONNY: That was my money, Tommy, MY MONEY!
SONNY: You better not be screwing me Tommy
SONNY: because you know I'm not a man to be screwed with!
TOMMY: Wait Sonny.
TOMMY: You have my personal assurance that I'm going to get your money back
TOMMY: and the drugs.
TOMMY: And I'm gonna mail you the dicks of those responsible.
SONNY: Hey, I already know that. You're not a fool Tommy,
SONNY: but I warn you, neither am I.
SONNY: If it was anybody else you'd be DEAD already.
SONNY: But because it's you, because we got history,
SONNY: I'm gonna let you handle this.
TOMMY: Look, Sonny, you got my word.
TOMMY: I'll be in touch.
=======================================================================
2. K E N R O S E N B E R G
=======================================================================
------------
a. THE PARTY
------------
KEN: Go get some sleep, he says -
KEN: I have been sitting in this chair all night with the lights off
KEN: drinking coffee!
KEN: This is a disaster. We are so screwed, man!
KEN: These gorillas, listen to me, are gonna come down here
KEN: and rip my head off. It's ridiculous!
KEN: I did NOT go to law school for this! Ok,
KEN: now what the hell are we gonna do?
TOMMY: Shut up, sit down, relax. I'll tell you what we're gonna do.
TOMMY: You're gonna find out who took our cocaine -
TOMMY: and then, I'm gonna kill them.
KEN: That's a good idea. That's a GREAT idea.
KEN: Let me think, let me think, let me think.
KEN: OH! There's this retired Colonel, Colonel Juan Garcia Cortez.
KEN: He's the one that helped me set up this deal
KEN: well away from Vice City's established thugs. Ok?
KEN: Now, listen. He's holding his party out in the bay
KEN: on his expensive yacht
KEN: and all of Vice City's big players are gonna be there. OK?
KEN: I have an invite, of course I have an invite,
KEN: but there's no way that I'm going out there,
KEN: sticking my head out the door - no way! Not gonna happen.
TOMMY: I told you, shut up! I'll go myself...
KEN: Ho - whoa, whoa! Hey, I like 1978 too,
KEN: but, y'know, this isn't gonna be a beer and strippers do.
KEN: I mean, no offense, but I think that you might turn heads
KEN: on the runway for the wrong reasons.
TOMMY: What's wrong with the way I'm dressed?
KEN: Ok, look, here. Stop by Rafael's, tell him I sent 'ya.
KEN: He'll make you look respectable.
KEN: OK, go, c'mon...
CORTEZ: Buenas noches.
CORTEZ: I understand you are here on the behalf of Mr. Rosenberg,
CORTEZ: I hope any recent problems have not affected his health, or uh,
CORTEZ: mental well being, Mr...uh?
TOMMY: Vercetti. He's just got a touch of...agoraphobia.
CORTEZ: Excellent, excellent. And you?
TOMMY: I just want my merchandise.
CORTEZ: Ah. It's an unfortunate set of circumstances for all involved.
CORTEZ: Of course I have initiated my own lines of inquiry,
CORTEZ: but such a delicate matter will take time.
CORTEZ: Perhaps we will talk later.
CORTEZ: Meanwhile, let me introduce you to my daughter,
CORTEZ: Mercedes!
CORTEZ: Caramia, could you look after our guest
CORTEZ: while I attend to my necessary obligations?
MERCEDES: Of course, daddy.
CORTEZ: Please excuse me.
TOMMY: Mercedes!?
MERCEDES: You try living with it.
MERCEDES: Anyway, let me point out some of our more distinguished guests...
MERCEDES: That's our congressman Alex Shrub with rising silicone star
MERCEDES: Candy Suxxx...
SHRUB: And have you met my lovely wife Laura? No?
SHRUB: Well, unfortunately she's in Alabama. This is Candy.
MERCEDES: And over there we have the Vice City Mambas' star tight end, BJ -
MERCEDES: always the charmer.
BJ: I blocked down on him and then I put him in a wheelchair!
AVERY: Haha, that is good!
AVERY: Well now, I'm looking at some prime real estate property.
MERCEDES: And that poolside amphibian is Jezz Torrent,
MERCEDES: lead singer with Love Fist.
JEZZ: Can I tell yous - do you know how they play ping-pong in Thailand?
JEZZ: Let me tell you's,
JEZZ: it does not involve a paddle, if you know what I mean!
MERCEDES: Impotent.
MERCEDES: And the chatty trio.
MERCEDES: That sleeping sweat gland is Papa's right hand gimp, Gonzalez
MERCEDES: and the other two are Pastor Richards
MERCEDES: and pseudo intellectual film director, Steve Scott.
STEVE: ...passion with the nympho invaders,
STEVE: when the giant shark comes in and
STEVE: just bites their dicks off!
STEVE: Ha now, you never saw anything like that before, have you?
DIAZ: Colonel!
DIAZ: your parties as ever are a triumph, hahahaha!
DIAZ: I can only apologize for my late arrival.
CORTEZ: Ah, de nada amigo. How do we find you?
DIAZ: Our business is very trying - barbarians at the gates.
DIAZ: A time for rewarding one's friends
DIAZ: and liquidating one's enemies, amigo.
TOMMY: Who's the loudmouth?
MERCEDES: Ricardo Diaz. He's Mr. Coke.
DIAZ: Mercedes!
MERCEDES: Oh, I was just taking my friend back into town.
MERCEDES: Another time, Ricardo!
MERCEDES: Let's get out of here.
MERCEDES: Actually, take me to the Pole Position club.
-------------------
b. BACK ALLEY BRAWL
-------------------
KEN: Ah! Well, I hope you're having a good time.
KEN: Because I'm going out of my mind with worry here. What did you find out?
TOMMY: That there are more criminals in this town than in prison.
TOMMY: We need a lead from the streets...
KEN: Ok, let me think, let me think, let me think -
KEN: AH! I've got it!
KEN: Ok, There's this limey, some music industry slimeball,
KEN: goes by the name of Kent Paul.
KEN: Anyway, he's got his nose so far up most of Vice City's ass
KEN: that if anybody knows the whereabouts of 20 k's of coke,
KEN: it's this guy, all right? He's always at The Malibu.
TOMMY: I'll go pay him a visit.
KEN: take it easy now.
PAUL: Where'd you pop up from?
PAUL: I've been looking for a bird like you for ages, mate...
TOMMY: I'm looking for some English guy...
PAUL: Kent Paul, mate. Yeah, I'm the guvnor 'round here.
PAUL: I sort things out, you know what I mean?
PAUL: I'll treat you. Whatever you want, I'll get you, girl.
PAUL: Don't you worry about a thing, mate.
TOMMY: Get lost, honey.
PAUL: Oi oi oi oi oi!
TOMMY: You Kent Paul? I'm a friend of Rosenberg's...
PAUL: Rosenberg...Rosenberg...Oh, that bonkers ambulance chaser!
PAUL: That guy could defend an innocent man all the way to death row!
PAUL: Give us another drink, bruv.
PAUL: Everybody's a comedian.
TOMMY: Listen to me, I'm missing twenty keys and a lot of cash...
PAUL: Drugs, mate? It's a mug's game.
TOMMY: What do you know about it?
PAUL: Oi oi! What I was coming to was,
PAUL: there's some chef-cum-trumpetshifter
PAUL: who deals out kitchen of a hotel on Ocean Drive.
PAUL: He's been looking real pleased with himself lately.
PAUL: You could go and check him out...?!
TOMMY: I will - and I'll be seeing you around.
PAUL: Yeah, that's right. Go on - walk away, you mug.
PAUL: I'll knock you spark out!
PAUL: Give me a drink - and where's that slut!
CHEF: Hey, whatchoo lookin' at?
TOMMY: You better start talking..
CHEF: Hey, make me, you prick!
LANCE: Oh, way to go, tough guy. Beat him to a pulp.
LANCE: That should make him real chatty.
TOMMY: You want some, too?
LANCE: Hey, chill. I want what you want, brother.
TOMMY: Oh, yeah? And what's that?
LANCE: Your green - and my dead brother's white lady.
LANCE: Unfortunately, you just silenced our lead.
TOMMY: Accidents happen. Get lost.
LANCE: Hey, hey, whoa. No need to go all 'Lone Ranger' on my ass.
LANCE: The way I see it - we two hombres in a strange town.
LANCE: We need to watch each other's back.
TOMMY: My back's just fine, brother...
LANCE: You sure about that? Here, take this.
LANCE: Follow me!
LANCE: We gotta get the hell outta here!
LANCE: One thing you gotta realize about this town. You gotta pack some heat.
LANCE: C'mon, the local gun shop's a couple of blocks away.
LANCE: Tommy, every man needs a little R&R once in a while.
LANCE: This here's the Pole Position Strip Club.
LANCE: You might want to drop in some time.
------------
c. JURY FURY
------------
KEN: Aaah! Oh, for god's sake, it's you! Oh, Jeez - I'm gonna need new pants!
KEN: Hey, those psychos from up north - they've been on the horn,
KEN: and they're coming down here soon.
KEN: Now where is the goddamn money?!
TOMMY: Relax, relax. We're not at that part yet.
KEN: Ohhh... I thought that you were taking care of this, I really did!
KEN: And now those guidos say we gotta do them a favor.
TOMMY: You mean I gotta do 'em a favor.
KEN: Oh, of course that's what I mean.
KEN: Do I look like I can intimidate a jury?
KEN: I couldn't intimidate a child - and believe me, I've tried.
KEN: Now, look. It's either that, or Forelli's cousin, Giorgio,
KEN: gets five years for fraud.
KEN: You gotta take these guys OUT!
TOMMY: I understand. Help the jury change their minds. Don't worry about it.
KEN: No no no no no - NO! I tried that. The jury case didn't go so well,
KEN: so MAKE them change their minds.
-------
d. RIOT
-------
KEN: Avery, it goes without saying... Tommy! Tommy! Any progress?
KEN: No, no, no - tell me later, tell me later.
KEN: Tommy, this is Avery Carrington - I believe you met at the party?
TOMMY: Not in person.
AVERY: Howdy.
KEN: Avery here has a proposition.
TOMMY: Haven't we got other things on our mind?
KEN: I'm trying to keep the wolves from the door,
KEN: so could you please cut me some slack?
KEN: I'm stretched like a wire and even if I'm dead by the end of the week,
KEN: I'd like to think that I didn't die poor.
AVERY: Now just calm down, both of you.
AVERY: Son, you help me and any greaseballs giving you a hard time,
AVERY: I'll see to it they take a long dirt nap.
TOMMY: Ok. What could I do for ya'?
AVERY: This delivery company's got its depot on some prime land.
AVERY: They won't sell.
AVERY: They're hanging on like a big old prairie rat,
AVERY: so we gotta go in there and smoke that vermin out.
AVERY: Head on down there and stir up a hornet's nest
AVERY: - the security will have their hands full
AVERY: and then you can sneak in and put 'em out of business.
KEN: And you could drop by Rafael's for a change of clothes.
KEN: You might be there a while, but yeah, go for it.
TOMMY: Should be a riot.
AVERY: If the balls drop like they should, stop by my office sometime...
=======================================================================
3. J U A N G A R C I A C O R T E Z
=======================================================================
--------------------
a. TREACHEROUS SWINE
--------------------
CORTEZ: Mr. Vercetti!
TOMMY: Colonel.
CORTEZ: Thank you for coming. Please sit. Lobster?
TOMMY: No - thanks.
CORTEZ: I'm ashamed to admit that one of the causes of our mutual problem
CORTEZ: appears to have been the loose tongue of a man I used to trust.
CORTEZ: I've been carrying Gonzalez for years,
CORTEZ: but now his incompetence reaches new heights!
CORTEZ: It is only right that you kill Gonzalez...
TOMMY: Did he do it? It's the money that's important to me.
CORTEZ: For this kindness I'll reward you,
CORTEZ: and then we will find your money together.
CORTEZ: He will be at his Penthouse, half drunk probably. Use this...
----------------
b. MALL SHOOTOUT
----------------
CORTEZ: Tommy! Come, join me.
CORTEZ: This looks delicious, huh? Tapia snout?
TOMMY: Uhhh... no, no. No, thanks.
CORTEZ: Tommy, you are like a pampas breeze
CORTEZ: that has freed me from the stench of corruption,
CORTEZ: although, I must appear to mourn his passing
CORTEZ: and carry on with business as usual.
TOMMY: This isn't getting me any closer to my money...
CORTEZ: Tommy, my friend, you are not in Liberty now.
CORTEZ: Here we do things differently.
CORTEZ: I will continue with my enquiries
CORTEZ: but in the meantime I have a valuable deal to close.
TOMMY: A favor for a friend, Cortez?
CORTEZ: You're a good friend, Tommy. I knew you would not let me down.
CORTEZ: I need you to meet a courier
CORTEZ: who has obtained some valuable technology for me...
COURIER: Ze rain, she is tres wet zis time of the year...
TOMMY: What?
COURIER: Ah, coment?
TOMMY: Look, Cortez sent me. Just give me the damn chips.
COURIER: Oh...d'accord.
COURIER: Freeze, imperialist American pig!
COURIER: Zat iz propertay of ze government Francais. 'And eet over!
------------------
c. GUARDIAN ANGELS
------------------
CORTEZ: Thomas, I appreciate your coming.
CORTEZ: Forgive me for getting straight to business.
CORTEZ: Diaz has asked me to oversee a minor business transaction.
TOMMY: Let's hope it goes better than last time, huh?
CORTEZ: Which is why I thought of you, my friend.
CORTEZ: I've dropped some protection at the multistory carpark.
CORTEZ: Pick it up - then go and watch over Diaz's men at the drop off.
CORTEZ: Gracias, amigo.
LANCE: Hogging all the action, I see...
TOMMY: Look, you wanna do something other than just shadowing me everywhere?
TOMMY: Why don't you come along and show me if you're any use.
LANCE: I might just do that. The name's Lance, by the way.
DIAZ: You must be Cortez's new gun.
TOMMY: Until more gainful opportunities arise.
LANCE: They'll be here any minute - we both better get a good vantage point...
LANCE: OK! I'll take the balcony, you get the roof across the yard.
DIAZ: MY MONEY!
DIAZ: Don't just stand there, you pricks, chase that Haitian dickhead down!
LANCE: Tommy! I'll stay here and watch over Diaz!
DIAZ: I live! Dickheads! And it's all down to you! What is your name?
TOMMY: Tommy.
DIAZ: I see you soon, amigo, I think!
TOMMY: Shit. Where's that guy Lance?
---------------
d. SIR, YES SIR
---------------
CORTEZ: Diaz was pleased, and would like to meet you again.
TOMMY: Is that a good thing?
CORTEZ: Of course!
CORTEZ: Although I'm starting to think that Diaz was responsible
CORTEZ: for our unfortunate loss...
TOMMY: What makes you say that?
CORTEZ: One does not wave accusations at a man like Diaz
CORTEZ: - I'm merely thinking out loud...
CORTEZ: No matter. I have a proposal that you could profit from...
TOMMY: I don't have time to run more errands, Cortez.
CORTEZ: I would have thought a man with such dangerous debts
CORTEZ: would be hungry for opportunities. Please, Tommy, at least hear me out.
TOMMY: Go on...
CORTEZ: I have a buyer for a piece of military hardware
CORTEZ: that is being taken through town. Pick it up for me...
CORTEZ: and once you get it, I want you to call me immediately, then...
--------------------
e. ALL HANDS ON DECK
--------------------
CORTEZ: Circumstances force a hasty departure, amigo.
TOMMY: What's the problem?
CORTEZ: Ehh, the French want their missile technology back
CORTEZ: and after that last incident,
CORTEZ: I feel it is time to find safer harbors.
TOMMY: Wouldn't it be safer to fly?
CORTEZ: I'd be dead before I reached check-in.
CORTEZ: Besides, I need to get my merchandise out of the country.
TOMMY: Need another gun?
CORTEZ: You, my friend, are worth ten guns...
CORTEZ: Thomas, you have protected and served me well.
CORTEZ: But now you must leave us before we reach the open seas.
CORTEZ: I will lower my personal launch.
CORTEZ: Keep it, my friend, a token of my gratitude.
TOMMY: Thank you, Colonel.
CORTEZ: One more request. While I'm away,
CORTEZ: could you keep an eye on Mercedes for me?
TOMMY: I think she could look after herself, but sure, I'll keep an eye out.
CORTEZ: Gracias, amigo. Hasta luego.
TOMMY: Adios, amigo.
=======================================================================
4. R I C A R D O D I A Z
=======================================================================
------------
a. THE CHASE
------------
DIAZ: Come on, baby, go! Yeah! Yeah! Arrrrr!
DIAZ: Stupid horse! I'll chop your head off! Grrrrr...
DIAZ: Who is this dickhead?
TOMMY: Tommy Vercetti. You remember me.
DIAZ: Excuse me. I'm a little anxious. Never trust a goddamn horse!
DIAZ: You do a good job - you work for me now.
TOMMY: I work for money.
DIAZ: As I said, amigo, you work for me now. Shut up.
DIAZ: Some Judas has betrayed me.
DIAZ: He thinks I don't know how much money I should be making,
DIAZ: but stealing 3% is as good as stealing 100%.
DIAZ: No one does this to me. NO ONE!!
DIAZ: You follow him from his apartment and you see where he goes!
DIAZ: Later, we will kill him.
GUY: Ooh shit!
GUY: Too slow grandad!
TOMMY: You better keep on running, asshole!
GUY: Loser.
-----------------
b. PHNOM PENH '86
-----------------
DIAZ: What kind of incompetent fool are you?
DIAZ: FOOL! FOOL! FOOL! FOOL!
DIAZ: Tommy!
TOMMY: What, Ricardo?
DIAZ: These idiots - they always trying to screw you.
DIAZ: That's the problem with this business.
DIAZ: What do you think you're doing?
DIAZ: These pricks have failed me miserably,
DIAZ: Soon any mom and pop will think they can sell gallo in Vice City.
DIAZ: What next, huh? The stinking Mafia?!
DIAZ: That gang place is a fortress at ground level,
DIAZ: so Quentin here - Quentin! QUENTIN!
DIAZ: He'll fly you over the area!
DIAZ: Eradicate them!
DIAZ: What do you think you're doing?
TOMMY: What are you doing here?
LANCE: Hey, I've been asking around and it's obvious
LANCE: that Diaz jumped the deal and iced my brother.
TOMMY: And he'll kill you, too!
LANCE: I can take Diaz!
TOMMY: No - listen to me! I'll handle Diaz -
TOMMY: he's beginning to trust me.
TOMMY: One thing puzzling me, What's with 'Quentin!?
LANCE: I dunno, I always kinda liked it...Quentin Vance...
TOMMY: Vance? Your name's Lance Vance?
LANCE: Hey! I got enough of that at school!
TOMMY: Lance Vance. Poor bastard.
TOMMY: Where the hell are we headed anyway?
LANCE: Prawn Island.
LANCE: You ever fired one of those from a whirly?
TOMMY: No. I'll get a bit of practice on the way though.
LANCE: Ok, we're almost there.
LANCE: We'll make a couple of passes.
LANCE: So take out as many guns as you can.
LANCE: Then I'll set you down and you're on your way.
LANCE: Damn! This is a war zone! Take out some of those gunmen!
LANCE: We're taking hits here, man!
LANCE: This thing ain't cheap to fix! Take them out!
LANCE: Ok, you're on your own from here! Good luck, brother!
-------------------
c. THE FASTEST BOAT
-------------------
DIAZ: Not so pleased with your selves NOW, huh!
DIAZ: Ahahahahaa, Ahahahahaa.
TOMMY: Whoa! Watch where you're waving that thing!
DIAZ: No more pigeon shit on MY car, eh Tommy!
TOMMY: Guess not.
DIAZ: You're damn right. Now listen,
DIAZ: you know who owns the fastest boat on the east coast?
TOMMY: Not off hand, no.
DIAZ: ME. And I want it to stay that way.
DIAZ: Every smuggler from here to Caracas has one dream, a faster boat.
DIAZ: Rumor has it the boatyard has just completed such a vessel.
DIAZ: for some Costa Rican dickhead.
DIAZ: And Tommy...I WANT THAT BOAT!!!
DIAZ: Ah! I thought I got you. Where'd you come from?
DIAZ: Pigeons! Boom! Aaaaah!
TOMMY: I think your pigeons are back.
--------------------
d. SUPPLY AND DEMAND
--------------------
DIAZ: Eject! PLASTIC CRAP!
DIAZ: You doing this to me?
DIAZ: Who do you think you are, you piece of plastic SHIT? Aaarrgh!
DIAZ: SCREW YOU!
DIAZ: It eats my favorite El burro movie, it die!
DIAZ: What else could I do?
TOMMY: It's probably not plugged in.
DIAZ: What?
DIAZ: Damn - no matter, I can buy a hundred more.
DIAZ: Now Tommy,
DIAZ: each month a freelancer sails into Vice City and moors his yacht.
DIAZ: He sells his cargo to the first boat.
DIAZ: I want you to take the speedboat
DIAZ: and beat all the other shitheads to it,
DIAZ: then you bring the cargo here, ok!?
TOMMY: Let me guess, you thought I could use a guardian angel.
LANCE: I'm just saying you need to let me in there, my man.
LANCE: Now you can feed me all this 'lonely tough guy' crap,
LANCE: but I know one day I'm gonna save your ass,
LANCE: and you're probably gonna wanna kiss me!
TOMMY: Wacko.
LANCE: Hahahahahaha!
LANCE: So Tommy, we know it was Diaz busted our deal..
LANCE: So why the hell are we running errands for him?
TOMMY: The more we learn now,
TOMMY: the less we have to learn when we take this town over!
LANCE: I like your style, man. Real fresh.
LANCE: Good shooting, my friend. You're a real, proper, grade A lunatic.
TOMMY: Well, thank you.
LANCE: See you around, Tommy.
TOMMY: Okay, Mr. Lance Vance Dance.
=======================================================================
5. K E N T P A U L
=======================================================================
------------
a. DEATH ROW
------------
PAUL: Awright mush, I'm gonna save your Vera, mate.
TOMMY: What the hell are you talking about?
PAUL: You know that wanker Diaz, the Bugle Master.
PAUL: He's got your boy, Lance. Word is your mate tried to jump him...
PAUL: didn't jump high enough if you know what I mean.
TOMMY: Where did he take him? In plain English?
PAUL: Keep your barnet on! They got him across town at the junkyard.
PAUL: Bloody hell....you nutter!
TOMMY: There goes my careful planning blown to shit, thanks to you.
TOMMY: You screwed up real good, Lance!
LANCE: He killed my brother. What do you expect me to do, mow his lawns?
TOMMY: We're gonna have to take out that prick Diaz before he takes us out.
TOMMY: You ok to use a gun?
LANCE: Sure...I guess...nice to see you, too.
TOMMY: Let's get out of here.
TOMMY: Get patched up and meet me on the bridge to Star Island, ok?
LANCE: Ok, I got you.
=======================================================================
6. V E R C E T T I E S T A T E
=======================================================================
----------
a. RUB OUT
----------
LANCE: I got us some cannons in the trunk.
TOMMY: Holy shit! Where'd you get all this stuff?
LANCE: Been saving it for a rainy day.
LANCE: You like?
TOMMY: Yeah, I like.
TOMMY: DIAZ?! I've come to take over your business!
DIAZ: TOMMY! You betrayed me, you idiot! I'm gonna kill you real soon..
DIAZ: You stupid pricks...
DIAZ: my beautiful house
DIAZ: look what you've done to it!
LANCE: This is for my brother!
DIAZ: I trusted you, Tommy.
DIAZ: I woulda had you made...
LANCE: Say goodnight, Mr. Diaz.
------------
b. SHAKEDOWN
------------
KEN: Oh, we gotta redecorate this place. We gotta make it look older.
KEN: I can't stand this look. Tommy, whadaya say?
KEN: Whadaya say we put a bar in...
TOMMY: You're my lawyer, Rosenberg, not my interior decorator. Got it?
TOMMY: Listen to me,
TOMMY: The time to take over this town is now.
TOMMY: It's all out there waiting for us.
LANCE: We need to start seizing territory,
LANCE: let Vice City know we're the new players in town, know what I'm saying?
AVERY: What you need is a legitimate front Tommy, real estate.
AVERY: It's never done me no harm.
LANCE: We need to start using some muscle
LANCE: or we can kiss all that hard work goodbye.
LANCE: Local businesses know Diaz is dead,
LANCE: and they're refusing to pay protection!
KEN: Ooh! We could try bribery...
TOMMY: Bribery? Screw bribery! I'll show you how to make 'em scared!
TOMMY: I'll be back here in five minutes...
------------
c. BAR BRAWL
------------
TOMMY: What's the problem?
LANCE: Some bar is refusing to pay.
LANCE: They reckon they're protected by a local gang of thugs.
LANCE: But don't worry Tommy, I can handle it.
TOMMY: You call this handling it?
TOMMY: You two, off your asses...
TOMMY: Let's go.
TOMMY: Get in the car, useless.
TOMMY: Your protection needs a little more protection.
OWNER: Aw hell, not again! I don't need this crap!
OWNER: These idiots operate out of DBP Security around the block.
OWNER: You guys just sort it out amongst yourselves.
TOMMY: I'll be seeing you later.
OWNER: Yeah, yeah, whatever.
----------
d. COPLAND
----------
LANCE: You moron! What were you thinking?!
LANCE: Do you realize what this means?!
LANCE: We could all be sunk!
MIKE: The timer must have got screwed.
MIKE: That place was wired to go up like a firework factory.
MIKE: Then somebody tipped off the cops...
TOMMY: what's the problem, fellas?
LANCE: Mike was supposed to torch some place in the mall,
LANCE: but he screwed the fuses and now the cops are crawling all over it.
LANCE: We gotta get our stuff and get out of here!
TOMMY: Relax, both of you, let me think for a second!
TOMMY: Tommy Vercetti just doesn't cut and run.
TOMMY: The cops are gonna be going over that building
TOMMY: with a fine toothed comb, right?
TOMMY: But that takes time.
TOMMY: We gotta go in and torch that place ourselves.
LANCE: Yeah, but...
MIKE: No one but a cop could get within a mile of that place!
TOMMY: So we go as cops.
TOMMY: We gotta get uniforms - and we're gonna need a squad car.
TOMMY: All thanks to you Mike.
MIKE: I'm sorry.
LANCE: I got it.
LANCE: What we got to do is lure the cops in with the finger,
LANCE: put them in a lock-up
LANCE: and jump 'em.
TOMMY: Good plan. Let's go!
MIKE: Alright.
TOMMY: Ok Lance, let's get the cops' attention!
LANCE: Tie 'em up and gag 'em!
LANCE: Ooo. Fits perfectly!
TOMMY: bit tight around the crotch though...
LANCE: Oh yeah yeah, mine too. Mine too.
TOMMY: Remember - smile at the other cops
LANCE: Hey there officer. Nice badge, nice badge.
TOMMY: Real smooth, Lance.
LANCE: Ok, timers are set, 5 seconds and ticking.
TOMMY: 5 seconds?!! We got to get the hell out of here!
=======================================================================
8. F I N A L M I S S I O N S
=======================================================================
--------------------
a. CAP THE COLLECTOR
--------------------
TOMMY: Ok, what's the emergency?
KELLY: Tommy...some mob thugs ...said they'd come to take their cut...
KELLY: ...said it was a Mr. Forello's money...I feel like crap.
TOMMY: Forelli? SONNY Forelli?
KELLY: Yeah, that's the guy...I think...they were very insistent...
TOMMY: I'm not angry with you.
TOMMY: Get him to the hospital.
KELLY: Tommy...rip that guy a new asshole for me...
TOMMY: I'm gonna rip him two!
--------------------------
b. KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE
--------------------------
TOMMY: What's going on?
KEN: Tommy! Oh good, good. Listen, listen. Uh, listen,
KEN: I like fish. I love fish.
KEN: I love them as pets in bowls, or as food on a plate,
KEN: but as much as I love em, I don't want to sleep with them.
KEN: Okay, but right now your Italian brothers are coming from up there
KEN: to fit me with some cement shoes, and I...
TOMMY: Shut up Ken. Sit down.
TOMMY: Lance, what the hell's going on?
LANCE: It's your friends up north Tommy.
LANCE: They ain't too happy you capped their man.
LANCE: They're coming down to see the business today.
TOMMY: They took longer than I thought...
TOMMY: Guys, we gotta make this final
TOMMY: we gotta leave no doubt that this is my operation. Mine!
TOMMY: Ken, you get the first run of counterfeit cash
TOMMY: and put three mil in briefcases.
TOMMY: Lance, you get the guys together...
SONNY: Tommy!
SONNY: What? No big hugs for your old buddy?
TOMMY: I've had fifteen years out of the loop,
TOMMY: I'm a bit rusty on family etiquette.
SONNY: Always angry, eh Tommy.
SONNY: Didn't I say your temper would get you into trouble, huh?
TOMMY: There's three mil in the cases...
SONNY: How many was it? Ten? No, eleven men.
SONNY: That's how you get to be called the Harwood Butcher! Heh-heh-heh!
TOMMY: You sent me to kill one man, ONE MAN. They knew I was coming Sonny...
SONNY: Tommy, Tommy, watch your tone.
SONNY: Anyone would think you blame me
SONNY: for that unfortunate set of circumstances.
TOMMY: Just take the money...
TOMMY: Get the damn cash.
SONNY: You know, Tommy? I did what I could for you,
SONNY: I pulled strings, called in favors.
SONNY: I was your friend, Tommy.
SONNY: I hoped you'd see sense, see what's good for business.
SONNY: I trusted you, Tommy, and you disappointed me.
SONNY: But at least someone in your chicken shit organization
SONNY: knows how to do business,
SONNY: Isn't that right, Lance?
LANCE: I'm sorry Tommy. This is Vice City. This is business.
TOMMY: You sold us out...
LANCE: No. I sold YOU out, Tommy, I sold YOU out.
LANCE: The real cash is upstairs in the safe.
SONNY: Tommy, what was the big plan?
SONNY: You think I'd just take the fake cash?
SONNY: Save face and run away with my tail between my legs?!
TOMMY: No.
TOMMY: I just wanted to piss you off before I kill you.
LANCE: No one to cover your ass now, eh Tommy?
TOMMY: you're going down, you back stabbing prick!
LANCE: Oh you think so?
TOMMY: Come here you double-crossing piece of shit!
LANCE: You're history, Tommy, history
TOMMY: This is the last dance for lance vance!
LANCE: I said I had enough of that at school!
TOMMY: You picked the wrong side, Lance...
TOMMY: You took fifteen years from me Sonny...
TOMMY: And now I'm gonna make you pay!
SONNY: You still don't get it do you!
SONNY: I OWN you, Tommy.
SONNY: Those fifteen years were mine to spend!
SONNY: Get him boys, he never understood a thing.
KEN: Tommy?
KEN: Oh my god, Tommy! What happened?
TOMMY: What does it look like?
KEN: It looks like you ruined your suit!
KEN: and Tommy, that was a beautiful suit! Tommy, what on earth happened?
TOMMY: I had a disagreement with a business associate, you know how it is.
KEN: Tommy, I have a disagreement, I send them an angry letter.
KEN: Maybe I pee in their mailbox. I don't start World War III.
KEN: You know, maybe you should speak to my shrink...
TOMMY: That stupid prick, Lance...
KEN: Tommy. I never liked that guy, okay?
KEN: He's neurotic, he's insecure, he's self-centered - the guy's an asshole!
KEN: I'm glad you took him out!
TOMMY: I don't think we're gonna be getting
TOMMY: any more heat from up north either...
TOMMY: ...'cause there ain't no 'up north', anymore.
TOMMY: It's all down south now.
KEN: Wait, does that mean what I think it means..? Tommy, baby!
TOMMY: What do you think it means?
KEN: That we're in charge... I mean, that you're in charge. Oh, Tommy!
TOMMY: You know, Ken.
TOMMY: I think this could be the beginning
TOMMY: of a beautiful business relationship....
TOMMY: After all, you're a conniving, backstabbing, two-bit thief
TOMMY: and I'm a convicted psychotic killer and drug dealer.
KEN: hehehe
KEN: I know. Ain't it just beautiful?
=======================================================================
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IV. S I D E M I S S I O N S S C R I P T
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
=======================================================================
1. A V E R Y C A R R I N G T O N
=======================================================================
------------
a. FOUR IRON
------------
AVERY: Come in and park yourself on the hide, son.
AVERY: Hell, my daddy used to say, never look a gift horse in the mouth,
AVERY: and by golly, he never did.
AVERY: Would you like a drop of the old Kentucky?
TOMMY: No thanks.
AVERY: A clean thinker! I like that.
AVERY: Now, the property business isn't all about high-falootin' paper pushing.
AVERY: It's about dirt! And the will to claim that dirt! You with me, son?
TOMMY: Oh yeah.
AVERY: Well, I need some tenacious bastard to let go of some dirt,
AVERY: and you look to me like the kind of guy to persuade him.
TOMMY: Persuasion's my forte.
AVERY: Yeh, he'll be down at the country club, down on the golf course.
AVERY: They don't allow guns, so his bodyguards won't be packing lawgivers.
AVERY: Go beat eight tons of crap out of him.
AVERY: Here now - I got you a membership,
AVERY: and boy you're going to need more appropriate clothing.
-----------------
b. DEMOLITION MAN
-----------------
AVERY: Now look here, son.
AVERY: I got a problem and I reckon you could help me with it.
TOMMY: I'm no builder.
AVERY: No, I was thinking more of your demolition skills.
AVERY: Now this here, this is the development as planned and this,
AVERY: this is the property that we're looking at.
TOMMY: You're trying to say this new office block is kind of in the way.
AVERY: You catch on quick.
AVERY: Now I'm going to head out of town for a while
AVERY: and if that office development were to face sudden
AVERY: and insurmountable structural problems, then I..
TOMMY: As a civil minded individual you'd feel obliged to step in and
TOMMY: save the rejuvenation of an important area of the city?
AVERY: Where can I get more guys like you!?
--------------
c. TWO BIT HIT
--------------
AVERY: Tommy, this is Donald Love. Donald, this here is Tommy Vercetti,
AVERY: the latest gunslinger to come to these parts.
DONALD: Yeh...uh...
AVERY: Donald, you just shut up and listen, and you might learn something.
AVERY: Now, nothing brings down real estate prices
AVERY: quicker than a good old-fashioned gang war
AVERY: 'cept maybe a disaster, like a biblical plague or something,
AVERY: but, that may be going too far in this case.
AVERY: You getting this down, you four-eyed prick?
AVERY: Now recently a Haitian gang lord died.
AVERY: Apparently the Cubans did it, nobody's certain.
AVERY: But let's make them certain! You disguise yourself as a Cuban hombre,
AVERY: and head on down to crash that funeral.
AVERY: Mix it up, and then high tail it.
AVERY: You getting this down, Donald?
AVERY: Well, that ought to put the coyote in the chicken coop, huh?
AVERY: And then we'll just sit back, and watch the prices tumble.
=======================================================================
2. L O V E F I S T
=======================================================================
-------------
a. LOVE JUICE
-------------
JEZZ: AllllllllRrrighttt!
PAUL: Yessss! Brilliant, bloody brilliant!
PAUL: Hey, Tommy! Glad you could make it.
PAUL: Hey, you ever met Love Fist before?
TOMMY: No, I haven't but I've always loved your music.
PAUL: Let me introduce you to the band.
PAUL: This is Percy, Dick, and Willy's in the kaze,
PAUL: and that was Jezz in the booth earlier,
PAUL: and guys, I want you to meet a good friend of mine.
PAUL: This is Tommy. We go way back.
JEZZ: All right, pal.
JEZZ: And eh, what was your name again?
PAUL: Leave it out, Jezz you, remember
PAUL: don't be playing them games with me, mate,
PAUL: I'm too crafty for that, sunshine!
PAUL: You see, the thing is, Tom, the boys need some help.
PAUL: They ain't too connected here,
PAUL: they don't have the old 'how's your father?'
JEZZ: We need some drugs, pal!
JEZZ: Gonna get on the old Love Fist fury, you know?!
TOMMY: Well, this is Vice City, man. What's the problem?
PERCY: We need Love Juice, man, you know?
DICK: Love Juice, man!
TOMMY: Love Juice?
JEZZ: Aye, two parts boomshine, 1 part trumpet,
JEZZ: 5 fizz bombs and a liter of petrol.
PERCY: Can you help us out, pal?
PAUL: Aw, it would really mean a lot to the boys.
PAUL: You can do that for the boys, right?
----------------
b. PSYCHO KILLER
----------------
PAUL: Tommy, man. Am I glad to see you!
TOMMY: What's going on?
JEZZ: Bad vibes, Tommy....
PERCY: Aye, I'm not joking, it's heavy stuff man, heavy you know?
JEZZ: There's this cat, we hardly know him, but he knows us.
JEZZ: Like this cat. Knows all about us.
JEZZ: Knows that Willy likes his ladies' underwear, eh!
JEZZ: Or that Percy likes Duran Duran!
PERCY: Shut up ye fool. Just 'cause Jezz bangs sheep.
PERCY: It's a love rocket thing, you know?
PAUL: Oi shut it!
JEZZ: Yeah, the love rocket thing, right. But listen, this cat...
PAUL: yeh, yeh, the guy, he wants Love Fist dead.
PAUL: Dead Tommy.
PAUL: Love Fist gone. You know what they say, the good die young.
PAUL: but Tommy, you gotta save Love Fist!
JEZZ: We got a signing in two hours and I think...
PAUL: And the boys think the stalker's gonna try some monkey business there.
-----------------
c. PUBLICITY TOUR
-----------------
JEZZ: Tommy! Tommy! Tommy, man, that psycho's back!
TOMMY: What's going on?
PAUL: That psycho won't leave Love Fist alone!
JEZZ: You didn't kill him man. And now he's back.
PAUL: Yeah, yeah, yeah, and the thing is...
JEZZ: The thing is, we need someone to drive the limo we can trust,
JEZZ: cause that nutter keeps making threats!
PERCY: I'm shitin' masel' man. I need ma ma!
DICK: We're all bricking ourselves, man.
TOMMY: Okay guys, calm down, I'll handle this.
TOMMY: Normally I wouldn't busy myself with driving around
TOMMY: a bunch of drunken Scottish bisexuals,
TOMMY: but, in your case I'll make an exception.
PERCY: At last man, time for a well earned drink.
DICK: The venue's just a hundred yards down the road.
PERCY: Better make it a large one then. Hey Tommy, change the tunes, man.
JEZZ: I get confused if my head ain't banging.
JEZZ: Ah look, what's this? Hey Tommy, stick this tape on.
PSYCHO: Love Fist. Your time polluting the airwaves is over.
PSYCHO: I gave you the chance to be friends.
PSYCHO: Now, I'm giving you the chance to die.
PSYCHO: Try to slow down and your limousine will explode,
PSYCHO: along with your BIG, HAIRY ARSES!
=======================================================================
3. M I T C H B A K E R
=======================================================================
------------------------
a. ALLOY WHEELS OF STEEL
------------------------
TOMMY: Where's Baker?
TOMMY: I'm looking for Big Mitch Baker...
BAKER: Who's lookin'?
TOMMY: Tommy Vercetti.
BAKER: Vercetti.
BAKER: You don't look like the law, so that's bought you a minute.
BAKER: You better talk fast.
TOMMY: Kent Paul said you might be interested in pulling security
TOMMY: for a gig he's got set up.
BAKER: Kent Paul? Sheesh! No wonder he sent ya.
BAKER: The last time he was here he left through the window
BAKER: in nothing but his limey birthday suit.
TOMMY: Are you interested or not?
BAKER: We only do favors for our own.
TOMMY: How do I join?
BAKER: This ain't no country club, boy. Can you handle a bike?
TOMMY: Can you sit on a stool and drink?
BAKER: Cougar, Zeppelin, go see how this girl handles a bike...
BIKER: All right, fancy clothes. Let's see what you can do.
-----------------------
b. MESSING WITH THE MAN
-----------------------
BAKER: Ah, got ya again.
BAKER: Hey Vercetti.
BAKER: Cougar says you can handle a bike pretty good.
TOMMY: Yeah, how many more errands am I gonna to have to run?
TOMMY: I'm a very busy man.
TOMMY: If it's a fight that's gonna settle this then bring it on.
BAKER: Being one of us ain't just about brawlin'.
BAKER: It's about being part of a family.
TOMMY: Yeah, I've been part of a family before alright. It didn't work out.
BAKER: Yeah, right, but this family takes care of its own.
BAKER: We don't ask a man to do the dirty work
BAKER: and then let him do fifteen years hard time.
BAKER: Yeah, that's right. I've done my homework.
BAKER: This here's the biggest family of misfits, outcasts and badasses.
BAKER: Hell, some of us has even been betrayed by our own country.
TOMMY: I was locked up during 'Nam. Ugly business.
BAKER: Which is why I'm gonna ask you to go mess with the man.
BAKER: This whole damn country needs a kick in the ass,
BAKER: and we're the ones to deliver it.
BAKER: So get out there, grab a bike and show this city how pissed you are!
TOMMY: Alright, alright.
-----------
c. HOG TIED
-----------
TOMMY: Hey there, Mitch.
BAKER: Well, if it ain't 'bad ass' Vercetti.
BAKER: Now I wanna see how good you can fight for your patch.
BAKER: A local street gang made the mistake of stealing my hog...
BAKER: probably because of some machismo thing or somethin'.
BAKER: Me and the boys would go over there
BAKER: and teach them a lesson in respect an'all.
BAKER: Anyways.
BAKER: Then I got to thinking - this would make a good initiation for you.
BAKER: You get my bike back, you can tell Paul he's got his security.
=======================================================================
4. A U N T I E P O U L E T
=======================================================================
----------------
a. JUJU SCRAMBLE
----------------
TOMMY: Hello? Hello?
AUNTIE: Come in, my dear, and rest your soul.
AUNTIE: You must be the big bad man me grandaddy been chattin' 'bout.
AUNTIE: Tells me tings about you, you know, when he visits,
AUNTIE: and about the others who wait for you.
AUNTIE: Now, we all dead for long time, but you,
AUNTIE: I wouldn't want to be in your shoes, ha ha ha ha ha!
TOMMY: I got a message to come here.
AUNTIE: Can you hear dem?
AUNTIE: Dem callin' your name, boy, must want you pretty bad, don't ya tink?
AUNTIE: Now you do old Aunite Poulet a turn, huh, maybe she help you.
AUNTIE: Maybe she can give you a little juju after all of dis.
AUNTIE: Give you some magic to give the law man the stink eye, hmmmmm?
TOMMY: Look, this is all very, um... give me what?
TOMMY: I,I, I think I've got the wrong address...
AUNTIE: Do me these tings, Tommy......
AUNTIE: The Cubans, nasty proud foofoos, mmm,
AUNTIE: been making my lovely Haitian boys shake de heads.
AUNTIE: Now they told the policeman where me been stashing my powders.
AUNTIE: Dey tink it drugs, them stupid.
AUNTIE: Now be a good boy Tommy and go and get the powders for Auntie Poulet.
TOMMY: Yeah, yeah, sure, sure.
--------------
b. BOMBS AWAY!
--------------
TOMMY: Oh, sorry, I - I must have the wrong address...
AUNTIE: Well, you might as well come in and rest your soles and have some tea.
AUNTIE: Do you have something there for me, Tommy?
TOMMY: Yeah...
TOMMY: This place feels familiar to me,
TOMMY: uh - it's - a smell from childhood - a deja vu...
AUNTIE: Now Tommy, I'm going to whisper a lickle errand for you.
AUNTIE: Hear me well, aye?
TOMMY: You look like someone I, I...
AUNTIE: The Cubans have fast boats they use to cross the seas with drugs.
AUNTIE: It is their livelihood.
AUNTIE: Me nephew bin making lickle flying bombs to take dem out.
AUNTIE: Blow de boats to coffin wood.
TOMMY: Thanks for the tea.
-----------------
c. DIRTY LICKIN'S
-----------------
TOMMY: Hello? Hello
TOMMY: uh..I'm looking for somebody around here...
AUNTIE: You looking hungry, Tommy.
TOMMY: Do I know you?
AUNTIE: Hush now.
AUNTIE: One more ting an I can let you go, Tommy.
AUNTIE: My boys gone war wit dem Cuban boys.
AUNTIE: But no guns.
AUNTIE: Hmm, but de Cubans have a surprise comin'.
AUNTIE: While they fight in de streets,
AUNTIE: you take this rifle and kill dem in de hubbub.
AUNTIE: No one sees you, no one hear you.
AUNTIE: Now, Tommy, you do this for me,
AUNTIE: and you no longer tied to my apron strings.
TOMMY: Kay auntie..
=======================================================================
5. U M B E R T O R O B I N A
=======================================================================
-----------------------
a. STUNT BOAT CHALLENGE
-----------------------
ALBERTO: Si, men?
UMBERTO: Hey, easy Papi, this man's for me. You, you the boy?
UMBERTO: Oh yeh. You the boy. I think so, you know?
TOMMY: No. I don't think I do.
UMBERTO: Oh yeah? You come here, tough guy.
UMBERTO: You think you can take me on?
UMBERTO: You think you can play stupid with me?
TOMMY: No, I think you're playing plenty stupid enough for both of us.
ALBERTO: Hey, he call you dumb, son.
UMBERTO: And I call him a little girl, Papi.
UMBERTO: Look at him, all dressed up like that.
UMBERTO: What is this, ladies night?
UMBERTO: You some kind of tough guy, you dress like a woman?
UMBERTO: You got on panties like a woman too, huh?
TOMMY: What you got against women? You prefer men, big boy?
UMBERTO: I like women! I like all women! I love my mother, chico!
TOMMY: Alright, alright, I'll take your word for it. Relax.
UMBERTO: Can you drive, amigo?
TOMMY: Yeah... like a woman.
UMBERTO: Very funny. I like you, big boy. Maybe you can help.
UMBERTO: Maybe you can prove you a man. Huh?
UMBERTO: Take out the boat.
UMBERTO: Show me you got some big cojones,
UMBERTO: and not some little bitty chiquita ones.
RICO: Hey, I'm Rico. You the man with the big cojones?
RICO: Ok man, treat her like a woman.
----------------
b. CANNON FODDER
----------------
TOMMY: Un cafecito, por favor, Alberto..
ALBERTO: No hay problema, Tommy.
UMBERTO: Papi! Un gran problema!
ALBERTO: Umberto my son, what happened?
UMBERTO: The Haitians! I hate these Haitians!
UMBERTO: They mess with me for the last time!
UMBERTO: These Haitians! We take 'em out!
UMBERTO: Only we need some backup.
UMBERTO: I lost a few hermanos already out there.
UMBERTO: Amigo, you drive good!
TOMMY: For a woman. Right?
UMBERTO: This is no time for joking!
UMBERTO: Come on, drive for me again!
UMBERTO: Take my boys over there, and then we'll take these Haitians down!
UMBERTO: They mess with me, they mess with the biggest boy in town!
-------------------
c. NAVAL ENGAGEMENT
-------------------
TOMMY: Alberto. Una cafe, senor.
UMBERTO: Poppa, don't serve this snake in the straw.
UMBERTO: You're two-faced, Tommy!
UMBERTO: You're either two-faced, or you're a wimp, baby boy!
UMBERTO: The Haitians, man. They're laughing at me!
TOMMY: Easy, easy. What's your problem?
UMBERTO: They're laughing at me, Tommy. At me!
UMBERTO: Umberto Robina! They're doing whatever they like!
TOMMY: Nobody does whatever they like, Umberto, they do what you let them do.
UMBERTO: What?
TOMMY: You want somebody taken care of?
TOMMY: I can handle it, but it's gonna cost you.
TOMMY: I know we're brothers and all, but this is business.
UMBERTO: Tommy. You a real man. Businessman, a gentleman.
UMBERTO: These Haitians.
UMBERTO: They have a load of product coming in off shore, really good stuff.
UMBERTO: We take it, and we finish them.
UMBERTO: You take it, and I look after you. Like my brother. Like my son.
TOMMY: I think I prefer the cash to being bounced on your knee, amigo.
----------------
d. TROJAN VOODOO
----------------
UMBERTO: Hey, ladies. You know what I'm gonna do?
UMBERTO: I'm gonna kill me a Haitian. And then?
UMBERTO: And then I'm going to make love like a man.
UMBERTO: You know that, chica? Something like this.
WOMAN1: Loser!
WOMAN2: Prick.
UMBERTO: Hey, baby, I wouldn't touch you with a ten foot pole!
UMBERTO: Umberto Robina, he likes the ladies! Not some goat in a skirt!
UMBERTO: Tommy!! Tommy, I love you, I love you! Let's go!
TOMMY: Go where? Can't I get a cup of coffee first?
UMBERTO: No time for coffee! Besides, I just had one.
UMBERTO: We gonna take out the Haitians.
UMBERTO: Tommy, how do you take out a snake?
UMBERTO: You bite him in the ass! Hahaha!
TOMMY: Whatever you say, Umberto.
UMBERTO: Tommy, you go and get us a little Haitian car.
UMBERTO: When you get it, come back and pick up my boy.
UMBERTO: Pepe, and take him out to the Haitians.
UMBERTO: Then, you go around to the Haitians processing plant,
UMBERTO: and you use their solvent as an explosive.
UMBERTO: Boom! Bye bye!
TOMMY: Umberto, what about you?
UMBERTO: Uhh... I'm going to stay behind, and watch over the cafe with Poppa.
UMBERTO: He not feeling so good. You know?
=======================================================================
6. P H I L C A S S I D Y
=======================================================================
-------------
a. GUN RUNNER
-------------
TOMMY: Phil?
PHIL: RUN!
PHIL: Run!
PHIL: Hoooooweeeeee!
PHIL: Never get a naked flame
PHIL: too close to one of Phil Cassidy's Boomshine stills!
TOMMY: Shit Phil, you drink that stuff?
PHIL: Hell, you don't have to drink it
PHIL: just a good whiff will set you off. Hoowwee!
TOMMY: Listen Phil, you said you could fix me up with some firepower...
PHIL: Sure thing.
PHIL: There's some Mexican gun-runner been doing me for business of late.
PHIL: He does his weekly run about now.
PHIL: Ram his hardware off the back of his trucks before he goes to ground.
PHIL: And you'd be doing me a favor while you're at it.
PHIL: Then finish him off.
-------------------
b. BOOMSHINE SAIGON
-------------------
TOMMY: Hey Phil, how's it goin?
PHIL: Heeyyyy, Tommy. Howyadoin'? Ish been too long...
TOMMY: I swear you should lay off that boomshine, man,
TOMMY: smells like paint stripper. Making my eyes burn...
PHIL: Shshs shhh youshelf Tommy,
PHIL: and come over here because there's someshin'
PHIL: I wanna show you.. someshin.
TOMMY: Woof! God! Should I be able to smell that from way over here?
TOMMY: I'm feeling woozy.
PHIL: Don'tchaworry about the shmell Tommy, you jush wash thish.
PHIL: Shitty-cheap-batteriesh or shumin'. There'sh shum more on the bench.
PHIL: TA-DAAA!
PHIL: Aww Damn!
PHIL: Ha ha ha ha ha!
=======================================================================
7. A S S A S S I N A T I O N M I S S I O N S
=======================================================================
------------
a. ROAD KILL
------------
CALLER: Mr. Teal, your help in eradicating those out-of-towners
CALLER: was invaluable to business. I have more work for you
CALLER: with a more 'hands-on' approach.
CALLER: Your next job is taped under the phone.
-----------------
b. WASTE THE WIFE
-----------------
CALLER: My compliments on a job well done Mr. Teal. My client was very pleased.
CALLER: I have more work for you with a more 'hands-on' approach.
CALLER: Your next job is taped under the phone.
-----------
c. AUTOCIDE
-----------
CALLER: A European gang plans to hit a bank in Vice City.
CALLER: My employers would rather this didn't happen.
CALLER: Each member of the gang has a cover while they are here in Vice City.
CALLER: Some have menial jobs, others are on vacation.
CALLER: Each target and their likely whereabouts are taped under the phone.
----------------------------
d. CHECK OUT AT THE CHECK IN
----------------------------
CALLER: Time to fry bigger fish, Mr. Teal.
CALLER: There's a rifle in the foliage to your right.
CALLER: Watch the woman standing on the balcony above the check-in desks.
CALLER: She will walk through the crowd and ask someone the time.
CALLER: You must kill that person, retrieve his case
CALLER: and take it to the location taped under the phone.
-------------
e. LOOSE ENDS
-------------
CALLER: There is a valuable exchange taking place on the roof
CALLER: of the Cherry Popper Ice Cream Company.
CALLER: Kill everyone involved, steal the merchandise and
CALLER: take it to the helipad at the airport.
CALLER: There is a gate to your left that leads to the back of the factory.
=======================================================================
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
V. ASSET MISSION SCRIPTS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
=======================================================================
1. S U N S H I N E A U T O S
=======================================================================
BJ: B.J. Smith. And you must be Mr. Vercetti.
BJ: Would you like the tour?
TOMMY: Might as well.
BJ: Well, I'm very sad to be selling the dealership to y'all.
BJ: This was my first investment after I turned pro.
BJ: But now it's time for me to move on.
TOMMY: You're leaving town?
TOMMY: Not in too much of a hurry, I hope?
BJ: No. I'm just coming out of retirement,
BJ: and preparing for my future comeback.
BJ: The business wasn't too strong,
BJ: and my staff took it upon themselves to get a bit more
BJ: creative with the generation of wealth.
BJ: Obviously, I could wind down the business before I hand it over.
BJ: Hell, I could burn the place down if I wanted to.
BJ: This is prime development land.
TOMMY: Oh, I wouldn't worry about any of that.
TOMMY: This place seems perfect.
BJ: Yeh it does, So I take it we have a deal?
=======================================================================
2. C H E R R Y P O P P E R I C E C R E A M F A C T O R Y
=======================================================================
LADY: Who are you?
TOMMY: Your new owner.
LADY: Were you now, or at any time, a child?
TOMMY: What are you talking about?
LADY: Were you a child!?
TOMMY: Yes! Calm down! What's wrong with you?
LADY: I knew it. A child.
LADY: A dirty, stinking, sniveling, snotting, vile, puking, crying little baby
LADY: A baby!.. an awful, horrible, disgusting little boo hoo.
LADY: Mommy doesn't love you. You little shit!
TOMMY: Ow! Calm down.
LADY: I HATE babies, and I hate children.
LADY: They're dirty, sniveling, snotting, vile, puking little..
TOMMY: Enough already! What's wrong with you?
TOMMY: You make soft ice cream, okay? It's purely for kids.
TOMMY: What kind of psycho are you?
TOMMY: Just so I understand this, why make children happy if you hate them?
LADY: Oh, you stupid, sniveling, snotty...
TOMMY: Shut up!
LADY: Brat!
LADY: The ice cream is a front.
LADY: We distribute other, non-dairy products.
LADY: And if I see a kid, I put him to good use.
LADY: Don't I, kiddies? Yes - yes, I do. Mummy doesn't love you.
LADY: She HATES you!
=======================================================================
3. B O A T Y A R D
=======================================================================
TOMMY: Hello? Hel-lo?! Hello?
DUDE1: Put it out. There's a dude here.
DUDE1: Hey suit dude! I guess you're the new owner?
TOMMY: Yeah. Which one of the boats is the fastest?
DUDE1: It's already in the water, dude,
DUDE1: I though you might want to try her out.
DUDE2: Dude, she's already running with a 300 horse power engine...
DUDE1: and the fiberglass hull, she just shoots through the waves!
DUDE2: She can do like zero to sixty in four seconds flat dude...
DUDE1: and she can hold like twenty bales
DUDE1: of the best Jamaican smoke right in the hull!
DUDE2: So go ahead dude, she's ready to fly!
DUDE1: Yo yo, uh, suit dude, you gotta light?
DUDE1: Dude? Dude?
=======================================================================
4. K A U F M A N C A B S
=======================================================================
LADY: Guess you're the new owner.
LADY: What are you, mob? Cartel? You don't look Mexican...
LADY: Anyhoo, I guess you better get on with the
LADY: 'things are gonna change around here' crap,
LADY: maybe threaten one of the drivers
LADY: go steady on Ted over there, he's just had his hernia fixed.
TOMMY: Well, yeah. Things are going to change around here, lady.
LADY: Oh crap, sonny. Might as well leave this to me
LADY: I've been doing this for years.
LADY: Now hear this.
LADY: We are now under new management
LADY: and things are going to change around here again.
LADY: Our new management, the -
LADY: Which gang are you?
TOMMY: Well, I'm not part of any gang actually.
LADY: What's your goddamned name, kid?
TOMMY: Vercetti, Tommy Vercetti.
LADY: Our new management, the Vercetti Gang,
LADY: is gonna make sure we get no trouble.
LADY: Capiche? Out!
LADY: Did you like the 'capiche'? I liked the 'capiche'.
LADY: So this is how it's worked in the past,
LADY: We run the firm as usual.
LADY: If we get any trouble from rival firms, you beat the crap out of them.
LADY: Then they beat the crap out of us,
LADY: then you beat the crap out of them,
LADY: etcetera, etcetera. You got it?
TOMMY: Uh, yeah, I guess...
LADY: Just grab a taxi from the garage if you feel like jumping in.
------
a. VIP
------
FEMALE VOICE: Ok, we got a high class fare
FEMALE VOICE: needs picking up from Starfish island - any takers?
TOMMY: Tommy here, I'll take it!
TAXI DRIVER: This is my fare, back off asshole!
TOMMY: Come on come on, Get in, quick!
VIP: Ok, ok! Just don't hurt me!
-------------------
b. FRIENDLY RIVALRY
-------------------
FEMALE VOICE: Calling all cars, we're losing fares all over town.
FEMALE VOICE: What's with you guys?
MALE VOICE: VC Cabs keep beating us to it.
MALE VOICE: They've just got too many cars - we can't compete!
FEMALE VOICE: Mr. Vercetti, if you're out there listening in,
FEMALE VOICE: you gotta put some VC Cabs out of action before we go bust!
--------------
c. CABMAGEDDON
--------------
FEMALE VOICE: Car 13, We got a Miss Cortez, asked for you especially.
TOMMY: Ok, I got it. Car 13 out!
TOMMY: Hmmmm, no sign of Mercedes...
TAXI DRIVER1: It's time for Kaufman Cab's guardian angel to eat some fender!
TAXI DRIVER2: Hey boy I'm gonna tan your hide!
=======================================================================
5. T H E M A L I B U
=======================================================================
-------------
a. NO ESCAPE?
-------------
KEN: Tommy! Hey, Tommy, look at this, this is great!
KEN: I've got us this minibar installed!
TOMMY: We got a whole bar downstairs, Ken.
KEN: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Well, I got the chalkboard you asked for.
TOMMY: Ah, that's the benefit of a law school education;
TOMMY: the ability to follow instructions.
TOMMY: Now, I need a safe man.
KEN: Oh, all right, well, let me think...safe, safe, safe, safe
KEN: I got it! This guy will blow you away!
KEN: Ahh, nah, that schmuck. He's on the inside.
TOMMY: Where inside?
KEN: In a police headquarter cell awaiting transfer.
TOMMY: I think he's about to get paroled....
TOMMY: Cam Jones?
CAM: Yeah, that's me..
TOMMY: I'm busting you out!
CAM: Whatever you say!
CAM: Lose the heat and get me back to my place!
TOMMY: I'm gonna be doing a job and you're my safe cracker.
CAM: Beats losing my ass in a cell!
---------------
b. THE SHOOTIST
---------------
TOMMY: We need a stick up man. You know one?
KEN: Hey, Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, this stuff keeps you sharp, man.
KEN: WoooOOOooo!
KEN: I could be your stick up man! Stick 'em up! Stick 'em up!
TOMMY: You ain't a stick up man, you're an idiot.
TOMMY: Now get yourself a drink and shut up.
KEN: Hey, get outta my way! Yeh yeh yeh - ow ow ow!
CAM: Relax
TOMMY: Cam, what do you think?
CAM: Well, the best shooter in this town is a guy named Cassidy.
TOMMY: Is that so?
CAM: Yeah. A military guy, or he thinks he is.
CAM: I doubt he was ever in the army,
CAM: but he certainly knows how to get a hold of guns.
CAM: He'll be down at the shooting range.
TOMMY: You Phil Cassidy?
PHIL: Why?
TOMMY: I'm looking for a man who can handle a gun.
TOMMY: From this setup, I'm not too convinced.
PHIL: Son, I could shoot a fly off your head at 80 feet.
TOMMY: Oh really?
PHIL: Yeah. I learnt in the army.
TOMMY: Fly shooting real popular in the army? Glad I don't pay tax.
PHIL: You tryin' to be funny kid?
PHIL: Ha ha ha ha ha!
PHIL: Let's shoot.
TOMMY: So you wanna do me a favor, and help me put together a job?
PHIL: Son, after shooting like that,
PHIL: if you asked me to be your wife, I'd say yes.
-------------
c. THE DRIVER
-------------
TOMMY: Things are starting to come together nicely here.
KEN: What's the plan, Tommy? Que pasa, amigo?
TOMMY: The plan is you keep doing that like a moron. Anyhow, we need a driver.
KEN: Tommy, I'll do it. I can drive.
PHIL: You want Hilary, mister. Not some smart-talking law school chump.
PHIL: Hilary's the real deal. You ain't never seen anyone drive so fast.
PHIL: I'll give him a call here.
PHIL: Hey Hil, it's Phil. How's it going? No. don't talk.
PHIL: We'll reminisce later. You want to do me a favor?
PHIL: I got me a guy from up north.
PHIL: No, no, I don't think he was in the service, but he wants a driver.
PHIL: For a bit of action. Okay, I understand.
TOMMY: What'd he say?
PHIL: Well, he'll do it, no problem. Well, there might be a little problem
PHIL: see, he has abandonment issues.
PHIL: Seems he won't work for anyone who can't beat him.
PHIL: Something to do with his momma.
PHIL: Anyway, he wants to race you first, said he'd meet you outside..
HILARY: You Tommy? Of course you're Tommy, I mean,
HILARY: Why else would anyone want to speak to me?
HILARY: OK. Consider it this way;
HILARY: I'll drive for you IF, and only IF, you can drive properly.
HILARY: Leave me alone - and I'll never forgive you.
HILARY: Ok. I'll drive for you, but please, treat me bad.
----------
d. THE JOB
----------
TOMMY: As you can see, gentlemen,
TOMMY: this is going to be the easiest buck we ever made.
KEN: Tommy, seriously, you gotta consider going into law.
PHIL: What the hell are you smoking, man? This ain't no simple plan!
PHIL: Well, who needs a simple plan anyway?
PHIL: Take communism, now that was a simple plan.
PHIL: Didn't do Russia any favors, huh?
TOMMY: Calm down, all right?
TOMMY: With a team like this it's going to be no problem.
TOMMY: We got Cam on safe. Phil? You and me will handle security,
TOMMY: and Hilary'll drive the getaway car.
KEN: Uh, heh heh, aren't you forgetting somebody?
KEN: Somebody who helped you to no end in this town? Somebody who...
TOMMY: Ken... Ken, that's right. Ken here,
TOMMY: he washes the money for us and he keeps the drinks on ice.
HILARY: I don't understand what I am supposed to be doing here.
TOMMY: Look, it's easy. Haven't you ever seen a movie?
TOMMY: We walk into the bank, we wave the gun around, and leave very rich men.
TOMMY: I'll drive.
HILARY: Great. A passenger. Wait 'til I tell the group about this.
CAM: Tommy, Hilary's taking up too much room!
HILARY: I am not!
CAM: Are too!
TOMMY: Hey, shut up you two, or you can get out and walk.
CAM: Yeah - HILARY.
TOMMY: For god's sake, Phil, stop waving that thing around!
TOMMY: Keep driving around the block, OK?
HILARY: Okay, Tommy, okay.
TOMMY: Ok, guys. Nice an easy just as we planned.
TOMMY: THIS IS A RAID!
PHIL: NOBODY MOVE!
TOMMY: EVERYBODY UP AGAINST THAT WALL!
TOMMY: Phil, hold down the fort!
PHIL: Wilco roger that!
TOMMY: Come on Cam, the vault's upstairs...
CAM: Damn! It's a Flange 9000!
CAM: This could take hours to crack,
CAM: Or five minutes if you could find the manager.
TOMMY: I'll go find where he's holed up.
TOMMY: Phil, things still sweet?
PHIL: Sure. Everything's reeaal quiet.
TOMMY: You - you're coming with me!
MAN: Ok! Ok! Just don't shoot!
PHIL: I SAID NOBODY MOVE!
MAN: It's on a time lock,
MAN: You might as well give up now!
CAM: Hell, I can bypass the time lock,
CAM: Then we just need your key code and we're good!
TOMMY: Stay here. You try anything and you're dead.
TOMMY: I'm gonna check on Phil, I'll be right back.
PHIL: I told you not to touch that alarm!
PHIL: The SWAT team will be here any minute!
PHIL: I could do with some help here, Tommy!
POLICE: Vice City S.W.A.T! You are completely surrounded!
PHIL: Surrounded? HA HA HA HAAAAAaaa!
PHIL: They're crapping themselves, corrupt bastards!
CAM: Tommy! The vault's open!
TOMMY: Ok, we got the SWAT retirement fund. Let's get out of here!
POLICE: Ok, you asked for it! You've had your last chance!
PHIL: They're storming the place!
PHIL: Take cover!
PHIL: That's the last of them. GO! GO! GO!
PHIL: Shit! Where's Hilary?
HILARY: Hey guys! Get in! I got you covered!
PHIL: We made it! We're rich! RICH!
MERCEDES: Tommy, would you like a massage?
TOMMY: Well, Hi there, Mercedes! Yeah, I'm a little tense...
PAUL: What'd I tell you Tommy? What'd I tell you?
PAUL: Bent SWAT better watch out when Kent Paul is in town.
PAUL: Come on, gimme a bigger slice, mate, c'mon.
PAUL: I gotta get some new threads.
=======================================================================
6. F I L M S T U D I O
=======================================================================
--------------------
a. RECRUITMENT DRIVE
--------------------
STEVE: Action.
GIRL: Whoa! Now that's big.
MAN: 12 inches. That is regulation baby.
STEVE: CUT!! Who IS this idiot? You! YOU! Why are you in my space? WHY?
TOMMY: What is all this crap?
TOMMY: Aliens? Fishing poles?
TOMMY: Who's ever seen a shark that big?
TOMMY: All this stuff's gotta go.
TOMMY: Why'd you get in this business, ya prick?
TOMMY: Huh?
TOMMY: For the pussy, that's why! What is this??
STEVE: This is my art - SECURITY!
TOMMY: Look, you pompous asshole, I own you now. I own all of this.
TOMMY: We're gonna turn this place around...
TOMMY: I'm gonna make you rich.
STEVE: Uh. You're - You - you're Tommy Vercetti? But I thought that you were...
TOMMY: That's right.
TOMMY: We're gonna be making some changes around here
TOMMY: and start making some real money.
STEVE: Actually, have you ever thought about, umm...
TOMMY: But first we're going to need some good-looking broads.
STEVE: Yeh, girls are fine but you... whew!
TOMMY: Yo, Candy. I'm looking for movie talent - you interested?
CANDY: Sure! But, you'd have to talk to my agent...
PIMP: The HELL are you doin'?
PIMP: You should have stayed at home today!
TOMMY: Hey Mercedes!
MERCEDES: Hey Tommy! You wanna party?
TOMMY: Not now sweets. You interested in doing some movies?
MERCEDES: Of course. As long as it's cheap and sleazy.
TOMMY: Heh heh - you're hired!
MERCEDES: Tommy, you coming in for a warm-up?
TOMMY: Maybe later, babe...
MERCEDES: Whoa, cool shark!
-------------
b. DILDO DODO
-------------
TOMMY: How's filming going, Steve?
STEVE: Well, Candy is a natural and that new girl - she's insatiable!
STEVE: She went through half the cast and crew
STEVE: before I even took a light reading.
STEVE: Anyway, hey, tomorrow we're going on location to shoot the boat scenes
TOMMY: Boat scenes?! What boat scenes?
STEVE: The fishermen are in the throes of passion
STEVE: when this giant shark comes in -
TOMMY: What'd I say about the giant shark?
TOMMY: I said, 'NO GIANT SHARK', alright?
TOMMY: Just keep the cameras pointed at the poontang!
STEVE: Ok ok, hey Tommy, a guy's gotta try, right?
TOMMY: Get those flyers printed up?
STEVE: Yeah, but nobody's gonna let us distribute those things, I mean
STEVE: They're just too, uh, they're unimaginative.
TOMMY: You don't worry about that.
TOMMY: I've got my own ideas for distribution.
STEVE: O.K. Hey, Candy, uh - in my trailer.
--------------------
c. MARTHA'S MUG SHOT
--------------------
TOMMY: Ok, what's the problem now?
STEVE: SSShhhh!
STEVE: Well, after his close encounter with the nympho-invaders,
STEVE: our hero finds himself unable to think of anything
STEVE: but this huge phallic mountain -
STEVE: and that's when I want to do the scene with the vat of mashed potatoes,
STEVE: but then we, uh -
TOMMY: I don't give a crap about that!
TOMMY: J - Just keep going, keep going!
TOMMY: You mentioned something about some legal problem on the phone?
STEVE: Congressman Alex Shrub has jumped on the pre-election bandwagon,
STEVE: he's going after the puritan vote.
STEVE: Rumors are he's gonna support measures to restrict, shall we say,
STEVE: the more fleshy aspects of this nation's great entertainment industry.
TOMMY: Candy! You know Shrub,
TOMMY: you guys get up to anything kinky?
CANDY: Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah! Yes yes yes YES OOOoooh!
STEVE: Please - tell me you got that.
TOMMY: Was that part of the, uh... or was she talking to..?
STEVE: Hey, I can never tell. Anyway...
STEVE: You're probably best following her after the shoot,
STEVE: see if she'll lead you to their new love nest.
TOMMY: You got a camera?
STEVE: Yeah. Get him a camera.
CANDY: Hey!
SHRUB: Uh, Candy, could you call me Martha?
CANDY: Oh Alex - I mean Martha. Whatever you say...
CANDY: Martha, someone's watching.. how kinky.
BODYGUARD: You! Give me that camera!
--------------
d. G-SPOTLIGHT
--------------
CANDY: I'm sorry, but I just can't swallow this right now.
STEVE: Oh COME ON darling!
STEVE: He's hung like a sperm whale for pity's sake,
STEVE: how can you not feel the part?!
CANDY: But Stevie...
TOMMY: How's my star director?
STEVE: Oh, man. The struggle between the artistic integrity and
STEVE: the humping, pumping action continues unabated.
STEVE: And before you ask, yes, all four videos will be released by their...
STEVE: Honey, can you PLEASE keep the anaconda in the shot,
STEVE: he costs more per hour than you do!
CANDY: Oh, sorry Steve.
TOMMY: I was thinking,
TOMMY: we need some kind of big stunt to really promote the launch.
TOMMY: Something that will make a real impact on the City - you got any ideas?
STEVE: Well, in the old days they used to have gala events,
STEVE: stars, limos, the night sky crisscrossed with searchlights...
TOMMY: Searchlights! I've got an idea...
STEVE: ...yeah, yeah, yeah. The little sequined numbers,
STEVE: and the limos, oh, premieres
STEVE: Oh, yes ma'am, of course ma'am,
STEVE: and the press, and the barrage of lights...
=======================================================================
7. P R I N T W O R K S
=======================================================================
---------------------
a. SPILLING THE BEANS
---------------------
KELLY: Mr. Vercetti? Hey. You bought the old print works?
TOMMY: Yeah, my old man used to work on these.
TOMMY: I used to spend the evenings with him, cleaning the rollers...
TOMMY: I was going to follow him in his trade, but...I lived a different life.
KELLY: You planning on selling the old machinery, breaking it down?
TOMMY: I'm thinking we might print something - a newspaper, a magazine...
KELLY: Oh, crap, sonny, low grade crap. I've always fancied printing money.
KELLY: It ain't too hard.
KELLY: You know, I've been doing it on a small scale for years.
TOMMY: Really?
KELLY: Sure. But we'd need some good quality plates.
KELLY: Of course!
KELLY: There's a counterfeiting syndicate already operating in Florida.
TOMMY: A syndicate?
KELLY: Yeah. Just rumors is all I've heard.
TOMMY: I know a man who's good with rumors...
PAUL: Look at the arse on that!
PAUL: Awright girl, it's your loss mate init!
PAUL: Awright me ol'china, how's it hangin'?
TOMMY: What do you know about counterfeiting?
PAUL: Oh I'm fine Paul, how 'bout you?
TOMMY: Come 'ere!
PAUL: Awright! Awright! Awright!! You're obviously a busy man.
PAUL: All I know about dodgy readys is the Triads supply the plates.
PAUL: They've got a shipping company down the docks,
PAUL: the boss man would know when the plates are coming in next!
TOMMY: Thanks...Paul!
PAUL: What's the matter with you, you maniac!
PAUL: Give me another drink, lively!
BOSS: Who are you? Oooof! Aaiieee! Not the face! Not the face!
BOSS: Ok, I talk! I talk!
------------------
b. HIT THE COURIER
------------------
TOMMY: Alright, the courier's moving the plates from the docks today.
TOMMY: I'm gonna go intercept them, grab the plates, lose any heat,
TOMMY: and make my way back here.
TOMMY: Now. Depending how well this goes,
TOMMY: we may have five minutes to print the money
TOMMY: before the counterfeit syndicate finds us, or we may have all year.
TOMMY: Either way, I want green rolling off the presses
TOMMY: five minutes after I get back. Got it?
KELLY: Don't you worry Tommy. We'll be ready.
LANCE: Me an'the boys will be around in the neighborhood
LANCE: case you need any heat taken care of.
TOMMY: All right, everybody cool? All right. I'll catch you later...
THANKS AGAIN TO JASON_C
============
8. Odd Jobs
============
These are what make GTA games great, the side missions to challenge you to get 100%
of the game.
-----------------
a. "R3" Missions
-----------------
-Firefighter
Vehicles: Firetruck
Description--There is a burning vehicle somewhere, press circle to use the hose, and
put out the fire.
Reward for completing: Level 12 = Always Fireproof on foot
-Ice Cream Driver
Vehicles: Mr. Whoopee
Description--People around the town need their ice cream! Drive to them and deliver.
Easiness...
Here is a strategy for doing this easier from Nick McFadden
-----------------------------------------------------------
If you don't want the cops or the gangs on you when you are delivering ice cream,
just go to the nearest bridge after you get the Mr. Whoopie and go up and down the
bridge selling your stuff to the people walking up and down it. No gangs and no cop
cars for miles. When you get a star just stop the music and wait for it to go away,
then start back up, you can get 50 in no time!
Reward for completing: You start making money for that asset after 50 completions
(Thanks to Duncan)
-Pizza Delivery
Available Vehicles: Pizza Boy
Description--Someone needs his pizza! Pick it up from the pizza place and deliver
it to him. For every level, you must deliver one more pizza. You get extra time for
picking the pizza up and dropping it off.
Reward for completing: Level 10 = 150 Max Health
-Paramedic
Available Vehicles: Ambulance
Description--You have a set time limit to drive to a patient on the street, and get
him back to the hospital. For every level you go up, you have to pick up another
patient. You gain time by picking a patient up, and for dropping 3 off. For every
bump you make (hitting something), their life ticks by faster. Drive safely.
Reward for completing: Level 12 = Infinite Sprint
-Taxi Driver
Available Vehicles: Cabbie, Kaufman Cab, Taxi, and Zebra Cab
Description--Find a person who needs to be taxied, then take him to his location in
a certain amount of time. You get money for delivering people faster, and the money
goes up incrementally.
Reward for completing: 100 Taxi Passengers = Hydraulics on all taxi vehicles.
-Vigilante
Available Vehicles: Barracks OL, Enforcer, FBI Rancher, FBI Washington,
Police, Rhino, Hunter, and the SWAT cheetah (thanks to Matt Pinske for the cheetah
information).
Description--You have a set time to find a criminal driving around the city, force
his car to stop by ramming it, flipping it, forcing it to a corner, anything, and
then kill the driver.
Additional Tips from dedbunniez
-------------------------------
During vigilante missions if you drive the tank to the airport and go onto the
runway i found that the vehicles appear right at the same spot and generally i didnt
have to chase the third car. it usually just crashed into the water. I think i got
to level 33 or 34 before i got bored, but that took me about ten minutes or so to do
that. The cars start around the first boarding ramp and they are usually in a line
so you can just use the main gun on the tank. I have only tried this once but it
seemed to work just fine.
Reward for completing: Level 12 = 150 Max Armor
-Brown Thunder
Available Vehicles: Hunter
Description-The same thing as Vigilante missions, but it is with a
Hunter. I would suggest using rockets rather than a machine gun, for obvious
reasons.
Reward for completing: Level 12 = 150 Max Armor
-------------
b. The Arena
-------------
Description: At 20:00, the downtown arena called the Hyman Memorial
Stadium holds racing challenges. There are three different kinds of challenges.
~~~~~~~~~~
Bloodring
~~~~~~~~~~
Description: A demolition-derby style race for checkpoints.
Vehicle: Bloodring Racer
Reward: $1,000 for each time you beat it, and an extra $100 for each car that blows
up, whether you did it or not.
Information/Hints: You use the racer to try to get to all of the checkpoints before
the time goes away. Now usually it isnt that many checkpoints, or they give you
lots of time. The deciding factors are how well you can avoid the other cars, and
how well you can control the car on the slippery dirt surface. There are usually 4
or 5 other cars, and their sole purpose is to come after you. I think it is pretty
tough.
~~~~~~~~~~
Dirt Ring
~~~~~~~~~~
Description: 32 Checkpoints, 1 Sanchez, and No Time Limit
Vehicle: Sanchez
Reward: $50,000 if you beat it in less than 5 minutes
$10,000 if you beat it in less than 10 minutes
$5,000 if you beat it in over 10 minutes
Information/Hints: It is extremely tough to get all of them. Some of them are
really tough to get, and some are easy. Again, there is unlimited time, and if you
dont beat it and want to stop, just get off the bike and enter the pink marker.
The hardest checkpoints to get are the ones on narrow walls or something narrow.
The hardest one is where you have to do a perfectly timed wheelie throughout the
whole jump to get the checkpoint. Good luck, you are going to need it.
~~~~~~~~
Hotring
~~~~~~~~
Description: A 12-lap race
Vehicle: Hotring Racer
Reward: $5,000 for first place
$1,500 for second place
$500 for third place
Information/Hints: This race is a lot like a NASCAR race or something like that,
except using violence and incorporating demolition is encouraged. If your car blows
up, you are disqualified. If you want to leave in the middle, go to the door by the
starting track. You can use pit stops to restore your health, but you could risk
the lead. Also, you can even drive-by shoot the cars. That is about it for this
event.
--------------
c. Cone Crazy
--------------
This is basically a checkpoint race, like the ones from GTA3 with the
Patriot, except in GTA: VC there is only one of these. On the roof of that multi-
story parking lot, on Rafael's clothing store there's a stallion on the north side.
(Kyle S) I do know the rewards and some strategies for it.
The rewards for completing this are $200 the first time, $400 the second time, $800
the third, etc. Basically it doubles every time you complete the checkpoint race.
It is located in Ocean Beach. I will give you directions.
-From Little Havana bridge, head towards Ocean Beach. Turn on the first right and
follow that road until the second left. Turn on that. Pass the first right and
turn right into a little street. It should be on the building to your right.
