FAQ - Guide for Duck Dynasty

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                              Duck Dynasty
                            by judge reinhold
                     www.youtube.com/MenDrinkinCoffee

                                Last Updated
                             November 10, 2014


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* Table of Contents *
*********************

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* 1.0 Introduction  *
*********************

The Robertsons are a fun-loving, good natured folks. Also, there's Phil
Robertson.

Willie Robertson
----------------
Willie is the man who turned his homophobic/Islamophobic dad's duck-calling
business into a multi-million dollar industry and amazing brand that sells
everything from slippers to metal detectors. He is the straight man on the show
and constantly chides his employees for never doing any work.

Si Robertson
------------
Willie's uncle, Si, is the lifeblood of the show. He carries around a plastic
cup that his mother sent to him while he was overseas fighting in the Vietnam
war. Si is just the best. Seriously, can't overstate how funny this guy is. The
show kinda leans on him to be funny/interesting a little much, but Si always
delivers.

Jase Robertson
--------------
Jase is the second funniest character on the show, and is older than Willie.
Jase is not the oldest, that title belongs to some preacher who decided to join
the show in season 4 to spread the word of God. He's named Adam or something.
Alex? Anyway, this is a legitimate reason, I'm sure, and not his way of
becoming famous. Jase looks like a Norweigan fisherman and calls Willie "fat" a
lot. But it's more creative and less on-the-nose than how I wrote it out just
then.

Jep Robertson
-------------
Jep is the youngest.

Miss Kay
--------
Miss Kay is Willie's mom. Everyone calls her that, including her husband. I'm
not sure why. Maybe it's explained in a different season. If you know, please
tweet me on twitter @MenDrinkCoffee.

Cousin Beaux
------------
Cousin Beaux isn't on any season I've watched, so I assume he was made up for
the game.

John Luke
---------
John is Willie's oldest son, and heir apparent to the titular Duck Dynasty. You
play as John Luke for the entirety of the Story Mode. It's a shame John Luke is
one of the worst characters on the show. No fault of his own, he's a normal,
awkward teenager and not very good fodder for reality TV.

**********************
* 2.0 Game Overview  *
**********************

This video game is an escape into the paradise afforded by being a millionaire
in a swamp. You can race boats, shoot hundreds of ducks (some of which are
endangered), and prank your co-workers. People may call them "rednecks", but I
call them "fun." It's recommended you use a controller, specifically the Xbox
360 controller, since your mouse is moving around in your desktop as you play
and you can click other stuff. Hey, it's hard to code around stuff like that.
Have you ever tried it?

**********************
* 3.0 Walkthrough    *
**********************

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i.  The Beginning
----------------------------------

The game starts off with a really bad cutscene. I love the show, and man this
does not land even for me. The guys yammer on and on and they look like they
were made out of potatoes. You can skip this if you want. Here, let me help
summarize: John Luke has to prove himself to the rest of the gang by doing
quests in the fictional world called Louisiana.

Once the potato-men finish talking, they will guide you to what's known as a
"duck blind." Here, if you're streaming the game, is where people will start to
make constant references to NES classic "Duck Hunt," which is a game 90's kids
will remember. Between this and the "Duck Dynasty Warriors" jokes both the
audience as well as a co-commentator make will have you wondering where you
went wrong in life.

The duck call mini-game is fairly simple. You have to hit controller buttons in
time with the circle to attract the ducks. People who have played Golden
Compass may reminisce fondly about that game's mini-games. That is such a
ubiquitous experience, though, so it's not even worth bringing up.

You finish helping your lovable uncles killing creatures who undoubtedly
experience pain and it's off to your next adventure: shooting cans. First,
though, is the funniest mechanic I've ever seen in a video game. You ride as a
passenger in the truck and can only change the radio! It's funny and original,
honestly!

Cousin Beaux will toss bottles from off-screen. There's a button you can hit to
auto-target. Get used to it, buddy, because this is a mechanic the game is
founded upon! It's unclear why there are sometimes red bottles and othertimes
green ones. This is the mystical property of the Robertson family's ways.

Finally you will be able to drive the truck. Drive to your next waypoint, a
duckblind, where you get to call AND shoot.

Now, there is a strategy to this. First, you point the camera at the ducks to
make them interested in you. Then, once their interest bar is high enough, they
will fly towards your fake ducks. Once these idiots land, their fate is sealed:
leap out from cover and shoot them with your gun! That way, they die. You see,
guns work by propelling a small piece of metal called a "bullet" which,
normally, would not kill someone if you simply threw the metal bullet at them,
unless it landed in their mouth and they choked or something. However, due to
various physics aspects, the gunpowder ignites inside the barrel, pushing this
piece of metal outside of the barrel at super-sonic speeds. Large objects have
lots of momentum, but so do small objects travelling at high speeds, and this
allows the bullet to penetrate various substances. Please, only experiment with
guns with proper adult supervision.

There are different calls, but you don't need to care. John Luke has been
around duck calls his whole life and will use the appropriate call based on
distance.

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ii.  Redneck Groceries
----------------------------------

Cousin Beaux tells us Miss Kay wants us to visit, in a completely flat read.
Miss Kay outlines her desire to cook a meal for her family, and guess who has
to kill the wildlife to fill out the entrees? It's you.

They yammer on forever again, Willie tries to eat soup with his hands. When the
cutscene is over, you have to drive to another waypoint. You'll see your first
sign. Signs are one of the collectibles scattered around the island. They're
funny, sometimes, but don't compare to what hilarity lies in the other
mechanics.

Go into the boat and drive it to the waypoint. This will get you to the amazing
squirrel-killing minigame. Squirrels do not need to be called like ducks, but
instead love the smell of the corpses of their mutilated bretheren. Shoot them
with your gun (see previous as to why this method works to kill things).

To be continued...

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