---------------
d. RC Missions
---------------
These are exactly like GTA3 where you enter a van; in this game it is a Top Fun van,
and you control a mini car, helicopter, or plane. I think it is a really fun part
of the game and even though you only get $100 it is fun as heck. Here we go.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
RC Bandit Checkpoint Race
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This Top Fun van is located on the beach by Vice Point. This is where you drive a
small RC car in a race with others. Try to create your own shortcuts and cut
through some of the course. You have to complete 2 laps around and finish in first
place, or in the least amount of time. If you win, you get $100, and every time
after that you get $100 extra for beating your time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
RC Baron Checkpoint Race
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This Top Fun van is located on the top floor of a car park by the North Point Mall
in Vice Point. You get control of an old-fashioned plane and you get to race with
it. Yay. Again, $100 the first time and every time you beat your record. One lap
this time, but bigger. Always hold the gas or you will dip, and press L2 or R2 to
turn left or right respectively. Get first to land 100 more bucks.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
RC Raider Checkpoint Pickup
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The last Top Fun van is located in the airport, isolated in a corner. It is another
checkpoint mission, this time with a mini helicopter, but you don't race. There are
20 checkpoints throughout the city, and once you get one, it will show you the next
one on the map. Be careful on these, the helicopter can explode pretty easily.
Again, you get $100.
Another way to get to this van by Vido Corleone
-----------------------------------------------
Starting from the bridge furthest south, go along the bridge to the second island.
When you get there cross over the median strip and take a left. At the first road
you come to turn right. Go forward along this road until you come to a fork in the
road. Go left at the fork. Drive along this road until you find a fence with an
opening on your right. Turn in here and there should be the Top Fun van to your
direct left.
------------------
e. Shooting Range
------------------
You need to complete the mission "The Shootist" before you can do this. Go to the
downtown AmmuNation and go to the same place as you did for the shootist.
Basically, you hit as many targets as you can in the time limit, or until you run
out of ammo. Beat the score that says score to beat, and you will get $500. Also,
if you get 45 or better, you will get the Fast Load ability, so you can reload your
weapons faster (obviously).
--------------------------------
f. Street Races and Stolen Cars
--------------------------------
This can be done after you purchase the Car Showroom. You have to do the races
before you can do the Import/Export Garage for the stolen cars. Enter the pink
marker in the garage. In every race, the opponents will drive a Cheetah, Stinger,
and Infernus.
~~~~~~
Races
~~~~~~
-Race #1 - Terminal Velocity
Length: 1.1 Miles
Entrance Fee: $100
Reward: $400
Location: Between Fort Baxter and the airport.
-Race #2 - Ocean Drive
Length: 1.6 Miles
Entrance Fee: $500
Reward: $2,000
Location: All along Ocean Beach, a thin loop.
-Race #3 - Border Run
Length: 2 miles
Entrance Fee: $1,000
Reward: $4,000
Location: East of Fort Baxter in midtown on the mainland.
-Race #4 - Capital Cruise
Length: 2.438 miles
Entrance Fee: $2,000
Reward: $8,000
Location: From the south of Ocean Beach to Washington Beach
-Race #5 - Tour!
Length: 3 miles
Entrance Fee: $5,000
Reward: $20,000
Location: From northern Vice City to the middle of Washington Beach.
-Race #6 - V.C. Endurance
Length: 6.1 Miles
Entrance Fee: $10,000
Reward: $40,000
Location: Pretty much everywhere, it goes all around town.
Tips on races from Raul Acosta
------------------------------
First, you unlock the street racing missions after acquiring the Car Showroom west
of Little Havana, near the road leading to Escobar Airport. Ok, you can try and
complete the races fair and square against the other three seemingly indestructible,
impossibly good drivers. You might actually succeed. But, if you want to just beat
the races, you can do the following. First, get yourself a rocket launcher. Then,
go to the pink marker in the parking area of the showroom and pick a race, any race.
Go to the starting grid. There are usually three other competitors waiting: two in
the front, one in the back with a pink marker for your car at its side. Now, park
your car near its marker. Then get off the vehicle and stand near the pink marker.
Aim the rocket launcher at the middle car in the three-car-formation you'll see from
your aiming reticule. Be sure not to stand too close to the other cars so you wont
blow yourself up in the process. If the shot is good, you'll be able to take out all
three of your rivals. Then, simply get on your car, complete the course, and cash in
the prize. If you don't take out all three of them, at least you'll be able to thin
the competition, so you got to rush to your car and beat the surviving racers. Any
shot from any other weapon (the minigun WON'T do the trick) or a bump from your
vehicle to any of the other racers will set them off immediately before you have a
chance to take 'em out.
Tips on Races from Nav
----------------------
When doing the Auto Dealership street races, a simple way to win is show up to
whatever race you want to do with a Rhino. Right as the race starts and the other
cars start taking off, simply begin shooting the cannon, a couple of good shots
should blow up all the other cars and leave you to simply run the race
independently. If you run the race with the rhino, yeah, you're time will suck, so
you can just get out and get a faster car for the rest of the race.
Tips on Races from Pete Bennett
-------------------------------
I've just discover a magic tip for races...
1. Get rocket launcher
2. Get fast car
3. Park fast car in front of start line
4. Shoot rocket launcher into cars/bikes on start line, destroying them
5. Drive round course at your own pace
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stolen Cars
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pretty much like GTA3, but you don't get all of the cars after you bring them to the
garage, you get a better one and daily revenue as a reward. There are 4 different,
but short, lists you need to fill. If you don't know where to find them look in the
vehicles section to find locations. The single dash marks represent cars needed,
and the equal sign is the reward.
Garage 1
--------
-Landstalker
-Idaho
-Esperanto
-Stallion
-Rancher
-Blista Compact
=Deluxo
Garage 2
--------
-Sabre
-Virgo
-Sentinel
-Stretch
-Washington
-Admiral
=Sabre Turbo
Garage 3
--------
-Cheetah
-Infernus
-Banshee
-Phoenix
-Comet
-Stinger
=Sandking
Garage 4
--------
-Voodoo
-Cuban Hermes
-Caddy
-Baggage Handler
-Mr. Whoopee
-Pizza Boy
=Hotring Racer
------------------
g. PCJ Playground
------------------
Here are directions to it. There is a 2-minute time limit for completing it, and
there are 24 checkpoints. If anyone has any questions on anything else about this e-
mail me.
Contributed by JungleChildX
---------------------------
Ok...if your going north bound on the same road as the Ocean View Hotel, keep going
north until you get the Vice Point Standing building where the road kinks a little
to the west and continues going north towards the Malibu club. And there's a little
curve side road to your right. Right where the road kinks, keep going north up the
grassy hill (not the road) and in the corner of the building sits that beautiful
bike called the PCJ 600.
Contributed by Kyle S
---------------------
In the middle area of the first island.. south of Malibu there is this HUGE
building.. blue and taller than u can fly... .. against this building .. opposite
the beach... there's a bike.. that gives you 2 minutes to get 24 checkpoints.. it
goes through the alley you had to follow that guy who stole Diaz's money.. on the
dirt bike... you get 1000 bucks the first time.. and I think 100 after that...
--------------------
h. Chopper Missions
--------------------
There are four helicopters in Vice City, and they have checkpoint missions attached
to them. Again, you compete against yourself for the best time, so for the first
time and to complete the mission, time is not a factor and take your time to make
sure you complete the mission. The choppers used are all Sparrows. Thanks to Brady
Games for some locations.
-Chopper #1
Location: On a pink rooftop, the same building where you end the PCJ playground
mission in Ocean Beach.
# of checkpoints: ?
Reward: $100
-Chopper #2
Location: On a rooftop in Little Haiti, by an alley with a Police Bribe and a unique
jump.
# of checkpoints: 22
Reward: $100
-Chopper #3
Location: In the backyard of a house in a small neighborhood in Vice
Point.
# of checkpoints: 17
Reward: $100
-Chopper #4
Location: This is a rooftop downtown, the first building you come to in the G-
Spotlight mission.
# of checkpoints: ?
Reward: $100
----------------------------
i. Test Track/Trial By Dirt
----------------------------
There is a dirt track on the northeastern coast. There are actually two races you
can do here, one is with a Sanchez and the other is with a Landstalker. I'm not
sure if you only have to do one of them do get a mission complete, but you do need
to do one of them. You can choose either one of them, but the Sanchez has less
handling and the Landstalker has more handling. The Test Track mission is with the
SUV, and Trial by Dirt is with the Sanchez. Again, like the other RC missions, you
race against your own time. For both of these missions, you get $100 multiplied by
the number of times you beat the specific course.
Test Track
----------
The hardest part about this is to prevent yourself from tipping over. The SUV is
very top-heavy and tips over very easily. When in doubt, use the real brake if it's
getting out of control. But most of the time, it is okay to use the handbrake and
you can create some nice slides because it's on dirt.
Trial by Dirt
-------------
This is harder not only because of the lack of stability, but also because of other
people shooting at you, and there will ALWAYS be rain no matter what. Make sure you
bring an Uzi, because it could get ugly. You also have a very limited amount of
time to get back on a bike when you fall off.
-------------------
j. Beach Ball Game
-------------------
(Thanks to GarciaAshley, January 16, 2003)
In some of the pools behind the other houses on Starfish Island, youll find a beach
ball. Walk over to them and you can kick them around and out of the pool onto a
grassy area for some space. Why? Because if you kick it up and stand under the
shadow of the ball, you can bounce if off your head. You can also go for high
scores by bouncing it off your head the most number of times without letting it
touch the ground or walls. Do not touch the ball with your car while driving,
theyll burst. Look under the stats screen and you can see Highest Score for Keepie-
Uppie Beach ball". My highest so far is 25. If anyone can tell me a reward for a
certain high score like 100, I will try to get it; otherwise, I dont see an
incentive for highest score. I dont see it mentioned as required for 100%
completion of game either.
Beach Ball Update (Thanks to Ken Parkin)
----------------------------------------
It would appear that the beach ball does not count towards the 100%. We had 99% and
did the beach ball but got nothing for it (turned out we hadn't done cone crazy).
=============
9. Vehicles
=============
Pretty much what this game is all about so I thought I would have a section on it.
I will put the locations, speed, handling and cornering. If people know of other
locations PLEASE TELL ME and I will give you credit. Comments are coming soon.
Ratings are out of 10 stars.
---------------
a. Cars/Trucks
---------------
(All locations unless noted are contributed by Jamie Ivany)
-Admiral
Locations: Coming from the west part of Vice City into Starfish Island, turn right
on the first road, and follow it to the last house on the right. You have to get
over their fence to get it. (Thanks to me)
Speed: ******
Handling: ******
Cornering: ******
-Ambulance
Locations: Outside all Hospitals. (Vido Corleone)
Speed: ******
Handling: *****
Cornering: ***
-Baggage Handler
Locations: Right side of main terminal as you look at it from the front
(Seanppk) Around Main Airport terminal. (Jamie Ivany)
Speed: ***
Handling: *****
Cornering: *****
-Banshee
Location: Underground Car Park by Cortez'.
Speed: ********
Handling: ********
Cornering: ********
-Barracks OL
Locations: Fort Baxter Air Base
Speed: *****
Handling: ***
Cornering: ***
-Benson
Locations: From the Pay N Spray in Little Havana, it is just west of it. (Thanks
to me)
Speed: ****
Handling: ***
Cornering: ***
-BF Injection
Locations: Located on the beach in Ocean Beach...Go around to the farthest back
point near the "boardwalk" thing. You will see a bush...(Depending on where you are
coming from) and there will be a BF Injection there, near the house. (Ally Kelley)
Speed: *******
Handling: ******
Cornering: *****
-Blista Compact
Locations: Sometimes be found on the road of the ocean view (Kenneth Karl)
Speed: ******
Handling: ********
Cornering: ******
-Bloodring Racer
Location: Hyman Stadium every third day (only in event) (Jamie Ivany) to get this
one, complete the bloodring racing event at the Arena, and when you complete it and
get 1st place, the car park on the left hand side of the arena will have a constant
supply of bloodring bangers for you (Nick Corrie)
Speed: ********
Handling: ******
Cornering: *****
-Bobcat
Locations: No parked location, they can be easily found in shipyard (R. Bis)
Speed: *****
Handling: ***
Cornering: ****
-Boxville
Locations: No parked location
Speed: ***
Handling: ***
Cornering: ***
-Burrito
Locations: No parked location
Speed: *****
Handling: *****
Cornering: ***
-Bus
Locations: cargo area of the airport (Eric Swartz)
Speed: ***
Handling: **
Cornering: **
-Cabbie
Locations: Sometimes parked in the parking lot at the mall (Kenneth Karl)
Speed: ******
Handling: ****
Cornering: **
-Caddy
Locations: In the final list for Sunshine Autos, you need to get a Caddy. Normally
you'd have to drive one out of Leaf Links, well on the dirt road that leads to the
lighthouse in Ocean Beach, keep an eye on the bushes to your right, there is a caddy
hidden in one of them. You can usually see a bit of blue and some lights (at night)
and whenever you hit Triangle you'll know if you're at the right spot. (Thanks to
Johnny Do)
Speed: **
Handling: *****
Cornering: *****
-Cheetah
Location: Entrance to Cortez' Yacht.
Speed: *********
Handling: ********
Cornering: *********
-Coach
Location: Wait by a Bus stop.
Speed: ***
Handling: **
Cornering: *
Information: Well in the downtown area pick up a coach and drive to a bus stop and
stay there, might have to wait a while but people come and get on the bus which
gives you a $5 bonus...not too much but its still good and its still money. (thanks
to bob dole)
-Comet
Locations: outside the Leaf Links main entrance (Seanppk, Jamie Ivany)
Speed: *********
Handling: ********
Cornering: ********
-Cuban Hermes
Location: Always driving around Little Havana.
Speed: *******
Handling: ******
Cornering: *****
-Deluxo
Location: Sunshine auto's once asset is completed.
Speed: *********
Handling: *********
Cornering: *********
-Enforcer
Location: Get wanted level 3.
Speed: ****
Handling: *****
Cornering: ****
-Esperanto
Locations: No parked location
Speed: ****
Handling: ****
Cornering: ****
-FBI Rancher
Location: Get wanted level 5.
Speed: *******
Handling: ******
Cornering: *****
-FBI Washington
Locations:
1. Parked behind Rock City in the downtown area.
2. The pizza place near the Hyman Condo. First face the pizza place like you are
going to go through the door then take the left alley way and walk around in there
it should be too your right.
Speed: *******
Handling: ******
Cornering: *****
(Locations contributed by Chris Lunt, and bob dole)
-Firetruck
Locations: outside fire stations (Seanppk)
Speed: ****
Handling: ***
Cornering: ***
-Flatbed
Locations: Another location is as far south as you can go on the west island, just
south of the Pay and Spray. (Seanppk)
Speed: ****
Handling: ****
Cornering: **
-Gang Burrito
Location: North Part of Prawn Island.
Speed: *****
Handling: *****
Cornering: ***
-Glendale
Locations: No parked location
Speed: *****
Handling: ******
Cornering: ******
-Greenwood
Locations: No parked location
Speed: ******
Handling: *****
Cornering: *****
-Hermes
Location: East of North point mall, South of 3231 vice point.
Speed: *******
Handling: ******
Cornering: ******
-Hotring Racer
Location: Hyman Stadium
Speed: **********
Handling: ********
Cornering: *******
-Idaho
Location: East of North Point Mall next to 3231 Vice Point.
Speed: ***
Handling: ****
Cornering: ****
-Infernus
Locations: outside the Diaz/Vercetti Mansion (Seanppk, Jamie Ivany) Northpoint Mall
parking place...if you dont see any, destroy a car (blow it up) run into the mall
(located on the second to last floor of the North Point Mall parking) go back out,
and take a look where the car you destroyed was, 90/100% chance...you will find a
new Infernus replacing it! (Daniel Foman)
Speed: *********
Handling: *********
Cornering: *********
-Kaufman Cabs
Location: Kaufman Cabs Company in Little Haiti.
Speed: ******
Handling: ****
Cornering: **
-Landstalker
Location: Dirt Bike track downtown.
Speed: *****
Handling: ****
Cornering: ***
-Linerunner
Location: West of Ship in Vice Point.
Speed: ***
Handling: *****
Cornering: *****
-Love Fist
Location: During Love Fist Mission.
Speed: ******
Handling: *****
Cornering: ****
-Manana
Location: North Point mall car park.
Speed: ****
Handling: ***
Cornering: ****
-Mesa Grande
Locations: No parked location
Speed: ******
Handling: ******
Cornering: *****
-Moonbeam
Locations: No parked location
Speed: ****
Handling: ***
Cornering: ***
-Mr. Whoopee
Locations: at the Cherry Poppers Ice Cream HQ (Seanppk)
Speed: ****
Handling: ****
Cornering: ***
-Mule
Locations: No parked location
Speed: ***
Handling: ***
Cornering: **
-Oceanic
Locations: Parked outside Ocean View Hotel (Seanppk, Jamie Ivany)
Speed: *****
Handling: ****
Cornering: ****
-Packer
Location: In north west corner of film studio lot (Jamie Ivany) In Vice Port at the
Vice Port Authority's lot, and just south of Pay `N Spray. (Vido Corleone)
Speed: ***
Handling: ****
Cornering: **
-Patriot
Locations: At Phil's Place just north of the pizza place on the west island.
(Seanppk, Jamie Ivany) Go to the the film studio and go to where the fake town is
and behind the one side is a Patriot (Anthony Van Den Hemel, Zed Dunn)
Speed: *******
Handling: ******
Cornering: *****
-Perennial
Locations: No parked location
Speed: ***
Handling: ****
Cornering: ***
-Phoenix
Locations: Arena parking lot, and Bunch of Tools in Washington Beach
Speed: ********
Handling: *******
Cornering: *******
-Police
Location: Police Station north of The Malibu.
Speed: ********
Handling: *******
Cornering: *******
-Pony
Location: Parking Lot east of Airport Terminal.
Speed: ****
Handling: ****
Cornering: ***
-Rancher
Location: Vice Point across form construction site. Driving in front of Sunshine
autos. (Thanks to Tommy Vercett)
Speed: *****
Handling: *****
Cornering: ***
-RC Bandit
Locations: (see RC Missions)
Speed: **
Handling: **
Cornering: ***
-RC Baron
Locations: (see RC Missions)
Speed: *******
Handling: *****
Cornering: **
-RC Raider
Locations: (see RC Missions)
Speed: **
Handling: **
Cornering: *****
-Regina
Location: North Point Mall Car Park.
Speed: ****
Handling: ****
Cornering: ***
-Rhino
Location: Fort Baxter's airbase. (Jamie Ivany) Get it after 90 packages. (Vido
Corleone)
Speed: ***
Handling: ****
Cornering: *******
-Romero's Hearse
Location: Romero's funeral Home in little Haiti.
Speed: *****
Handling: ****
Cornering: ****
-Rumpo
Location: Parking Lot of North of Airport Terminal.
Speed: ****
Handling: **
Cornering: **
-SWAT Cheetah
Locations: Only accessible if you get 3 of more stars (Vido Corleone)
Speed: *********
Handling: ********
Cornering: *********
(Thanks to Timothy Andrews for this, and thanks to Vido Corleone for correction to
SWAT Cheetah)
-Sabre
Locations: No parked location
Speed: *******
Handling: *****
Cornering: ******
-Sabre Turbo
Location: Sunshine autos once asset is completed.
Speed: ********
Handling: *****
Cornering: *****
-Sandking
Location: Finish sunshine autos asset.
Speed: *****
Handling: ********
Cornering: ******
-Securicar
Location: DPB security.
Speed: ****
Handling: ****
Cornering: ***
-Sentinel
Locations: inside the Sunshine Autos dealership (Seanppk, Jamie Ivany)
Speed: ****
Handling: ****
Cornering: ****
-Sentinel XS
Locations: From the main airport terminal head east down the road. The road will
curve right and you should keep following it. After it curves you will see a
building on the left and a gated parking lot. It is in the parking lot. (Thanks to
THAguyINgta3)
Speed: ********
Handling: *******
Cornering: *******
-Spand Express
Location: Spand Express Building.
Speed: ****
Handling: ****
Cornering: **
-Stallion
Locations: Shrub covered parking garage, where you meet Lance the second time in the
Guardian Angels mission (Vido Corleone)
Speed: *****
Handling: *****
Cornering: *****
-Stretch
Locations: At Diaz'/Vercetti's mansion next to the steps opposite the Infernus.
(Thanks to Jamie Ivany)
Speed: ****
Handling: ***
Cornering: **
-Stinger
Locations: In the garage of a Starfish Island Mansion (Vido Corleone)
Speed: ******
Handling: ********
Cornering: ********
-Taxi
Location: East of North Point mall.
Speed: ******
Handling: ******
Cornering: *****
-Top Fun
Locations: (See RC Missions for locations)
Speed: *****
Handling: *****
Cornering: ****
-Trashmaster
Locations: In the dump on the western side of the western island.
(Seanppk, Jamie Ivany)
Speed: ***
Handling: ****
Cornering: ****
-Virgo
Location: North Point mall Car Park.
Speed: ******
Handling: *****
Cornering: *****
-Voodoo
Locations: across from auntie poulet near kaufman cabs (pete b)
Speed: ******
Handling: *****
Cornering: ****
Controls: Voodoo controls:
Press L3 to use shocks. Also move (while down) the right stick forward to make your
car's front end go up, or press it backwards to lift the back end up etc. If you
press it up/right your front right shock will go up and the other tires will stay
down. If you use press it back/left the rear left shock will go up etc. (Thanks to
Randall Freels)
-Walton
Locations: No parked location
Speed: *****
Handling: ****
Cornering: ****
-Washington
Locations: No parked location
Speed: ****
Handling: ****
Cornering: ****
-Yankee
Location: Parking Lot of Main Airport Terminal.
Speed: ****
Handling: ****
Cornering: ***
-Zebra Cabs
Location: Kaufman Cab after asset is complete.
Speed: ********
Handling: *****
Cornering: ***
---------------
b. Motorcycles
---------------
-Angel
Locations: Outside the Mitch Baker's gangs hideout just east of where the dual
carriage way splits on the west island (Seanppk, Jamie Ivany)
Speed: ******
Handling: *****
Cornering: ***
-Faggio
Locations: in the alley next to Rosenberg's place. (Seanppk, Jamie
Ivany)
Speed: *
Handling: ****
Cornering: ****
-Freeway
Location: Mercedes' House.
Speed: *******
Handling: *******
Cornering: ****
-PCJ-600
Locations: At the marina next to the water where Cortez' yacht is (Thanks to Jamie
Ivany) North of the Cheetah by Cortez'. (Jamie Ivany) Go downtown...near the greasy
chopper..to the left or right of it(depending on where you are coming from) There is
Howlin' Petes Biker Imporium. Get something to break the window down...from time to
time there may be a PCJ-600 there. (Ally Kelley)
Speed: *********
Handling: ******
Cornering: ****
-Pizza Boy
Locations: Behind or on the side of pizza restaurants near the window if not there
go to another one they regenerate. (bob dole, Jamie Ivany)
Speed: ***
Handling: ***
Cornering: ***
-Sanchez
Location: Dirt bike track downtown.
Speed: ********
Handling: *****
Cornering: *****
---------
c. Boats
---------
-Coast Guard
Locations: Dock along the waterfront in Northern Vice Port (Vido Corleone)
Speed: ******
Handling: *****
Cornering: ***
-Cuban Jetmax
Location: Boat yard. (Thanks to Jamie Ivany for information, and thanks to Vido
Corleone for correction)
Speed: ******
Handling: ******
Cornering: **
-Dinghy
Locations: Dock Across the street from Spand Express Company (Vido Corleone)
Speed: ****
Handling: ****
Cornering: ***
-Marquis
Location: Fly ramp up from Rio near Cortez' yacht.
Speed: *****
Handling: *****
Cornering: **
-Predator
Locations: Down stairwell just before the long bridge in Leaf Links. Off the right
side of the road. (Vido Corleone)
Speed: ****
Handling: ***
Cornering: **
-Reefer
Location: South of Marquis near Cortez' yacht.
Speed: ****
Handling: ****
Cornering: *
-Rio
Location: Docks north of cortez' yacht.
Speed: ****
Handling: ***
Cornering: ***
-Speeder
Locations: No parked location
Speed: *******
Handling: ****
Cornering: **
-Squallo
Locations: Boatyard once it is purchased, next to Cuban Jetmax (Vido
Corleone)
Speed: **********
Handling: *****
Cornering: *****
-Tropic
Locations: Dock next to Mercedes' house near Leaf Links (Vido Corleone)
Speed: ******
Handling: ****
Cornering: **
----------
d. Planes
----------
-Hunter
Location: Fort Baxter air base, you don't need 100 packages.
Speed: **********
Handling: **********
Cornering: **********
-Maverick
Location: Your mansion, and Hyman Condo.
Speed: ********
Handling: *****
Cornering: ********
-Police Maverick
Location: Top of police station downtown.
Speed: ********
Handling: *******
Cornering: *******
-Sea Sparrow
Location: Once you collect 80 packages between the pools behind your
mansion.
Speed: *******
Handling: ****
Cornering: ********
-Skimmer
Location: On wharf behind film studio. (Vido Corleone)
Speed: **********
Handling: ******
Cornering: ***
-Sparrow
Location: 1st building to the east of the police station downtown.
Speed: *********
Handling: ****
Cornering: ***
-VCN Maverick
Location: On top of VCN building.
Speed: ********
Handling: *****
Cornering: ********
Here is another look at car locations from Jnco394, thanks a lot!
CARS
##### Vehicles list provided by AggroSk8er, thanks bud. #####
Vehicles Location
*Admiral Starfish Island, when coming from
the second island turn left on the
first road. It's the first house on
the left. You have to park a car
near the fence, jump on the car,
and then jump over the fence.
*Baggage Handler 1. At the airport just west of the
main building behind the fence.
2. Go behind the main terminal and look SE.
*Banshee On Starfish Island's main road that
connects to the other islands it's
at the western most house on the
north side of the street.
*Benson Coming from Sunshine Auto's head
south. There is a pay' n' spray on
the right. It is just past it on
the left.
*BF Injection Just go east of the Malibu. It's on
the wooden sidewalk (near the
beach) a little bit south.
Blista Compact Usually found driving around
Washington Beach.
*Bloodring Banger On the south side of Hyman Memorial
Stadium after beating the mission
"Bloodring". There are two version
a Glendale and an Oceanic. Both of
them are parked here.
Bobcat Usually found driving around in
Vice Port.
Boxville Usually found driving around
airport.
Burrito Usually found driving around
Downtown.
Bus Usually found driving around inside
the airport gates(where the planes
are).
*Caddy Near the lighthouse there is a small
wooden bridge. Cross it heading towards
the lightnouse and follow the dirt path
that is slightly to the right. It is
hidden in the first set of bushes to
the right.
*Cheetah At the docks in Washington Beach.
Coach Usually stopped at bus stop signs.
*Comet 1. Starfish Island, when you are
coming from the first island take
the first road on the right. Then
enter the second driveway on the
right. It's in the garage.
2. Parked outside of Leaf Links.
Cuban Hermes Driving around Little Havana and
Little Haiti.
*Deluxo After buying Sunshine Autos and
gathering the first list of cars it
will be in the showroom.
Esperanto Usually found driving around Vice
Point.
*Flatbed Go as far SW as you can by road in
Vice Port. Then search SW of that
road.
*Gang Burrito Prawn Island in the northern most
house's driveway.
Glendale Usually found driving around
Downtown.
Greenwood Usually found driving around
Washington Beach.
*Hermes Just south of Rafael's there is an
underground plaza thing. There is one
across the street to the west.
*Hotring Racer After buying Sunshine Autos and
gathering the fourth list of cars
it will be in the showroom.
Idaho Usually found driving around Little
Haiti.
*Infernus 1. Outside of the Diaz's Mansion, just
east of the main steps.
2. Inside the North Point Mall in the NW
corner.
*Landstalker SE corner of the dirtbike track
Downtown.
*Linerunner Head south into Vice Port and when
the road splits go right. You
should see it on the left. It's in
a dirt parking lot.
@Love Fist Is used in a mission for Kent Paul/Love
Fist.
Manana Usually found driving around in
Little Haiti.
Mesa Grande Usually found driving around
Downtown.
Moonbeam Usually found driving around Little
Havana.
Mule Usually found driving around Vice
Port.
*Oceanic Outside of the Ocean View Hotel.
*Packer 1. Inside the film studio, NW corner.
2. In the Port Autority parking lot at the
docks. Thanks to TheBlackAndGreenGuy.
3. Behind the airport terminal.
*Patriot 1. In a hanger at Phil Cassidy's
place.
2. Inside the film studio, SE corner.
Perennial Usually found driving around Vice
Point.
*Phoenix On Starfish Island, when your coming
from the first island take the first
right. It is at the third house on the
right (you can jump the wall).
*Pony Head south into Vice Port and when
the road splits go left. On the
right you should see a dirt parking
lot. It is in the SE corner.
Rancher Usually found driving around Vice
Point.
Regina Usually found driving around Little
Haiti.
@Romero's hearse It is only in the mission "Two Bit
Hit" that you get from Avery.
*Rumpo Behind the Malibu.
Sabre Usually found driving around
Downtown.
*Sabre Turbo After buying Sunshine Autos and
gathering the second list of cars
it will be in the showroom.
*Sandking After buying Sunshine Autos and
gathering the third list of cars it
will be in the showroom.
Securicar In the third assassination (phone)
mission, the second guy has one. It
is locked so you'll have to snipe
him and take it to pay' n' spray,
or you can usually find it driving
around in Vice Port.
*Sentinel In the showroom for Sunshine
Auto's.
*Sentinel XS From the main airport terminal head
east down the road. The road will curve
right and you should keep following it.
After it curves you will see a building
on the left and a gated parking lot. It
is in the parking lot.
@Spand Express 1. Available during the mission "Jury
Fury" for Rosenberg. Thanks to
(Thanks to Paul Rudoff for THAguyINgta3.
telling me about the error 2. Available during the mission "Riot" for
I had here.) Rosenberg.
Stallion Driving around Little Havana and
Little Haiti.
*Stretch Outside of Diaz's Mansion, just
west of the main steps.
*Stinger On Starfish Island, it is parked at
the house to the east of the one
with the R* pool. You have to jump
the fence.
*Top Fun 1. On the beach near the dirtbike
track.
2. On top of the parking garage for the
North Point Mall.
3. In a parking lot near the airport docks.
*Trashmaster In the middle of the junkyard.
Virgo Usually found driving around
Washington Beach.
*Voodoo Outside Auntie Poulet's house.
Walton Usually found driving around in
Vice Port.
Washington Usually found driving around
Starfish Island.
Yankee Usually found driving around Vice
Port.
_______________________________________________________________________
4. MOTORCYCLES
*Angel Outside of the Greasy Chopper.
*Faggio 1. On the sidewalk SE of the police
station in Washington Beach.
2. In the alley north of where you get
Rosenburg's missions. Thanks to
ChocoMog230.
Freeway 1. Usually driving around the Ocean
View Hotel.
2. There is one near Prawn Island. If you
go to Prawn Island then take the Bridge
leading away from the island and
towards the North point mall, then take
the first right and you will see it
next to the first building on the left.
Thanks to Matt Pinske.
*PCJ-600 1. At the docks in Washington Beach.
2. In the parking lot just north of the
Pay'n'spray on the first island.
Thanks to thunderboltisback.
3. Start on the first Island, going north
on the main beachfront road. When the
road turns and joins a parallel road,
keep going straight to the building and
walk the perimeter. You'll find a PCJ.
This is the PCJ used in "PCJ
Playground". Thanks to SpinToWinJim.
4. It can also be found behind a glass
panel at Howlin' Petes Biker Emporium
just across the street from the Greasy
Chopper. Thanks to MadRider.
*Sanchez SE corner of the dirtbike track
Downtown.
_______________________________________________________________________
5. BOATS
*Coast Guard At a jetty just north of the
boatyard.
*Cuban Jetmax At the boatyard after buying it.
*Dinghy At the jetty behind the building
you destroyed in the mission
"Demolition Man". It is likely (but
not confirmed) that it doesn't
appear there until after you have
unlocked the second island.
*Marquis At the dock where Cortez was. When
you finish all of Cortez' mission
the docks will be unlocked.
*Reefer At the dock where Cortez was. When
you finish all of Cortez' mission
the docks will be unlocked.
*Rio At the docks slightly north of
where Cortez was. When you unlock
the second island the docks will be
open.
*Speeder At the dock where Cortez was. When
you finish all of Cortez' mission
the docks will be unlocked.
*Squallo At the boatyard after buying it.
*Tropic At the dock slightly SW of the
Links View Apartments. It is likely
(but not confirmed) that it doesn't
appear there until after you have
unlocked the second island.
_______________________________________________________________________
6. AIRCRAFTS
*Maverick 1. On top of the Hyman Condo Downtown.
2. On top of Diaz's mansion. Thanks to M16.
*Police Maverick On top of the police department
Downtown.
*Sea Sparrow The back deck at Diaz's Mansion
after getting 80 packages.
*Skimmer After buying the film studio and
beating the second mission it will
be parked outside of the NW corner
at the studio docks.
*Sparrow 1. On top of a building slightly NE of
Auntie Poulet's house. The building
has a billboard on top of it that
says "move over Miami".
2. There is a sparrow on the lower office
level of the building used in
"G-Spotlight". Thanks to SpinToWinJim.
3. Across from the Links View Heights
there are apartments. Behind them are
some back yards. It is in the middle
one.
4. On top of the building just south of
the pay'n'spray in Ocean Beach.
*VCN Maverick Dowtown VCN building, when you get
off the bridge from prawn island it
is the first building on the right.
Find the open door that leads to
the roof.
_______________________________________________________________________
7. SPECIAL MISSION VEHICLES
*Ambulance 1. Outside of Ocean View Hospital in
Washington Beach.
2. In the parking lot of the hospital
Downtown.
3. In the driveway of the hospital in
Vice Point.
Barracks OL Get 6 stars and they will chase
you.
Cabbie Usually found driving around
Washington Beach.
Vice Cheetah Get 3 stars and undercover cops will
start chasing you in Cheetahs.
Enforcer Get 4 stars and they will chase
you.
FBI Rancher Get 5 stars and they will chase
you.
*FBI Washington Downtown in the alley behind Rock
City.
*Firetruck Outside of fire station Downtown.
*Hunter After you beat all of the story
missions, or get 100 packages it's
near the back wall of the military
base. If you do both it will be at
the helipad at the south end of the
first island too.
*Kaufman Cab After buying the taxi firm it's
parked inside.
*Mr. Whoopee After you buy Cherry Poppers Ice
Cream shop it will be in the garage
there.
*Pizza Boy Behind the pizza place on the first
island and the one in Little Haiti,
and beside the one Downtown.
*Police 1. Outside of police station in
Washington Beach.
2. Outside of police station in Litle
Havana.
3. Outside of the police station Dowtown.
4. Outside of the police station in Vice
Point.
*Predator Under the SE corner of the bridge
from Leaf Links Golf Club to the
second island.
*Rhino After get 90 packages it's in the
military base.
Taxi Usually found driving around
Washington Beach.
*Zebra Cab After beating the taxi firm's
missions it's parked inside.
----------------------
e. Vehicle Statistics
----------------------
Here is some info from gaius
Here are the real stats of the vehicles; the ones above were comparing the stats to
each vehicle. These are the actual statistics, gotten from the handling.cfg file on
the DVD portion of GTA:VC. As you can see, many of the cars from GTA3 are on the
disc still, as they overwrote the disc from GTA3 to make GTA:VC.
Units
-----
-Vehicle identifier 14 characters max
-Dimensions in meters
-Mass in Kg
-Velocity in Km/h
-Acceleration/deceleration in ms-2
-Multipliers x1.0 is default
-Angles in degrees
-Suspension Levels: (L)ow, (M)edium, (H)igh
-Buoyancy: percent submerged (> 100% vehicle sinks)
-Engine type: (P)etrol, (D)iesel, (E)lectric
-Engine drive: (F)ront, (R)ear, (4)-wheel drive
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Field Descriptions
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The descriptions will come in this order, right now I will explain what each of
these mean.
Vehicle identifier
------------------
It is the name of the vehicle, and it is no more than 14 characters long.
Mass
----
It's the mass of that vehicle, or how much it weighs; it ranges from 1.0 to 50000.0
Dimensions of X
---------------
The dimension of the vehicle lengthwise, and it ranges from 0 to 20.
Dimensions of Y
---------------
The height of the vehicle, and it ranges from 0 to 20.
Dimensions of Z
---------------
The depth of the vehicle, use all three dimensions to get the volume of the car, and
it is also from 0 to 20.
Center Of Mass (X)
------------------
This is where the center of mass is in the car in the X dimension. Ranges from -10
to 10, with zero being in the middle.
Center Of Mass (Y)
------------------
This is where the center of mass is in the vehicle in the Y dimension. It ranges
from -10 to 10 with 0 in the middle.
Center Of Mass (Z)
------------------
This is where the center of mass is in the vehicle's Z dimension. It ranges from -
10 to 10 with 0 in the middle.
Percent Submerged
-----------------
This is in percent, and it is how much the vehicle will submerge underwater if it
falls in it. 100 would mean it is sinking.
Traction Multiplier
-------------------
This is how well your vehicle handles things. The higher the better, from 0.5-2.0
Traction Loss
-------------
This is how much traction you lose when you go onto a slippery surface like dirt or
grass or wet. It is from 0.0 to 1.0
Traction Bias
-------------
This is how much traction power goes to the front wheels when you are slipping.
This also goes from 0 to 1.
Transmission: Number Of Gears
-----------------------------
This pretty self-explanatory, it is the number of gears in the vehicle and it can
range from 1 to 4.
Transmission: Maximum Velocity
------------------------------
This is also pretty easy to understand, but it is how fast the car can go between 5
and 150.
Transmission: Engine Acceleration
---------------------------------
This is how fast the vehicle accelerates, and it is in the units of ms-2. It ranges
from 0.1 to 10.0.
Transmission: Drive Type
------------------------
This is what wheels the car uses to accelerate. I will abbreviate it to make it
easier for me. F=Front Wheel Drive, B=Back Wheel Drive, and 4=4-Wheel Drive.
Transmission: Engine Type
-------------------------
This is what kind of gasoline the engine uses, there for the type of engine.
P=Petrol, D=Diesel, and E=Electric.
Brake Deceleration
------------------
This is pretty much the opposite of acceleration, how fast it slows down. It is in
the same units as acceleration which is ms-2, and it ranges from 0.1 to 10.0.
Brake Bias
----------
This one is kind of weird; it is how much braking power goes to the front wheels.
This goes from 0 to 1.
ABS (Assisted Breaking Mechanism)
---------------------------------
This is simply whether you have it for not. O is no and 1 is yes.
Steering Lock
-------------
This is simply how far you can turn the wheels wither way on the
car/truck/motorcycle.
Suspension: Force Level
-----------------------
I'm not sure what this is, and it has no levels.
Suspension: Damping Level
-------------------------
This is how much the suspension dampens the shocks from the road or whatever you are
driving on. This doesn't have any specific levels.
Seat Offset Distance
--------------------
"Ped seat position offset towards center of car." (Gaius)
Collision Damage Multiplier
---------------------------
How much damage it does to your car compared to others. I.E., comparing a Banshee
with a Linerunner. This goes from 0.2 to 5.0.
Monetary Value
--------------
This is how much the vehicle costs. This stat is used in a couple ways in the
game. It ranges from 1 to 100000 dollars.
Suspension: Upper Limit
-----------------------
How far up the tires can go
Suspension: Lower Limit
-----------------------
How far down the tires can go
Suspension: Bias
----------------
The balance of the suspension between the front and back. No levels are in this one.
Suspension: Anti-drive multiplier
--------------------------------
What is that supposed to mean, how you don't drive? If anyone knows e-mail me.
Flags
-----
The flags are other optional things that are put on some cars. They will be written
in with several options and if I put them with that car that means that the vehicle
has that flag. There are several flags. If anyone has a question on what they
mean, e-mail me and I will tell you until I get the descriptions up.
1: 1G_BOOST
2: 2G_BOOST
3: REV_BONNET
4: HANGING_BOOT
5: NO_DOORS
6: IS_VAN
7: IS_BUS
8: IS_LOW
9: DBL_EXHAUST
10: TAILGATE_BOOT
11: NOSWING_BOOT
12: NONPLAYER_STABILISER
13: NEUTRALHANDLING
14: HAS_NO_ROOF
15: IS_BIG
16: HALOGEN_LIGHTS
17: IS_BIKE
18: IS_HELI
19: IS_PLANE
20: IS_BOAT
21: NO_EXHAUST
22: REARWHEEL_1ST
23: HANDBRAKE_TYRE8
24: SIT_IN_BOAT
25: FAT_REARW
26: NARROW_FRONTW
27: GOOD_INSAND
Front Lights
------------
(0 = long, 1 = small, 2 = big, 3 = tall)
Rear Lights
-----------
(0 = long, 1 = small, 2 = big, 3 = tall)
~~~~~~~~~
The Data
~~~~~~~~~
Cars and Trucks
---------------
Vehicle Identifier: LANDSTAL
Real Name: Landstalker
Mass: 1700.0
Dimensions of X: 2.0
Dimensions of Y: 5.0
Dimensions of Z: 2.0
Center Of Mass (X): 0.0
Center Of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center Of Mass (Z): 0.0
Percent Submerged: 85
Traction Multiplier: 0.85
Traction Loss: 0.85
Traction Bias: 0.51
Transmission: Number Of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 160.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 20.0
Transmission: Drive Type: 4
Transmission: Engine Type: D
Brake Deceleration: 6.2
Brake Bias: 0.60
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 35.0
Suspension: Force Level: 1.7
Suspension: Damping Level: 0.08
Seat Offset Distance: 0.27
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.23
Monetary Value: 25000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.25
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.15
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive multiplier: 0.25
Flags: REV_BONNET, HANGING_BOOT, NEUTRALHANDLING, HAS_NO_ROOF,
HALOGEN_LIGHTS
Front Lights: 0
Rear Lights: 1
Vehicle Identifier: SENTINEL
Real Name: Sentinel
Mass: 1400.0
Dimensions of X: 2.0
Dimensions of Y: 4.9
Dimensions of Z: 1.6
Center Of Mass (X): 0.0
Center Of Mass (Y): 0.2
Center Of Mass (Z): -0.2
Percent Submerged: 75
Traction Multiplier: 0.91
Traction Loss: 0.80
Traction Bias: 0.55
Transmission: Number Of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 165.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 24.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 10.17
Brake Bias: 0.55
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension: Force Level: 1.3
Suspension: Damping Level: 0.13
Seat Offset Distance: 0.2
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.56
Monetary Value: 35000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.27
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.15
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive multiplier: 0.3
Flags: HANGING_BOOT, NO_DOORS, HAS_NO_ROOF
Front Lights: 0
Rear Lights: 1
Vehicle Identifier: PEREN
Real Name: Perennial
Mass: 1200.0
Dimensions of X: 1.9
Dimensions of Y: 5.0
Dimensions of Z: 1.4
Center Of Mass (X): 0.0
Center Of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center Of Mass (Z): 0.1
Percent Submerged: 70
Traction Multiplier: 0.95
Traction Loss: 0.80
Traction Bias: 0.53
Transmission: Number Of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 150.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 13.0
Transmission: Drive Type: F
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 4.17
Brake Bias: 0.80
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension: Force Level: 1.4
Suspension: Damping Level: 0.1
Seat Offset Distance: 0.2
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.60
Monetary Value: 10000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.37
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.17
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive multiplier: 0.0
Flags: 2G_BOOST, HANGING_BOOT
Front Lights: 1
Rear Lights: 1
Vehicle Identifier: LINERUN
Real Name: Linerunner
Mass: 3800.0
Dimensions of X: 2.6
Dimensions of Y: 7.5
Dimensions of Z: 3.5
Center Of Mass (X): 0.0
Center Of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center Of Mass (Z): 0.0
Percent Submerged: 90
Traction Multiplier: 0.95
Traction Loss: 0.65
Traction Bias: 0.4
Transmission: Number Of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 120.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 18.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: D
Brake Deceleration: 8.0
Brake Bias: 0.30
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 25.0
Suspension: Force Level: 1.8
Suspension: Damping Level: 0.04
Seat Offset Distance: 0.65
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.25
Monetary Value: 35000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.40
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.20
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive multiplier: 0.0
Flags: 2G_BOOST, IS_BIKE
Front Lights: 0
Rear Lights: 1
Vehicle Identifier: STINGER
Real Name: Stinger
Mass: 1400.0
Dimensions of X: 1.9
Dimensions of Y: 4.7
Dimensions of Z: 1.5
Center Of Mass (X): 0.0
Center Of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center Of Mass (Z): -0.30
Percent Submerged: 85
Traction Multiplier: 1.2
Traction Loss: 0.85
Traction Bias: 0.52
Transmission: Number Of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 200.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 28.0
Transmission: Drive Type: F
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 11.0
Brake Bias: 0.45
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension: Force Level: 1.8
Suspension: Damping Level: 0.20
Seat Offset Distance: 0.25
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.50
Monetary Value: 35000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.28
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.15
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive multiplier: 0.4
Flags: 2G_BOOST, HANGING_BOOT, NO_DOORS, HAS_NO_ROOF
Front Lights: 1
Rear Lights: 1
Vehicle Identifier: IDAHO
Real Name: Idaho
Mass: 1600.0
Dimensions of X: 1.9
Dimensions of Y: 5.0
Dimensions of Z: 1.7
Center Of Mass (X): 0.0
Center Of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center Of Mass (Z): 0.25
Percent Submerged: 75
Traction Multiplier: 0.75
Traction Loss: 0.70
Traction Bias: 0.52
Transmission: Number Of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 160.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 16.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 6.2
Brake Bias: 0.55
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension: Force Level: 1.0
Suspension: Damping Level: 0.10
Seat Offset Distance: 0.28
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.44
Monetary Value: 20000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.35
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.17
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive multiplier: 0.5
Flags: 2G_BOOST, REARWHEEL_1ST
Front Lights: 0
Rear Lights: 1
Vehicle Identifier: PATRIOT
Real Name: Patriot
Mass: 2500.0
Dimensions of X: 2.4
Dimensions of Y: 5.7
Dimensions of Z: 2.2
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): -0.15
Percent Submerged: 80
Traction Multiplier: 0.92
Traction Loss: 0.78
Traction Bias: 0.5
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 170.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 19.0
Transmission: Drive Type: 4
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 08.17
Brake Bias: 0.50
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.5
Suspension Damping Level: 0.1
Seat Offset Distance: 0.28
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.25
Monetary Value: 40000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.35
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.35
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Flags: REV_BONNET, NO_DOORS, NEUTRALHANDLING, HAS_NO_ROOF
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Vehicle Identifier: FIRETRUK
Real Name: Firetruck
Mass: 6500.0
Dimensions of X: 2.9
Dimensions of Y: 7.7
Dimensions of Z: 3.8
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.0
Percent Submerged: 90
Traction Multiplier: 0.65
Traction Loss: 0.7
Traction Bias: 0.5
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 170.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 22.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: D
Brake Deceleration: 10.00
Brake Bias: 0.45
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 27.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.2
Suspension Damping Level: 0.08
Seat Offset Distance: 0.2
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.26
Monetary Value: 15000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.47
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.17
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Flags: REV_BONNET, IS_BUS, IS_BIG
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Vehicle Identifier: TRASH
Real Name: Trashmaster
Mass: 5500.0
Dimensions of X: 2.9
Dimensions of Y: 8.0
Dimensions of Z: 3.6
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.0
Percent Submerged: 90
Traction Multiplier: 0.58
Traction Loss: 0.8
Traction Bias: 0.5
Transmission: Number of Gears: 4
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 110.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 07.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: D
Brake Deceleration: 03.17
Brake Bias: 0.40
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.4
Suspension Damping Level: 0.06
Seat Offset Distance: 0.45
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.20
Monetary Value: 5000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.45
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.25
Suspension: Bias: 0.55
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Flags: 2G_BOOST, IS_BIG, FAT_REARW, NARROW_FRONTW
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Vehicle Identifier: STRETCH
Real Name: Stretch
Mass: 2200.0
Dimensions of X: 2.0
Dimensions of Y: 7.3
Dimensions of Z: 1.3
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.0
Percent Submerged: 75
Traction Multiplier: 0.67
Traction Loss: 0.8
Traction Bias: 0.5
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 180.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 10.0
Transmission: Drive Type: F
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 10.0
Brake Bias: 0.40
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.2
Suspension Damping Level: 0.07
Seat Offset Distance: 0.2
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.72
Monetary Value: 40000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.35
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.15
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Flags: HANGING_BOOT, NO_DOORS, HAS_NO_ROOF
Front Light Type: 1
Rear Light Type: 1
Vehicle Identifier: MANANA
Real Name: Manana
Mass: 1000.0
Dimensions of X: 2.0
Dimensions of Y: 4.5
Dimensions of Z: 1.4
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.1
Percent Submerged: 70
Traction Multiplier: 1.00
Traction Loss: 0.86
Traction Bias: 0.5
Transmission: Number of Gears: 4
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 160.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 15.0
Transmission: Drive Type: F
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 08.0
Brake Bias: 0.80
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.6
Suspension Damping Level: 0.08
Seat Offset Distance: 0.26
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.50
Monetary Value: 9000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.31
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.11
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Flags: 2G_BOOST
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 0
Vehicle Identifier: INFERNUS
Real Name: Infernus
Mass: 1600.0
Dimensions of X: 2.0
Dimensions of Y: 4.4
Dimensions of Z: 1.3
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): -0.3
Percent Submerged: 70
Traction Multiplier: 0.95
Traction Loss: 0.80
Traction Bias: 0.52
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 240.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 29.0
Transmission: Drive Type: 4
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 11.0
Brake Bias: 0.52
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.8
Suspension Damping Level: 0.19
Seat Offset Distance: 0.37
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.72
Monetary Value: 95000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.25
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.17
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.4
Flags: 1G_BOOST, IS_VAN, HALOGEN_LIGHTS, IS_BIKE, SIT_IN_BOAT,
NARROW_FRONTW
Front Light Type: 1
Rear Light Type: 1
Vehicle Identifier: PONY
Real Name: Pony
Mass: 2600.0
Dimensions of X: 2.0
Dimensions of Y: 6.0
Dimensions of Z: 2.6
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): -0.25
Percent Submerged: 80
Traction Multiplier: 0.85
Traction Loss: 0.70
Traction Bias: 0.46
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 160.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 15.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: D
Brake Deceleration: 6.0
Brake Bias: 0.80
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 2.6
Suspension Damping Level: 0.07
Seat Offset Distance: 0.2
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.50
Monetary Value: 20000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.35
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.15
Suspension: Bias: 0.25
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Flags: 2G_BOOST, IS_VAN
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 3
Vehicle Identifier: MULE
Real Name: Mule
Mass: 3500.0
Dimensions of X: 2.3
Dimensions of Y: 6.5
Dimensions of Z: 3.3
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.5
Percent Submerged: 80
Traction Multiplier: 0.82
Traction Loss: 0.70
Traction Bias: 0.46
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 140.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 12.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: D
Brake Deceleration: 4.5
Brake Bias: 0.60
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 2.5
Suspension Damping Level: 0.11
Seat Offset Distance: 0.46
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.53
Monetary Value: 22000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.30
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.15
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Flags: REV_BONNET, IS_BUS, HAS_NO_ROOF
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 3
Vehicle Identifier: CHEETAH
Real Name: Cheetah
Mass: 1200.0
Dimensions of X: 2.0
Dimensions of Y: 4.5
Dimensions of Z: 1.4
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.1
Center of Mass (Z): -0.3
Percent Submerged: 70
Traction Multiplier: 1.3
Traction Loss: 0.89
Traction Bias: 0.50
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 230.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 32.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 11.1
Brake Bias: 0.48
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 2.2
Suspension Damping Level: 0.20
Seat Offset Distance: 0.40
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.54
Monetary Value: 105000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.25
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.16
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.3
Flags: 1G_BOOST, HALOGEN_LIGHTS, IS_BIKE, SIT_IN_BOAT, FAT_REARW
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 0
Vehicle Identifier: AMBULAN
Real Name: Amublance
Mass: 2600.0
Dimensions of X: 2.2
Dimensions of Y: 6.5
Dimensions of Z: 2.0
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): -0.1
Percent Submerged: 90
Traction Multiplier: 0.95
Traction Loss: 0.80
Traction Bias: 0.47
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 190.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 24.0
Transmission: Drive Type: 4
Transmission: Engine Type: D
Brake Deceleration: 7.0
Brake Bias: 0.55
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 35.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.4
Suspension Damping Level: 0.07
Seat Offset Distance: 0.58
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.33
Monetary Value: 10000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.40
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.15
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Flags: HANGING_BOOT, IS_VAN, TAILGATE_BOOT
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Vehicle Identifier: FBICAR
Real Name: Fbi Car
Mass: 1500.0
Dimensions of X: 2.0
Dimensions of Y: 4.9
Dimensions of Z: 1.6
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): -0.1
Percent Submerged: 75
Traction Multiplier: 0.93
Traction Loss: 0.91
Traction Bias: 0.51
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 190.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 24.0
Transmission: Drive Type: 4
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 10.0
Brake Bias: 0.5
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.6
Suspension Damping Level: 0.12
Seat Offset Distance: 0.24
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.23
Monetary Value: 18000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.27
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.19
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.3
Flags: HANGING_BOOT, NO_DOORS, HAS_NO_ROOF
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 2
Vehicle Identifier: MOONBEAM
Real Name: Moonbeam
Mass: 2000.0
Dimensions of X: 2.2
Dimensions of Y: 5.5
Dimensions of Z: 2.5
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.1
Percent Submerged: 85
Traction Multiplier: 0.9
Traction Loss: 0.8
Traction Bias: 0.47
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 150.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 15.0
Transmission: Drive Type: F
Transmission: Engine Type: D
Brake Deceleration: 5.5
Brake Bias: 0.6
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.4
Suspension Damping Level: 0.1
Seat Offset Distance: 0.2
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.75
Monetary Value: 16000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.35
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.15
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Flags: 2G_BOOST, HANGING_BOOT
Front Light Type: 1
Rear Light Type: 3
Vehicle Identifier: ESPERANT
Real Name: Esperanto
Mass: 1800.0
Dimensions of X: 2.0
Dimensions of Y: 5.0
Dimensions of Z: 1.6
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.0
Percent Submerged: 70
Traction Multiplier: 0.90
Traction Loss: 0.8
Traction Bias: 0.52
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 160.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 18.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 3.4
Brake Bias: 0.60
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 28.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.0
Suspension Damping Level: 0.05
Seat Offset Distance: 0.36
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.54
Monetary Value: 19000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.35
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.18
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Flags: 1G_BOOST
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 3
Vehicle Identifier: TAXI
Real Name: Taxi
Mass: 1450.0
Dimensions of X: 2.1
Dimensions of Y: 5.4
Dimensions of Z: 1.6
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): -0.25
Percent Submerged: 75
Traction Multiplier: 1.00
Traction Loss: 0.8
Traction Bias: 0.52
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 180.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 19.0
Transmission: Drive Type: F
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 9.1
Brake Bias: 0.60
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 35.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.4
Suspension Damping Level: 0.1
Seat Offset Distance: 0.2
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.51
Monetary Value: 20000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.25
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.15
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Flags: HANGING_BOOT, HAS_NO_ROOF
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Vehicle Identifier: KURUMA
Real Name: Kuruma
Mass: 1500.0
Dimensions of X: 1.9
Dimensions of Y: 4.9
Dimensions of Z: 1.4
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.15
Percent Submerged: 75
Traction Multiplier: 0.87
Traction Loss: 0.85
Traction Bias: 0.48
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 180.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 17.0
Transmission: Drive Type: F
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 7.17
Brake Bias: 0.55
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.6
Suspension Damping Level: 0.1
Seat Offset Distance: 0.24
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.60
Monetary Value: 18000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.27
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.13
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Flags: HANGING_BOOT, HAS_NO_ROOF
Front Light Type: 1
Rear Light Type: 1
Vehicle Identifier: BOBCAT
Real Name: Bobcat
Mass: 2000.0
Dimensions of X: 2.1
Dimensions of Y: 5.0
Dimensions of Z: 2.3
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.3
Center of Mass (Z): 0.0
Percent Submerged: 75
Traction Multiplier: 0.90
Traction Loss: 0.76
Traction Bias: 0.57
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 165.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 17.0
Transmission: Drive Type: 4
Transmission: Engine Type: D
Brake Deceleration: 8.5
Brake Bias: 0.5
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 35.0
Suspension Force Level: 2.0
Suspension Damping Level: 0.12
Seat Offset Distance: 0.26
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.20
Monetary Value: 26000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.35
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.29
Suspension: Bias: 0.4
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Flags: 1G_BOOST, IS_HELI, IS_BOAT, NARROW_FRONTW
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Vehicle Identifier: MRWHOOP
Real Name: Mr. Whoopee
Mass: 1700.0
Dimensions of X: 2.0
Dimensions of Y: 5.0
Dimensions of Z: 2.5
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.0
Percent Submerged: 85
Traction Multiplier: 0.75
Traction Loss: 0.75
Traction Bias: 0.5
Transmission: Number of Gears: 4
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 145.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 12.0
Transmission: Drive Type: F
Transmission: Engine Type: D
Brake Deceleration: 4.17
Brake Bias: 0.80
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 35.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.2
Suspension Damping Level: 0.1
Seat Offset Distance: 0.24
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.77
Monetary Value: 29000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.35
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.15
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Flags: REV_BONNET, IS_BUS, HAS_NO_ROOF
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Vehicle Identifier: BFINJECT
Real Name: BF Injection
Mass: 800.0
Dimensions of X: 2.0
Dimensions of Y: 3.5
Dimensions of Z: 1.5
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.2
Center of Mass (Z): 0.0
Percent Submerged: 80
Traction Multiplier: 1.20
Traction Loss: 0.88
Traction Bias: 0.50
Transmission: Number of Gears: 4
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 170.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 35.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 6.1
Brake Bias: 0.55
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 35.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.3
Suspension Damping Level: 0.05
Seat Offset Distance: 0.38
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.40
Monetary Value: 15000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.33
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.17
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Flags: 1G_BOOST, 2G_BOOST, REV_BONNET, HAS_NO_ROOF, HALOGEN_LIGHTS,
IS_BIKE, NO_EXHAUST
Front Light Type: 1
Rear Light Type: 2
Vehicle Identifier: POLICE
Real Name: Police
Mass: 1600.0
Dimensions of X: 2.1
Dimensions of Y: 5.0
Dimensions of Z: 1.6
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.15
Percent Submerged: 75
Traction Multiplier: 1.05
Traction Loss: 0.78
Traction Bias: 0.52
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 200.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 28.0
Transmission: Drive Type: 4
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 11.1
Brake Bias: 0.53
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 35.0
Suspension Force Level: 2.0
Suspension Damping Level: 0.12
Seat Offset Distance: 0.2
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.24
Monetary Value: 25000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.28
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.17
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Flags: 1G_BOOST, HANGING_BOOT, HAS_NO_ROOF
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Vehicle Identifier: ENFORCER
Real Name: Enforcer
Mass: 4000.0
Dimensions of X: 2.4
Dimensions of Y: 6.8
Dimensions of Z: 2.9
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.2
Center of Mass (Z): 0.2
Percent Submerged: 85
Traction Multiplier: 0.85
Traction Loss: 0.7
Traction Bias: 0.46
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 170.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 17.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: D
Brake Deceleration: 8.4
Brake Bias: 0.45
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 27.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.8
Suspension Damping Level: 0.1
Seat Offset Distance: 0.32
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.16
Monetary Value: 40000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.37
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.17
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: 2G_BOOST, NO_DOORS, IS_VAN, IS_BUS
Vehicle Identifier: SECURICA
Real Name: Securicar
Mass: 7000.0
Dimensions of X: 2.6
Dimensions of Y: 6.8
Dimensions of Z: 3.3
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.2
Percent Submerged: 90
Traction Multiplier: 0.75
Traction Loss: 0.7
Traction Bias: 0.46
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 170.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 8.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: D
Brake Deceleration: 8.4
Brake Bias: 0.45
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 27.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.2
Suspension Damping Level: 0.1
Seat Offset Distance: 0.42
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.35
Monetary Value: 40000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.35
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.15
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Flags: HANGING_BOOT, IS_VAN, DBL_EXHAUST, TAILGATE_BOOT
Front Light Type: 1
Rear Light Type: 1
Vehicle Identifier: BANSHEE
Real Name: Banshee
Mass: 1400.0
Dimensions of X: 2.3
Dimensions of Y: 4.5
Dimensions of Z: 1.6
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): -0.25
Percent Submerged: 70
Traction Multiplier: 1.10
Traction Loss: 0.84
Traction Bias: 0.53
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 200.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 33.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 11.1
Brake Bias: 0.52
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 34.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.8
Suspension Damping Level: 0.18
Seat Offset Distance: 0.30
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.49
Monetary Value: 45000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.25
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.18
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.3
Flags: HANGING_BOOT, NO_DOORS, NONPLAYER_STABILISER, NEUTRALHANDLING,
HAS_NO_ROOF
Front Light Type: 1
Rear Light Type: 1
Vehicle Identifier: BUS
Real Name: Bus
Mass: 5500.0
Dimensions of X: 2.9
Dimensions of Y: 8.0
Dimensions of Z: 3.6
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 1.5
Center of Mass (Z): 0.0
Percent Submerged: 90
Traction Multiplier: 0.65
Traction Loss: 0.85
Traction Bias: 0.45
Transmission: Number of Gears: 4
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 130.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 9.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: D
Brake Deceleration: 4.17
Brake Bias: 0.40
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.2
Suspension Damping Level: 0.07
Seat Offset Distance: 0.2
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.75
Monetary Value: 15000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.45
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.25
Suspension: Bias: 0.45
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Flags: 1G_BOOST, 2G_BOOST
Front Light Type: 1
Rear Light Type: 1
Vehicle Identifier: RHINO
Real Name: Rhino
Mass: 18000.0
Dimensions of X: 3.5
Dimensions of Y: 8.0
Dimensions of Z: 3.8
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.0
Percent Submerged: 90
Traction Multiplier: 0.75
Traction Loss: 0.8
Traction Bias: 0.5
Transmission: Number of Gears: 4
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 80.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 8.0
Transmission: Drive Type: 4
Transmission: Engine Type: D
Brake Deceleration: 8.17
Brake Bias: 0.50
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 20.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.8
Suspension Damping Level: 0.05
Seat Offset Distance: 1.12
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.09
Monetary Value: 110000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.35
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.10
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Flags: REV_BONNET, NEUTRALHANDLING, HAS_NO_ROOF
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Vehicle Identifier: BARRACKS
Real Name: Barracks
Mass: 10500.0
Dimensions of X: 3.3
Dimensions of Y: 7.7
Dimensions of Z: 4.2
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.0
Percent Submerged: 90
Traction Multiplier: 0.85
Traction Loss: 0.7
Traction Bias: 0.47
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 180.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 12.0
Transmission: Drive Type: 4
Transmission: Engine Type: D
Brake Deceleration: 10.00
Brake Bias: 0.45
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 27.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.2
Suspension Damping Level: 0.05
Seat Offset Distance: 0.62
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.26
Monetary Value: 10000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.47
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.17
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Flags: 2G_BOOST, REV_BONNET, TAILGATE_BOOT, HAS_NO_ROOF
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Vehicle Identifier: HELI
Real Name: Maverick (Can anyone confirm?)
Mass: 25500.0
Dimensions of X: 2.5
Dimensions of Y: 7.7
Dimensions of Z: 2.9
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.0
Percent Submerged: 85
Traction Multiplier: 0.58
Traction Loss: 0.7
Traction Bias: 0.46
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 140.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 24.0
Transmission: Drive Type: 4
Transmission: Engine Type: D
Brake Deceleration: 10.00
Brake Bias: 0.45
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 27.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.2
Suspension Damping Level: 0.05
Seat Offset Distance: 0.2
Collision Damage Multiplier: 1.00
Monetary Value: 10000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.47
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.17
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: 2G_BOOST
Vehicle Identifier: COACH
Real Name: Coach
Mass: 9500.0
Dimensions of X: 2.9
Dimensions of Y: 8.0
Dimensions of Z: 3.6
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.0
Percent Submerged: 90
Traction Multiplier: 0.65
Traction Loss: 0.85
Traction Bias: 0.35
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 150.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 13.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: D
Brake Deceleration: 5.7
Brake Bias: 0.35
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.5
Suspension Damping Level: 0.04
Seat Offset Distance: 0.45
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.48
Monetary Value: 20000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.45
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.25
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: HANGING_BOOT, NOSWING_BOOT
Vehicle Identifier: CABBIE
Real Name: Cabbie
Mass: 1750.0
Dimensions of X: 2.2
Dimensions of Y: 5.0
Dimensions of Z: 2.3
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.1
Center of Mass (Z): 0.05
Percent Submerged: 75
Traction Multiplier: 1.05
Traction Loss: 0.85
Traction Bias: 0.54
Transmission: Number of Gears: 4
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 160.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 22.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 7.0
Brake Bias: 0.44
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 40.0
Suspension Force Level: 2.4
Suspension Damping Level: 0.09
Seat Offset Distance: 0.2
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.40
Monetary Value: 10000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.25
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.15
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.5
Front Light Type: 1
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: 2G_BOOST
Vehicle Identifier: STALLION
Real Name: Stallion
Mass: 1600.0
Dimensions of X: 2.1
Dimensions of Y: 5.0
Dimensions of Z: 1.8
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.1
Percent Submerged: 70
Traction Multiplier: 0.80
Traction Loss: 0.75
Traction Bias: 0.55
Transmission: Number of Gears: 4
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 160.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 23.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 8.17
Brake Bias: 0.52
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 35.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.5
Suspension Damping Level: 0.1
Seat Offset Distance: 0.3
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.64
Monetary Value: 19000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.30
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.2
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 1
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: 2G_BOOST, NO_DOORS, IS_LOW, NEUTRALHANDLING
Vehicle Identifier: RUMPO
Real Name: Rumpo
Mass: 2000.0
Dimensions of X: 2.1
Dimensions of Y: 5.0
Dimensions of Z: 2.1
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): -0.1
Percent Submerged: 85
Traction Multiplier: 1.0
Traction Loss: 0.75
Traction Bias: 0.48
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 160.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 18.0
Transmission: Drive Type: F
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 5.5
Brake Bias: 0.45
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.4
Suspension Damping Level: 0.05
Seat Offset Distance: 0.2
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.60
Monetary Value: 26000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.33
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.21
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: 2G_BOOST, IS_VAN
Vehicle Identifier: RCBANDIT
Real Name: RC Bandit
Mass: 100.0
Dimensions of X: 0.8
Dimensions of Y: 1.5
Dimensions of Z: 1.0
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.05
Center of Mass (Z): -0.1
Percent Submerged: 70
Traction Multiplier: 1.10
Traction Loss: 0.75
Traction Bias: 0.49
Transmission: Number of Gears: 1
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 75.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 35.0
Transmission: Drive Type: 4
Transmission: Engine Type: E
Brake Deceleration: 5.5
Brake Bias: 0.50
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 25.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.6
Suspension Damping Level: 0.1
Seat Offset Distance: 0.2
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.05
Monetary Value: 500
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.28
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.08
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Flags: None
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Vehicle Identifier: FLATBED
Real Name: Flatbed
Mass: 8500.0
Dimensions of X: 3.1
Dimensions of Y: 7.7
Dimensions of Z: 4.1
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.3
Percent Submerged: 90
Traction Multiplier: 0.88
Traction Loss: 0.7
Traction Bias: 0.46
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 150.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 10.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: D
Brake Deceleration: 10.00
Brake Bias: 0.45
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 27.0
Suspension Force Level: 2.1
Suspension Damping Level: 0.05
Seat Offset Distance: 0.62
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.43
Monetary Value: 10000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.47
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.11
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: 2G_BOOST, TAILGATE_BOOT, HAS_NO_ROOF
Vehicle Identifier: YANKEE
Real Name: Yankee
Mass: 4500.0
Dimensions of X: 2.4
Dimensions of Y: 6.5
Dimensions of Z: 3.8
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.0
Percent Submerged: 80
Traction Multiplier: 0.75
Traction Loss: 0.70
Traction Bias: 0.5
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 160.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 14.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: D
Brake Deceleration: 4.5
Brake Bias: 0.80
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.8
Suspension Damping Level: 0.12
Seat Offset Distance: 0.6
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.45
Monetary Value: 22000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.30
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.25
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: REV_BONNET, IS_BUS, NEUTRALHANDLING, HAS_NO_ROOF
Vehicle Identifier: GOLFCART
Real Name: Caddie
Mass: 1000.0
Dimensions of X: 2.0
Dimensions of Y: 3.5
Dimensions of Z: 2.8
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): -0.2
Percent Submerged: 70
Traction Multiplier: 1.00
Traction Loss: 0.85
Traction Bias: 0.5
Transmission: Number of Gears: 1
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 160.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 19.0
Transmission: Drive Type: 4
Transmission: Engine Type: E
Brake Deceleration: 13.0
Brake Bias: 0.50
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 2.0
Suspension Damping Level: 0.09
Seat Offset Distance: 0.26
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.50
Monetary Value: 9000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.25
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.10
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 1
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: 1G_BOOST, HALOGEN_LIGHTS, IS_BIKE
Vehicle Identifier: VOODOO
Real Name: Voodoo
Mass: 1800.0
Dimensions of X: 2.1
Dimensions of Y: 5.0
Dimensions of Z: 1.8
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): -0.1
Center of Mass (Z): -0.2
Percent Submerged: 70
Traction Multiplier: 0.95
Traction Loss: 0.80
Traction Bias: 0.45
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 160.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 23.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 6.50
Brake Bias: 0.50
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.6
Suspension Damping Level: 0.05
Seat Offset Distance: 0.36
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.41
Monetary Value: 30000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.30
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.28
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.6
Front Light Type: 1
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: HANGING_BOOT, HAS_NO_ROOF
Vehicle Identifier: WASHING
Real Name: Washington
Mass: 1850.0
Dimensions of X: 2.0
Dimensions of Y: 4.9
Dimensions of Z: 2.0
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.1
Percent Submerged: 75
Traction Multiplier: 0.85
Traction Loss: 0.65
Traction Bias: 0.51
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 180.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 21.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 7.5
Brake Bias: 0.65
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.0
Suspension Damping Level: 1.20
Seat Offset Distance: 0.24
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.60
Monetary Value: 18000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.27
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.25
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.35
Front Light Type: 1
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: HANGING_BOOT, NO_DOORS, NEUTRALHANDLING
Vehicle Identifier: CUBAN
Real Name: Cuban Hermes
Mass: 2150.0
Dimensions of X: 2.1
Dimensions of Y: 5.0
Dimensions of Z: 2.2
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.2
Percent Submerged: 75
Traction Multiplier: 0.75
Traction Loss: 0.75
Traction Bias: 0.53
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 160.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 25.0
Transmission: Drive Type: 4
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 6.0
Brake Bias: 0.54
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 40.0
Suspension Force Level: 0.8
Suspension Damping Level: 0.08
Seat Offset Distance: 0.26
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.55
Monetary Value: 10000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.25
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.26
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.45
Front Light Type: 1
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: 1G_BOOST, TAILGATE_BOOT
Vehicle Identifier: ROMERO
Real Name: Romero's Hearse
Mass: 2500.0
Dimensions of X: 1.9
Dimensions of Y: 5.0
Dimensions of Z: 1.4
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.25
Percent Submerged: 70
Traction Multiplier: 0.95
Traction Loss: 0.80
Traction Bias: 0.53
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 150.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 14.0
Transmission: Drive Type: F
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 04.17
Brake Bias: 0.80
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.4
Suspension Damping Level: 0.1
Seat Offset Distance: 0.2
Collision Damage Multiplier: 1.25
Monetary Value: 10000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.37
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.17
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: 2G_BOOST, HANGING_BOOT
Vehicle Identifier: PACKER
Real Name: Packer
Mass: 8000.0
Dimensions of X: 2.9
Dimensions of Y: 8.0
Dimensions of Z: 3.6
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.0
Percent Submerged: 90
Traction Multiplier: 0.65
Traction Loss: 0.85
Traction Bias: 0.35
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 150.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 13.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: D
Brake Deceleration: 5.7
Brake Bias: 0.35
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.5
Suspension Damping Level: 0.04
Seat Offset Distance: 0.56
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.40
Monetary Value: 20000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.45
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.25
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: HANGING_BOOT
Vehicle Identifier: ADMIRAL
Real Name: Admiral
Mass: 1650.0
Dimensions of X: 2.0
Dimensions of Y: 4.9
Dimensions of Z: 1.5
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): -0.05
Percent Submerged: 75
Traction Multiplier: 0.85
Traction Loss: 0.80
Traction Bias: 0.51
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 165.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 22.0
Transmission: Drive Type: F
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 8.5
Brake Bias: 0.52
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.2
Suspension Damping Level: 0.15
Seat Offset Distance: 0.2
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.56
Monetary Value: 35000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.27
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.19
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.55
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: HANGING_BOOT, HAS_NO_ROOF
Vehicle Identifier: GANGBUR
Real Name: Gang Burrito
Mass: 2000.0
Dimensions of X: 2.1
Dimensions of Y: 5.0
Dimensions of Z: 2.3
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.1
Center of Mass (Z): -0.25
Percent Submerged: 85
Traction Multiplier: 0.95
Traction Loss: 0.85
Traction Bias: 0.52
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 150.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 27.0
Transmission: Drive Type: 4
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 10.5
Brake Bias: 0.45
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.4
Suspension Damping Level: 0.14
Seat Offset Distance: 0.2
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.50
Monetary Value: 26000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.33
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.21
Suspension: Bias: 0.4
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.5
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: HANGING_BOOT, NO_DOORS, TAILGATE_BOOT, NEUTRALHANDLING,
HAS_NO_ROOF
Vehicle Identifier: ZEBRA
Real Name: Zebra Cab
Mass: 2250.0
Dimensions of X: 2.2
Dimensions of Y: 5.0
Dimensions of Z: 2.3
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.1
Center of Mass (Z): -0.2
Percent Submerged: 75
Traction Multiplier: 1.00
Traction Loss: 0.80
Traction Bias: 0.52
Transmission: Number of Gears: 4
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 160.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 26.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 9.0
Brake Bias: 0.48
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 40.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.9
Suspension Damping Level: 0.11
Seat Offset Distance: 0.2
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.18
Monetary Value: 10000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.25
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.17
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.5
Front Light Type: 1
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: 1G_BOOST, HALOGEN_LIGHTS, NARROW_FRONTW
Vehicle Identifier: TOPFUN
Real Name: TOP FUN
Mass: 1900.0
Dimensions of X: 2.0
Dimensions of Y: 6.0
Dimensions of Z: 2.6
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.1
Percent Submerged: 80
Traction Multiplier: 0.85
Traction Loss: 0.70
Traction Bias: 0.46
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 160.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 15.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: D
Brake Deceleration: 6.0
Brake Bias: 0.80
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 2.2
Suspension Damping Level: 0.07
Seat Offset Distance: 0.2
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.43
Monetary Value: 20000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.35
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.15
Suspension: Bias: 0.4
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 3
Flags: 2G_BOOST, IS_VAN
Vehicle Identifier: GLENDALE
Real Name: Glendale
Mass: 1600.0
Dimensions of X: 1.9
Dimensions of Y: 5.0
Dimensions of Z: 1.7
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.4
Percent Submerged: 75
Traction Multiplier: 0.75
Traction Loss: 0.70
Traction Bias: 0.52
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 160.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 16.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 6.2
Brake Bias: 0.55
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.0
Suspension Damping Level: 0.1
Seat Offset Distance: 0.28
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.40
Monetary Value: 20000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.35
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.17
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.5
Front Light Type: 1
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: 2G_BOOST, REARWHEEL_1ST
Vehicle Identifier: OCEANIC
Real Name: Oceanic
Mass: 1900.0
Dimensions of X: 1.9
Dimensions of Y: 5.0
Dimensions of Z: 1.7
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.4
Percent Submerged: 75
Traction Multiplier: 0.85
Traction Loss: 0.70
Traction Bias: 0.52
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 160.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 16.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 5.0
Brake Bias: 0.50
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.0
Suspension Damping Level: 0.1
Seat Offset Distance: 0.28
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.45
Monetary Value: 20000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.35
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.17
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.5
Front Light Type: 2
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: 2G_BOOST, REARWHEEL_1ST
Vehicle Identifier: HERMES
Real Name: Hermes
Mass: 1950.0
Dimensions of X: 2.0
Dimensions of Y: 5.0
Dimensions of Z: 2.0
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.0
Percent Submerged: 70
Traction Multiplier: 0.70
Traction Loss: 0.75
Traction Bias: 0.51
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 160.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 18.0
Transmission: Drive Type: F
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 3.5
Brake Bias: 0.60
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 28.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.0
Suspension Damping Level: 0.05
Seat Offset Distance: 0.36
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.42
Monetary Value: 19000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.35
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.20
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 1
Rear Light Type: 3
Flags: 1G_BOOST, DBL_EXHAUST
Vehicle Identifier: SABRE1
Real Name: Sabre
Mass: 1700.0
Dimensions of X: 2.1
Dimensions of Y: 5.0
Dimensions of Z: 1.9
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.1
Center of Mass (Z): 0.1
Percent Submerged: 70
Traction Multiplier: 1.00
Traction Loss: 0.84
Traction Bias: 0.53
Transmission: Number of Gears: 4
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 160.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 24.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 8.17
Brake Bias: 0.52
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 35.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.5
Suspension Damping Level: 0.10
Seat Offset Distance: 0.3
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.52
Monetary Value: 19000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.30
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.15
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.25
Front Light Type: 1
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: HANGING_BOOT, DBL_EXHAUST
Vehicle Identifier: SABRETUR
Real Name: Sabre Turbo
Mass: 1800.0
Dimensions of X: 2.1
Dimensions of Y: 4.5
Dimensions of Z: 2.1
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.2
Center of Mass (Z): 0.1
Percent Submerged: 70
Traction Multiplier: 1.05
Traction Loss: 0.84
Traction Bias: 0.52
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 180.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 32.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 6.1
Brake Bias: 0.52 0
ABS: 33.0
Steering Lock: 1.3
Suspension Force Level: 0.10
Suspension Damping Level: 0.3
Seat Offset Distance: 0.55
Collision Damage Multiplier: 45000
Monetary Value: 0.30
Suspension: Upper Limit: -0.20
Suspension: Lower Limit: 0.5
Suspension: Bias: 0.40
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 3009901
Front Light Type: 1
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: 1G_BOOST
Vehicle Identifier: PHOENIX
Real Name: Phoenix
Mass: 1400.0
Dimensions of X: 2.3
Dimensions of Y: 4.5
Dimensions of Z: 1.6
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.2
Center of Mass (Z): -0.25
Percent Submerged: 70
Traction Multiplier: 1.00
Traction Loss: 0.80
Traction Bias: 0.53
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 200.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 28.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 11.1
Brake Bias: 0.52 0
ABS: 30.0
Steering Lock: 1.4
Suspension Force Level: 0.10
Suspension Damping Level: 0.34
Seat Offset Distance: 0.60
Collision Damage Multiplier: 45000
Monetary Value: 0.31
Suspension: Upper Limit: -0.25
Suspension: Lower Limit: 0.5
Suspension: Bias: 0.3
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 208101
Front Light Type: 1
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: 1G_BOOST
Vehicle Identifier: WALTON
Real Name: Walton
Mass: 1850.0
Dimensions of X: 2.1
Dimensions of Y: 5.0
Dimensions of Z: 2.1
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.0
Percent Submerged: 75
Traction Multiplier: 0.80
Traction Loss: 0.69
Traction Bias: 0.5
Transmission: Number of Gears: 4
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 150.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 14.0
Transmission: Drive Type: 4
Transmission: Engine Type: D
Brake Deceleration: 6.5
Brake Bias: 0.5
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 35.0
Suspension Force Level: 2.0
Suspension Damping Level: 0.12
Seat Offset Distance: 0.26
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.19
Monetary Value: 26000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.35
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.18
Suspension: Bias: 0.4
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 1
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: 2G_BOOST, HANGING_BOOT, TAILGATE_BOOT
Vehicle Identifier: REGINA
Real Name: Regina
Mass: 1500.0
Dimensions of X: 1.9
Dimensions of Y: 4.9
Dimensions of Z: 1.7
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.15
Percent Submerged: 75
Traction Multiplier: 0.80
Traction Loss: 0.85
Traction Bias: 0.52
Transmission: Number of Gears: 4
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 165.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 16.0
Transmission: Drive Type: F
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 5.0
Brake Bias: 0.60
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.2
Suspension Damping Level: 0.1
Seat Offset Distance: 0.24
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.48
Monetary Value: 18000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.27
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.17
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.2
Front Light Type: 1
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: 1G_BOOST, HANGING_BOOT
Vehicle Identifier: COMET
Real Name: Comet
Mass: 1400.0
Dimensions of X: 1.9
Dimensions of Y: 4.7
Dimensions of Z: 1.6
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.1
Center of Mass (Z): -0.3
Percent Submerged: 75
Traction Multiplier: 1.10
Traction Loss: 0.9
Traction Bias: 0.5
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 200.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 28.0
Transmission: Drive Type: 4
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 11.0
Brake Bias: 0.45
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 2.0
Suspension Damping Level: 0.15
Seat Offset Distance: 0.25
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.60
Monetary Value: 35000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.28
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.16
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.3
Front Light Type: 1
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: 2G_BOOST, NO_DOORS, NEUTRALHANDLING, HAS_NO_ROOF
Vehicle Identifier: DELUXO
Real Name: Deluxo
Mass: 1600.0
Dimensions of X: 2.2
Dimensions of Y: 4.9
Dimensions of Z: 1.7
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.2
Percent Submerged: 75
Traction Multiplier: 0.80
Traction Loss: 0.85
Traction Bias: 0.52
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 200.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 26.0
Transmission: Drive Type: 4
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 10.0
Brake Bias: 0.53
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 2.25
Suspension Damping Level: 0.16
Seat Offset Distance: 0.28
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.52
Monetary Value: 35000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.27
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.16
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.35
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: HANGING_BOOT, NO_DOORS, NONPLAYER_STABILISER, HAS_NO_ROOF
Vehicle Identifier: BURRITO
Real Name: Burrito
Mass: 1900.0
Dimensions of X: 2.3
Dimensions of Y: 5.0
Dimensions of Z: 2.3
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.2
Center of Mass (Z): 0.0
Percent Submerged: 85
Traction Multiplier: 0.97
Traction Loss: 0.77
Traction Bias: 0.51
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 150.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 25.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 8.5
Brake Bias: 0.45
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.3
Suspension Damping Level: 0.08
Seat Offset Distance: 0.2
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.50
Monetary Value: 26000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.33
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.25
Suspension: Bias: 0.4
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.5
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: HANGING_BOOT, TAILGATE_BOOT, NEUTRALHANDLING
Vehicle Identifier: SPAND
Real Name: Spand Express
Mass: 2400.0
Dimensions of X: 2.2
Dimensions of Y: 5.5
Dimensions of Z: 2.5
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.1
Percent Submerged: 85
Traction Multiplier: 0.9
Traction Loss: 0.8
Traction Bias: 0.47
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 150.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 15.0
Transmission: Drive Type: F
Transmission: Engine Type: D
Brake Deceleration: 5.5
Brake Bias: 0.6
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.4
Suspension Damping Level: 0.1
Seat Offset Distance: 0.40
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.90
Monetary Value: 16000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.35
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.15
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 3
Flags: REV_BONNET, TAILGATE_BOOT
Vehicle Identifier: BAGGAGE
Real Name: Baggage Handler
Mass: 1000.0
Dimensions of X: 2.0
Dimensions of Y: 3.5
Dimensions of Z: 2.8
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): -0.2
Percent Submerged: 70
Traction Multiplier: 1.00
Traction Loss: 0.85
Traction Bias: 0.5
Transmission: Number of Gears: 1
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 160.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 14.0
Transmission: Drive Type: 4
Transmission: Engine Type: E
Brake Deceleration: 13.0
Brake Bias: 0.50
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 2.0
Suspension Damping Level: 0.09
Seat Offset Distance: 0.26
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.50
Monetary Value: 9000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.25
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.10
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 1
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: 1G_BOOST, HALOGEN_LIGHTS, IS_BIKE
Vehicle Identifier: KAUFMAN
Real Name: Kaufman Taxi
Mass: 1650.0
Dimensions of X: 2.1
Dimensions of Y: 5.0
Dimensions of Z: 2.2
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.1
Center of Mass (Z): -0.1
Percent Submerged: 75
Traction Multiplier: 1.00
Traction Loss: 0.89
Traction Bias: 0.52
Transmission: Number of Gears: 4
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 160.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 24.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 7.0
Brake Bias: 0.47
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 40.0
Suspension Force Level: 2.0
Suspension Damping Level: 0.11
Seat Offset Distance: 0.2
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.32
Monetary Value: 10000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.25
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.18
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.4
Front Light Type: 1
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: 2G_BOOST
Vehicle Identifier: RANCHER
Real Name: Rancher
Mass: 2500.0
Dimensions of X: 2.5
Dimensions of Y: 5.5
Dimensions of Z: 2.6
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): -0.15
Percent Submerged: 80
Traction Multiplier: 0.92
Traction Loss: 0.78
Traction Bias: 0.5
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 170.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 20.0
Transmission: Drive Type: 4
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 7.0
Brake Bias: 0.45
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 35.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.1
Suspension Damping Level: 0.1
Seat Offset Distance: 0.44
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.35
Monetary Value: 40000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.45
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.21
Suspension: Bias: 0.45
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.3
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: REV_BONNET, IS_LOW, NEUTRALHANDLING, HAS_NO_ROOF, HALOGEN_LIGHTS
Vehicle Identifier: FBIRANCH
Real Name: Fbi Rancher
Mass: 3500.0
Dimensions of X: 2.4
Dimensions of Y: 5.7
Dimensions of Z: 2.5
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): -0.1
Percent Submerged: 80
Traction Multiplier: 0.92
Traction Loss: 0.78
Traction Bias: 0.5
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 170.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 22.0
Transmission: Drive Type: 4
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 8.5
Brake Bias: 0.50
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.1
Suspension Damping Level: 0.20
Seat Offset Distance: 0.44
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.30
Monetary Value: 40000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.34
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.08
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.5
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: REV_BONNET, HANGING_BOOT, NEUTRALHANDLING, HAS_NO_ROOF,
HALOGEN_LIGHTS
Vehicle Identifier: VIRGO
Real Name: Virgo
Mass: 1700.0
Dimensions of X: 2.0
Dimensions of Y: 4.5
Dimensions of Z: 1.5
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.1
Percent Submerged: 70
Traction Multiplier: 1.00
Traction Loss: 0.86
Traction Bias: 0.5
Transmission: Number of Gears: 4
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 160.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 15.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 7.0
Brake Bias: 0.50
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 32.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.5
Suspension Damping Level: 0.08
Seat Offset Distance: 0.26
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.85
Monetary Value: 9000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.31
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.15
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 0
Flags: 1G_BOOST, TAILGATE_BOOT
Vehicle Identifier: GREENWOO
Real Name: Greenwood
Mass: 1800.0
Dimensions of X: 2.0
Dimensions of Y: 5.0
Dimensions of Z: 1.7
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.0
Percent Submerged: 70
Traction Multiplier: 0.90
Traction Loss: 0.8
Traction Bias: 0.52
Transmission: Number of Gears: 4
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 160.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 15.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 5.4
Brake Bias: 0.60
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.2
Suspension Damping Level: 0.09
Seat Offset Distance: 0.26
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.54
Monetary Value: 19000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.32
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.16
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 3
Flags: 2G_BOOST
Vehicle Identifier: HOTRING
Real Name: Hotring Racer
Mass: 1600.0
Dimensions of X: 2.3
Dimensions of Y: 4.5
Dimensions of Z: 1.3
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.2
Center of Mass (Z): -0.35
Percent Submerged: 70
Traction Multiplier: 1.15
Traction Loss: 0.89
Traction Bias: 0.51
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 220.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 36.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 10.0
Brake Bias: 0.52 0
ABS: 30.0
Steering Lock: 1.9
Suspension Force Level: 0.13
Suspension Damping Level: 0.40
Seat Offset Distance: 0.56
Collision Damage Multiplier: 45000
Monetary Value: 0.29
Suspension: Upper Limit: -0.16
Suspension: Lower Limit: 0.5
Suspension: Bias: 0.6
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 208182
Front Light Type: 1
Rear Light Type: 3
Flags: 1G_BOOST
Vehicle Identifier: SANDKING
Real Name: Sandking
Mass: 2000.0
Dimensions of X: 2.4
Dimensions of Y: 5.7
Dimensions of Z: 2.2
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): -0.15
Percent Submerged: 80
Traction Multiplier: 0.92
Traction Loss: 0.78
Traction Bias: 0.5
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 170.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 25.0
Transmission: Drive Type: 4
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 08.17
Brake Bias: 0.50
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.8
Suspension Damping Level: 0.15
Seat Offset Distance: 0.38
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.35
Monetary Value: 40000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.35
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.31
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: REV_BONNET, IS_BIG, FAT_REARW, NARROW_FRONTW
Vehicle Identifier: BLISTAC
Real Name: Blista Compact
Mass: 1000.0
Dimensions of X: 1.9
Dimensions of Y: 4.7
Dimensions of Z: 1.5
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): -0.30
Percent Submerged: 50
Traction Multiplier: 1.2
Traction Loss: 0.85
Traction Bias: 0.5
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 200.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 30.0
Transmission: Drive Type: F
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 11.0
Brake Bias: 0.45
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 2.6
Suspension Damping Level: 0.1
Seat Offset Distance: 0.45
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.50
Monetary Value: 35000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.28
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.14
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 1
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: 2G_BOOST, NONPLAYER_STABILISER, REARWHEEL_1ST
Vehicle Identifier: BOXVILLE
Real Name: Boxville
Mass: 5500.0
Dimensions of X: 3.0
Dimensions of Y: 6.5
Dimensions of Z: 3.8
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.3
Percent Submerged: 80
Traction Multiplier: 0.82
Traction Loss: 0.70
Traction Bias: 0.46
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 140.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 14.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: D
Brake Deceleration: 4.5
Brake Bias: 0.60
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 0.9
Suspension Damping Level: 0.08
Seat Offset Distance: 0.46
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.40
Monetary Value: 22000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.25
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.28
Suspension: Bias: 0.4
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.6
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 3
Flags: 2G_BOOST, IS_BIG, REARWHEEL_1ST, NARROW_FRONTW
Vehicle Identifier: BENSON
Real Name: Benson
Mass: 3500.0
Dimensions of X: 2.3
Dimensions of Y: 6.5
Dimensions of Z: 3.3
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.1
Percent Submerged: 80
Traction Multiplier: 0.82
Traction Loss: 0.70
Traction Bias: 0.46
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 140.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 15.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: D
Brake Deceleration: 4.5
Brake Bias: 0.60
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 2.5
Suspension Damping Level: 0.11
Seat Offset Distance: 0.46
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.53
Monetary Value: 22000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.30
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.15
Suspension: Bias: 0.35
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 1
Rear Light Type: 3
Flags: REV_BONNET, IS_BUS, HAS_NO_ROOF
Vehicle Identifier: DESPERAD
Real Name: Desperado
Mass: 1300.0
Dimensions of X: 2.0
Dimensions of Y: 3.5
Dimensions of Z: 2.2
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): -0.3
Percent Submerged: 85
Traction Multiplier: 0.95
Traction Loss: 0.85
Traction Bias: 0.51
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 160.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 23.0
Transmission: Drive Type: 4
Transmission: Engine Type: D
Brake Deceleration: 6.2
Brake Bias: 0.60
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 35.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.6
Suspension Damping Level: 0.07
Seat Offset Distance: 0.18
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.30
Monetary Value: 25000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.32
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.15
Suspension: Bias: 0.35
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.4
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: 2G_BOOST, IS_VAN, NEUTRALHANDLING, HAS_NO_ROOF
Vehicle Identifier: LOVEFIST
Real Name: Love Fist
Mass: 2700.0
Dimensions of X: 2.0
Dimensions of Y: 7.3
Dimensions of Z: 1.6
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.1
Center of Mass (Z): -0.1
Percent Submerged: 75
Traction Multiplier: 0.91
Traction Loss: 0.70
Traction Bias: 0.51
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 180.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 15.0
Transmission: Drive Type: 4
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 10.0
Brake Bias: 0.40
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.2
Suspension Damping Level: 0.09
Seat Offset Distance: 0.2
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.47
Monetary Value: 40000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.35
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.15
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: HANGING_BOOT, NO_DOORS, HAS_NO_ROOF
Vehicle Identifier: BLOODRA
Real Name: Bloodring Racer
Mass: 2100.0
Dimensions of X: 2.1
Dimensions of Y: 5.0
Dimensions of Z: 2.3
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.1
Percent Submerged: 75
Traction Multiplier: 0.80
Traction Loss: 0.70
Traction Bias: 0.52
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 160.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 24.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 6.2
Brake Bias: 0.55
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 35.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.2
Suspension Damping Level: 0.03
Seat Offset Distance: 0.28
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.30
Monetary Value: 500
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.35
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.24
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 1
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: 1G_BOOST, 2G_BOOST, IS_VAN, FAT_REARW, NARROW_FRONTW
Vehicle Identifier: BLOODRB
Real Name: Unknown??
Mass: 1600.0
Dimensions of X: 2.0
Dimensions of Y: 5.0
Dimensions of Z: 2.0
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.1
Percent Submerged: 75
Traction Multiplier: 0.90
Traction Loss: 0.70
Traction Bias: 0.52
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 160.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 26.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 6.2
Brake Bias: 0.55
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 35.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.0
Suspension Damping Level: 0.06
Seat Offset Distance: 0.28
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.30
Monetary Value: 500
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.35
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.17
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 1
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: 1G_BOOST, 2G_BOOST, IS_VAN, FAT_REARW, NARROW_FRONTW
Motorcycles
-----------
Vehicle Identifier: BIKE
Real Name: PCJ 600
Mass: 500.0
Dimensions of X: 0.8
Dimensions of Y: 1.8
Dimensions of Z: 1.2
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.05
Center of Mass (Z): -0.09
Percent Submerged: 103
Traction Multiplier: 1.6
Traction Loss: 0.9
Traction Bias: 0.48
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 190.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 50.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 15.0
Brake Bias: 0.50
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 35.0
Suspension Force Level: 0.85
Suspension Damping Level: 0.15
Seat Offset Distance: 0.3
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.15
Monetary Value: 10000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.15
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.16
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 1
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: 1G_BOOST, DBL_EXHAUST, IS_HELI
Vehicle Identifier: MOPED
Real Name: Faggio
Mass: 350.0
Dimensions of X: 1.1
Dimensions of Y: 1.7
Dimensions of Z: 1.2
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): -0.1
Percent Submerged: 103
Traction Multiplier: 2.0
Traction Loss: 0.9
Traction Bias: 0.49
Transmission: Number of Gears: 3
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 190.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 30.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 14.0
Brake Bias: 0.50
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 35.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.0
Suspension Damping Level: 0.15
Seat Offset Distance: 0.1
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.11
Monetary Value: 10000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.12
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.17
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 1
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: 1G_BOOST, IS_BIKE, IS_HELI
Vehicle Identifier: DIRTBIKE
Real Name: Sanchez
Mass: 500.0
Dimensions of X: 1.2
Dimensions of Y: 1.8
Dimensions of Z: 1.5
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.05
Center of Mass (Z): -0.09
Percent Submerged: 103
Traction Multiplier: 1.6
Traction Loss: 0.9
Traction Bias: 0.48
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 190.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 50.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 19.0
Brake Bias: 0.50
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 35.0
Suspension Force Level: 0.85
Suspension Damping Level: 0.15
Seat Offset Distance: 0.3
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.15
Monetary Value: 10000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.15
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.16
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 1
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: 1G_BOOST, IS_BIKE, IS_HELI
Vehicle Identifier: ANGEL
Real Name: Angel
Mass: 800.0
Dimensions of X: 1.2
Dimensions of Y: 2.2
Dimensions of Z: 1.5
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.15
Center of Mass (Z): 0.0
Percent Submerged: 103
Traction Multiplier: 1.2
Traction Loss: 0.86
Traction Bias: 0.52
Transmission: Number of Gears: 4
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 190.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 45.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 12.0
Brake Bias: 0.55
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 35.0
Suspension Force Level: 0.65
Suspension Damping Level: 0.20
Seat Offset Distance: 0.3
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.24
Monetary Value: 10000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.09
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.11
Suspension: Bias: 0.55
Suspension Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 1
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: 1G_BOOST, DBL_EXHAUST, IS_BIKE, IS_HELI
Vehicle Identifier: FREEWAY
Real Name: Freeway
Mass: 800.0
Dimensions of X: 1.1
Dimensions of Y: 2.2
Dimensions of Z: 1.5
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.1
Center of Mass (Z): 0.0
Percent Submerged: 103
Traction Multiplier: 1.2
Traction Loss: 0.82
Traction Bias: 0.51
Transmission: Number of Gears: 4
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 190.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 40.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 10.0
Brake Bias: 0.55
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 35.0
Suspension Force Level: 0.65
Suspension Damping Level: 0.20
Seat Offset Distance: 0.3
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.24
Monetary Value: 10000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.09
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.11
Suspension: Bias: 0.55
Suspension: Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 1
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: 1G_BOOST, DBL_EXHAUST, IS_BIKE, IS_HELI
Boats
-----
For boats there are a couple different statistics that are used only
for boats. You will see them throughout the boats, and if you have any
questions on what they mean, e-mail me and I will answer your
questions.
Vehicle Identifier: PREDATOR
Real Name: Predator
Mass: 2200.0
Dimensions of X: 4.0
Dimensions of Y: 12.0
Dimensions of Z: 3.0
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.0
Percent Submerged: 14
Bank Force Multiplier: 2.30
Rudder Turn Force: 15.0
Speed Steer Falloff: 0.58
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 190.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 1.7
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Vertical Wave Hit Limit: 0.05
Forward Wave Hit Brake: 0.01
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 24.0
Water Resistance Volume Multiplier: 1.0
Water Damping Multiplier: 3.0
Seat Offset Distance: 0.2
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.33
Monetary Value: 40000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.10
Handbrake Drag Multiplier: 0.1
Sideslip Force: 0.0
Suspension Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: HANGING_BOOT, IS_PLANE
Vehicle Identifier: SPEEDER
Real Name: Speeder
Mass: 2200.0
Dimensions of X: 3.2
Dimensions of Y: 10.0
Dimensions of Z: 2.2
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.0
Percent Submerged: 22
Bank Force Multiplier: 2.5
Rudder Turn Force: 15.0
Speed Steer Falloff: 0.65
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 190.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 2.5
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Vertical Wave Hit Limit: 0.04
Forward Wave Hit Brake: 0.01
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 20.0
Water Resistance Volume Multiplier: 1.3
Water Damping Multiplier: 3.0
Seat Offset Distance: 0.7
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.39
Monetary Value: 30000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.10
Handbrake Drag Multiplier: 0.5
Sideslip Force: 2.0
Suspension Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: HANGING_BOOT, IS_LOW, HANDBRAKE_TYRE
Vehicle Identifier: REEFER
Real Name: Reefer
Mass: 5000.0
Dimensions of X: 3.5
Dimensions of Y: 7.0
Dimensions of Z: 4.0
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.0
Percent Submerged: 15
Bank Force Multiplier: -1.50
Rudder Turn Force: 15.0
Speed Steer Falloff: 0.45
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 190.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 0.7
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Vertical Wave Hit Limit: 0.02
Forward Wave Hit Brake: 0.02
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 25.0
Water Resistance Volume Multiplier: 1.0
Water Damping Multiplier: 3.0
Seat Offset Distance: 0.2
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.38
Monetary Value: 25000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.10
Handbrake Drag Multiplier: 0.1
Sideslip Force: 0.0
Suspension Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: HANGING_BOOT, IS_PLANE
Vehicle Identifier: RIO
Real Name: Rio
Mass: 3000.0
Dimensions of X: 4.5
Dimensions of Y: 7.0
Dimensions of Z: 4.0
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.0
Percent Submerged: 15
Bank Force Multiplier: -4.00
Rudder Turn Force: 25.0
Speed Steer Falloff: 0.50
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 190.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 0.5
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Vertical Wave Hit Limit: 0.02
Forward Wave Hit Brake: 0.00
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 20.0
Water Resistance Volume Multiplier: 1.0
Water Damping Multiplier: 3.0
Seat Offset Distance: 0.2
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.23
Monetary Value: 70000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 15.00
Handbrake Drag Multiplier: 0.1
Sideslip Force: 0.0
Suspension Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: HANGING_BOOT, IS_PLANE
Vehicle Identifier: SQUALO
Real Name: Squalo
Mass: 2200.0
Dimensions of X: 4.0
Dimensions of Y: 12.0
Dimensions of Z: 3.0
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.0
Percent Submerged: 42
Bank Force Multiplier: 3.00
Rudder Turn Force: 15.0
Speed Steer Falloff: 0.65
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 190.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 3.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Vertical Wave Hit Limit: 0.02
Forward Wave Hit Brake: 0.00
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 24.0
Water Resistance Volume Multiplier: 0.45
Water Damping Multiplier: 5.0
Seat Offset Distance: 0.2
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.33
Monetary Value: 60000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.10
Handbrake Drag Multiplier: 0.05
Sideslip Force: 0.0
Suspension Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: HANGING_BOOT, IS_LOW, HANDBRAKE_TYRE
Vehicle Identifier: TROPIC
Real Name: Tropic
Mass: 2200.0
Dimensions of X: 4.0
Dimensions of Y: 12.0
Dimensions of Z: 3.0
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.0
Percent Submerged: 10
Bank Force Multiplier: 2.20
Rudder Turn Force: 12.0
Speed Steer Falloff: 0.45
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 190.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 1.4
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Vertical Wave Hit Limit: 0.05
Forward Wave Hit Brake: 0.01
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 24.0
Water Resistance Volume Multiplier: 1.8
Water Damping Multiplier: 3.0
Seat Offset Distance: 0.2
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.33
Monetary Value: 73000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.10
Handbrake Drag Multiplier: 0.1
Sideslip Force: 0.0
Suspension Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: HANGING_BOOT, IS_LOW, HANDBRAKE_TYRE
Vehicle Identifier: COASTGRD
Real Name: Coastguard
Mass: 1200.0
Dimensions of X: 3.0
Dimensions of Y: 7.5
Dimensions of Z: 2.0
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): -0.3
Center of Mass (Z): 0.0
Percent Submerged: 14
Bank Force Multiplier: 2.00
Rudder Turn Force: 4.2
Speed Steer Falloff: 0.70
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 190.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 1.6
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Vertical Wave Hit Limit: 0.05
Forward Wave Hit Brake: 0.01
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 24.0
Water Resistance Volume Multiplier: 1.0
Water Damping Multiplier: 3.0
Seat Offset Distance: 0.2
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.18
Monetary Value: 10000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 3.20
Handbrake Drag Multiplier: 0.1
Sideslip Force: 2.5
Suspension Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: HANGING_BOOT, IS_PLANE
Vehicle Identifier: DINGHY
Real Name: Dinghy
Mass: 800.0
Dimensions of X: 2.5
Dimensions of Y: 4.0
Dimensions of Z: 1.6
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.0
Percent Submerged: 16
Bank Force Multiplier: 3.50
Rudder Turn Force: 3.5
Speed Steer Falloff: 1.00
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 190.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 1.2
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Vertical Wave Hit Limit: 0.07
Forward Wave Hit Brake: 0.01
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Water Resistance Volume Multiplier: 1.0
Water Damping Multiplier: 4.5
Seat Offset Distance: 0.2
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.12
Monetary Value: 5000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 3.50
Handbrake Drag Multiplier: 0.1
Sideslip Force: 0.7
Suspension Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: HANGING_BOOT, IS_PLANE
Vehicle Identifier: MARQUIS
Real Name: Marquis
Mass: 5000.0
Dimensions of X: 3.5
Dimensions of Y: 19.0
Dimensions of Z: 4.0
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.0
Percent Submerged: 10
Bank Force Multiplier: -3.50
Rudder Turn Force: 25.0
Speed Steer Falloff: 0.40
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 190.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 0.5
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Vertical Wave Hit Limit: 0.04
Forward Wave Hit Brake: 0.03
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 38.0
Water Resistance Volume Multiplier: 1.0
Water Damping Multiplier: 3.0
Seat Offset Distance: 0.2
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.38
Monetary Value: 99000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.10
Handbrake Drag Multiplier: 0.0
Sideslip Force: 1.0
Suspension Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: HANGING_BOOT, IS_PLANE
Vehicle Identifier: CUPBOAT
Real Name: ?
Mass: 3000.0
Dimensions of X: 4.0
Dimensions of Y: 12.0
Dimensions of Z: 3.0
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.0
Percent Submerged: 35
Bank Force Multiplier: 2.00
Rudder Turn Force: 15.0
Speed Steer Falloff: 0.50
Transmission: Number of Gears: 5
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 190.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 3.0
Transmission: Drive Type: R
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Vertical Wave Hit Limit: 0.02
Forward Wave Hit Brake: 0.00
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 24.0
Water Resistance Volume Multiplier: 0.75
Water Damping Multiplier: 4.0
Seat Offset Distance: 0.2
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.45
Monetary Value: 48000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.10
Handbrake Drag Multiplier: 0.3
Sideslip Force: 1.5
Suspension Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: HANGING_BOOT, IS_LOW, HANDBRAKE_TYRE
Airplanes
---------
Vehicle Identifier: SEAPLANE
Real Name: ?
Mass: 5000.0
Dimensions of X: 1.0
Dimensions of Y: 10.0
Dimensions of Z: 0.8
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.0
Percent Submerged: 5
Traction Multiplier: 0.83
Traction Loss: 25.0
Traction Bias: 0.5
Transmission: Number of Gears: 1
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 200.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 1.7
Transmission: Drive Type: 4
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 0.01
Brake Bias: 0.05
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 24.0
Suspension Force Level: 3.0
Suspension Damping Level: 0.75
Seat Offset Distance: 0.2
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.50
Monetary Value: 10000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.10
Suspension: Lower Limit: 0.0
Suspension: Bias: 2.0
Suspension Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: HANGING_BOOT, IS_LOW, NOSWING_BOOT, GOOD_INSAND
Vehicle Identifier: SPARROW
Real Name: Sparrow
Mass: 2500.0
Dimensions of X: 2.0
Dimensions of Y: 5.0
Dimensions of Z: 2.0
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): -0.1
Percent Submerged: 75
Traction Multiplier: 0.65
Traction Loss: 0.9
Traction Bias: 0.5
Transmission: Number of Gears: 1
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 200.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 16.0
Transmission: Drive Type: 4
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 5.0
Brake Bias: 0.45
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 5.0
Suspension Damping Level: 0.1
Seat Offset Distance: 0.30
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.50
Monetary Value: 25000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.50
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.05
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: HANGING_BOOT, TAILGATE_BOOT, HALOGEN_LIGHTS
Vehicle Identifier: SEASPAR
Real Name: Sea Sparrow
Mass: 3000.0
Dimensions of X: 2.0
Dimensions of Y: 5.0
Dimensions of Z: 2.0
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): -0.1
Percent Submerged: 5
Traction Multiplier: 0.65
Traction Loss: 0.9
Traction Bias: 0.5
Transmission: Number of Gears: 1
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 200.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 16.0
Transmission: Drive Type: 4
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 5.0
Brake Bias: 0.45
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 5.0
Suspension Damping Level: 0.1
Seat Offset Distance: 0.30
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.60
Monetary Value: 28000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.50
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.05
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: HANGING_BOOT, TAILGATE_BOOT, HALOGEN_LIGHTS
Vehicle Identifier: MAVERICK
Real Name: Maverick
Mass: 5000.0
Dimensions of X: 2.5
Dimensions of Y: 8.0
Dimensions of Z: 2.5
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): -0.1
Percent Submerged: 75
Traction Multiplier: 0.65
Traction Loss: 0.9
Traction Bias: 0.5
Transmission: Number of Gears: 1
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 200.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 16.0
Transmission: Drive Type: 4
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 5.0
Brake Bias: 0.45
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 5.0
Suspension Damping Level: 0.15
Seat Offset Distance: 0.30
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.75
Monetary Value: 45000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.50
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.05
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: HANGING_BOOT, TAILGATE_BOOT, HALOGEN_LIGHTS
Vehicle Identifier: COASTMAV
Real Name: Coast Maverick?
Mass: 3500.0
Dimensions of X: 2.0
Dimensions of Y: 5.0
Dimensions of Z: 2.5
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): -0.1
Percent Submerged: 75
Traction Multiplier: 0.65
Traction Loss: 0.9
Traction Bias: 0.5
Transmission: Number of Gears: 1
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 200.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 16.0
Transmission: Drive Type: 4
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 5.0
Brake Bias: 0.45
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 5.0
Suspension Damping Level: 0.1
Seat Offset Distance: 0.30
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.65
Monetary Value: 50000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.50
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.05
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: HANGING_BOOT, TAILGATE_BOOT, HALOGEN_LIGHTS
Vehicle Identifier: POLMAV
Real Name: Police Maverick
Mass: 4500.0
Dimensions of X: 2.5
Dimensions of Y: 8.0
Dimensions of Z: 2.5
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): -0.1
Percent Submerged: 75
Traction Multiplier: 0.65
Traction Loss: 0.9
Traction Bias: 0.5
Transmission: Number of Gears: 1
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 200.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 16.0
Transmission: Drive Type: 4
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 5.0
Brake Bias: 0.45
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 5.0
Suspension Damping Level: 0.1
Seat Offset Distance: 0.30
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.65
Monetary Value: 52000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.50
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.05
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: HANGING_BOOT, TAILGATE_BOOT, HALOGEN_LIGHTS
Vehicle Identifier: HUNTER
Real Name: Hunter
Mass: 10000.0
Dimensions of X: 4.0
Dimensions of Y: 10.0
Dimensions of Z: 3.0
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): 0.0
Percent Submerged: 75
Traction Multiplier: 0.65
Traction Loss: 0.9
Traction Bias: 0.5
Transmission: Number of Gears: 1
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 200.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 16.0
Transmission: Drive Type: 4
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 5.0
Brake Bias: 0.45
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 30.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.5
Suspension Damping Level: 0.1
Seat Offset Distance: 0.40
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.50
Monetary Value: 99000
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.20
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.15
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: HANGING_BOOT, TAILGATE_BOOT, HALOGEN_LIGHTS
Vehicle Identifier: RCBARON
Real Name: RC Baron
Mass: 150.0
Dimensions of X: 0.8
Dimensions of Y: 1.0
Dimensions of Z: 0.2
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): -0.1
Percent Submerged: 99
Traction Multiplier: 1.10
Traction Loss: 0.75
Traction Bias: 0.50
Transmission: Number of Gears: 1
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 75.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 35.0
Transmission: Drive Type: 4
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 5.5
Brake Bias: 0.50
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 25.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.6
Suspension Damping Level: 0.1
Seat Offset Distance: 0.2
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.08
Monetary Value: 300
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.28
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.08
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: REV_BONNET
Vehicle Identifier: RCGOBLIN
Real Name: RC Goblin
Mass: 100.0
Dimensions of X: 0.8
Dimensions of Y: 1.5
Dimensions of Z: 1.0
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): -0.1
Percent Submerged: 70
Traction Multiplier: 1.10
Traction Loss: 0.75
Traction Bias: 0.50
Transmission: Number of Gears: 1
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 75.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 35.0
Transmission: Drive Type: 4
Transmission: Engine Type: P
Brake Deceleration: 5.5
Brake Bias: 0.50
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 25.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.6
Suspension Damping Level: 0.1
Seat Offset Distance: 0.2
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.05
Monetary Value: 800
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.28
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.08
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: 2G_BOOST
Vehicle Identifier: RCCOPTER
Real Name: RC Copter
Mass: 100.0
Dimensions of X: 0.8
Dimensions of Y: 1.5
Dimensions of Z: 1.0
Center of Mass (X): 0.0
Center of Mass (Y): 0.0
Center of Mass (Z): -0.1
Percent Submerged: 70
Traction Multiplier: 1.10
Traction Loss: 0.75
Traction Bias: 0.50
Transmission: Number of Gears: 1
Transmission: Maximum Velocity: 75.0
Transmission: Engine Acceleration: 35.0
Transmission: Drive Type: 4
Transmission: Engine Type: p
Brake Deceleration: 5.5
Brake Bias: 0.50
ABS: 0
Steering Lock: 25.0
Suspension Force Level: 1.6
Suspension Damping Level: 0.1
Seat Offset Distance: 0.2
Collision Damage Multiplier: 0.10
Monetary Value: 500
Suspension: Upper Limit: 0.28
Suspension: Lower Limit: -0.08
Suspension: Bias: 0.5
Suspension Anti-drive Multiplier: 0.0
Front Light Type: 0
Rear Light Type: 1
Flags: 2G_BOOST
Sorted by damage multiplier
---------------------------
# the higher the multiplier the more fragile
# the lower the more resistant to damage
DAMAGE SPEED ACCEL DECEL
1.25 150.0 14.0 04.17 ROMERO
1.00 140.0 24.0 10.00 TRAIN
1.00 140.0 24.0 10.00 HELI
1.00 140.0 24.0 10.00 DEADDODO
1.00 140.0 24.0 10.00 AIRTRAIN
0.90 150.0 15.0 5.5 SPAND
0.85 160.0 15.0 7.0 VIRGO
0.77 145.0 12.0 4.17 MRWHOOP
0.75 200.0 16.0 5.0 MAVERICK
0.75 150.0 15.0 5.5 MOONBEAM
0.75 130.0 9.0 4.17 BUS
0.72 240.0 29.0 11.0 INFERNUS
0.72 180.0 10.0 10.0 STRETCH
0.65 200.0 24.0 10.0 MAFIA
0.65 200.0 16.0 5.0 POLMAV
0.65 200.0 16.0 5.0 COASTMAV
0.64 160.0 23.0 8.17 STALLION
0.60 200.0 28.0 11.1 PHEONIX
0.60 200.0 28.0 11.0 COMET
0.60 200.0 16.0 5.0 SEASPAR
0.60 180.0 21.0 7.5 WASHING
0.60 180.0 17.0 7.17 KURUMA
0.60 160.0 18.0 5.5 RUMPO
0.60 150.0 13.0 04.17 PEREN
0.56 220.0 36.0 10.0 HOTRING
0.56 165.0 24.0 10.17 SENTINEL
0.56 165.0 22.0 8.5 ADMIRAL
0.55 180.0 32.0 6.1 SABRETUR
0.55 160.0 25.0 6.0 CUBAN
0.54 230.0 32.0 11.1 CHEETAH
0.54 160.0 18.0 3.4 ESPERANT
0.54 160.0 15.0 5.4 GREENWOO
0.53 140.0 15.0 4.5 BENSON
0.53 140.0 12.0 4.5 MULE
0.52 200.0 26.0 10.0 DELUXO
0.52 160.0 24.0 8.17 SABRE1
0.51 180.0 19.0 9.1 TAXI
0.50 200.0 30.0 11.0 BLISTAC
0.50 200.0 28.0 11.0 STINGER
0.50 200.0 16.0 5.0 SPARROW
0.50 200.0 16.0 5.0 HUNTER
0.50 200.0 16.0 5.0 DODO
0.50 200.0 1.7 0.01 SEAPLANE
0.50 160.0 19.0 13.0 GOLFCART
0.50 160.0 15.0 6.0 PONY
0.50 160.0 15.0 08.0 MANANA
0.50 160.0 14.0 13.0 BAGGAGE
0.50 150.0 27.0 10.5 GANGBUR
0.50 150.0 25.0 8.5 BURRITO
0.49 200.0 33.0 11.1 BANSHEE
0.48 165.0 16.0 5.0 REGINA
0.48 150.0 13.0 5.7 COACH
0.47 180.0 15.0 10.0 LOVEFIST
0.45 190.0 3.0 0.02 CUPBOAT
0.45 160.0 16.0 5.0 OCEANIC
0.45 160.0 14.0 4.5 YANKEE
0.44 160.0 16.0 6.2 IDAHO
0.43 160.0 15.0 6.0 TOPFUN
0.43 150.0 10.0 10.00 FLATBED
0.42 160.0 18.0 3.5 HERMES
0.41 160.0 23.0 6.50 VOODOO
0.40 170.0 35.0 6.1 BFINJECT
0.40 160.0 22.0 7.0 CABBIE
0.40 160.0 16.0 6.2 GLENDALE
0.40 150.0 13.0 5.7 PACKER
0.40 140.0 14.0 4.5 BOXVILLE
0.39 190.0 2.5 0.04 SPEEDER
0.38 190.0 0.7 0.02 REEFER
0.38 190.0 0.5 0.04 MARQUIS
0.35 170.0 8.0 8.4 SECURICA
0.35 170.0 25.0 08.17 SANDKING
0.35 170.0 20.0 7.0 RANCHER
0.33 190.0 3.0 0.02 SQUALO
0.33 190.0 24.0 7.0 AMBULAN
0.33 190.0 1.7 0.05 PREDATOR
0.33 190.0 1.4 0.05 TROPIC
0.32 160.0 24.0 7.0 KAUFMAN
0.30 170.0 22.0 8.5 FBIRANCH
0.30 160.0 26.0 6.2 BLOODRB
0.30 160.0 24.0 6.2 BLOODRA
0.30 160.0 23.0 6.2 DESPERAD
0.26 180.0 12.0 10.00 BARRACKS
0.26 170.0 22.0 10.00 FIRETRUK
0.25 170.0 19.0 08.17 PATRIOT
0.25 120.0 18.0 8.0 LINERUN
0.24 200.0 28.0 11.1 POLICE
0.24 190.0 45.0 12.0 ANGEL
0.24 190.0 40.0 10.0 FREEWAY
0.23 190.0 24.0 10.0 FBICAR
0.23 190.0 0.5 0.02 RIO
0.23 160.0 20.0 6.2 LANDSTAL
0.20 165.0 17.0 8.5 BOBCAT
0.20 110.0 07.0 03.17 TRASH
0.19 150.0 14.0 6.5 WALTON
0.18 190.0 1.6 0.05 COASTGRD
0.18 160.0 26.0 9.0 ZEBRA
0.16 170.0 17.0 8.4 ENFORCER
0.15 190.0 50.0 19.0 DIRTBIKE
0.15 190.0 50.0 15.0 BIKE
0.12 190.0 1.2 0.07 DINGHY
0.11 190.0 30.0 14.0 MOPED
0.10 75.0 35.0 5.5 RCCOPTER
0.09 80.0 8.0 8.17 RHINO
0.08 75.0 35.0 5.5 RCBARON
0.05 75.0 35.0 5.5 RCGOBLIN
0.05 75.0 35.0 5.5 RCBANDIT
Vehicles Sorted by Speed
------------------------
SPEED ACCEL DECEL NAME
75.0 35.0 5.5 RCBANDIT
75.0 35.0 5.5 RCBARON
75.0 35.0 5.5 RCCOPTER
75.0 35.0 5.5 RCGOBLIN
80.0 8.0 8.17 RHINO
110.0 07.0 03.17 TRASH
120.0 18.0 8.0 LINERUN
130.0 9.0 4.17 BUS
140.0 12.0 4.5 MULE
140.0 14.0 4.5 BOXVILLE
140.0 15.0 4.5 BENSON
140.0 24.0 10.00 AIRTRAIN
140.0 24.0 10.00 DEADDODO
140.0 24.0 10.00 HELI
140.0 24.0 10.00 TRAIN
145.0 12.0 4.17 MRWHOOP
150.0 10.0 10.00 FLATBED
150.0 13.0 04.17 PEREN
150.0 13.0 5.7 COACH
150.0 13.0 5.7 PACKER
150.0 14.0 04.17 ROMERO
150.0 14.0 6.5 WALTON
150.0 15.0 5.5 MOONBEAM
150.0 15.0 5.5 SPAND
150.0 25.0 8.5 BURRITO
150.0 27.0 10.5 GANGBUR
160.0 14.0 13.0 BAGGAGE
160.0 14.0 4.5 YANKEE
160.0 15.0 08.0 MANANA
160.0 15.0 5.4 GREENWOO
160.0 15.0 6.0 PONY
160.0 15.0 6.0 TOPFUN
160.0 15.0 7.0 VIRGO
160.0 16.0 5.0 OCEANIC
160.0 16.0 6.2 GLENDALE
160.0 16.0 6.2 IDAHO
160.0 18.0 3.4 ESPERANT
160.0 18.0 3.5 HERMES
160.0 18.0 5.5 RUMPO
160.0 19.0 13.0 GOLFCART
160.0 20.0 6.2 LANDSTAL
160.0 22.0 7.0 CABBIE
160.0 23.0 6.2 DESPERAD
160.0 23.0 6.50 VOODOO
160.0 23.0 8.17 STALLION
160.0 24.0 6.2 BLOODRA
160.0 24.0 7.0 KAUFMAN
160.0 24.0 8.17 SABRE1
160.0 25.0 6.0 CUBAN
160.0 26.0 6.2 BLOODRB
160.0 26.0 9.0 ZEBRA
165.0 16.0 5.0 REGINA
165.0 17.0 8.5 BOBCAT
165.0 22.0 8.5 ADMIRAL
165.0 24.0 10.17 SENTINEL
170.0 17.0 8.4 ENFORCER
170.0 19.0 08.17 PATRIOT
170.0 20.0 7.0 RANCHER
170.0 22.0 10.00 FIRETRUK
170.0 22.0 8.5 FBIRANCH
170.0 25.0 08.17 SANDKING
170.0 35.0 6.1 BFINJECT
170.0 8.0 8.4 SECURICA
180.0 10.0 10.0 STRETCH
180.0 12.0 10.00 BARRACKS
180.0 15.0 10.0 LOVEFIST
180.0 17.0 7.17 KURUMA
180.0 19.0 9.1 TAXI
180.0 21.0 7.5 WASHING
180.0 32.0 6.1 SABRETUR
190.0 0.5 0.02 RIO
190.0 0.5 0.04 MARQUIS
190.0 0.7 0.02 REEFER
190.0 1.2 0.07 DINGHY
190.0 1.4 0.05 TROPIC
190.0 1.6 0.05 COASTGRD
190.0 1.7 0.05 PREDATOR
190.0 2.5 0.04 SPEEDER
190.0 24.0 10.0 FBICAR
190.0 24.0 7.0 AMBULAN
190.0 3.0 0.02 CUPBOAT
190.0 3.0 0.02 SQUALO
190.0 30.0 14.0 MOPED
190.0 40.0 10.0 FREEWAY
190.0 45.0 12.0 ANGEL
190.0 50.0 15.0 BIKE
190.0 50.0 19.0 DIRTBIKE
200.0 1.7 0.01 SEAPLANE
200.0 16.0 5.0 COASTMAV
200.0 16.0 5.0 DODO
200.0 16.0 5.0 HUNTER
200.0 16.0 5.0 MAVERICK
200.0 16.0 5.0 POLMAV
200.0 16.0 5.0 SEASPAR
200.0 16.0 5.0 SPARROW
200.0 24.0 10.0 MAFIA
200.0 26.0 10.0 DELUXO
200.0 28.0 11.0 COMET
200.0 28.0 11.0 STINGER
200.0 28.0 11.1 PHEONIX
200.0 28.0 11.1 POLICE
200.0 30.0 11.0 BLISTAC
200.0 33.0 11.1 BANSHEE
220.0 36.0 10.0 HOTRING
230.0 32.0 11.1 CHEETAH
240.0 29.0 11.0 INFERNUS
Vehicles sorted by Acceleration
-------------------------------
ACCELL SPEED DECEL NAME
0.5 190.0 0.02 RIO
0.5 190.0 0.04 MARQUIS
0.7 190.0 0.02 REEFER
1.2 190.0 0.07 DINGHY
1.4 190.0 0.05 TROPIC
1.6 190.0 0.05 COASTGRD
1.7 190.0 0.05 PREDATOR
1.7 200.0 0.01 SEAPLANE
2.5 190.0 0.04 SPEEDER
3.0 190.0 0.02 CUPBOAT
3.0 190.0 0.02 SQUALO
7.0 110.0 03.17 TRASH
8.0 170.0 8.4 SECURICA
8.0 80.0 8.17 RHINO
9.0 130.0 4.17 BUS
10.0 150.0 10.00 FLATBED
10.0 180.0 10.0 STRETCH
12.0 140.0 4.5 MULE
12.0 145.0 4.17 MRWHOOP
12.0 180.0 10.00 BARRACKS
13.0 150.0 04.17 PEREN
13.0 150.0 5.7 COACH
13.0 150.0 5.7 PACKER
14.0 140.0 4.5 BOXVILLE
14.0 150.0 04.17 ROMERO
14.0 150.0 6.5 WALTON
14.0 160.0 13.0 BAGGAGE
14.0 160.0 4.5 YANKEE
15.0 140.0 4.5 BENSON
15.0 150.0 5.5 MOONBEAM
15.0 150.0 5.5 SPAND
15.0 160.0 08.0 MANANA
15.0 160.0 5.4 GREENWOO
15.0 160.0 6.0 PONY
15.0 160.0 6.0 TOPFUN
15.0 160.0 7.0 VIRGO
15.0 180.0 10.0 LOVEFIST
16.0 160.0 5.0 OCEANIC
16.0 160.0 6.2 GLENDALE
16.0 160.0 6.2 IDAHO
16.0 165.0 5.0 REGINA
16.0 200.0 5.0 COASTMAV
16.0 200.0 5.0 DODO
16.0 200.0 5.0 HUNTER
16.0 200.0 5.0 MAVERICK
16.0 200.0 5.0 POLMAV
16.0 200.0 5.0 SEASPAR
16.0 200.0 5.0 SPARROW
17.0 165.0 8.5 BOBCAT
17.0 170.0 8.4 ENFORCER
17.0 180.0 7.17 KURUMA
18.0 120.0 8.0 LINERUN
18.0 160.0 3.4 ESPERANT
18.0 160.0 3.5 HERMES
18.0 160.0 5.5 RUMPO
19.0 160.0 13.0 GOLFCART
19.0 170.0 08.17 PATRIOT
19.0 180.0 9.1 TAXI
20.0 160.0 6.2 LANDSTAL
20.0 170.0 7.0 RANCHER
21.0 180.0 7.5 WASHING
22.0 160.0 7.0 CABBIE
22.0 165.0 8.5 ADMIRAL
22.0 170.0 10.00 FIRETRUK
22.0 170.0 8.5 FBIRANCH
23.0 160.0 6.2 DESPERAD
23.0 160.0 6.50 VOODOO
23.0 160.0 8.17 STALLION
24.0 140.0 10.00 AIRTRAIN
24.0 140.0 10.00 DEADDODO
24.0 140.0 10.00 HELI
24.0 140.0 10.00 TRAIN
24.0 160.0 6.2 BLOODRA
24.0 160.0 7.0 KAUFMAN
24.0 160.0 8.17 SABRE1
24.0 165.0 10.17 SENTINEL
24.0 190.0 10.0 FBICAR
24.0 190.0 7.0 AMBULAN
24.0 200.0 10.0 MAFIA
25.0 150.0 8.5 BURRITO
25.0 160.0 6.0 CUBAN
25.0 170.0 08.17 SANDKING
26.0 160.0 6.2 BLOODRB
26.0 160.0 9.0 ZEBRA
26.0 200.0 10.0 DELUXO
27.0 150.0 10.5 GANGBUR
28.0 200.0 11.0 COMET
28.0 200.0 11.0 STINGER
28.0 200.0 11.1 PHEONIX
28.0 200.0 11.1 POLICE
29.0 240.0 11.0 INFERNUS
30.0 190.0 14.0 MOPED
30.0 200.0 11.0 BLISTAC
32.0 180.0 6.1 SABRETUR
32.0 230.0 11.1 CHEETAH
33.0 200.0 11.1 BANSHEE
35.0 170.0 6.1 BFINJECT
35.0 75.0 5.5 RCBANDIT
35.0 75.0 5.5 RCBARON
35.0 75.0 5.5 RCCOPTER
35.0 75.0 5.5 RCGOBLIN
36.0 220.0 10.0 HOTRING
40.0 190.0 10.0 FREEWAY
45.0 190.0 12.0 ANGEL
50.0 190.0 15.0 BIKE
50.0 190.0 19.0 DIRTBIKE
-------------
f. Rare Cars
-------------
His part of this FAQ, Minesweeper, is left as is.
***********************************************************************
16B - RARE CARS
***********************************************************************
(A HUGE THANKS TO MINESWEEPER!!)
This is a list of all the rare cars you can get in the game. These cars only appear
in one or two missions a game, and then never again. Since they're so rare, I'm
making a list of them. Note that special cars like the Zebra Cab, White Infernus,
etc. aren't on here. That's because they have respawn points. If the vehicle has a
respawn point, then it's not considered rare enough to be on this list.
SPECIAL COLOR CARS
==============================================
BLACK ADMIRALS
--------------
MISSION:
Check Out at the Check In, Loose Ends
WALKTHROUGH FOR CHECK OUT AT THE CHECK IN:
This car is tricky to catch since the vehicles have locked doors and you can't shoot
the drivers. You somehow have to get one of those Admirals to drive inside one of
your safehouse garages, and then close the door on them. My favorite way is to have
purchased Hyman Condo, and then empty out one of my two-car garages. After you get
the case from the man you killed, drive to Hyman Condo instead of Ammu-Nation.
Now, wait around here for one of the black Admirals to show up, and then run inside
one of your garages. Hopefully, the Admiral will chase you inside the garage.
After the Admiral is in, quickly run out and let the door slam on the car. Complete
the mission as usual, and the guys inside the cars will vanish. If the car was
completely inside the garage, the doors will be unlocked and you now have a special
black Admiral. If not, push the car in until the door closes over the car
completely.
WALKTHROUGH FOR LOOSE ENDS:
None of the black Admirals behind the ice cream factory are unlocked.
You'll probably have to wait until the mission is over, since the front gate won't
open wide enough to let a car out until the mission is over. You just have to hope
the cars stay where they are and don't vanish. There's also the choice of driving
them out over the roof, but it's quite hard to do.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Leave a door on the vehicle open during the mission so it won't vanish.
Bring two Packers to the Ice Cream Factory, and use one Packer to get the other
packer inside the lot where the vehicle is. Drive the vehicle out over the Packer's
ramp.
Contributed by: THAguyINgta3
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
BLACK AND RED BOBCAT
--------------------
MISSION:
Autocide
WALKTHROUGH:
When you get to the part where you kill Marcus Hammond and Franco Carter in the
Bobcat, snipe them through the windshield of the car. Target the driver first,
because he'll drive away in the truck if you don't kill him. Take the Bobcat to one
of your garages afterwards.
BLACK PONY
----------
MISSION:
Loose Ends
WALKTHROUGH:
The black Pony behind the ice cream factory is unlocked. Be careful you don't
accidentally blow it up during the first part of the gunfight. You'll probably have
to wait until the mission is over, since the front gate won't open wide enough to
let a car out until the mission is over. You just have to hope the car stays where
it is and doesn't vanish. There's also the choice of driving it out over the roof,
but it's quite hard to do.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Leave a door on the vehicle open during the mission so it won't vanish.
Bring two Packers to the Ice Cream Factory, and use one Packer to get the other
packer inside the lot where the vehicle is. Drive the vehicle out over the Packer's
ramp.
Contributed by: THAguyINgta3
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
BLACK SANCHEZ
-------------
MISSION:
Trial By Dirt
WALKTHROUGH:
I wouldn't really count this as a rare car, since you can get it any time you like
by repeating this mission. However, I'm sure I'll get bugged about this vehicle if
I don't post it, so I'm putting it up. During the race, you'll be attacked by
Haitians riding black Sanchezs. Kill one of them and take his bike. You can finish
the race on that bike before you take it to a garage.
BLACK SENTINEL
--------------
MISSION:
Hit The Courier
WALKTHROUGH:
The courier's black Sentinel in this mission is locked. To get it from the courier,
try forcing her car into a corner. Once she's stuck, use a rifle or something to
shoot her through the windows. The door will open and her body will fall out. You
can now take the car to one of your garages.
BLACK VOODOO
------------
MISSION:
Two Bit Hit
WALKTHROUGH:
This car will be parked at the funeral parlor when you get ready to kill the Haitian
gang lord. Steal this car from the Haitian driving it and take the car to one of
your garages. Don't worry about losing the Haitian gang lord while he escapes,
because his hearse will just drive around until you kill him.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
BLACK WASHINGTON
----------------
MISSION:
All Hands On Deck!
WALKTHROUGH:
When the mission starts out, kill all the people on the boat except Cortez (I did
this to buy me time although I'm not sure if it really does). Jump down to the back
of the boat and then on to the Speeder as it passes by. Kill the guy on the boat and
then drive it back to the dock. Go to the black Washington and get ready to push it
to your Ocean Heights Apartment. To push it, make sure you position yourself in the
center of the front of the vehicle and then run forward (infinite run helps a lot on
this mission).
When you get to the intersection before the street that your hideout is on, it gets
tough to push it. Try to avoid this intersection as much as possible. Make sure
that the Washington doesn't explode because if it does, it will disappear when you
push it close to your garage. There is a time limit so push it into your garage
quickly. You will appear on the ship automatically for the second part of the
mission, and that could keep you from pushing it to the garage. After the mission,
go back to your garage and the black washington should still be there.
Contributed by: Rusty Zufall
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
GOLD STRETCH
------------
MISSION:
Martha's Mug Shot
STRATEGY:
Shoot the driver of the Stretch through the window before Candy gets inside it.
Kill Candy, and then take the car to one of your garages.
SILVER PCJ 600
--------------
MISSION:
Autocide
STRATEGY:
Take the PCJ 600 parked near the weapons cache at the start of the mission to one of
your garages.
WHITE ADMIRAL
-------------
MISSION:
An Old Friend
STRATEGY:
This Admiral is the one Ken Rosenburg drives during the opening. It will be parked
next to you once you first gain control after the introduction. It will be
difficult to keep this white Admiral since you don't have a safehouse with a garage
yet. Try getting a gun and holding up some stores to get the money to buy a
safehouse. Don't sweat it if you lose it though, because you'll get another chance
at a white Admiral later. Not only that, but the Admiral you get later is
everything-proof!
WHITE WALTON
------------
MISSION:
Gun Runner
STRATEGY:
Steal one of the white Waltons one of the Mexicans are transporting the weapons in.
If you blow it up in one of your safehouse garages you can still complete the
mission and keep the truck at the same time.
UNIQUE CARS
==============================================
LOVE FIST LIMO
--------------
MISSIONS:
Psycho Killer, Publicity Tour
STRATEGY FOR BOTH MISSIONS:
Just drive the limo to one of your garages after you complete either mission.
ROMERO'S HEARSE
---------------
MISSION:
Two Bit Hit
STRATEGY:
There will be two of these cars parked at the funeral parlor when you get ready to
kill the Haitian gang lord. Steal one of them and take the car to one of your
garages. Don't worry about losing the Haitian gang lord while he escapes, because
his hearse will just drive around until you kill him.
SPAND EXPRESS
-------------
MISSION:
Jury Fury, Riot
STRATEGY FOR JURY FURY:
After you beat on the man who tries to flee in his Admiral, he'll crash into a Spand
Express truck. Take the truck to one of your garages.
STRATEGY FOR RIOT:
After you get the security guards to open the front gates of the Spand
Express building, steal one of the Spand Express trucks and take it to a garage.
Blow it up in there to complete the mission and keep the truck at the same time.
LIGHTLESS TAXI
--------------
MISSION:
None
STRATEGY:
The good ole' lightless Taxi bug from GTA3 makes a return appearance in GTAVC. The
lightless taxi looks like your average taxi, apart from the fact it has no light on
the top. There is absolutely nothing else on it that makes this car special. The
lightless Taxi is difficult to find, because it's a graphical glitch. I found one
of these while it was driving around in front of the passenger terminal at Escobar
International. My advice on finding it is to check the roof of every taxi you see.
Drive your own taxi to encourage more taxis to spawn too. I've also heard they tend
to appear more often right after you've loaded your game.
"PROOFED" VEHICLES
==============================================
EVERYTHING-PROOF WHITE ADMIRAL
------------------------------
MISSION:
Guardian Angels
STRATEGY:
Diaz's white Admiral in this mission is an indestructible vehicle. It doesn't take
physical damage when you run it into things, it's bulletproof, and explosions do
also not damage it. To get it, simply kill Diaz or Lance when you arrive at the
deal location instead of going to play sniper. Make sure you've got a safehouse
garage reserved for this sweet baby!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
You don't have to fail "Guardian Angels" to get the Bulletproof White Admiral. After
you complete the mission, just run out on the street and it will be parked at the
intersection.
Contributed by: Rusty Zufall
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
BULLET-PROOF SABRE TURBO
------------------------
MISSION:
THE DRIVER
STRATEGY:
Finish the race with Hilary close to you. After the race is over, Hilary will
vanish from his car and the car will stop. The doors are locked, so you'll have to
push it to one of your hideouts to unlock it.
I've discovered another way that can make getting the car back much easier. Only do
this if you're a skilled sniper. Stand next to the well-stacked Pizza restaurant to
the north and face the bridge nearby. Set up a barricade of cars at the bridge. On
the left side of the road there will be Gonzales's apartment building. When the
timer gets close to 2:00, run behind the apartment building and get the Adrenaline
Pill there. Come back and equip a rifle (my preferred one is a PSG1).
When Hilary comes, try to snipe him through his windshield. His body might fall out
of the car, which will open the door. Drive it to your hideout but don't close the
door on the way there, otherwise the car will be locked. Even if you do miss here,
you could still do it the old fashioned way of ramming the car back to a safehouse.
Source: www.gamefaqs.com GTAVC messageboard
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
FIRE-PROOF BANSHEE, CHEETAH, AND INFERNUS
=========================================
MISSION:
Car Showroom street races
WALKTHROUGH:
To get them just do a drive-by on the racing cars after the race and the person
should get out. Make sure you don't close the door if you get out of it because the
doors will lock. Take it back to your garage to make the doors unlock.
CUBAN HERMES AND VOODOO WITH POP-PROOF TIRES
============================================
MISSION:
Guardian Angels
STRATEGY:
After the mission has ended, simply take one of the Voodoos or the Cuban Hermes that
appeared during the mission. However, once you save it in a garage, it won't have
pop-proof tires anymore.
Contributed by: Rusty Zufall
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
***********************************************************************
16C - FREEBIE ITEM VEHICLES
***********************************************************************
There are a handful of vehicles in this game that you'll get free stuff from if you
get inside them. However, you only get the free item once per vehicle. So, for
example, don't try getting in and out of the ambulance over and over to get more
health.
AMBULANCE
=========
- 20 health. You can only go up to your normal maximum health though. For example,
if you got 125 health from a hooker and your maximum health is 100, you'll go down
to 100 when you get in an ambulance.
CADDIE
======
- Golf Club if you don't have a melee weapon.
ENFORCER
========
- Maximum armor.
POLICE CAR
==========
- Five shotgun shells, and a Chrome Shotgun if you don't have a shotgun.
============
10. Weapons
============
Remember you can only carry nine weapons at a time, and here is what
you can carry. (Locations coming soon)
1 Camera (Only for the "Martha's Mug Shot Mission")
1 Fist Weapon
1 Melee
1 Projectile
1 Pistol
1 Uzi
1 Assault Rifle
1 Shotgun
1 Heavy Metal
1 Sniper
(Thanks to Brady Games for the list)
-------------------
a. Slot 1 (Camera)
-------------------
-Camera
Used only in the mission "Martha's Mug Shot" use to take a picture.
Duh.
------------------
b. Slot 2 (Fists)
------------------
-Fists
What you use when you don't have brass knuckles. For punching obviously.
-Brass Knuckles
Sneaky wimps' way of punching. Highly illegal.
------------------
c. Slot 3 (Melee)
------------------
-Chainsaw
18-in. 40-cc gas chain saw. Automatic chain tensioning, chain brake, cuts through
bone. Includes case and extra chain.
-Cleaver
This carbon steel cleaver can be used for cutting up large bones, pork chops, or
cartilage. Good for commercial or street use. What the butchers use to cut up
meat. What you use to cut up people.
-Screw Driver
Screw this!
-Golf Club
All titanium and graphite shaft clubs on sale. Improve your score on the links with
these superior products.
-Hammer
All steel construction, full polish tool, with head and handle forged in one piece.
-Katana
Kung Fu movies have a lot to answer for. Psychos think swords are funny.
-Nightstick
What the police do to you to say good night. Big sticks to whack people with.
-Baseball Bat
The classic is back! Use to hit baseballs or people, whatever you want.
-Knife
Outdoor knife for all-purpose, heavy-duty use. Perfect for those who need a rugged
knife. Includes black leather sheath.
-Machete
A very large knife used to trim the bushes, or peoples' heads off if that's what you
want.
------------------------
d. Slot 4 (Projectiles)
------------------------
-Tear Gas
Semi-legal, highly dangerous way of causing crowd unrest.
-Grenades
Your classic small bombs that explode after a certain amount of time. Good for
blowing up stuff.
-Molotov
A bottle filled with gasoline and a damp rag for a wick. When set on fire, lots of
fire will come out. Good for burning stuff.
-Bomb/Detonator
Same as a Grenade, only with a detonator.
-------------------
e. Slot 5 (Pistol)
-------------------
-Colt 45
A weaker version of a Python, but you can move while shooting.
-Python
Dangerous peace-maker. One shot certain to put a man down. Approach with extreme
caution. You can't move while shooting it.
--------------------
f. Slot 6 (Shotgun)
--------------------
(Thanks to Vido Corleone)
-Default Shotgun
Extremely powerful shotgun. Could stop an elephant. And has. Used in Vice City on
other things. With devastating results.
-Stubby Shotgun
Extremely powerful short-range weapon. Very dangerous in the wrong hands: anyone's
but ours.
-Spas 12 Shotgun
Deadly in the hands of any person. This one shot wonder fires not 1, not 2 but 7
shots in a row without reloading. Interested in taking down a group of gang members?
Checkout AmmuNation downtown
----------------
g. Slot 7 (Uzi)
----------------
-Tec 9
Short-range, high-impact automatic weapon. Popular with Cuban drug barons and other
law-breakers. No social benefit to this one - unlike most machine guns.
-Uzi
Extremely popular on the streets. The weakest of all Uzis.
-Ingram MAC 10
Recoil and short rang, but high powered and fast make up for it. Cheap. Extremely
dangerous rapid-fire. Available at a supermarket near you.
-MP5
The best Uzi. One of the best weapons. Very accurate. Very hard to get from an
FBI agent.
---------------------------
h. Slot 8 (Assault Rifles)
---------------------------
-Ruger
I tried one of these down at the gun club. Isn't that a great pastime?
Shooting high velocity rifles in a secure environment. Makes me feel like a man.
One of the best close and far, with high-speed bullets.
What else do you want?
-Colt M4
One of the deadliest weapons around. Auto-aim, a scope and even better than a
Ruger. Wow.
-------------------------
i. Slot 9 (Heavy Metals)
-------------------------
-Flame Thrower
Beware psychopaths and over-enthusiastic barbequers with this weapon. Fine for use
in South Easy Asia, but on the streets of Vice City, it's nothing but a menace.
-M60
Military issue M60s. Now found as weapon of choice for well-funded private
militias.
-Rocket Launcher
Supposedly illegal. Banned for civilian use. Have been appearing on the streets of
Vice City for the past couple of years. Present extreme danger to public order. I
thought we sold all of these things to corrupt dictators and people fighting the
Russians?
-Minigun
Better known as a Gattling Gun, it is a gun with high clips and lots of power.
Beware. Definitely not mini in power.
---------------------------
j. Slot 10 (Sniper Rifles)
---------------------------
-Sniper Rifle
Assassination remains rifle in Vice City. Who is Mr. Black?
-PSG-1
Wow. Is this ever cool? You don't have to reload after every shot like the Sniper
Rifle, and it is more accurate. Me-likey the PSG-1.
---------
k. Items
---------
-Health
A Heart icon that restores your health to 100. See the Locations section for more
details.
-Body Armor
A...body armor...icon that provides 100 extra points of protection along with your
health. It looks a lot like a bulletproof vest. See the Locations section for more
details.
-Police Bribe
These star icons lower your wanted level by 1. See the Locations section for more
details.
-Adrenaline Pill
This red and white pill icon slows the rest of the world down as well as you, but
makes you strong enough to push cars, jump farther, etc.
-Rampage
A skull icon that initiates a rampage mission. See the rampages section for more
details.
-Hidden Package
It looks like a little figurine, with wings and stuff. It is hard to explain, but
they are worth $1000 each and $1,000,000 when you get all of them. Also, there are
prizes for every 10 you collect. For more information, see the hidden packages
section.
----------------
l. Weapon Stats
----------------
HUGE THANKS GOES OUT TO PSY FOR ALL OF THIS INFORMATION!!!
All of the stats below came straight from the game data, do not email me telling us
that there is a mistake with them, and the name is wrong, that's what the data says,
that's what it stays!
It took me 5 hours to make this into some useful info, by copying and pasting loads
of different stuff together, until I eventually got this. So you better find it
helpful!
- Psy
I'm also unsure on what most if them mean, so if anyone knows, feel free to submit
anything.
=====================================================================
Weapon name: Unarmed
Fire type: MELEE
Range: 2.4
Firing Rate: 250
Reload: 100
Amount of Ammunition: 1000
Damage: 8
Speed: -1.0
Radius: 0.6
Life span: -1.0
Spread: -1.0
Fire offset vector: 0.1, 0.65, 0.30
animation to play: unarmed
animation loop start: 0
animation loop end: 99
point in animation where weapon is fired: 6
animation2 loop start: 0
animation2 loop end: 99
point in animation2 where weapon is fired: 12
point in anim where we can breakout of anim/attack and run away: 99
model id: -1
model2 id: -1
Flags: 102000
=====================================================================
Weapon name: BrassKnuckle
Fire type: MELEE
Range: 2.0
Firing Rate: 250
Reload: 100
Amount of Ammunition: 1000
Damage: 16
Speed: -1.0
Radius: 0.8
Life span: -1.0
Spread: -1.0
Fire offset vector: 0.1, 0.8, 0.30
animation to play: unarmed
animation loop start: 5
animation loop end: 20
point in animation where weapon is fired: 14
animation2 loop start: 3
animation2 loop end: 17
point in animation2 where weapon is fired: 11
point in anim where we can breakout of anim/attack and run away: 99
model id: 259
model2 id: -1
Flags: 102000
=====================================================================
Weapon name: ScrewDriver
Fire type: MELEE
Range: 1.8
Firing Rate: 250
Reload: 100
Amount of Ammunition: 1000
Damage: 45
Speed: -1.0
Radius: 0.5
Life span: -1.0
Spread: -1.0
Fire offset vector: 0.0, 0.,7 0.20
animation to play: screwdrv
animation loop start: 5
animation loop end: 99
point in animation where weapon is fired: 14
animation2 loop start: 3
animation2 loop end: 17
point in animation2 where weapon is fired: 11
point in anim where we can breakout of anim/attack and run away: 99
model id: 260
model2 id: -1
Flags: 115000
=====================================================================
Weapon name: GolfClub
Fire type: MELEE
Range: 1.5
Firing Rate: 250
Reload: 100
Amount of Ammunition: 1000
Damage: 21
Speed: -1.0
Radius: 0.8
Life span: -1.0
Spread: -1.0
Fire offset vector: 0.1, 0.8, 0.30
animation to play: golfclub
animation loop start: 5
animation loop end: 20
point in animation where weapon is fired: 16
animation2 loop start: 3
animation2 loop end: 15
point in animation2 where weapon is fired: 12
point in anim where we can breakout of anim/attack and run away: 99
model id: 261
model2 id: -1
Flags: 102000
=====================================================================
Weapon name: NightStick
Fire type: MELEE
Range: 1.5
Firing Rate: 250
Reload: 100
Amount of Ammunition: 1000
Damage: 21
Speed: -1.0
Radius: 0.8
Life span: -1.0
Spread: -1.0
Fire offset vector: 0.1, 0.8, 0.30
animation to play: baseball
animation loop start: 5
animation loop end: 20
point in animation where weapon is fired: 14
animation2 loop start: 3
animation2 loop end: 17
point in animation2 where weapon is fired: 11
point in anim where we can breakout of anim/attack and run away: 99
model id: 262
model2 id: -1
Flags: 102000
=====================================================================
Weapon name: Knife
Fire type: MELEE
Range: 1.8
Firing Rate: 250
Reload: 100
Amount of Ammunition: 1000
Damage: 21
Speed: -1.0
Radius: 0.5
Life span: -1.0
Spread: -1.0
Fire offset vector: 0.0, 0.8, 0.20
animation to play: knife
animation loop start: 5
animation loop end: 99
point in animation where weapon is fired: 14
animation2 loop start: 3
animation2 loop end: 17
point in animation2 where weapon is fired: 11
point in anim where we can breakout of anim/attack and run away: 99
model id: 263
model2 id: -1
Flags: 115000
=====================================================================
Weapon name: BaseballBat
Fire type: MELEE
Range: 2.0
Firing Rate: 250
Reload: 100
Amount of Ammunition: 1000
Damage: 21
Speed: -1.0
Radius: 0.8
Life span: -1.0
Spread: -1.0
Fire offset vector: 0.1, 0.8, 0.30
animation to play: baseball
animation loop start: 5
animation loop end: 20
point in animation where weapon is fired: 16
animation2 loop start: 3
animation2 loop end: 17
point in animation2 where weapon is fired: 11
point in anim where we can breakout of anim/attack and run away: 99
model id: 264
model2 id: -1
Flags: 102000
=====================================================================
Weapon name: Hammer
Fire type: MELEE
Range: 1.5
Firing Rate: 250
Reload: 100
Amount of Ammunition: 1000
Damage: 21
Speed: -1.0
Radius: 0.8
Life span: -1.0
Spread: -1.0
Fire offset vector: 0.1, 0.8, 0.30
animation to play: baseball
animation loop start: 5
animation loop end: 20
point in animation where weapon is fired: 14
animation2 loop start: 3
animation2 loop end: 17
point in animation2 where weapon is fired: 11
point in anim where we can breakout of anim/attack and run away: 99
model id: 265
model2 id: -1
Flags: 102000
=====================================================================
Weapon name: Cleaver
Fire type: MELEE
Range: 1.9
Firing Rate: 250
Reload: 100
Amount of Ammunition: 1000
Damage: 24
Speed: -1.0
Radius: 0.6
Life span: -1.0
Spread: -1.0
Fire offset vector: 0.0, 0.9, 0.20
animation to play: knife
animation loop start: 5
animation loop end: 99
point in animation where weapon is fired: 14
animation2 loop start: 3
animation2 loop end: 17
point in animation2 where weapon is fired: 11
point in anim where we can breakout of anim/attack and run away: 99
model id: 266
model2 id: -1
Flags: 115000
=====================================================================
Weapon name: Machete
Fire type: MELEE
Range: 2.0
Firing Rate: 250
Reload: 100
Amount of Ammunition: 1000
Damage: 24
Speed: -1.0
Radius: 0.6
Life span: -1.0
Spread: -1.0
Fire offset vector: 0.0, 1.0, 0.20
animation to play: knife
animation loop start: 5
animation loop end: 99
point in animation where weapon is fired: 14
animation2 loop start: 3
animation2 loop end: 17
point in animation2 where weapon is fired: 11
point in anim where we can breakout of anim/attack and run away: 99
model id: 267
model2 id: -1
Flags: 115000
=====================================================================
Weapon name: Katana
Fire type: MELEE
Range: 2.1
Firing Rate: 250
Reload: 100
Amount of Ammunition: 1000
Damage: 30
Speed: -1.0
Radius: 0.7
Life span: -1.0
Spread: -1.0
Fire offset vector: 0.0, 1.2, 0.30
animation to play: knife
animation loop start: 5
animation loop end: 99
point in animation where weapon is fired: 14
animation2 loop start: 3
animation2 loop end: 17
point in animation2 where weapon is fired: 11
point in anim where we can breakout of anim/attack and run away: 99
model id: 268
model2 id: -1
Flags: 115000
=====================================================================
Weapon name: Chainsaw
Fire type: MELEE
Range: 1.7
Firing Rate: 250
Reload: 100
Amount of Ammunition: 1000
Damage: 35
Speed: -1.0
Radius: 0.55
Life span: -1.0
Spread: -1.0
Fire offset vector: 0.0, 1.3, 0.10
animation to play: chainsaw
animation loop start: 5
animation loop end: 35
point in animation where weapon is fired: 30
animation2 loop start: 3
animation2 loop end: 99
point in animation2 where weapon is fired: 48
point in anim where we can breakout of anim/attack and run away: 99
model id: 269
model2 id: -1
Flags: 102000
=====================================================================
Weapon name: Grenade
Fire type: PROJECTILE
Range: 30.0
Firing Rate: 100
Reload: 1
Amount of Ammunition: 1
Damage: 75
Speed: 0.25
Radius: -1.0
Life span: 800.0
Spread: 1.0
Fire offset vector: 0.0, 0.0, 0.0
animation to play: grenade
animation loop start: 0
animation loop end: 99
point in animation where weapon is fired: 10
animation2 loop start: 0
animation2 loop end: 99
point in animation2 where weapon is fired: 6
point in anim where we can breakout of anim/attack and run away: 99
model id: 270
model2 id: -1
Flags: 2424
=====================================================================
Weapon name: DetonateGrenade
Fire type: PROJECTILE
Range: 30.0
Firing Rate: 100
Reload: 1
Amount of Ammunition: 1
Damage: 75
Speed: 0.25
Radius: -1.0
Life span: 800.0
Spread: 1.0
Fire offset vector: 0.0, 0.0, 0.0
animation to play: grenade
animation loop start: 0
animation loop end: 99
point in animation where weapon is fired: 10
animation2 loop start: 0
animation2 loop end: 99
point in animation2 where weapon is fired: 6
point in anim where we can breakout of anim/attack and run away: 99
model id: 270
model2 id: 291
Flags: 2424
=====================================================================
Weapon name: TearGas
Fire type: PROJECTILE
Range: 30.0
Firing Rate: 100
Reload: 1
Amount of Ammunition: 1
Damage: 75
Speed: 0.25
Radius: -1.0
Life span: 800.0
Spread: 1.0
Fire offset vector: 0.0, 0.0, 0.0
animation to play: grenade
animation loop start: 0
animation loop end: 99
point in animation where weapon is fired: 10
animation2 loop start: 0
animation2 loop end: 99
point in animation2 where weapon is fired: 6
point in anim where we can breakout of anim/attack and run away: 99
model id: 271
model2 id: -1
Flags: 2424
=====================================================================
Weapon name: Molotov
Fire type: PROJECTILE
Range: 25.0
Firing Rate: 100
Reload: 1
Amount of Ammunition: 1
Damage: 75
Speed: 0.25
Radius: -1.0
Life span: 2000.0
Spread: 5.0
Fire offset vector: 0.0, 0.0, 0.0
animation to play: grenade
animation loop start: 0
animation loop end: 99
point in animation where weapon is fired: 10
animation2 loop start: 0
animation2 loop end: 99
point in animation2 where weapon is fired: 6
point in anim where we can breakout of anim/attack and run away: 99
model id: 272
model2 id: -1
Flags: 2424
=====================================================================
Weapon name: Rocket
Fire type: PROJECTILE
Range: 30.0
Firing Rate: 100
Reload: 1
Amount of Ammunition: 1 2
Damage: 75
Speed: 0.25
Radius: -1.0
Life span: 800.0
Spread: 1.0
Fire offset vector: 0.0, 0.0, 0.0
animation to play: unarmed
animation loop start: 0
animation loop end: 99
point in animation where weapon is fired: 10
animation2 loop start: 0
animation2 loop end: 99
point in animation2 where weapon is fired: 6
point in anim where we can breakout of anim/attack and run away: 99
model id: 273
model2 id: -1
Flags: 2424
=====================================================================
Weapon name: Colt45
Fire type: INSTANT_HIT
Range: 30.0
Firing Rate: 250
Reload: 450
Amount of Ammunition: 17
Damage: 25
Speed: -1.0
Radius: -1.0
Life span: -1.0 3
Spread: -1.0
Fire offset vector: 0.30, 0.0, 0.09
animation to play: colt45
animation loop start: 11
animation loop end: 18
point in animation where weapon is fired: 14
animation2 loop start: 11
animation2 loop end: 18
point in animation2 where weapon is fired: 12
point in anim where we can breakout of anim/attack and run away: 99
model id: 274
model2 id: -1
Flags: 680C0
=====================================================================
Weapon name: Python
Fire type: INSTANT_HIT
Range: 30.0
Firing Rate: 250
Reload: 1000
Amount of Ammunition: 6
Damage: 135
Speed: -1.0
Radius: -1.0
Life span: -1.0
Spread: -1.0
Fire offset vector: 0.41, 0.03, 0.12
animation to play: python
animation loop start: 10
animation loop end: 31
point in animation where weapon is fired: 14
animation2 loop start: 14
animation2 loop end: 37
point in animation2 where weapon is fired: 16
point in anim where we can breakout of anim/attack and run away: 40
model id: 275
model2 id: -1
Flags: 28040
=====================================================================
Weapon name: Shotgun
Fire type: INSTANT_HIT
Range: 40.0
Firing Rate: 250
Reload: 450
Amount of Ammunition: 1
Damage: 80
Speed: -1.0
Radius: -1.0
Life span: -1.0
Spread: -1.0
Fire offset vector: 0.86, -0.02, 0.28
animation to play: shotgun
animation loop start: 12
animation loop end: 34
point in animation where weapon is fired: 15
animation2 loop start: 9
animation2 loop end: 26
point in animation2 where weapon is fired: 13
point in anim where we can breakout of anim/attack and run away: 30
model id: 277
model2 id: -1
Flags: 20040
=====================================================================
Weapon name: Spas12Shotgun
Fire type: INSTANT_HIT
Range: 30.0
Firing Rate: 250
Reload: 750
Amount of Ammunition: 7
Damage: 100
Speed: -1.0
Radius: -1.0
Life span: -1.0
Spread: -1.0
Fire offset vector: 0.85, -0.06, 0.19
animation to play: buddy
animation loop start: 14
animation loop end: 20
point in animation where weapon is fired: 15
animation2 loop start: 14
animation2 loop end: 20
point in animation2 where weapon is fired: 14
point in anim where we can breakout of anim/attack and run away: 25
model id: 278
model2 id: -1
Flags: 20040
=====================================================================
Weapon name: StubbyShotgun
Fire type: INSTANT_HIT
Range: 15.0
Firing Rate: 250
Reload: 750
Amount of Ammunition: 1
Damage: 120
Speed: -1.0
Radius: -1.0
Life span: -1.0
Spread: -1.0
Fire offset vector: 0.55, -0.02, 0.13
animation to play: buddy
animation loop start: 14
animation loop end: 50
point in animation where weapon is fired: 15
animation2 loop start: 14
animation2 loop end: 56
point in animation2 where weapon is fired: 15
point in anim where we can breakout of anim/attack and run away: 25
model id: 279
model2 id: -1
Flags: 20040
=====================================================================
Weapon name: Tec9
Fire type: INSTANT_HIT
Range: 30.0
Firing Rate: 250
Reload: 500
Amount of Ammunition: 50
Damage: 20
Speed: -1.0
Radius: -1.0
Life span: -1.0
Spread: -1.0
Fire offset vector: 0.45, -0.05, 0.11
animation to play: colt45
animation loop start: 11
animation loop end: 15
point in animation where weapon is fired: 14
animation2 loop start: 11
animation2 loop end: 15
point in animation2 where weapon is fired: 12
point in anim where we can breakout of anim/attack and run away: 99
model id: 281
model2 id: -1
Flags: 280C0
=====================================================================
Weapon name: Uzi
Fire type: INSTANT_HIT
Range: 45.0
Firing Rate: 250
Reload: 500
Amount of Ammunition: 30
Damage: 20
Speed: -1.0
Radius: -1.0
Life span: -1.0
Spread: -1.0
Fire offset vector: 0.45, 0.00, 0.12
animation to play: uzi
animation loop start: 12
animation loop end: 14
point in animation where weapon is fired: 12
animation2 loop start: 11
animation2 loop end: 13
point in animation2 where weapon is fired: 12
point in anim where we can breakout of anim/attack and run away: 25
model id: 282
model2 id: -1
Flags: 28840
=====================================================================
Weapon name: SilencedIngram
Fire type: INSTANT_HIT
Range: 30.0
Firing Rate: 250
Reload: 500
Amount of Ammunition: 30
Damage: 15
Speed: -1.0
Radius: -1.0
Life span: -1.0
Spread: -1.0
Fire offset vector: 0.36, 0.02, 0.11
animation to play: colt45
animation loop start: 11
animation loop end: 13
point in animation where weapon is fired: 13
animation2 loop start: 11
animation2 loop end: 13
point in animation2 where weapon is fired: 11
point in anim where we can breakout of anim/attack and run away: 99
model id: 283
model2 id: -1
Flags: 280C0
=====================================================================
Weapon name: Mp5
Fire type: INSTANT_HIT
Range: 45.0
Firing Rate: 250
Reload: 500
Amount of Ammunition: 30
Damage: 35
Speed: -1.0
Radius: -1.0
Life span: -1.0
Spread: -1.0
Fire offset vector: 0.51, -0.01, 0.20
animation to play: uzi
animation loop start: 11
animation loop end: 14
point in animation where weapon is fired: 11
animation2 loop start: 11
animation2 loop end: 14
point in animation2 where weapon is fired: 12
point in anim where we can breakout of anim/attack and run away: 30
model id: 284
model2 id: -1
Flags: 28840
=====================================================================
Weapon name: m4
Fire type: INSTANT_HIT
Range: 90.0
Firing Rate: 250
Reload: 1000
Amount of Ammunition: 30
Damage: 40
Speed: -1.0
Radius: -1.0
Life span: -1.0
Spread: -1.0
Fire offset vector: 0.88, -0.04, 0.16
animation to play: rifle
animation loop start: 14
animation loop end: 17
point in animation where weapon is fired: 15
animation2 loop start: 14
animation2 loop end: 17
point in animation2 where weapon is fired: 15
point in anim where we can breakout of anim/attack and run away: 99
model id: 280
model2 id: -1
Flags: 28050
=====================================================================
Weapon name: Ruger
Fire type: INSTANT_HIT
Range: 90.0
Firing Rate: 250
Reload: 1000
Amount of Ammunition: 30
Damage: 35
Speed: -1.0
Radius: -1.0
Life span: -1.0
Spread: -1.0
Fire offset vector: 1.00, -0.06, 0.17
animation to play: rifle
animation loop start: 12
animation loop end: 17
point in animation where weapon is fired: 14
animation2 loop start: 11
animation2 loop end: 16
point in animation2 where weapon is fired: 13
point in anim where we can breakout of anim/attack and run away: 99
model id: 276
model2 id: -1
Flags: 28040
=====================================================================
Weapon name: SniperRifle
Fire type: INSTANT_HIT
Range: 100.0
Firing Rate: 500
Reload: 1401
Amount of Ammunition: 1
Damage: 125
Speed: -1.0
Radius: -1.0
Life span: -1.0
Spread: -1.0 8
Fire offset vector: 0.0, 0.66, 0.05
animation to play: unarmed
animation loop start: 12
animation loop end: 15
point in animation where weapon is fired: 14
animation2 loop start: 0
animation2 loop end: 10
point in animation2 where weapon is fired: 3
point in anim where we can breakout of anim/attack and run away: 99
model id: 285
model2 id: -1
Flags: 100
=====================================================================
Weapon name: LaserScope
Fire type: INSTANT_HIT
Range: 100.0
Firing Rate: 150
Reload: 1401
Amount of Ammunition: 7
Damage: 125
Speed: -1.0
Radius: -1.0
Life span: -1.0
Spread: -1.0
Fire offset vector: 0.0, 0.66, 0.05
animation to play: unarmed
animation loop start: 2
animation loop end: 8
point in animation where weapon is fired: 3
animation2 loop start: 0
animation2 loop end: 10
point in animation2 where weapon is fired: 3
point in anim where we can breakout of anim/attack and run away: 99
model id: 286
model2 id: -1
Flags: 100
=====================================================================
Weapon name: RocketLauncher
Fire type: PROJECTILE
Range: 55.0
Firing Rate: 100
Reload: 1200
Amount of Ammunition: 1
Damage: 75
Speed: 2.0
Radius: -1.0
Life span: 1000.0
Spread: 1.0
Fire offset vector: 0.42, 0.0, 0.05
animation to play: unarmed
animation loop start: 0
animation loop end: 99
point in animation where weapon is fired: 14
animation2 loop start: 0
animation2 loop end: 99
point in animation2 where weapon is fired: 14
point in anim where we can breakout of anim/attack and run away: 99
model id: 287
model2 id: -1
Flags: 324
=====================================================================
Weapon name: FlameThrower
Fire type: AREA_EFFECT
Range: 5.1
Firing Rate: 100
Reload: 100
Amount of Ammunition: 500
Damage: 25
Speed: 0.65
Radius: 0.075
Life span: 1000.0
Spread: 3.0
Fire offset vector: 1.30, 0.0, 0.56
animation to play: flame
animation loop start: 12
animation loop end: 13
point in animation where weapon is fired: 12
animation2 loop start: 6
animation2 loop end: 7
point in animation2 where weapon is fired: 7
point in anim where we can breakout of anim/attack and run away: 25
model id: 288
model2 id: -1
Flags: 1E
=====================================================================
Weapon name: M60
Fire type: INSTANT_HIT
Range: 75.0
Firing Rate: 1
Reload: 500
Amount of Ammunition: 100
Damage: 130
Speed: -1.0
Radius: -1.0
Life span: -1.0
Spread: -1.0
Fire offset vector: 1.0, 0.00, 0.23
animation to play: m60
animation loop start: 12
animation loop end: 16
point in animation where weapon is fired: 13
animation2 loop start: 10
animation2 loop end: 12
point in animation2 where weapon is fired: 10
point in anim where we can breakout of anim/attack and run away: 30
model id: 289
model2 id: -1
Flags: 8040
=====================================================================
Weapon name: Minigun
Fire type: INSTANT_HIT
Range: 75.0
Firing Rate: 1
Reload: 350
Amount of Ammunition: 500
Damage: 140
Speed: -1.0
Radius: -1.0
Life span: -1.0
Spread: -1.0
Fire offset vector: 1.28, 0.00, 0.50
animation to play: flame
animation loop start: 11
animation loop end: 12
point in animation where weapon is fired: 11
animation2 loop start: 11
animation2 loop end: 12
point in animation2 where weapon is fired: 11
point in anim where we can breakout of anim/attack and run away: 35
model id: 290
model2 id: 294
Flags: 200
=====================================================================
Weapon name: Detonator
Fire type: PROJECTILE
Range: 25.0
Firing Rate: 100
Reload: 1
Amount of Ammunition: 1
Damage: 0
Speed: 2.0
Radius: -1.0
Life span: 2000.0
Spread: 5.0
Fire offset vector: 0.0, 0.0, 0.13
animation to play: man
animation loop start: 0
animation loop end: 10
point in animation where weapon is fired: 3
animation2 loop start: 0
animation2 loop end: 10
point in animation2 where weapon is fired: 3
point in anim where we can breakout of anim/attack and run away: 99
model id: 291
model2 id: -1
Flags: 200024
=====================================================================
Weapon name: HeliCannon
Fire type: INSTANT_HIT
Range: 100.0
Firing Rate: 1
Reload: 100
Amount of Ammunition: 150
Damage: 100
Speed: -1.0
Radius: -1.0
Life span: -1.0
Spread: -1.0
Fire offset vector: 1.00, 0.00, 0.23
animation to play: m60
animation loop start: 12
animation loop end: 16
point in animation where weapon is fired: 13
animation2 loop start: 10
animation2 loop end: 14
point in animation2 where weapon is fired: 12
point in anim where we can breakout of anim/attack and run away: 30
model id: 289
model2 id: -1
Flags: 8040
=====================================================================
Weapon name: Camera
Fire type: CAMERA
Range: 100.0
Firing Rate: 500
Reload: 1401
Amount of Ammunition: 36
Damage: 0
Speed: -1.0
Radius: -1.0
Life span: -1.0
Spread: -1.0
Fire offset vector: 0.0, 0.66, 0.05
animation to play: unarmed
animation loop start: 0
animation loop end: 10
point in animation where weapon is fired: 3
animation2 loop start: 0
animation2 loop end: 10
point in animation2 where weapon is fired: 3
point in anim where we can breakout of anim/attack and run away: 25
model id: 292
model2 id: -1
Flags: 100
===================
11. Hidden Packages
===================
(Thanks to the Brady Games strategy guide for this information)
There are 100 hidden packages in Vice City. I will divide them up by regions in
Vice City. First I will give you the rewards, later I will have locations for you.
(L.S. stands for Laser Scope) I am also expecting a guide from someone that will
add on to what I say. In the first round through I will give the location of it,
and later I will put in how to get to each of them. Also, the numbers go according
to the ones in the Brady Games Strategy Guide. These are mostly just locations,
except for minesweepers information at the end, so if you are confused about it,
you can check Bradsnet's guide for Hidden
Packages at GameFAQs.com and the numbers will match up.
10 - Body Armor - Ocean View Hotel & Starfish Island Mansion
20 - Chainsaw - Ocean View Hotel & Starfish Island Mansion
30 - Python - Ocean View Hotel & Starfish Island Mansion
40 - Flamethrower - Ocean View Hotel & Starfish Island Mansion
50 - L.S. Sniper Rifle - Ocean View Hotel & Starfish Island Mansion
60 - Minigun - Ocean View Hotel & Starfish Island Mansion
70 - Rocket Launcher - Ocean View Hotel & Starfish Island Mansion
80 - Sea Sparrow - Starfish Island Mansion's Helipad
90 - Rhino - Fort Baxter's Air Base
100 - Hunter - Fort Baxter's Air Base
Also, around the numbers will be either in a box or a triangle.
--
| | This means it is on the ground level.
--
/\
/__\ This means it is on a higher level.
-------------
a. Locations
-------------
This is the location of each Hidden Package, not how to get to them. See the next
section for that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ocean Beach
~~~~~~~~~~~~
/\
/#1\
/____\
Further northeast from the last package is some rocks in the water. It is lying
around in there.
--
|#2|
--
On a wooden hut in the water, looks like it is decaying.
--
|#3|
--
Next to the steps in the southernmost house
/\
/#4\
/____\
On the steps to the lighthouse
--
|#5|
--
In the underground car park by the marina where you did missions for Cortez. It is
in a corner on the floor of the car park.
--
|#6|
--
On a ledge near the water, behind the west Ocean View Medical Foundation and
Development building.
--
|#7|
--
On a narrow walkway from under the bridge from Little Havana to Ocean
Beach.
/\
/#8\
/____\
On top of a one-story building across from the Washington, open air,
Mall.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Washington Beach
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
--
|#9|
--
Near the fenced-in pool in the pink apartments, by the body armor.
/ \
/#10\
/_____\
On top of a two-story building that connects to the DBP security building.
--
|#11 |
--
Across from Rosenberg's office, on back porch overlooking water of save house.
--
|#12 |
--
On the water's edge, up against a road bridge.
/ \
/#13\
/_____\
On a very tall white and blue striped building (very ugly). Use a helicopter to get
to the package.
--
|#14 |
--
On a lifeguard's hut on the beach.
/ \
/#15\
/_____\
In an upstairs office of the police station.
--
|#16 |
--
Facing a moat, in a corner of a multi-colored building of purple, white and orange.
--
|#17 |
--
In the open showers, multi-colored, by the Starfish Island Bridge.
--
|#18 |
--
Underneath the Starfish Island bridge, on the beach side.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Vice Point
~~~~~~~~~~~
--
|#19 |
--
In an alley behind SpandEX delivery firm. The same place where you did the
mission "Riot"
/ \
/#20\
/_____\
At the end of a beam that juts out on the third floor of the construction site.
--
|#21 |
--
On a dock facing Leaf Links island.
/ \
/#22\
/_____\
On a building across from the Malibu near the pool at the top of the building.
--
|#23 |
--
In a corner behind the gates of the Malibu.
/ \
/#24\
/_____\
In the pool area of where Candy and the Congressman were during "Martha's Mugshot"
mission.
--
|#25 |
--
Behind the WK Chariot hotel.
--
|#26 |
--
In the pizza joint.
--
|#27 |
--
Behind the stairs of apartment buildings next to the pizza place.
--
|#28 |
--
In the jewelry shop behind the counter
/ \
/#29\
/_____\
Near the back door exit of Mercedes' house
/ \
/#30\
/_____\
The second rooftop that you go on when you chase the guy in the mission "The Chase"
--
|#31 |
--
East of the Pay N' Spray to the north, in a backyard.
--
|#32 |
--
By the inside part of the horseshoe looking structure.
/ \
/#33\
/_____\
On the highest diving board at the WK Chariot hotel.
--
|#34 |
--
On the sidewalk right by the water, against the south side of a bridge leading to
Prawn Island.
--
|#35 |
--
Behind the sign that says Jocksport, by the RC Bandit track.
--
|#36 |
--
Behind apartments east of North Point Mall.
--
|#37 |
--
In a little dead end alley between the two northern most entrances of North Point
Mall
/ \
/#38\
/_____\
Upstairs in the mall, east where there is a sign that has sales.
/ \
/#39\
/_____\
Upstairs in the mall in a store called "Gash."
--
|#40 |
--
On the ground level of a carpark right by the North Point Mall.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Prawn Island
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
--
|#41 |
--
In a dead-end alley on the east side of the island.
/ \
/#42\
/_____\
In the film studio compound, on top of the blue building.
--
|#43 |
--
In the film studio, upstairs in the bathroom
--
|#44 |
--
On the western most porch of the green deserted house.
--
|#45 |
--
Inside the deserted house, on the first floor in the room with a broken wall, drop
in from the balcony.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Leaf Links
~~~~~~~~~~~
--
|#46 |
--
Under the bridge going to Vice Point
--
|#47 |
--
The furthest tee from the entrance of the driving range.
--
|#48 |
--
In a bunker on the west coast.
--
|#49 |
--
A very small island in the middle of a pond.
--
|#50 |
--
On the narrow bridge connecting the SOUTHERN islands, not the north ones.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Starfish Island
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
--
|#51 |
--
In the mansion, by the pools, against the low wall with the stairs facing the
water. By water, I don't mean the pools.
--
|#52 |
--
In an alley between your mansion and the neighbors' mansion.
/ \
/#53\
/_____\
On the poolside balcony of a house with a pool of Rockstar.
--
|#54 |
--
The mansion across the street from your mansion, in the poolside Jacuzzi.
--
|#55 |
--
At the front door of the northeasternmost house.
~~~~~~~~~
Downtown
~~~~~~~~~
--
|#56 |
--
Do the G-Spotlight mission, and it is by the last building you go on. It is in a
nook facing the water.
--
|#57 |
--
Right in front of a weird sculpture by the V.A.J. finance building.
--
|#58 |
--
Behind the Mars Cafe, use the alley of the save house to get there.
--
|#59 |
--
In the parking lot of the stadium, on the west side.
--
|#60 |
--
In the parking garage of the Hospital, in the lower one.
/ \
/#61\
/_____\
Right by the helipad on the roof of the V.A.J. finance building.
/ \
/#62\
/_____\
Behind a desk in the building where you first start the mission G-Spotlight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Haiti
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
--
|#63 |
--
Behind the Moist Palms Hotel, by a gas steam thing.
--
|#64 |
--
Behind Phil's Place close to the water, on the edge of downtown.
--
|#65 |
--
Inside the shed at Phil's Place asset.
--
|#66 |
--
Behind the building north of Kaufman Cabs, down the small set of stairs.
/ \
/#67\
/_____\
From the highway coming from downtown, turn on the first right and go until you get
to a corner. That corner building has it on the roof.
/ \
/#68\
/_____\
The closest house to Kaufman Cabs to the east, on the steps.
--
|#69 |
--
Behind Funeraria Romero by the skeleton grave
/ \
/#70\
/_____\
Between the generators on the rooftop connecting the north side of Print Works to
another building north of it. Use the northern stairs in Print Works to get there.
--
|#71 |
--
Below the billboard saying "Life's a Bitch," in a corner behind a wooden fence, east
of Print Works.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Havana
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
--
|#72 |
--
In the Laundromat.
/ \
/#73\
/_____\
On porch of a house that's for sale, a daiquiri house, in the northern part of the
city
--
|#74 |
--
Across from Robina's Cafe behind a wall
/ \
/#75\
/_____\
Right next to the Kaufman Cabs billboard, use the roof by it to get there.
--
|#76 |
--
In the doughnut shop
/ \
/#77\
/_____\
On top of a big 4-story building with a red awning, use the sitars in the back to
get there.
/ \
/#78\
/_____\
Upstairs in the Car Showroom
~~~~~~~~~
Viceport
~~~~~~~~~
--
|#79 |
--
In between 4 large fuel tanks in the airport parking lot.
--
|#80 |
--
Between two trailers in the airport parking lot.
--
|#81 |
--
In a parking lot between the green and white apartments, two-stories, and by the
shipyards.
/ \
/#82\
/_____\
On the northeastern most cargo ship, again use a helicopter to get there safely.
--
|#83 |
--
Under a sign that says Vice City Port Authority Main Building, a right angle sign.
/ \
/#84\
/_____\
On a cargo ship to the west of the southwesternmost island. Use a
helicopter to get there.
--
|#85 |
--
Inside the Seaplanes Tours hangar, in an office.
--
|#86 |
--
In a corner of a fence and building, north of 8-Ball's shop
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Escobar International Airport
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
/ \
/#87\
/_____\
On top of the Vice City Freight and Cargo terminal.
/ \
/#88\
/_____\
On the southernmost helipad
/ \
/#89\
/_____\
On top of the hangar that is McAdam Airways.
/ \
/#90\
/_____\
On top of the eastern end of the loading bridge
/ \
/#91\
/_____\
On top of the same plane that had package 92
--
|#92 |
--
Under the southwestern-most airplane
--
|#93 |
--
Under the wing of a large Rockstar plane that is coming out of the hangar.
--
|#94 |
--
Behind the local fire station, it has a tower on it.
--
|#95 |
--
Inside the airport, behind a wall that has a pay phone on it.
--
|#98 |
--
Behind the billboards that lead to the airport.
--
|#99 |
--
In the northwest part, under an airplane.
--
|#100 |
--
Behind the sign that says Fort Baxter on it, it is by the entrance to Fort Baxter.
-----------
Directions
-----------
(Thanks to Minesweeper for the whole thing and THAguyINgta3 where noted by a *)
***********************************************************************
EASTERN VICE CITY PACKAGES
***********************************************************************
OCEAN BEACH
==================================
PACKAGE 1: IN THE MARINA'S PARKING GARAGE
Come into Ocean Beach via the bridge from Viceport. Turn right at the first
intersection you come to. Turn right again at the next intersection. Follow this
road past a long white building on the right side of the road. Turn onto the
driveway just past this building. This is the place where Cortez gives out his
missions. Turn into the parking garage on the right near where you enter Cortez's
meeting place. The package is hidden in the left corner of this garage. Look for
green lights to indicate where the package is.
PACKAGE 2: AT THE LIGHTHOUSE'S FRONT DOOR
Start at the Ocean View Hotel. Look to the right across the beach from the hotel's
front door. You should see the lightouse in the distance. Go over to it. The
package is at the entrance door on the bottom the lighthouse.
PACKAGE 3: BEHIND THE MANSION WITH THE HELIPAD
Start at the Ocean View Hotel. Turn right and follow the road south. Look for a
mansion on the left side of the road with a helipad. It should be the only building
you see on that side of the road before you get to the marina. The package is to
the right of the back door of this mansion.
PACKAGE 4: BEHIND THE WESTERN OCEAN VIEW MEDICAL FOUNDATION BUILDING
Come into Ocean Beach via the bridge from Viceport. Make a right turn, and make
another right turn into the hospital's grounds. Drive around behind the hospital by
going around the building's right side. After you've turned left into the area
behind the hospital, you should see a tall white building next to the edge of the
island. Look behind this building for the package.
PACKAGE 5: UNDER THE BRIDGE LEADING TO VICEPORT
Come into Ocean Beach via the bridge from Viceport. Turn left after getting off the
bridge and get on the grass. Look at the support column next to the bridge, and
you'll see a small walkway. Follow this walkway under the bridge and you'll find
the package.
PACKAGE 6: ON ROOF OF BUILDING TO THE EAST OF WASHINGTON MALL*
Come into Ocean Beach via the bridge from Viceport. Make a right turn at the first
intersection. Take a left turn when you get to the next intersection. At the next
intersection, turn left again. Do you see the two-story buildings on your right?
The package is on the roofs of those buildings. Use a helicopter to get up there.
PACKAGE 7: ON ROCKS NEAR HOUSE PLATFORMS IN THE WATER*
Get a boat, and head to the south end of the central water channel. You should see
several houses over the water when you're about to hit open sea. One of these house
platforms has been destroyed. The package is on the pile of rocks in the water to
the east of these houses.
VICE POINT
==================================
PACKAGE 8: ON A BOAT DOCK BEHIND APARTMENTS NORTH OF CONSTRUCTION SITES
Come into Washington Beach via the bridge from Starfish Island. Make a left turn at
the first intersection you come to. After you pass the construction site on the
left, drive behind the white and gree apartment buildings just past it. The package
is on a boat dock behind these buildings.
PACKAGE 9: INSIDE THE WELL-STACKED PIZZA RESTAURANT
Come into Vice Point via the bridge from Leaf Links. Make a right turn at the first
intersection and follow the road until you come to where it comes to a T-junction.
The Well-stacked Pizza restaurant should be on your left. Walk inside to get the
package on the right side of the counter.
PACKAGE 10: BEHIND THE MALIBU CLUB
Come into Vice Point via the bridge from Leaf Links. Drive straight down this road
until you come to a T-junction. Turn right here. Follow the road north. Drive
down the road until you see the Malibu Club on the left. It's the building at the
place where the road makes an S-curve. The package is hidden in the parking lot
behind the club.
PACKAGE 11: INSIDE THE JEWELRY STORE
Come into Vice Point via the bridge from Leaf Links. Turn right onto the second
street that allows you a right turn. The jewelry store should be on your right
after you make the turn. Get the package from behind the counter in here.
PACKAGE 12: BEHIND MERCEDES'S APARTMENT BUILDING, NEAR THE LEAF LINKS BRIDGE
Come into Vice Point via the bridge from Leaf Links. Turn left into the driveway of
the building on the left. Jump down to the lowest level of this building's
platforms. Follow the walkway to the hidden package in front of this building's
service door. It's on the north side of the building.
PACKAGE 13: ON ROOFTOPS NEAR LEAF LINKS BRIDGE
Come into Vice Point via the bridge from Leaf Links. Drive past the first two
intersections, and look for stairs on an apartment building on the left. Go all the
way up these stairs and walk through the door at the top. Turn left after going
through the door, then turn right on the rooftop. Jump down to the next roof, and
then turn around. You'll see the package near a ramp here.
PACKAGE 14: IN FENCE CORNER OF GRASSY LOTS TO EAST OF PAY 'N' SPRAY*
Come into Vice Point via the bridge from Leaf Links. Make a left turn at the second
intersection. Turn into the second alley you see on the right. Turn into the third
gap of the fence on the left. The package is in the northwestern corner of this
lot, behind a palm tree.
PACKAGE 15: ON TOP OF GONZALES' APARTMENT BUILDING
It's helpful to get this package during the mission TREACHEROUS SWINE. Come into
Vice Point via the bridge from Leaf Links. Drive straight down this road until you
come to a T-junction. Turn right here. Follow the road north. Go to the first
building on the left side of the road after you pass the Malibu Club. If you've
already beaten the mission TREACHEROUS SWINE, you'll have to get up to the roof in a
helicopter. The package is in a corner of the roof opposite the roof entrance doors.
PACKAGE 16: BEHIND THE SPAND EXPRESS BUILDING
It's helpful to have beaten the mission RIOT before you go after this package. Come
into Vice Point via the bridge from Leaf Links. Turn right at the first
intersection. Drive down the road until it T's, then turn right and drive over a
bridge. Turn left at the next intersection. Make another left turn at the next
intersection. Look on the right side of the road for an opening for a car to go
through. There should be a SPAND EXPRESS sign next to the opening. Drive through
the gate in this lot in front of a warehouse. Look behind the warehouse for the
package. It's also possible to get into the Spand Express lot before it opens by
jumping with a bike from the third floor of the construction building behind the
warehouse.
PACKAGE 17: IN SOUTHWESTERN CORNER OF HOTEL'S COURTYARD*
Come into Vice Point via the bridge from Prawn Island. Turn right onto the first
street that goes right. When the road you're on comes to a
T-junction, turn left. Drive up the stairs in front of the large hotel you're in
front of and head to the right. The package is in the corner of the fence in front
of you. It's colored similar to the plants it's in front of, so you might not see
it until it glows.
PACKAGE 18: ON TOP OF THE DIVING BOARDS AT A HOTEL'S SWIMMING POOL
Come into Vice Point via the bridge from Prawn Island. Turn right onto the first
street that goes right. When the road you're on comes to a
T-junction, turn left. Drive up the stairs in front of the large hotel you're in
front of. Go to the pool in the back of the hotel. The package is on the highest
diving board above the pool.
PACKAGE 19: UNDERNEATH THE BRIDGE TO PRAWN ISLAND
Come into Vice Point via the bridge from Prawn Island. Turn right onto the first
street that goes right. When the road you're on comes to a
T-junction, turn right. Look to the left side of the road when you're about to go
under the bridge to Prawn Island. The package is next to the bridge's large support
column here. It's behind some large bushes, so you'll need to be close to see it.
PACKAGE 20: ON THE BOTTOM FLOOR OF NORTH POINT MALL'S PARKING GARAGE
Come into Vice Point via the bridge from Prawn Island. Turn right onto the first
street that goes right. Turn right again when you get to where the road ends at a T-
junction. Drive down this road until you see North Point Mall's parking garage on
the right. Take the right door into the garage. The package is around the corner
to the right of this entrance.
PACKAGE 21: ON TOP OF GREEN APARTMENT BUILDING NEAR MALIBU CLUB
Start at your Ocean View hotel, and drive north down the beachfront street. Go
around the corner you come to, and turn right at the intersection. When you get to
the Malibu Club, the package will be on top of the green, blue and white building
across the street. You'll need a helicopter to get up there so you can get the
package.
PACKAGE 22: BEHIND AN APARTMENT'S STAIRS NEAR WELL-STACKED PIZZA
Come into Vice Point via the bridge from Leaf Links. Make a right turn at the first
intersection and follow the road until you come to where it comes to a T-junction.
Take a left turn. After you pass through the next intersection, look behind the
stairs on the apartment building to your left. The package should be back there.
PACKAGE 23: BEHIND YELLOW BUILDING ACROSS STREET FROM NORTH POINT MALL
Enter Vice Point via the bridge from Prawn Island. Turn left onto the first street
that you can turn left on. Turn left again. The eastern entrance to North Point
Mall will be on your left. On the right is the building you want to look behind.
The package is on the small porch behind the building.
PACKAGE 24: BEHIND "JOCKSPORT" BILLBOARD AT DIRTBIKE TRACK
Enter Vice Point via the bridge from Prawn Island. Turn left onto the first street
that you can turn left on. Drive straight ahead through the bushes at the T-
junction you come to. You'll get on the beach here. The dirtbike track will be on
the right. Look behind the "Jocksport" sign on the east side of the track for the
package.
PACKAGE 25: IN POOL AREA BEHIND "VICE POINT LANGER" HOTEL
Drive into Vice Point via the bridge from Leaf Links. Drive straight on the road
until it comes to a T-junction. Make a right turn here. Look on the left side of
the road for a building that has a "VICE POINT LANGER" sign over its front doors.
The package is at the pool area behind this building.
PACKAGE 26: NORTHERN SIDE OF NORTH POINT MALL
Enter Vice Point via the bridge from Prawn Island. Turn left onto the first street
that you can turn left on. Turn left again. The eastern entrance to North Point
Mall will be on your left. Drive into the grassy area to the right of the
entrance. Drive around to the northern side of the building. The package is in the
alley between the two western entrances.
NOTE:
The rest of the packages in Vice Point are all in North Point Mall. I'll give
directions to the mall here so I won't have to repeat myself a few times. Enter
Vice Point via the bridge from Prawn Island. Turn left onto the first street that
you can turn left on. Turn left again. The eastern entrance to North Point Mall
will be on your left. Use the icons representing "Ammu-Nation" and "Bunch of Tools"
inside the mall to find where the mall is if you're having trouble.
PACKAGE 27: ABOVE THE ESCELATORS ON THE SECOND FLOOR OF THE GASH STORE
Walk straight ahead through the food court in North Point Mall, and turn left at the
escelator. Go inside the Gash store straight ahead. It's behind the two banks of
escelators you can see on the far wall. Go inside the store and take the escelator
in here to the upper floor. The hidden package is behind you, on a ledge above the
escelators.
PACKAGE 28: IN FRONT OF A STORE WITH BIG "SALE" SIGNS
The package should be directly above you if you came in via the eastern entrance.
Take an escalator up to the bridge in the middle of the mall, and walk east towards
the "SALE" store where the package is.
WASHINGTON BEACH
==================================
PACKAGE 29: IN POOL AREA OF PINK SKYSCRAPER
Start at the Ocean View Hotel. Turn left from the entrance and head north. At the
second intersection you come to, make a left turn. After you cross through another
intersection, look on the left side of the road for a broad set of stairs. A pink
skyscraper should be past these stairs. The package is in the pool area behind this
building.
PACKAGE 30: ON ROOF OF DBP SECURITY*
Start at the Ocean Beach Hotel. Turn left from the entrance and head north down
this street. At the third intersection you come to on this road, make a left turn.
The building on your left with the fenced lot before the T-junction is the DBP
Security building. The package is on the roof of this building. You can either
jump up there with a motorcycle by using the nearby stairs as a ramp, or you can use
a helicopter.
PACKAGE 31: NEXT TO BRIDGE THAT'S NORTH OF KEN ROSENBURG'S OFFICE*
Come into Ocean Beach via the bridge from Viceport. After you pass two
intersections on this road, you should come to a bridge. The package is
behind the right side of the bridge before you cross it.
PACKAGE 32: ON TOP OF TALL WHITE AND BLUE BUILDING SOUTH OF POLICE STATION
Come into Washington Beach via the bridge from Starfish Island. Go straight on the
road you're on and you'll cross over a bridge. Turn right when the road T's after
you cross the bridge. Make a left turn at the next intersection. The package is on
the roof of the tall building on your right. You'll need a helicopter to get up
there.
PACKAGE 33: IN AN APARTMENT COMPLEX'S SHOWER STALLS
Come into Washington Beach via the bridge from Starfish Island. You should see a
set of stairs to the right just after getting off the bridge. Go up these stairs
into an apartment complex. On your right you should see a multicolored structure.
The package is hidden in the peach-colored section of the building. It's the
section of the building nearest the stairs.
PACKAGE 34: NEXT TO A PINK BUILDING AT AN APARTMENT COMPLEX
Come into Washington Beach via the bridge from Starfish Island. You should see a
set of stairs to the right just after getting off the bridge. Go up these stairs
into an apartment complex. In the middle of this area, there should be a pink
building. The package is on the south side of this building.
PACKAGE 35: IN THE UPSTAIRS OFFICE OF THE POLICE STATION
It's helpful to unlock the cop uniform before going for this package. Come into
Washington Beach via the brdige from Starfish Island. Go straight down this road
and head over the bridge. Make a left turn when the road T's, and then turn right
into the courtyard in front of the police station. Head inside the police station.
If you've unlocked the cop uniform, go into the locker room to the left and put on
the cop clothes so the police won't attack you. Go into the corridor from the
central lobby, and walk down the hall. Take the stairs up into the upstairs
office. The package is hidden in the glass-windowed office across the room from the
stairs entrance.
PACKAGE 36: BEHIND THE 1102 WASHINGTON STREET BUILDING
Come into Washington Beach via the bridge from Starfish Island. Turn right and
follow the road over a bridge. Turn right into the lot of the first building you
see on the right side of the road. It's the 1102 Washington Street building that's
across the street from Ken's office for reference. The package is on the porch on
the back side of the 1102 Washington Street building.
PACKAGE 37: UNDERNEATH THE BRIDGE TO STARFISH ISLAND
Come into Washington Beach via the bridge from Starfish Island. Immediately after
getting off the bridge, jump over the low wall on the left side of the road to get
into the construction site. Walk to the western side of the construction site so
you're facing Starfish Island. Turn to the left and walk under the bridge to that
island. The package is underneath the bridge.
PACKAGE 38: ON THE END OF A LONG RED BEAM AT THE EASTERN CONSTRUCTION SITE
Come into Washington Beach via the bridge from Starfish Island. Make a left turn at
the first intersection. Turn right into the eastern construction site. It's the
one where Avery gives out his missions. Use the ramps on the building under
construction to climb up to the second highest floor. It's the one with a yellow-
orange floor sitting on red construction beams. On the westernmost part of this
floor, you'll notice a red construction beam jutting out away fromthe building,
towards the other construction site. Carefully walk down the red beam to get the
package.
PACKAGE 39: AT THE NORTHERNMOST LIFEGUARD HUT BEFORE THE BEACHFRONT HOTELS
Start at Ocean View Hotel. Go into the park across the street, and head for the
northern part of the park. Walk through the northernmost gap in the fence and onto
the beach. The package is at the lifeguard station to the southeast of your
position here.
***********************************************************************
CENTRAL ISLANDS PACKAGES
***********************************************************************
LEAF LINKS
==================================
PACKAGE 40: ON THE BRIDGE LEADING TO LEAF LINKS' SOUTHERN ISLAND
Come into Leaf Links via the bridge from Vice Point. Go inside the golf club
through the main entrance. Use your map to get to the southern-most part of the
golf course. The package is on the bridge leading to the southern island of Leaf
Links.
PACKAGE 41: UNDERNEATH THE BRIDGE TO VICE POINT
Come into Leaf Links via the bridge from Vice Point. Go inside the golf club
through the main entrance. Turn right from the entrance. Follow the wall of the
building and then the hedge to an area underneath the bridge to Vice Point. The
package is here.
PACKAGE 42: AT THE GOLF RANGE
Come into Leaf Links via the bridge from Vice Point. Go inside the golf club
through the main entrance. Follow the path that leads north across a bridge. Walk
north across the grass to the golf range. The package is on the lower level of the
golf range building.
PACKAGE 43: IN A SAND TRAP TO THE NORTHWEST OF THE MAIN ENTRANCE
Come into Leaf Links via the bridge from Vice Point. Go inside the golf club
through the main entrance. Turn left from the main entrance and follow the road up
some S-curves. When you get to the end of the road, the package will be in one of
the sandtraps to your left.
PACKAGE 44: ON AN ISLAND IN THE PONDS
Come into Leaf Links via the bridge from Vice Point. Go inside the golf club
through the main entrance. Head for the southern half of the island and use your
radar to find the ponds on this part of the golf course. An island in one of the
ponds has the package on it.
PRAWN ISLAND
==================================
PACKAGE 45: IN ALLEY OFF OF SOUTHERNMOST STREET
Come into Prawn Island via the bridge from Vice Point. Turn left at the first
intersection. You should be on the southernmost road on the island. Look for an
alley on the right. The package is at the end of this alley.
PACKAGE 46: BACK PORCH OF GREEN MANSION
Come into Prawn Island via the bridge from Vice Point. Turn into the drive on the
right that passes in front of the mansions. Go to the green mansion to the
northwest. The hidden package is on the back porch of this mansion.
PACKAGE 47: INSIDE ROOM WITH BROKEN CEILING IN YELLOW MANSION
Come into Prawn Island via the bridge from Vice Point. Turn into the drive on the
right that passes in front of the mansions. Go to the yellow mansion to the
northeast. Walk inside through the front door. Go up the stairs onto the balcony,
and stand near where the balcony floor has collapsed. Do you see the room with the
hole in the ceiling beneath you here? The package is in that room. The easiest way
to get in there is to jump from the southern side of the gap in the balcony into the
room. Get the package in here, and use the pallets stacked in here to get out again.
PACKAGE 48: INSIDE STUDIO C IN INTERGLOBAL FILMS
Come into Prawn Island via the bridge from Vice Point. Make a left turn at the
second intersection. Walk into the InterGlobal Films studio lot through the front
gate on your right. Go into the first studio building on the right. This is Studio
C. The package is to the left of the entrance.
PACKAGE 49: ON TOP OF BLUE BUILDING NEAR STAGE B IN INTERGLOBAL FILMS
Come into Prawn Island via the bridge from Vice Point. Make a left turn at the
second intersection. Walk into the InterGlobal Films studio lot through the front
gate on your right. Go to the blue building you see to the left near Stage B. The
hidden package is on top of the building. Use a helicopter to get up to the package.
ALTERNATE WALKTHROUGH:
There's a set of stairs between two buildings to the east of the blue building the
package is on. Back a tall vehicle like a Gang Burrito to the top of the stiars,
and jump on top of it. Use the vehicle to jump on the studio's outer wall. Turn to
the left, and you should see a hump in the wall that's slightly higher than the rest
of the wall. Stand on top of this hump to jump on top of a building to the right of
the wall. The building you need to jump to is to the west. Make a running leap,
and you might be able to get over there.
STARFISH ISLAND
==================================
PACKAGE 50: IN FRONT DOOR OF WHITE MANSION ON NORTHERN STREET
Come into Starfish Island via the bridge from Washington Beach. Turn right at the
first intersection. The second mansion on the right is the one that has the package
at its front door.
PACKAGE 51: IN HOT TUB OF CENTRAL EASTERN MANSION
Come into Starfish Island via the bridge from Washington Beach. Go straight at the
first intersection. The first mansion on the right is the one that you want to go
to. Jump over the low fence, and go to the hot tub by the pool to get the package.
PACKAGE 52: BACK PORCH OF CENTRAL WESTERN MANSION
Come into Starfish Island via the bridge from Viceport. Go straight at the first
intersection. The first mansion on the left is the one you want to go to. Walk
around the back of the mansion. Take the stairs back here up to the back porch of
the mansion. The package is on this balcony near the picnic tables.
PACKAGE 53: EASTERN DOCK AT DIAZ'S ESTATE
Come into Starfish Island via the bridge from Washington Beach. Go straight at the
first intersection. Turn left into the front drive of Diaz's mansion. Walk into
the courtyard where a pool of water is. Turn left here and walk between some hedges
and past two more pools to the eastern dock. The package is hidden on the right
side of the stairs coming down to the dock.
PACKAGE 54: SOUTHWESTERN CORNER OF DIAZ'S ESTATE
Come into Starfish Island via the bridge from Washington Beach. Go straight at the
first intersection. Turn left into the front drive of Diaz's mansion. Follow the
fence behind the trees on the right. You'll eventually come to the back corner that
the package is hidden in.
***********************************************************************
WESTERN VICE CITY PACKAGES
***********************************************************************
DOWNTOWN
==================================
PACKAGE 55: IN ALLEY BRANCHING FROM HYMAN CONDO ALLEY
Come into Downtown via the bridge from Vice Point. Drive down this road until it
ends at the VRock building. Turn to the right here. Look on the right side of the
road for an alley. It shouldn't be very far from where you turned. In the Hyman
Condo alley, look for a passageway on the right side of the alley to walk into. The
package is at the end of this alley.
PACKAGE 56: NEXT TO THE STRANGE STATUE AT V.A.J. FINANCE
Come into Downtown via the bridge from Vice Point. Drive down this road until it
ends at the VRock building. Turn to the right here. Look on the right side of the
road for the Hyman Condo alley. It shouldn't be very far from where you turned. Go
through the alley and head straight when you get onto the road again. Follow this
road a little while, and you should see a sign on the right side of the road that
says "V.A.J. FINANCE." Look for a strange statue in the middle of the building
courtyard behind the sign. The package is next to this statue.
PACKAGE 57: IN AN UPSTAIRS OFFICE OF AN OFFICE BUILDING
If you've played G-SPOTLIGHT before, the package is in the office that has the
elevator you use to get to upper floors. For those who don't know where that is,
drive into Little Haiti via the bridge from Leaf Links. Jump off the bridge onto
the highway below. Follow the highway north into Downtown. Stay on the right side
of the road.
When you see the Greasy Chopper on the right, look on the left side of the road for
a set of concrete stairs leading onto a balcony of a skyscraper. They are past the
set of wooden stairs on the left that you'll see going up to Skumole Shack. Once
you find the concrete stairs, use them to get onto an upstairs balcony. Follow this
balcony ledge, and eventually you'll see an office on your left through a glass
window. Go inside this office. The package is behind an office desk in here.
PACKAGE 58: UNDERNEATH THE VCN BUILDING'S HELIPAD
Come into Downtown via the bridge from Prawn Island. The first building on the
right after you get off the bridge is the VCN building. There should be a door down
here that will take you straight to the rooftop. Head up the ramp to the helipad.
The package is on your left just before you get onto the helipad from the ramp.
PACKAGE 59: ON THE LOWER LEVEL OF THE AMBULANCE PARKING LOT AT THE HOSPITAL
Come into Downtown via the bridge from Prawn Island. Follow this road until it
comes to a T-junction. The last building on the left before the intersection is the
hospital. Look at the lower level of the parking lot near the ambulance for the
package.
PACKAGE 60: BEHIND BUILDING NORTH OF BRIDGE TO PRAWN ISLAND
Come into Downtown via the bridge from Prawn Island. Get on the street beneath the
bridge. If you're facing Prawn Island from under the bridge, the package is behind
the building to the left of the bridge.
PACKAGE 61: ON THE SOUTHWESTERN SIDE OF THE STADIUM
Come into Downtown via the bridge from Prawn Island. Follow this road until it
comes to a T-junction. Make a right turn here, then make a left turn at the next
intersection. Drive along the southern side of the stadium. You should see the
package next to the wall of the stadium in a corner somewhere if you keep your eyes
peeled for it.
PACKAGE 62: IN SOUTHWESTERN CORNER OF MOIST PALMS HOTEL LOT, BEHIND RAMP
Come into Little Haiti via the bridge from Leaf Links. Jump off the bridge on the
right side and follow the highway north. Before the highway roads split off into
two different directions, look on the left side of the road for a large building
that has the sign "Moist Palms Hotel" next to it. The hidden package is in the
southwestern corner of the hotel's fenced lot. Look behind the ramp that you find
there.
PACKAGE 63: ON NORTHWEST CORNER OF DOCK BEHIND PHIL'S PLACE*
Come into Little Haiti via the bridge from Leaf Links. Jump off the bridge on the
right side and follow the highway north. Look on the left side of the road for a
building painted green on the bottom. Walk around behind the building via the space
on the north side of it. From here, walk west. You'll walk onto an old cobble-
stoned dock. The package is on the northwest corner of this dock.
ESCOBAR INTERNATIONAL
==================================
PACKAGE 64: ON TOP OF THE PASSENGER TERMINAL'S EASTERN BOARDING RAMP
Start at the bridge in Viceport that comes from Ocean Beach. Turn left onto the
highway, and turn right at the intersection. Follow this road into Escobar
International. Keep driving down the road and you should see the passenger terminal
on the left. Turn onto the airfield through the gate on the left that's just before
the terminal. Go to the eastern boarding ramp next to the terminal. The package is
at the end of this ramp. Use a helicopter or the nearby Packer to get up there.
PACKAGE 65: UNDERNEATH THE SOUTHWESTERN PLANE AT THE WESTERN BOARDING RAMP*
Start at the bridge in Viceport that comes from Ocean Beach. Turn left onto the
highway, and turn right at the intersection. Follow this road into Escobar
International. Keep driving down the road and you should see the passenger terminal
on the left. Turn onto the airfield through the gate on the left that's just before
the terminal. Go to the western boarding ramp next to the terminal. The package is
underneath the southwestern jet.
PACKAGE 66: ABOVE THE SOUTHWESTERN PLANE AT THE WESTERN BOARDING RAMP*
Start at the bridge in Viceport that comes from Ocean Beach. Turn left onto the
highway, and turn right at the intersection. Follow this road into Escobar
International. Keep driving down the road and you should see the passenger terminal
on the left. Turn onto the airfield through the gate on the left that's just before
the terminal. Go to the western boarding ramp next to the terminal. The package is
above the southwestern jet. Use a helicopter to get up there, or use the nearby
Packer.
PACKAGE 67: ON PASSENGER TERMINAL'S ROOF*
Start at the bridge in Viceport that comes from Ocean Beach. Turn left onto the
highway, and turn right at the intersection. Follow this road into Escobar
International. Keep driving down the road and you should see the passenger terminal
on the left. Notice how the roof of the building has three "waves." The package is
between the central and western wave. You can either get up there using the nearby
Vice Surf sign as a ramp, or you can use a helicopter.
PACKAGE 68: BEHIND THE FIRE BUILDING ON THE AIRFIELD
Start at the bridge in Viceport that comes from Ocean Beach. Turn left onto the
highway, and turn right at the intersection. Follow this road into Escobar
International. Keep driving down the road and you should see the passenger terminal
on the left. Turn onto the airfield gate on the left that's just before the
terminal. Follow the terminal's glass wall on the right, and you should see the
tall control tower to the west. Drive over to it. Just to the west of this control
tower, you should see a small building with a little glass observation tower on top
of it. The package is behind this building.
PACKAGE 69: UNDER A JUMBO JET IN A HANGAR ON THE AIRFIELD
Start at the bridge in Viceport that comes from Ocean Beach. Turn left onto the
highway, and turn right at the intersection. Follow this road into Escobar
International. Keep driving down the road and you should see the passenger terminal
on the left. Turn onto the airfield through the gate on the left that's just before
the terminal. Follow the terminals glass wall on the right, and you should see the
tall control tower to the west. Drive over to it. To the southwest of this control
tower, you should see airplane hangars. One of these has a large jumbo jet in it.
The package is underneath that plane.
PACKAGE 70: BEHIND A WALL IN THE PASSENGER TERMINAL
Start at the bridge in Viceport that comes from Ocean Beach. Turn left onto the
highway, and turn right at the intersection. Follow this road into Escobar
International. Keep driving down the road and you should see the passenger terminal
on the left. Walk inside the terminal. Notice the gray walls in front of the large
glass window on the other side of the room. The package is behind the northernmost
wall.
PACKAGE 71: IN GATE 1-8 IN THE PASSENGER TERMINAL
Start at the bridge in Viceport that comes from Ocean Beach. Turn left onto the
highway, and turn right at the intersection. Follow this road into Escobar
International. Keep driving down the road and you should see the passenger terminal
on the left. Walk inside the terminal. Take the escalator to the second floor of
the terminal, and walk inside Gate 1-8 on the south side of the terminal. The
package will be to the right at the end of the passageway.
PACKAGE 72: ON TOP OF BLUE WAREHOUSE IN AIRFIELD, NEAR FREIGHT TERMINAL
Start at the bridge in Viceport that comes from Ocean Beach. Turn left onto the
highway, and turn right at the intersection. Follow this road through the first
intersection, and make a left turn when you come to the fork past the overhead
directions sign. At the end of this road, you should see a gate on your right.
From the gate, you should see a blue warehouse-type building on the right. The
package is on top of this blue building. Use the nearby ramp to get up there.
PACKAGE 73: AT THE HELIPORT IN THE AIRFIELD
Start at the bridge in Viceport that comes from Ocean Beach. Turn left onto the
highway, and turn right at the intersection. Follow this road through the first
intersection, and make a left turn when you come to the fork past the overhead
directions sign. At the end of this road, you should see a gate on your right.
From the gate, drive to the left, past the cargo containers. The heliport should be
in front of you. Go up there and get the package on top of it.
PACKAGE 74: ON TOP OF THE FREIGHT AND CARGO TERMINAL
Start at the bridge in Viceport that comes from Ocean Beach. Turn left onto the
highway, and turn right at the intersection. Follow this road through the first
intersection, and make a left turn when you come to the fork past the overhead
directions sign. At the end of this road, you'll see the cargo terminal. The
package is on the roof of this building. You can either use a helicopter or use the
ramps in the cargo lot to the right to jump up there.
PACKAGE 75: BEHIND A "LIBERTY CITY" BILLBOARD
Come into Little Havana via the bridge to Starfish Island. Turn left onto the
highway. Turn right at the first intersection you come to. Follow this road until
it turns right. Drive into the alley behind the buildings after the right turn.
Back here, you should see a hole in a fence that will let you get behind the
airport's billboards. Follow the line of billboards north. The package is behind
the third last billboard in the line.
PACKAGE 76: UNDERNEATH A JUMBO JET IN THE NORTHERN PART OF THE AIRFIELD
Make a left turn at the next intersection. On your right you should see a gate
leading into a part of the airfield. Turn into there, and follow the airplane
road. The last airplane at the end of the road is where the package is.
PACKAGE 77: BEHIND THE AIR BASE'S SIGN
It would be a good idea to put on a cop uniform before you try to get this package.
Start at the bridge in Viceport that comes from Ocean Beach. Turn left onto the
highway, and turn right at the intersection. Follow this road into Escobar
International. Drive straight on this road and don't turn onto any side roads.
When you get to the grassy area past the chain-link fence street, make a right turn
at the first intersection. Drive down this road. After it curves to the left, make
a right turn. Eventually you should see the air base on the right. Look behind the
sign to the left of the entrance to find the package.
LITTLE HAITI
==================================
PACKAGE 78: IN THE BARN AT PHIL'S PLACE
Come into Little Haiti via the bridge from Leaf Links. Jump off of the bridge to
the right onto the highway. Turn left at the first set of stoplights you come to.
When the road goes left, keep going straight into an alley. This alley leads to
Phil's Place. You can use the icon on your map if you can't find the place.
PACKAGE 79: IN THE ALLEY BEHIND FUNERARIA ROMERO
Come into Little Haiti via the bridge from Leaf Links. Jump off of the bridge to
the right onto the highway. Turn left at the first set of stoplights you come to.
Follow this road until you see Well-stacked Pizza on the left. Funeraria Romero
will be the building just past it. There should be a small alley on the front of
this building. Go down to the end of it, and you'll find the package.
PACKAGE 80: ON TOP OF AN APARTMENT BUILDING TO THE NORTH OF THE PRINT WORKS
Start from the bridge leading to Little Havana from Starfish Island. Turn right and
drive down the highway a little. You should see a building with an "El Banco
Corrupto Grande" sing over the entrance. Turn left onto the street just past the
building. The Print Works is the large yellow warehouse you can see in front of you
now.
Walk to the northwest corner of the Print Works' lot. There will be a
Wooden fence there that you can walk through. Go to the northeastern corner of this
lot. Walk into the alley the passageway there leads you to. Turn right when you
come into this alley, and there will be a set of stairs at the end of it. Go up the
stairs and you'll be on the roof of an apartment building. The package is on this
roof, and it's hidden in the middle of some air conditioning units.
PACKAGE 81: AT THE BASEMENT DOOR OF A BUILDING NEAR PHIL'S PLACE
Come into Little Haiti via the bridge from Leaf Links. Jump off of the bridge to
the right onto the highway. Turn left at the first set of stoplights you come to.
When the road turns to the left, look behind the red and yellow building on the left
side of the road. Run straight down the alley into a lot. There should be a set of
stairs going down to a basement door of a white and purple building here. Get the
package at the basement door.
PACKAGE 82: BENEATH THE "LITTLE HAITI" BILLBOARD
Start from the bridge leading to Little Havana from Starfish Island. Turn right and
drive down the highway a little. You should see a building with an "El Banco
Corrupto Grande" sing over the entrance. Turn left onto the street just past the
building. At the first intersection you come to, you should see the "LITTLE HAITI"
billboard on the right. Look in the bushes beneath the sign for the package.
PACKAGE 83: ON TOP OF ROOFTOP NEAR LITTLE HAITI CHOPPER CHECKPOINT
Drive into Little Haiti via the bridge from Leaf Links. Jump off the bridge onto
the highway below. Turn left at the first intersection you come to. After you pass
the first intersection on this road, there should be some stores on the right with
red white and blue fronts. The package is on top of these stores. Use a helicopter
or the jump behind the stores to get up to there. The package is on the roof of the
store with no billboard.
PACKAGE 84: ON TOP OF STAIRS IN ABANDONDED APARTMENTS NEAR KAUFMAN CABS
Come into Little Haiti via the bridge from Leaf Links. Make a left turn at the
first intersection. Go straight through the first intersection on this street.
When you get to the second intersection, look to the right. You should see an alley
with some tall grass in it. This is the area where the abandoned apartments are.
Most of the buildings in this area have stairs leading to their second floors. The
package is at the top of the stairs of one of the apartments next to the Kaufman Cab
building.
LITTLE HAVANA
==================================
PACKAGE 85: BEHIND A RACK OF CLOTHES IN THE LAUNDROMAT
Come into Little Havana via the bridge to Starfish Island. Across the street, you
should see the West Haven Community Healthcare Center to the right. Take the street
to the right of the hospital. Turn right when the street ends. Turn left with the
road, and keep going straight until the road you're on turns left again. The
Laundromat will be on your right just before the turn. The package is hidden behind
a rack of clothes that's behind the counter.
PACKAGE 86: BEHIND THE COUNTER IN THE DELICATESSEN
Come into Little Havana via the bridge to Starfish Island. Turn left onto the
highway. The Delicatessen will be on the right street corner at the first
intersection you come to. Look behind the counter for the package.
PACKAGE 87: ON THE SECOND FLOOR OF SUNSHINE AUTOS
Start at the bridge in Viceport that leads to Ocean Beach. Turn left at the T-
junction you come to. In a little bit, you should see a road on the right. Turn
onto this street and go down it. At the intersection you come to next, make a right
turn. Look for the "Sunshine Autos" sign on the right and head into the car
showroom behind it. The package is on the second floor of the building.
PACKAGE 88: ON THE PORCH OF A BLUE-GREEN HOUSE
Start from the bridge leading to Little Havana from Starfish Island. Turn right and
drive down the highway a little. You should see a building with an "El Banco
Corrupto Grande" sing over the entrance. Turn left onto the street just past the
building. Follow this road straight until you come to a T-junction. Make a right
turn here. The house you are looking for is the blue one on the left just past the
first intersection you come to.
PACKAGE 89: IN GARBAGE ALLEY NEAR CAFE ROBINA
Come into Little Havana via the bridge to Starfish Island. Turn left onto the
highway. Turn right at the first intersection you come to. Follow this road until
it gets to the second right turn. Drive straight ahead at this turn into an alley.
Go into the lot on the right side of this alleyway. The package is in this garbage
place.
PACKAGE 90: ON ROOF OF BUILDING NEAR CAFE ROBINA
Come into Little Havana via the bridge to Starfish Island. Turn left onto the
highway. Turn right at the first intersection you come to. When the road you're on
makes a right turn, look on the left side of the road for a building with a red and
white awning. The package is on top of this building. Use the stairs behind the
building to get up there.
PACKAGE 91: ON LEDGE IN FRONT OF "KAUFMAN CABS" BILLBOARD*
Come into Little Havana via the bridge from. Turn left onto the highway. Turn
right at the first intersection you come to. After you pass two right turns, look on
the right side of the road for an empty lot. The "Kaufman Cabs" billboard is above
this lot. Land a helicopter on the roof next to the sign, and then walk across the
ledge in front of the sign to get the package.
VICEPORT
==================================
PACKAGE 92: IN FRONT OF A WAREHOUSE NEAR 8 BALL'S BOMB SHOP
Start at the bridge in Viceport that leads to Ocean Beach. Turn left onto the
highway, and then turn right at the first intersection you come to. Turn left at
the next intersection. When you see a blue and white warehouse on your right, make
a right turn and go through the gate you see. The package is in front of the
entrance door at the end of the warehouse on your right.
PACKAGE 93: IN THE PARKING LOT ON THE WAY TO THE AIRPORT
Start at the bridge in Viceport that comes from Ocean Beach. Turn left onto the
highway, and turn right at the intersection. After you pass the next intersection,
you should start seeing chainlink fences on both sides of the road. Watch the right
side of the road for an entrance into a parking lot. The package is in this lot.
It's between two trailers in the southwest corner of the lot.
PACKAGE 94: INSIDE THE SEAPLANE HANGAR'S OFFICE
Start at the bridge in Viceport that comes from Ocean Beach. Turn left onto the
highway, and turn right at the intersection. Follow this road through the first
intersection, and make a left turn when you come to the fork past the overhead
directions sign. Make another left turn at the next fork in the road. Look for a
small door leading into a building on the left. When you go inside, you should see
a small building on your left. Go inside this little office within this hangar to
find the package.
PACKAGE 95: BEHIND THE "VICE CITY PORT AUTHORITY" SIGN
Start at the bridge in Viceport that comes from Ocean Beach. Turn left onto the
highway, and stay on the right side of the road. Follow this street until it ends
at a T-junction. The sign the package is behind will be on your right here.
PACKAGE 96: ON EAST SIDE OF NORTHEASTERN CARGO SHIP*
Come into Viceport via the bridge from Ocean Beach. Turn left onto the highway and
get on the left side of the road. After you pass through the dock's gates, look for
a boat on the left that's white and blue. This is the boat you want to get on.
Board the boat via the ramp nearest the gates. Go through one of the passageways to
the east side of the boat. There should be some containers blocking off this
walkway. The package is on the north side of these containers.
PACKAGE 97: ON WEST END OF SOUTHEASTERN CARGO SHIP*
Come into Viceport via the bridge from Ocean Beach. Turn left onto the highway and
get on the left side of the road. After the road you're on makes a sharp right turn
behind a warehouse, look for a blue and white ship on the left side of the road.
The hidden package is on this ship. The package is at thenortheastern corner of the
ship's control bridge. The bridge is to the west.
PACKAGE 98: IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PIPING FACILITY
Come into Viceport via the bridge from Ocean Beach. Turn left onto the highway, and
turn right at the next intersection. Drive down this road and don't go onto any
side streets. Eventually, you'll come to an area where chain-link fences are on
both sides of the road. Look on the right side of a road for a building that
says "VICE CITY TRANSPORT POLICE" on it. Drive around the right side of the
building. Head to the right more after you pass the building, and you'll see an
area with four large storage silos. The package is next to a pipe in the middle of
these four silos.
PACKAGE 99: IN THE WHITE AND GREEN APARTMENT*
Come into Viceport via the bridge from Ocean Beach. Turn left onto the highway.
Notice the apartments on the right side of the road. Also notice that they're
divided into three-walled "blocks" as I call them. If you count the last two-walled
block, the package is hidden in the third from last block nearest the docks.
PACKAGE 100: ON A DESTROYED HOUSE PLATFORM IN THE WATER
Get a boat, and head to the south end of the central water channel. You should see
several houses over the water when you're about to hit open sea. One of these house
platforms has been destroyed. The package is on the upper floor of that one.
(Thanks again to Minesweeper for letting me use this from his FAQ)
=================
12. Unique Jumps
=================
(Thanks to the Brady Games strategy guide for some of this information)
There are 36 Unique Jumps in Vice City. I will divide them up by regions in Vice
City. Here we go!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE MAINLAND
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Downtown
--------
/\
/__\ #1 - Jump from the ramp on top of the to the roof of the Secondhand
Circuitry building.
__
|__| #2 - Jump from the large set of stairs and land on the building that includes
AmmuNation.
/\
/__\ #3 - Last jump on the high-rise, to the spotlight roof.
/\
/__\ #4 - Use a PCJ 600 to smash through the glass in the middle of a large, white,
window filled building facing west. Land in a courtyard in the building across the
street.
Little Haiti
------------
__
|__| #5 - Turn on the first right off the main highway coming from downtown.
Pass the first street, and use the alley ramp to jump through the storage containers
onto the Riverside Pavilion rooftop.
__
|__| #6 - Turn left from where you landed and head straight until you see a wooden
ramp on a crate in a grassy alley, jump it going over the school bus and the house
and landing safely.
__
|__| #7 - From there turn right, and look on your right for a ramp inbetween 2
crates and jump over the water and land for credit.
Little Havana
-------------
/\
/__\ #8 - There is a slope on a rooftop on the roof of Calle 8 Cafeteria, but you
need to go back a couple of stores to find a way to get on the rooftop, then you
need to jump from roof to roof until you get to it.
Escobar International Airport
-----------------------------
__
|__| #9 - Towards the eastern side of the airport. As you turn right from the road
to get in, the fence you need to jump over is on the left. You need to get into
this airport/hangar type place and jump the fence using the mobile stairs.
__
|__| #10 - As you land, turn left and follow that road left. When you get to the
intersection stay on this road. You need to get into the lot on your right. Once
you are in there, you need to use the billboard as a ramp to get to the roof of the
terminal.
__
|__| #11 - Go back from there past jump #9 and use the striped ramps to jump all the
way over the fence into the street.
__
|__| #12 - To get to this place, which holds jumps 12-16, go back to the directions
to #10. From there keep on going and look left, you need to get into that large
hangar place. Towards the eastern side, there are mobile stairs this time to jump
over a loading bridge, heading east.
__
|__| #13 - On the westernmost bridge, there are mobile stairs. Hit that jump going
east. Go over the bridge to get the money.
__
|__| #14 - Same jump as #13, except it is south and going west. Hit the jump and
clear the bridge.
__
|__| #15 - Towards the southern part of the hangar area there is a runway directions
sign on the ground. The ground is sort of raised, so you have a jump. Hit that
jump and jump the radar building.
__
|__| #16 - Right next to the radar building, there is more mobile stairs. I'm not
quite sure what you have to jump over, just jump as high as you can.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
STARFISH ISLAND
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
__
|__| #17 - On the northern coast of the island, opposite the mansion, there is a
house. To get there, coming from the east, turn right on the first road and it is
the second house you see, close to the intersection. Anyway, on the south side of
this house there is a set of stairs. You need lots of speed-up area for this jump,
so get lots of it. I also recommend using a PCJ-600. You need to jump over the
hedges and into the neighbors' yard.
~~~~~~~~~~
THE BEACH
~~~~~~~~~~
Vice Point
----------
__
|__| #18 - Coming north from Washington Beach, on the road farthest west going into
Vice Point, there is a jump. Following this road, you should see the Malibu up
ahead. Off to the left, you should see a ramp leading into the river, or over. You
know what to do.
__
|__| #19 - Follow the same directions as the last jump, except this time as soon as
you pass the bridge, you should see a ramp facing the opposite way. You need to hit
that ramp and go over the bridge going south.
/\
/__\ #20 - This one is kind of tricky. Get to the construction site, and head to
the top level. Follow along a girder in the northern part of the top level, and it
sort of angles upward. Go along that, I recommend a PCJ 600, and jump off to get
credit. It is narrow so be careful.
Washington Beach
----------------
__
|__| #21 - Coming from Starfish Island, after the second turn you should see a dirt
mound on your right. You need to build up enough speed to jump over the channel to
the island going from east to west.
__
|__| #22 - Pretty much the opposite of the last jump. You need to jump over the
channel the other way, using a cement ramp. In the process of the jump you should
pass over jump #21.
__
|__| #23 - Coming south from Vice Point with the river on your right, passing the
Malibu, you should come to the first intersection in Washington Beach, and off to
your left, is a wooden ramp. You need to hit it and jump over the roof and land on
the second roof.
____
__
|__| #24 - In the same alley as the last jump, you should see a set of stairs, use
them as a jump to jump across the street. If you remember this and it helps, it is
where you used a vantage point for Diaz's mission "Guardian Angels."
__
|__| #25 - The opposite side of the last jump, where Lance was standing in "Guardian
Angels." You need to land in the grass of the police station across the street.
__
|__| #26 - Father down the alley from all of these last few jumps, is a set of metal
stairs, but they are a lot wider than the other stairs. Sail over the street and
land on the building across the street.
__
|__| #27 - Father down the same alley as the last jump, towards the main street, is
a bunch of boxes or something pilled up on the ground. All you need to do is go
fast enough to trigger the slow animation and you will get credit.
Ocean Beach
-----------
/\
/__\ #28 - Along he northern part of Ocean Beach, on the street that splits the 2
counties going from west to east, is a 2-story white building. Get to the roof,
then going north, jump from it using the vents and land on the shorter roof across
the street.
/\
/__\ #29 - From that roof facing the street go on the street turn right then left.
You should see a car park type place; go up the spiral "stairs" to get to an open
area. You should see a shotgun pickup. Anyway going east on the side of the
pickup, you should see a jump with an arrow. Use that to fly across the street and
land on the roof of the Beach Scooter store.
__
|__| #30 - Driving along the eastern coast from Washington Beach to Ocean Beach,
turn right into an alley, that is in line with another street east. Look to the
right to see some more boxes set on top of each other. Get enough speed and use
that as a jump to land on the rooftop of the building on the left side of the alley.
/\
/__\ #31 - From jump #29 on the roof of the store, head south on that road going
north and south. Go up to the top of the Cone Crazy building on the left after the
first intersection and hit the jump on top, going south, on to the roof of the
Collar & Cuffs store.
__
|__| #32 - Across the street from the Cone Crazy building is a white building that
is sitting on stilts and there are stairs right by it. Use them to jump over the
building all the way to the pink roof of the apartments. Use the alley behind it to
get as much speed as possible.
/\
/__\ #33 - Right from that last jump keep on going and go off the jump on the roof
of the pink apartments. Fly over the street onto the roof of the next building or a
long ways to get credit.
__
|__| #34 - Go west from here down by the docks. On the northern docks, use a PCJ
600, or something with good acceleration, and jump from the northern dock to the
southern dock.
__
|__| #35 - This is also by the docks, but this one is on the middle docks, or
southern docks. Coming from the last jump, continue on from that on the wooden
planks and use the wooden jump to reach the southernmost dock.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PRAWN ISLAND
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
/\
/__\ #36 - Whew! This is the last one. In the southern part of Prawn Island,
driving from Vice Point going east turn left on the first road on the island. On
this road in the southernmost corner, is a building with a ramp on it. Get to the
top of it using a PCJ 600 and there are stairs behind the building. Hit the ramp to
go over the wall of the film studio and into the back lot to get credit.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Here is another look at the Unique Jumps, thanks to Psy for all of this next
information. His numbers do not correspond to mine; the Brady numbers of his
however do correspond to mine.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
=====================================================================
Unique Jumps
=====================================================================
*NOTE*
I have done the jumps in order of how you could complete them, e.g. you start on the
East Island, and so I have started there. However, a number of people have used the
Brady guide, which starts on the West Island, so I included their location next to
my Jump Numbers (thats why they start on jump 34).
*********************************************************************
A. East Island
*********************************************************************
_____________
Unique Jump 1 (Brady Games Unique Jump 34)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
From Ammu-Nation head [SOUTH]. When you reach the end and are facing water turn
right, you should now be heading [NORTH WEST]. A short way along you will notice
that the ground has changed colour to yellow and you may now see the docks. So drive
down to there. You will see 2 gates leading to the piers, but only one opens, and
that's once you beat the first batch of Colonel Cortez's missions.
Enter the most Northern Gate (if you can) and reach the middle of the pier. You
will see a ramp. You're aim is to hit this ramp and jump across the water to the
next pier. Reverse as far back as possible then speed for the jump which leads
[SOUTH]. You should make it quite easily if you are in a fast car.
As soon as you land dont stop, if you are facing [SOUTH] still, keep hard on the
gas and hit the next ramp for the next jump. To help with the jump you sometimes
find a PCJ 600 parked on the walkway in between the two gates.
_____________
Unique Jump 2 (Brady Games Unique Jump 35)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
Follow the above instructions for [JUMP 1], and as soon as you land keep hard on the
gas, you will have to hit another gap, which is bigger than the one you just
cleared. You should manage to make it easily though. Once you land this time, try to
stop. To get back to land there is one more jump heading [EAST], however this is not
a unique jump.
_____________
Unique Jump 3 (Brady Games Unique Jump 32)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
From Ammu-Nation head [NORTH], take the second right and once there you will see a
large white parking lot type thing on you're right. If you turn in here you will see
the stairway that you are jumping from. You are jumping [SOUTH]. Luckily, there is
an alley in between some houses north of the jump, so reverse up there and speed to
the stairs.
You have to clear the first rooftop and land on the second, pink roof. You will have
to use this jump in the mission PCJ Playground, so its a good idea to get used to
jumping it. To help with the jumps, you sometimes find a PCJ 600 parked in a corner
of the lot.
_____________
Unique Jump 4 (Brady Games Unique Jump 33)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
Follow the above steps for [JUMP 3], but as soon as you land on the Pink rooftop you
will be facing, or near to a vent in the roof. You have to hit this vent and jump to
the next roof. The best way to do it is hit [JUMP 3] slightly to the left then you
will land almost perfectly online with the jump. Just clear the road, and make
contact with the roof opposite to clear the jump.
_____________
Unique Jump 5 (Brady Games Unique Jump 31)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
From you're hotel face [SOUTH] and make the first right, make a right when you reach
the end of this street and a short way on the left you will see an opening. Head
along here and turn right, into the multi storey car park. Follow it up to the roof,
then position yourself in the [NORTH WEST] Corner but facing [SOUTH].
Speed at the stone jump and you should easily clear the street and make it to the
top of the next rooftop to pass this jump. If you want to keep you're car, I suggest
slamming both the handbrake and normal brakes as you land, because you're momentum
will take you off the roof.
_____________
Unique Jump 6 (Brady Games Unique Jump 30)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
From you're hotel, facing [SOUTH], make a right, then as soon as you see it, make a
right into the alley. Speed along this alley heading [NORTH] and when you reach the
end of this section you will see a small wooden box which you will jump from.
You're aim is the roof on the other side of the road, and slightly to the left, so
position yourself on the run up and hit it. You shouldn't have too many problems. I
suggest using a PCJ 600 for this jump.
_____________
Unique Jump 7 (Brady Games Unique Jump 27)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
If you followed the guide so far and hit [JUMP 6], you will be on a rooftop. Jump
down into the alley and head along it to the [NORTH]. When you reach the road you
will see another wooden box which this jump is from.
Head along to the [NORTH], and when you think you are far enough along, turn, facing
[SOUTH], and hit the jump with some power. This time however, you are not aiming for
the rooftop opposite, you're aiming for the Alley. Try to jump past the wooden pole
on the right and that usually does the job well enough.
If you tap the wall on the right a second before hitting the jump it will position
you so that you are ready to jump straight. I suggest using a PCJ 600 for this jump.
_____________
Unique Jump 8 (Brady Games Unique Jump 26)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
After [JUMP 7] make a 180, and head back up the alley [NORTH]. Eventually you will
reach another road, and across it will be another alley. To the left of this alley,
from you're perspective is a stairway. You guessed it, this is where you are jumping
from. I suggest heading along the alley across the road [NORTH] to the next road,
then turn around and hit the jump heading [SOUTH].
You have to land on the rooftop slightly to the right, which shouldn't be too hard
if you've got the hang of jumping and you are using the PCJ 600, like a good boy...
or girl.
To hit this jump well, follow the black track in the middle of the alley, and just
as you hit the staircase tap right which should point you in the right direction for
this one.
_____________
Unique Jump 9 (Brady Games Unique Jump 24)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
After [JUMP 8], get back into the alley, and head [NORTH] once again. Keep going
along until you see not one, but two stairways! (I know what you're thinking TWO
STAIRWAYS!!!, but yes, i guess Rockstar North wanted to make this the best game
ever :p) the one you are hitting here is the one on the right.
If you look carefully you are actually jumping [WEST] this time, so you should be
able to tell that you will need a big run up. Go [EAST] and towards the beach, and
when you get there make a 180 and hit the jump hard. You have to hit the wall of the
police building for this to count, not the tree as many people's attempts end up.
I have also just worked out that landing on the grass past the tree causes this jump
to be passed too. It is quite tricky, but once you know what you are doing, its all
about whether you can hit the jump right. I suggest using a PCJ 600 for this jump.
*If I Can Work Out A Better Technique I'll Post It*
______________
Unique Jump 10 (Brady Games Unique Jump 25)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
From [JUMP 9] you will remember 2 stairways. Well, this time you are jumping from
the opposite stairway to the one you just jumped. Head back into the alley and go
[NORTH] then turn around and hit the stairs on the right.
You're aim is to land on the roof opposite. You may have to tap right just as you
hit the stairs to jump in the right direction. I suggest using a PCJ 600 for this
jump.
***********************
Submitted Tip, By J.S.
***********************
I did use a PCJ-600. However, I couldn't just go to the northern end of the alley.
There wasn't enough room to get the speed I needed, so I went farther north. I ended
up in the street in between the hotel where the bike to start the "PCJ Playground"
mission is and the ramp that is Unique Stunt #16 in your guide. I may have been
farther north, but you get the idea. I sped along the street south and approached
Unique Stunt #11 in your guide, the wooden ramp. Then, I went just to the left of
it to end up in the alley. This was kind of tricky because of the curb you have to
go over, but I was able to do it fairly easily. Now, I'm in the alley with a good
deal more speed than on previous tries. I hit the stairs and boom! I flew quite a
bit farther than ever. I cleared the electric pole and a portion of the roof, but I
landed in the alley.
However, I did make the Unique Stunt.
______________
Unique Jump 11 (Brady Games Unique Jump 23)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
If you follow the alley from [JUMP 9+10] to the [NORTH], as you exit, you will see a
wooden ramp on the left. You guessed it, that's where you're jumping from. Follow
the long road [NORTH] to the Malibu, then make a 180, and burn along the road.
Just before the last lamp post, make a slight left, onto the pavement, and possibly
on the grass, then hit the wooden ramp. Clearing the first roof should do it. This
can be done in any fast car, but you might as well use a PCJ 600.
______________
Unique Jump 12 (Brady Games Unique Jump 29)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
From Ammu-Nation head [NORTH], take the third right and on the left you will see the
Washington Mall. Drive along this road then turn left at the end. Follow this road
along and halfway you will see a Spiral Parking lot to you're left. Cut across the
grass and head up and around to the top of the parking lot. Once you get to the top
head to the right, follow the arrows, and go up at the other side.
Go towards the next ramp that takes you down, but stop at the top of it. Position
yourself online with the arrow on the opposite ramp and speed towards it. You are
now facing [EAST].
You should jump over the small wall, and land on the rooftop opposite. Once you land
stop still, and drive over the stairs and stop.... BTW, you should be using a PCJ
600, but a fast sports car works well enough.
______________
Unique Jump 13 (Brady Games Unique Jump 28)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
Follow the instructions from [JUMP 12] and once you go over the stairs stop. To the
left you will see 3 Vents, you are going to jump from the one in the middle of the
three, or from where you are, the one at the top left corner.
Hit this jump and land on or make contact with the roof of the building opposite to
register this one.
______________
Unique Jump 14 (Brady Games Unique Jump 22)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
Find the store "Bunch Of Tools" which is over the bridge from the main island. Once
you are here, head back over the bridge which leads [EAST] and you will see the
police station. Go around the back of the station and head towards "Bunch Of Tools"
again, but this time you will come to a stone jump.
Reverse back and hit the jump. You will clear the river and that's the jump complete.
______________
Unique Jump 15 (Brady Games Unique Jump 21)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
Find the store "Bunch Of Tools" which is over the bridge from the main island. Once
here, face the store and turn [EAST]. You will see a pile of sand and a hole in the
fence where you must jump from. Head towards Starfish Island and then make a 180 and
speed along the road.
Make a right just before the bridge and you should hit the sand and clear the river,
which is pretty much all the jump requires. This jump can be completed in almost any
car.
______________
Unique Jump 16 (Brady Games Unique Jump 19)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
Find the store "Bunch Of Tools" which is over the bridge from the main island. Head
across the bridge to the [EAST], and when you reach the police station head [NORTH]
to the Malibu. Turn around so that you are facing [SOUTH] and get onto the grass on
the right hand side.
Speed along the grass keeping roughly in the middle of it and hit the stone jump to
clear the bridge and register this jump. Try not to hit any trees.
______________
Unique Jump 17 (Brady Games Unique Jump 18)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
Find the store "Bunch Of Tools" which is over the bridge from the main island. Head
across the bridge to the [EAST], and when you reach the police station head [NORTH]
to the Malibu. When you are facing the Malibu, directly [WEST] will be a stone jump,
you've gotta hit this and clear the river.
This may not look too hard, but this is actually one of the widest parts of the
river. Drive into the undercover section of the Malibu, you know, the bit next to
the steps. When you are parked under there at the bottom of the steps you will see a
gap in the wall directly [EAST], so drive in there and turn around.
Reverse as far back as you can, then speed out of there, make a left and hit the
ramp as close the the Right side of it as you can (this will help to keep you
straight). Be aware, the ramp causes you to lose large amounts of speed unless you
hit it perfectly, and I'm not sure what perfect is.
This is one of the hardest jumps to pull off, and you may end up dying multiple
times before you complete it, so make a save game before you attempt it, unless you
dont care. I find this jump is easiest on a PCJ 600, Banshee and Infernus.
______________
Unique Jump 18 (Brady Games Unique Jump 20)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
YOU NEED A BIKE FOR THIS ONE!!!
Find the store "Bunch Of Tools" which is over the bridge from the main island you
should be on a PCJ 600. Head [NORTH] and go into the construction site. Work you're
way up to the top by following the wooden planks which are kind of to the far right
of the site. After you have gone up for the 3rd time you will be facing [SOUTH].
Directly to your right is a girder. I think you see where this is going, you have to
drive along this girder fast and pull a wheelie just before you leave the girder.
You should make it over the road and hit the side of the building opposite. That's
that one done.
*********************************************************************
B. Prawn Island
*********************************************************************
______________
Unique Jump 19 (Brady Games Unique Jump 36)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
Get to the [NORTH] Pay And Spray. Head [NORTH] along the road, and when you get it
the junction, go slightly left but keep going [NORTH]. When you reach the end of
this street turn right then make the first left and head around to the left and over
the bridge.
Pretty much as soon as you get over the bridge you will see a ramp to you're left.
Take that small jump, then use the vents to get you across onto the next roof.
From here you will see the main jump, which will take you into the Movie Studio, so
reverse as far back as possible, and then speed for the jump. You have to clear the
road and hit the roof of the building inside the walls of the movie studio. That's
this jump completed.
That's also all of the jumps you can possibly do without cheating, or doing the
missions to unlock the rest. So do the missions to unlock the next group of islands
where you can get the rest of the jumps.
*********************************************************************
C. Starfish Island
*********************************************************************
______________
Unique Jump 20 (Brady Games Missed This Jump - Unique Jump 17)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
YOU NEED A BIKE FOR THIS ONE!!!
Facing [NORTH] out of the drive way of Diaz's / Vercetti's Mansion make a left and
head along to the [WEST]. Take the first and only right, and follow it to the end.
Once you reach the end, facing [NORTH], you will see a small alley to the right, it
is in between an orange and white wall. Follow this alley along and when you can,
turn right. Go into the garden, and as soon as you can, turn right, go passed the
garage, and just after it, you will see an opening in a fence.
Go through there and make a 180. You are now aiming for the steps on the front of
the house. Hit them with some speed and clear the garden on the other side of the
wall. It still counts if you smash into the hedge, but be a real man and jump over
the garden! The jump will be in a [EAST] direction.
Thats the one and only jump on Starfish Island, and well hidden, if I must say so
myself. On to The West Island.
*********************************************************************
D. West Island
*********************************************************************
______________
Unique Jump 21 (Brady Games Unique Jump 10)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
From "Screw This" Facing [EAST] head along to the end of the road (Heading [EAST]
Obviously). Make a right here and follow the road along. Take the first right you
come to, which is quite a long way along, and follow the road up to the [WEST]. When
you get on the road where there are fences either side, follow it along and around
until you reach the main terminal of the airport.
Just as you reach this, you will definitely see a surf sign on the right hand side.
The jump is inside that. If you examine this jump you will see a small wooden ramp
at the bottom of it, and towards the top of the ramp is a little ramp.
Get a fast car and head into the airfield located [NORTH] of the jump. Go as far in
as you think you need to be, then make a 180 and head for the ramp. Keep to the
right of the surf jump at first, until you pass the small wooden board at the
bottom, then try to hit the left of the main ramp at the top. This will launch you
onto the top of the airport and also register this jump for you.
______________
Unique Jump 22 (Brady Games Unique Jump 9)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
From "Screw This" Facing [EAST] head along to the end of the road (Heading [EAST]
Obviously). Make a right here and follow the road along. Take the first right you
come to, which is quite a long way along, and follow the road up to the [WEST]. When
you get on the road where there are fences either side, follow it along and around
until you reach the main terminal of the airport.
Just before you pass the Surf sign on the right, is a parking lot on the left,
well... its more of an airfield than a parking lot, but anyway, go in here. There
are a number of jumps for you to complete here, but i will start from the ones
closest to the entrance.
As soon as you enter the Airfield, go to the left, and go alongside the hangar, keep
heading along to the [SOUTH] and just after the yellow ramps, you'll see a portable
staircase on the left. The jump is from this.
Line yourself up with the stairs and reverse back as far as you think you need, but
i suggest going quite far as its quite a big gap that you are making. Just looking
at the position of the ramp its easy to see where you are jumping the lower roof of
the building opposite. Hit the jump with some speed going [NORTH EAST] and make it
to the roof to register this one.
You HAVE TO MAKE IT ONTO THE ROOF perfectly for it to count, in other words, you
cant clip the wall, or corner.
______________
Unique Jump 23 (Brady Games Unique Jump 11)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
From "Screw This" Facing [EAST] head along to the end of the road (Heading [EAST]
Obviously). Make a right here and follow the road along. Take the first right you
come to, which is quite a long way along, and follow the road up to the [WEST].
When you get on the road where there are fences either side, follow it along and
around until you reach the main terminal of the airport. Just before you pass the
Surf sign on the right, is a parking lot on the left, well... its more of an
airfield than a parking lot, but anyway, go in here. As soon as you enter the
airfield, head to the left and follow the hangar, and ramps up, until you reach a
[NORTH-EAST / SOUTH-WEST] runway.
There will be 2 ramps sticking up, which i presume are for the planes to take off
from, but anyway, you're jump is from the one on the left.
Head most of the way down the runway and turn around. Keep hard on the gas and hit
the left ramp. It will launch you over the fence and onto the road. This is a pretty
far jump, and the camera angle makes it look so cool... unless its just me, but this
is a pretty easy jump.
______________
Unique Jump 24 (Brady Games Unique Jump 12)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
From "Screw This" Facing [EAST] head along to the end of the road (Heading [EAST]
Obviously). Make a right here and follow the road along. Take the first right you
come to, which is quite a long way along, and follow the road up to the [WEST]. When
you get on the road where there are fences either side, follow it along and around
until you reach the main terminal of the airport.
Just before you pass the Surf sign on the right, is a parking lot on the left,
well... its more of an airfield than a parking lot, but anyway, go in here.
Once you get in, go straight ahead, and just after you pass the plane, you will see
a stairway on the right. Line yourself up with it, and then reverse back as far as
you can go. Burn along the road and hit the jump. Hopefully you can clear the tunnel
used to get people on the plane and register this jump.
______________
Unique Jump 25 (Brady Games Unique Jump 13)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
Head back into the Airfield, if you left it, and follow the same instructions as
[JUMP 24], but just after you go under the plane, keep going for a bit, then turn
right. Drive forward a bit, and around that area you should see another staircase.
Like the previous jump, go back quite a way, then head for the jump and try to clear
the tunnel, although smashing into the side of it seems to work well enough...
______________
Unique Jump 26 (Brady Games Unique Jump 14)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
After [JUMP 25] go [WEST] and get onto the first [NORTH / SOUTH] runway. Head
[SOUTH] for a little while, and you will see another stairway to your left and this
is where you are jumping from.
Go back a little way, then speed for the jump, you have to clear or hit the tunnel
again, but this time you will probably land on a smaller side tunnel. If you are
using one, you may flip you're car on this jump, so be careful when choosing what
car to use.
______________
Unique Jump 27 (Brady Games Unique Jump 15)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
This next jump is located around the radar in the center of the Airfield. To get
there you can get on any runway, and follow it to the [SOUTH] or [SOUTH WEST].
Now, if you drive around the red radar you will see a yellow sign to the [NORTH
EAST] of the radar. This jump is leading from there, and you have to clear the top
corner of the lower section of the radar. It will take a few tries to get right, but
once you get the angle, you should be able to jump this with no problem. The jump
wont register if you hit the roof.
______________
Unique Jump 28 (Brady Games Unique Jump 16)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
Follow the instructions to [JUMP 27] but this time the jump you are aiming for is
the steps situated at the [SOUTH WEST] of the radar. Once you find the steps, go
back and get a long run up, then hit the steps and you should be able to jump
cleanly.
You dont have to jump over the Radar, you just have to jump quite far, over the
grass. You dont particularly have to clear the grass, but jump at least past the
end of the radar.
Thats the airport complete, so head back to "Screw This".
______________
Unique Jump 29 (Brady Games Unique Jump 8)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
Directly [NORTH] of "Screw This" is a road, follow it along, and as soon as you can,
make the first left and follow the road to the [WEST]. Take the first right again,
when you come to it and go [NORTH]. A little way along you will see some garages to
your right, keep going past these, but just after the next wall and before the
yellow building with "Parking" written on the side, there is an alley, go down here
and turn right.
You will now see a ramp leading to the rooftop. follow it up and you will see a
small vent on the roof. Speed and hit this ramp, and it will launch you to the next
roof. Try and hit the ramp going almost perfectly [SOUTH] and as soon as you land,
keep hard on the gas, and you will drop down onto another ramp, this is the ramp
that you take the jump from, so you have to hit it hard, otherwise you wont have
enough speed to clear the roof.
If you were going fast enough you would drop down, clip the ramp and get the slow
motion camera. Then you should definitely make it to the next roof.
______________
Unique Jump 30 (Brady Games Unique Jump 7)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
Get to the [NORTH] "Pay & Spray" and face out of the garage. Turn right and head
along the road to the [SOUTH]. Take the first right and then go right again on the
road at the first opportunity. A little way along you will see a street to the left.
Head up this street and when you get to the top, make a 180 so that you are facing
[EAST]. Speed along this road, and just before you reach then end, go slightly to
the left and you will see a ramp, hit this ramp, and you're aim is to hit the side,
or roof of the "Pay & Spray" while you are in the air. Its much easier on a bike.
______________
Unique Jump 31 (Brady Games Unique Jump 6)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
Get to the [NORTH] "Pay & Spray" and face out of the garage. Turn right and head
along the road to the [SOUTH]. Take the first right and then go right again on the
road at the first oppertunity. Keep going along this street, then take the second
left.
Just a very small way up you will see a ramp on the right, this is the jump, so get
a fast car or a bike, and follow the alley along. Get some speed and hit this ramp,
you're target is to clear the bus on the other side of the road, but Im not sure
how far you have to get after it. Usually clearing the end of the houses does it.
______________
Unique Jump 32 (Brady Games Unique Jump 5)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
From the [NORTH] "Pay & Spray" head [NORTH]. Take the third left. Follow this street
up, and after the first left turn, and a little way up will be an alley to the left.
In this alley you will see some wooden ramps, so go across the street and reverse
back into the space between the buildings and hit the jump which is going [SOUTH].
The idea of the jump is to basically smash into the sign which is on the roof that
you will get to, but if you are good, you'll clear it. Thats this jump finished,
and if you are following the guide, you only have a few more to go!
______________
Unique Jump 33 (Brady Games Unique Jump 2)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
From the [NORTH] "Pay & Spray" follow the road [NORTH] all the way to the end. Keep
on the left side of the road and eventually, before you reach Ammu-Nation, there
will be a set of stairs to the right. The jumps is from here and you have to land on
the roof of Ammu-Nation.
You can only get up the stairs on a bike, so thats what you're going to have to use.
This jump is very easy to make.
The next 3 and Final 3 jumps can only be done when on, or after you have completed
the mission "G-Spotlight" for the Movie Studio. So I suggest you get on with the
missions and unlock this, so that you can finish the jumps.
******************************
WARNING:
These jumps cannot be done until you are on, or have beaten "G-Spotlight" for the
Movie Studio. You will most likely do these jumps on the mission, but if you miss
one, read below to find them.
******************************
Please note that, if you have already completed the G-spotlight mission, you can
skip right past the other, non-unique jumps by using the staircases next to the dirt
bike track and just north of the Greasy Chopper.
Thanks to DieselGT for the above info, which might make it quicker for you to see if
you have done a jump before.
______________
Unique Jump 34 (Brady Games Unique Jump 4)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
YOU MUST USE A PCJ 600 FOR THESE NEXT 3 JUMPS!!!
From the [NORTH] "Pay & Spray" follow the road along to the [NORTH] and when you
reach it, take the first Right. After you turn down here, follow the road along, and
head around to the left. A little way along when you are heading [NORTH] again,
there will be a street on the left. Ignore this, and follow the road along, just
after the next building will be a large space, and directly left and next to the
building is a stairway. Follow it up to the top and around to the left. When you get
there, you will see some windows on the left, find an open door and enter through
here. Slightly to the right, you will see an open elevator, go in here and you will
be warped up to the highest point you can go in a road vehicle. Once you reach the
top floor, make a 180 and head to the back wall, then head along to the left. Turn
left again, and you will be facing 2 glass windows. Believe it or not, this is the
jump. You have to exit the building through one of the windows, and land in the
tunnel type thing opposite. Its pretty much the only thing you'll hit if you leave
the building correctly.
______________
Unique Jump 35 (Brady Games Unique Jump 1)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
Follow the EXACT locations for [JUMP 34].
After you land in the tunnel type thing, go to the end of this corridor and jump off
to the left at the end. You will land on another roof just below where you were.
Next, jump off the side where there is no wall, and you will land on another roof.
This time there is a large ramp at one end. Get some speed, but not TOP speed, and
hit this jump. You will land on the roof of the hospital. Head around to the left
and once you get as far as you can along, turn right where you will see a ramp. Go
as far back from the ramp as you can, and SPEED for the jump, pull a wheelie just as
you hit it, and you should make it to the next roof, which is all the jump requires,
although if you hit it wrong, you have got a long way to go to attempt it again.
______________
Unique Jump 36 (Brady Games Unique Jump 3)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
There are 2 ways to do this jump.
Follow the EXACT locations for [JUMP 35]. After you land on the roof next to the
hospital, head up the steps and hit the ramp, which leads to the next roof. It goes
[NORTH]. Once you reach that, go back quite far, and hit the next gap over to the
coming jump. Launch from this heading [EAST]. Once you land on the next roof, head
along to the end, and go back, to hit the ramp heading [NORTH]. Hit the next jump
going [EAST] again, and land on the roof... I bet you're getting bored of this by
now, but dont worry, theres only a few left.
*YOU NOW UNLOCKED THE STEPS... see why this is good soon*
If you fall from the jump, you can go back up these stairs, instead of from the
start.
Work you're way up the stairs and get to the next jump. Go back from the ramp before
you hit it, because with such a short run up, its hard to do. After this hit the
next jump. Then the next one, and again. You cant really miss the jumps, because
they are the only ramps on the roof, so just hit them straight ahead. Follow all the
jumps along, and around and when you reach the roof that is very long (and i mean
very) get a good run up, hit the ramp, and launch over to the next roof, to beat the
last jump (if you followed the guide).
Alternatively, if you beat "G-Spotlight" without getting the jumps, head up the
steps which you will have unlocked (follow the directions above) and then follow the
roof around. Its shorter than doing the whole thing.
=============
13. Rampages
=============
(Thanks to the Brady Games strategy guide for some information)
These are probably the funniest and for some people the hardest part of the game.
You have to kill a certain number of people or things in the time given, which is
always 2 minutes, with a certain weapon. Also, you have unlimited ammo for the 2
minutes for that weapon. You will get the idea as we start. (All rampages after
rampage #5 is thanks to
Jamie Ivany, and the hints are all thanks to me)
BTW, the squares mean it is on the ground level, and the triangle is up one or more
levels.
Ocean Beach
-----------
/\
/__\ -Rampage #1
Location: On dilapidated dock in the water
Directions: Take a boat from the southern most docks in Ocean Beach, and go due
south to a dock where the rampage is located.
Objective: Destroy 10 Vehicles in 2 minutes
Weapon: Rocket Launcher
Hints: Basically just stand there and destroy the boats. Once you destroy one, turn
to the east or north depending on where you started and destroy there. Not too
difficult.
__
|__| -Rampage #2
Location: In bushes near water to the south by where the walkway from the lighthouse
goes into the street.
Directions: Coming from the beach road from Washington Beach stay on that road until
it turns east, and it should be in the bushes as it says in the location.
Objective: Kill 30 gang members in 2 minutes
Weapon: Molotov Cocktails
Hints: Not too difficult, you will see the majority of people wearing a certain
thing, denim, and kill them. Stay far away as not to burn yourself.
__
|__| -Rampage #3
Location: On the beach just north of the lighthouse
Directions: Head due east from rampage #2 to find it.
Objective: Run over and kill 30 gang members in 2 minutes
Weapon: Vehicle
Hints: Have a vehicle ready when you start the rampage so you don't have to find
one. Kill all the little boys by running them over at fairly high speeds. A pretty
easy rampage, just make sure you have one ready otherwise it wastes lots of time.
/\
/__\ -Rampage #4
Location: A building next to the car park, on the top corner of this two-story
building.
Directions: From the bridge coming from Little Havana, turn on the first right.
Turn on the third left, and at the T-intersection turn right again. Look at
location.
Objective: Kill 25 gang members in 2 minutes
Weapon: Whatever you want
Hints: I would use a sniper rifle, and stand on the edge, scope down on the
sidewalks and shoot them all dead. Easy enough, the only hard part is to kill
enough in the time limit.
__
|__| -Rampage #5
Location: Near a fence and by a palm tree in the middle of this region
Directions: From the bridge coming from Little Havana, turn on the first right.
Turn on the second left and go around the bend and you will find it on the right,
look at location.
Objective: Kill 10 gang members in 2 minutes
Weapon: Katana
Hints: Sounds easy? Not with a katana. Go into a crowd of gang members and start
swinging. Make sure you keep moving, and you should have killed 10 in no time.
__
|__| -Rampage #6
Location: Behind concrete wall of pink building.
Directions: From the bridge coming from Little Havana, turn on the first right.
Turn at the first left, and at the T-intersection turn right. Look on your right,
and look at location.
Objective: 20 gang members in 2 minutes
Weapon: Chainsaw.
Hints: Ooh, a chainsaw, sounds like fun huh? Well, it can get pretty tough since
you are so slow with it. Go out into the street, hold down O and kill everything
you see. The gang groups should regenerate along the sidewalks.
/\
/__\ -Rampage #7
Location: East side of medical research building
Directions: From the bridge coming from Little Havana, turn on the first right.
Turn at the first right this time, and right before it starts turning south, look to
the left to see the medical building where the rampage is.
Objective: Kill 25 gang members in 2 minutes
Weapon: M4.
Hints: I would suggest staying where you get the rampage, the grassy ledge. Use the
first-person view(R1) and start shooting my friend, lots of Haitians are standing
around the sidewalks and streets.
/\
/__\ -Rampage #8
Location: On top of Washington Mall.
Directions: From the bridge coming from Little Havana, turn on the first right.
Right on your left is the Washington Mall where the rampage is located.
Objective: 25 gang members in 2 minutes
Weapon: Shotgun.
Hints: Get down in the middle of the mall and kill. The best way to kill them and
have them not shoot you is to go into the small pool/pond type thing in the middle.
Many, if none, will not be smart enough to get into the pool to get at you. If you
run out of guys to kill, go up and down floors to regenerate the gang members.
Washington Beach
----------------
__
|__| -Rampage #9
Location: Behind orange wall of pool house.
Directions: Coming from the bridge from Starfish Island, turn at the first right in
the island right after Starfish Island. Look to your right and, look at location.
Objective: Kill 25 gang members in 2 minutes
Weapon: MP5.
Hints: Get to bunch of tools in the open and kill. Get into the street right next
to it and open fire. Use a steady stream of bullets back and forth to get rid of
all of them. I would suggest to kill the ones with guns first, it lessens the
threat of you getting hurt. After you run out of guys, rinse and repeat.
__
|__| -Rampage #10
Location: Behind the big hotel with rounded windows.
Directions: Coming from Starfish Islands bridge across, turn on the third left.
Follow that road straight/left so you are going exactly east. Turn slightly right
into a path to the hotel. Look at location.
Objective: Kill 30 gang members in 2 minutes
Weapon: Spaz 12.
Hints: Go along the beach and kill. This rampage should be fairly easy, seeing as
you have a Spaz 12 Shotgun nobody should get close to you. Just keep walking along
the beach walkway and the gang groups will regenerate.
Vice Point
----------
/\
/__\ -Rampage #11
Location: Behind hotel on high diving board.
Directions: Coming from Starfish Islands bridge across, turn on the third left.
Follow that road straight/left so you are going exactly east. Turn slightly right
into a path to the hotel. Look at location.
Objective: Kill 30 gang members in 2 minutes
Weapon: Spaz 12.
Hints: Stay on the board and kill everything. Zoom in and out and pick them all off
one by one until they all die. Make sure to stay on the diving board, that way they
cant hurt you.
__
|__| -Rampage #12
Location: On the grass by the loop (cul-de-sac).
Directions: Coming from Starfish Islands bridge across, turn on the first left.
Follow that road until you get to a fork, take the fork left into a dead-end. Look
at location.
Objective: Kill 35 gang members in a 2-minute drive-by.
Weapon: Mac 10.
Hints: Stay in a relatively close area and shoot them. The only problem with this
one is making sure not to attract the cops attention too early in the mission, or
it will be a headache the rest of the rampage. If you run out of guys to shoot,
drive around some more and they will regenerate.
__
|__| -Rampage #13
Location: On the dock behind Mercedes'.
Directions: Right underneath the bridge coming from Leaf Links into Vice Point,
there is a dock, and it is located right on the dock.
Objective: Kill 20 gang members in 2 minutes
Weapon: Chainsaw.
Hints: Get to the street by the bridge and bring havoc on all of them. I think that
it is a bad idea to do the whole chainsaw stabbing thing because it takes way too
much time and you could be dead by then. Just keep moving and hold down the circle
button.
__
|__| -Rampage #14
Location: North of Dirt bike track by beach.
Directions: Coming from Prawn Islands bridge across to Vice Point, turn left.
Follow that road until you are going parallel with and can see the beach. Look to
your left by the dirt bike track. Look at location.
Objective: Kill 25 gang members in 2 minutes
Weapon: Python.
Hints: Get to the mall and kill them. You can also go right outside the mall and
there will be lots of guys there as well. The best way is to hold R1 to target,
holding circle of course, and pressing R2 or L2 to move your target to the nearest
gang member.
__
|__| -Rampage #15
Location: South East entrance of North Point Mall.
Directions: Coming from Prawn Islands bridge across to Vice Point, turn left.
Follow that road until you are going parallel with and can see the beach. Past #14
on the right will be an entrance to North Point Mall, it is right by there.
Objective: Kill 35 gang members in 2 minutes
Weapon: M4.
Hints: Stay where you are, there are plenty of them to kill. It could get ugly with
the fistfights, but using the targeting system, not the auto-lock, will prevent that
well enough. There will be plenty of guys around there.
/\
/__\ -Rampage #16
Location: Inside the NP mall in a planter.
Directions: Coming from Prawn Islands bridge across to Vice Point, turn left.
Follow that road until you are going parallel with and can see the beach. Past #14
on the right will be an entrance to North Point Mall. Go inside, and look at
location.
Objective: Kill 35 gang members in 2 min.
Weapon: Rocket Launcher.
Hints: There are gangs all over the mall. Make sure to keep a safe distance from
them so you dont get too hurt. Also, if they are standing in a group, shoot at
their feet so it will for sure hit them, if you aim at them, sometimes it can miss.
__
|__| -Rampage #17
Location: Behind a building in North East Vice Point.
Directions: Coming from Prawn Islands bridge across to Vice Point, turn left. Stay
with the road when it turns left, right, loop left to right and back going east. On
the right will be where to look. Look at location.
Objective: Kill 30 gang members in a 2-minute drive-by.
Weapon: Uzi.
Hints: Stay close and keep driving around. This should be very easy, if they get
close to your door, shoot them, they are just giving you an easier target.
Downtown
--------
__
|__| -Rampage #18
Location: In VAJ building yard, by the statue.
Directions: Coming from Prawn Islands bridge going to downtown. Go straight past
the first intersection and look right into the field. Look at location.
Objective: Kill 30 gang members in 2 minutes
Weapon: Minigun.
Hints: Go to the street to the north, and just unload on all of the gang members.
The hardest part about this rampage is killing yourself with this gun; it is very
powerful, so avoid shooting cars that will hurt you. Keep turning so they dont
sneak up on you, and you dont want them close to you, otherwise they will gang up
on you.
/\
/__\ -Rampage #19
Location: On steps of big white building south of VAJ
Directions: Coming from Prawn Islands bridge going to downtown. Go straight past
the first intersection and look to the left just before the road curves right. Look
at location.
Objective: Kill 40 gang members in 2 minutes
Weapon: Molotov.
Hints: Run to the street and kill everything. Go by the sidewalk, and just start
launching Molotovs into the crowds of gang members. Make sure you stay a good
distance away, so you dont catch on fire.
/\
/__\ -Rampage #20
Location: On stairs east of AmmuNation
Directions: Coming from Prawn Islands bridge going to downtown. Go straight past
the first intersection and to the second intersection, which is a T-intersection.
Right by that intersection, at the AmmuNation, look at location.
Objective: Kill 25 gang members in 2 minutes
Weapon: Python.
Hints: Go to the AmmuNation and kill everything. Go out into the street and just
start shooting all of the gang members you see. Use the technique of pressing R1 to
aim at a gang member, holding circle, then press L2 or R2 to change to another
person to kill.
__
|__| -Rampage #21
Location: By helipads north end of Hyman Stadium
Directions: Coming from Prawn Islands bridge going to downtown. Turn at the first
right and follow that road until a T-intersection. Turn left and follow it until
you get to the stadium. Look at location.
Objective: Kill 30 gang members in 2 minutes
Weapon: Flamethrower
Hints: Head to the stadium stairs. First start with the groups that appear right
next to the icon, then head over to the steps of the stadium and torch some people
there. A pretty easy mission, make sure not to catch yourself on fire.
__
|__| -Rampage #22
Location: In the alley system behind the pizza parlor.
Directions: Coming from Prawn Islands bridge going to downtown. Turn at the first
left and follow it until the next left, where you should turn. Follow that road
until you get to where the street forms a 90 degree angle and look at location.
Objective: Kill 35 gang members in a 2-minute drive-by
Weapon: Mac 10.
Hints: Get to the main streets, grab any car if you dont have one, and start
shooting! Just make sure you get all of them that are running at you, if they yank
you out of your car it is big trouble.
__
|__| -Rampage #23
Location: Behind the hotel with all glass sides.
Directions: Coming from Prawn Islands bridge going to downtown. Turn at the first
left and follow it until the next left, where you should turn. At the next
intersection turn left, and follow that road until you see a right turn into a
hotel. Look at location.
Objective: Kill 30 gang members in 2 minutes
Weapon: M60.
Hints: Stay on the main street where the hotel is. Kill the groups of gang members,
and wait for the ambulance, which should come fairly quickly. DONT shoot the
paramedics, they will heal the gang members, giving you more targets to shoot.
Little Haiti
------------
__
|__| -Rampage #24
Location: Behind small building next to red bridge.
Directions: From the Leaf Links bridge going into Little Haiti, turn left on the
highway. Turn at the second right, and pass the first intersection. When you get
to the next intersection turn right. Then, turn right again at the T-intersection.
Look at location.
Objective: Kill 35 gang members in 2 minutes
Weapon: Spaz 12.
Hints: Run into Haiti and hit all the gangs. Just keep running around and you will
find them, this rampage is very easy. The gang members wear blue and white.
__
|__| -Rampage #25
Location: In an alley next to the pizza parlor.
Directions: From the Leaf Links bridge going into Little Haiti, turn left on the
highway. Turn at the second right and turn right at the first intersection. Before
you get to the next intersection look right. Look at location.
Objective: Kill 30 gang members in 2 minutes
Weapon: Tec 9.
Hints: Get to the street in front of the parlor, and let loose your bullets. A good
thing to know is that the longer you hold down circle to fire it, the more
inaccurate the bullets become, so let up on the circle for half a second, and it
will return to normal accuracy.
Little Havana
-------------
__
|__| -Rampage #26
Location: In the B-Ball court.
Directions: From the Starfish Island bridge going into Little Havana, turn right
onto the highway, then quickly turn left into the street. At the next T-
intersection, turn right and stay on this road until you are going south. On the
left you should look for it, and look at location.
Objective: Kill 25 gang members in 2 minutes
Weapon: Shotgun.
Hints: Head for the streets, and just unload. You will be amazed at the range of
this weapon, so you can stay pretty far away to hit your targets. You can almost
stay in one spot the whole rampage if you want to.
/\
/__\ -Rampage #27
Location: By a loading bay door behind the bank.
Directions: From the Starfish Island bridge going into Little Havana, turn right
onto the highway, then quickly turn left into the street. Look on the right and at
the location.
Objective: Kill 10 gang members in 2 minutes (thanks to Josh Miller for
correction.)
Weapon: Katana
Hints: Hit the street there is loads of Cubans. Once you hit the first Cuban, you
have just set off the rest of them and they will swarm after you. Keep moving and
swinging at them, and it should be pretty easy. Just dont get caught in a crowd,
or you will die very fast.
__
|__| -Rampage #28
Location: On lower roof of hospital.
Directions: From the Starfish Island Bridge going into Little Havana, look straight
across to see the hospital. Look at location to find the rampage.
Objective: Kill 20 gang members in 2 min.
Weapon: Sniper Rifle.
Hints: Stay on the roof, and just snipe them all. This one is tough, 2 minutes
isnt enough for 20 gang members, so after you kill everyone from the roof, you have
to jump down and look along the sidewalks to find more.
/\
/__\ -Rampage #29
Location: On top of the building with the red awning.
Directions: From the Starfish Island Bridge going into Little Havana, turn left onto
the highway. Turn then at the first right and follow that road until you get to the
second intersection. Pass that, and right after that you should look at location.
Objective: Kill 20 gang members in 2 minutes
Weapon: Ruger
Hints: Stay on the roof and just fire at the gang members. If needed, you can look
away for a couple seconds and return to shooting them, because they regenerate right
in front of the roof. This one is a cinch.
Vice Port
---------
__
|__| -Rampage #30
Location: Behind brown hotel near airport
Directions: From the Starfish Island Bridge going into Little Havana, turn left onto
the highway. Turn at the second left, and then turn on the second left again into a
hotel. Look at location.
Objective: Kill 35 gang members in 2 minutes
Weapon: Grenades
Hints: Get to the street and bomb everyone. The hardest part is put the grenades in
the right place with the right amount of muscle. If you cant seem to get it
right. Run up to the group, quickly press circle to just drop the grenade next to
the group and continue running to avoid the blast.
/\
/__\ -Rampage #31
Location: On the ship roughly in the center.
Directions: From the bridge coming from Ocean Beach across to Little Havana, turn
left onto the highway, and stay on the wrong side of the road. Go left into the
docks and when the road splits go left into the docks and look at location.
Objective: Destroy 15 vehicles in 2 minutes
Weapon: Rocket Launcher
Hints: Get on the ramp of the ship and bomb away. This shouldnt be too hard, if
you run out of cars to shoot, shoot some people to get the police or the ambulances
to come and you can then shoot those vehicles.
__
|__| -Rampage #32
Location: Behind ticket booths in terminal
Directions: Coming from the bridge from Ocean Beach to Little Havana, turn left, and
then turn at the first right. Follow that road into the airport terminal. When you
follow the road north, then go west, go past the first intersection and go into the
terminal. Look at location.
Objective: Kill 25 gang members in 2 minutes
Weapon: Spaz 12.
Hints: Stay in the terminal, and you have to move around in this one because they
die quickly. Once you clear the first floor, head to the second floor, and then
come back down for more guys if needed.
/\
/__\ -Rampage #33
Location: On top of the airport terminal.
Directions: Coming from the bridge from Ocean Beach to Little Havana, turn left, and
then turn at the first right. Turn on the third left so you go into the huge open
area with planes and such. Go north until you see the terminal, and look at
location.
Objective: Destroy 15 vehicles in 2 minutes
Weapon: Rocket Launcher.
Hints: Stay on the roof and bomb away. Again, shoot the people to get police and
ambulances to come so you can shoot them. If you run out of vehicles, go into the
streets to find some more cars.
__
|__| -Rampage #34
Location: East of the Air Base in the bushes.
Directions: Coming from the bridge from Ocean Beach to Little Havana, turn left, and
then turn at the first right. Follow that road into the airport terminal. When you
follow the road north, then go west turn right at the first intersection until you
get to another intersection. Turn right there as well and follow that road to the
entrance of the Air Base. Look at location.
Objective: Destroy 20 vehicles in 2 minutes
Weapon: Minigun
Hints: Get to the road and blast away. The minigun is definitely powerful enough to
destroy the cars, and they will blow up fast. Still this is pretty tough because it
is a lot of cars for only 2 minutes. Again you need to shoot people to get
ambulances and police cars to show up.
__
|__| -Rampage #35
Starfish Island: West side house, walk over the hedges to find it in their driveway.
Directions: Coming from Little Havana over the bridge into Starfish Island, go over
the bridge into Starfish Island. Turn at the first left you see, and look quickly
to the left. Look at location.
Objective: Run over 35 gang members in 2 minutes
Weapon: Any vehicle.
Hints: Head to the street and run everyone over. This is really easy, and running
over people is the easiest thing to do in this game. Make sure you are going fast
enough; otherwise they will not die. Otherwise, this rampage is a cinch.
==============
14. Locations
==============
This section is kind of a general term for all of the places you can go to buy
something. I didn't really know what else to call it, and weapon shops sounded too
redundant. Anyway, I will list the shops, the locations, and what they sell for how
much.
-------------------
WEAPON/TOOL STORES
-------------------
~~~~~~~~~~~
AmmuNation
~~~~~~~~~~~
Location: Downtown
#=Available after completing mission "Rub Out"
- Colt Python $2000
- #MP5 $3000
- #SPAS Shotgun $4000
- #Colt M4 $5000
- #PSG1 $6000
- Body Armor $200
Location: Vice Point
- Colt 45 $100
- Uzi 9mm $400
- Stubby Shotgun $600
- Sniper Rifle $1500
- Grenades $300
- Body Armor $200
Location: Ocean Beach
- Colt 45 $100
- Ingram MAC 10 $300
- Shotgun $500
- Ruger $1000
- Body Armor $200
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tool Stores
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Name: Tooled Up
#=Available after completing mission "Back Alley Brawl"
- Screwdriver $10
- Hammer $20
- Meat Cleaver $50
- *Knife $90
- Katana $300
Name: Bunch of Tools
#=Available after completing mission "Jury Fury"
- Screwdriver $10
- Hammer $20
- Meat Cleaver $50
- *Baseball Bat $80
- *Machete $100
Name: Screw This
#=Available after completing mission "Jury Fury"
- Screwdriver $10
- Hammer $20
- Meat Cleaver $50
- *Machete $100
- Chainsaw $500
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Phil's Place
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All of the weapons are available after completing Phil Cassidy's missions and
getting the Gun Warehouse
- Detonator $1000
- M60 $8000
- Flamethrower $8000
- Rocket Launcher $10000
-----------------
WEAPON LOCATIONS
-----------------
For these locations, I will give the area they are in and a general idea of their
whereabouts. They all regenerate regularly, I don't know how often though. Thanks
to Brady Games for some of these.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Slot 2 Weapons
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BRASS KNUCKLES
-Location: Ocean Beach
-Directions: In an alley right behind the first save point in the game
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Slot 3 Weapons
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KATANA
-Location: Vice Point
-Directions: In the North Point Mall
GOLF CLUB
-Location: Leaf Links
-Directions: Right inside the door of Leaf Links Country Club
CLEAVER
-Location: Vice Point
-Directions: Coming from Leaf Links, turn right on the first road. After the first
turn on the left it should be there.
NIGHTSTICK
-Location: Washington Beach
-Directions: Inside the police station
MACHETE
-Location: Vice Point
-Directions: Coming from Starfish Island, on the walkway to the right
KATANA #1
-Location: Starfish Island
-Directions: In the garage of the mansion.
KATANA #2 (GTA3_Addict)
-Location: Starfish Island
-Directions: Garage of the house next to the Diaz mansion on Starfish Island
CHAINSAW
-Location: Ocean Beach
-Directions: Inside the apartments, in room 3C
KNIFE
-Location: Ocean Beach
-Directions: Southernmost road, behind Maison Wenifall
BASEBALL BAT
-Location: Ocean Beach
-Directions: From the Brass Knuckles pick-up, go south and turn right, and it should
be there.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Slot 4 Weapons
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MOLOTOV
-Location: Downtown
-Directions: At Taco Place in the northern part of downtown.
BOMB/DETONATOR
-Location: Vice Point
-Directions: Coming from Leaf Links, go all the way to the beach side road. Pass
one turn and right after the second turn, on the building walkway, is the weapon.
GRENADES
-Location: Little Havana
-Directions: From the highway on the coast, after you pass the bridge to Starfish
Island going north, turn left on the next street. It should be there.
TEAR GAS
-Location: Washington Beach
-Directions: Right behind the police station
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Slot 5 Weapons
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
COLT 45 #1
-Location: Vice Point
-Directions: Coming east from Starfish Island turn left on the first road. Then,
turn right at the first right turn, and follow it around the curve to find it by the
curve.
COLT 45 #2
-Location: Ocean Beach
-Directions: The western most you can go in Ocean Beach, in-between the top 2 docks
on land.
COLT PYTHON
-Location: Little Haiti
-Directions: In the west part, behind the wall in the rear of a building by a red
bridge.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Slot 6 Weapons
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
STUBBY SHOTGUN
-Location: Little Haiti
-Directions: In a hangar, the best way to describe it is northwest in Little Haiti,
through a junkyard into this hangar. Something that helped me is it was were Lance
was taken after he was kidnapped by
Diaz.
SHOTGUN #1
-Location: Washington Beach
-Directions: Right near the beach, on the border of Vice Point
SHOTGUN #2
-Location: Ocean Beach
-Directions: In the mall to the northwest of this area, on the east side of it
SPAZ SHOTGUN
-Location: Escobar International Airport
-Directions: Coming in from Little Havana, using the main road, turn right, follow
that road past the next intersection and look into the lot to the right.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Slot 7 Weapons
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
UZI 9MM #1
-Location: Prawn Island
-Directions: On the porch of the northern most house
UZI 9MM #2
-Location: Downtown
-Directions: Under the stairs at Skumhole Shack
UZI 9MM #3
-Location: Washington Beach
-Directions: Coming from Little Havana Bridge, turn at the second right, and quickly
turn right again. It should be by the next corner you come to on your left.
UZI 9MM #4
-Location: Ocean Beach
-Directions: Behind the Pay N' Spray
INGRAM MAC 10
-Location: Vice Port (GTA3_Addict)
-Directions: The most southeastern corner still by a road.
TEC-9
-Location: Vice Point
-Directions: On the same island as the Colt 45, all the way north on the weird loop
road.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Slot 8 Weapons
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
RUGER
-Location: Vice Point
-Directions: Towards the northern part across from the northern part of the golf
course if you drew a line, on the roof of Elswanko
COLT M4 #1
-Location: Little Haiti
-Directions: From the main highway coming south from Downtown, turn right on the
first road in Little Haiti. Follow it around the curve and at the intersection look
ahead and slightly left to see some shacks. In one of those shacks is the pick-up.
COLT M4 #2
-Location: Little Havana
-Directions: Coming from Starfish Island, turn left then turn right. Follow that
until you are on the edge of Escobar International Airport. It should be around
there.
COLT M4 #3
-Location: Prawn Island
-Directions: Behind the moon lander in Studio B at the Inter
Global Films studio
MINIGUN
-Location: Little Haiti
-Directions: Destroyed Haitian hideout
(Thanks to Aaron1221)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Slot 9 Weapons
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
M60
-Location: Fort Baxter Air Base
-Directions: It is in the right guard tower
FLAMETHROWER #1
-Location: Docks
-Directions: Go all the way southeast in the docks to find it
FLAMETHROWER #2
-Location: Starfish Island
-Directions: In the mansion
ROCKET LAUNCHER
-Location: Little Haiti
-Directions: From Starfish, turn left going into Little Haiti, follow that highway
and turn on the second right. Count the turns from there and turn on the second
left, into a building.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Slot 10 Weapons
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SNIPER RIFLE #1
-Location: Starfish Island
-Directions: In the maze outside the mansion
SNIPER RIFLE #2
-Location: Little Havana
-Directions: The southernmost bridge across from the mainland to the beaches. On
the side of Little Haiti, it is on a ledge around the tollbooth.
PSG-1
-Location: Little Havana
-Directions: Next to the Kaufman Cab billboard by Umberto's Cafe.
(If anyone has any more locations that I missed, please e-mail them to me so I can
get them up.)
-----------------
HEALTH LOCATIONS
-----------------
I don't know how else to organize them, so I will list where they are and some
direction towards them. I don't know the exact location of them, but I will lead
you in the right area. There are 24 health pickups.
~~~~~~~~~
Downtown
~~~~~~~~~
HEALTH ICON #1
Directions/Location: On the dirt bike track
HEALTH ICON #2
Directions/Location: From Prawn Island, go straight and turn left at the second road
and look at that corner.
HEALTH ICON #3
Directions/Location: From #2, turn left and follow that road until it goes left
again, it should be off to the right.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Haiti
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HEALTH ICON #4
Directions/Location: From downtown highway, count off the right turns to number 4,
and a little ways after that on the right, it should be there.
HEALTH ICON #5
Directions/Location: From the highway, turn right on the first one, follow it around
the curve and to the intersection. Take the right road, and turn right, and turn
right again. It should be on the right side.
HEALTH ICON #6
Directions/Location: Same directions as #5, but instead of turning right, keep on
going through the dead end, and it should be around somewhere.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Havana
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HEALTH ICON #7
Directions/Location: From the highway from Little Haiti, count the turns right
including the one in the middle of the two "cities" and turn on the third one, it
should be around somewhere here.
HEALTH ICON #8
Directions/Location: On the highway, go all the way until it splits into the docks,
and go left off the road by the water, it should be on the shore.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Escobar International Airport
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HEALTH ICON #9
Directions/Location: From the main road going into the airport going west, turn
right into the airport, follow the road past the intersection, and look left into
that lot, and it should be there.
~~~~~~
Docks
~~~~~~
HEALTH ICON #10
Directions/Location: Go to the southeastern most part of the map that you can in the
docks.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Starfish Island
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HEALTH ICON #11
Directions/Location: Coming from Little Haiti on the bridge, in the walking area to
the side of the bridge
HEALTH ICON #12
Directions/Location: Inside the mansion
HEALTH ICON #13
Directions/Location: Inside the mansion
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ocean Beach
~~~~~~~~~~~~
HEALTH ICON #14
Directions/Location: Coming from the Little Havana Bridge, after you get into Ocean
Beach and the road curves slightly right, turn off the road to the right.
HEALTH ICON #15
Directions/Location: From the bridge, take the first right. Take another right to
find it by the road.
HEALTH ICON #16
Directions/Location: From the bridge, take the first right, then turn right again.
Follow this road ALL the way around until you are going north along the beach. When
you can see the beach and are going north, turn on the first left.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Washington Beach
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HEALTH ICON #17
Directions/Location: From pick-up number #16, keep on going on the coast road, and
turn on the next left. Turn right into the main alley of Washington Beach that runs
throughout the whole thing. Towards the end of it you will find it, all the way
north.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Vice Point
~~~~~~~~~~~
HEALTH ICON #18
Directions/Location: From the Leaf Links Bridge, turn right on the first road, and
you should find it two streets down.
HEALTH ICON #19
Directions/Location: From the LL Bridge, take the first left, and go past the first
right to find it by the second right.
HEALTH ICON #20
Directions/Location: From #19, go until you get to a cross street. Turn right and
take the first left right away. It should be around there.
HEALTH ICON #21
Directions/Location: From #20, follow that road until you get to a left turn, and it
should be around there.
HEALTH ICON #22
Directions/Location: The northwestern part of North Point Mall.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Leaf Links
~~~~~~~~~~~
HEALTH ICON #23
Directions/Location: From the entrance of Leaf Links, go until you reach the bridges
crossing to the other island of Leaf Links golf course. It should be on the left,
or westernmost bridge.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Prawn Island
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HEALTH ICON #24
Directions/Location: From Vice Point going into Prawn Island, turn at the first
right. When it reaches the peak of its loop, it should be around there.
----------------
ARMOR LOCATIONS
-----------------
Pretty much the same format as health pick-ups. There are a total of
23 armor pick-ups.
~~~~~~~~~
Downtown
~~~~~~~~~
ARMOR ICON #1
Directions/Location: On the dirt bike track
ARMOR ICON #2
Directions/Location: Right to the west of health pick-up #23
ARMOR ICON #3
Directions/Location: From the Little Haiti highway, when you cross into downtown and
you see a small left turn off, look right and it should be there by the water.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Haiti
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ARMOR ICON #4
Directions/Location: From the Little Havana highway coming from downtown turn at the
first right. It is in the upper most corner of Little Haiti, and it isn't a road.
The road you are on sort of points at it until it curves.
ARMOR ICON #5
Directions/Location: From the first right in #4, follow it around the bend until you
get to the fork. Turn left, and look off to your left to find it.
ARMOR ICON #6
Directions/Location: Further down from #5, turn left at the next intersection and
look around there to find it.
ARMOR ICON #7
Directions/Location: From the highway, turn left at the 5th turn. Go past the first
intersection; curve around and look to your right to find it across the next
intersection.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Havana
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ARMOR ICON #8
Directions/Location: From the highway coming from Little Haiti, look for the left
turn, it is the same turn as health icon #7. Right before that turn is this icon.
ARMOR ICON #9
Directions/Location: From armor icon #7 keep going until you get to the end of that
street. Turn left, and when you get to the intersection turn right and follow it
along the sharp curve and when it curves again, look around there to find the icon.
ARMOR ICON #10
Directions/Location: In the upper "lot" of Sunshine Autos
ARMOR ICON #11
Directions/Location: From the entrance of Sunshine Autos, turn right and follow that
road. Turn right at the next intersection and follow that road past a couple of
turns and go with the curve into Escobar.
After the curve, it should be around there.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Escobar International Airport
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ARMOR ICON #12
Directions/Location: From #11, go on the same road and follow it until you reach the
entrance of Fort Baxter Air Base. It should be to the left side of the entrance.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ocean Beach
~~~~~~~~~~~~
ARMOR ICON #13
Directions/Location: From the bridge from Little Havana, stay on that road past the
first right turn to see a building on the right. It is in that building.
ARMOR ICON #14
Directions/Location: From the bridge, turn on the first right and go past three left
turns to find it on the left.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Washington Beach
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ARMOR ICON #15
Directions/Location: From the southern most start of the alley, go one street west
of that. 100 feet away or so it should be around there.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Vice Point
~~~~~~~~~~~
ARMOR ICON #16
Directions/Location: From Starfish Island, on the mini-island that is part of Vice
Point, look left immediately, before the first turn and go there.
ARMOR ICON #17
Directions/Location: Coming on the eastern most road in Vice Point, from Washington
Beach, look at the big building on your right. It is towards the northern most part
of the building.
ARMOR ICON #18
Directions/Location: From #17, keep on going until there is a left turn, which is
actually a loop. In the middle of that loop is the pick-up.
ARMOR ICON #19
Directions/Location: From Prawn Island, as soon as you enter and pass the first
left, look right.
ARMOR ICON #20
Directions/Location: From Prawn Island, turn left on the first road.
Follow it all the way, curving around until you get going south on the road. Right
by the end of the mall, it should be around there in a courtyard.
ARMOR ICON #21
Directions/Location: From # 20, keep going south on that road and count of the right
turns and turn on number five. Go past the intersection and it should be right
around there.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Leaf Links
~~~~~~~~~~~
ARMOR ICON #22
Directions/Location: On the second island that you have a mini-bridge to get onto,
it is towards the northwest part of it on the shore of the part where the water
comes into the land. It is on the western shore of that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Prawn Island
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ARMOR ICON #23
Directions/Location: Coming from Vice Point, turn at the first left. Follow it
around the loop and going right, and when you are going north again a little ways up
is the icon.
-----------------------
POLICE BRIBE LOCATIONS
-----------------------
Again, this is the same as the last two pick-up locations, and there are a total of
only 12 bribes.
~~~~~~~~~
Downtown
~~~~~~~~~
POLICE BRIBE #1
Directions/Location: From the Prawn Island Bridge, go on that road until you can't
anymore. It should be a road going north and south, and turn right. At the next
right turn right again and it should be around there.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Haiti
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
POLICE BRIBE #2
Directions/Location: From the highway, turn right on the first road. Pass the first
turn and it should be around there.
POLICE BRIBE #3
Directions/Location: From the highway, turn on the fourth road to the right. When
you can, turn right again and it should be there.
POLICE BRIBE #4
Directions/Location: Turn at the fourth turn from the highway but stay on the same
road this time and follow it south. Across from the second left turn should be the
icon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Havana
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
POLICE BRIBE #5
Directions/Location: From the highway from Little Haiti, turn at the third right.
Go a little bit past the first right turn to find it.
POLICE BRIBE #6
Directions/Location: In the back of Sunshine Autos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ocean Beach
~~~~~~~~~~~~
POLICE BRIBE #7
Directions/Location: From the Little Havana Bridge going into Ocean Beach, turn
right, left, right, left, and right again. Go until you see a left turn, then look
across from it on the right side of the street.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Washington Beach
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
POLICE BRIBE #8
Directions/Location: In the middle of the alleyway further south from the health
pick-up that is in the alleyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Vice Point
~~~~~~~~~~~
POLICE BRIBE #9
Directions/Location: From Starfish Island, turn left on the first road.
Follow that road past the right and look after some buildings on the right.
POLICE BRIBE #10
Directions/Location: From that road, use the bridge to cross over to mainland and
stay on the road a little ways to find it on the ground.
POLICE BRIBE #11
Directions/Location: From the bridge coming from Leaf Links, turn on the third
left. Then turn on the first left and look across the street when you come to a
dead end to find it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Prawn Island
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
POLICE BRIBE #12
Directions/Location: Coming from Vice Point on the bridge, turn left immediately and
go until it starts turning left. It should be by the water in the southeastern most
corner of Prawn Island
===================
15. Radio Stations
===================
Along with the whole new game, there was a whole new soundtrack added to it. I will
list the Radio Stations and tracks for each radio station. Thanks to www.gta-
vice.cjb.net.
--V-Rock-
-80's Rock Station
-Hosted by Lazlow
Songs
-----
-Twisted Sister
"I Wanna Rock"
-Quiet Riot
"Cum On Feel The Noise"
-Ozzy Osbourne
"Bark At The Moon"
-Iron Maiden
"2 Minutes to Midnight"
-Alcatrazz
"God Bless Video"
-Autograph
"Turn Up The Radio"
-Anthrax
"Madhouse"
-Judas Priest
"You've Got Another Thing Comin'"
-Rockstar's Lovefist
"Fist Fury"
-David Lee Roth
"Yankee Rose"
-Slayer
"Raining Blood"
-Megadeth
"Peace Sells"
-Tesla
"Cumin' Atcha Live"
-Loverboy
"Working for the Weekend"
-Motley Crue
"Too Young to Fall in Love"
-The Cult
"She Sells Sanctuary"
-Rockstar's Lovefist
"Dangerous Bastard"
--Wave 103-
-80's Pop/Rock Station
-Hosted by Adam First
Songs
-----
-Frankie Goes To Hollywood
"Two Tribes"
-Sigue Sigue Sputnik
"Love Missile F-11"
-Gary Numan
"Cars"
-The Human League
"(Keep Feeling)Fascination"
-Blondie
"Atomic"
-Nena
"99 Luftballons"
-Kim Wilde
"Kids In America"
-Tears For Fears
"Pale Shelter"
-Corey Hart
"Sunglasses At Night"
-A Flock of Seagulls
"I Ran(So Far Away)"
-ABC
"Poison Arrow"
-The Psychedelic Furs
"Love My Way"
-Animotion
"Obsession"
-Spandau Ballet
"Gold"
-Thomas Dolby
"Hyperactive!"
-Romeo Void
"Never Say Never"
--Wildstyle
-Rap Station
-Hosted by Frank Silvestro
Songs
-----
-Trouble Funk
"Pump Me Up"
-Davy DMX
"One for the Treble (Vocal Mix)
-Cybotron
"Clear"
-Hashim
"Al-Naafiysh" (The Soul)
-Herbie Hancock
"Looking For The Perfect Beat"
-Afrika Bambaataa & The SoulSonic Force
"Rockit"
-2 Live Crew
"Get it Girl"
-Run DMC
"Rock Box"
-Mantronix
"Bassline"
-Tyrone Brunson
"The Smurf"
-Whodini
"Magic's Wand"
-Zapp & Roger
"More Bounce To The Ounce"
-Grandmaster Flas & The Furious Five
"The Message"
-Man Parrish
"Hip Hop Be Bop (Don't Stop)"
-Kurtis Blow
"The Breaks"
--Emotion 98.3
-80's Love Station
-Hosted by Fernando Martinez
Songs
-----
-Foreigner
"Waiting For A Girl Like You"
-Kate Bush
"Wow"
-Squeeze
"Tempted"
-Reo Speedwagon
"Keep On Loving You"
-Jan Hammer
"Crockett's Theme"
-Cutting Crew
"I Just Died In Your Arms"
-Roxy Music
"More Than This"
-Mr. Mister
"Broken Wings"
-Toto
"Africa"
-John Waite
"Missing You"
-Night Ranger
"Sister Christian"
-Luther Vandross
"Never Too Much"
--------------------------------------
Script
--------------------------------------
(BIG THANKS TO EIFERSUCHT86)
--------------------------------------
A. Opening
--------------------------------------
Female: More moods wings than your pregnant wife, Emotion 98.3
Fernando: Hello, I am Fernando Martinez and this is Emotion. When I first come to
Vice City I feel all lonely, a man on the outside, a foreigner, then I say Fernando,
you like to talk a lot so I get a well paid job on the radio and begin to make my
name as a successful DJ. Now I'm not so lonely, but I never forget my roots, I
never forget, so I always have a soft spot for Foreigner, I've been waiting is next.
--------------------------------------
B. Foreigner-I've Been Waiting (For a Girl Like You)
--------------------------------------
So long, I've been looking too hard, I've been waiting too long
Sometimes I don't know what I will find, I only know it's a matter of time.
When you love someone, when you love someone
It feels so right, so warm and true, I need to know if you feel it too
Maybe I'm wrong, won't you tell me if I'm coming on too strong
This heart of mine has been hurt before, this time I wanna be sure
I've been waiting for a girl like you to come into my life
I've been waiting for a girl like you, your loving will survive
I've been waiting for someone new to make me feel alive
Yeah, waiting for a girl like you to come into my life
You're so good, when we make love it's understood
It's more than a touch or a word can say
Only in dreams could it be this way
When you love someone, yeah, really love someone
Now I know it's right, from the moment I wake up till deep in the night
There's nowhere on earth that I'd rather be than holding you tenderly
I've been waiting for a girl like you to come into my life
I've been waiting for a girl like you, your loving will survive
I've been waiting for someone new to make me feel alive
Yeah, waiting for a girl like you to come into my life
I've been waiting, waiting for you, ooh, I've been waiting
I've been waiting
(I've been waiting for a girl like you, I've been waiting)
Won't you come into my life?
Female: 98.3 the Emotion, We give you emotion 24/7, not just once a month.
--------------------------------------
C. Petstuffers (Commercial)
--------------------------------------
Male: Oh Max, We go everywhere together, right boy?
Female: At Petstuffers we know there's nothing more then a relationship between man
and his dog, sometimes you just can't let go.
Male: Max you didn't eat your food that's the second week in a row, Max.
Female: When the unspeakable happens just put your four-legged friend in the fridge
or freezer, then call Petstuffers. We'll be there within a week to pick him up, and
in less than a month he'll be back good as new. Through and ancient Egyptian
miracle process called Taxidermy, you and your best friend will always be together.
Male: Yea, that's a good dog.
Female: Petstuffers when you just can't let go, and coming soon Grandparents forever.
--------------------------------------
D. Complete the Look (Commercial)
--------------------------------------
Male: Highlighted hair, faint brain-dead look in your eyes, something missing?
(Complete the look)
Complete the look with men's eyeliner at Vice City's one stop shop for people who
are cool when they cry.
Female: Wow, you look ambiguous.
Male: Complete the look.
--------------------------------------
E. Fernando Speaks
--------------------------------------
Fernando: Lets keep on breaking hearts and piring lines listen to me and more of
this. Your on Emotion
--------------------------------------
F. Kate Bush-Wow
--------------------------------------
We're all alone on the stage tonight.
We've been told we're not afraid of you.
We know all our lines so well, uh-huh.
We've said them so many times:
Time and time again,
Line and line again.
Ooh, yeah, you're amazing!
We think you're incredible.
You say we're fantastic,
But still we don't head the bill.
Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Unbelievable!
Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Unbelievable!
When the actor reaches his death,
You know it's not for real. He just holds his breath.
But he always dives too soon, too fast to save himself.
He'll never make the screen.
He'll never make the 'Sweeney',
Be that movie queen.
He's too busy hitting the vaseline.
Ooh, yeah, you're amazing!
We think you are really cool.
We'd give you a part, my love,
But you'd have to play the fool.
Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Unbelievable!
Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Unbelievable!
We're all alone on the stage tonight.
We're all alone,
On the stage,
Tonight.
--------------------------------------
G. Fernando Speaks
--------------------------------------
Fernando: I was losing myself in the music there for a moment, forgive me, it just
hits me so hard sometimes like a massive bit or masionary flying from a high
building, or something, or a truck driving over your foot ya know? Powerful like a
dream you go to work naked. Lets take a break while I recompose myself. Remember
too much emotion is always a good thing.
--------------------------------------
H. Farewell Ranch (Commercial)
--------------------------------------
Male: Howdy partners! It's 4:30 in the morning here at Farewell ranch. And it's time
to get up and work the old cow. Get up ya oaf! At Farewell Ranch, old people don't
sit around stagnating watching game shows and talking about the good old days.
Sinking into the grave with a urine soaked mess. At Farewell Ranch they sweat and
toil until the breaking point. Keep that miserable contemplation of mortality at
bay. Hell, at steering time, we'll work grandpa so hard he'll wish he was dead. At
the end of the day he'll sit down in the blue grass eat a bowl of commemorative
beans and enjoy a sing along at one of our nightly funerals.
It's the cowboys code. Work hard, don't shower and die in your boots. Right Norm?
Norm: Ahh, my prostate!
Male: Farewell Ranch, the only way to ride into the sunset.
--------------------------------------
I. Squeeze-Tempted
--------------------------------------
Female: We express emotion because you can't(Emotion 98.3)
I bought a toothbrush, some toothpaste, a flannel for my face
Pajamas, a hairbrush, new shoes and a case.
I said to my reflection, Let's get out of this place.
Passed the church and the steeple, the laundry on the hill
Billboards and the buildings
Memories of it still keep calling
And calling
But forget it all I know I will
Tempted by the fruit of another
Tempted but the truth is discovered
What's been going on
Now that you have gone
There's no other
Tempted by the fruit of another
Tempted but the truth is discovered
I'm at the carpark, the airport, the baggage carousel
The people keep on grabbing, ain't wishing I was well
I said, "It's no occasion. It's no story I can tell."
At my bedside, empty pocket, a foot without a sock
Your body gets much closer
I fumble for the clock, alarmed by
The seduction
I wish that it would stop
Tempted by the fruit of another
Tempted but the truth is discovered
What's been going on
Now that you have gone there's no other
Tempted by the fruit of another
Tempted but the truth is discovered
I bought a novell, some perfume, a fortune all for you
But it's not my conscience that hates to be untrue.
I asked of my reflection,
Tell me what is there to do?
Tempted by the fruit of another
Tempted but the truth is discovered
What's been going on
Now that you have gone there's no other
Tempted by the fruit of another
Tempted but the truth is discovered
--------------------------------------
J. Fernando Speaks
--------------------------------------
Fernando: I think that song says so much about the Human heart don't you? Or as my
people say Cor Ason. My people make the womans and the cars bounce up and down.
You see love important but so is the action, a real man needs more than one thing in
life, do you know what I'm saying here? The heart and the loins both on fire.
Groaning and straining and making hot dirty passionate encounters with the
secretaries, while the wife she sleeps at home. I know I have been there many
times, your on Emotion, where the heart remains true.
--------------------------------------
K. REO Speedwagon-Keep on Loving You
--------------------------------------
You shoud've seen by the look in my eyes, baby
There was somethin missin
You shoud've known by the tone of my voice, maybe
But you didn't listen
You played dead
But you never bled
Instead you lay still in the grass
All coiled up and hissin
And though I know all about those men
Still I don't remember
Cause it was us baby, way before then
And we're still together
And I meant, every word I said
When I said that I love you I meant
That I love you forever
And I'm gonna keep on lovin you
Cause it's the only thing I wanna do
I don't wanna sleep
I just wanna keep on lovin you
And I meant every word I said
When I said that I love you I meant
That I love you forever
--------------------------------------
L. Fernando Speaks
--------------------------------------
Fernando: Oh, magnificent I play a song for you, tonight you come to Fernando's
night appearance at the club. Fernando play some emotional music, maybe you'll meet
a pretty lady who isn't interested in your long term relationship. But is only in
interested in the passion of life. Maybe even right outside in the parking lot.
Male: (Weeping) Emotion
--------------------------------------
M. Cutting Crew-(I Just)Died in Your Arms Tonight
--------------------------------------
Fernando: Next up we have a beautiful record for you to get in touch with yourself,
Cutting Crew I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight. Must have been something you said
huh?
Oh I, I just died in your arms tonight
It must have been something you said
I just died in your arms tonight
(98.3 the Emotion)
I keep looking for something I can't get
Broken hearts lie all around me
And I don't see an easy way to get out of this
Her diary, it sits by the bedside table
The curtains are closed, the cats in the cradle
Who would've thought that a boy like me could come to this
Oh-oh-oh woh I, I just died in your arms tonight
It must have been something you said
I just died in your arms tonight
Oh-oh-oh woh, oh I, I just died in your arms tonight
It must have been some kinda kiss
I should have walked away, I should have walked away
Is there any just cause for feeling like this
On the surface I'm a name on a list
I try to be discreet but then blow it again
I've lost and found, it's my final mistake
She's loving by proxy, no give and all take
'Cause I've been thrilled to fantasy one too many times
Oh-oh-oh woh I, I just died in your arms tonight
It must have been something you said
I just died in your arms tonight
Woh-oh-oh I, I just died in your arms tonight
It must have been some kinda kiss
I should have walked away, I should have walked away
It was a long hot night
But she made it easy, she made it feel right
But now it's over, the moment has gone
I followed my hands not my head, I know I was wrong
Oh I, I just died in your arms tonight
It must have been something you said
I just died in your arms tonight
Oh I, I just died in your arms tonight(Fernando Singing Along)
It must have been some kinda kiss(Fernando Singing Along)
I should have walked away, I should have walked away
--------------------------------------
N. Fernando Tells a Story
--------------------------------------
Fernando: Let me tell you a story, the other night I was in a nightclub, as usual I
Fernando was surrounded by beautiful women, I could have made love to any number of
them, then this really ugly girl come in. All fat, hairy and ugly and stuff. Like
a big fat cow, all walking on 2 legs ya know? But she had the most beautiful eyes
I ever saw, it was like opening a big dirty crabby shell and finding a beautiful
pearl. Than this record come on. It was very appropriate, I talk to long
Fernando's rating go down, I finish my story luego.
--------------------------------------
O. Roxy Music-More Than This
--------------------------------------
I could feel at the time
There was no way of knowing
Fallen leaves in the night
Who can say where they´re blowing
As free as the wind
And hopefully learning
Why the sea on the tide
Has no way of turning
More than this - there is nothing
More than this - tell me one thing
More than this - there is nothing
It was fun for a while
There was no way of knowing
Like dream in the night
Who can say where we´re going
No care in the world
Maybe I´m learning
Why the sea on the tide
Has no way of turning
More than this - there is nothing
More than this - tell me one thing
More than this - there is nothing
--------------------------------------
P. Fernando Continues His Story
--------------------------------------
Fernando: Everytime, that track breaks my heart anew(Long Pause, Song Continues), so
anyway as I was saying this ugly girl in the nightclub you know? Now of course I
Fernando Martinez did not come home with this chick, as I have a reputation to keep
up, a code, but I could see she was all lonely and stuff, and I feel really bad so I
scour the nightclub, from top to bottom and then I find this snuddy little English
kid Paul or something, standing all alone so I take him over to this ugly girl, I
make them think, I make them talk, I tell them some jokes and soon they are singing,
and they are dancing. And I say Fernando you have a gift my friend, a gift for
romance. I like to see mens' and womans' to get together. People say Fernando use
your gift make money or buy a yacht, maybe a fast car, and I say Fernando is on the
radio that is my gift to Vice City!
Female: Emotion
Fernando: We just going to take a quick break, listen to some commercials and stuff,
don't go away you'll break Fernando's heart.
--------------------------------------
Q. Pastor Richards Salvation Fund
--------------------------------------
Pastor Richards: Do yourself a favor, take both hands off the wheel and touch the
stereo, do you feel the power? Ah yes friend, there's a lot of evil in this world,
but there's also light. And I have been sent to shine a light on all degenerates,
philanerderers, Liberals and other evil doers and expose them for what they really
are. Don't waste your money on unnessacery and corrupting material possessions, give
it to me. There's only one thing that will save you. A highly fortified structure in
the shape of the most powerful thing on the planet, me. Degenerates will ruin this
great city. In my wonderful book I tell of the impending disaster about to befall
this planet, nuclear holocaust, plagues of flying rodents, the seas rising up and
turning yellow. It is coming, it is written by me but you can save yourself.
Contribute to the Pastor Richards Salvation Statue Fund, pick up your telephone call
now, 1-866-9SAVEME
Female: The Emotion
--------------------------------------
R. Pit Bomb
--------------------------------------
Male: The science of evolution has uncovered many of lifes mysteries like tadpoles
or the pyramids. But the mystery of the armpit remains.
What's it for? Why is it hairy? And why do men have nipples? But one thing's for
certain, the armpit smells bad. Luckily there's Pit Bomb.
It's like Napalm for your skin or Agent Orange on your sweat glands.
Pit Bomb stops unwanted bodily functions in their tracks. Its as effective as
sending GIs into a peasant village. When you're fighting the war against personal
hygiene, bring out the heavy artillery.
--------------------------------------
S. Toto-Africa
--------------------------------------
Female: Whatever crusing means to you, here's music to cruise to, Emotion.
Fernando: Wasn't that beautiful? Like a georgeous woman bending over to pick
something up you know? Or a fat girl who suddenly loses a lot of weight. I yi yi.
(Song Starts)Fernando: Vice City is a beautiful town, no? A real special place
filled with hopes and dreams and beautiful and hot women, and men like me. Well not
many men like me. But it is a jungle out there a bit like Africa. You can go out
on a safari in Vice City and get a Rhino if you like. I love all woman, even the
fat ones, though I don't tell anybody about that. The next record's all about
Africa. Toto take it away. I love you.
I hear the drums echoing tonight
But she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation
She's coming in 12:30 flight
The moonlit wings reflect the stars that guide me towards salvation
I stopped an old man along the way
Hoping to find some long forgotten words or ancient melodies
He turned to me as if to say , "Hurry boy, it's waiting there for you"
Chorus:
It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do
I miss the rains down in Africa
Gonna take some time to do the things we never had
The wild dogs cry out in the night
As they grow restless longing for some solitary company
I know that I must do what's right
As sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serangetti
I seek to cure what's deep inside, frightened of this thing that I've become
Chorus: It's gonna take...
Hurry boy, she's waiting there for you
Chorus: It's gonna take
--------------------------------------
T. Mister Mister-Broken Wings
--------------------------------------
Fernando: Welcome back you're on Emotion, Con Amigo Fernando Martinez. (Song
Continues) Stay with me stay with Fernando. Por Favor, Mi amor, sialito, It's like
Fernando say to his ex-wife. I love you please don't leave. It is not what you
think, I was bitten by a snake and the nice lady, she came to suck out the poison.
The story you see no work very well.
Female: The station for laughter and sorrow, heartbreak, and tears and those post
therapy session blues. Emotion 98.3
Fernando: Marvelous, I love that record. It grabs me by the crotch and shakes me
around until I am not sure if I am a man or a woman. Then I remember I am Fernando
Martinez, Mister Fernando Martinez, and this is Mister Mister with Broken Wings.
Baby, don't understand
Why we can't just hold on to each other's hands
This time might be the last I fear
Unless I make it all too clear
I need you so (oh)
Take these Broken Wings
And learn to fly again, learn to live so free
When we hear the voices sing
The book of love will open up and let us in
Take these Broken Wings
Baby, I think tonight
We can take what was wrong and make it right (mmm)
Baby, it's all I know
That you're half of the flesh and blood makes me whole
I need you so
So take these Broken Wings
And learn to fly again
Learn to live so free
When we hear the voices sing
The book of love will open up and let us in (ya ya, let us in, let us in)
Baby, that's all I know
That's you're half of the flesh and blood makes me whole (ya ya ya ya, ya ya)
So take these Broken Wings
And learn to fly again, learn to live so free
When we hear the voices sing
The book of love will open up and let us in
Take these Broken Wings
You got to learn to fly
Learn to live love so free
When we hear the voices sing
The book of love will open up for us and let us in (ya ya, ooh)
--------------------------------------
U. John Waite-Missing You
--------------------------------------
Fernando: Interesting stuff, but not as interesting as what happens when a man and
woman fall passionately in love, or maybe when things go wrong you will need a man
like Fernando, to sort things out, to make things whole and better again. When
your throwing household dishes at each other. When she pulls out the knife, when
the heart and the crotch are not in alignment, you know?
Female: Your prescription for unwanted emotion.(Female Crying) (Emotion)
Everytime I think of you, I always catch my breath
And I'm still standing here, and you're miles away
And I'm wonderin' why you left
And there's a storm that's raging through my frozen heart tonight
I hear your name in certain circles, and it always makes me smile
I spend my time thinkin' about you, and it's almost driving me wild
And there's a heart that's breaking down this long distance line tonight
I ain't missing you at all since you've been gone away
I ain't missing you, no matter what I might say
There's a message in the wire, and I'm sending you this signal tonight
You don't know how desperate I've become
And it looks like I'm losing this fight
In your world I have no meaning, though I'm trying hard to understand
And it's my heart that's breaking down this long distance line tonight
Chorus:
I ain't missing you at all since you've been gone away
I ain't missing you, no matter what my friends say
And there's a message that I'm sending out, like a telegraph to your soul
And if I can't bridge this distance, stop this heartbreak overload
(chorus)
I ain't missing you, I ain't missing you, I can lie to myself
And there's a storm that's raging through my frozen heart tonight
(chorus)
Ain't missing you, I ain't missing you
I ain't missing you, I can lie to myself
Ain't missing you, I ain't missing you
I ain't missing you, I ain't missing you
I ain't missing you, I ain't missing you, ain't missing you, oh no
No matter what my friends might say, I ain't missing you...
--------------------------------------
V. Fernando Speaks
--------------------------------------
Fernando: This is Emotion breaking hearts and saving lives every hour of everyday.
You see I'm your doctor of love, Fernando Martinez except I do not go to medical
school. Fernando knows many languages but I mostly know the language of love. Some
people call the radio station and say "Fernando are you bilingual?" I said I try
anything once. Hope you are having a powerful day! Filled with love and passion
and hot dirty action. You know? Lets take a break. Don't go away please. I'm
begging you.
Male: (Crying) Emotion
--------------------------------------
W. Shady Acres (Commercial)
--------------------------------------
Male: I'm a VIP! And I wanna live around people like myself, rich and divorced.
(Shady Acres)
Avery: I'm Avery Carrington, Shady Acres is incredible upscale, state of the art,
top notch condominium development (Condo) A short drive out of town on some
christine wetlands. Away from the north and uninvited diversity of the city! (Shady
Acres) And when you buy into that dream that is Shady Acres, not only do you get a
luxuriest 5 thousand square foot condo with underground parking for your newly
acquired sports car, but there's also a jacuzzi for entertainment. (Jacuzzi) Each
condo is tastefully furnished with a stock bar and a exotic water bed shaped like a
dollar sign. Shady Acres also has a golf range, firing range, heli-pad and exotic
petting zoo when your kids come to visit. (Shady Acres) You're successful! Start
defining your life style, start defining yourself!
Females: Shady Acres
Avery: Shady Acres, happiness is worth the price! (Shady Acres)
--------------------------------------
X. Jan Hammer-Crockett's Theme
--------------------------------------
(Song Starts)
Female: Emotion
Fernando: Have you noticed how popular synthesizers are getting? It's not the same
as a lonely man with a pony tail, singing of his love on a guitar. At the door of
his hermes hacienda. But it is not far short. See what you think of mister Jan
Hammer.
This song is only an instrumental. Therefore there are no lyrics.
(After song)
Fernando: Oh that was magnificent like a beautiful woman or a group of ugly despite
ones. You know the kind anyone can get a hold of. Even if your a little slow and
take special classes. Your listening to Fernando Martinez on Emotion. You remember
it's a good thing to feel the emotion but don't have too much emotion you might get
an order of protection against you.
Female: 98.3 Emotion
Fernando: Fernando is feeling very emotional right now, so we need to take a break.
--------------------------------------
Y. Musty Pines(Commercial)
--------------------------------------
Female: Are you tired of your couches getting ruined?
Male: Oh grandpa.
Grandpa: I made tinkles again!
Male: If you've got old people cluttering up your home. Why not send them to Musty
Pines? We'll help bring back dignity and we promise it'll be the best three months
of their lives. They'll enjoy bingo, complaining, mumbling incoherently, skinny-
dipping and organ donation. And once a month it's our famous lucky dip medication
switching night. Musty Pines is located at a luxurious location overlooking Vice
City's state of the art sanitation facilities. You can still visit your old people,
but now you have the comfort of knowing you don't have to. After they pass on to
something better, guaranteed in three months or less, you can start enjoying their
money. Finally, you can have quality family time again. Musty Pines, now you don't
have to say goodbye. Drive through service also available.
--------------------------------------
Z. Night Ranger-Sister Christian
--------------------------------------
Fernando: This is Emotion lets keep on with the power, this track will break your
heart. It's the power of music.(Song Starts)
Fernando: Oh magnificent!
Female: Emotion
Fernando: I touch myself.
Sister Christian, oh the time has come
And you know that you're the only one to say, OK
Where you goin', what you looking for
You know those boys don't want to play no more with you
It's true
{Refrain}
You're motoring
What's your price for flight
In finding Mister Right
You'll be all right tonight
Babe, you know you're growing up so fast
And momma's worrying that you won't last to say, let's play
Sister Christian, there's so much in life
Don't you give it up before your time is due
It's true, it's true, yeah
You're motoring
What's your price for flight
You've got him in your sights
And driving through the night
{Refrain twice}
Sister Christian, oh the time has come
And you know that you're the only one to say, OK
But you're motoring
Yeah, motoring
Fernado: Really interesting I think, what about you? Do you like that one does it
make you tremble and quiver and groan and feel alive? I play the music that makes
the people feel touched. Don't go away.
--------------------------------------
AA. Domesto-bot (Commercial)
--------------------------------------
Male: Ever since Linda started working, our kids are home alone.
Linda: We tried hiring a nanny but she wanted health insurance.
Male: Yeah right, thats when we got Domesto-bot. He's great with the kids.
Domesto-bot: Mrs Lorris, Tommy has some skin magazines under the bed.
Linda: And he helps us too.
Domesto-bot: Would you like your drink portioned?
Male: He's a great conversation piece at our special parties.
Domesto-bot: Please move your car keys and the fun will begin.
Linda: It's like having a personalized alarm clock.
Domesto-bot: I've brought you a drink.
Male: Ah, it's eight in the morning!
Domesto-bot: I made it a double.
Linda: Ah Domesto-bot.
Male #2: Domesto-bot, he's three foot high, he only says ten phrases, he's the
friend you've always dreamed of, order Domesto-bot today.
--------------------------------------
BB. Fernando's Medallion Man (Commercial)
--------------------------------------
Fernando: Hello, I am Fernando Martinez, I think by now you know I am an emotional
kind of guy. People stop me in the street and say, Fernando what the hell is wrong
with me? Silk-shirt, hairy chest, enough aftershave to drown a household pet, but I
still cannot get a woman. And I tell them, you are an ignorant fool. Without the
symbol of power and fertility around your neck, What kind of woman is going to
respect you? That's why I've teamed up with Medallion Man, the shop for medallion
needs. Medallion Man caters to all levels of masculinity, for the strong silent type
a medallion the size of a hub cap will say everything that needs to be said. Even
singing medallions for the Casanova who knows music is the food of love. My old
drains, thal houses, diapers, whatever your interest, we've got the medallion for
you. Don't forget, every woman knows, if you can't support a medallion, you can't
support a family.
--------------------------------------
CC. Luther Vandross-Never Too Much
--------------------------------------
I can't fool myself, I don't want nobody else to ever love me
You are my shinin' star, my guiding light, my love fantasy
There's not a minute, hour, day or night that I don't love you
You're at the top of my list because I'm always thinkin' of you
I still remember in the days when I scared to touch you
How I spent my day dreamin' plannin' how to say I love you
You must have known that I had feelings deep enough to swim in
That's when you opened up your heart and you told me to come in
Oh, my love
A thousand kisses from you is never too much
I just don't wanna stop
Oh, my love
A million days in your arms is never too much
I just don't wanna stop
Too much, never too much, never too much, never too much
Woke up today, looked at your picture just to get me started
I called you up, but you weren't there and I was broken hearted
Hung up the phone, can't be too late, the boss is so demandin'
Opened the door up and to my surprise there you were standin'
Well, who needs to go to work to hustle for another dollar
I'd rather be with you because you make my heart scream and holler
Love is a gamble and I'm so glad that I'm winnin'
We've come a long way and yet this is only the beginnin'
Oh, my love
A thousand kisses from you is never too much
(Never too much, never too much, never too much)
I just don't wanna stop
Oh, my love
A million days in your arms is never too much
(Never too much, never too much, never too much)
And I just don't wanna stop
Oh, my love
A thousand kisses from you is never
(Never too much, never too much, never too much)
I just don't wanna stop
Oh, my love
A million days in your arms is never too much
--------------------------------------
DD. Thor's Norse Power Program(Commercial)
--------------------------------------
Male: For thousands of years Americans have looked for answer to life's difficult
questions. Now, millions of people just like you are finding answers and taking
charge of there lives. Through the original, patented and proven program of
Valhalla's finest deity, Thor.
Thor: Treasure awaits you but beware of your woman folk treatury is deep within
her. By the coming of spring she shall be no more.
Female: Thor changed my life.
Male: Author of two bestselling self help books translated from the original runic
into 25 languages, Thor has helped millions realize their dreams.
Thor: Beware of the trap set by the frost giants, carry your magic hammer.(Crowd
Cheers)
Male: Available on record or cassette the personal Norse power program looks to the
myths of the Vikings for answers.
Female: Can you give my husband an ounce of advice to help keep things hot in the
bedroom?
Thor: Take a longboat with 20 of your finest men, head to where the sun sets, there
you will find a village, pillage thunder and burn all that you find!
Male: And if you order now, you'll receive Thor's subliminal tape series. So you
gain wisdom of the Gods while sleeping.
Male #2: Accept the crystal cup at the feast beware of the dwarf.
Male: Thor's personal Norse power program, call now 866-PILLAGE. That's 866-PILLAGE
--------------------------------------
EE.BJ Smith's Fit For Football(Commercial)
--------------------------------------
BJ Smith: Hi, I'm BJ Smith. In my long and illustrious three year career at the top
of pro football. I whooped some serious ass and got paid for it. They didn't call
me death in tight pants for nothing. When you've had such a rewarding career
maiming others as I have, you know how to stay fit. Through running, wrestling,
stuffing 20s down panties of foxy strippers, firearm training, an in days swoop and
beating the hell out of your fellow man. That's what keeps me healthy. And now,
using training methods, I perfected. It's going to work for you with BJ's Fit for
Football. Watch those pounds fall off. I'm down to 300 pounds using exactly the
method I demonstrated on tape. I mean, who are you gonna trust to get fit? A man who
can rip your arm off and beat you in, or an aerobics instructor who wouldnt get
drafted by the local hopscotch team? Hell no, BJ's Fit for Football, out now on Beta
and VHS. Remember to win in a game of football, or life, you have to annihilate
everything in your path in a blind rage.
--Flash FM
-Classic 80's Station
-Hosted by Toni (From GTA3)
Songs
-----
-Hall & Oates
"Out Of Touch"
-Wang Chung
"Dance Hall Days"
-Michael Jackson
"Billie Jean"
-Laura Branigan
"Self Control"
-Go West
"Call Me"
-Inxs
"Kiss The Dirt" (Falling Down the Mountain)
-Bryan Adams
"Run To You"
-Electric Light Orchestra
"Four Little Diamonds"
-Yes
"Owner Of A Lonely Heart"
-The Buggles
"Video Killed The Radio Star"
-Aneka
"Japanese Boy"
-Talk Talk
"Life's What You Make It"
-The Outfield
"Your Love"
-Joe Jackson
"Stepping Out"
-The Fixx
"One Things Leads to Another"
-Wildstyle Pirate Radio
-80's Rap Station
-Hosted by Mr. Magic
-Lionel Richie
"Running With The Night"
==========
4. Script
==========
(BIG THANKS TO ELEMENTX)
a) Toni: Yoo-hoo it's Toni right here on Flash, your hot source for hot flashy hits.
When these guys are done with me I'd walk like an Egyptian.. Or a Cowboy.
----------
Announcer: Flash FM
----------------------------------
b) Yes - Owner Of A Lonely Heart //
----------------------------------
Move yourself
You always live your life
Never thinking of the future
Prove yourself
You are the move you make
Take your chances win or loser
See yourself
You are the steps you take
You and you and that's the only way
Shake - shake yourself
You're every move you make
So the story goes
Owner of a lonely heart
Owner of a lonely heart
Much better than a Owner of a broken heart
Owner of a lonely heart
Say you don't want to chance it
You've been hurt so before
Watch it now
The eagle in the sky
How hes dancin' one and only
You - lose yourself
No not for pity's sake
There's no real reason to be lonely
Be yourself
Give your free will a chance
You've got to want to succeed
Owner of a lonely heart
Owner of a lonely heart
Much better than a Owner of a broken heart
Owner of a lonely heart
Owner of a lonely heart
After my own decision
They confused me so - Owner of a lonely heart
My love said never question your will at all
In the end you've got to go
Look before you leap - Owner of a lonely heart
And don't you hesitate at all - no no
Owner of a lonely heart
Owner of a lonely heart
Much better than a Owner of a broken heart
Owner of a lonely heart
Owner of a lonely heart...
---------
c) Toni: Wooooooww! It's Flash FM. I like ya huge and Flashy...Flashy flashy...Flash
flash. Hmm...It's Flash FM.
-----------------------------
d) Sissy Sprits commercial //
-----------------------------
Singing: higher..!
Man: The key to feeling great is looking great, and the way to look great is to have
great hair. Thats great.
Singing: Take your hair higher! Take your hair to the limits!
Man: Use Sissy Sprits when your clubbing or sticking your head out of a stretch limo
sunroof you want to know your hair is performing to the limits.
Singing: Higher! Gonna get higher than the sky!
Man: With Sissy Sprits, its hair for the future not the past. When you have great
hair people know you're a winner.
Singing: ..Gonna fly on my own hair tonight!
Man: Sissy Sprits may cause dry mouth, dilated pupils, paranoia, heart palpitations
and nose bleeds but your hair will be great.
----------
Announcer: Crazy people love to Flash
-----------------------------------------------
e) The Buggles - Video Killed the Radio Star //
-----------------------------------------------
I heard you on the wireless back in Fifty-Two
Lying awake intent at tuning in on you
If I was young it didn't stop you coming through
Oh-a oh
They took the credit for your second symphony
Rewritten by machine and new technology,
and now I understand the problems you can see
Oh-a oh
I met your children
Oh-a oh
What did you tell them?
Video killed the radio star
Video killed the radio star
Pictures came and broke your heart
Oh-a-a-a oh
And now we meet in an abandoned studio
We hear the playback and it seems so long ago
And you remember how the jingles used to go
Oh-a oh
You were the first one
Oh-a oh
You were the last one
Video killed the radio star
Video killed the radio star
In my mind and in my car, we can't rewind we've gone to far
Oh-a-aho oh
Oh-a-aho oh
Video killed the radio star
Video killed the radio star
In my mind and in my car, we can't rewind we've gone to far
Pictures came and broke your heart, put the blame on VTR
You are a radio star
You are a radio star
Video killed the radio star
Video killed the radio star
Video killed the radio star
Video killed the radio star
Video killed the radio star
You are a radio star..
----------
Announcer: Flash FM..
--------------------------
f) Aneka - Japanese Boy //
--------------------------
He said that he loved me
never would go
oh oh
oh oh
Now I find I'm sitting here on my own
oh oh
oh oh
Was it something I've said or done
That made him pack his bags up and run?
Could it be another he's found
It's breaking up the happy home
Mister
can you tell me where my love has gone?
He's a Japanese boy
I woke up one morning and my love was gone
Oh
my Japanese boy
ooh
I miss my Japanese boy
People ask about him every day
oh oh
oh oh
Don't know what to tell them
what can I say? Oh oh
oh
If only he would write me or call
A word of explanation
that's all
It would stop me climbing the wall
It's breaking up the happy home
Mister can you tell me where my love has gone?
Was it something I've said or done
That made him pack his bags up and run?
Mister can you tell me where my love has gone?
He's a Japanese boy
I woke up once morning and my love was gone
----------
g) Toni: Now thats what I call a record for young people. I mean, don't you just
hate old people who try to be trendy? I mean isn't it just the worst thing
imaginable? I'll give you a story about that after this..
---------------------------
h) Degenatron commercial //
---------------------------
Man: Are ya tired of dad?
Boy: Dad, no-one wants to hear your stupid Vietnam stories!
Man: Are ya tired of mom?
Mom: Hi angel, do you want to read a book or go outside?
Boy: Nooo!
Background: Degenatron!
Man: The arcade comes to your living room, only without the creepy guys offering to
show you puppies.
Kids: Awesome!
Man: The degenatron, you can play video games just like you are in the Arcade.
Kids: Excellent!
Background: Degenatron!
Man: The degenatron gaming system plays three exciting games including Defender of
the Faith, where you save the green dots with your fantastic flying red square.
Kids: Cool!
Man: Monkey's Paradise, where you swing from green dot to green dot with your red
square monkey.
Kids: That's rad!
Man: And Penetrator, where you smash the green dots deep inside the mysterious red
square.
Kids: Wow!
Man: The Degenatron brings arcade realism to your living room. It can even take
quarters and a strange sweaty man comes by to empty the machine on Fridays.
Background: Degenatron!
Man: Degenatron, fighting the evil of boredom.
Kids: I'll never go to school again!
Background: Degenatron!
----------
(Music plays)
Announcer: Like a creature of the night. It's Flash FM.
----------
i) Toni: What was I saying? Oh...oh yeah yeah yeah, old people. Go back where you
came from. I was at this party the other night, where a really famous British band -
now I can't say who, but lets just say that hair spray and Sissy Sprits were
definitely an attendance. So right, there was this old cow. I mean she was OLD! Must
have been like 30. At least. Which is what, 100 in cow years. At any rate, she was
really annoying the band, by throwing herself at them. I mean.. GEEZ! By the time
Im thirty Id be doing something REALLY important.
-----------------------------------------
j) Talk Talk - Life's what you make it //
-----------------------------------------
Baby, life's what you make it
Can't escape it
Baby, yesterday's favourite
Don't you hate it
Baby, life's what you make it
Don't back date it
Baby, don't try to shade it
Beauty is naked
Baby, Life's what you make it
Celebrate it
Anticipate it
Yesterday's faded
Nothing can change it
Life's what you make it
----------
k) Toni: Ya know, I just love pop music. I really do, It's what makes us different
from hippies.. Other than the long hair and the smell. (music plays in background)
and Sissy sprits of course. You've gotta be careful with that stuff. I was dancing
with my lighter and my hair went up like a Christmas tree.
------------------------------
l) The Outfield - Your Love //
------------------------------
Josie's on a vacation far away
Come around and talk it over
So many things that I want to say
You know I like my girls a little bit older
I just wanna use your love tonight
I don't wanna lose your love tonight
I ain't got many friends left to talk to
No-one's around when I'm in trouble
You know I'd do anything for you
Stay the night we'll keep it under cover
I just wanna use your love tonight
I don't wanna lose your love tonight
Try to stop my hands from shakin'
Somethin' in my mind's not makin' sense
It's been awhile since we've been all alone
I can't hide the way I'm feelin'
As you leave me please would you close the door
and forget what I told you
Just 'cause you're right that don't mean I'm wrong
Another shoulder to cry upon
I just wanna use your love tonight
I don't wanna lose your love tonight
Yeah
I just wanna use your love tonight
I don't wanna lose your love tonight
Lose your love Lose your love
Lose your love
---------------------
m) Blox commercial //
---------------------
(Man screaming)
Man: Germs are running scared.
Last Year communists killed 34 hard working Americans, but germs kill over 25
million people. Your home much like America is constantly under attack from germs.
And we all know what germs cause; Dyslexia and Leprosy. Thank goodness there's blox.
Man: Blox sends germs running like refugees, just add a few tablespoons to your
childs bath, and put them in the tub. (Child starts crying) Presto! That tingly
sensation is germs dying. Now your child has rosy red skin and is 100% germ free.
Now that means little Jimmy won't catch a cold or ask difficult questions about
reproduction. It's even great for Rover's breath. (Dog starts whining) Now we sleep
peacefully, free from germs. Blox is endorsed by the society for cleaner America. It
uses a patented formula produced by the Pentagon for use in the field, now it's
available for use in the home.
Chanting in background: Blox Blox Blox Blox!
Man: Some germs hate acid, some germs hate bleach, Blox kills indiscriminately.
--------------------------
n) Laura Ingalls Wilder //
--------------------------
Woman: What's this I found under your bed? The only Engels you're going to be
reading is Laura Ingalls Wilder.
Man: If you think your child might be a red? Here are some warning signs: They read
complicated literature and have concern for their fellow man. They even like to
share. Tell your kids that if someone approaches them with pamphlets about
recycling, an invitation to a labour rally or show any doubts about the fairness of
our system then they should find a teacher or a policeman immediately.
----------
Announcer: Flash FM. We tell you what's good. Then we pl(Strange noises)ay it 'til
you like it.
--------------------------------
o) Joe Jackson - Stepping out //
--------------------------------
Now
The mist across the window hides the lines
But nothing hides the colour of the lights that shine
Electricity so fine
Look and dry your eyes
We
So tired of all the darkness in our lives
With no more angry words to say
Can come alive
Get into a car and drive
To the other side
Me babe, steppin out
Into the night
Into the light
You babe, steppin out
Into the night
Into the light
We
Are young but getting old before our time
We'll leave the T.V. and the radio behind
Don't you wonder what we'll find
Steppin out tonight
You
Can dress in pink and blue just like a child
And in a yellow taxi turn to me and smile
We'll be there in just a while
If you follow me
Me babe, steppin out
Into the night
Into the light
You babe, steppin out
Into the night
Into the light
----------
p) Toni: This' Toni and you're on Flash, where we play nothing but the best pop
music, all day, every day until the end of time. Which could be tomorrow, so live
like it's forever, today.
----------
Announcer: Commercials; Bad, Music; good. Flash FM, now with zero commercials.
Please help support Flash FM. Send your donations today.
----------
q) Toni: Lets have another record, you're on Flash and I'm flashing ya baby...The
girls are out.
-------------------------------------------
r) The Fixx - One Thing Leads To Another //
-------------------------------------------
The deception with tact, just what are you trying to say?
You've got a blank face, which irritates
Communicate, pull out your party piece
You see dimensions in two
State your case with black or white
But when one little cross leads to shots, grit your teeth
You run for cover so discreet, why don't they
Do what they say, say what you mean
One thing leads to another
You told me something wrong, I know I listen too long
But then one thing leads to another.
The impression that you sell
Passes in and out like a scent
But the long face that you see comes from living close
To your fears
If this is up then I'm up but you're running out of sight
You've seen your name on the walls
And when one little bump leads to shock miss a beat
You run for cover and there's heat, why don't they:
Do what they say, say what they mean
One thing leads to another
You told me something wrong, I know I listen too long
But then one thing leads to another
One thing leads to another
Then it's easy to believe
Somebody's been lying to me
But when the wrong word goes in the right ear
I know you've been lying to me
It's getting rough, off the cuff I've got to say enough's enough
Bigger the harder he falls
But when the wrong antidote is like a bulge on the throat
You runs for cover in the heat why don't they
----------
s) Toni: What a band, What a song. We're gonna take a break. Don't go away, don't go
anywhere. If you're leaving the house, stay at home and listen to more Flash.
----------
Announcer: If it's popular, we do it. Flash FM, totally awesome.
-----------------------------
t) Giggle cream commercial //
-----------------------------
Singers: Gi-gi gi-gi Giggle Cream! Wa-wa wa-wa-wa-wa wa wa-wa
wa-wa That's the sound I love
Man: Stop the morning, you make my night
Female: With Giggle Cream with everything, you make life bright
Man: Getting tired of my faith, laughing and getting high
Female: With giggle cream, get the feeling, and what's more fun
than that?
Singers: Gi-gi-gi-gi-gi With giggle Wa-wa wa-wa-wa-wa wa wa-wa
wa-wa That's the sound I love
Man: Giggle cream! it makes desert funny!
----------
u) (Music plays)
Toni: Welcome back to Flash FM. I'm Toni and this' the number one station in south
of Florida, from the beach all the way up to the swamps. We only play the hits
because thats what you like best.
--------------------------------------------
v) Lionel Richie - Running With The Night //
--------------------------------------------
The heart of the city street was beating
Light from the neons turned the dark to day
We were too hot to think of sleeping
We had to get out before the magic got away
We were running with the night
Playing in the shadows
Just you and I,
'til the morning light
We were running,
running with the night
You were looking so good girl,
heads were turning
You and me on the town ooh,
we let it all hang out
The fire was in us,
we were burning
We were gonna go all the way and we never had a doubt
We were running with the night
Playing in the shadows
Just you and I, 'til the morning light
We were running,
running with the night
We were so in love you and me
On the boulevard wild and free
Giving all we got, we laid it down
Taking every shot, we took the town
We were running with the night
Playing in the shadows
Just you and I, girl it was so right, so right
We were running
Oh
running with the night
----------
Announcer: If you have acne, you'll love Flash. Flash FM (echoes)
----------
w) Toni: ..Show me what you got (giggles)
----------
Announcer: If nobody understands you, we do. Flash FM, music for the me
generation.
------------------------------------
x) Halls And Oates - Out Of Touch //
------------------------------------
Shake it up is all that we know
Using the bodies up as we go
Waking up to fantasy
The shates all around aren't the colours we used to see
Broken ice still melts in the sun
And times that are broken can often be one again
We're soul alone
And soul really matters to me
Take a look around
You're out of touch
I'm out of time
But I'm out of my head when you're not around
Reaching out for something to hold
Looking for a love where the climate is cold
Manic moves and drowsy dreams
Or living in the middle between the two extremes
Smoking guns hot to the touch
Would cool down if we didn't use them so much
We're soul alone
And soul really matters to me
Too much
----------
y) Toni: Remember to listen all day like, even when your sleeping. We're gonna be
giving away the Flash fantasy giveaway. Where you and a stranger will fly to see a
concert in Idaho or Nebraska or.. Indiana.. oh who pays attention to the mid-west
anyway.
--------------------------------------------
z) Rusty Browns ring donuts commercial //
--------------------------------------------
Male: How do you like to enjoy a Rusty Brown's Ring Donut?
Male #2: I like to lick lovingly around the outside and then thrust my tongue in the
middle.
Female: I like to munch it vigourously.
Male #3: I just love the batter. All over my face.
Male #4: On Friday nights I just can't stop eating Rusty Brown's Ring Donuts.
Female: Oh my god, it's so good.
Male #5: Sometimes I like to wear women's panties and walk around 5th Street.
Male: When you go Downtown, make sure you enjoy Rusty Brown's Ring Donuts.
----------
----------------------------------
aa) Knife after dark commercial //
----------------------------------
Man: He was just the boy next door.
Old Man: Well hello there Danny! I didnt know it was hockey season.
Boy: Hey can I borrow a knife!?
Man: A deadly curse, a deranged killer, a small town in tears! Knife
After Dark rated R for Retarded.
----------
bb) Toni: Hey listen up now, this one goes out to the team at Rusty Browns ring
donuts. Here's another track fresh out of the oven.. Fresh outta my oven. Here's
some Wang Chung for you boys.
-----------------------------------
cc) Wang Chung - Dance Hall Days //
-----------------------------------
Take your baby by the hand
And make her do a high handstand
And take your baby by the heel
And do the next thing that you feel
We were so in phase
in our dance hall days
We were cool on craze
When all you and everyone we knew
Could believe, do, and share in what was true
Dance hall days love
Take your baby by the hair
And pull her close and there, there, there
And take your baby by the ears
And play upon her darkest fears
We were so in phase
in our dance hall days
We were cool on craze
When all you and everyone we knew
Could believe, do, and share in what was true
Dance hall days love
Dance hall days
Dance hall days love
Take your baby by the wrist
And in her mouth an amethyst
And in her eyes two sapphires blue
And you need her and she needs you
And you need her and she needs you
And you need her and she needs you
And you need her and she needs you
And you need her and she needs you
We were so in phase
in our dance hall days
We were cool on craze
When all you and everyone we knew
Could believe, do, and share in what was true
Dance hall days love
Dance hall days love
Dance hall days
Dance hall days love
Dance hall days
Dance hall days love
Dance hall days
Dance hall days love...
----------
Toni: Flash
----------
Announcer: Flash FM
----------
dd) Toni: I love to get Flashed. The real action is right here baby on Flash with
me, Toni, the hottest thing to hit the radio since.. music.
----------
Announcer: Now if it's totally tubular, rad or awesome. It's on Flash FM.
----------
ee) Toni: Here's a record thats been number one..heh.. for as long as we say so.
------------------------------------
ff) Michael Jackson - Billie Jean //
------------------------------------
She Was More Like A Beauty Queen From A Movie Scene
I Said Don't Mind, But What Do You Mean I Am The One
Who Will Dance On The Floor In The Round
She Said I Am The One Who Will Dance On The Floor In The Round
She Told Me Her Name Was Billie Jean, As She Caused A Scene
Then Every Head Turned With Eyes That Dreamed Of Being The One
Who Will Dance On The Floor In The Round
People Always Told Me Be Careful Of What You Do
And Don't Go Around Breaking Young Girls' Hearts
And Mother Always Told Me Be Careful Of Who You Love
And Be Careful Of What You Do 'Cause The Lie Becomes The Truth
Billie Jean Is Not My Lover
She's Just A Girl Who Claims That I Am The One
But The Kid Is Not My Son
She Says I Am The One, But The Kid Is Not My Son
For Forty Days And Forty Nights
The Law Was On Her Side
But Who Can Stand When She's In Demand
Her Schemes And Plans
'Cause We Danced On The Floor In The Round
So Take My Strong Advice, Just Remember To Always Think Twice
(Do Think Twice)
She Told My Baby That's A Threat
As She Looked At Me
Then Showed A Photo Of A Baby Cries
Eyes Would Like Mine
Go On Dance On The Floor In The Round, Baby
People Always Told Me Be Careful Of What You Do
And Don't Go Around Breaking Young Girls' Hearts
She Came And Stood Right By Me
Then The Smell Of Sweet Perfume
This Happened Much Too Soon
She Called Me To Her Room
Billie Jean Is Not My Lover
She's Just A Girl Who Claims That I Am The One
But The Kid Is Not My Son
Billie Jean Is Not My Lover
She's Just A Girl Who Claims That I Am The One
But The Kid Is Not My Son
She Says I Am The One, But The Kid Is Not My Son
She Says I Am The One, But The Kid Is Not My Son
Billie Jean Is Not My Lover
She's Just A Girl Who Claims That I Am The One
But The Kid Is Not My Son
She Says I Am The One, But The Kid Is Not My Son
She Says I Am The One, She Says He Is My Son
She Says I Am The One
Billie Jean Is Not My Lover
Billie Jean Is Not My Lover..
----------
gg) Toni: That was hot like leather seats on a 100 degree day. That's fahrenheight,
not Celsius. But it is BOILING IN HERE! I'm taking it off to this next track. It is
hot baby. You know what it takes to make a great record and so does Laura Branigan.
------------------------------------
hh) Laura Branigan - Self Control //
------------------------------------
Oh, the night is my world
City light painted girl
In the day nothing matters
It's the night time that flatters
In the night, no control
Through the wall something's breaking
Wearing white as you're walkin'
Down the street of my soul
You take my self, you take my self control
You got me livin' only for the night
Before the morning comes, the story's told
You take my self, you take my self control
Another night, another day goes by
I never stop myself to wonder why
You help me to forget to play my role
You take my self, you take my self control
I, I live among the creatures of the night
I haven't got the will to try and fight
Against a new tomorrow, so I guess I'll just believe it
That tomorrow never comes
A safe night, I'm living in the forest of my dream
I know the night is not as it would seem
I must believe in something, so I'll make myself believe it
That this night will never go
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh
Oh, the night is my world
City light painted girl
In the day nothing matters
It's the night time that flatters
I, I live among the creatures of the night
I haven't got the will to try and fight
Against a new tomorrow, so I guess I'll just believe it
That tomorrow never knows
A safe night, I'm living in the forest of a dream
I know the night is not as it would seem
I must believe in something, so I'll make myself believe it
That this night will never go
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh
You take my self, you take my self control..
----------
ii) Toni: It's a little self control, you show me yours I'll show you mine, It's
Flash FM.
-----------------------------------
jj) Complete the look commercial //
-----------------------------------
Male: 65 bracelets. Dirty street trash clothing. Something missing?
Female: Complete the look!
Male: Complete the look with a single hand fingerless lacey glove at Vice Citys one
stop shop for people who know underwear should be worn on the outside.
Female: Wow! You look trendy!
Male: Complete the look
Female: Complete the look!
----------
------------------
kk) Synth & Son //
------------------
Male: We have some sad news for you, Rock & Roll is dead, and pop is in! Why not
discover the excitement of the science of music yourself, and Synths & Son the home
of keyboards! Thanks to the science of music, you don't need musical talent to make
great music. Just listen (makes sound) I created that, just by pressing a button.
Synthesizers are the new way! Why work hard on difficult compositions, when a
machine can make music better than you've ever dreamed of? You'll be the hit of the
party! It's perfect for in-restaurant entertainment, cover bands and funerals.
Make fuse funky, and death marches danceable! It's the science of music at Synth &
Son. Remember - you don't know your a great musician, until you try!
----------
ll) Toni: Toni here feeling fine going double time thats my rhyme. Sticks and stones
may break my bones but when you go west, you gotta call me.
------------------------
mm) Go West - Call Me //
------------------------
Face to face
My reflection in your eyes
I was scared to say too much
Perfect strangers in perfect worlds apart
Almost close enough to touch
Staring at my shoes
Feeling so confused
Shot down without a gun
Victim of a hit and run
Won't you...
Call me, call me
No time to hesitate, we must communicate
Call me, call me
Won't you call this number now
Mesmerised
I go back to where we met
A reconstruction of the crime
I can't track you down
Nowhere to be found
Now my one shot at success
Is the power of the press
Won't you...
Call me, call me
No time to hesitate, we must communicate
Call me, call me
Won't you call this number now
Worlds apart, we are worlds apart
Watch this space
There's a message here for you
No need to read between the lines
I am inside out
There can be no doubt
I want you and no-one else
Please identify yourself
Call me, call me
No time to hesitate, we must communicate
Call me, call me
Won't you call this number now
----------
nn) Toni: Flash FM. If it's number one your gonna hear it all day baby! God that is
so totally awesome. Someone just called in asking me if this was Musty Pines and I'm
like.. For Sure. These songs never get old. Heres one for the high school prom. Gag
me with a spoon, and I mean that in a good way.
-------------------------------------------------------
oo) Inxs - Kiss The Dirt (Falling Down The Mountain) //
-------------------------------------------------------
Playing in the dirt
We find the seeds of doubt
Don't water them with your tears
Don't think about all the years
You'd rather be without
Eden let's me in
I find the seeds of love
And climb upon the highwire
I kiss and tell all my fears
Falling down the mountain
End up kissing dirt
Look a little closer
Sometimes it wouldn't hurt
Playing in the dirt
We find the seeds of fun
And we scream like alleycats
Tearing down what we attack
To prove that we are one
Cutting through the night
And we find the seeds of lust
And loose our minds on one intent
These passions never seem to end
----------
pp) Toni: Man, I just caught a glimpse of myself and my hair looks damn good. I'm
going Sissy Sprits more often. Look at me go.
----------
Announcer: Flash FM
----------------------------------
qq) Just the Five of us commercial //
----------------------------------
Speaker: This Friday night it's the incredible sitcom that's captured America's
hearts and given the whole country a new catchphrase.
Timmy: But I'm 42!
Speaker: Just the Five of Us! After a mix up at the adoption agency the
Chesterfields came home with three zany new houseguests.
Dad: Timmy, tidy your room and go to bed.
Jimmy: I'm so sick of this! I keep telling you I've got a rare disease. I look 12
but I'm a 42-year-old investment banker. I wanna go out and get laid.
Dad: Oh yeah and I'm Santa Claus. Now tidy your room.
Timmy: Asshole!
Dad: Shawn, our posh suburban home must be a welcome change from that alley you were
sleeping in.
Shawn: I really enjoy living here but there's not enough booze.
Speaker: It's the funniest most touching half-hour on television.
Dad: Charlotte, what's that smell?
Charlotte: I set the couch on fire again.
Shawn: Here I can help you with that.
Speaker: And this week its a very special Just the Five of Us where an
attractive blonde lady tries to steal Timmy away.
Timmy: Now you're talkin!
Speaker: Just the Five of Us, Friday nights on VNC!
----------
rr) (Music Plays)
Toni: Alright alright, call your parents call your mother call in sick to work. I
have a special treat for you. I'm telling you this ones on compact disc, compact
disc! Have you seen these things, they're in stores now. I'm telling ya it's gonna
knock your socks off. It's like a record only it's played by lasers that won't skip.
WOW!
-------------------------------
ss) Bryan Adams - Run To You //
-------------------------------
She says her love for me could never die
But that'd change if she ever found out about you and I
Oh, but her love is cold
It wouldn't hurt her if she didn't know, 'cause...
When it gets too much
I need to feel your touch
I'm gonna run to you
I'm gonna run to you
Cause when the feelin's right I'm gonna run all night
I'm gonna run to you
She's got a heart of gold she'd never let me down
But you're the one that always turns me on
You keep me comin' 'round
I know her love is true
But it's so damn easy makin' love to you
I got my mind made up
I need to feel your touch
I'm gonna run to you
Ya, I'm gonna run to you
Cause when the feelin's right I'm gonna stay all night
I'm gonna run to you
Ya, I'm gonna run to you
Oh when the feelin's right I'm gonna run all night
I'm gonna run to you
----------
Announcer: Before Flash FM, your miserable insignificant little life was laughable
(people laughing). Now that you've found Flash FM notice you've suddenly become more
popular. Suddenly everyone wants to hang out with you. Flash FM, you owe us your
livelihood.
----------
tt) Toni: This one is really good and I'm not receiving any special treatment or
action on the tour bus to say that.
------------------------------------------------------
uu) Electric Light Orchestra - Four Little Diamonds //
------------------------------------------------------
I used to think she was the greatest thing
I really cared, gave her a diamond ring
She said she'd rather die than ever leave me
Well I never saw her face since then
And if the law don't get her then I will
Four little diamonds
She must be somewhere on the open road
She always said she was a lonely one
She gets you down with her tales of woe
She took me for everything
And if the law don't get her then I will
Four little diamonds
I looked around I climbed up high into the dawn
But she was gone with the night
I thought about the things she said
And all the things we'd done
But where could she run, she ran away
There's just no answer to give
I keep wonderin' about her, day and night
She probably thinks I was a fool, she's right
She don't know it
But I'm gonna keep on searchin' for that woman
I'm gonna search everywhere
And if the law don't get her then I will
Four little diamonds
I still hear her callin' out to me,
I still listen for her endlessly
But it never even crossed my mind she was a cheater
I gotta find where she hides
'Cause if the law don't get her then I will
Four little diamonds
--Fever 105
-80's Dance Station
-Hosted by Oliver Biscuit
Songs
-----
-Whispers
"And The Beat Goes On"
-Fat Larry's Band
"Act Like You Know"
-Oliver Cheatham
"Get Down Saturday Night"
-Rene & Angela
"I'll Be Good"
-The Pointer Sisters
"Automatic"
-Mary Jane Girls
"All Night Long"
-Rick James
"Ghetto Life"
-Michael Jackson
"Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'"
-Evelyn "Champagne" King
"Shame"
-Teena Marie
"Behind The Groove"
-Mtume
"Juicy Fruit"
-Kool & The Gang
"Summer Madness"
-In Deep
"Last Night A DJ Saved My Life"
--Radio Esperanto
-80's Jazz Station
-Hosted by Pepe
Songs
-----
-Cachao
"A Gozar Con Mi Combo"
-Alpha Banditos
"The Bullis Wrong"
-Tres Apenas Como Eso
"Yo Te Mire"
-Deodato
"Latin Flute"
-Mongo Santamaria
"Mama Papa Tu"
-Machito & his Afro-Cuban Orchestra
"Mambo Mucho Mambo"
-Mongo Santamaria
"Me & You Baby (Picao Y Tostao)
-Unaesta
"La Vida Es Una Lenteja"
-Lonnie Liston Smith
"Expansions"
-Irakere
"Aguanile"
-Deodato
"Super Strut"
-Xavier Cugat & his Orchestra
"Jamay"
-Beny Moore
"Maracaibo Oriental"
-Tito Puente and his Orchestra
"Mambo Gozon"
--K Chat
-Chat Station
-Written By: Dan Houser and Lazlow
Produced By: Lazlow
DJ Amy Sheckenhausen: Leyna Weber
Jez Torrent: Kevin McKidd
Mandy: Colleen Corbett
Michelle Carapadis: Mary Birdsong
Mr. Zoo: Carl Dowling
Gethsemanee: Lynn Lipton
Claude Maginot: John Mauceri
BJ Smith: Lawrence Taylor
Thor: Frank Fava
Radio Caller: Cousin Ed, Josh Clark, Jason Buhrmester,
Juan Aller, Wayne Oliver, Susan Lewis,
Gillian Telling, Tom Murray, Mike Ferrante
Sr., Emmanuel Goldstein,Dan Houser, Nick
Mandelos, Gerry Cosgrove, Mike Palermo,
Keith Broadas
BIG THANKS TO DARK%@ FOR THE SCRIPT!!!!!
=======================================================================
-----------------------------------(5) Script--------------------------
=======================================================================
___________
| |
| a) Mr Zoo |
|___________|
Amy: So, hello everyone and welcome back to K-Chat. Vice City's main place for
things. I mean well, it's a place in Vice City where things go on like interviews or
things or other things like that. But at the moment it's interviews! And I'm Amy
Sheckenhausen, the best interviewer in Vice City and exclusive to K-Chat. Remember
you only hear Amy on K-Chat. Our next guest is a man on a mission. And that's why
he's got such a silly name. His mission is simple, zoos. His name is Mr Zoo.
Mr Zoo: G'day Aim.
Amy: Hi Mr Zoo.
Mr Zoo: Hi, the name's Pat, Pat Flanerdy. But I love zoos, I really do. That's why
they also call me Mr Zoo.
Amy: OK, and which do you prefer?
Mr Zoo: Ah what darlin?
Amy: Which name, Mr Zoo, or Pat Flingerthingy?
Mr Zoo: Ah, I don't mind babe. Whatever you fancy. Fine by me as long as we talk
about animals. I don't give a damn what you call me. As long as it ain't Sheila or
something.
Amy: Ha, ha ha, you're silly Mr Zoo. Why would I call you Sheila?
Mr Zoo: I don't know love you tell me.
Amy: Ok, um, this is getting confusing. It says here your name is Mr Zoo, and now
your saying your name is Pat Flanagum, and now you're saying it's Shelia?
Mr Zoo: Uh, doll, the name ain't Sheila, that's a Sheila's name. It's an Australian
joke.
Amy: Okay, oh right. I don't speak Australian, do I?
Mr Zoo: I guess not sweetheart.
Amy: Ok, well, moving on. You're Mr Zoo?
Mr Zoo: That I am
Amy: Cool And I here you've made quite a name for yourself, why's that?
Mr Zoo: Because I love animals Aim, animals. And publicity and stuff, and I love
animals I love em
Amy: Me too!
Mr Zoo: That's the thing babe. We all love animals but we don't know too much about
them, thats what I'm here to tell to you about, that and myself of course
Amy: Of course so, right, what about animals?
Mr Zoo: Well its interesting right, but not a lot of folks realise that we're 90%
the same as a fly a cockroach or a pigeon thats the new science out there called
Genestics, I think which is going to be real popular real soon. So what it tells us
is all animals are pretty much the same, from a genestical level.
Amy: Oh cool!
Mr Zoo: Damn right its cool babe! You know what that means don't ya?
Amy: No I haven't got a clue!
Mr Zoo: It means we've all got to start caring for one another like family.
Amy: OK! So let me get this straight, like my brother is a cockroach, and my dad is
a pigeon and my mom is a fly. Is that right?
Mr Zoo: Well sort of genesticallistically speaking but your bang on love. And you
know what that also means?
Amy: Uh, no.
Mr Zoo: That you could literally speaking marry any animal you wanted and have kids
unless your married already babe, you ain't married are ya?
Amy: No, I just split up with my boyfriend he didn't like me being on the radio.
Whatever. Said I sounded stupid.
Mr Zoo: Well that's my point love, I mean, imagine if you'd been out dating a wolf
or a cute little deer he'd protect you and stuff, urinate to keep out intruders but
he wouldn't mind you being on the radio, wouldn't mind a bit.
Amy: Why not?
Mr Zoo: Wolves and deer's have no concept of jealousy of someone elses success.
That's the Genestistic variation between homoerectus and spider monkeys. Jealousy
and fur and stuff.
Amy: Oh.
Mr Zoo: Oh indeed sweet thighs, oh indeed. Would you like Mr Zoo to tell you
something else?
Amy: Yeah.
Mr Zoo: Everything you learned in school was a lie babe, a lie! Take forology for
instance. You were told sharks were dangerous right?
Amy: Yes.
Mr Zoo: Cobblers babe. They're frightened of you. They ain't gonna hurt you! Have
you ever tried cuddling a shark, getting down and dirty with one, relaxing it a
little?
Amy: No.
Mr Zoo: Well I have, and I'll tell ya its very rewarding Aim babe. Very rewarding
indeed.
Amy: Really?
Mr Zoo: Yeah, absobloodylootly love! Once you've calmed it down with a little rubbin
its like a swimin puppy, real affectionate and stuff.
Amy: OK, I'll try that!
Mr Zoo: You should love, you really should. Let me tell you something else.
Amy: Go on, go on.
Mr Zoo: Well, this is something for the guys out there really. You know with a girl
like, who ain't got a clue, I mean a female human, when she's on heat and ready to
mate, looks like been a cool girlfriend no human when she ain't on heat. And would
throw a drink over your face if you grabbed her behind and start trying anything
intimate. You can't tell the difference. I know that only too well. But Take a
Fawker monkey from the jungles of the Philippines, when she's on heat, her behind
sticks up and glows bright red and she makes a sound a bit like this (Mr Zoo makes a
crazy screaming monkey mating call) and any fool or thing that can tell shes ripe
and ready for action, certainly clears up any confusion.
Amy: Yeah I guess it does.
Mr Zoo: Or a female Black Widow spider, now, they eat their mates after the deed, as
they say, is done.
Amy: Uegh!
Mr Zoo: Yeah, I know! That certainly puts things into perspective doesn't it?
Amy: I've never done that.
Mr Zoo: No, but you can now because you're the same! Well more or less the same. I
mean that's the funny thing about my work, about Genestetics.
Amy: Oh God! The world is so complicated.
Mr Zoo: There are also lots of tiny differences between animals, you know what a
species is don't ya honey?
Amy: Yes.
Mr Zoo: It's an animal, which has other animals, which are quite a bit like it. A
dog is a species but a cat isn't because there's lots of cats. However, I've
discovered out there in the wild loads of new species that regular science
practiceborror pressed blokes who have laboratories haven't even known about.
Amy: Really?
Mr Zoo: Really I have. Theres a hornypat bear named after me, Pat right? Exactly
the same as a regular bear only it's got a big horny growth hidden right down its
groin area. You gotta reach in and have a fiddle about and then you find it.
Completely different it is. I was amazed when I found it.
Amy: I can imagine. I was amazed when I left the hairdressers.
Mr Zoo: No wonder darlin. All the double gutted patree monkeys exactly like a normal
tree monkey, except it's called after me and if you have a rummage around inside,
goin in the back door, you discover it's got two digestive tracts, two, amazin!
Really profound it was.
Amy: Ooh. That's gross!
Mr Zoo: No Aim, it's the science of Mr Zoo, gettin down and dirty with animals.
Because I love them and I hate life.
Amy: Okay, it also says here you like zoos.
Mr Zoo: It's a love hate thing babe.
Amy: That, that's nice.
Mr Zoo: But I'm certainly an expert, I know what I'm doing and I'm not afraid to
expose myself.
Amy: OK, well I'm getting a little confused here why don't we take a break and when
we come back take some phone calls, cos all the buttons are really flashing all of a
sudden. You're on K-Chat!
___________________
| |
| b) AD1 - Pit Balm |
|___________________|
Speaker: The science of evolution has uncovered many of lifes mysteries like
tadpoles or the pyramids. But the mystery of the armpit remains. What's it for? Why
is it hairy? And why do men have nipples? But one things for certain, the armpit
smells bad. Luckily there's Pit Balm. It's like Napalm for your skin or Agent
Orange on your sweat glands. Pit Balm stops unwanted bodily functions in their
tracks. Its as effective as sending GIs into a peasant village. When you're
fighting the war against personal hygiene, bring out the heavy artillery.
______________________________
| |
| c) AD2 - Just the Five of Us |
|______________________________|
Speaker: This Friday night it's the incredible sitcom that's captured America's
hearts and given the whole country a new catchphrase.
Timmy: But I'm 42!
Speaker: Just the Five of Us! After a mix up at the adoption agency the
Chesterfields came home with three zany new houseguests.
Dad: Timmy, tidy your room and go to bed.
Jimmy: I'm so sick of this! I keep telling you I've got a rare disease! I look 12
but I'm a 42-year-old investment banker. I wanna go out and get laid.
Dad: Oh yeah and I'm Santa Claus. Now tidy your room.
Timmy: Asshole!
Dad: Shawn, our posh suburban home must be a welcome change from that alley you were
sleeping in.
Shawn: I really enjoy living here but there's not enough booze.
Speaker: It's the funniest most touching half-hour on television.
Dad: Charlotte, what's that smell?
Charlotte: I set the couch on fire again.
Shawn: Here I can you help with that.
Speaker: And this week its a very special Just the Five of Us where an attractive
blonde lady tries to steal Timmy away.
Timmy: Now you're talkin!
Speaker: Just the Five of Us, Friday nights on VNC!
___________________________
| |
| d) Mr Zoo - On the Phones |
|___________________________|
Amy: I'm on K-Chat, and so are you. If you're listening, I'm here with Australian
animal lover Mr Zoo. If you've got anything to ask him, why don't you just give us a
call right now.
Mr Zoo: Yeah, great, give us a call right now and I'll tell you anything you need to
know about animals.
Amy: OK, whos on the line?
Caller 1: Is that Pat Flanerdy?
Mr Zoo: G'day, of course it is.
Caller 1: And, and you're in Vice City?
Mr Zoo: Yeah.
Caller 1: What are you doing here?
Mr Zoo: Promoting animals mate.
Caller 1: Don't you remember the court case?
Mr Zoo: Ah, get lost. Amy, uh, let's have another caller.
Amy: Uh, oh, ok. Whose on line 2? You're through to K-Chat!
Caller 2: Don't hang up on me Flanerdy you're meant to be in a hospital you sicko.
Mr Zoo: Easy there mate. Hospitals are for people who don't feel well. I'm at the
top of my game.
Caller 2: Are you insane? Don't answer that. I know the answer. You're sick and
insane and you need help.
Mr Zoo: I've got a Visa mate, I've got a Visa. You can't touch me, I'm bonafide. I
love animals. Leave me the hell alone or I'll come by your aquarium and feed you to
the bloody sharks you no good by the book paper pushing murderer. Bobo would have
lived if you'd let me in the tank. I could have cheered him up. I could have done.
Stay away from me y'here? Name all callers k Aim? Phones are so impersonal not a two
way conversation like the radio.
Amy: Okay, um, who was that?
Mr Zoo: Wrong number I think.
Amy: No it wasn't.
Mr Zoo: Yeah it was, a bloody wrong number. He wanted a plumber and a Chinese. I
was speaking to him in Australian.
Amy: OK, cool. Uh, what was that about the aquarium?
Mr Zoo: Nothing babe, all in the past, long time ago. I was tricked into saying
something I regretted.
Amy: Oh, cool. That happens to me all the time.
Mr Zoo: I can see that love. Yeah, big mistake, never trust a judge of a mental
health tribunal, never. Only trust mentals.
Amy: Ok, and what did they make you say?
Mr Zoo: Nothing babe! Oh, it was a long time ago look. I brought a little surprise
for you. It's a little female plague rat. See how relaxed she is with me? I've got
special powers. She's a lot like a little Joey kangaroo in a lot of ways, you know
what I mean love?
Amy: What did they make you say?
Mr Zoo: I've also brought a menacing trouser snake. Would ya like to see it? Look
at this its a little frog in my pocket. Calm as you like, not even awake. Awh he's
died. Anyway, in this pocket I've got a baby dwarf giraffe I birthed this morning,
see she's still covered in fluid from her mum's womb. Isn't that fabulous.
Amy: Ooh that's brody. What did they make you say at the mental health judge?
Mr Zoo: Nothing babe. Nothing at all. A long time ago it was a bad period in my
life. I wasn't sleeping, I was heartbroken like a platypus. D'ya know a platypus
only gets it bill after its mate breaks its heart by sleeping with its brother? I
know all about that. I was crying my eyes out for weeks. On all kinds of pills for
my nerves. Couldn't move, couldn't talk. I was chewing like a dove. Please darling,
let's move on. D'ya want me to talk to a parrot?
Amy: Now I'm really curious, what did they make you say?
Mr Zoo: I love yoou!
Amy: You do? I never knew!
Mr Zoo: They made say I love ya!
Amy: Oh, I made my boyfriend say it and he slept with my best friend. I think we're
bonding now.
Mr Zoo: Noo. We ain't bonding ya halfwit. We're miles apart. I hate ya! They made me
say I love ya to Bobo.
Amy: Who was Bobo?
Mr Zoo: Bobo was the most beautiful creature that was ever on the earth. Ever at
all, really beautiful.
Amy: Who was she?
Mr Zoo: He, he, he!
Amy: Hey hey he.
Mr Zoo: He was a dolphin. And I loved him. And I knew him properly. Those people
could never understand. It's natural. We were identical. From a genstrocial
perspective. And Bobo was really unhappy. Putting on a show every day like a circus
animal. They thought they caught me doing something, but they never did, Aim, they
never did. We were only cuddling. How can people take that the wrong way? Babe, they
took me away and they locked me up. And Bobo died of a broken heart.
Amy: He did? That's awful. Uh, oh. Just a second you sick bastard! Security!
Mr Zoo: I love ya more then you imagine!
Amy: Call the police someone, please help me! This guy is molesting animals. Ooh,
it's gross!
Mr Zoo: Babe, I only wanted to be loved. Properly mind and he's gone.
Doc: Pat, it's Doctor Phillips.
Mr Zoo: Get lost doc. I got out of confines. Me and me friends are traveling around
in a black van and solving crimes and running from the Colonel.
Doc: Pat, I'm coming in.
Mr Zoo: Stay away from me!
Doc: Pat, you've been a very bad boy, come on we're going home now Pat.
Mr Zoo: Stay away from me, I've got a poisonous lizard in my boot he'll kill ya in
two seconds.
Other: Pat, please, we've been through this, you're not well. Bobo is dead. It's
time to get back on the medication and start piecing your life back together. While
locked up in a padded cell for a very long time, or until you die.
Mr Zoo: Is it that time again Doc?
Doc: Yes Pat it is. C'mon. Put on the straight jacket. Look, it's even got your
initials on it. And swallow this.
Mr Zoo: Oh thanks Doc. Did I tell ya I love animals and they love me? I got a
message. Look for a wipe the china hand...
Other: I'm really sorry about that. Pat is a very, very sick man. We rarely let the
dangerously ill out of the society. And when we do, it's not always fatal.
Amy: Okay, great.
Doc in background: Get this crack head out of here. Sorry to be a bother.
Amy: Oh, ah, um no bother.
Doc in background: C'mon, don't bash his head.
Amy: I never knew animals were so interesting. We'll be back after this. You're on K-
Chat. Don't go away.
_________________________________
| |
| e) AD3 - Pastor Richards Statue |
|_________________________________|
Pastor Richards: Do yourself a favour and pick up your telephone, call now.
18669SAVEME what better place to witness 40,000 years of nuclear winter, then from
the comfort of your very own ready nuclear bunker? When we raise 25 million we will
build a 50 storey tall likeness of me. If we raise 300 million the statue will
rotate so I can look over this great city and cast an evil eye on degenerates. and
when the eminent nuclear strike occurs, those who put faith into action with
sufficient generous contributions will join me inside the Pastor Richards salvation
statue as we blast into space! Contribute to the Pastor Richards Salvation Statue
Fund. Pick up your telephone. Call now, 18669SAVEME.
___________________________
| |
| f) AD4 - Maibatsu Thunder |
|___________________________|
Speaker: Knights of the road, here's your stallion. The car for freedom.
Backing: Freedom!
Speaker: The car for hot excitement.
Baking: Excitement!
Speaker: The car for a man who is alone against the elements.
Backing: The Maibatsu Thunder
Speaker: The pride is back. It's the power of a compact.
Backing: Looks small but's so big.
Speaker: Fuel injected.
Backing: Inject me!
Speaker: Maibatsu Thunder. On the toll road of life you have to pay to prove you
can. Live the emotion of the individual.
Backing: Thunder!
Speaker: The awesome power of nature distilled into one vehicle.
Backing: Wow!
Speaker: Because after you get struck by lightning, there's thunder!
Backing: The Maibatsu Thunder!
________________
| |
| g) Gethsemanee |
|________________|
Amy: Hello, welcome back to K-Chat! I'm a woman so I know it's important to discuss
feelings. That's why we don't have any male hosts on this station. People open up
more to women. I was telling my girlfriend yesterday if a woman were president we'd
nuke a country every 28 days, ahah! In these times of trouble. Of international
scary things that cause anxiety, people seek sole ice. Or is that solice? Oh my god.
Some visit lady friends, others go to a bar. And a strange few talk to rocks. My
next guest is the author of this book 'I'm Lovin' the Coven'. She sits on the board
of the Vice City resna, renaissance committee. Get seminee?
Gethsemanee: Gethsemanee
Amy: Ah Gethsemanee Welcome to the show.
Gethsemanee: Hello Amy! I brought you a crystal. Isn't it gorgeous?
Amy: I guess so. If you're into shiny glass. I prefer lacy gloves.
Gethsemanee: Amy, for many thousands of years, my people have been using crystals
and gemstones to heal the sick. take the crystal and then when night is enchanting
and the candles have been blown out. And the wind sings through the branches of the
eucalyptus. Hold up your arms and sing: All dwee my sky sailing predgnant moon the
gardets.
Amy: The pregnant moon? What are you talking about? Gesemanee?
Gethsemanee: Gethsemanee.
Amy: Sorry, whatever, do you even have a last name?
Gethsemanee: My compost coven named me Gethsemanee Starhawk Moonmaker. Trust me Amy.
I'm quite accustomed to people persecuting us. It's been going on for thousands of
years. Native Americans, they studied crystals, the ancient Chinese, Belgians,
Superman! They all studied crystals. So why do you view it as so weird. Grab your
crystal, hold it tight and close your eyes. You will be transported back 35 thousand
years when the temperature of the earth began to drop. The tundra was teeming with
animal life and small groups of hunters followed the free running reindeer and
there, under the magnolia tree a woman breast-feeding a baby elk. Do you see it?
It's nature.
Amy: Ooh gross. You're one of those filthy hippies that thinks breast-feeding in
public is ok. Well, uh, it's not. There are bottles of milk at the store, don't act
like the cow. Huh! You really remind me of someone by the way.
Gethsemanee: See Amy, you're putting the blinders of society on. We're all the same,
I remind you of yourself, everyman and woman.
Amy: Um, uhuh. No none of them.
Gethsemanee: There're trying to outlaw nature. If I'm in the park and a nice
gentleman comes along, I should be able to breast-feed him. Pretty soon everything
natural will become illegal. It's really depressing. If I died right now would I get
buried by a female priestess in a cave surrounded by my favourite tools and
ornaments? No. There was a time when children were taught about their bodies about
the goddess lady of the mammoths about the importance of the spiral dance clutching
a bison horn under the crescent moon. At the bead and rock shop where I work, we
have classes that teach the importance of feeding wild plants, shellfish and
understanding ancient crop circles.
Amy: Oh I love lobster.
Gethsemanee: Have you ever tried talking to one? Energy flows from everything, even
a tractor. my mother, moon, taught me how to trace lay lines with your bare feet in
the dirt.
Amy: Listen you're very weird. And you smell like petulia in compost and I think you
might have a shot at a boyfriend if you shaved and got some gel in your hair and got
some clothes that fit. I mean, please.
Gethsemanee: Did Joan of Arc shave? I was given this fascinating pamphlet called
Caucasian female body hair in American culture. Amy, I love you like my sister but
honey, you've fallen prey to a sustained marketing soft that began in 1502 to
convince women that underarm and leg hair was wrong. There's nothing more natural
then this enormous bush I've got growing under each arm. Having hair is natural.
What's that deal with Anglo Saxons? I mean go to England. The women there don't
shave their underarms it's really quite attractive. You just need to focus your eyes
to look for healthy signs and not the signs of socialised barbarism. Like shaving or
wearing deodorant or birthing in a hospital rather then the open air like a wolf
cub. Remember brother Romulus and Remus? Well phrased.
Amy: I find this really interesting, not really but I say it is because I'm told to.
I'll be back on K-Chat after these messages from our sponsors.
_________________________
| |
| h) AD5 - Farewell Ranch |
|_________________________|
Speaker: Howdy partners! It's 4:30 in the morning here at Farewell ranch. And it's
time to get up and work the old cow. get up ya oaf! At Farewell Ranch, old people
don't sit around stagnating watching game shows talking about the good old days.
Sinking into the grave with a urine soaked mess. At Farewell Ranch they sweat and
toil until the breaking point. Keep that miserable contemplation of mortality at
bay. Hell at steering time, we'll work grandpa so hard he'll wish he was dead. At
the end of the day he'll sit down in the blue grass eat a bowl of commemorative
beans and enjoy a sing along at one of our nightly funerals. It's the cowboys code.
Work hard, don't shower and shine your boots. Right Norm?
Norm: Ahh, my prostate!
Speaker: Farewell Ranch, the only way to ride into the sunset.
__________________________________
| |
| i) AD6 - Exploder Survival Knife |
|__________________________________|
Speaker: It's the knife that saved America. If you liked the film Exploder, you'll
love this enormous commemorative survival knife. In the handle you'll find all the
things you'll need in any wilderness, disaster situation or jungle of your backyard.
It comes complete with fishing line, needle and thread for sewing gashes back
together. And an incredibly useful endurable toothpick
Ho Chi: Tim, go on without me. I've got toffee stuck in tooth.
Tim: It's okay Ho Chi, try this!
Speaker: For those unplanned extended stays in the jungle, theres a saw for
building your own hut, toilet paper and a fold out woman for company. As well as a
serrated blade that can kill a man before he can scream.
Tim: That'll shut you up!
Speaker: The Exploder survival knife. It's the knife that saved America. Now it can
save you.
Other: This knife killed 25,000 people in Cambodia. Now you can too.
_____________________________
| |
| j) Gethsemanee - Coven Phil |
|_____________________________|
Amy: Whatever, I'd die if I didn't have sissies for ten blocks. Germs are like so
gross. Oh, hi, I'm Amy and you're on K-Chat! Gethsemanee, I just can't get over how
familiar you are.
Gethsemanee: Oh right Amy, I real hope you read my book. The mysteries of the
absolute can never be explained. Mother Nature knows more then all of us. That's
what keeps people coming back for more. People are turning into zombies. A roof
separates you from the sunshine in the morning, a bed separates you from the loving
earth at night. Thats whats so great about lumbee stings. When you're no longer
repressed about the culture issues of making money, showering, wiping yourself after
using the toilet. You can focus on the important things, do you travel Amy?
Amy: Well, I've been up north to the theme park and last week I went to the beach.
Gethsemanee: No. Really travelled. My coven has been meeting every Thursday,
Saturday to prepare for a grand coracle journey. Along the same route we took when
our people came from Russia and Alaska, along the bearing straight.
Amy: What's a Coracle? Oh is that like a Maibatsu? Uhuh, I prefer American cars.
Gethsemanee: No, Coracle. Cora, means Arabian gazelle, which we all know was the
daughter of Zeus. And cle means gather grass and sew it together. A Coracle is a
single person rowing boat made from lots of twigs from Ancient Briton. There are so
many wonderful things you can learn from the Ancient Britons Amy. Like metallurgy
and how to cauterise the womb when the bear has the arm. Everyone used to have a
coracle Amy, even people who were scared of water. We're all about working to
preserve the diversity of natural life. Re-use everything.
Amy: Question. Who's this 'we'?
Gethsemanee: My coven.
Amy: Like witches?
Gethsemanee: Uh, oh, uh, yes. But not like you think. We're just a group of people
who believe in communal sharing and chanting a lot. And can't find husbands. Reading
magazines, cloaks, wands, horned gods. Rubbing your skin raw with rocks. Dying of
old age at 27. Crying in terror when it starts to thunder. And these are all the
things our ancestors did. Since I found my new mind and body, things have really
changed for me. Our modern society only celebrates a select few. Every woman and
every man is a star in the sky Amy. Not just the ones who sing on TV or those people
in the movies. I think I know what you need to separate your reflection from your
true self. A Zen garden.
Amy: Oh, my brother had one of those. And the federalies came.
Gethsemanee: Oh, no, no, no. Zen silly girl. It's a little Zen box you draw
pictures in. it teaches you things like that death isn't an end it's just a stage
and also a beginning of a new journey.
Amy: Do you have a leader in this weirdo cult of yours?
Gethsemanee: Not a cult, a coven. There's a big difference. Yes our leaders name is
Phil.
Amy: That's a weird name for a leader of a group of witches. Oh hi Phil. What hairy
legs you've got what with being a man whos a witch and everything. Hah, hah, hah,
hah, har!
Gethsemanee: Do not disrespect Phil. He teaches us the wheel of the year Amy. It's
full of solar holidays and goes round and round and round. You can learn a lot from
the sun and the moon. If you look at the sun for too long you can go blind. Meaning
it is something to be respected. And the moon has a dark side, just like we do. And
some people have craters and only a sixth of gravity. The ancient Britons knew the
moon could breathe. We can change the world, rearrange the world. It's dying though
Amy! And it needs some Mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Like a swan or fish on a hook.
If you take your nervous system seriously, if you take your organs seriously and
explore them some really neat things can happen. Phil taught us that. he's been to
Mali to meet with the village elders. That's why theres the ceremony of the knife.
Amy: Oh great. Why does everyone have to be packing sharp things?
Gethsemanee: The knife ceremony is very important and spiritual. It's an ancient one-
person personal crisis. You say to yourself, I'm going to have a spiritual
experience, or thrust this thing into my head. Life actors never rehearse and need
no script Amy that was said by someone really spaced out and I'm going to say it
again. Like the wind that keeps blowing or sun that shines with life.
Amy: Will you please leave you smell and you talk really weird and youre just
really gross.
Gethsemanee: Not until I tell people out there become an internationalist learn oral
traditions, learn to respect life. Make war on machines, marry your mother.
Technology will enslave us. Buy my book! It's printed on bark!
Amy: Ok, ok! Let's take a quick call. Hello, you're on K-Chat, whats your name?
Emanuel: Hey, its Emanuel from Prawn Island. I love the show. Yeah, I want to talk
about technology enslaving us. You know that play 'In the Future there will be
Robots'? Well that's a true story, in the future there will be robots. And I'm going
to hack them all. I'll make them say funny things. You know I can move satellites
around with my computer.
Gethsemanee: Computers are evil. The Luddites of ancient Briton know this. That's
why they destroyed the computers that created things faster and more efficient and
took their jobs.
Emanuel: Oh shut up! Computers aren't evil. It's the people that programmed the
computers that are evil. That's a pretty big difference. I'm talking to you through
a computer right now. In fact, I am a computer.
Gethsemanee: Well anything that can think faster then me is evil. Anything which
doesn't dance or sing or cry or wear a smock. You create your own reality. We're
like the dust in the wind. We are golden. We've got to get ourselves back to the
garden.
Amy: Okay, okay, huh! I know who you remind me of! My aunt Susan! Oh, she was single
too.
Gethsemanee: I'm not single Amy. I share my life with a number of valuable partners,
and we commune with each other in a non-judgemental expressive way.
Amy: Old Maid, my mom calls her. Anyway, let's go to the phones. You're on K-Chat.
Freddy: Uh, yes, thank you, thank you. That was great really interesting. I'm
British you see.
Gethsemanee: Like our ancient wood wearing queen. Medusa, meh meh medusa, uh uh uh.
Freddy: Um, no, I think actually it was Bodice, but, but no, no, not, not really.
I'm from Hampshire you see I'm I'm here on business.
Gethsemanee: A wanderer!
Freddy: Yes, I, I was wondering, you're you're a good witch correct?
Gethsemanee: Yes, a white witch.
Freddy: But you have a broom.
Gethsemanee: Yes, it's ceremonial.
Freddy: Supposing I'd been a bad boy. Like if I hadn't learnt my spells or
something. Would I, I get smacked with it?
Gethsemanee: Violence is wrong.
Freddy: But you must hit Freddy with your broom. Freddy has been very naughty and
not learnt his spells. Hit me hairy legs hit me! I deserve it!
Amy: Prank caller! Prank caller! Sorry listeners. Somebody call the IRS. Who let
that guy in the country?
Gethsemanee: Yes, poor man, so lost and ill at ease. With his father son and mother
nature. I hope he finds what he needs.
Amy: And I need to take a commercial break. Geth good luck.
Gethsemanee: Gethsemanee.
Amy: Yes, I hope you find what you're looking for and I sincerely hope you, whew!
Take a bath. We'll be back after this. You're on K-Chat. Don't go away!
______________________________________
| |
| k) AD7 - BJ Smith's Fit for Football |
|______________________________________|
BJ Smith: Hi, I'm BJ Smith. In my long and illustrious three year career at the top
of pro football. I whooped some serious ass and got paid for it. They didn't call
be death in tight pants for nothing. When you've had such a rewarding career maiming
others as I have, you know how to stay fit. Through running, wrestling, stuffing 20s
down panties of foxy strippers, firearm training, an in days swoop and beating the
hell out of your fellow man. That's what keeps me healthy. And now, using training
methods, I perfected. It's going to work for you with BJ's Fit for Football. Watch
those pounds fall off. I'm down to 300 pounds using exactly the method I
demonstrated on tape. I mean, who are you gonna trust to get fit? A man who can rip
your arm off and beat you with the wet ends, or an aerobics instructor who wouldnt'
get drafted by the local hopscotch team? Hell no. BJ's Fit for Football, out now on
Beta and VHS. Remember to win in a game of football, or life, you have to annihilate
everything in your path in a blind rage.
_____________________
| |
| l) AD8 - Domestobot |
|_____________________|
Man: Ever since Linda started working, our kids are home alone.
Linda: We tried hiring a nanny but she wanted health insurance.
Man: Yeah right, thats when we got Domestobot. He's great with the kids.
Domestobot: Mrs Lorrs, Tommy has some skinny magazines under the bed.
Linda: And he helps us too.
Domestobot: Would you like your drink portioned?
Man: He's a great conversation piece at our special parties.
Domestobot: Please move your car keys and the fun will begin.
Linda: It's like having a personalised alarm clock.
Domestobot: I've brought you a drink.
Man: Ah, it's eight in the morning!
Domestobot: I made it a double.
Linda: Ah Domestobot!
Speaker: Domestobot, he's three foot high, he only says ten phrases, he's the friend
you've always dreamed of. order Domestobot today.
_____________
| |
| m) BJ Smith |
|_____________|
Amy: So, welcome back, and all that stuff. You're on K-Chat with me, Amy
Sheckenhausen on Vice City's station for the stars, including me. And boys have I
got a treat for you. Next up is a living legend. A man who won the World series
single-handed. Known to his fans as 'Death in Tight Pants' and known to his enemies
as 'Oh my God, I just got flattened by a truck, how is that fair?' It's sports
legend, BJ Smith. So BJ, welcome!
BJ: Thanks, it's a real pleasure to be here.
Amy: Oh, I know.
BJ: But one thing sweetheart. I never won the World Series, that's baseball. I play
football.
Amy: Yes, but it's all the same isn't it?
BJ: Football and baseball aren't the same. In one of them you get bored during a
five-hour game, you touch yourself a lot and start a massive brawl with players who
are degenerates, egomaniacs and criminals. The others football.
Amy: Yes, but it's all the same.
BJ: No Amy, it isn't. Anyone can hit a home run. In baseball you stand around a
field dividing your salary by 162. Waiting for some action. Talk to guy who just
played an hour of football. he's been in the trenches getting Agent Orange sports
drink poured all over his head to keep him from taking an innocent life. One of
thems a game for men, the others a game for pansies who like wearing button-down
shirts. They call baseball a national pastime? If that means making a million
dollars by standing around all day? Count me out. I work for my money.
Amy: Yeah BJ, just like me I can tell you.
BJ: Yo baby, that's cool. I just wanted you to know what I did.
Amy: I do. Gees, get over yourself. You must have a testosterone imbalance like all
those jocks who shower with other men. You can't tell me you don't look at other
people's business.
BJ: Baby, I've played professional sports for fourteen years, including high school
and I'm making a comeback. I'm a burger-bellied person I grant you, but I ain't got
no testosterone imbalance. You got a little moustache you busting out looks like you
shouldn't be talking about some hormone problems girl.
Amy: Excuse me? What did you say?
BJ: Oh, oh nothing, damn baby, you so ugly you make look blind kids cry
Amy: BJ you better stop being a bully just cos I'm not into the jock scene. I like
sensitive guys you know like actors of rock stars or that kind of thing. Not some
great big hulking giant that has to tell everyone how important he is.
BJ: Whoa, I didnt realise we were trying to impress each other here sweet thing. I
was thinking we were here to discuss my new exercise video or talk about my possible
comeback to professional football, not sitting here flirting with each other. I'm a
married man, I'm on my seventh wife.
Amy: So you've got a big family. All those wives, thats fantastic.
BJ: Not really, you see I really like family, especially some show up you didn't
know existed. I tell you, fathers day, I'm scared to go to my mailbox. My big heart
has caused me a lot of heartache for when youre a proper guy you can't always tell
what other people are about. BJ has met some real manipulative people
Amy: Seven wives, that's fantastic.
BJ: No, I have one wife, I had six before that.
Amy: So you downsized? Right?
BJ: Yeah, something like that. If you want to win in life you have to change
players. They can't play on the same team all the time.
Amy: So, oh my god, isn't this getting intimate BJ, I feel like we are really
connecting.
BJ: I'd like to connect with you. Other men might fumble but I go up to the trenches
like a dome. That's action for my video
Amy: What are you talking about?
BJ: As you know running a ball is like making romance. And one day when I was going
for a touchdown, if you know what I 'm saying, I had a great idea. You see all
these fitness videos on television? it's always that idiot fool in leotards prancing
about giving it the skinny thing. And I say what is this? I mean what in the world
is this? These people ain't fit. They don't even have a clue. When you're fit you
know it. If you come into the locker room you know I is fit for football. Able to
wrestle and pounce and hurt somebody for hours straight. That's what people needs,
if someone comes and jack you ride, are you going to bust a aerobic move? hell no,
but when you know how to grab another man by the facemask and twist him around and
so you tear his ligaments in his back until he can never play again. That's some
real useful everyday stuff. And I mean, I should know, I invented it.
Amy: You know, I just don't want to talk about football any more.
BJ: Well, take dating, or washing the car. What good is a leotard when you wash the
car? Put a man in a helmet and a cup and he can wash a car any day in it. That's
fighting fit for football. It really buries some program, the best way to get your
body fit is to have total disregard for your body. Every now and then you wake up
and come out of concussion saying damn, I look good.
Amy: BJ, you talk funny. We'll be back on K-Chat right after these messages.
______________________
| |
| n) AD9 - Musty Pines |
|______________________|
Speaker: Are you tired of your couches getting ruined?
Man: Oh grandpa!
Grandpa: I made tinkles again!
Speaker: If you've got old people cluttering up your home. Why not send them to
Musty Pines? We'll help bring back dignity and we promise it'll be the best three
months of their lives. They'll enjoy bingo, complaining, mumbling incoherently,
skinny-dipping and organ donation. And once a month it's our famous lucky dip
medication switching night. Musty Pines is located at a luxurious location
overlooking Vice City's state of the art sanitation facilities. You can still visit
your old people, but now you have the comfort of knowing you don't have to. After
they pass on to something better, guaranteed in three months or less, you can start
enjoying their money. Finally, you can have quality family time again. Musty Pines,
now you don't have to say goodbye. Drive thru service also available.
____________________________
| |
| o) AD10 - Knife after Dark |
|____________________________|
Speaker: He was just the boy next door.
Man: Well hello there Danny, I didnt know it was hockey season.
Danny: Hey can I borrow a knife?
Speaker: A deadly curse, a deranged killer, a small town in tears Knife after Dark
rated R for retarded.
________________________
| |
| p) BJ Smith - Comeback |
|________________________|
Amy: Eugh, that's gross BJ, stop hitting on me. Hi, I'm Amy and you're on K-Chat. So
what do you need to do for BJ's Fit for Football?
BJ: Well, Angela, anybody can do it. What you need is a real expensive gym, a team
of trainers, medical practitioners, dieticians a big crowd and a caller who wants
you dead, dead in the dirt. I mean a nasty blood sucking leech of a man who'd
destroy you if you don't destroy him first. A man you'd like to set animals on, he's
the enemy, and you'd sit in a box so the times just right and then you'd pounce
baby, like a kitty Kat on catnip. I'll sack a man, pile drive him hard, again and
again because if he comes my way I'll nail him every time.
Amy: This video sounds like a lot of fun.
BJ: Fun? Fun? You think it's fun when grown men cry in mortal agony when you're so
scared about what you're going to do to a man you step outside yourself like an
astral projection and The police go Kent state on ya and people cryin and bleedin
and pouncing each other in the face, and that's just in the locker room with before
the game. That's your idea of fun?
Amy: Yeah, I, I, I guess.
BJ: Yeah, mine too, that's why I'm making a comeback. I've been retired two years
and I'll tell ya selling cars or appearing in soft drink commercials is not fun,
compared to having 50,000 low IQ morons in Green Bay, or Tampa or Liberty City or
wherever. Screaming and howling they want you dead just because you're playing for
the Mambas. That's actualising the soap.
Amy: Wow, that sounds interesting. Tell me about it.
BJ: I'm doing that, I've bin doing, hey, wait a minute. Are you reading a book ver
there during this interview?
Amy: No, no, I can hardly read, get on with it.
BJ: I'm trying to sweets, you best listen. The comeback is a real deal. BJ Smith's
six-year Pro Bowl MVP the man responsible for more broken bones then anyone since
people had legs. I'm a Fiddler Crab you can rip my arms off and I'll just Molt and
grow some new ones. Amy: Where?
BJ: Right here, right now. let's get it on!
Amy: Of course. I mean when?
BJ: Soon baby, real soon. But, and don't call it a comeback, like the songs say I'll
whoop your ass. And this time I'm doing it my way. Ignorant fools gave me nothing to
work with.
Amy: What owners are you talking about?
BJ: The owners of the team. They gave me nothing. They the reason my marriage
failed. I worked my ass off all those years, sweating blood, and and puking my soul
out and they treat me like a tractor. Roll me around treat me no better then a dog.
The guys that got hurt, they never saw a penny out of those mosses.
Amy: That's just like Jade.
BJ: Who's Jade? She a fox?
Amy: My friend, she's a Goth. She got sacked for wearing makeup and an 'I hate Life'
t-shirt to work and never saw a penny.
BJ: She like um, football or something?
Amy: She teaches Kindergarten, professionally.
BJ: You know, I know a lot of players who need to go back to school after they
finished playing. It's a tough life and you lose something.
Amy: What did you lose?
BJ: Hope, diction, something, it's brutal out there,
Amy: That's just like Jade. Those kids are evil little brats.
BJ: Listen, are you going to talk about your freaky friends, who dress like a
funeral? I thought we were here to talk about BJ. BJ Smith. And I feel alive! I mean
really alive! Ain't nothing more envigoring then holding a mans head in your hands
and looking him in the eyes and saying I could kill ya in one second old man. And he
says I've got a wife! And you say, give me all the money in your cash register.
Amy: What are you talking about? Uh! BJ, are those muscles real?
BJ: That's funny you should ask, cos the answer is yes. They ain't implants or nutin.
Amy: Wow, you're enormous.
BJ: Nah, there are some guys twice my size, but I'm quite, rich and angry, like a
republican.
Amy: So, oh, um, I see. Look, I ain't got anything more to say to you. And I can't
fall in love with another guest, or I'll get sacked. So, let's go to the phones!
Who's on line one?
Caller: Hey Amy, I'm a first time caller. How you doing? I love your show. Sorta.
BJ man, you're awesome. Here's my question. How'dya play that game against San
Andreas with two broken legs? Ah, I can't believe I'm talking to ya. Wow man, I
don't know what to say. This is the greatest day of my life.
BJ: Well why the hell are ya calling in? Don't worry. I'm a professional. The method
I used in the game against SA, is actually a part of my exercise video. When in
doubt, go for the groin. I hope that answers your question. That's the problem with
the public, fans. I get it all the time. Know what I'm saying?
Amy: Absolutely. I get that all the time. People say, 'huh, aren't you that girl of
the television in that show?' and I say, no, I'm the girl from the radio, I just
look like her. Anyway, BJ, that's all we have time for now.
BJ: Thanks Amy, and um, look after that moustache.
Amy: Ok. Thank you. I'll be back on K-Chat after these messages from our sponsors.
Don't go away.
______________________
| |
| q) AD11 - Degenatron |
|______________________|
Speaker: Are ya tired of dad?
Boy: Dad, noone wants to hear your stupid Vietnam story.
Speaker: Are ya tired of mom?
Mom: Hi angel, do ya want to read a book or go outside?
Boy: Nooo!
Backing: Degenatron!
Speaker: The arcade comes to your living room, only without the creepy guys offering
to show you puppies.
Kids: Awesome.
Speaker: The degenatron, you can play video games just like you are in the Arcade.
Kids: Excellent!
Backing: Degenatron!
Speaker: The degenatron gaming system plays three exciting games including Defender
of the Faith where you save the green dots with your fantastic flying red square.
Kids: Cool!
Speaker: Monkey's Paradise where you swing from green dot to green dot with your red
square monkey.
Kids: That's red!
Speaker: And Penatrator where you smash the green dots deep inside the mysterious
red square.
Kids: Wow!
Speaker: The Degenatron brings arcade realism to your living room. It can even
tackle quarters and a strange sweaty man comes by to empty the machine on Fridays.
Backing: Degenatron!
Speaker: Degenatron, fighting the evil of boredom.
Kids: I'll never go to school again.
Backing: Degenatron!
___________________
| |
| r) AD12 - Salivex |
|___________________|
Speaker: Do you have dry mouth?
Woman: I soor doo.
Speaker: It protects your teeth, fights infection and lubricates your food. But what
happens when you run out of saliva?
Woman: Help me, I can't talk.
Speaker: For personal dryness upstairs, it's Salivex.
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to have that extra piece of cake, or bowl kitty litter!
Woman: After a night out my tongue tasted like carpet, it was embarrassing. Now
with Salivex I can eat a whole box or crackers, or lick my life partners...
Censor: Stamp-Collection
Woman: ...all night!
Man: It's like having a Salivation Army in my mouth! Now I can suck a...
Censor: Lollipop
Man: ...for as long as I want!
Speaker: Salivex tastes like your own saliva. That's because at Salivex's state of
the art production facilities, we use salivation philanthropists who make Salivex
all day. Salivex, when it comes to personal dryness upstairs, we're deadly serious!
___________________
| |
| s) Claude Maginot |
|___________________|
Amy: Welcome back to K-Chat, my next guest is the star of the hit show, 'Just the
Five of Us', where he appears as the rich father of a family of misfits. But more
recently he's been working on a controversial theatre piece 'In the Future there
will be Robots'. Claude Maginot. Welcome to the show!
Claude: Thanks Amy, however, you have mispronounced my name. It's Madge, which
rhymes with badge. Uh as in duh and no as in more then your. Maginot. Anyway thank
you for having me on your show. It's always a pleasure to discuss my art
Amy: Yes, you're so funny! now Claude, youre an interesting man, if you don't mind
me saying so much, because on the one hand youre on the funniest show in the whole
wide world, just the five of us, and on the other you do those weird theatre dance
shows which aren't funny
Claude: Yes, thank you technical school dropout, I'm sure sitting here talking all
day is terribly difficult Juliard. In the future there will be robots is not a funny
piece. It deals with the most important issues in the world today, love pain,
suffering, skin tight pants and well stretched groin muscles. But see music has no
name Amy, it's about depth and texture and the sense of community that emerges from
the struggle going on within all of us. between man and machine, between the angel
and the beast. It's as if Petrushka and Leonard Bernstein were in a ferocious dance
competition with switch blades. That is passion my dear.
Amy: Um, ok, so it's a bit like Just the Five of Us, what a show! I love Jimmy, he's
so cute, even though he looks so young.
Claude: I'd rather not talk about my complications working with, him. I'm a
performer, I express myself anyway I can. While I'd never attempt to describe Just
the Five of Us as anything other then worshipless pap I need to support my serious
art. Its like stealing a boom box to do live interpretive dance. If I bring joy to
people's hearts doing an interpretation of a tree in a park, who is harmed? There is
a value I derive from art, as a man, as a creator, and that is this: Never
overestimate the dreadfulness of the mass market, the degrading excess of the
culture or the horror we all have within us.
Amy: great, yeah, me too. but, as Mr Chesterfield you're so funny! what is it you
say? not in my house. hah, ha ha! that gets me every time. Especially after the
drunken tramp you adopted has wet himself. Oh say it for me, please!
Claude: As they say in France, matrise.
Amy: Please!
Claude: Not in my house. Please, I came on your fine show to discuss art not people
that whore themselves out on the alter of commercial success dancing like a puppet
alongside a genetic freak. Although I do that too.
Amy: Ok, moody. So what do you want to talk about?
Claude: Oh, I don't know, my performance at the Hollywood bowl perhaps. There are
some that attend the concert inside. I am the concert outside myself. In the
parking lot where we build bonfires and dance it comes back to the seriousness of my
purpose. At a young age, I held puppet shows on the corner that had people weeping
and lying down in the streets. It's about movement, about encouraging ordinary
working class people that there's something enervating about modern dance
performance. that seeing in the future there will be robots will change your life,
no matter what your life's like now.
Amy: So, it's kind like getting a new haircut?
Claude: Yes, exactly. No! It's nothing like getting a new haircut you halfwit! This
is movement! Watch my hand, yes movement! There's a manatee on stage see he cannot
hear from the wall of vagna around him. We have lasers that shoot him down, cut him
free, free his soul from the bondage of the past. and then on stage, we have snow
that falls that represents love in all its forms. the robot makes a snow angel and
we begin to cry. close curtains.
Amy: um, ok. well, I love 'Just the Five of Us'!
Claude: Please, please, please, enough! Five succeeds while Robots starve.
Attendance has been poor. If I were opening this with the orchestra philharmonic de
halap in Mexico, there would be riots in the streets with small children giving me
flowers and weeping. here in Vice City they wouldn't know art unless it came as a
tube of beef jerkey. The told me, Claude, it can't be done. Vice City is for sun
worshipers and philistines. And I told them no, I told them, if I'm directing a work
of commercial dross down there. I must save my soul with some serious art. But to be
honest Amy, they were right. I feel ahead of my time. The best artists are ignored.
I mean, surely, any right minded person would rather spend an evening watching the
express the meaning of space. as they move delicately across the stage in the dance
of desire and denigration then flopping around in a disco or a nightclub or sucking
the electric teat of television.
Amy: I know I would!
Claude: God! I mean, what is wrong with you people?
Amy: God my hair!
Claude: What?
Amy: My hair, it's all wrong, it clashes with my dress.
Claude: Zeus, Sisero, Shakespeare, Floberce, someone please save me from this hell
hole. my dear, you are so interent, I'm trying to save you, to save everyone. You
don't see the art around you. Are you in search of Auld Lang Synes, singing Madame
Butterfly on a window sill or relegating yourself to a cricket in Huckleberry Finn.
I'm a movement that conquers love while you complain about your dress. Know you not
how important my mission be?
Amy: Right, cool, Ok Mr Chesterfield. I mean, huh, Mr Maginot. You've gotta hang in
there. You're on K-Chat and I'll be right back.
___________________________
| |
| t) AD13 - D'Leo and Turax |
|___________________________|
Speaker: At the law firm of D'Leo and Turax we understand that sometimes life throws
you a curveball. We help our blue-chip clients get their lives back, after
circumstances have conspired against them. Just listen:
Druggy: It was an unfortunate accident what happened to my wife on that precarious
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in the slammer.
Man: I was unfortunate enough to be found with 15 kilos in my spare tyre. I was so
mad at the auto repair shop that sold me that tyre, thanks to D'Leo and Turax the
district attorney saw it that way too.
Woman: I, I accidentally torched a Quick'E'Mart when my medication ran out. Hum,
hum. D'Leo and Turax helped me and the community by insuring a healthy settlement
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Speaker: At D'Leo and Turax we understand the juditional system and will insure the
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put on truth? Call D'Leo and Turax today at 8669742333, that's 8669SHADEE. D'Leo and
Turax accidents happen, and we'll prove it!
_______________________
| |
| u) AD14 - Ammu-Nation |
|_______________________|
Speaker: The store leading the fight against communism is having a blow out sale!
Ammu-Nation has a wide array of peacemakers! Come by Ammu-Nation on Militia Mondays,
exercise your second Amendment right and get 10% off all armor piercing bullets.
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Festival with free screening of the documentary Red Dawn! Ammu-Nation protecting
your rights!
____________________________
| |
| v) Claude Maginot - Phones |
|____________________________|
Amy: You're back on K-Chat with me, Amy, and my special guest. Let's go to the
phones!
Bruce: Mr Maginot, Bruce from Prawn Island here. Big fan of the show Mr Maginot. Big
fan. Dude, I dunno about this robot thing it's weird. Is he really 42? Does he shop
in the kids isle does he get on rollercoaster rides I mean, what's the deal. Does he
pay half price at the movies?
Claude: No comment, next caller.
Amy: Oh my god, trauma. I meant that, that's my line. I'm supposed to say...oh god
this guy is such a dick. Urgh, next caller. Oh, who's on the line? I mean, who's on
line 1? urgh, What number is it? Who's on the line?
Morgan: Hello Claude, this is Morgan. I'm just vacationing down here after finishing
my doctoral thesis into images of young boys in post lapsarian Greece an erotic
understatement in the few and contemporary baroque. Fascinating stuff. Mmmm.
Amy: Do you have a question? I'm confused.
Morgan: No, woman, I just wanted to tell Claude about my thesis and discuss his
bleaker death in Venice streets period. Of course I have a question silly girl.
Claude, I saw Robots. Big fan and that's praise indeed coming from me. I normally
hate anything humanity has achieved since 1836, but one thing fascinated me. Claude,
about the show, the pants, they were so tight, so fitted. how do you get such a
marvellous close sequined figure hugging fit and still. Hmm? And were the sequins a
reference to lasers?
Claude: Yes, yes, my, my, I agree. Thanks for calling. That is an important
question. You see, I'm an important person, and I especially think so. It is really
important to see my form move through space in very tight pants. Or the effect is
ruined. Interpretive dance cannot be expressed in baggy clothing. It's like a violin
parade otherwise, why have a love story with a manatee and the lasers? It's very
important.
Amy: You're kind of creepy. You're nothing like you are on the show, you're so funny
there, joking with the family, and putting out the fires started by the homeless
guy, and starting group hugs. But in real life you're just plain creepy. You won't
even tell us how old Jimmy is. All you talk about is Arty stuff which no-one
understands because it's complicated, and how tight your pants are.
Claude: That's not true. I also discuss love and passion and a manatee and the
lasers. You my dear could use all three. You my dear are a philistine. I'm sorry,
but this is one of the most degrading, debasing, horrific, unedifying, opportunistic
things I have ever done in my life since that whole Rake's progress lawnmower
commercial. I feel dirty, like I've just sat in something.
Amy: You did, our last guest was taken violently ill.
Claude: Yes well, such is the plight of radio. Rather then grumble like Leporello,
or a Taxi driver about my duties cleaning the back seat. I shall bid you adieu.
Amy: Okay, thanks Claude. Next we have a very important guest that doesn't dance
like a weird jerk. We'll be back right after this. You're on K-Chat!
____________________________
| |
| w) AD15 - Maibatsu Thunder |
|____________________________|
Speaker: Knights of the road, here's your stallion. The car for freedom.
Backing: Freedom!
Speaker: The car for hot excitement.
Baking: Excitement!
Speaker: The car for a man who is alone against the elements.
Backing: The Maibatsu Thunder
Speaker: The pride is back. It's the power of a compact.
Backing: Looks small but's so big.
Speaker: Fuel injected.
Backing: Inject me!
Speaker: Maibatsu Thunder. On the toll road of life you have to pay to prove you
can. Live the emotion of the individual.
Backing: Thunder!
Speaker: The awesome power of nature distilled into one vehicle.
Backing: Wow!
Speaker: Because after you get struck by lightning, there's thunder!
Backing: The Maibatsu Thunder!
_____________________________
| |
| x) AD16 - Advice about Reds |
|_____________________________|
Kid: *Laughs like a small baby*
Mom: What's this I found under your bed? The only Engle's you're going to read is
Laura Engle's Wilder.
Speaker: If you think your child might be a Red, here are some warning signs. The
read complicated literature and have concern for their fellow man. They even like
to share. Tell your kids, if someone approachs them with pamphelts about recycling,
an invitation to a Labour rally, or showing any doubts about the fariness of our
system. Then they should find a teacher or a policeman immediately.
___________________________________
| |
| y) AD17 - Pastor Richard's Statue |
|___________________________________|
Pastor: Do yourself a favour, take both hands off the wheel and touch the stereo, do
you feel the power? Ah yes friend, there' a lot of evil in this world, but there's
also light. And I have been sent to shine a light on all degenerates,
philanerderers, Liberals and other evil doers and expose them for what they really
are. Don't waste your money on unnessacery and corrupting material possesions, give
it to me. There's only one thing that will save you. A highly fortified structure in
the shape of the most powerful thing on the planet, me. Degenerates will ruin this
great city. In my wonderful book I tell of the impending disaster about to befall
this planet, nuclear holocaust, plagues of flying rodents, the seas rising up and
turning yellow. It is coming, it is written by me but you can save yourself.
Contribute to the Pastor Richards Salvation Statue Fund, pick up your telephone call
now, 1-866-9SAVEME
_________
| |
| z) Thor |
|_________|
Amy: Hi! And welcome back. If you're just joining us, you're listening to K-Chat,
Vice City's only commercial talk station. The place where the stars shining
conversation with you and me. I'm Amy Sheckenhausen my next guest is a rising star
in the world of Norse Mythology. He's appeared in several best selling Informercials
and travels the globe speaking at corporate training camps. His books and audio
casstetes are sold around the world. He's Valahla's finest diety and motivational
speaker, Thor.
Thor: Hi! Hello Amy, I'm happy to be here, it's been a long journey.
Amy: Uh, yeah. Now I don't know much about you, I mean I read Beowulf, well, I
didn't but I read the cover. But like, you're a Viking right?
Thor: Did the tunaskin-goatskin boots give you a clue maybe? I am a Viking. And a
Viking that will not only help you unleash the fury's but unleash yourself. It's in
my Thor's Norse Power Program.
Amy: Okay, I'm a little confused. Well, I'm a lot confused. I was taught in school
that Vikings were bloodthirsty and violent!
Thor: An elder once taught me, you must unlearn what you have learnt. Of course then
he died of the green plague. There are some Vikings that are a bloodthirsty lot yes.
But no more then anyone else, really. We're a nomadic people Amy, we have cold fire
in our soles. You have that fire too Amy, you've just lost it since you got in
television. Now, that being said, I'll answer you question. We're mostly non-
violent, though many of the Vikings travelled to Scotland. And min ya, anyone who
goes there will turn bloodthirsty, you can't understand the lot are saying. It's all
afore, reckle, aboot, dinnea, it's enough to make you want to burn a village to the
ground. That's why in my casstete series, I talk about the importance of
communication. You see Amy, men and women live in different worlds. We use different
words. A group of men talk about what they've killed, how to start a fire, who ahs
the best longboat. Women talk about keeping the longhouse tidy and their feelings.
When I'm raiding a village I don't need to be talking about feelings, it's time for
action!
Amy: Great! So is that all there is to being a Viking? Pillaging?
Thor: No, lass, no, pillaging and battle are important but we admire poetry as well,
as long as it's poems about whacking someone in with a doublehanded battle axe.
What's holding you back Amy? In Chapter 3 of my book I talk about listening to the
blood thirsty water spirit. It's really quite important if you want to enter
Valhalla.
Amy: I think I went there last night! Uh, no, umm that was Malibu but it's the same
sort of thing. Valhalla was that goth club wasn't it? So 1983. But right, what does
being a Viking have to do with anything? This is the 20th century. We have
elecricity, penecilin, jet planes, implants, well, I don't, but I want some, but I
heard the operation is really grose. You live like it's 982AD or something.
Thor: Mind your toungue whench, lest I cut it out. Deep down all of you listening to
me say Thor, yes, I'd like to unleash the Viking within. Maybe you go camping every
year or hunting, and wonder why it feels so natural. That's because it is, so much
as denying your instincts. Men shaving you know deep down in the pit of your sole
you wish you could crouch in the grass with flies biting your face afraid to move
for fear of alerting the beasts. Covering yourself with Yak urine to thwart your
smell, then a beast draws close, you pounce, bringing your battleaxe on it's skull!
Man and animal at that moment, one and the same in a terrible beauty. Then you drag
the carcase back to camp and celebrate by eating it's heart! Some people they only
do this once in their lifetime, I do this everyday. And so can you, all it takes is
some positive thinking. Just atend by Unleash the Norse Within weekend. When you
are finished you will say, I am a God! Nobody can stop me! I crush my enemies and
dance on their funeral pyres. This is very helpful for living in suburbia Amy, and I
should know.
Amy: I really don't understand how.
Thor: Oh, it's very helpful. Maybe a neighbor is tossing leaf clippings on your
lawn, looking at your woman, or harboring desires regarding your longboat. You
enslave his children, set his house on fire. He shall not bother you again.
Amy: Huh, it must be nice to have you as a neighbor, not.
Thor: I live in no place longer then needed to fulfil my goals, taking slaves,
valuables and food. Goal settings is very important Amy, not just in football.
Amy: You're very wierd and creeping me out a bit. But whatever, no weirder then
anything else. So what do you think of Vice City?
Thor: Ah, I like it very much. Your women here are prepared for battle. They are
large, not like the scrawny things up north. A woman who eats well provides for her
man. You cannot set sail for robbing and pillaging on an empty stomach. It's like
the story of the Parson's Wife and the Troll.
Amy: I don't think I've ever heard of that one.
Thor: Great Carloson. Ye mainlanders have no historical perspective. Read the runes!
It's all right there. Talk to a grandparent. But no, you cast people out like
rubbish. Wisdom is not to be treated so lightly. When my father grew old, I sat with
him day and night absorbing his wisdom. Learning about the demons and where the
wickedness presides in men's hearts. And as his time grew near, I built a large pyre
and burnt him and his wife while communing with old spirit.
Amy: Careful. Musty Pines is a sponsor of this show. Uh, grody. What are you doing?
Thor: I'm just adjusting myself she devil. Wearing these animals hides does get a
bit itchy.
Amy: Um, okay You never answered my question. What do you think of Vice City?
Thor: Your land and people have a lot in commomn with mine. You see, we too fled our
homes due to lack fo food, over population and the bitter cold, and my gee starting
out to raid passing ships is fine. But we needed a new land to have our way with.
Granted we rode and sailed to an area, land and forest and burned down a local
monastry or village. Whereas you come in, destroy all the creatures and sell palstic
versions of them. You did a fine job pillaging these lands. But you should have
something about Canada.
Amy: Wait a minute there buster, my mother's half canadian.
Thor: Oh, what are you going to do wench? Sweep the ice furiously at me? Socialise
medicine? Nah, you did it all wrong. You should have continued to the north and
finished things off. I talk about this in me motivational learning tape. That and
beware the magpie. She's the devil. Evil raineth when darkness falls.
Amy: Are you married, you seem like a tough chracter to live with.
Thor: Ay, my wife Helga. What a hag.
Amy: This show is not sexist. Whatever certain bearded women might say. Women are
people too. I'd appreciate if you wouldn't talk that way.
Thor: Ah! Go live in a chimney ye troll! Ye 20th centry women are all the same. And
me hag Helga, she felt pradiy up in her ways. She says to me, Thor I ain't having no
mead no more, I'm going to meetings. See, that's ye problem. As soon as you sort
something out, you have to go preaching from the rooftops to everyone else, how to
live, not pillage nor plunder no more, but live in boxes. Then she says, Thor, I'm
getting my stomach stapled I look fat. I now fat as two yak skins when previously it
was only one. I said, whench! Dont' come crying to me when we're in a longboat
crossing the straights for two moons adn you're all skin and bones. A man needs
something to grab onto. Aye, ain't her fault. A cursed pizie goblin got her.
Amy: Pixie Goblin? What kind of weird ancient nonsense are you talking about? Now,
Thor, I've got to ask you, how old are you?
Thor: I'm as old as the fjords and as a young as a new born lamb.
Amy: Are you shy about your age? Just lie about it like my mom.
Thor: Thor is never shy! Thor is mighty, THor is a god!
Amy: And where are you from?
Thor: From the beggining of the flat earth where the sun meets the sky.
Amy: Oh right, by the beach, great. Let's take a commercial break, we'll be right
back with Thor! he's a real Viking! Yeah right whatever.
__________________________
| |
| aa) AD18 - Medallion Man |
|__________________________|
Fernando: Hello, I am Fernando Martinez, I think by now you know I am an emotional
kind of guy. People stop me in the street and say, Fernando what the hell is wrong
with me? Silk-shirt, hairy chest, enough aftershave to drown a household pet, but I
still cannot get a woman. And I tell them, you are an ignorant fool. Without the
symbol of power and fertility around your nexk, What knid of woman is going to
respect you? That's why I've teamed up with Medallion Man, the shop for medallion
needs. Medalion Man caters to all levels of masculinity, for the strong silnet type
a medallion the size of a hub cap will say everything that needs to be said. Even
singing medallions for the Casanova who knows music is the food of love. My old
drains, thal houses, dipers, whatever your interest, we've got the medallion for
you. Don't forget, every woman knows, if you can't support amedalion, you can't
support a family.
__________________________
| |
| ab) AD19 - Synth and Son |
|__________________________|
Speaker: We have some sad news for you.. Rock & Roll is dead, and pop is in! Why
not discover the excitement of the science of music yourself, at Synths & Son - the
home of keyboards! Thanks to the science of music, you don't need musical talent to
make great music. Just listen...I created that, just by pressing a button.
Synthesizers are the new way! Why work hard on difficult compositions, when a
machine can make music better than you've ever dreamed of? You'll be the hit of the
party! It's perfect for in restaurant entertainment, cover bands, and funerals. Make
fuse funky, and death marches danceable! It's the science of music at Synth & Son.
Remember - you don't know youre a great musician, until you try!
___________________
| |
| ac) Thor - Phones |
|___________________|
Amy: We're back on K-Chat, with me, Amy, and my guest is Thor. Viking Warrior and
self help guru. Do you have last name? Anyway, what were we talking about?
Thor: We were talking about the wisdom of the ancients. There are many hurdles in
life Amy, I remember one of the first bit of fanmail I got. It came by bottle in the
sea. A man of loolard island said, a tiny woman came to our farm and swept in front
of our door, a woodland troll has carried off my woman in the dead of night. Give me
wisdom Thor!
Amy: So, what did you tell him?
Thor: Hi Amy, it was obvious the black plague had visited his home. As sure as you
can't be a midwife to a fairy, expect wisdom from a fool, or find a good meal
Downtown on a Saturday night.
Amy: Ok, I don't um I really have nothing to ask you. Because I really don't think
we're bonding quite right here. I'm more then a little confused. Let's go to the
phones! You're on K-Chat with Thor!
Jay: Yes hello Thor, my names Jay. I'm a huge fan man. Your book really helped me
through puberty. Everyone else was into vampires and stuff. I'd just got into the
Viking thing it's pretty cool. It's been working pretty well for me. Anyway, my
girlfriend and I, we fight all the time. She's always calling to check up on me. It
really totally sucks, it's a drag. Like I hang out at the stripmall with all my
boys, and she shows up. Is there any advice you can give me?
Thor: Ah yes. There was the man that asked for a nights lodging at a certain farm on
the eve of Maunday Thursday, or maybe it was fat Tuesday. Anyway in the course of
the night the old woman of the house took that a hortnet sab and smeared herself
with it from head to toe. She then climbed on top of the stove, sat astride a
sweeping broom and began to...
Amy: Uh, hello, excuse me. What the hell are you talking about?
Thor: Reading from the Runes whench!
Amy: What kind of rune is that?
Thor: Ah, it's a man's rune and not appropraite for the warrior under 18 years old.
But there's a moral at the end. Are you still there fairjay?
Jay: Ah yeah. I'm still here.
Thor: Do you love this woman?
Amy: Yeah, I, uh think so. She's really special. Special in the backseat if you know
what I mean Thor.
Thor: Then behead her! And parade thy love around on a stick for the world to
admiree.
Jay: Wow, cool, thanks Thor!
Amy: OK I'd like to throw you out but you've got an enormous sword and uh, arh,
yeah. Let's take another call. But first listeners, Vice City, remember don't behead
your girlfriend and take her head around on a stick. Hello, you're on K-Chat with
Thor!
TJay: Hey brother. My name is TJay. Your book is fresh. Real fresh. Like it's been a
real inspiration and all that. it's most definately on me and my crew's vibe. And
that Loci brother, he as slicker as Slaivex. You know what I mean trooper? In fact,
me and my boys have started a Thor fanclub. You know what I'm rapping? We're on
your vibe man.
Thor: Aye, a Thor fanclub. This pleases Thor very much. I shall speak of myself in
the 3rd person from now on.
TJay: Uh, uh, yeah I wasn't really into school all that much. But I hear you Thor.
So anyway, we have this fanclub right, and instead of naming it something like The
Vice Lords of Valhalla we gave it like a, a modern name, keeping things firmly in
the '80's you know. The Bloods. Ain't that off the wall man? We follow your
teachings to the letter sir. Especially how you go around smiting fools with that
wildman hammer of yours. And getting people to know exactly what time it is. You
hear?
Thor: Have you a magic hammer?
TJay: Nah T, we don't have any olden types round here to strap us with superfly
hardware like yours. But we do have Mac 10s, Tec 9's, Tray 8's StreetSweepers and
all that. Are you still on my vibe man?
Thor: Aye, I like the sound of this. Me thinks I want to join your group. Do you
pillage proper?
TJay: Hell yeah, we do it like a viking. You ought to come party with us. We'll even
make you a hounaray Blood. Word.
Thor: Ah, indiscrimitave pillaging. This is, as we say, the school of old. When I am
done with the whench, we shall meet. Till then beware the Frost Giant, TJay and the
serpant with two tounges.
TJay: Uh, yeah, ok whatever, yo brother! Where did you land that funky fresh silver
helmet of yours? Those wings on the side are wicked money!
Amy: Stop calling me a whench!
Thor: I have much to teach you whench Amy. Only if you would listen. For many
centuaries people have asked questions. Why has my fadded calf gone after the gypsie
woman appeared? Are there trolls living in my chimney? Aye sure, I could tell you
the story of twelve children on the platter or the midsummers snow. And the spirit
hatched from the cock's egg. But in the end Amy, you need a spirit journey. A
wandering spirit demands a wandering body. Take a longboat. Pack only what you can
carry. Head toward the moon at high tide.
Amy: Ok thanks for the advice. And with that revelation, I'm going to have to change
topics. That was Thor viking warrior. Coming up next, we have another guest. We'll
be back, right after this.
______________________________________
| |
| ad) AD20 - Rusty Brown's Ring Donuts |
|______________________________________|
Speaker: How do you like to enjoy a Rusty Brown's Ring Donut?
Man: I like to lick lovingly around the outside and then trust my tongue in the
middle.
Woman: I like to munch it vigourously.
Man: I just love the batter, all over my face.
Man: On Friday nights I just can't stop eating Rusty Brown's Ring Donuts.
Woman: Oh my god! it's so good.
Man: Sometimes I like to wear women's panties and walk around 5th Street.
Speaker: When you go Downtown, make sure you enjoy Rusty Brown's Ring Donuts.
______________________________________
| |
| ae) AD21 - Think your Way to Success |
|______________________________________|
Jeremy: Hi, I'm Jeremy Rowbar. Entrepreneur, VIP and founder of the revolutionary
program Think Your Way to success. It's a three step program that's been changing
lifes, and my income, for the last two years. Five years ago, I was a nobody just
like you. After my Think Your Way to success program I spend the entire weekend in
my jacuzzi. Or engaging in the exciting sport of domino toppling. Hey, if you can
think it you can do it. One of my award winning courses is sure to be perfect for
you. The first course is I call, Think, Hold that Thought, Complete because that's
what you do. Step two is known as Learn, Start doing, where I explain the mysteries
of starting. Or take the new excellerated course that'll have you laughing and
higgin strangers. Motivate, Demonstrate, then motivate again. Just listen to these
endorsments. And remember, these people volunteered. They aren't being paid much.
Man: I've been on the Think, Hold That Thought, Complete program and I have to say,
I'm finally gonna start my career as a well paid rich person.
Man: Yeah, I've been thinking my way to success for a while now. It's some good
stuff.
Jeremy: Call now and sign up for my Think Your Way to Success program, and if you
want to think really fast, try my Krank It Out program. Call 1-866-434SELF. Hey,
don't just do it. Think about it.
______________________________
| |
| af) AD22 - Complete the Look |
|______________________________|
Speaker: Sweaty leather tracksuit? Absurdly fat day glow laces? Something missing?
Backing: Complete the look.
Speaker: Complete the look, with a replica car sign insignia on a chunky gold plate
chain. At Vice City's one stop shop for people who know how to put the hip into hip-
hop.
Backing: Wow, you look fresh.
Speaker: Complete the look.
_________________
| |
| ag) Jez Torrent | Thanks to PSY who wrote all the Jez Torrent stuff
|_________________| out! (I added the names but thats it, Psy did the rest)
Amy: God, can we play more commercials on this station, this station in about me.
what? oh, hmm, Hi, Im Amy. So right. We're back, I'm here with like, oh my god this
is so exciting, but now Im here with Jez Torrent, a Rock god all the way from
Scotland, England. So Jez, Im sorry as you can tell oooooooh, Im a really huge fan
of love fist
Jez: Hey, hey, hey, hey, Dinnae say sorry babe, you are a woman of substance and I
like that
Amy: Thanks, yeah, thanks, thats cool, and oh, Jez, who is that thing with you?
Jez: Dinnae mind Mandy, I think she's zoning out a little bit arent ya man, look
shes gotta take me 24/7, you know what Im saying, poor lassie she's had a torrent
of Jez more than one girl can take eh, say hello man
Mandy: Hi Paul, angle, where are we?
Jez: err, the rock lifestyle hasnae been to good to her, man just go away and sit in
the lobby until Im finished hen.
Mandy: Check the fridge
Amy: Is she ok, I mean apart from being an UGLY CHEAP COW, she looks half dead.
Jez: aye, she, hey, hey, hey, seriously man dinnae cramp my style, Im an artist
Mandy: uh, heh, ok jezzy, so Jez, I was listening to your album on my boom box all
weekend, like how is it, aaah, I mean you know, you're really, totally famous, no
way, I mean, uuuuhhh like, so anyway, How. Are. You?
Jez: Cool Man, Im cool, things are good, u cant O.D. on love, and I have tried. The
tour is really something special, you Americans, you really know how to rock and
roll man, not like back home.
Amy: I'm so confused, is that because the new album didnt do so well in the UK?
Jez: Its that thasher thatcher, I sing about working class people, trying to make
it through a tough life, I sing about the things they want, trashing hotel rooms,
wearing glitter on your eyes, and waking up in a ditch next to a totalled sports
car, when you make minimum wage, love conquers all, no what I mean Sheila?
Amy: uh, the names Amy, heh
Jez: Aye right, what ever. Like as was sayin man, right, Im an artist, I aint in
this for the money, if I were, would I be wearing these clothes? its because the
critics dont know, you know, they stand there and they do not know, have they ever
really listened to the lyrics to Burry Me Deep Inside? eh, if the music isn't what
they want to hear, if the songs, aint the right songs, you know, if things arent
in their space, or whatever, right man, u know thats my choice you know, because I
am love fist and the thing is right theyre not, and if they dont get it, and if
they're not riding my wave that day man, well, you know, I aint gonna go crying
puppies, just because their dog is teething you know, as far as these idiots are
concerned Im a man, but I tell you sweet heart Ive been over to the other side
baby, and man, oh, man its beautiful, but these idiots man, they've not been there
Amy: Ok, riiiight, this last album wasn't you're best selling, was it. I dont even
think it charted in the UK!
Jez: What is a chart man? A piece of paper, bring that to a concert and Ill set it
on FIRE. I aint no Ronald Regan of rock babe, album charts are the metaphor for
human isolation, and the break down of interaction. I say its time to ROCK. right
Mand
Amy: Right jimmy
Jez: Thats right, because I say it it, because sweet heart (Mandy - I left the
stove on) man, I am love fist, the biggest band in the world.
Amy: Yeah, but you and Dick, and Percy, and Willie, you're all love fist, the four
Scottish horsemen of the apocalypse, fist till morning, take it on the chin, Zinked
Efficiency, four boys against your face great tracks, what memories, and here you
say you dedicate the album to the children of the night, who are they?
Jez: No, no, no, no sweet heart man, babe, lets get one thing straight, here,
hello, *taps mic* are we recording here, this is for the record right, testing,
testing, testing, now listen. Love-Fist-Is-Jez-Torrent, I sing the songs sweet
heart, its my face on the merchandise, you see us in concert you see four men,
rockin' and dancin' with tears in their eyes. You will see, I am love fist, he who
pays the piper, plays the tune.
Amy: Oooohhhh, I didnt know you had a piper in the band.
Jez: Love, I was talking metaphorically, Im a poyet, condensed meaning,
enlightenment, we're a family living in death valley, but I walk alone, I am on a
spiritual journey, and if Percy or Willie or Dick, or anybody stands in my way, the
contract says Ill walk, Ive been dragged back, and held down, and embarrassed by
those guys, but you know, its part of being in a band man, like wearing make-up.
Amy: Yeah, but wasnt Percy voted guitarist of the year by Kerrap Rock Monthly?
Jez: Look, I love the whole bit with the fuzzy guitar bit, but he's over rated love,
right, without the torrents of abuse, love fist would be over, and the new contract
reflects that, as an artist its really important that I make a lot of money right
Mand. we need to keep you and you're fringe and you're diamonds and that, eh?
Amy: yeah, rock on, keep, roger, what a trip.
Jez: ah, shut up ya silly tart.
Amy: Uh, lets take a caller. hello, oh, ooh, wuh.. you're on the line with love
fist. Hi
Wayne: Yo, this is Wayne man, hoh, Hey guys, Im on the phone with love fist, Hey
whats up Jez, Im a huge fan, I go to all of your concerts, I get crazy, I wear my
love fist t-shirt everyday, even when Im with my old lady, hey I heard theres
subliminal messages in you're videos, is that true?
Jez: Listen, seriously, the big hair, the limousines, the girls, the partying, the
clubs, the hotel suites, another TV smashed into a thousand pieces right, after my
unfortunate incident in Cleveland, I told the press, I dont like Mondays. This
livens up the day, if you're asking me if we was using bat mask, the music is
reversible, but time is not, do you want me to say, Congradulations you have just
discovered the secret message, dreams are made to be broken, like so many broken
dreams, I want to pick up the pieces together, god.. I am so creative, love, oh wow,
I think Ive just wrote a song. Maybe Ill write a song about you. eh. but anyway,
like I say, that stuff it doesnae matter, not for me , Im a spiritual person on a
journey, right, and nothing will stand in my way, you know.
Wayne: Boy, do I. on the track Satan's Pillows, you sang about how a broken heart
Jez: Bout how a broken heart cant ever be mended, just broken again, I know, really
powerful stuff, emotional, I think that song says everything that needs to be said
about love man, when you belong to the night, its best to take advantage of it, and
what takes you up, will take you down man, if everyone remembered that, the world
would be ok, thanks love, you are a real smart cookie.
Amy: Thanks Jez, now, do you think its important that, well, I mean, you're a great
looking guy, even though you're girlfriend is a CHEAP TRAMP, but do you think that
its important that rock and roll bands look good? or is it about the music?
Jez: Like I said, Im a creature with two faces babe, you know, an angel and a
devil. and that means its really important to look good, music cannot stand on its
own, you need to look good singin' it. I'm tired of people saying all we care about
is partying, and that we cannae play, if we couldnae play, then people wouldnae come
to our concerts, we're not going away, and if we do it wont be on purpose.
Mandy: Where are we dear creek
Jez: We're on the radio love, stop dagging me down, I told ya, if you ride a
whirlwind, dont be surprised when the dawn breaks, anyway, where were we?
Amy: AAAAAHHHH, she's really getting on my nerves, w..why are you waving your hands
at me, oh, Im supposed to go to a commercial, Ill be right back
___________________________
| |
| ah) AD23 - Farewell Ranch |
|___________________________|
Speaker: Howdy! Welcome to Farewell Ranch. They say the golden years are the best of
your life, but for many seniors they just stink up the house and make the grandkids
feel uncomfortable with unfound connection. Now, your old people can be earning you
money and enjoying their final years at Farewell Ranch it's a working farm, cattle
ranch and a crematiorium where the cowboys are all over 75. They'll enjoy rodeos,
working in the fields and tending all the final resting places of their new friends
on Sunshine Hill. Farewell Ranch works your loved ones from sun up to sun down. And
when your loved one passes away we'll send you a presentation package, VHS with the
spurs and boots they were wearing as they went onto a better world. Our residents
sure love it here right Norm?
Norm: Is this WW2.
Speaker: Farewell Ranch. The only way to ride into the sunset.
_________________________
| |
| ai) AD24 - Giggle Cream |
|_________________________|
Backing: Gi,gi gi,gi Giggle Cream! Wa,wa wa,wa,wa,wa wa wa,wa wa,wa That's the sound
I love.
Man: Stop the morning, you make my night
Woman: With Giggle Cream with everything, you make life bright
Man: Getting tired of my faith, laughing and getting high
Woman: With giggle cream, get the feeling, and what's more fun than that?
Backing: Gi,gi gi,gi Giggle Cream! Wa,wa wa,wa,wa,wa wa wa,wa wa,wa That's the sound
I love.
Man: Giggle cream! It makes desert funny!
______________________________
| |
| aj) AD25 - Complete the Look |
|______________________________|
Speaker: Asian pyjamas, chinese bandana. Something missing?
Backing: Complete the look!
Speaker: With a throwing star, kendo sticks, or nue chucks. At Vice City's one stop
shop for the silent fashion assasin.
Backing: Wow, you look like a psycho!
Speaker:: Complete the look.
_________________________________
| |
| ak) Jez Torrent - Pools of Pain | Again, thanks to Psy for this bit
|_________________________________|
Amy: Hi, Im Amy, and you're on K-Chat. Jez you were telling me about the music.
Jez: Aye, You know, we wear these costumes to appeal to the working man, because
after you spend a day working in a steel mill, you want to wear leathes clothes and
play air guitar. Thats what we're about, the recent album was a musical trip
through hell, and I think it shows.
Amy: Oh Yeah, it does.
Jez: I mean, I saw Satan, he didnt like what he saw in me, he saw darkness, but
also a gently side. ask Mand, I can find treasure in the dark. And its that em...
its that eh.... err.. whats the word?
Amy: Thing?
Jez: Yeah, thats the thing that typifies me as an artist, heart and soul, head and
trousers, everything, thats what you get at one of my shows, Jez Torrent and Love
Fist will really show you, you know, we take the soul into darkness, bring your
lighters, you know, I invented that, I've about had it with wankers ripping off my
vibe, I wore womens clothing first, why? because it tells you about light and
darkness, like the moon, but seriously love, you've got great eyes, really.
Amy: Oh, heh, thanks Jez, Ive always thought that your music really lets people see
into your soul.
Jez: Right into great big pools of pain like me, Dangerous Bastard, you see babe,
Ive had my heart broken and I am still a man, Im working on a song right now
called fallen stars on shattered dreams in the rain, its about being able to
communicate through music rather than words, its set in a wind tunnel, thats why
theres a huge snake painted on my jacket, the snake symbolises kind of a...
subconscious power force, because, life is pain babe, and without music Id be lost.
This new album is our most mature work yet. I am brilliant on it, because I sing
from the heart.
Amy: About... Heart break?
Jez: Babe, babe, babe, dont go there please, do your show a favour, take it easy,
my people spoke to your people about this, and seriously, I appreciate the offer,
and look, I would shag u, but you have to understand, its too soon.
Amy: Because sherry left you.
Jez: babe, babe, my people spoke to this about your people I said do not mention
sherry, its like sticking needles in my soul, voodoo, who are you, are you my
personal devil, that you could do this to me that pain is too much, I have hair on
my face to hide my soul, Sherry had to go, because the wanted to be a marine. We
couldnt be together, seriously, dont go there.
Amy: ah, uhuhuhuh, uh, this is so sad *sniff* do you have a tissue out there, oh
Jez, Im so sorry.
Jez: Seriously love, if you listen to the song dragon eyes, it says everything that
needs to be said about her, you cant help me, its raw like a chickens head you know,
the pain it grips you, and makes you think about everything. Its the longest night
of all, December of the soul.
Amy: Jez *sniff* This has been the best interview *sniff* of my life, thanks so much
for coming on. For all of you love fist fans out there, its time for a contest.
Jez: Thats right, ladies, gents, youre listening to me, Jez Torrent on K-Chat
being interviewed by, by,
Amy: It's Amy. Oh god, you forgot my name?
Jez: Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Citizens of Vice City, now you've got the opportunity to
win a part of me, my signature, ink. I only give away parts of me to people who have
bought all our records. So you've got to answer this: On which album does Beast Fist
appear? Was it a: Dog's on Heat, b: Fat Chicks, All Day All Night or c: Devil's Own
Band.
Amy: For the chance to win tons of Love Fist prizes, just answer the question. All
you need to do is write the answer on a postcard and send it into the station. Jez,
before you go, will you please play us a song acoustic?
Jez: Piss off! Acoustic songs are for sissys! Babe, seriously, do not cramp my
style. I've got to save up the love for the big show. Babe, I love you, I really do.
Friends for life. Dancing in the fire and all that. Always good to meet a fan. Will
you look after Mand for us will ya?
Mandy: Aww, I lost my lighter again.
Jez: LOVE FIST!
Amy: That was the dreamy Jez Torrent of Love Fist who are appearing this week in
Vice City as part of their world tour. bring your lighters and a spare pair of
panties. I know I will. We'll be right back on K-Chat after these messages, thanks.
________________________________
| |
| al) AD26 - The American Thing! |
|________________________________|
Speaker: What makes a real American? A cowboy hat? Enjoying a fine T-bone steak?
Going to a baseball game? Shooting a gun? Maybe its the freedom to go into a poor
country and tell them how to do things! Heh! Those are all great qualities! But one
thing that makes a true patriot is the ability to choose an American car. When you
buy an import you take a hot meal off a hard working Americans table. There,
there! This poor girl is going to starve to death, just because you bought a
cheaper, more efficient Maibatsu. Without gross symbols of excess, what will
Americans have to look up to? Our great industries are threatened! Cars,
pornography, armaments! And they need your help! So the next time you buy a car, a
piece of adult literature or a missile defence system! Make sure you do the American
thing!
_________________________
| |
| am) AD27 - Pet Stuffers |
|_________________________|
Old Man: Old Max. We go everywhere together. Right boy?
Speaker: At Pet Stuffers, we know there's nothing like the relationship between a
man and his dog. Sometimes you just can't let go.
Old Man: Max, you didn't eat your food. That's the second week in a row. Max?
Speaker: When the unspeakable happens, just put your four-legged friend in the
fridgerator or freezer, then call Pet Stuffers! We'll be there within a week to pick
him up and in less then a month he'll back as good as new. Through an Ancient
Egyptian miracle process called Taxidermy you and your best friend will always be
together.
Old Man: Yeah, that's a good dog.
Speaker: Pet Stuffers, when you just can't let go. And coming soon,
Grandparents Forever!
__________________________
| |
| an) AD28 - Sissy Spritze |
|__________________________|
Backing: Higher!
Speaker: The key to feeling great is looking great, and the way to look great is to
have good hair - that's great!
Backing: Take your hair higher! Take-your-hair to-the-limit!
Speaker: Use Sissy Spritze when your clubbing, or sticking your head out of a
stretch limo sunroof, you want to know your hair is performing to the limit.
Backing: Higher! Gonna get higher than the stars!
Speaker: With Sissy Spritze, it's hair for the future, not the past. When you have
great hair, people know you're a winner!
Backing: Gotta fly on my own hair tonight!
Speaker: Sissy Spritze may cause dry mouth, dilated pupils, paranoia, heart
palpitations and nose bleeds, plus your hair will be great!
________________________
| |
| ao) Michelle Carapadis |
|________________________|
Amy: This is K-Chat, welcome back to the show. I'm Amy Sheckenhausen and next up,
we're going to be interviewing someone who's got a lot to say for herself. A woman
weho pretended to be a man and wrote a book about it. I haven't read it, but I'm
going to pretned I did. She's professer of Anthrososiology and womens studies at the
University of Vice City. And her name's Micheala Crapis. Crapadis. Micheala.
Michelle. Hi, welcome to K-Chat.
Michelle: hello.
Amy: Hi, so michelle, you're a teacher?
Michelle: If you mean professor yes i have a doctorate, teachers are homely women
who make minimum wage to keep the teenage boys off the streets during the day. I am
very intelligent and I'd rather talk about that. I'm trying to sell my book
Amy: Ok, now it says here that you wanted to be a man so much, you dressed up like
one.
Michelle: Well that's a load of crap my dear. more massagenistic propaganda I hate
men, can't bear them, I think they're a complete waste of time and space quite
frankly and a disaster for the planet.
Amy: Me too, I just got dumped.
Michelle: Oh well it is unfortunate you measure yourself worth in relation to a man
my dear. look at you. you could be an attractive girl. if you did some physical
labour, cut your hair short, grew out your body hair and wore boots for example. You
mustn't get sucked into their hetropatirarcy.
Amy: But I like dating, having someone buy you dinner is great.
Michelle: Well we'll come back to you and your problems accepting who you really
are. Let's talk about me a bit more
Amy: Ok, so, tell me about your book. you hate men a lot. and you dressed up like
one, and now you've written a book about it. Right?
Michelle: more or less. as i said I'm very itelligent so i don't expect you to
understand my dear but I'll try to keep it simple. I've always been fascinated with
the world of men, revolted of course, but fascintated. Now, as an acemdemic I can
get paid to write a book about pretty much anything as long as I give it a
complicated title. Are you with me gourgeous?
Amy: Ooh, I think so.
Michelle: Good, then hold my hand, it helps me think.
Amy: No!
Michelle: Ok, ok, sorry. don't be so weird. god, everywhere I go just like the
university, won't let me display my beutiful and sensual woodcuts in the student
comments. It makes me so angry! Where was I?
Amy: You were talking about yourself.
Michelle: Oh of course. The ego is a dangerous thing specially in my case, I'm a
jungeon, anyway, so what I did was dress up like a man and enter into the man world.
I can tell you it was more horrifiing then I imagined.
Amy: What did you do?
Michelle: Well, the first chapter, I was a roofer. These sexist spend all day on a
roof talking about us amy. I was expected to sit around and talk about what I had
done to women, of course I had to so not to blow my cover.
Amy: So what's the name of your book?
Michelle: Yes, as mentioned hitherto, my book has a very very obtuse title. Being
and Seeing, From Freud to the Building Sites, a Woman's Journey into the Male Psychy.
Amy: Huh? What?
Michelle: I'll admit it's not very catchy. But Academia is not about getting to the
point. It's about exploration.
Amy: Ok, wow, I'm learning a lot today.
Michelle: So I entered the world of men, in disguise of course, I was dressed like a
man.
Amy: Ok, and you haven't changed back?
Michelle: What, what did you say?
Amy: You're still dressed like a man.
Michelle: No I'm not, these are my normal clothes. For gods sake Amy, don't fall
prey to the patriarichy's evil fashion schemes!
Amy: Oh, sorry.
Michelle: Anyway, I learned a lot when I was a man. Did you know for example that
during my time as a steelworker in Pittsburg, I learned that men sometimes speak
crudely about women when they are out of earshot. I was horrified. Or that men
regard some women, like you Amy, as mere sex toys. Things for their amusemtn.
Unbelieveable! Or that men actually find sports intersting! It's appaling. And they
run the world my pretty, oh yes, they run the world.
Amy: They do?
Michelle: Yeah. Look at Reagan, look at Thatcher, look at Gorbechef, when we stay
home and bake cookies, well screw that sweetheart.
Amy: Yes, I agree.
Michelle: Good, don't bake a cookie, smash him in the face with a baking tray
instead. he's a brainless dolt, he's a man. Did you know men enjoy looking at
pictures of naked women, it's called pornography, it's sick and foul. I'm giving a
talk about it this weekend at the women's centre. That's women with a y.
Amy: Hah, I think you spelt it wrong.
Michelle: Are you a woman Amy? Three of the five letters that make up your
description are M. A. N. You're too dependant on men amy. that's why I don't call
myself a woman amy.
Amy: Um, ok.
Michelle: I bet this radio station is owned by a man, white male conservatives
monopolise the media selecting right wing blondes to proporgate conservatism.
Amy: I don't have blonde hair.
Michelle: Not yet Amy, not yet. Did you know men drink beer, smoke cigarettes and
wear hats?
Amy: Well, yeah.
Michelle: Heh well, you must have read my book. I've discovered a lot of things. I
was also a policeman and an untrained brainsurgeon. They're all the same, all women
haters.
Amy: Just because they like sports and hats, doesn't mean they hate women does it?
Michelle: You self hating fool! Of course it does! The media, meaning you falsely
portrays feminists as bra burners, out dated combat boot wearing, bad mothers. Why
don;t you take your top off right now Amy huh? Tell them you won't be censored any
more!
Amy: No! I'm getting a little bit freaked out here, ah buh, hit the, buh
_________________________
| |
| ap) AD29 - The Military |
|_________________________|
Speaker: Do you in (interputed) we'll teach you how to make beds, march in squares,
shine shooes, clean bathrooms, kill a man with your bare hands and do it all with
pride. The military teaches you all the skills you'll need later in life. Call 1-880-
BEAHERO. And become a real man today.
______________________
| |
| aq) Commercial Break |
|______________________|
Amy: Why are you waving you hands? Oh, I'm supposed to hit the other commercial.
_________________________________
| |
| ar) AD30 - Yuppie and the Alien |
|_________________________________|
Speaker: This fall, a new hard-hitting police drama is coming to Friday night. He
was a well to do cop, transferred to a trouble precinct, downtown. His new partner
is a space traveller, with a passion for justice. It's Yuppie and the Alien!
Captain: Look! You may vaporize dissidents in Alpha Centauri, but in this precinct,
we do things by the book!
Yuppie: I'm so terribly sorry, captain.
Googan: Zagh! Googan sorry!
Speaker: Don't miss this one of a kind police drama. They're fighting crime the hard
way, in designer clothes, with a quarter of a million dollar sports car, and a UFO.
Yuppie: Partner, let's go cruise in the car and look moody.
Speaker: One tough, downtown precinct, two outsiders, doing things their way, Yuppie
and the Alien, on VBC.
____________________________
| |
| as) AD31 - BJ's Used Autos |
|____________________________|
BJ: Hi, I'm BJ Smith, tied in for the Vice City Mambas and proud proprieter of BJ's
Used Autos. Cars from all over America come to find a new home on Florida, just like
you. I moved here after the draft, football not Vietnam, even though they do have a
lot in common, I notcied there was one thing missing from this great town, a
celebrity endorsed used car shop. That's why I founded BJ's Used Autos. Everyone of
these beauties has been freshly painted they look brand new. We have new models
coming in every morning, usually around 2 am, we can get you anything, and if you
see the car of your dreams, tell us, we can aquire it for ya! I've taken the skills
I've learned as a pro football player to the used car business, smash grab and run
like hell. BJ's Used Autos, I'm talking low prices with hot cars.
___________________________________
| |
| at) Michelle Carapardis - Callers |
|___________________________________|
Amy: If for some reason you'd like to speak to Michelle Crapper, just give her a
call on K-Chat, who's on the line?
Caller: Michelle, hi! Peace sister. I'm wearing trousers, I haven't shaved or waxed
in nine months. I left my broken hearted husband and baby behind. Now I'm living in
a comune with a series life partners having quite simple amazing experiences, I got
my inspiration from a lecture you gave last year. Thankyou so much. You taught me a
lot.
Michelle: Yes good sweetheart, but ask yourself, are you doing enough? It sounds to
me like you're living a lie. Your life is still very man centric. You're still
justyfying yourself by the I am Not then the I Am principle. I mean really, you
might as well make his bed and clean his litter tray for gods sake. It's half
hearted fools like you that give feminism a bad name.
Caller: But, I, I even attacked by brother with the bread knife.
Michelle: You showpony! Promqueen, cheerleader, skirt wearer. You see Amy, that's
the thing about people, they're so halfhearted. Pick and Mix, not prepared to carry
out their threats. That woman, that lady, as I bet she likes to be known, is really
a self hater, a failure in a man's world. YOu knwo, why, I bet she's never attacked
a man with a vat of boiling oil.
Amy: But she said she tried to kill her brother.
Michelle: Don't argue with me! I write books!
Amy: Ok, next caller.
Caller: Michelle, I'm a huge fan.
Michelle: Are you?
Caller: Yes, you've really change my life. Before I heard you speak a couple of
times, I was getting into the feminist movemnet, but sort of in a silly way.
Michelle: Really?
Caller: Yeah, you know, burning my bra, beating up policeman, shooting my dad and
stuff. Just fooling around you know. I really didn't understand the feelings I was
having.
Michelle: Ah, I know the wearsome troubles of the halfhearted.
Caller: And then after listening to you, I realised what a load of crap it was.
Michelle: Excuse me.
Caller: What a load of crap it was. You can't hate men just because they're
different, you can't hate anyone just because they're different. You have to work
with them. Luckily I needed a moronically, pretentious, over educated hairless old
heriden like you to show me how stupid I was being. I mean, we're all just people,
and it's idiots like you who cause problems in this world in the name of reclaiming
some false ideals. And going on and on about gender politics at rallys just so you
can wear leather in public.
Michelle: Why you missargenist.
Caller: No, you're insane. You hate yourself because you're a failure, you're an
appaling academic and about as interlecutal as a hermeriod, goodbye.
Michelle: Well, uh, hum, well it's nice to see my work has stimulated such healthy
debate don't you think?
Amy: Uh, Michelle? She hated you.
Michelle: Yeah, nonsense, the poor dear was in bits. Not very used to the cut and
thrust of acedemia, I thought she expressed herself poorly and didn't know what she
was saying. Proberbly burnt her husband's cakes or something. It's important for me
to confront the differences and similarites myself and other women. I am smart,
strong, I seek liberation. Your society imposes on me.
Amy: God, this is all so confusing. Everything has two meanings.
Michelle: Exactly, apart from the word through which has five. You can choose to be
a victim Amy, after you read my book you'll realise that men are irrelevant. Can a
man have a baby? Do I need a man to have a baby? No. We don't need men, we need more
parts of town we can call our own, more parades, more gatherings of understanding
where women can beat each other with pillows and practise judo.
Amy: That doesn't sound like fun at all.
Michelle: Oh shutup, I've had enough of you you little tart.
Amy: That makes two of us. Right, listeners don't go away. When you come back we'll
have a new guest and I promise they'll be more interesting then Michelle Crapartist.
Michelle, it's been a pleasure, I'm sure we've all found this veryy illuminating.
And why our beliefs were right in the first place. We'll be back right after this.
_________________________
| |
| au) AD32 - Giggle Cream |
|_________________________|
Backing: Gi,gi gi,gi Giggle Cream! Wa,wa wa,wa,wa,wa wa wa,wa wa,wa That's the sound
I love.
Man: Love the dairy goodness, prepared with toxic gas.
Woman: Make detol real low, suck it have a blast.
Man: You can buy it anywhere, cgrocery store or shop.
Woman: Make sure you're in a chair cus your heads gonna block.
Backing: Gi,gi gi,gi Giggle Cream! Wa,wa wa,wa,wa,wa wa wa,wa wa,wa That's the sound
I love.
Man: Giggle cream! It makes desert funny!
_____________________
| |
| av) AD33 - Exploder |
|_____________________|
Speaker: He was a man of peace, living on a quiet farm in North Dakota. Till one day
all hell broke loose!
Soldier: Tim we need you!
Tim: Im a man of peace, Im done killing! I wanna raise a family!
Soldier: Thats just it Tim! They got your family!
Tim: Noo!
Speaker: Jack Howitzer is Tim in Exploder! From the heart of America to the jungles
of Cambodia, follow one mans quest for peace.
Tim: Ho Chi Vet is that you!
Ho Chi: Tim I know you come! Just like old days we kill everybody!
Soldier: Tim they got your wife!
Tim: But Im not married!
Soldier: You are now, to America!
Speaker: He went in to save his country, but found his family and lost a friend.
Tim: Ho Chi!
Ho Chi: Tim dont leave me! You thought me baseball game and how to laugh!
Tim: Noo! He would have been a fine American. Ill cry when Im done killing!
Speaker: Get your self a body bag, strap your self in, start making friends the
American way! Exploder: Evacuator Part 2! Rated PG, may include patriotic garbage.
AGAIN, BIG THANKS TO DARK52
--Vice City Public Radio
-Chat Station
-Written By: Dan Houser and Lazlow
Produced By: Lazlow
Maurice Chavez: Phillip Anthony Rodriguez
Jonathan Freeloader: Patrick Olsen
Michelle Montanius: Kelly Guest
Rep. Alex Shrub: Chris Lucas
Callum Crayshaw: Sean Modica
John F. Hickory: LJ Gansen
Pastor Richards: David Green
Jan Brown: Maureen Stillman
Barry Stark: Renaud Sebbane
Jenny Louise Crab: Mary Birdsong
Konstantinos Smith: Konstantinos.com
Jeremy Robard: Peter Silvestro
==================
16. Miscellaneous
==================
This is a section where I put anything that doesnt belong in another section and it
doesnt deserve another section.
--------------------
a. Made Up Missions
--------------------
(Big thanks to THAguyINgta3 or this whole section)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Single Made Up Missions
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
These are some made up missions that will be fun if you are out of things to do. For
more than these, go to GTAdomain.CJB.net.
--Hunt Down The Traitor
Objective- kill Pepa (Cuban gangster)
According to Umberto Robina, Pepa stole money from the gang and usually goes to
party in Malibu. Go there at exact 7:00(night) and kill him, but do not harm any
other people.
Pepa- blue jeans, white Cuban gang top
Thanks to LCPD
--Respect
Objective- Kill 5 small groups of gangsters
These gangsters are losers!! They must stop hanging out near the InterGlobal Films
studios! Kill 5 groups of them and make them scare! You must not bring any weapons;
you must show respect and fight like a man! Fist vs. guns!
Thanks to LCPD
--Hunter Jacking
Use a cheat code and change Tommy into a different skin. (I use Sonny
Forrelli.) You are now a good old-fashioned Mafia soldier, and you take your orders
from big Tommy Vercetti. Your current mission is to take three bodyguards and
infiltrate the Air Force Base, resulting in stealing the Hunter. Then, take it to
the Vercetti Estate. Thanks to Sepiroth154.
--Psycho Killer
Put the Jason costume on, and head outside. Get into a Walton, and pick up a
prostitute. (It doesn't matter which one) Take your woman out to Ocean Beach, and
park in the middle of the sand. Get out of the car and start slicing her. When she
runs, chase after her under the moonlit sky. It's really beautiful watching a hockey-
masked killer chase a woman at night on the beach. Thanks to Sepiroth154.
--Vice City Sniper
Objectives: It has been brought to our attention that certain individuals being
employed at The Malibu Club have been smuggling goods from the company. It is not
known whom these individuals are but we are certain that one of the doormen, a few
dancers and some security guards inside are involved. Kill all of them!!! All
doormen! All Dancers! All Guards! You need to be stealthy, so take out the doormen
with a sniper rifle from a nearby rooftop...then head inside and use Molotov
cocktails to torch the place in a hurry. After you have done this make yourself
scarce and DO NOT GET BUSTED!!! Thanks to KtuluVrock.
--Fore
Objective: As all VCPR listeners are aware, Pastor Richards is a big time golf
enthusiast but the local "Leafy Links Golf Club" has denied him a membership. Force
them to rethink their decision!!! Kill as many golfers as possible and raise
absolute hell!!! Thanks to KtuluVrock.
--Strike Zone
This is more of a mini-game than a mission. Get a PCJ 600 and take it downtown.
Speed down the road leading north to Ammunation and bail before you hit the stair
ramp. Try to get the PCJ 600 to sail over the ramp and right through the Ammunation
entrance. Bonus if it blows up inside and kills the Ammunation guy. Thanks to
MikeyGarcia.
--Rug Burn
Get in a fire truck and drive around hitting people off of motorcycles. Try to get
10 in 5 minutes. There's a catch, though. The people on the motorcycles MUST die. If
they get up, it doesn't count. You can try to hit them off again, but they have to
die by flying off their bike. Thanks to MikeyGarcia.
--Eleanor
Point: Survive
What And How: Go to parking garage and grab a car you like. You should then kill a
cop and gain three stars. The objective is to see how long you can last in that
single car once it's on fire the game is over, see how long you survived if it's
over 40 minutes you can call yourself Helicki prodogy. Thanks to Kronic.
--Boost
Point: 2 day's steal 37 cars all must be delivered to the lot near 8-balls bomb
shop. What And How: You must steal the following car's and deliver it to our
contact leave the door open when you get it and bring the next one if you see some
previously cars you retrieved missing we have already stored it in the garage. Here
is your list of car's we need. Thanks to Kronic.
Patriot
Sentinel XS
Banshee
Stallion
Sabre
Linerunner
Esperanto
Comet
Taxi
Packer
Admiral
Sentinel
Washington
Cheetah
Infernus
Stinger
Phoenix
Rumpo
Rancher
FBI Washington
Mule
Sanchez
Coach
Voodoo
Hermes
Blista Compact
BF Injection
Bus
Idaho
Greenwood
Glendale
Manana
Perenial
Regina
Securicar
Stretch
Police
These must be done within two days (in the game of course)
--Car Crash King
This is more of a mini game than a made up mission. Just see how many cars you can
destroy with your car. Thanks to Kronic.
--Get It While It's Hot
Objectives: A recent spree of thefts has occurred and we've lost some valuable
merchandise. A man named "El Burro" is to blame for these unfortunate circumstances.
Pose as a Pizza Boy. (You'll need a submachine gun for this mission) El Burro
usually hangs around Hyman Memorial Stadium and often wears jeans and a red leather
jacket. Find him and deliver his order...a shotgun round, right in the chest!!!
Thanks to KtuluVrock.
--Kill The Killer
Objective: There have been a number of killings by El Burro. Kill him before he goes
on another killing spree. He will be around any sports with a lot of people (Mall,
Beach, ETC). He will be dressed in a brown leather jacket. Thanks to Pujols.
--Undercover Brother
OBJECTEVE: Go Kill 10 gang members in each gang
You lose if:
Get Busted
Get Wasted
Use Cheats
Thanks to Pujols.
--Collector
Objective- Collect money from shopkeeper
James works in the Ryton Aid near the Little Haiti only at 5:00pm or 6:00 am, he
works only for 2 hours. Don't kill the wrong guy. James' a tough man, so bring a
shotgun or he won't get scared. Make him pay you $1000 and leave the shop. Bring a
fast car; James' Uncle's a FBI, so James got cops as bodyguards. The bodyguards stay
in a small house near the shop, it will only take 2 seconds to get to the shop if
anything happens. James-brown pants, brown top and wear glasses
Thanks to LCPD
--Get That O
Objective- pick up Jenna and kill her
Drive around in the streets of the Ocean View, and pick up Jenna. Do whatever you
want to do with her and then kill her.
Jenna-Black bra, black shorts, short hair
Thanks to LCPD
--Raining Blood
We have had a recent situation with the French...It seems that our good friend,
Colonel Juan Cortez, was maliciously attacked by these ingrates. We need to
retaliate! The French own several pieces of property throughout the city. The mainly
are located in Downtown, Vice Point and the Docks. Take the Hunter and kill
everything that you see in these areas especially the pedestrians. Create a
bloodbath to drive down the property value in these areas. With any luck, the French
will lose their holds in the city and move out. Thanks to KtuluVrock.
--Tea Money Must Be Hidden
Objective- take money, put in car and blow it up
5 prisoners escaped last week and robbed 2 stores, they hid the money in Cafe
Robina. My men saw Ken take it. He's the one that makes tea. Go pay a visit as soon
as possible, get the money then put the money in car. Visit 8-ball and Boom! Make
sure you do not kill Ken.
Ken-brown pants, brown top and wear glasses.
Thanks to LCPD
--Get Those Boys
Objective- kill the 5 prisoners
Here are the locations of the men
1.Sam- He's going to be working in Ammunation in North Point Mall. This guy's armed
(be careful)
2.Joey-He's the guy with cars; he loves to drive around in Downtown. His car is a
blue sport car. We don't know what car he may drive, but we are very sure it will be
blue. Find him.
3.Ron-biker, he's the watcher that stands all day outside of the biker shop next to
Greasy Chopper.
4.George-hacker, he loves pizza. Maybe you can find him there? George- gray hair,
blue suit or green suit and his shoulders are some how not even.
5. This guy's unknown
Thanks to LCPD.
--The Unknown
Objective- kill everyone that seem to be him
We don't really know who this guy is. He's a pimp and that's all we know. Now the
two places for pimps are the Pole Position and Malibu. Just in case, go to both and
kill all the males.
Thanks to LCPD.
--Clean Up After Yourself
Objective- clean up
Hey, you have to watch out man! The cops got a file of the things you did! Ok, go
to Vice City Police Department in the right side island. Get in there; hold a gun
and act like a fool. Get six stars! By then, the whole place will be messed up! I'm
sure they won't notice they lost your file.
Thanks to LCPD.
--Donut cars
Objective-get the cars for me please
Get a normal police car and FBI cars (any kind, but I need 5 of them). Bring all
these to the garage of Kaufman Cabs.
Thanks to LCPD.
--Nutter
Objective- steal the goody
I know I may sound nuts, but I need this to be done.
Governments of Vice City bought a nice Hunter from Russia.
It will be in the Air Base, steal it and fly! One more thing, I don't know if you
are used to the controls of if but go ahead and press the R3 button. Then the radar
will show the guys you need to kill before you can hand the hunter to us (go up to
level 3). Drop the hunter on top of one of the big ships in the left side island
(Vice Port). Please drop it during nighttime; it's easier for us to transfer it to
China.
Thanks to LCPD
--Ah-Ne-Ah-Dol
Objective- kill the agents
The Chinese thank for your great work, but the Yakuza are not. They wanted hunter,
but paid very little, so that's why we gave it to the Chinese. The Japanese sent
about 20 agents to Vice City, they going to blow the whole city up! My men went
around to find them and here's where they are planting the bombs! Save Vice City!
Hyman Memorial Stadium (10 of them)
Escobar International Airport (5)
The ocean View Hotel (5)
Thanks to LCPD
--Hell Fire
Objective- collect weapon, steal a coach and burn it in front of shop
Here's a little mission for you, but you will need something to do this. Go to
Tacopalypse in the left side island in Downtown. When you arrive there, you will see
the item you need in the corner. Now all you need is a coach. Drive around and find
it. When you see one, get on and pick up some passengers. Now head to "Screw This"
tool shop in Little Havana. Park it in front and burn it!
Thanks to LCPD.
--Rich Man Got Holes In The Head
Objective- kill Jack in the Box
Without the mask, it's pretty hard to tell who he is. But! We know that he still
wears the suit after work. Jack loves to go to other food courts, malls, strip clubs
and walk around in town! Luckily, we got where and when he goes. Kill all the ones
that look like him, so we don't see him on TV no more.
1. 2 pizza places- we are not sure which one he will go, but we know that he goes
there everyday at 2:00pm
2. Strip club- Pole Position, I'm sure you will see him there at 11:00pm.
3. North Point Mall- If you don't see him there, don't waste your time.
4. In the streets of Downtown or the beach.
Jack in the box-suit-Grey top and brown bottom?
Thanks to LCPD.
--Short On Cash
Tommy is short on cash and needs some money. You must go and rob every store in 2
game days. You fail if you use the Pay N Spray, get Wasted, or get Busted. Thanks to
the_jugglin_juggalo.
--Haitian Troubles
Go and get the Little Haiti costume and a Haitian gang car. Now, go and drive-by 50
Haitians. Now, go to the Print Works and kill all Haitians in that area. You fail if
you get Wasted or Busted. Thanks to the_jugglin_juggalo.
--Haitian Troubles #2
First, go and get the Little Haiti costume and then go get a Haitian gang car. Go
and drive-by all of the Haitians in the Kaufman Cabs and Print Works area. Then, go
blow up 5 Haitian gang cars. You fail if you get Wasted or Busted. Thanks to
the_jugglin_juggalo.
--Last Zenith I
Mitch has taken more bullets from the Sharks then he'd care to sustain. A few
buddies from 'Nam are going to try and scare them out of town. The only problem is,
some FBI agents have intercepted a call and are now chasing Mitch everywhere. Mitch
needs you to get to them. Currently they're at the air force base, but are being
watched too closely to move, but "Big" Mitch told them to look for a soldier filled
up with 9mm Uzi ammo.
Objectives: Pick up the 9mm Uzi ammo near the Greasy Chopper. Then, go to the Ammu-
nation in North Point and buy at least 500 rounds of ammunition. Go around, killing
Sharks until you have 3 stars. Then, get in an Angel or Freeway and use the wanted
level cheat twice until you have 6 stars. Look for a Tank. Kill him with the Uzi,
and get in the Tank, making sure you use the 9mm Uzi. Do the lower wanted level
cheat, get out, and wait for another military vehicle to arrive, making sure to stay
in one lane. If it's a Barracks OL, this is Ortega, who will assist you later. If
it's a Tank, this is Lao, who will also assist you. When the vehicle passes, get in
the Tank and drive it to Hyman. You'll get a phone call.
"Alright we're ready. Just tell us where." Thanks to Skystar Rose.
--Cubans Gone Mad
Objective: go and kill 3 groups of Haitians with hand-to-hand combat. Then, go and
steal a Haitian gang car and bring it to Cafe Robina. Do this and mission complete.
You fail if you get Wasted or Busted.
--Gang Warfare
All the gangs are declaring absolute "war" on each other. You are hired by Kent Paul
to lead the Cubans to victory over the Haitians, hated over most. The meeting place
happens to be Starfish Island, for a large arena. Just as you enter Starfish Island,
you receive a phone call from Ken, saying that it was a set up, in order to kill
Tommy and take over his business. They have sealed off the gates, and have secured
the helicopter. Escape S.I., and head over to Ken's place, avoiding swarms of
Haitian and Cuban psycho cars out to have your head.
Objectives: 1. Lead the Cuban car convoy to Starfish Island
2. (Upon reaching starfish island) help kill some Haitians.
3. (After a certain period of time) escape Starfish Island by "the fastest boat" by
the mansion's docks.
4. Get to Ken's place, where you receive your money and plan for an assault.
Thanks to TerraX13.
--Sports Car Mania
Objective: Bring 1 of each of the following cars and bring them to one of your
garages.
Phoenix
Comet
Sabre
Banshee
Infernus
Cheetah
You fail if you get Busted or Wasted. Thanks to Vcfreak.
--Police Brutality
Objectives: Got to the Police Station near Club Malibu and kill every police man in
there. After that, get a Coach or other very large vehicle and rig it with a bomb at
8-Balls. Take the car the Fort Baxter Air Base, try up to the gates and bail out.
Once the Vehicle is inside blow it up. Then try and get to a Pay N' Spray and you
win. You fail if you get Wasted or Busted. Thanks to the_jugglin_juggalo.
--Drop The Dead Body
Its 4:00AM and you get a phone call in your ocean view hotel. Jimmy "The Tulip"
Tudeski, a good friend of yours has been arrested by the police, and has used his
phone call to call you. You see the Cops have him down for Murder, However Jimmy
knows they haven't found the body yet, as he conveniently stashed the body in a golf
cart located at leaf links golf course. However he knows it wont remains unfound for
much longer. He wants you to get to Leaf links, find the golf cart, and dump it in
the ocean at Washington Beach.
Objectives:
Its 4:00AM
You have 1 hour (Game time to find the body) once you get the body (golf cart) up
your wanted level to 3 stars. You now have to make it to Washington Beach using only
the golf cart. Only thing is you cannot let the cops see you dumping the body, so
you have to loose them using cop bribes only. You fail if you get Wasted or Busted.
Thanks to The_Preacher.
--Renegade Taxi Driver
Objectives: Get the job outfit, a chainsaw, and a taxi. Turn on Taxi Missions and go
around picking up people, after you pick them up take them to a remote place and
kill them. Do this until you get 3 stars and then kill cops until the FBI comes,
when they come go get sprayed. You must have your original Taxi at the Pay N Spray.
Thanks to the_jugglin_juggalo.
--The Big Bambino
Someone in your gang is a rat!
Objectives: Someone's been talking to the cops about your "operation", he's hanging
out in the Malibu. But he is incognito, so be safe and kill everyone in the place
with a baseball bat, even the bouncers and the bartender. Thanks to
the_jugglin_juggalo.
--All Gone Wrong
Seems that all your assets are not answering your calls. You go to see what's wrong
and ken's bloody head is in your office of the Vercetti Estate. You see a note
attached that says, "We are taken back this town -People". You ask around on the
street and it seems there was a gang called the people group and they used to b the
most feared people ever...GET REVENGE
Objective: You have no idea who they are so first drive from Vercetti estate to the
biker bar. You learn there old headquarters used to b where the airport is today. Go
to the airport and kill the first 10 people you see. *DO NOT GET THE COPS OFF OF
YOU*. After you kill the 10th person he has a note that tells you that Mr. Black
wants to see you. Get to the phone in the airport. Mr. Black tells you he wants a 1
on one fight. Go to the Kaufman cab company. You see it was a set up and it was
really the Haitians. Kill 50 of them. **Still with the cops on you**. When you are
done drive to the nearest pay and spray. YOU WIN!!! Thanks to Grand Theft Hobo.
--Last Zenith II
Your message has been sent. Unfortunately, the Sharks have caught Mitch. The Sharks
know that eventually the bikers would come for them, so they set up a bomb near the
Greasy Chopper. Everyone knows that the Sharks could not just walk in and plant it,
so they sent a group of KGB's to do it for them - military vs. military. Unbeknownst
to them, Mitch's boys are out of the service now. When they began to set the bomb
up, they simultaneously died from a bullet between the eyes. It is then that you see
a man dressed quite fashionably, holding a smoking M4. "Hey you! What's with the
gun?" Tommy says, shoving the man against the wall. The man narrows his eyes, as if
ashamed that you did not notice something. "Those were Reds on the Shark payroll. If
I didn't get them, you'd be dead by now. You think you can talk to me like that!
Think again!" "I don't need to listen to your ego, and I own this town! I listen to
nobody!" "You look like a sissy." The man said, grabbing Tommy by his collar and
raising him a good 3 feet. Tommy's henchmen broke through the door, Sub-machine guns
blazing. The man merely dodged to the left, and shot each one in the head within a
fraction of a second. He threw Tommy to the ground. "You own this town, Eh? Don't go
about picking your business with those you can't handle!" "Oh!", said Vercetti,
taking out a shotgun. "Eat this you little *****!" At point blank he fired at the
man's head. He seemed to vanish, then reappear. The man shot once at the shotgun,
knocking it to the ground. Tommy shivered. "What the hell are you!" "I'm Ortega,
the best marks man there ever was. With an attitude like that, you must be that
Vercetti guy. Well then, let's see if you can back up your claims. Take my gun, and
get 10 headshots. You can't be hit once. If you can do that, then you are worthy of
taking down the Sharks with me. But for now, there's no way you can fathom my skill.
We got to tell them Sharks we mean business! I want to see every Shark shudder in
fear whenever they leave that Shack that they call a hideout. Scare them so bad,
that they'll think twice before messing with us!"
Objectives: Start at the Greasy Chopper, and get 10 headshots with the M4 without
getting hit. Then, get in a Gang Burrito, go to the Junkyard and kill 20 Haitians,
again, without getting hit. After that you are allowed to loose health. Get a Voodoo
and get it rigged. Make sure to get hijacked by a shark, and blow it up as he runs
away. The Haitians will declare a gang war on the Sharks. Once finished, get another
Gang Burrito, dress up in the Bank Job outfit, and start murdering Cubans. The
Cubans will stall their war with the Haitians for now and start one with the Sharks.
Get a bike and go back to the Greasy Chopper without losing any more health. Mission
Complete. Thanks to Skystar Rose.
--Helping Out Ronnie
Your drug dealer "Ronnie Sunshine" has been doing great work since you set him up at
the Malibu. Unfortunately he's been attracting unwanted attention, and you just
found out that an undercover cop has been scoping the club. In order to keep the
clubbers happy and ****ed up, you have to make sure that the cops don't take Ronnie
or you down. First you have to get rid of the cop. Objectives: Go to the Malibu and
take out the undercover cop (dancing on stage with the Village People) using
whatever means necessary, without killing any clubbers. As more cops show up, kill
them fast and make sure that they aren't injuring any other clubbers. See how long
you can keep the club running with Ronnie doing deals, the clubbers staying happy,
and you not getting busted or wasted. Got to take care of the business! Thanks to
Thundercat420.
--Ace Carrington
Avery Carrington feels like a night on the town, escort him to the local Casino and
partake in a bit of gambling. The stretch is waiting outside the construction yard
(Cut scene includes mandatory abuse of Donald Love).
Objective: Once at the Casino, Avery, being a degenerate gambler gets a little rowdy
after a few too many scotch and starts waving a Colt Python around. Civilians are
frightened and mass hysteria ensues. A bus boy asks Mr. Carrington if he would put
the weapon away and calmly leave. Tommy is not impressed, but knows if anything
happens to Avery he will cop even more flak from the locals. Avery, with Scotch in
hand takes aim and shoots the innocent busboy and alarms sound as the Casino manager
calls for police backup. Tommy, while protecting Avery from '3 star' police fire and
riot control (pedestrians are still scared) must leave the Casino before Avery gets
killed. However a cop hits Tommy with a Colt 45 and the situation is reversed with
Avery attempting to protect Tommy while he is under the influence (think of
the "Boom Shine Saigon" Mission. Now, Avery wants you to get the Stretch and make it
back to the Vercetti Estate while evading police fire. Thanks to CapoDeluxe.
--Chase That Rat
Some guy has been doing some dirty drive-bys around here. He hit me one day and got
me injured. Do you know how pissed I am? Go follow him for at least 30 minutes (in
game play) and shoot him down when he bails.
Objectives:
-Grab a car and follow the guy on the map for at least 30 minutes in game play.
-When he bails out, gun him down.
After killing the guy, you receive an urgent message:
"Hey kid, turns out that ****er was an imposter...He's driving around the parking
lot near the strip club hanging with some chicks...go and rap him around they face
with a katana or something.
-Go find the real guy in the lot near the strip joint
-Kill him
-Take his car and dump it.
***Failure if:***
-You get out of the at any time during the chase of the imposter
-You fail to kill both guys
Thanks to StealthSnipa2236.
--Not A Lucky Number
Objectives- go wild until time's over
All right, grab your armor and weapons. Now GO to WAR!!
I got men robbing goodies on the left side island everywhere! You are one of my men,
right? SO you must help! You go to Vice City Police Department, and try to talk to
the front desk dummy. If they are busy eating donuts, kill them. Just to make them
pay attention. Your real job is to go wild and become the front page of all the
magazines!! Crazy Killer in town!
Your time-12:00am to 4:00pm
If you need rest in between, go ahead, BUT make sure the cops still smell your tail!
Thanks to LCPD
--Still 13
Objective- Jack is not Jack, snipe her out of her car.
I am very sorry to the ones that lost their souls. We just found out that Jack is
really a girl. She's leaving town!! And you must stop her! How she leaves Vice City?
How you get to Vice City? You know where to look for her now, right?
Jack's car-red, four wheels, two doors, small and slow.
Jack-we still don't know her face.
Oh my. There's going to be a lot of bloody cars with headless drivers.
Thanks to LCPD.
--Nice
Objective- collect weapons
Phil Cassidy just called me to tell you that he needs your help! It's pretty hard
for him to drive around and buy weapons. You know what I mean. Go pay him a visit,
he's lonely. In his garage, he has a car ready for you. Go get guns for him here:
1.Ammu-nation in Ocean Beach at 3:00pm
2.Ammu-nation in North Point mall at 5:00
3.Ammu-nation in Downtown at 7:00
He expected you to be back every soon.
Thanks to LCPD
--Dirty Dirt Bike
Objective- steal the black dirt bike from the Haitians
Looks like it's going to rain today. The Haitians have a habit of going out to play
in rainy days. They are going to go to Dirt Bike Track for a practice run. You go
there, get on my bike (the dirt bike that sits there already) and follow the
checkpoints and they will be there soon. Bring one of their dirt bikes to the gas
station near the Washington Mall.
Thanks to LCPD
--Fishy Gas Tank
Objective- collect drugs and give to me!
My men and your men are trying their best fight other gangs, we are good friends and
you are always there to help me. I got a problem here. I was supposed to have a drug
deal behind the police station, but Bob died. So you have to find those drugs for
me. Once you find them, throw them into the sea. Throw into the sea near Colonel
Cortez's party; it's easier for my men to look for them.
Drug- They are contained into cans of gas bomb.
Thanks to LCPD
--Black and White
Objective- kill Mark
Mark was the boss of Malibu, but since you took over. He hates you a lot! He's
planning something big to get you in trouble. Get him before he gets you. He's
either getting suntan in the beach around 2:00 pm or at the Pole Position at 1:00 am.
Mark- Fat man, blue shorts.
Thanks to LCPD
--Hit Man
Objective-kill, kill, and kill some more
Here are the targets:
1.Tony- Red jacket, blue jeans (follow him for 15 minutes before you do anything)
2.Johnny-Black jacket, red top (follow him for 5 minutes before you kill him)
3.Mark's brother Fon- White top, blue jeans (You can find him in a coach bus)
Thanks to LCPD
--Miami Vice
First, jack an undercover cop's Cheetah. It has to be silver, though. Now, use a
code and change Tommy's appearance to look like a well-dressed African American man.
Now hire a bodyguard, and get into the Cheetah with you. Start driving fast, and
start up the Vigilante missions. You're now pimping it up just like Miami Vice!
You're Tubbs, and the bodyguard is Crockett! And the Cheetah looks similar to the
car driven in the actual show!! The only problem is the bodyguard turns back into a
normal civilian as soon as you start the mission. But you can still drive fast and
prevent it from escaping! Thanks to Sepiroth154.
--Ladies' Man
Objective- pick up hookers
Fernando wants chicks for his show. It's his first time on TV, and he wants to look
good. Go get a nice car, pick up girls and get to the building VCN near the
Ammunation shop in Downtown. Get 6 girls, oh yeah baby
Thanks to LCPD
--Love Fist
Objective- get drug for them
Fernando's very happy with the girls you picked. Love Fist's in town and they want
the stuff! Almost EVERY shop in Vice City sells drugs, you just have to ask them.
Love Juices' are very expensive, so don't buy from them. Get a shotgun point at a
shopkeeper and when he puts the money on the counter, shoot him! The stuff is hidden
inside the stack of money. After you got every store's underground drug, then go to
Recording Studio. When you get there, go upstairs and drop the stuff on the way.
Thanks to LCPD
--Tough Guy
Objective- destroy Bunch of Tools
That little kitty won't pay me protection. He will learn. Do me a favor, please
Tommy. Remember the gas cans? Get them from the same location again. This time, they
are real. Now get to Bunch of Tools, make sure you are going to the right one. Get a
nice gun, blow the windows, throw the gas in there and leave that little kitty cry.
Thanks to LCPD
--Killing Fatties
Objective- get down to the lighthouse in Ocean Beach and shoot 10 fat guys in
bathing suits in 2 minutes or less. Thanks to DarthTodd.
--Black Eye
Objective- snipe target at night
Someone has been watching your works, watching every step you are taking. He's no
donut eater or big boy. HE'S A REPORTER!! He took a lot of pictures of you. Kill him
and collect the photos.
Reporter- Holiday tomorrow; he will go to dance in Malibu. When you get there,
don't just walk right to the dance floor. Walk around the back and go upstairs.
Snipe him!
Reporter-Purple suit (the one more closer to stage)
After all that, go to his apartment. His camera is hidden inside a chainsaw.
Apartment-In first island. Ocean Beach. An apartment near Pay N Spray. It may be
hard to find, try your best.
Thanks to LCPD
--Nice Action
Objective-Movie!
Steve Scott's having a problem making a movie. He needs actors that know how to
fight! He tried Jackie Chan, but they couldn't understand each other. This is the
only way! Go mess with the boys (VC sharks or the dragon gangs) hit and run, so they
follow you. Now run to the studio where Candy Suxxx did the porno movie with the
angry gang chasing you. Get in there and turn around. Bam! Beat them up as the film
is rolling! Actors and action for free!
Thanks to LCPD
--Birthday Wish
Objective- kill the birthday man
It's Jones' birthday. But I cannot tell you any more detail between me and him. Some
deal problem, you know. He told me that he wants a heli for birthday, so we will
send him one! Jones' party-It held on top of a building "Pool Party". It is near
Malibu Club, I'm sure you won't miss it with your helicopter. I haven't seen him for
a whole 4 years, I'm not sure if he changed or not. Just kill everybody!
Thanks to LCPD
--Hunter Hunting
Objective- go down to the Fort Baxter Air Base in Little Havana and steal the Hunter
without dieing and not using the cop uniform. Now, fly it back to the Vercetti
Estate. Thanks to Theo90.
--This Will Teach Those Pigs
The police have had certain drug runners in Vice City under surveillance for around
2 weeks now. We want the police to stop. To do this we will need your help. First,
go steal a police car. Then, take it to 8-Ball's Bomb Shop in Little Havana. Rig it
with a bomb and drive to the multistory police station by the Malibu Club in
Washington. Park it near one of the 2 squad cars and blow it up while watching from
across the street to make sure one of the cars blew up. If it didn't, you fail the
mission. Now, go steal yet another police car and mow down 25 cops outside of the
North Point Mall. After that, go and steal another car that isn't a police vehicle.
Get it sprayed and mission passed. If you get wasted or busted, mission failed. Good
Luck. You will need it.
--Take Over
Objective- take over!
Yesterday I told 10 men to dress as Cubans and go rob the bank near the West Haven
Community Healthcare Center. BUT! I just found out they were traitors! They are
going to take the money home! And I don't like that! Tommy, go there and take over.
Kill my men dressed as Cubans and go rob the bank yourself! My men should already
unlock the lock; you just go up stairs and grab the money in the manager's room.
Then, escape of course!
Thanks to LCPD
--My Own Way
Objective- destroy your file
I saw someone copied my idea of deleting your file. Well, I don't like to repeat
things all the time. SO! We are going to do this differently!
Get in a good car, and go wild. Once the city's wild, they won't pay attention to
little things. At 5:00pm, your file will be transferred to
Liberty City by a SWAT Team truck. There are at least 5 of them, just to be sure,
destroy all 5!
Thanks to LCPD
--Pizza Hot!
Objective- Get pizza car and kill Bobby
Bobby got my stuff, got Cubans' stuff and some of your stuff, if you know what I
mean. Bobby orders Pizza everyday. Follow this: Go to North Point mall and get a
costume from "Tooled Up" then go to Pizza shop in first island. Kill pizza guy then
go around the back, grab the scooter and go. Have your favorite gun with you.
Bobby- Guard at Mailbu (left door watch at 7:00pm)
Make sure you tell him that you are sent by me before he dies, ok? Thanks
Thanks to LCPD
--Friday The 13th
Objective- go to the Malibu Club and get the Bank Job outfit and then go get a
Machete. Now, kill 30 people. Then, go to the Vercetti Estate without getting Busted
or Wasted and mission passed. Thanks to Darth Todd.
--Broken Knuckles
Objective- go and kill 25 cops with your fists but no brass knuckles. You fail if
you get Wasted or Busted. You must do it in 10 minutes. Thanks to Theo90.
--Mobile Advertising
Objective: cruise around Vice City for 24 hours in a Coach, with the radio on full
blast, and the tuner set to Wave 103. If you complete this mission, you are the
true master of Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. Remember, you must remain at the wheel,
and no mute buttons. Thanks to Succotashi.
--Gift
Objective- rob jewel
My girls are having a very important event. They want to look good. Get some shinny
chains of balls for me.
1. "Jewel's" in first island
2. "Jewel's" in second island
Oh by the way, since you are there already, take the money too.
Thanks to LCPD
--8-ball
Objective- help 8-ball
8-ball's dad just died, he can't take over his dad's business since no one thinks 8-
ball can do a good job. Help him!! Go to his shop and armed with bomb, then blow
cars up in these places to show everybody that 8-ball can do a good job!
1. Vice Point
2. Ocean View
3. Downtown
Park your bombed cars in the middle of the road and BOOM!
Thanks to LCPD
--Caddy Crisis
Objective- go and steal a Caddy from the golf course. Now, drive by 25 people and
then get the Caddy resprayed after. Now get the Caddy back to the Vercetti Estate.
You fail if you get Busted, Wasted, or get out of the Caddy.
Thanks to Theo90.
--Wet Sofa
Objective-kill the golf folks
These losers beat me to it, I was playing golf on Sunday like always, you know? I
missed my shot! I was pissed, so I swung my golf stick and hit one of the old men.
THEY followed me all the way back to my house!! These guys escaped once they saw my
men with shotguns!! You HELP ME! Kill them! ONLY THE MALES!
Number of Golf guys- 20!
Thanks to LCPD
--Malibu Mayhem
The cops have been busting our distributors all over the city. We need to show them
who they are messing with.
Objectives: First shoot the cowgirl. That should give you one. Go up the stairs and
start sniping the dancers and people dancing. That will give you 2 to 3 stars. Go
downstairs grab you minigun and shoot the remaining people with it. That should be 4-
5 stars. Go back up the stairs and grab your sniper rifle. Shoot the police that you
see. When there are almost none left, go back down and grab your Colt Python and
shoot every policeman you see. That should be 6 stars. If you don't get 6 stars,
keep shooting upcoming cops. Then dash out of the Malibu and grab a vehicle. Dodge
the police vehicles and tanks and get to the Pay N Spray without dieing. Thanks to
Super Shadow.
--Weapons Delivery
Objective- get the arms cargo!
Phil Cassidy always gets me all the good guns I need, but he over slept yesterday
and didn't pick up the trucks. Some thieves stole them and drove around the block!
Trucks- they have boxes of guns in the back of the truck
The thieves drive them around in Vice Port. There are 5 of them! Park them on the
side of 8-ball's shop. My men will pick them up one by one. Do this at night only!
You hear? Kill the losers too!
Thanks to LCPD
--Keep It In The Closet
Objective- kill all reporters
"......"
I'm very depressed, Tommy. My racer lost his race. WHAT A SHAME!! Reporters are
outside ready to take pictures of losers and me!! I don't want a picture of me when
I lost!! Tommy! Come! Quick, go to Hyman Memorial Stadium. Kill all the reporters,
please Tommy.
Reporters- The ones with cameras (20) of them
Thanks to LCPD
--Big Fat Cow
Objective- kill the racer
I know. I'm sorry that I always have you do the dirty works for me. But hey! We are
friends!! Ok! This racer that I talked about yesterday. He belonged to a biker gang
close to the one Mitch Baker owns. He got companies, you see? He blamed on me that
he lost his stupid race. He'll learn not to mess with me! Kill him and his friends
that are going to ambush me.
Racer- A guy on Angel bike, bold, skinny
His friends- two in Pole Position at 3:45 at night, one outside of the biker shop
next to Greasy Chopper at 6:00pm.
Thanks to LCPD
--Hot Ring
Objective- get a good place for my new racer
Sorry if I sounded weird before. I don't know if you got what I was saying, but did
you try gassy? You get the drug hidden in the gas can and then you go buy the powder
hidden in the armor from the weapon shop. Lock yourself in the room and fill the
room with it. It's Great! Anyway, I need your help again. My new racer's a good
driver, but I want him to start the race with a good placement. So can you do the
placement run for him? Go to Hyman Memorial Stadium when the event is up and drive
for him, get 1st, 2nd or 3rd! Doesn't really matter!
Thanks to LCPD
--Money Back
Objective- get money
Colonel Cortez came back to Vice City to visit his daughter and also came for a
deal. Well. The deal didn't go so well. I know Umberto and you are pretty good
friends too. But his boys were the one that took the money! They shared the money to
every gang member, so you got to kill at least 50 Cubans near Cafe Robina to get
back enough money from them.
Thanks to LCPD
--2 Wheels Party
Objective- do tricks with a pcj-600 in front of camera
Steve needs your help with part of the movie. He parked his stretch outside your
mansion. He has his camera facing outside in his car. Now go find a PCJ-600, then
get the stretch. Park the stretch on the side of the road and do tricks with your
bike near it as the camera's recording everything you is doing.
Thanks to LCPD
--Searching For What?
Objective- bring box and key to me
Auntie Poulet has a gift for me, tea that can control minds!! She puts the tea in a
box inside a voodoo car near her house, and drive it to Malibu. There are 5-6
dancers on stage. The key keeper's costume's a fire fighter. Kill him and get the
key. Put your key on top of the box and park the voodoo car in the 2nd floor Car
park of North Point Mall.
Thanks to LCPD
--My Hero
Objective- make Haitian go away
One of my places is bothered by Haitians. These suckers are drinking my coffee
without paying. Get them for me! (3 groups of them). My coffee shop's name is Cafe
Under The Tree in Little Haiti.
Thanks to LCPD
--Kill The Undead
Objective- blow Timmy up
Timmy's my middleman between my money and me.
He knows my plan, my numbers, and everything is in his computer! So I sent men to
kill him in his sleep. Some how he lived and is staying in Shay Palms Hospital in
the first Island. He's getting a better treatment and is going to be transferred to
another hospital at 5:00pm. Get a police car, and arm it with bomb. Get to the
hospital and park it in front of the main entrance of the hospital. Now leave that
area on foot and blow it up at 5:15pm.
Thanks to LCPD
--Laser In Your Head
Objective- snipe these people
The undercover cops are everywhere, near your mansion; near my places. There are
some outside my shop in Washington Mall. Get to the Car park on top of the Mall, and
zoom to find them!
Undercover cops-Red jacket, blue jeans or black jacket (6 of them).
Thanks to LCPD
--Danger
Objective- Show your power
I had enough with these donut eaters!! They have a file of you and me again! YES!!
AGAIN!! Last month, you were the Crazy wild killer in town...You will be even
crazier!! Go to Vice City Police Department in the first island, and get 6 stars
like before!! Then to show all of us that you are the chosen one, Destroy 3 tanks!!
GO Tommy GO!!
Thanks to LCPD
--A Friendly Reminder
Tommy, It's me again. LCPD seems to value your handiwork, but of course, he can't
offer you what I can now can he. First I need you to go to the Police station in
Ocean Beach, I left a Police Uniform and nightstick for you to take, put it on and
take one of the squad cars in the parking lot. Now that you look like a cop, go to
the Jewelry Store near Well Stacked Pizzas in Vice Point. LCPD has a large
investment in that jewelry store, so I need you to make his man behind the counter
think he's busted. I suggest getting the point across on the end of a nightstick.
Once you have disposed of him I need you to bust the rest of the employees, turn on
your police radar and bust three waves of his men. When you have properly ousted his
grip on the Vice Point Diamond district take the cruiser to my garage in Sunshine
autos. I appreciate your help Tommy. I'll be contacting you again soon if you
complete this mission.
Thanks to PenguinKnight
--Et Tu Tommy?
Tommy, I know LCPD has given you a good job as hit man but I can offer you more, how
would you like to be informed on the perfect Garage ready for anything. Tommy, I'm
talking to you.
Objective: LCPD has stolen my prized sports car! I want you to strike back and take
his prized pcj! He usually keeps it on a building near the Unique Jumps Stunt Track
the Sharks set up for their Friday night speed romps in Ocean beach...you know, near
the Malibu. Once you find the bike, you must push it onto the street with a car,
otherwise his alarm will go off and the sharks will think you want to try out their
stunt track. Now get on that bike. Be careful, his men will know the Bike's gone in
less than 10 seconds; they will be riding PCJ's as well. Shoot them off before they
shoot you! Remember not to get off the bike or the autopilot will take it back to
LCPD! Take it to the pay and spray in Little Haiti where my men will change the
color and equip it with a tracking device so he'll never get it back! Now drive it
to the hyman condos. Do this for me and I will be very grateful. I'll be calling
back soon.
Thanks to PenguinKnight
--Pretender
Objective- Kill groups of gang members from every single gang
Tommy! Are you working against me for someone else? I hope you're not. I want you to
prove me that you are still my friend! Go attack 1-3 groups of gang members from
every gang. Show me that you are not messing with me! Show me that you have no
connecting with them!!
Thanks to LCPD
--Conciliation
It seems LCPD is getting a bit suspicious of you Tommy, it seems his little trip
gave him some perspective. Thanks to him and you Tommy, my connections to the cartel
has been severely wounded. I need you to repair these delicate relations. I must
make peace with the Cubans especially, for they seem to personally know Gregorio
Dominguez, who will be quite useful to me. First I need you to lure some Haitians
into Little Havana, and kill 3 of them in front of a group of Cubans. This should
prove you have a common enemy. To bring the point home I need you to steal a voodoo
and drive it to Cafe Robina's get out and use a hammer to total the car. Make sure
to knock out the hood, both doors, and pop all the tires with a gun, to demonstrate
your hate for the Haitians but do NOT destroy it, drive it to my garage in sunshine
autos. Now I need you to take a Cuban Hermes and take a page out of LCPD's book and
go on a killing spree in Little Haiti, taking out Haitians until you have 3 stars,
then take out cops until you have 5. Now outrun the cops to the pay and spray in
Sunshine autos and park it in the same garage as the voodoo. I appreciate your help
in regaining the title of err... Senor Super Cajones. Hah. Keep your phone on Tommy.
Thanks to PenguinKnight
--Show your faces
Objective- Kill the traitors in our gang
I knew it, Tommy! You are working for someone else. But as long as he doesn't ruin
my plans, then it's ok if you work for him a bit. Anyway, time for business. Ever
since Sonny died, you and me are the top bosses in Vice City. My men work for you,
your men work for me. We are equal!! Yesterday, Mario called me. He told me that one
of your men's planning something bad for our next deal. Teach your kids! Kill at
least 30 of your men.
LCPD's men- Red hair, sunglasses
Tommy's men-Brown hair, sunglasses, blue top
(You can find my men and your men talking outside your Mansion)
Thanks to LCPD
--Pedestrian Panic
This mission needs to be done in the locations given for each objective. If you do
not do them in the area given, you fail. If you get Wasted or Busted, you fail. Here
are the objectives:
Kill 15 men and 15 women inside North Point Mall.
Blow up 10 regular cars in the Washington Mall parking lot.
--Dead Dodo
This mission involves blowing up a Dodo that has a banner flying behind it. You need
to go steal either a Sea Sparrow or Hunter and go and blow it up with either machine
guns or missiles. Then, you must go directly to the Pay N Spray and spray a car to
get the police off of your tail. Now, go to the Film Studio and blow up the Sea
Skimmer that is by the little dock behind the Film Studio. It will only appear if
you have beaten the missions for the Film Studio. Now, go get your car sprayed
again. If you get busted or wasted, you fail.
--Aftermath: The Final Malibu Mission
Have to go to your mansion after you complete the Malibu missions, Phil missions,
and "keep your friends close"
Opening Scene
(Youre sitting on your porch and you see Hilary drive up in a new yellow
Lambourghini, you walk up to the car door)
Tommy- Hey what the fuck is this Hilary. Is this what you call laying low? I said
not to buy anything big.
Hilary- but-but-but Tommy I-I thought-
Tommy- Well you f*cking thought wrong. Get this outa here.
(Cam and Ken walk up)
Ken- What's going on Tommy?
Tommy- This prick doesn't know the meaning of laying- What the f*ck are those!
(points at the brand new Rolexes on their arms)
Cam- Uh, Tommy they're uh fake
Tommy- Give em to me (throws Rolexes on the ground and stomps on them (crunching
noises)) Now they're fake. I thought I told you guys to lay low. What is this?
(gunshot-bird sqwalking hits the ground) Sh*t. Don't move. Stay right there. (Sees
Phil and walks over to him)
Phil- check this out Tommy, look it's a 14 karat gold plated Desert
Eagle
Tommy- That's it! Gimme the gun! (Hits Phil over the head with the
gun) What the f*ck did I tell you!? Get outa here, all of you.
(they all leave)
The bank job boys are getting antsy with their new money. Sever any ties between you
and the bank job.
Hilary's driving his yellow Lamborghini around Ocean Beach Make sure you find him
before the cops do and kill him without attracting too much police attention.
Now you have to blow up each of Cam's, Ken's and Phils places by using car bombs
from 8-ball and placing them by their houses without attracting too much police
attention.
You lose if you (A) die (B) get busted (C) dont kill everyone before
01:00 (D) attract two or more wanted stars
(Thanks to Steven Kuscher)
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Series Of Made Up Missions
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This section is for made up missions that have a series to them.
=======================================================================
The Russian Mafia Missions
--Russian Mafia Mission #1: Cry Baby
(Telephone rings) Ah, Comrade Vercetti, what a pleasant surprise. My name is
Pishkin. Many a day has passed since I last saw you. Liberty City wasn't it?
Anyways, let us skip the pleasantries and get down to business. The Russian Mafia
has been interested in developing business in the Vice City Area. However, we had
been unable to establish ourselves, due to local sentiments against communists.
Now, our goal is to give the people something else to worry about. As you well
know, the Washington Police Station has some tear gas around the back. Pick up a
police uniform, and the tear gas. I would like you to release the gas in the Malibu
Club, the Pole Position Club, the Vice Point Mall, and the Washington Mall. Our
hope is that police brutality will become the cities main concern.
Objectives:
Collect the Tear Gas Canisters and the Police Uniform from the Washington Police
Station. Borrow a squad car, and release the gas in the following locations:
Malibu Club
Pole Position Club
Vice Point Mall
Washington Mall
If you are wasted, busted, or run out of canisters before reaching the last
location, you fail the mission.
--Russian Mafia Mission #2: Cross Town Rivals
(Telephone rings) Comrade Vercetti, good news. Our drug operation has been set up,
and we are currently producing at full capacity. However, we have been unable to
distribute our goods on the mainland. The Haitians and Cubans are to blame. Their
dealers have control of the market in their respective areas. Take out the enemy
dealers, so my dealers can distribute our good. If you complete this mission, we
will let you in to our base of operations
Objectives:
Travel to Little Haiti and kill 20 Haitians
Travel to Little Havana and kill 30 Cubans
If you are wasted or busted before reaching the quotas, you fail the mission
--Russian Mafia Mission #3: Betrayal
(Telephone Rings) I am Fedotenko, Pishkin's second-in-command. Comrade
Vercetti, Pishkin has told me much about you. He will be attending a funeral back
in Mother Russia. For years, I have been Pishkin's second-in-command. I have
watched as he pitifully struggled to establish himself. I have wanted to eliminate
him myself, but that would put me in bad standing with the homeland. With you here,
I can now complete my plan. You have nothing to fear, as you have not yet reached
the mafia hierarchy. Pishkin's flight will be leaving in 3 hours. I do not have
enough time to give you a description of Pishkin. Get to Escobar International and
kill everyone there. With Pishkin out of the way, I will be in control, and I will
see to it that you are handsomely rewarded.
Objectives: Get to Escobar International Airport. Once there, enter the terminal and
kill 15 civilians before Pishkin's flight leaves. If you are wasted or busted before
reaching the quota, you fail the mission.
--Russian Mafia Mission #4: Grand Theft Aero
(Telephone Rings) Tommy, good to hear from you. The plan went off without a
hitch. Pishkin is gone, and I am in command. Once we complete our next major
objective, you will receive your reward. In preparation, we will need some flying
vehicles. The vehicles should be delivered to Hyman Memorial Stadium, where my men
will take care of them. The vehicles we need are a Maverick, a Police Maverick, a
VCN Maverick, a Sparrow, a Sea Skimmer, and a Hunter. If possible, we would also
like a Sea Sparrow.
Objectives:
Deliver the following vehicles to Hyman Memorial Stadium:
Maverick
Police Maverick
VCN Maverick
Sparrow
Sea Skimmer
Hunter
(Optional)
Deliver a Sea Sparrow to Hyman Memorial Stadium
If you are wasted or busted before reaching the quota, you fail the mission.
--Russian Mafia Mission #5: Havoc
(Telephone Rings) Tommy, it is time for us to strike. The VCPD are at their most
vulnerable now. We need you to take a Hunter, and cause as much devastation to the
VCPD as possible.
Objectives:
Destroy a minimum of 10 Police Squad Cars
Destroy a minimum of 25 SWAT Enforcers and FBI Ranchers
Destroy a minimum of 20 Barracks Ols
If you are wasted or busted before reaching the quota, you fail the mission
--Prologue to Russian Mafia Missions:
Comrade Tommy, it has been good working with you. Our operation is generating
millions daily. The VCPD dare not interfere. However, I believe it is time to
extinguish our contract. Goodbye Tommy. (Fedotenko pulls gun on Tommy, but Tommy is
too quick. Tommy knocks the gun out of Fedotenko's hand, pulls out his python and
blows Fedotenko's brains out.)
Thanks to Succotashi for the Russian Mafia Missions.
=======================================================================
The Brotherhood Missions
Background:
The Brotherhood is an underground organization that prefers to remain in the dark.
Information about their location, leader, and operations is scarce. However, it is
known that those with information about the Brotherhood have disappeared without a
trace. It also seems that those who wish to contact the Brotherhood have
disappeared. In short, it would be wise to not even acknowledge their presence.
--Brotherhood Mission #1: Contact
(While out at the Pole Position Club, the private pole dancer hands Tommy a business
card with a location and a time. Junkyard, 10:30. Tommy shows up at the Junkyard
at 10:30 with the business card in his pocket, and a python in his hand. A masked
stranger approaches)
You are Mr. Vercetti, I presume? I am #8. If you wish to learn more, take this
envelope.
(Tommy accepts the envelope. Inside there is a letter)
Mr. Vercetti, it has come to our attention that you may be interested in our
organization. In order for us to assure that you can be contacted further, you must
complete 2 tasks. First, gain a full wanted level, steal 2 tanks, and deposit them
both at the junkyard without visiting a Pay-And-Spray, or collecting police bribes.
The second task is that you must acquire a Hunter from Fort Baxter without
collecting a police uniform. This is to assure that you are both cunning and
stealthy. If you accomplish these two tasks, we will contact you once again.
Objectives:
First, attain a full six-star wanted level.
Steal 2 tanks and take them to the Junkyard.
Next, steal a Hunter and take it to the Junkyard.
If you are wasted, busted, or cheat, or if you visit a Pay-and-Spray or collect a
police bribe, you fail the mission.
--Brotherhood Mission #2: Test of Survival
(A note is left on Tommy's desk at the Vercetti Estate)
Mr. Vercetti, I believe we can now establish open lines of contact. I am #4. I
belong to the Brotherhood. I believe it is time you got acquainted with our
organization. We have a hierarchy of power. As you can tell, I am fourth from the
top of the chain. The founder of our organization, #1, has granted me permission to
scout another possible member. Currently, our organization consists of twenty men,
each with a numeric designation. The first test for all candidates is a test of
survival. Acquire a Baggage Handler. Blow out all four tires. Gain a six-star
wanted level. Your goal is to survive for 1 hour. You must remain in the vehicle
at all times, and you must remain on a main road within Escobar International
Airport. Once you have outlasted the Army for 1 hour, remain in the vehicle, and
proceed to the mall in Vice Point. Enter, and pickup the casual outfit from Gash.
Once you have completed these tasks, you are free to collect a police bribe or visit
a pay-and-spray.
Objectives:
Find a Baggage Handler at Escobar International Airport.
Gain a six star wanted level.
Survive for one hour against the army.
After having survived for 1 hour, proceed to the mall in Vice Point.
Enter the mall, and collect the Casual outfit in front of Gash
If you are wasted, busted, or cheat, leave the Baggage Handler at any time, or leave
Escobar International Airport before reaching 1 hour, you fail the mission
--Brotherhood Mission #3: Trial by Fire
(Tommy receives a telephone call)
Mr. Vercetti, you completed the first test with high marks. The second test is a
trial by fire. You must kill 100 law enforcement officers with either a
Flamethrower, or Molotov Cocktails. Civilian kills do not add to your total, and
neither do gang member kills. Once you have reached the requirements, go to the
Junkyard, where we will meet to discuss the final test.
Objectives:
Using only a Flamethrower or Molotov Cocktails, kill 100 law enforcement officers.
Kills by any other means do not add to your total.
If necessary, you may collect a police bribe, or visit a Pay-and-Spray.
After having reached the quota, head to the Junkyard to receive the final test.
If you are wasted, busted, or cheat, or if you head to the Junkyard before having
reached the quota, you fail the mission.
--Brotherhood Mission #4: The Final Test
(Tommy arrives at the Junkyard, where he meets a midget surrounded by two
bodyguards, all of them covered with black clothing.)
Mr. Vercetti, I am #1. My size may be diminutive, but my power is unimaginable.
Your final test for entrance into our reclusive organization is a test of
destruction. If your highest media attention is below 4000, then you must reach
that level. If your highest media attention is above that level, then you must
break your current mark. You may arrive at the level by any means you desire. If
you can complete this mission, you will gain access to our organization.
Objectives:
If your highest media attention is below 4000, then reach that plateau.
If your highest media attention is above 4000, then break your current record.
You may accomplish this goal by any means you wish.
If you are wasted, busted, or cheat, you fail the mission.
--Brotherhood Mission #5: The Plan
(Tommy meets with #5)
#21, it is time you learned of our plan. We have acquired a weapon of unimaginable
power. Its destructive forces are capable of exterminating all life in the
Southeastern United States area. We plan to evacuate the area, unleash the weapon,
then return to begin our conquest of the world. #3 has set up a front for creating
a vessel to leave the area. Most denizens of the area know him as Pastor Richards.
With money collected from donations, we shall construct a spaceship with which to
escape the area. From there, we shall launch the weapon. First, in order for us to
construct this massive spacecraft, we require parts. We need you to collect certain
vehicles that will aid in the construction.
Objectives:
Steal 5 Squallo's, 5 Cuban Jetmaxes, and 1 Predator, and deliver them to the docks
near the Junkyard.
Next, steal 30 Cheetahs, and deliver them to the Junkyard.
If you are busted, wasted, or cheat, you fail the mission.
--Brotherhood Mission #6: Final Preparations
(#21 meets with #3)
#21, in final preparation for our operation, we require weapons. We also need large
amounts of ammunition for them.
Objectives:
Acquire a Mini-Gun, and a total of 7500 bullets for it.
Acquire an M4 Assault Rifle, and a total of 1500 bullets for it.
Acquire an MP5 Submachine Gun, and a total of 2500 bullets for it.
Acquire a PSG-1 Sniper rifle and a total of 500 bullets for it.
Acquire a SPAS 12 Shotgun and a total of 1500 bullets for it.
Acquire a Colt Python and a total of 1000 bullets for it.
Acquire 200 Grenades.
Deliver the weapons to the Junkyard.
If you are wasted, busted, or cheat, or if you return to the Junkyard without having
reached the munitions quota, you fail the mission.
--Brotherhood Final Mission #7
(#21 meets with #1)
Well #21, I am very sorry to inform you that the spacecraft only has room for 10
passengers. As a result, we are forced to leave you behind, and let you be
incinerated along with the rest of Florida. (The other nine 'passengers' point
their M4's at #21, and remove his weapons). Now, #21, it is time for us to leave.
Our spaceship shall be lifting off in 2 hours time. Tell the devil Marty Chonks
sent you. (The 10 'passengers' leave Tommy behind, and head for their spacecraft).
Objectives:
Head for the Junkyard as fast as you can.
Find the 'spacecraft' (Trashmaster). Since you have no weapons you must destroy it
by hand. While running against the spacecraft, swing at it with your fists, to
slowly destroy it. Make sure you destroy it within 2 hours. If you are wasted,
busted, or cheat, fail to destroy the spacecraft within 2 hours, or use any weapon
including Brass Knuckles, you fail the mission.
Thanks to Succotashi for the Brotherhood Missions.
--------------------
b. Fun Things To Do
--------------------
This section will just include some other fun stuff to do if you get bored with the
game. Contributions needed greatly!!!
Bike In Mansion:
I am playing the game right now and I figured out something fun to do at Tommy's
Mansion. Me and a lot of my friends always wanted to take a bike in here like you
can at the mall and if you try riding in it takes the car or bike away all you have
to do is jump of the bike or out of the car so it goes in by itself and you can see
it from out side go in and its there. Also I was looking at your costume section and
I noticed you don't have the bank costume after you do all the asset missions for
the Malibu club its up stars.
(Thanks to Infamous B)
Riding With A Buddy:
I dont know how widespread this is (Ive never heard anyone say it), but if you
locate a motorcycle with two people on it, you can KNOCK (not shoot) them off, then
get on their motorcycle and let the passenger get on with you. Cool.
(Thanks to Aaron K.)
Snipe Through Car
Use a sniper rifle, crouch down, pick a car, and shoot the driver through the
windshield (or the back window). The car stops, and the driver collapses onto the
street in a pool of blood.
(Thanks to Chip Ford)
------------
c. Glitches
------------
(Thanks to www.vcsource.tk)
Fly under Vice City:
Get a helicopter (Hunter recommended), and go to the front of the WK Chariot Hotel
in the Downtown area. This is the same hotel that was across from Candi Suxxx's and
Shrub's love nest. It is marked "Vice Point Langer" on the front. Take your
helicopter and fly it under the front awning. Basically, fly it directly up to the
front door. Then, hold X and fly straight up. You will fly through a fake (non-
solid) roof, and be inside the hotel. You can see the spiral stairwell that you have
to run up to take the photos in the Martha's Mugshot mission from the outside. From
there, fly downward and you are now under the game map and can go anywhere. Note: Do
not fly too low or too high or you may appear above ground or end up dying in the
water.
Fall from water to sky:
Enable the "Dodo (flying" and "Float on water" codes. Go into the water and drive
around. Gain speed and fly into the air. Try to flip your vehicle upside down in the
water. If done correctly, the car will sink and a clicking sound will start. You and
the vehicle will drop out of the sky and land somewhere random in Vice City. Note:
You may need to try this a few times with different cars. If it does not work
immediately, you will die.
Change size of the moon:
Use the sniper rifle at night, zoom in on the moon, then shoot it. It will get
bigger or smaller.
Change size of garbage bags:
Get a sniper rifle and zoom in on a group of two garbage bags. Start shooting at
them to make one very big and the other very small.
Lose extra health from prostitute:
If you use a prostitute to get your health above 100 and go to a save point, your
health will drop back to 100 when you exit the save point.
Stand on car in mid-air:
When you go over a ramp or jump, open your car door in mid-air. You will get out and
will be standing on the car while it is floating in mid-air.
Sink through a car:
Get a Packer, and drive a motorcycle on top of it. Exit the motorcycle and you will
sink through the packer as if it was not there. You will then pop up next to it.
Store more than two cars or motorcycles in garage:
When you have two cars or motorcycles in your garage at your safe house, you usually
will not be able to store any vehicles inside. To get around this, get off the car
or motorcycle in front of the full garage. The garage will open. Get on your
motorcycle or into your car quickly and drive it into the garage before the door
closes.
Get more than two motorcycles into a single garage: Get a motorcycle and drive it to
a garage with two other motorcycles. Drive your motorcycle to the garage and get
off to open the garage door. Then, get back on and drive it in before the garage
door has a chance to shut. When you save the game, the third motorcycle will remain
in the garage.
Re-appearing cars:
If you have any vehicles in a garage, you can blow it up into scrap metal. If the
metal is in the garage, make the garage door close. Once you have it open again, the
car that was destroyed will appear again, while the scrap metal of the car that was
destroyed is still there.
Never fall off motorcycle:
Take a PCG 600 to a clothes shop. The easiest one is "Collar And Cuffs" with
the "Mr. Vercetti" outfit. Get off the motorcycle, and get the outfit. Once it is
gone, place the motorcycle parallel to the edge of the small steps, so that the
clothes still respawn. Once you do this, get on the motorcycle at the exact moment
when you buy the clothes. You will be stuck the motorcycle as though the game merged
you into it. This now allows you to drive around safely without worry of falling
off. Also, it lets you use an assault riffle as a drive-by weapon. However, once you
fire the gun, the bike will return to normal, allowing you to fall off again and
disabling the gun. However, as long as you hold Circle, you will still shoot assault
rifle. This glitch can also be done with other motorcycles.
Headless driver:
Find a Ruger or a Sniper. Look for any car, get in front of it, and make it stop.
Make sure only one person is inside the car. Shoot the person in the head and run
quickly to the driver's side door. Use the rear view (L1 + R1) and move the car
slightly. Watch as the headless driver walks to you.
Regenerating people:
To see people appear out of the middle of nowhere, aim the sniper rifle in the
distance at a sidewalk or a road. People will just appear and walk around.
Floating road blocks:
Go into an alley that has orange road blocks. Start shooting them and moving them
around. Walk a few blocks away and when you return they should be floating in the
air.
Taxi driver pickup:
Steal any taxi cab and immediately press R3 to start a taxi mission. The person you
are supposed to pick up is often the taxi cab driver you just pulled out.
Mid-air skid marks:
Get a motorcycle (PCJ 600 recommended) and find a Packer driving down the road. Stay
directly behind its ramp, just keeping up with it. Suddenly, hit the gas but do not
launch off the top of the Packer -- just roll back down the ramp in reverse to see
your skid mark floating in the air. Get a Packer and park a car on top of it. Drive
the Packer in reverse so that the car falls off the top of it. The car will leave a
big skid mark hanging in the middle of the air.
Climb a tree:
Go to where a beach or a body of water is located. There should be some palm trees
nearby. Find one that is bent (or curved) and try to climb it. Note: Do not run up
the tree or you will fall in -- walk slowly. When you get close to the top, slow
down. If you continue walking, you will fall.
Aim with cell phone:
When the phone is ringing, equip yourself with any kind of auto-aiming weapon (such
as a pistol). Press R1 to aim it at a random pedestrian. While still holding R1,
press L1 to answer the phone. Tommy will continue to aim in the same spot, though
now he is using the cell phone instead of the gun. You may release R1 and he will
continue to aim at the same spot, even if the pedestrian moves. Note: Depending on
how you move, he may switch between holding the phone to his ear, and pointing it at
the blank spot that the pedestrian used to occupy.
Fall off the world:
Get on a bike and ride it fast towards a clothes store. Jump off, and it will stop
just inside the doorway. Run inside and jump on the bike, then onto the door. Jump
in any direction and you will fall or float depending on which direction you go. You
will then land back outside the store.
Escobar International Airport: Get weapons inside:
Go through the metal detector at the airport and your weapons will be removed. Keep
running at the glass where your weapons are located and you can actually get some of
them back while inside the airport.
Little Havana: Helicopter with wheels:
After acquiring Sunshine Autos, get a Sparrow. Fly it to Sunshine Autos and set it
down just outside the Pay 'N' Spray in back, If you are confident in your flying
abilities, attempt to fly it into the spray area. If not, turn it around so that the
cockpit is facing the four garages and push it inside. Once it is in there, get
inside. After it is sprayed, fly it out of the garage and you will have a helicopter
with wheels.
Little Havana: List mistake:
On the fourth and final list for Sunshine Autos, the list says to get a "Baggage"
instead of the vehicle's true name, the "Baggage Handler".
Little Havana: Untouchable clothes:
Go to the Little Havana Streetwear store. The front door will be open. Enter it,
then turn to your left. You will see the clothes icon with the word "Havana".
Ocean Beach: Matrix-type move:
Go into the lighthouse on the beach. Climb to the very top staircase. Then, attempt
to jump down to the last stairs through the middle. Tommy will jump, do a small
Trinity-style move from The Matrix, then go back to the stairs.
Starfish Island: Appear to be shrunk:
Go to Starfish Island and find any mansion that has trees in its backyard. Stand
next to the "tree" and you will appear as if you have shrunk very small. The "trees"
behind the Starfish Island houses are actually big patches of grass.
Starfish Island: Garage door:
At Vercetti Estate, as you go up the left side stairs in the front and go towards
the front door, you will hear the garage door open and it will come up from beneath
you.
Vercetti Estage: Big faced bills:
In the Versetti Estate, go into the office at the top of the main stairs where you
save the game. Select a sniper rifle. Then, directly right in front of the safe and
crouch down. Zoom in and look at the bills. The one closest to Tommy (and some
others) have the new style big heads paper currency. If this game takes place in the
1980s, they should be the old small head style bills.
Vice Point: Pedestrians sitting on air:
Go into the North Point Mall and look around on the benches. Sometimes the
pedestrians will sit down on them, however they sit strangely and are actually
sitting on air.
Vice Point: Motorcycle in club:
Get a Freeway motorcycle and drive it into the Malibu Club for an interesting glitch.
Vice Point: Motorcycle in mall:
You can take any kind of motorcycle into the North Point Mall. You can then drive
around in the mall freely. However, it is easier to drive up the "down" escalator to
go up and ramp down when you want to go down.
Keep Your Friends Close mission: Wrong subtitle text:
When Tommy tells Rosenberg to get $20 million of counterfeit money, the subtitles
state 3.
Ice Cream Factory saves:
The game may glitch at times when it is saved at the Ice Cream Factory. When that
save is reloaded, the game will turn black and freeze.
Chainsaw glitch:
Go behind the ocean view hotel and you will see a small house get a bike ride up the
stairs and smash into the door you will now be inside the frame of the house exit
and you will be in a room with a bed and a TV now go into the bathroom and the walls
have blood over them and there is a chainsaw you can pick it up.
(Thanks to Ed Coleman)
Additional information from Wes
-------------------------------
You mention in the glitches section about jumping through a wall and finding a room
with a TV and bathroom covered in blood with a chainsaw. You don't have to jump
through the wall. Go to the white apartments near the Pay 'N' Spray on the southern
area of the first island. Go up the stairs on one of the sides and you can go into
the apartment door. It should say "Apartment 3C" or something to that effect.
There's your blood stained bathroom and free chainsaw.
Sniper Through Window Glitch:
When your in the ocean view hotel, if you go up to your room and go right up to the
window, you can shoot stuff like cops but they cant shoot you...its kind of like
invincibility but you can only shoot through the window with a sniper...I tried all
the other and they dont work.
(Thanks to gnar stokin)
Make Cars New Free:
You can use your garage at the mansion as a paint and spray but it doesnt change
color and it doesnt get rid of stars it just fixes the vehicle... I even blew up a
motorcycle, pushed it into the garage. let it close and when I looked back in it was
brand new.
(Thanks to gnar stokin)
Go Through Walls:
I have found that in the building you destroy in the "demolition man" mission. If
you drive up the stairs in car you can drive straight through the blue walls.
(Thanks to lazzerus)
Jump through a skinny wall or fence:
To do this you need a motorcycle, park the motorcycle on one side of the wall or
fence go to the other side and keep on pressing triangle to do the thing where he
jumps on from the front. Eventually tommy will jump through the wall or fence onto
the motorcycle. (I have not tried this with a faggio)
(Thanks to MYPS2BROKE2)
Iron Pedestrian:
I was in an Infernus going max speed and I came across a pedestrian that I tried to
run over, when I hit the pedestrian the car acted as if I had just slammed into a
building, and the ped. Just kept on walking as if nothing had happened.
(Thanks to MtPrecisionmetal)
Teleporting House:
I was driving along by Auntie Poulet's house, and it appeared as if her house was no
longer there,being as I wasn't paying a whole lot of attention as to where I was at
first I thought "oh, hey, I never noticed that shortcut before" and I turned off to
go through the "hole". Well, I slammed into the still invisible house, I sat there
for about 5 seconds looking stupidly at the gap that my car wasn't going through
till the house finally appeared. It just seemed to do the Star Trek "teleporting"
thing, hence my name for the glitch
(Thanks to MtPrecisionmetal)
*** If anyone has any other glitches that they know of, please e-mail me so I can
post it up here. ***
==========
17. Codes
==========
Yay! Codes! No game is complete without codes for everything, so you can fool
around a little with the game. There are some codes from GTA3, and some new kinds
of codes. There are push button codes, and the GameShark codes can be found at
www.gameshark.com. Here we go!
---------------------
a. Push-Button Codes
---------------------
U = Up
D = Down
L = Left
R = Right
T = Triangle
S = Square
X = X
O = Circle
L1 = L1
L2 = L2
R1 = R1
R2 = R2
--------------
Player Cheats
--------------
All Weapons #1
R1, R2, L1, R2, L, D, R, U, L, D, R, U
All Weapons #2
R1, R2, L1, R2, L, D, R, U, L, D, D, L
All Weapons #3
R1, R2, L1, R2, L, D, R, U, L, D, D, D
Full Armor
R1, R2, L1, X, L, D, R, U, L, D, R, U
Full Health
R1, R2, L1, O, L, D, R, U, L, D, R, U
Commit Suicide
R, L2, D, R1, L, L, R1, L1, L2, L1
Raise Wanted Level
R1, R1, O, R2, L, R, L, R, L, R
Lower Wanted Level
R1, R1, O, R2, U, D, U, D, U, D
Ladies Man (certain women follow you)
O, X, L1, L1, R2, X, X, O, T
----------------------
Character Skin Cheats
----------------------
Change Clothes
R, R, L, U, L1, L2, L, U, D, R
Play As Ricardo Diaz
L1, L2, R1, R2, D, L1, R2, L2
Play As Lance Vance
O, L2, L, X, R1, L1, X, L1
Play As Candy Suxxx
O, R2, D, R1, L, R, R1, L1, X, L2
Play As Ken Rosenberg
R, L1, U, L2, L1, R, R1, L1, X, R1
Play As Hilary King
R1, O, R2, L1, R, R1, L1, X, R2
Play As Love Fist Guy #1
D, L1, D, L2, L, X, R1, L1, X, X
Play As Love Fist Guy #2
R1, L2, R2, L1, R, R2, L, X, S, L1
Play As Phil Cassady
R, R1, U, R2, L1, R, R1, L1 ,R, O
Play As Sonny Forelli
O, L1, O, L2, L, X, R1, L1, X, X
Play As Mercedes
R2, L1, U, L1, R, R1, R, U, O, T
------------------------
Vehicle Spawning Cheats
------------------------
Spawn A Rhino
O, O, L1, O, O, O, L1, L2, R1, T, O, T
Spawn A Bloodring Racer
D, R1, O, L2, L2, X, R1, L1, L, L
Spawn A Bloodring Banger
U, R, R, L1, R, U, S, L2
Spawn A Hotring Racer #1
R1, O, R2, R, L1, L2, X, X, S, R1
Spawn A Hotring Racer #2
R2, L1, O, R, L1, R1, R, U, O, R2
Spawn A Romero's Hearse
D, R2, D, R1, L2, L, R1, L1, L, R
Spawn A Love Fist
R2, U, L2, L, L, R1, L1, O, R
Spawn A Trashmaster
O, R1, O, R1, L, L, R1, L1, O, R
Spawn A Sabre Turbo
R, L2, D, L2, L2, X, R1, L1, O, L
Spawn A Caddie
O, L1, U, R1, L2, X, R1, L1, O, X
---------------------
Other Vehicle Cheats
---------------------
Blow Up Cars
R2, L2, R1, L1, L2, R2, S, T, O, T, L2, L1
Aggressive Drivers
R2, O, R1, L2, L, R1, L1, R2, L2
Pink Cars
O, L1, D, L2, L, X, R1, L1, R, X
Pink Cars
O, L1, D, L2, L, X, R1, L1, R, O
Black Cars
O, L2, U, R1, L, X, R1, L1, L, O
Dodo Cheat
R, R2, O, R1, L2, D, L1, R1
Perfect Handling
T, R1, R1, L, R1, L1, R2, L1
Drive Cars in Water
R, R2, O, R1, L2, S, R1, R2
(contrubted by Gerardo F.)
---------------
Weather Cheats
---------------
Sunny Weather
R2, X, L1, L1, L2, L2, L2, D
Cloudy Weather
R2, X, L1, L1, L2, L2, L2, T
Very Cloudy Weather
R2, X, L1, L1, L2, L2, L2, S
Stormy Weather
R2, X, L1, L1, L2, L2, L2, O
Foggy Weather
R2, X, L1, L1, L2, L2, L2, X
---------------------
Miscellaneous Cheats
---------------------
Speed Up Time
O, O, L1, S, L1, S, S, S, L1, T, O, T
Slow Down Time
T, U, R, D, S, R2, R1
Peds Riot*
D, L, U, L, X, R2, R1, L2, L1
* Most likely, you won't be able to turn this off once it's on.
Peds Hate You*
D, U, U, U, X, R2, R1, L2, L2
* Most likely, you won't be able to turn this off once it's on.
-------------------
b. GameShark Codes
-------------------
(thanks to gameshark.com)
(M) Must Be On
0E3C7DF2 1853E59E
EE8CDC8A BCBBBD9A
Life codes:
Infinite health
DE8FFFFE F8AEDD4B
DE8FFFFA 68EE9EEB
DE8FFF86 BF899B8B
DE8FFF82 02A99BA7
DE91CA1A C8AC9A43
Infinite armor
DE8FFFFE F8AEDD4B
DE8FFFFA 68EE9EEF
DE8FFF86 BF899B8B
DE8FFF82 02A9A3B9
DE91CA1A C8AC9A43
Infinite health & armor
DE8FFFFE F8AEDD4B
DE8FFFFA 68EE9EEB
DE8FFF86 68EE9EEF
DE8FFF82 BF899B8B
DE8FFF8E 02A99BA7
DE91CA1A C8AC9A43
Freeze mission timer
DE97F3E6 BCA99B83
Max money
DE4279D2 C19E7B82
DE4279DE C19E7B82
Moonjump
DE8FFFBE F8AA9BDF
DE8FFFBA 3CCAAB86
DE8FFF46 E0AC9B02
DE8FFF42 D00A9B95
DE8FFF4A F8AAD983
DE8FFF56 4F2D8C8B
DE8FFF52 E0AC9CEF
DE8FFF5E F8AB9BDF
DE8FFF5A E0EB18C3
DE8FFF66 BC2CB39B
DE8FFF6E BCECABA4
DE8FFF6A 48EB9B83
DE8FFF72 68EA9BF7
DE8FFF7A E0AC9BF3
DE8FFF7E C4AD23F3
DE8CDD32 C4AC9A43
Walk Through Walls
0E42EEF8 BCA99980
DE8B2776 BCA99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99880
DE8B2776 C8B7AEE3
Press: L3+L2 to activate, L3+R2 to stop
Never lose weapons
DE83D4CE BF899B8B
DE83D4CA BCA99B83
With this code you won't lose weapons, even when busted or killed
Cops have no AI
DE85675E BF899B8B
DE85675A BCA99B83
Hypermode
0E42EEF8 BCA99772
DEB3DA56 FDA99B83
Press L2+R2+UP
Slow motion
0E42EEF8 BCA99742
DEB3DA56 FA299B83
Press L2+R2+DOWN
Normal game speed
0E42EEF8 BCA99781
DEB3DA56 FB299B83
Press L2+R2+Select
Never exhausted
DE82000A CCA99B97
Disable car damage
DE887302 BCA99B83
Maniac Runner
DE8C551E F8ABDB03
No wanted level
DE950DE2 E0AF9B83
loads of pedestrians
DEB44076 FE299B83
Loads of traffic
DEB4478E FE299B83
No traffic
DEB4478E BCA99B83
Cars never blow up
DE892BDE BF899B8B
DE892BDA BCA99B83
Censorship codes:
Disable blood
DEB41E4A BCA99B83
Enable blood (FR and DE)
DEB41E4A BCA99B84
Monster front bike
DE8C0E3E F8ACDB03
Statistics codes:
All packages
DE4279DA BCA99BE7
People wasted
DEB3DC8E C19E7B82
People wasted by others
DEB3DC8A C19E7B82
Road vehicles destroyed
DEB3DC96 C19E7B82
Boats destroyed
DEB3DC92 C19E7B82
Tires popped
DEB3DC9E C19E7B82
Bullets fired
DEB3DC9A C19E7B82
Planes & helis destroyed
DEB3DCA6 C19E7B82
Game 100% complete (stat)
DEB3DCA2 FFC39B83
Explosives used
DEB3DCAA C19E7B82
Bullets that hit
DEB3DCB6 C19E7B82
Number of headshots
DEB3DCB2 C19E7B82
Wanted stars attained
DEB3DCBE C19E7B82
Wanted stars evaded
DEB3DCBA C19E7B82
Times busted
DEB3DC46 C19E7B82
Hospital visits
DEB3DC42 C19E7B82
Days passed
DEB3DC4E C19E7B82
Safehouse visits
DEB3DC4A C19E7B82
Sprayings
DEB3DC56 C19E7B82
Insane jump height
DEB3DC5E 0A1706AB
Insane jump flips
DEB3DC5A C19E7B82
Insane jump rotation
DEB3DC66 C19E7B82
Best insane stunt
DEB3DC62 BCA99B8B
All unique jumps
DEB3DC6E BCA99BA7
Mission attempts
DEB3DC76 C19E7B82
Passengers dropped off
DEB3DC7E C19E7B82
Taxi cash
DEB3DC7A C19E7B82
Miles on foot
DEB3DC06 11719B83
Miles by car
DEB3DC02 11719B83
Miles by bike
DEB3DC0E 11719B83
Miles by boat
DEB3DC0A 11719B83
Miles by golf cart
DEB3DC16 11719B83
Miles by helicopter
DEB3DC12 11719B83
All rampages passed
DEB3DC3E BCA99BA6
6EFEFE80 BCA99B87
Vigilante kills
DEB3DC26 C19E7B82
Fires extinguished
DEB3DC22 C19E7B82
Highest vigilante level
DEB3DC2E C19E7B82
Highest paramedic level
DEB3DC2A C19E7B82
Fire truck mission level
DEB3DC36 C19E7B82
Fishes fed
DEB3DCCE C19E7B82
Max visits from loan sharks
DEB3DCDE 0A1706AB
All weapons 1
0E42EEF8 BCA99A70
DE977C76 BCA99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE977C76 D0E99B87
Press L3+UP
All weapons 2 (Katana)
0E42EEF8 BCA99A40
DE977C12 BCA99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE977C12 D0E99B87
Press L3+DOWN
All weapons 3 (Chainsaw)
0E42EEF8 BCA99A00
DE977C3E BCA99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE977C3E D0E99B89
Press L3+LEFT
Hot chicks
0E42EEF8 BCA99A60
DE976206 BCA99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE976206 D0E99B92
Press L3+RIGHT
Armour cheat
0E42EEF8 BCA99A6E
DE977386 D0E99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE977386 D0E99B9F
Press R3+UP
Health cheat
0E42EEF8 BCA99A3E
DE977306 D0E99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE977306 D0E99BC9
Press R3+DOWN
Increase wanted level
0E42EEF8 BCA99AFE
DE97722E BCA99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE97722E D0E99BA2
Press R3+LEFT
No wanted level
0E42EEF8 BCA99A5E
DE9771B2 BCA99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE9771B2 D0E99B95
Press R3+RIGHT
Weather type 1
0E42EEF8 BCA99502
DE97710A BCA99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE97710A D0E99B92
Weather Modifier Press L1+L2+LEFT
Weather type 2
0E42EEF8 BCA99502
DE9771DE D0E99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE9771DE D0E99B92
Weather Modifier Press L1+L2+LEFT
Weather type 3
0E42EEF8 BCA99502
DE9770A2 BCA99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE9770A2 D0E99B92
Weather Modifier Press L1+L2+LEFT
Weather type 4
0E42EEF8 BCA99502
DE977076 BCA99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE977076 D0E99B92
Weather Modifier Press L1+L2+LEFT
Weather type 5
0E42EEF8 BCA99502
DE97703A BCA99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE97703A D0E99B92
Weather Modifier Press L1+L2+LEFT
Have Tank
0E42EEF8 BCA99A71
DE97778E BCA99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE97778E D0E99B8A
Press Select+UP
Quick hours
0E42EEF8 BCA99A41
DE9777B2 BCA99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE9777B2 D0E99B93
Press Select+DOWN
See through cars
0E42EEF8 BCA99A61
DE976BD6 BCA99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE976BD6 D0E99B98
Press Select+RIGHT
Exploding cars
0E42EEF8 BCA99A01
DE977702 BCA99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE977702 D0E99BAB
Press Select+LEFT
Raging pedestrians
0E42EEF8 BCA99072
DE97765A D0E99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE97765A D0E99BBF
Press R1+R2+UP
Pedestrians attack you
0E42EEF8 BCA99042
DE97755A D0E99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE97755A D0E99BCB
Press R1+R2+DOWN
Pedestrians have weapons
0E42EEF8 BCA99002
DE97740A D0E99B98
Press R1+R2+LEFT
Flying cars
0E42EEF8 BCA99062
DE976AB2 D0E99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE976AB2 D0E99B98
Press R1+R2+RIGHT
White suit
0E42EEF8 BCA99542
DE976E0A BCA99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE976E0A D0E99B8A
Character Modifier Press L1+L2+DOWN
Chick
0E42EEF8 BCA99542
DE976E3E BCA99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE976E3E D0E99B8A
Character Modifier Press L1+L2+DOWN
Pink suit guy
0E42EEF8 BCA99542
DE976EE2 D0E99B8A
Character Modifier Press L1+L2+DOWN
Fat guy
0E42EEF8 BCA99542
DE976D96 BCA99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE976D96 D0E99B92
Character Modifier Press L1+L2+DOWN
Punk
0E42EEF8 BCA99542
DE976DBA D0E99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE976DBA D0E99B8A
Character Modifier Press L1+L2+DOWN
X guy
0E42EEF8 BCA99542
DE976D6E D0E99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE976D6E D0E99B8A
Character Modifier Press L1+L2+DOWN
Prostitute
0E42EEF8 BCA99542
DE976322 BCA99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE976322 D0E99B8A
Character Modifier Press L1+L2+DOWN
Hooligan
0E42EEF8 BCA99542
DE9763D6 BCA99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE9763D6 D0E99B8A
Character Modifier Press L1+L2+DOWN
Hawaiin shirt
0E42EEF8 BCA99542
DE9762CA BCA99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE9762CA D0E99B88
Character Modifier Press L1+L2+DOWN
Press L1+L2+UP for a car
Have Herse
0E42EEF8 BCA99572
DE976F36 D0E99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE976F36 D0E99B8A
Press L1+L2+UP
Have Love Fist
0E42EEF8 BCA99572
DE976FDA D0E99B8A
Press L1+L2+UP
Have Trashmaster
0E42EEF8 BCA99572
DE976E8E D0E99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE976E8E D0E99B8A
Press L1+L2+UP
Have Sabre Turbo
0E42EEF8 BCA99572
DE976EB2 D0E99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE976EB2 D0E99B8A
Press L1+L2+UP
Have Caddy
0E42EEF8 BCA99572
DE976E66 D0E99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE976E66 D0E99B8A
Press L1+L2+UP
Have Bloodring Banger
0E42EEF8 BCA99572
DE9762FA BCA99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE9762FA D0E99B8A
Press L1+L2+UP
Have Hotring Racer
0E42EEF8 BCA99572
DE9762AE D0E99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE9762AE D0E99B8A
Press L1+L2+UP
Unknown cheat 1
0E42EEF8 BCA99562
DE9769FA D0E99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE9769FA D0E99B91
Press L1+L2+RIGHT
Unknown cheat 2
0E42EEF8 BCA99562
DE976942 BCA99B83
Press L1+L2+RIGHT
Unknown cheat 3
0E42EEF8 BCA99562
DE9769F6 BCA99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE9769F6 D0E99B9A
Press L1+L2+RIGHT
Unknown cheat 4
0E42EEF8 BCA99562
DE976FBE D0E99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE976FBE D0E99B92
Press L1+L2+RIGHT
Unknown cheat 5
0E42EEF8 BCA99562
DE976DC6 D0A99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE977056 D0E99B95
Press L1+L2+RIGHT
Unknown cheat 6
0E42EEF8 BCA99562
DE976C9E BCA99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE976C9E D0E99B89
Press L1+L2+RIGHT
Unknown cheat 7
0E42EEF8 BCA99562
DE976C46 BCA99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE976C46 D0E99BC2
Press L1+L2+RIGHT
Unknown cheat 8
0E42EEF8 BCA99562
DE97634A BCA99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE97634A D0E99B95
Press L1+L2+RIGHT
Unknown cheat 9
0E42EEF8 BCA99562
DE97685A D0E99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE97685A D0E99B91
Press L1+L2+RIGHT
Unknown cheat 10
0E42EEF8 BCA99562
DE976822 BCA99B83
0E42EEF8 BCA99A82
DE976822 D0E99B91
Press L1+L2+RIGHT
-Ocean Height Garage Modifier-
-Cars-
Landstalker
DE53A5EE BCA99B05
Idaho
DE53A5EE BCA99B06
Stinger
DE53A5EE BCA99B07
Linerunner
DE53A5EE BCA99B08
Perenial
DE53A5EE BCA99B09
Sentinel
DE53A5EE BCA99B0A
Patriot
DE53A5EE BCA99B0B
Fire Truck
DE53A5EE BCA99B0C
Trashmaster
DE53A5EE BCA99B0D
Stretch
DE53A5EE BCA99B0E
Manana
DE53A5EE BCA99B0F
Infernus
DE53A5EE BCA99B10
Voodoo
DE53A5EE BCA99B11
Pony
DE53A5EE BCA99B12
Mule
DE53A5EE BCA99B13
Cheetah
DE53A5EE BCA99B14
Moonbeam
DE53A5EE BCA99B17
Esperanto
DE53A5EE BCA99B18
Taxi
DE53A5EE BCA99B19
Washington
DE53A5EE BCA99B1A
Bobcat
DE53A5EE BCA99B1B
Mr Whoopee
DE53A5EE BCA99B1C
BF Injection
DE53A5EE BCA99B1D
Hunter
DE53A5EE BCA99B1E
Police
DE53A5EE BCA99B1F
Enforcer
DE53A5EE BCA99B20
Securica
DE53A5EE BCA99B21
Banshee
DE53A5EE BCA99B22
Bus
DE53A5EE BCA99B24
Rhino
DE53A5EE BCA99B25
Cuban Hermes
DE53A5EE BCA99B27
Coach
DE53A5EE BCA99B2A
Cabbie
DE53A5EE BCA99B2B
Stallion
DE53A5EE BCA99B2C
Rumpo
DE53A5EE BCA99B2D
Romero
DE53A5EE BCA99B2F
Sentinel
DE53A5EE BCA99B31
Admiral
DE53A5EE BCA99B32
Sea sparrow
DE53A5EE BCA99B34
Burrito
DE53A5EE BCA99B36
Flatbed
DE53A5EE BCA99B3C
Yankee
DE53A5EE BCA99B3D
Caddy
DE53A5EE BCA99B3E
Zebra Cab
DE53A5EE BCA99B3F
Top Fun
DE53A5EE BCA99B40
Glendale
DE53A5EE BCA99B47
Oceanic
DE53A5EE BCA99B48
Sparrow
DE53A5EE BCA99B4A
Patriot
DE53A5EE BCA99B4B
Love Fist
DE53A5EE BCA99B4C
Hermes
DE53A5EE BCA99B4F
Sabre
DE53A5EE BCA99B50
Sabre Turbo
DE53A5EE BCA99B51
Phoenix
DE53A5EE BCA99B52
Walton
DE53A5EE BCA99B53
Regina
DE53A5EE BCA99B54
Comet
DE53A5EE BCA99B55
Deluxo
DE53A5EE BCA99B56
Burrito
DE53A5EE BCA99B57
Spand Express
DE53A5EE BCA99B58
Baggage H.
DE53A5EE BCA99B5A
Maverick
DE53A5EE BCA99B5C
VCN Mav.
DE53A5EE BCA99B5D
Rancher
DE53A5EE BCA99B5E
FBI Rancher
DE53A5EE BCA99B5F
Virgo
DE53A5EE BCA99B60
Greenwood
DE53A5EE BCA99B61
Hotring Racer
DE53A5EE BCA99B63
Sandking
DE53A5EE BCA99B64
Blista Compact
DE53A5EE BCA99B65
Police Maverick
DE53A5EE BCA99B66
Benson
DE53A5EE BCA99B68
Mesa Grande
DE53A5EE BCA99B69
Hotring Racer
DE53A5EE BCA99B6C
Bloodring Bang.
DE53A5EE BCA99B6Dv
Cheetah
DE53A5EE BCA99B6F
-BIKES-
Pizza Boy
DE53A5EE BCA99B35
Angel
DE53A5EE BCA99B29
PCG 600
DE53A5EE BCA99B42
Freeway
DE53A5EE BCA99B44
Sanchez
DE53A5EE BCA99B49
-Color Modifier-
Car=White
FE53A48E BCA99BA9
Stripe/Top=White
FE53A489 BCA99BA9
Car=L.Purple
FE53A48E BCA99B88
Stripe/Top=L.Purple
FE53A489 BCA99B88
Car=Yellow
FE53A48E BCA99B89
Stripe/Top=Yellow
FE53A489 BCA99B89
Car=Gold
FE53A48E BCA99BAA
Car=Metal Yellow
FE53A48E BCA99BA4
Stripe/Top=Metal Yellow
FE53A489 BCA99BA4
Car=L.Blue
FE53A48E BCA99B8A
Stripe/Top=L.Blue
FE53A489 BCA99B8A
Car=D.Blue
FE53A48E BCA99BB7
Car=Blue
FE53A48E BCA99BB9
Stripe/Top=Blue
FE53A489 BCA99BB9
Car=Black
FE53A48E BCA99B83
Stripe/Top=Black
FE53A489 BCA99B83
Car=Turquoise
FE53A48E BCA99B85
Stripe/Top=Turquoise
FE53A489 BCA99B85
Car=Silver
FE53A48E BCA99BA1
Stripe/Top=Silver
FE53A489 BCA99BA1
Car=Red
FE53A48E BCA99B9E
Stripe/Top=Red
FE53A489 BCA99B9E
Car=Orange
FE53A48E BCA99B99
Stripe/Top=Orange
FE53A489 BCA99B99
Car=Metal Green
FE53A48E BCA99BB1
Stripe/Top=Metal Green
FE53A489 BCA99BB1
Stripe/Top=Metal Purple
FE53A489 BCA99BBA
(Thanks again to www.gameshark.com)
------------------------
c. Miscellaneous Cheats
------------------------
These are codes that need to be verified. If anyone can verify PLEASE e-mail me and
I'll give you credit for the verification.
~~~~~~~
Hunter
~~~~~~~
To get a Hunter, you need to get all 100 hidden packages. However, I have had many
e-mails about a way of doing it so you can get it without having 100 hidden
packages. I don't know if it works, but here it is.
Fly a helicopter until you see the helicopter. QUICKLY get out of yours and into
the Hunter and fly away. I have heard if you don't fly away right away, it can
freeze. If the doors are locked, bang on the with your hammer or whatever.
Adam Block had a MUCH better way
---------------------------------
Just simply dress up as a cop and go into the army base and steal one. No one will
hurt you.
Simple, but true
Matt Kvistad also had something cool on how to store the hunter
---------------------------------------------------------------
"To do this you need nothing but a garage and a hunter. You just land the hunter in
front of your garage (i.e. and your mansion) and push it in park it from corner to
corner. Note: the garage will not close. Go save it and when you come out it will
be closed and the hunter will be in it. I have had cases that the hunter disappears
sometimes but mostly it will stay there. Have fun and go blow some things up!!!"
...cool.
Additional strategy from littledevilbiker024
--------------------------------------------
IF you go to the army base to steal the apache helicopter, sometimes the army will
shoot at you. If they come after you, you can get on the stairs at either side and
duck down and then use your sniper rifle to pick them all off through the glass. You
can shoot them but they cant shoot you. After you shoot them all just collect your
helicopter
Another location of the Hunter from Todd Laframboise
----------------------------------------------------
I looked through your walkthrough and I didn't find any information on where you can
find the hunter other than the army base. I know of another place, in ocean beach
directly south of the water fountain there is a house that faces the ocean with a
heli-pad. On that heli-pad there is almost always a hunter there. Sometimes its
not there and all I have to do is drive around and it appears eventually and you
don't need a cop uniform to get it. I don't know if my game is screwed up or
something or maybe you already know about it. I have 90% of the game completed and
a very high criminal and media rating, I thought maybe that has something to do with
it.
Some more information from Cgamemaster89
----------------------------------------
The easiest way to get to the Hunter Helicopter is to enable the cheat make
Pedistrians riot. Then get a helicopter (any one will work, really) preferably the
Maverick, because it is hard to destroy. Fly to Fort Baxter Air Base (just north of
the air port very, very hard to miss it). Fly above the air base, kind of low, low
enough to see the chopper on the ground. The Hunter will be opposite side from the
entrance. Land next to the Hunter. Then take out any near by soilders with a
powerful weapon, like the M60, Colt M4, or Colt Python. When the wanted level
appears enter the get rid of wanted level cheat. Hop in the chopper. Then quickley
enter the get rid of wanted level cheat, if you don't the MPs will pull you out of
the chopper and you will be busted. Once you Hi-Jack the Hunter it's yours. If you
wan't more of a challange don't enable the Pedistrians Riot cheat, but you will most
likely die, unless if you use the body armor and health cheats. If you do use the
Ped's riot cheat you most likely won't be able to turn it off. So if you do use
Ped's riot save it before you enter the cheat, to keep it from pissing you off
later.
REALLY IMPORTANT INFORMATION FROM ANILINDU
------------------------------------------
You get the Hunter after you beat the mission Keep Your Friends Close...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Get Into Leaf Links Early
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-Here is a cheat contributed by [email protected]
To get to Leaf Links early and with weapons:
Drive down the road leading to Leaf Links that is just north of the jewelry store.
Stop where the first gate is. The black fence section to the right of it isn't
solid. You can jump right through it.
To exit without getting wasted, get a caddy (which will probably not be available,
but if you're lucky you'll see someone driving one and steal it).
Drive over a ramp that is located to the right of the building through which you are
supposed to exit.
Park the caddy on a steep hill close to the fence.
Jump onto the caddy roof and from there jump over the fence. This may take a few
tries, but it is possible.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Store Helicopters in Garages
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-Here is a cheat contributed by [email protected] -
Btw, thought u should know, it is possible to store helicopters in your downtown n
diaz garages though the method is EXTREMELY cheap. Yet for those who want to keep
that hunter in their garage to look at anytime...
I did this on my "crooked file"...
1. YOU NEED A CODEBREAKER PS2.
2. Get the "infinite health", "no car damage from collisions", and "all cars are
immune to weapons" codes.
3. With those on, getting the hunter is the easy part. next, with a LOT of patience,
u squeeze the hunter in the largest of the 3 downtown garages (the diaz garage can
only fit a sparrow). i used the Mr. Whoopee "trick" from GTA3.
I couldn't store the Mr. Whoopee in a garage because of the big cone on the front
roof, so I reversed it in the garage by fitting as much of the vehicle's rear as I
could before being stopped by the cone. Then without letting go of reverse (tires
screeching like crazy), I slowly wedged it in by steering slowly left to right. You
have to keep moving the left analog stick left to right nonstop while reversing. The
trick is getting the "smallest" part of whatever vehicle in first, then forcing the
rest in.
For the hunter, I generally used the same method, "tail" in first (though I've been
successful front first also - so either way works) the only thing I did differently
was use the aid of a large vehicle (i.e. police barracks) to help ram whatever was
still sticking out, the hunter is so freakin large after all. Before trying the
hunter, practice the method first with a rhino - then the hunter becomes "easier."
Again its a really cheap trick n u do need A LOT OF PATIENCE, but my friends are
always amazed whenever I open my downtown garages n they see a HUNTER, SEA SPARROW,
and RHINO all in that order chillin inside!
:) >>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Unlimited Taxi Time
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-contributed by Nick Fadden-
Here is a cheat, also in GTA3, where you can get unlimited time in the taxi to
deliver people. Here it is.
"Remember in GTA3 when you could do the "ride in the park" mission by getting a
checkpoint just before time runs out and then time goes away forever? Well you can
do the same for the taxi missions in Vice City. I did this without knowing it for a
little while, but I remembered being really close to ending the mission one time
because time was running out. But essentially the person has to get into the cab
just before time runs out, this takes some timing practice. The good thing: you
get 500+ for every 5 people delivered in a row. And with no time limits, paint and
spray can heal your damaged taxi so you can get all
100 in a row AND get some mega $$ in the process."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nude Stripper
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(contributed by [email protected]) Alright...start out...you buy the club...
(duh)...once done...go inside the club...make sure you have the 'shot-gun' (any
type) and then go into the back room where you receive a 'private dance', this is a
short dance for once you go in...your out...hit 'X' to exit the dance right
away...slip back into the bustling club area and go on a rampage...kill
EVERYONE...including those behind the bar...make sure there are no left over pusses
in the way back room. After the entire strip club has been wiped out with the shot-
gun...go back into the room where you get the stripper to dance for you alone...Make
sure the shot-gun that you had the members of the club killed with in your hands as
you enter...once you enter the dance room...You see a beautiful white girl...dressed
in only a white cowboy hat...Ohhh mama..Enjoy!
(Contributed by [email protected])
You don't need to do all that to get the white cowboy hat stripper. You just have to
spend $600 on the only girl in the back rooms of the club. After you have spent the
money, just exit the room and another door will have opened up where the cowgirl
awaits you. :)
(Contributed by [email protected])
She is not actually nude; she has a thong and tape on her nipples. Interestingly
enough, the same girl is at the Malibu Club tending bar as well, where you can get a
much closer look at her. In the same outfit no less, including the cowboy hat. I am
not sure if you have to kill all the people there as well before she will appear (I
have killed everyone several times and I just don't remember.) But the method that
you have listed is true, however it is only a short movie that is opened (a 20
second pole dance) that can be re-accessed by going into the new door opened across
from the very back room in the Pole Position.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Get Rhino Early
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Contributed by Jatooley)
This is how I got a rhino and it is really simple. It is possible to do at any point
of the game, but it is easier after you have completed "Keep Your Friends Close."
After you complete this mission, you always have a health and armor to the right of
the main entry. However, you can accomplish this before defeating the final mission
by just running down to the basement.
Here is the technique. Run outside your Vercetti mansion and just start shooting
people. Once you get the cops attention, shoot them until you get three stars. Run
back into your mansion and just start picking off the cops with your Ruger. You can
almost always shoot them before they shoot you, so you can usually take three or
four out and not take any damage. Do this until you have SIX Stars. Then run into
the room to the left of the stairs as you are facing outside. Fill up on health and
armor and run outside. Amazingly, there is no one outside the front entrance. Run
out to the street until you see a tank that has stopped.
Pop the guy that comes out TWICE,. If you shoot him once, he will get up and kill
you or bust you. Jump into the van and do one of the following.
1. Hightail it to the Hyman Condo. The tanks will be on your tail, but it should be
easy to get to the first garage. Jump out of the tank and run for it. You will more
than likely be killed, but just leave the tank in the garage. You will now have a
rhino of your own.
2. Head to your car dealership. Before you attempt this method, be sure you have
another car in one of the garages. Park the tank in one garage, pull your car out of
the other and drive it into the pay and spray.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Get Everything Early
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Contributed by [email protected])
1. Make sure you have at least $1000. Do taxi missions or something if
necessary.
2. Get a vehicle that is short in the front and tall in the back, such as a
station wagon or an SUV.
3. Drive to the bridge to Starfish Island, where the gate is.
4. Line the vehicle up such that you drive parallel to the gate (as close to the
gate as you can get) and BACK UP as far north as you can.
The back of the vehicle should be in the walkway on the side of the road.
5. Jump onto the hood of the vehicle, then from there walk onto the roof, going
to the far back of the vehicle. Look to the west (in the direction of the gate) and
you should see an orange structure on the left and a black fence on the right
enclosing a yard. Between these two objects is a small crack through which you can
jump from the back of the vehicle. If you execute the jump correctly, your
character should seem to get stuck in the crevice. Just keep hitting the jump
button and you should end up in Starfish Island.
6. Once in Starfish Island, get a vehicle onto which your character can jump
follow the road west until you reach another gate.
7. Jump onto the car, then onto the hedges on the north side. Now, follow the
hedges west, and keep following as they turn north. Stop just slightly before the
hedges stop turning. If necessary, finely adjust your character's position so that
only his feet are sunken into the hedges and everything else is above.
8. Now look south. Almost directly south there is a gap between an orange
structure and a black fence. This is where you need to jump.
You must be almost directly north of the gap with your character above the hedges as
mentioned in #7. If you try to make the jump at an angle or sunken into the hedges
IT WON'T WORK.
9. With any luck you are now in the forbidden 2nd major island.
(Gee, I hope you don't get arrested for breaking and entering:) Now to save this
bad boy so you don't have to go through all of that again. Got to the Skumole Shack
(by Howlin' Pete's emporium on your map), buy it, and save your game.
10. To access every other area, simply get the police Maverick (helicopter) from
the nearby Vice City Police Department (climb stairs to reach the helipad on the
roof).
(Contributed by Mezz)
I found a new way of getting into leaf links early. Do 100 taxi missions so that
your taxi can jump. If you drive on the road where the entrance is, keep going and
there's a bridge surrounded by bushes. Position yourself on the opposite hill
parallel to the bridge. Back up, accelerate, and jump when the taxi is gonna hit
the bushes and the bridge. You should be in leaf links. I did it a couple times
myself, so it should work.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Everything-Proof Sabre
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Contributed by Nav)
When doing the missions at the Malibu club, you end up having to race Hilary in the
Driver mission. You can lose this mission and just wait at the Malibu club for
Hilary to come back. His car drives back to the club and stops, but you can't open
the doors, or even hack them off with a chainsaw. You can push the car to your
closet garage (it's kind of a pain in the ass) and when you re enter the garage you
can now enter your everything-proof Sabre.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Barriers in Mansion
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Contributed by David Brooks)
Did you know if u are in a helicopter and have a wanted level (for me it was 5 *'s)
and land on the mansion and go down stairs they put stingers (spiky road block
things) in the corridors!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Flying Car
~~~~~~~~~~~
(Contributes by Jaiser Velez)
I was playing Vice City, doing my thing and driving through Washington Beach when I
looked up at the sky and there was a FLYING CAR above me!!! I mean the car was like
floating above me in the sky but what was funny is that it was following the same
routine that all other cars were following. For example, the car was lined up with
the street, it would stop at all red lights just as if it was on ground level, and
it would make turns just as if it was on the ground. It was pretty cool and at first
I thought it was some sort of secret or somethin so I made sure I didn't lose sight
of it. I just kept following it wherever it went for a minute or so, then I got the
idea of tryin to shoot it down wit da Ruger. So, I got in position, aimed, and shot
at the car. As soon as I hit it, the car dropped from the sky onto the street! I ran
up to the car and checked it out but nothing special about it. :-(
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Easter Egg #1
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey dude, I have an easter egg. On the autocide mission 1 of the guys is tanner
(from driver) Later in this mission there are 2 guys called Franco Carter and Marcus
Hammond, these are named after people from the forthcoming game "the Getaway."
(Contributed by Limp)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Easter Egg #2
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just prior to 23:00, go to the parking lot just north of the Malibu and look at the
tall building due east. The building is very tall and has a round extension at the
very top (possibly a rotating restaurant), I believe the building has the
word "Langer" written at the top, but I can't make it out well on my TV. Anyway, as
the clock strikes 23:00, you'll see certain building lights strategically turn on
providing a surprise. Then keep looking for a few minutes; you'll see another
surprise at the very top of the building.
(Contributed by Keith Matthews)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Easter Egg #3
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you complete the film studio, you get a poster of the movie at The Ocean Beech
Hotel in your room, an some scenes from the movie on your desk and on a table in the
mansion (also a picture of Candy Suxxx on your wall.
(Contributed by JBRITON)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Quicker Motorcycles
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When on a motorbike if you tap forwards quite quickly, you appear to lean over the
front and it makes the motorbike go really much quicker, on a scooter you can get to
the speed of a PCJ.
(Contributed by Nick Corrie)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Vehicle Flips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heres how to make your car do a full flip. This trick works best in a police or
sports car. 1) Enter the Perfect Handling code. 2) Gain a lot of speed. 3) Hold down
the e-brake then immediately hit L3.
(Contributed by Justin Reilly)
----------------------------------
Mini-Guide (Thanks to Ken Parkin)
----------------------------------
~~~~~~~~~~~~
BODY GUARDS
~~~~~~~~~~~~
We could not find the 3 limos outside the mansion yet but did find the body guards.
As the game progressed we found the Haitians and Cubans more and more aggressive
when we ventured in their parts of town. So we took the 3 body guards with us (stand
in each of their pink lights and then they will follow you). You need a 4 seater car
or the helicopter to take all 3 of them. Now when we walk or drive through Little
Havana or Little Haiti the locals are very quiet. We could even walk up to them. We
had to punch them to get them to fight and as soon as they fought back our body
guards shot them. We lost very little armour while our body guards dealt with about
20 locals as we walked from Little Havana to Kaufman Cabs.
~~~~~~~~~~~
EASY MONEY
~~~~~~~~~~~
Really easy money. Once you get the tank do the vigilante mission and just keep
going. By simply driving the tank into the cars they blow up so your time keeps
increasing. More importantly the higher you get the bigger the rewards. We
eventually called it quits after level 55, had built up 74 minutes of extra time and
earned about $3,000,000 just for that mission alone.
While we didn't do it we now think that doing the taxi missions first will gain a
lot of money by the time you get to 100 especially as there are bonuses for each
multiple of 5. This money can the be used to buy a property to generate more money.
~~~~~~~~~~
ARMY CAMP
~~~~~~~~~~
We had all sorts of trouble each time we went into the army camp however once we
dressed up as a policeman we could walk in there without any problem.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
GETTING WEAPONS INTO AIRPORT TERMINAL
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We drove a car in through the door then jumped on its' bonnet then over the metal
detector and got in with all weapons. We could jump out so lost our weapons on the
way back out but picked them up straight away outside.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Anti-Car Flipping
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(contributed by Justin Bruner)
I dont know if you already know this, but if your car is about to flip over upside
down, you can prevent it by turning the wheels THE SAME WAY your car is flipping
over. It also helps if you have a little speed while doing this, but you dont have
to.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Woman Bodyguards
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(contributed by littlefreels)
If you enter the code "women follow tommy" they will act like a bodyguard with out
weapons. If you go up to someone and hit them your women will hit them until they
die. But, it will not work if you shoot them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Flying Places (Rumor)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Thanks to TimDaQB14)
OK, I think when u get 100% of the game done, u go in the Escobar Airport and you
can find an open gate, when u walk through, there will be a security gate and u cant
go thru it, so when u get 100% of Vice City done, go there and maybe u can fly
somewhere. Dont call me crazy because I think it might work!
=====================================
18. Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
=====================================
Q: How do I beat mission ____________? How do I find hidden packages number_____?
A: My FAQ has everything I know in it. If you cant find whatever it is based on
that, I probably wont know in e-mail.
Q: How do I get the Hunter?
A: It is in my Miscellaneous Section of the cheat codes, PLEASE look there first.
Q: Which codes corrupt my game file?
A: There are said to be some codes that dont corrupt your game, but I think it is
all random. Use at your own risk.
Q: How do I get the last two missions of the game?
A: You must complete 60% of the game, including beating the Print Works. Roughly,
beating 5 assets would do the trick.
Q: Why wont you answer my e-mail?
A: The probable answer is that it was already in the FAQ. It could also not need an
answer. If I dont answer within a week, you can consider it deleted.
Q: How come when I get into the boat in The Fastest Boat mission, I cant get it
to move, whats the problem?
A: I have no idea. Most people I asked have said they use cheats, so that may be a
problem.
============
19. Credits
============
-Thanks to CJayC for posting this FAQ
-Thanks to gta.sky-scraper.net
-Thanks to gta.gamegossip.com
-Thanks to www.vcsource.tk
-Thanks to http://www.gta-vice.cjb.net
-Thanks to deathbytheft.web1000.com
-Thanks to the message boards for some free information
-Thanks to the Brady Games strategy guide for lots of helpful information
-Thanks to Rockstar for creating an awesome game once again
-Thanks to Gameshark.com
-Thanks for contributions from [email protected], Charles Green, Timothy Andrews,
John Duncan, Lucas, Justin Miller, Craig Kostelecky, Nick McFadden, JeremyCPA, Scott
W, [email protected], Scott Halvorson, Brenden Edwards, Chris Lunt,
vicecitystalker, [email protected], Gerardo F., Johnny Do, Raul Acosta, Ed
Novak, [email protected], [email protected], bob dole, Jamie Ivany, Adam Block, Matt
Kvistad, [email protected], Limp, Thomas Finney, Eric Swartz, Seanppk,
Kyle S, JungleChildX, Raul Acosta, [email protected], Charles Green, Scott Long,
Miguel Landrau, Ted Milker, The Earthsaver Database, Scott Braunstein,
[email protected], Jeremy Elias, Lucas, [email protected], Nav, Nick Corrie,
David Brooks, J. Salfity, Bill Henderson for finding out about the handling file in
the first place, pete b, Pete Bennett, Vido Corleone, Jaiser Velez, Cory Brown,
[email protected], Mezz, Matt Pinske, docta docta, ACJPaton, Joe Mason, Josh Miller,
Chapel, Michiel van Heuvelen, Jungo Fett, Paul Schultz, Sid Davis, Ffej,
Lord_Zophar,
Ben Bird, [email protected], [email protected], Keith Matthews, Ian Glick,
Craig Zuck, James Wyatt, Justin Reilly, GarciaAshley, Kyle Lawler, GTA3_Addict, Ally
Kelley, Ed Coleman, Brian McElwain, Daniel Foman, Ken Parkin, gnar stokin, C.
DAngelo, Robert Brown, Kenneth Karl, Wes, Infamous B, littledevilbiker024, Aaron
K., Todd Laframboise, Aaron 1221, Chip Ford, Kevin, Andeeroo1, Randall Freels, Mark
McFarland, Andrew Harper, Sensa, Bilbo70000, Andrew Cheung, Anthony Van Den Hemel,
Zed Dunn, Mike, Mike Lauraine, TimDaQB14, Steven Kuscher, JRCbase, Cgamemaster89,
lazzerus, JBRITON, Tony Black, David Marshall, Jeff M, nick, Jonathan Plaster,
Frozen Death, MYPS2BROKE2, Tommy Vercett, dedbunniez, anilandu, MtPrecisionmetal,
gac.c, Sara Crisostomo, and HUGE contributions from gaius and for vehicles where
noted and Jamie Ivany.
-Thanks to REDjackeT for some awesome information on the car information,
specifically, the flags. Thank you very much.
-Thanks to Asc2377 and THAguyINgta3 for the great ASCII art at the top as noted.
-Thanks to Minesweeper and THAguyINgta3 for the directions in the hidden packages.
-Thanks again, another HUGE thanks, to Minesweeper for his Rare Cars.
-Thanks to THAguyINgta3 for the made up missions
-Thanks to Psy for the unique stunts and the huge section on weapon statistics.
-Thanks to Jnco394 for his car locations FAQ.
-Thanks to ElementX for the Flash FM script
-Thanks to Eifersucht86 for the Emotion 98.3 script
-Thanks to Jason_C for the game script
-Thanks to dark52 for the K-Chat Script
-Thanks to anyone I missed above
Copyright 2002-2003, Armin Jewell
